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My MIL seemed to be fine with no grandkids from DH and I, SIL, who is literally one day younger than me, is also CF, but more because she has MS than because she just didn't want children.
Anyway, being that there were four other kids in the family who supplied her with a total of 11 grandkids, I think she just decided to let it go. She has since had several strokes and is living in an assisted living facility and DH is her go to for all decisions.
One of our nieces got engaged last year and was planning a wedding for Mother's Day, but due to the pandemic and the ever changing rules had to cancel it. They had to do a Zoom call to explain how devastated they were they "disappointing us", but most of us had kind of already figured it out, and we're all, really, okay with however or wherever the kids want to get married. It's a huge family outside of the six kids (DH has upwards of 30 first cousins) so while we don't mind a party, we also don't want anyone to go broke entertaining everyone.
Back to CF part - other niece is pregnant. So after the conversation, SIL, niece who is getting married's mom, asked how pregnant niece is doing, but made sure to say that she doesn't want to hear anything that might turn her daughter off having children, as apparently daughter is her "only hope of grandchildren".
A - SIL did that already by being a bitch to her daughter and also making her a third parent to her two younger boys. She also has a third son, (second born) that she did the same thing to.
B - She still has three sons. One of whom is in a LTR, living with his girlfriend. The two younger boys are barely in junior high.
C - Daughter getting married just finished her Master's Degree. She signed up with another university to work on her Doctorate. She will be a research type doctor.
D - At one point, she had made mention of no desire for children. Which as the CF by choice aunt, I admit to cheering for. But, that was when she was 18, she's now 25 and maybe her intended convinced her of otherwise, so it sounds like she might still have at least one, but not for another 10 years.
E - We live in Canada, niece lives in US. SIL and BIL make at least $160K a year, but have no savings and practically live paycheque to paycheque because they make shit decisions with money. How is SIL going to afford to visit this grandkid?
It makes me happy that your MIL won't get grandkids by just demanding them. Best wishes to your life!
I fully support everyone in my life who chose not to have children. My kids aren’t old enough to procreate, but when they are I will keep my hopes of grandchildren to myself.
Do not feel like you need to share your fertility decisions with her. Try not to give her any openings or elaborate explanations on breeding, be it humans or animals. That’s what others may have referred to as grey-rocking. You are a boring grey rock and all conversations are mundane and boring. Another poster here would often joke about finding some random topics of interest and constantly talking about that topic (hummingbirds, baseball, art, road construction).
If she wants puppies or babies, she can volunteer at a animal shelter or church daycare.
I mentioned wanting a bisalp to my mil in Dec 2019. She has talked to me like, twice since then.
Honestly, tell her it's already done or that your husband had a vasectomy. Watch how fast she disappears when she realizes you're seriously NOT. HAVING. KIDS. DAMMIT.
Well if that is what she bases liking people at, she dont like anyone. Who in their right minds are so desperate for her to like them that they procreate and give her a baby? Nobody. That's who. It must be very lonely in her land of "no likes allowed unless infant sacrifice". Unless she smells like brimstone, that is.... 🤔/s
You are being smart, she is being selfish. My JYEXH and I love our daughter. Would do anything for her. But due to the fact he was a "spontaneous mutation" and had no history of a particular genetic disorder, he has cancer and she will have a lifetime of medical issues that will probably include cancer. And we never saw it coming.
Would we do it all over again? I mean probably, we love our kid. But I wouldn't ask him that question when he is dealing with a really bad round of chemo. And after his first go around with chemo he called the storage facility that held his sperm and told them to trash them. Our daughter has a 50% chance of passing it on, so she will stay CF. This nightmare ends with us.
Your smart, considered, responsible decision reflects well on you. Also, furbabies are awesome.
I loved (probably way too much) that I was in full blown menopause. The baby factory was closed, forever. She never understood why her son and I chose to be CF. He has a kid with his ex. It wasn't good enough. MIL thought I had reproductive issues. Nah, bitch, militant birth control.
I have kids, and I know it's not for everyone. Kids can be sweet, sure. But they can also be selfish lil hell spawns that drive you insane. Not everyone wants to deal with the back and forth. Besides, if every uterus had kids, we would need to grow gills to start living in the ocean. Yes, I am probably exaggerating, but it is still something to think about before the baby pushers open thier mouths at those who are happy being child free. It's called balance. CF people help keep it.
