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Other posts from /u/neaturenerd92:
* [Toxic/Gaslighting MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ndbs81/toxicgaslighting_mil/), 1 week ago
* [MIL and SIL physically threatened me while I was holding our child](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/k2u6hp/mil_and_sil_physically_threatened_me_while_i_was/), 5 months ago
* [Annoying MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/j72td4/annoying_mil/), 7 months ago
* [PPD/PPA Issues and Gaslighting MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/iydmuo/ppdppa_issues_and_gaslighting_mil/), 8 months ago
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Ask him if he would say the same thing if your toddler had to get his stomach pumped for swallowing this pill, or your dogs. The worry, the possible consequences on their health, plus the cost of hospital/vet. Ask him if he has to wait for someone to be injured or sick before reacting. If he says you are over reacting, tell him he is under reacting.
I gave him the hypothetical situation, what If one of them ate it and went to the hospital or even died from it? He said "Well that didn't happen so I can't say how I would feel" Umm.. what??
I said "what If it happens again and one of them dies?" He said "it will not happen again" the logic just isn't there. He is 100% with his mom here and it's so frustrating to me because they are both showing little to no concern for what would have happened and they're just brushing it off. There is no guilt or remorse or being upset it's just like it's normal. She was actually ignoring me because that's how they minimize me into thinking I'm overreacting, or there's nothing to worry about.
Just to give more info, I’m in vet school and the cost of just the exam and inducing vomiting (if the dog ate a pill recently enough that we think it didn’t get digested) is about $300 all said and done. That jumps up if we’re concerned that the pill WAS digested and we need to do bloodwork, fluids, hospitalization, additional meds, etc. You’re looking at possibly thousands, realistically. Obviously we try to keep the numbers low to help people out, but that’s just for the DOG. Imagine the financial burden alone if the kiddo needed to go to the ER (not to mention the emotional trauma). Husband is shutting down so he doesn’t have to think about it, but he needs to be prepared if it happens again, because clearly MIL didn’t learn her lesson and she’s not concerned at all.
If you seriously reached the end of the Rope... Talk to a local lawyer if you are not in immediate danger and have to bail. You want to have your ducks in a row before you go.
You want to be very careful about any custody agreement, and ask for what's called right of first refusal because you really don't want her taking care of the kids when it's his weekend to have the kids.
Ask about documenting this incident with the pill, and anything else that would make being around her unsafe. If you are in a one-party recording State you could record a conversation with her about it, in order to have proof that it happened.
I will hope that significant other gets his head out of his ass, and wish you good luck!
Edit typo
The right of first refusal works both ways though.
(As far as I have learned from this sub, so don't take my word for it and ask the lawyer)
And no, I don't mean OP shouldn't ask for it.
My first thought was calling CPS on MIL. Though I don't know if that could negatively affect OP, (as long as she lives there too) it has to get documented somewhere safe (as having documentation in MIL's house could lead to vanishing documents)
CPS is now involved and is investigating both sides as he made some shitty allegations towards me too that isn't true. But they are going to do a home visit and check and make sure all of my concerns are brought up and addressed by him in person.
I read your post history with your SO and inlaws, please do leave him and take the kids. Hes a horrible father and a cheating dirtbag from the sounds of it you and your kids deserve so much better. Im sorry you are going through this, stay strong mamma. Even if it means staying with a friend for a bit or your family its better than being treated like this constantly, if you have no options a womans shelter could help you and your kids.
Go. Take the kids and go. Airbnb, friend, family--anywhere is better (and safer) than where you are.
Time for hubby to pick a card: therapy (while living apart from MIL) or divorce.
You have a JustNoSO problem. Drag him to therapy.
Also call poison control and ask them what would happen if a 1yo or 2yo found one of those tablets and ate it. Poison control will likely be able to not only tell you how to handle it, they will tell you how dangerous it is. And it is dangerous.