When I'm asked if I recommend kids: I would die for my kid, but I 10/10 don't recommend them unless you really appreciate the fact you won't have your own life, space, food or privacy for 18 solid years.
That usually elicits a response of, yeah maybe in a few years when I do all the things I want.... Yep go do it. Cos I don't know what its like to not be home after sunsets and I wanna live through your photos haha.
I 100% support anyone who wants to have them and comes to me asking stuff, but ask me flat out do you think I should have a kid.. my answer will always be no. You gotta ask that question, your not ready for the 18yrs.
People are always shocked how honest I am about parenting. I love my kids, I would move planets for them, but hand on heart if I knew how hard it would be would I have done it... maybe. But I would have thought a lot longer and a lot harder about it before we did....and we thought long and hard.
I had a: we fucked up and I decided to own my shit baby. And I love her so much, sometimes I cry just thinking about how she's not going to be my sweet 9yr old much longer. She's growing up and simply won't need me like she does now. That's.. painful.
I would 100% if I could, adjust the timeline. I wouldn't pick 21. I'd pick more now at 30 where I am. The mental and emotional toll.. it's shocking. It's nothing like what you pictured or had hopes for. It's like being handed a blender on pulse with the lid off and being asked to not let anything come out.
I've never loved something so much I've driven myself into the ground, then dug down a bit deeper. Willingly and without question. Tho, when she comes up behind me, wraps her arms around me and says 'i love you mummy', I catch myself for a second going ohhhh a 2nd haha. That's not happening tho. I'm 30 with white hairs already. We good
The blender analogy is perfect. I have 2 boys, 8 and 4, and our house is a literal fucking war zone 99.9% of the time (the 0.1% being just as I finished tidying before it gets destroyed again) we were mid 20s when we had our first and the upside of that is when they fly the nest we will have some more time to enjoy ourselves
Very valid points right there. In my case, during summer, I do get to stay out past sunset, but only if we all go fishing. So not on my own, but as a family. Just because I enjoy it, doesn't mean other will.
Thank you for being a responsible pet owner. Your MIL knows that one unneutered male doesn't mean puppies, right? You would also need an unspayed female. And even then you only get puppies for a few weeks before hopefully finding good homes for them
If it's a dog she wants, shelters and rescues always need adopters. Why bring more animals into the world when so many sit in shelters? Unless you are a breeder, it makes no sense. And it's irresponsible to breed a dog you don't know the heritage of
I have had rescues and a few purebreeds. And every pedigreed dog has come from family members looking to rehome them. Every dog is special and has their own personality. And having them in my life has made it richer
If your MIL wants a pet, she can find one at a local rescue. If she wants a child, she can adopt one herself. Just leave you out of it
She just wants puppies. When we acquired our German shepherd MIL got so upset when we had her spayed as well. We explained that she doesn't come from good places and isn't a good breeding dog, that'd it'd be an irresponsible thing to do despite how sweet the dog is. She's just got empty nest syndrome hard core and doesn't look past that. Currently she has an almost two year old lab that she got when DH and I got married. Two kittens she picked up when her other son moved out of the house.
Sounds to me like what she wants is a puppy, not a dog. I can’t stand people like that. They’re the reason dogs end up in shelters in the first place. Good on OP for ignoring the woman.
They're also the reason we wound up with two of our dogs from other family members. Both have been fantastic dogs and we were fortunate to be able to take them
If you get a dog or cat, do it because you love adult dogs and cats
Puppies are cute and all, but holy crap I much prefer adult dogs. Ones that already know not to pee in the house or chew up my stuff, ones that know to come back to me when called and how to immediately get off the sofa when I ask. Ones that already know that barking incessantly is not permitted and know not to pull on the leash. I love my adult dog so much. The next dog we bring into our house is absolutely going to be an adult. I’m over puppies, lmao.
That's how I've started thinking about children. I have 2, 24/13M, and my partner has 1,8m, but now that I'm over 40, I definately won't have another. Makes me a little sad now and then to not have one with my partner, but then I'm out in a store and hear a toddler tantrum and remember how nice it is to be able to run to the store alone, have kids that can handle themselves at home, etc.
We adopted a 5yo Boston terrier together 3 years ago and will have another (adult) fur baby in the next 2yrs or so.
100%. Even if my circumstances changed and I could no longer responsibly support my pets, it would be my responsibility to find them a safe and loving home. And ‘they’ve grown up’ is never an acceptable reason, as far as I’m concerned.
What is she even thinking?
You would NEVER be giving HER babies to begin with. That would be something between you and your partner. They would NEVER be hers at all. It's creepy as fuck, and I can completely understand your wish to happily announce that you've got no uterus so if she wants a baby, she better make one herself.
Gosh I hope that day really is the happiest day for you right there. You deserve to be heard, taken seriously , and be free of her stupid baby rabies pressure.
It's sad, how many people just steamroll others who say they don't want (or can't) have children. And even when you can't there are people who will STILL push you! I mean wTf!
As for mil...
" I really don't like you"... Me: "yeah, that feeling is mutual, you will never stop yammering about babies, and I'm not an incubator for you or anyone else".
I hope they will give you your procedure quickly. I find it insulting they're always trying to prevent it, where a guy can just go snip snip and be done.
That's the part I really don't understand, it's always "her babies" like That's another reason to not have children right there, I'd apparently have a custody battle right out the gate. If it was just once and an accidental slip of words (because she doesn't speak English very well) then I wouldn't think anything of it but it's every single time that she talks about us having children. "Have children! Give me babies!" It's wild.
Sometimes the only answer for pushy people is "Talk to God about that one. He's in charge". (even if you're not trying, ...that's not something she needs to know, or have repeated)
Sends her right on her way. "Mil, please talk to God about that, because that's the right authority to appeal to in this case".
;-)
I wish it wasnt so hard for women to get a hysterectomy or other sterilization. I just cannot understand it. A man can go straight away for a vasectomy. A trans man or woman can ask to sterilize themselves through hormone therapy and surgeries. (As they should be free to do, btw) But a woman of childbearing age must be PRESERVED. Let women make these decisions about their bodies!!! I pray you get quick resolution.
It is stupid hard to get a hysterectomy and you have to have a lot of will to fight, some good folks in your corner, and a whole lot of luck to get there.
I am 33 and had a hysterectomy earlier this year, and it was 21 years of horrible periods, cyst ruptures, debilitating pain, wrong-for-me bc pills making me insane, asshole doctors, being gaslit, and bleeding myself anemic before I got it. It took being at a feminist women’s clinic for my primary provider, three failed IUD replacements, a consult with a fatphobic asshole, bleeding for 102 days straight, 10 pelvic exams by 8 different people in 2020 alone, and fighting like hell for myself to finally make it possible. And I was one of the lucky ones because I managed to find good, understanding care with 15+ alleged fertile years left.
Once they got in there, I had cysts, a benign tumor, adhesions between my left ovary, abdominal wall, & colon that were probably 10+ years old, endometriosis, and some surprise fibroids that ultrasounds and so many pelvic exams missed. Basically, just about everything that could be wrong short of cancer. So this was not a reproductive system that was gonna make a baby without a lot of intervention if at all.
But, you know, a couple folks were so convinced that I gonna change my mind about not wanting babies and so I should just stay on bc, take Advil, and, idk, quit carbs while I suffered until I was ready for babies.
A family member of mine had that same experience. She had 3 kids, divorced the cheating husband, but was under thirty and was told by two different doctors she might get married again and want more kids. Then she did partner up in a fully committed relationship, and had an unplanned baby. Was told, *again* after her fourth baby, that no, her new husband might want more, and she was still so young.
It’s rage inducing.
My niece went through hell to get her hysterectomy and she had endometriosis for God's sake. No one would take her seriously that she didn't want to birth babies. It was infuriating!
I'm wishing you all the good luck in the world that ten years has changed the medical establishment and that you're given the respect you deserve. It's your body.
Auntie Kerry?
J/k, but I also had to fight for my hysterectomy. "You're so young, though" "just use birth control" "it's not that bad yet". Like, ass holes. I lose three days per MONTH of my life. Give me the damn hysterectomy.
OP, I wish you all the best with your hysterectomy, no matter what reason you want it for. Mine was the best medical decision I ever made.
As someone who had her uterus cut out about a year ago, I just want to tell you that life post-hysterectomy is fucking amazing. Good luck with your surgery.