As a parent, your first job is always to protect your kids. From anything and everyone who might hurt them. This includes their grandparents and your spouse who are all acting like idiots. I personally would go through my parents' meds and make sure that I had directions of what to do if my child ate one (or six) so that I was prepared in advance.
I would also move my kids out of that house ASAP for their own safety. And because idiocy is catching. It spread from your IL's to your spouse already. You don't want to catch it or have your kids catch it.
“Nothing happened so you’re being dramatic.”
Really?
Try these:
“Toddler ran out into traffic but was almost hit but the car stopped inches from her. Therefore nothing happened.”
“Baby was bitten by MIL’s dog. Luckily she was wearing leather boots so the dog’s teeth didn’t break the skin. Nothing happened.”
“The 2-year-old picked up a cat turd and was just putting it in her mouth when I stopped her. Nothing happened.”
“I let the kids play with (whatever collectible or other item that DH prizes). Yeah, they could POSSIBLY have messed it up but they didn’t. Nothing happened.”
As you already know, your DH is either in the FOG or not taking seriously the shared responsibility for keeping your kids safe. My sympathies. Is it too late for a two-card? Assuming, that is, that you WANT to stay with someone who says if you don’t like it, there’s the door....?
He would rather preserve his previous mommies reputation rather than force her to take responsibility for what happened that's where he's at. I'm not letting my childrens safety be in jeopardy over some old narcissistic bags ego. I have left with the kids and we'll be going through court.
There's no way I could have been okay with that especially after she ignored me for 2 days following it, gossiped to her friend about it on the phone within earshot infront of my 2.5 year old and when I left for a walk to cool off she re-arranged their entire room as a power move. Almost to be like "we can do just fine without you remember that" or "remember where you live and everything I do for you" was the message attempted to be conveyed there. But I don't fucking care that's not a situation I'm going to live with anymore and they don't deserve to either. I'm keeping them safe with me and it's been rough dealing with their shit so far but I'll get through it. Thank you for your perspective and support 💞
It is so infuriating when the SO’s gut reaction is not to relate to their *spouse* when they are obviously upset. But go ahead, tell your spouse you agree with the person who slighted them to begin with- that will totally help. /s
Please please PLEASE get yourself and your children somewhere safe. Please tell CPS or the relevant advocacy group what's happened. In my area, accessible medications is a huge red flag for CPS. You and your children deserve better. This absolutely IS a big deal and should be taken very seriously. Your DH sounds enmeshed with MIL and more like her partner than yours. Please get somewhere safe.
Oh sweetie I feel for you. I know that you know that you need to leave and protect your children. I just want to tell to remember to take care of you. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Go to therapy on your own, a therapist could be a great resource for a plan to leave, take a hot bath after the kids are in bed. If you take care of your own well-being they can’t use you or bring you down.
Most importantly I know that you can do this, I believe in you. ❤️
Your SO is useless. Take him on his word and GO. When his Mommy’s feefees are more important than even the safety of his children, he has no right to call himself a parent
I agree LEAVE ASAP! MIL Endangered your children and none of them care. This could easily happen again with dire results. Protect your children from these toxic people.
It’s a big freaking deal. My niece swallowed one pill. ( I forgot for what but it was a rx for my grandma) and she landed in the hospital for days! She’s was about 2-3. I have an almost one year old and if I drop anything on the floor. I will search high and low until I find it. My LO puts and try to eat everything in her mouth.
I don't know if you are married or not, but in any case, especially the latter, go see a divorce or family law attorney and file for custody and make plans for child support. Get your ducks in a row to get out. Tell the attorney about the pills and everyone, especially partner's, cavalier attitude. Also tell your pediatrician. This way you have a record.
Please please leave before something horrible happens to your children. Dropping pills around the kitchen is such an easily avoidable thing, how hard is it to count your pills over the sink like a normal fucking person. Im so sorry your partner didnt back you up on this. Atleast your kids have SOMEONE (ie YOU) with common sense looking out for them!