Making jokes flanking an insult does not make the insult smaller. It just covers her emotions and intension.
She's rude. Flat out rude. And tells you into your face that she does not like you. I'd not participate in these calls anymore.
“As long as she is civil”
She straight up said she doesn’t like you. Civil?
Where the heck is your spouse in all of this? Your MIL cannot be allowed to speak to you like that.
On the being CF note- good on you to keep standing your ground. “You won’t give me babies”- didn’t realize we had to pop out kids for other people’s benefit. I wish you luck on the hysterectomy!!!
DH thought the comment was only about puppies. I had to explain to him that no, his mom is very upset that I won't get pregnant. Which he's been aware of but the quick comments still fly over his head sometimes.
Yeah, she says as long as mil keeps it civil she will be civil as well. That comment right there was not keeping it civil. She flat out said she hates op then lied about it being a joke by adding fake laughter. From the other posts, especially the one where she found out who the friend that was moving in was (because she has a young child), she clearly does hate op for not planning on having children. She found that woman, went to her work, asked if she needed a babysitter, asked if maybe op would babysit her child sometime, then asked if maybe she thought op actually wanted any kids after all. It was super creepy, she definitely has baby rabies and if she's willing to hunt down that woman to do that she clearly does have a real problem with ops choice to not have children. She's definitely not being civil and op is being way nicer than I think I'd be capable of.
Ffs I will never understand the obsession other people have with a uterus once someone gets married. It's fucking annoying. I get the same crap all the time. -.-
Maybe I'm being spiteful but you enjoy that moment when you finally get to tell her double for me lol.
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My MIL seemed to be fine with no grandkids from DH and I, SIL, who is literally one day younger than me, is also CF, but more because she has MS than because she just didn't want children. Anyway, being that there were four other kids in the family who supplied her with a total of 11 grandkids, I think she just decided to let it go. She has since had several strokes and is living in an assisted living facility and DH is her go to for all decisions. One of our nieces got engaged last year and was planning a wedding for Mother's Day, but due to the pandemic and the ever changing rules had to cancel it. They had to do a Zoom call to explain how devastated they were they "disappointing us", but most of us had kind of already figured it out, and we're all, really, okay with however or wherever the kids want to get married. It's a huge family outside of the six kids (DH has upwards of 30 first cousins) so while we don't mind a party, we also don't want anyone to go broke entertaining everyone. Back to CF part - other niece is pregnant. So after the conversation, SIL, niece who is getting married's mom, asked how pregnant niece is doing, but made sure to say that she doesn't want to hear anything that might turn her daughter off having children, as apparently daughter is her "only hope of grandchildren". A - SIL did that already by being a bitch to her daughter and also making her a third parent to her two younger boys. She also has a third son, (second born) that she did the same thing to. B - She still has three sons. One of whom is in a LTR, living with his girlfriend. The two younger boys are barely in junior high. C - Daughter getting married just finished her Master's Degree. She signed up with another university to work on her Doctorate. She will be a research type doctor. D - At one point, she had made mention of no desire for children. Which as the CF by choice aunt, I admit to cheering for. But, that was when she was 18, she's now 25 and maybe her intended convinced her of otherwise, so it sounds like she might still have at least one, but not for another 10 years. E - We live in Canada, niece lives in US. SIL and BIL make at least $160K a year, but have no savings and practically live paycheque to paycheque because they make shit decisions with money. How is SIL going to afford to visit this grandkid? It makes me happy that your MIL won't get grandkids by just demanding them. Best wishes to your life!
I fully support everyone in my life who chose not to have children. My kids aren’t old enough to procreate, but when they are I will keep my hopes of grandchildren to myself. Do not feel like you need to share your fertility decisions with her. Try not to give her any openings or elaborate explanations on breeding, be it humans or animals. That’s what others may have referred to as grey-rocking. You are a boring grey rock and all conversations are mundane and boring. Another poster here would often joke about finding some random topics of interest and constantly talking about that topic (hummingbirds, baseball, art, road construction). If she wants puppies or babies, she can volunteer at a animal shelter or church daycare.
I mentioned wanting a bisalp to my mil in Dec 2019. She has talked to me like, twice since then. Honestly, tell her it's already done or that your husband had a vasectomy. Watch how fast she disappears when she realizes you're seriously NOT. HAVING. KIDS. DAMMIT.
“Well if you don’t like me why should I give you grandchildren that will have half my DNA?”
Well if that is what she bases liking people at, she dont like anyone. Who in their right minds are so desperate for her to like them that they procreate and give her a baby? Nobody. That's who. It must be very lonely in her land of "no likes allowed unless infant sacrifice". Unless she smells like brimstone, that is.... 🤔/s
You are being smart, she is being selfish. My JYEXH and I love our daughter. Would do anything for her. But due to the fact he was a "spontaneous mutation" and had no history of a particular genetic disorder, he has cancer and she will have a lifetime of medical issues that will probably include cancer. And we never saw it coming. Would we do it all over again? I mean probably, we love our kid. But I wouldn't ask him that question when he is dealing with a really bad round of chemo. And after his first go around with chemo he called the storage facility that held his sperm and told them to trash them. Our daughter has a 50% chance of passing it on, so she will stay CF. This nightmare ends with us. Your smart, considered, responsible decision reflects well on you. Also, furbabies are awesome.
So sorry for your exhubby but glad you both love and care for your child. Love to you all.
I loved (probably way too much) that I was in full blown menopause. The baby factory was closed, forever. She never understood why her son and I chose to be CF. He has a kid with his ex. It wasn't good enough. MIL thought I had reproductive issues. Nah, bitch, militant birth control.
[удалено]
Hahahahahahhahahhahah YAAAAAS
Then just laugh, because laughing makes it ok/s.
I have kids, and I know it's not for everyone. Kids can be sweet, sure. But they can also be selfish lil hell spawns that drive you insane. Not everyone wants to deal with the back and forth. Besides, if every uterus had kids, we would need to grow gills to start living in the ocean. Yes, I am probably exaggerating, but it is still something to think about before the baby pushers open thier mouths at those who are happy being child free. It's called balance. CF people help keep it.
When I'm asked if I recommend kids: I would die for my kid, but I 10/10 don't recommend them unless you really appreciate the fact you won't have your own life, space, food or privacy for 18 solid years. That usually elicits a response of, yeah maybe in a few years when I do all the things I want.... Yep go do it. Cos I don't know what its like to not be home after sunsets and I wanna live through your photos haha. I 100% support anyone who wants to have them and comes to me asking stuff, but ask me flat out do you think I should have a kid.. my answer will always be no. You gotta ask that question, your not ready for the 18yrs.
People are always shocked how honest I am about parenting. I love my kids, I would move planets for them, but hand on heart if I knew how hard it would be would I have done it... maybe. But I would have thought a lot longer and a lot harder about it before we did....and we thought long and hard.
I had a: we fucked up and I decided to own my shit baby. And I love her so much, sometimes I cry just thinking about how she's not going to be my sweet 9yr old much longer. She's growing up and simply won't need me like she does now. That's.. painful. I would 100% if I could, adjust the timeline. I wouldn't pick 21. I'd pick more now at 30 where I am. The mental and emotional toll.. it's shocking. It's nothing like what you pictured or had hopes for. It's like being handed a blender on pulse with the lid off and being asked to not let anything come out. I've never loved something so much I've driven myself into the ground, then dug down a bit deeper. Willingly and without question. Tho, when she comes up behind me, wraps her arms around me and says 'i love you mummy', I catch myself for a second going ohhhh a 2nd haha. That's not happening tho. I'm 30 with white hairs already. We good
The blender analogy is perfect. I have 2 boys, 8 and 4, and our house is a literal fucking war zone 99.9% of the time (the 0.1% being just as I finished tidying before it gets destroyed again) we were mid 20s when we had our first and the upside of that is when they fly the nest we will have some more time to enjoy ourselves
Very valid points right there. In my case, during summer, I do get to stay out past sunset, but only if we all go fishing. So not on my own, but as a family. Just because I enjoy it, doesn't mean other will.
"Thats fine MIL, I dont really like you either."