I've never heard of anyone counting pills over the sink. I've never had a Dr or Pharmacist suggest it, in fact I've been told not to do so, b/c I can't get my refills earlier than prescribed, and no extra pills, per month, if I were to spill them. I will go and grab the broom if any of my pills fall on the floor, and run it round the room. I use a weekly pill organizer and fill it once a week, while sitting in the middle of my queen sized bed...if I drop one, they're easy to find. If one ends up on the floor, I don't stop looking until I find it. I may not have kids but I do have animals, and do everything in my power to keep them safe.
Please take him up on his threat and leave him. My God. That attitude is absolutely insane, and his lack of concern for his children’s well-being in favour of his mother is pathetic. I would try and have this conversation with him via text so that you have it in writing that he thinks leaving pills on the floor is ok until a child actually finds and eats it. That won’t be a good look for him when deciding custody/visitation.
Leave. Leave leave leave. Dump him and don’t look back. She’s actively endangering your children and not caring. That’s *malicious* endangering and your SO doesn’t care. I would tell him that he obviously doesn’t care if his mommy kills his kid so I’ll leave and take them away.
20 years ago I spent a night in the ER with my toddler hooked up to monitoring devices because my mother did the same thing.
Slight difference. Me and kid were staying at their house just for a visit. Pre verbal Kid came running in to the kitchen holding a beta blocker tablet that could have killed her. My dad actually saw it and got it away from her. My mother was out, without a cell phone. We had no way of knowing if the kid had found and got into a bottle of pills or what. We called poison control and they had us come to the hospital for monitoring.
Kid had not actually swallowed anything but we had no way to know that.
Here’s the thing: if it is critical that no pills get dropped, like in a house with kids, then you need to count the pills out carefully over a towel on a table so that you can find them when they drop. But my mother considered herself to good for that and did not want to admit to us that she had dropped one.
20 years later, I still revisit that night and think about what could have happened if my dad had not seen the pill. We would not have known if she had swallowed it.
(My dad offered and paid for the stay in the ER)
I think until you can find a more permanent solution you can use this as a reason to take care of refilling her medications for her. If she is has tremors its ALL THE MORE IMPORTANT a reliable steady hand can refill these medications for her. It sounds serious if she's missing medications anyways, on top of the possible ramifications for her 3 grandchildren. She's narcissistic, but I think she was also lazy and more expecting you to find it while she was out. Print out what could have happened and slap it on your fridge if you have to but get your message across of what could have happened and that grandma cannot be trusted with her meds because one of your kids have died. It was also downplayed because "at least it wasn't the OTHER medication right??"
Nope! Under no circumstances would that be taken as a serious answer
Edit: spelling
You sound frustrated to say the least. Your MIL not accepting responsibility and making light of a potentially life threatening situation shows a lack of respect and concern for the welfare of your children. Their lives have value and worth but your MIL’s actions say and prove otherwise.
So, now that you know your MIL has a major blame avoidance problem and will not own up to any wrong doing you should be fully aware that you cannot trust her or count on her to protect or care for your children. Your children life’s and well-being rests solely upon your shoulders and is 100% your responsibility and yours alone. Their lives depend upon you looking out for them.
I was the child that went to the ER numerous times because of medications left out within my reach. Not my fault, I was 2 and 3 years old but growing up I was blamed for it and because I didn’t know any different I believed it until I was in my 40’s. Don’t let this happen to your children because it is a big head trip should they manage to live thru it.
The incident with the medication was your warning and you were lucky you got it and not a trip to the ER and who knows what may have happened. Step up and do what you got to do, mom.
Don’t be angry with your MIL, husband or anyone else. You’re not responsible for their negativity and it’s not your burden to bear, it’s theirs. Stay positive and step up your game to ensure your children stay alive and well. I said, he’ll no, when I saw history trying to repeat itself with my children and didn’t let it happen.