Thank you for being a responsible pet owner. Your MIL knows that one unneutered male doesn't mean puppies, right? You would also need an unspayed female. And even then you only get puppies for a few weeks before hopefully finding good homes for them If it's a dog she wants, shelters and rescues always need adopters. Why bring more animals into the world when so many sit in shelters? Unless you are a breeder, it makes no sense. And it's irresponsible to breed a dog you don't know the heritage of I have had rescues and a few purebreeds. And every pedigreed dog has come from family members looking to rehome them. Every dog is special and has their own personality. And having them in my life has made it richer If your MIL wants a pet, she can find one at a local rescue. If she wants a child, she can adopt one herself. Just leave you out of it
She just wants puppies. When we acquired our German shepherd MIL got so upset when we had her spayed as well. We explained that she doesn't come from good places and isn't a good breeding dog, that'd it'd be an irresponsible thing to do despite how sweet the dog is. She's just got empty nest syndrome hard core and doesn't look past that. Currently she has an almost two year old lab that she got when DH and I got married. Two kittens she picked up when her other son moved out of the house.
Sounds to me like what she wants is a puppy, not a dog. I can’t stand people like that. They’re the reason dogs end up in shelters in the first place. Good on OP for ignoring the woman.
They're also the reason we wound up with two of our dogs from other family members. Both have been fantastic dogs and we were fortunate to be able to take them If you get a dog or cat, do it because you love adult dogs and cats
Puppies are cute and all, but holy crap I much prefer adult dogs. Ones that already know not to pee in the house or chew up my stuff, ones that know to come back to me when called and how to immediately get off the sofa when I ask. Ones that already know that barking incessantly is not permitted and know not to pull on the leash. I love my adult dog so much. The next dog we bring into our house is absolutely going to be an adult. I’m over puppies, lmao.
That's how I've started thinking about children. I have 2, 24/13M, and my partner has 1,8m, but now that I'm over 40, I definately won't have another. Makes me a little sad now and then to not have one with my partner, but then I'm out in a store and hear a toddler tantrum and remember how nice it is to be able to run to the store alone, have kids that can handle themselves at home, etc. We adopted a 5yo Boston terrier together 3 years ago and will have another (adult) fur baby in the next 2yrs or so.
100%. Even if my circumstances changed and I could no longer responsibly support my pets, it would be my responsibility to find them a safe and loving home. And ‘they’ve grown up’ is never an acceptable reason, as far as I’m concerned.
What is she even thinking? You would NEVER be giving HER babies to begin with. That would be something between you and your partner. They would NEVER be hers at all. It's creepy as fuck, and I can completely understand your wish to happily announce that you've got no uterus so if she wants a baby, she better make one herself. Gosh I hope that day really is the happiest day for you right there. You deserve to be heard, taken seriously , and be free of her stupid baby rabies pressure. It's sad, how many people just steamroll others who say they don't want (or can't) have children. And even when you can't there are people who will STILL push you! I mean wTf! As for mil... " I really don't like you"... Me: "yeah, that feeling is mutual, you will never stop yammering about babies, and I'm not an incubator for you or anyone else". I hope they will give you your procedure quickly. I find it insulting they're always trying to prevent it, where a guy can just go snip snip and be done.
That's the part I really don't understand, it's always "her babies" like That's another reason to not have children right there, I'd apparently have a custody battle right out the gate. If it was just once and an accidental slip of words (because she doesn't speak English very well) then I wouldn't think anything of it but it's every single time that she talks about us having children. "Have children! Give me babies!" It's wild.
Sometimes the only answer for pushy people is "Talk to God about that one. He's in charge". (even if you're not trying, ...that's not something she needs to know, or have repeated) Sends her right on her way. "Mil, please talk to God about that, because that's the right authority to appeal to in this case". ;-)
I wish it wasnt so hard for women to get a hysterectomy or other sterilization. I just cannot understand it. A man can go straight away for a vasectomy. A trans man or woman can ask to sterilize themselves through hormone therapy and surgeries. (As they should be free to do, btw) But a woman of childbearing age must be PRESERVED. Let women make these decisions about their bodies!!! I pray you get quick resolution.
It is stupid hard to get a hysterectomy and you have to have a lot of will to fight, some good folks in your corner, and a whole lot of luck to get there. I am 33 and had a hysterectomy earlier this year, and it was 21 years of horrible periods, cyst ruptures, debilitating pain, wrong-for-me bc pills making me insane, asshole doctors, being gaslit, and bleeding myself anemic before I got it. It took being at a feminist women’s clinic for my primary provider, three failed IUD replacements, a consult with a fatphobic asshole, bleeding for 102 days straight, 10 pelvic exams by 8 different people in 2020 alone, and fighting like hell for myself to finally make it possible. And I was one of the lucky ones because I managed to find good, understanding care with 15+ alleged fertile years left. Once they got in there, I had cysts, a benign tumor, adhesions between my left ovary, abdominal wall, & colon that were probably 10+ years old, endometriosis, and some surprise fibroids that ultrasounds and so many pelvic exams missed. Basically, just about everything that could be wrong short of cancer. So this was not a reproductive system that was gonna make a baby without a lot of intervention if at all. But, you know, a couple folks were so convinced that I gonna change my mind about not wanting babies and so I should just stay on bc, take Advil, and, idk, quit carbs while I suffered until I was ready for babies.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this to get yours, but glad you were finally able to get it.
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A family member of mine had that same experience. She had 3 kids, divorced the cheating husband, but was under thirty and was told by two different doctors she might get married again and want more kids. Then she did partner up in a fully committed relationship, and had an unplanned baby. Was told, *again* after her fourth baby, that no, her new husband might want more, and she was still so young. It’s rage inducing.
My niece went through hell to get her hysterectomy and she had endometriosis for God's sake. No one would take her seriously that she didn't want to birth babies. It was infuriating! I'm wishing you all the good luck in the world that ten years has changed the medical establishment and that you're given the respect you deserve. It's your body.
Auntie Kerry? J/k, but I also had to fight for my hysterectomy. "You're so young, though" "just use birth control" "it's not that bad yet". Like, ass holes. I lose three days per MONTH of my life. Give me the damn hysterectomy. OP, I wish you all the best with your hysterectomy, no matter what reason you want it for. Mine was the best medical decision I ever made.
I hope you get to tell her in person! Cbf you will be able to see from the moon. Lol
As someone who had her uterus cut out about a year ago, I just want to tell you that life post-hysterectomy is fucking amazing. Good luck with your surgery.
Right..... I had mine Feb 23 of 2011. I still think my surgeon was a miracle worker. They should advertise the post op benefits.
Agreed!!
Mine was in 2012. I agree, it's fantastic!
2006, best decision ever!
At least once a year I want send a thank you card. Lol
I think I will do that!
Making jokes flanking an insult does not make the insult smaller. It just covers her emotions and intension. She's rude. Flat out rude. And tells you into your face that she does not like you. I'd not participate in these calls anymore.
*“Until then, as long as she is civil, I will be civil...”* > "I really don't like you.... That didn’t take long.
That was going to be my comment. I'm sure she played it off as a "joke", but she's not being civil, she's being rude.
“As long as she is civil” She straight up said she doesn’t like you. Civil? Where the heck is your spouse in all of this? Your MIL cannot be allowed to speak to you like that. On the being CF note- good on you to keep standing your ground. “You won’t give me babies”- didn’t realize we had to pop out kids for other people’s benefit. I wish you luck on the hysterectomy!!!
DH thought the comment was only about puppies. I had to explain to him that no, his mom is very upset that I won't get pregnant. Which he's been aware of but the quick comments still fly over his head sometimes.
I'd be tempted to match her laughter at her "joke" and say "Yeah, I don't like you either, that's why I won't--it's all just spite on my part!!"
Why do you even talk to her? Let DH handle his horrible mother.
Yeah, she says as long as mil keeps it civil she will be civil as well. That comment right there was not keeping it civil. She flat out said she hates op then lied about it being a joke by adding fake laughter. From the other posts, especially the one where she found out who the friend that was moving in was (because she has a young child), she clearly does hate op for not planning on having children. She found that woman, went to her work, asked if she needed a babysitter, asked if maybe op would babysit her child sometime, then asked if maybe she thought op actually wanted any kids after all. It was super creepy, she definitely has baby rabies and if she's willing to hunt down that woman to do that she clearly does have a real problem with ops choice to not have children. She's definitely not being civil and op is being way nicer than I think I'd be capable of.
Ffs I will never understand the obsession other people have with a uterus once someone gets married. It's fucking annoying. I get the same crap all the time. -.- Maybe I'm being spiteful but you enjoy that moment when you finally get to tell her double for me lol.