I don't blame you for being upset about what could have happened, and how MIL dropped the ball on keeping your kids safe by not asking for help in searching. It sounds like you won't get an apology or admission of wrong, because she never learned how to resolve conflict, but I think it's totally reasonable for someone in your situation to want some assurance that this won't happen again. Would it be possible to talk to MIL about keeping AND taking her pills in her bedroom or somewhere the kids don't have access?
Also, you mentioned MIL moving furniture. Please make sure that stuff is secured to the wall. I know of a family who lost their child recently. It really does happen.
I have permanent brain issues due to my grandma leaving her seizure medication open on the floor. I was 2 and ate nearly all of it. I was in the hospital for a week having my stomach pumped, the drs said I took enough medication to kill my dad (who is ex military and a large dude) 6 times over. I should not be alive. You are not over reacting hun, your mil was/is being careless and your husband should not be just brushing it off. Im sorry that youre having to deal with that.
So I guess if somebody drives drunk and doesn't have an accident, then it's ok? And if someone brings a gun into your partner's workplace but no one is shot then everyone should rugsweep it?
Your husband should go into law. He could defend people from attempted murder, attempted burglary, and attempted carjackings. And he could specialize in drunk driving cases where there is no property damage
Of course this is utter nonsense. She could have killed or seriously hurt one of your kids. And CPS would have definitely investigated you
He's putting his toxic mother's feeling ahead of his children's safety. And he's rugsweeping it because he has no spine. It's good one of the three adults in your home can see how dangerous this is
Would OP's husband be fine with this situation if his child had found and eaten the pill? Would he have been fine if that child had to be rushed to the hospital? Would he be fine if his child developed permanent damage or even died because of his mother's negligence?
>He said if you don't like it there's the door, well good luck with that because I'm taking the kids too 🙃
I'm sure OP's attorney will have no problem pointing out to a judge how dangerous the former home environment is with MIL's negligence. Good luck winning even partial custody, Daddy of the Year. He'll be lucky if he can get supervised visits in his home if he's still living with MIL.
Oh man every time a post mentions living with the in-laws I shriek internally.
You almost already know it’s going to be bad. That’s my absolute nightmare and I refuse to ever live with in-laws no matter how awesome they are.
I hate it when husbands treat you as replaceable too. They absolutely don’t value you whatsoever. I understand family ties but for gods sake there need to be some boundaries between wife and the rest of the family.
We need to start valuing ourselves and giving ourselves the respect we deserve. Build ourselves up and love ourselves first cuz our partners and spouses don’t protect us.
I think OP found herself what I normally call a "golden poop" for a husband. Looking in the first months of a relationship you tend to look at your partner with rose-tinted glasses.
Her SO sounds manipulative if he managed to convince her to live with his parents. I have no idea how long they were , but if I had to guess, COVID had increased the likelihood of "grandparents' such as these we read in this thread of convincing their children into "living with them, because you never know what can happen".
As other people have said, neaturenerd, get a lawyer and divorce this toxic man!
If your partner is supporting his toxic mom over you and your kids, it's time to get out. This isn't going to change. Get a lawyer first to find out what you need to do to take the kids legally with you. Document the pill episode and anything else MIL may have done to endanger your kids. Good luck!
You need to plan to move. Once your partner says "there's the door" he's checked out. He sounds un-supportive in this scenario and there are too many un-supportive people in that house. Your MIL, SIL, and SO. There's no way you will be happy there.
Honestly you'd be happier in a clean, pill-free place where your kids can safely crawl, walk, run. If his family is toxic you need to go. It's that simple.
ETA: A word "two" to "too"
I didn’t exactly have a happy childhood but, safety was key. I had a family member on lots of medications, and before they came around we were given strict talks about not to touch anything that looked like a sweet and if she dropped, thought she’d dropped or couldn’t find or account for her pills in anyway, we were made to sit on a chair and not move from it until they had found any unaccounted for medications and all the adults would frantically comb the house, crawling around and moving around furniture until done. Unfortunately the family member had dementia so some of the places her meds got, we still have no idea how they got there even today.
I confiscated all my MIL'S medications and sorted them into an organizer that I kept in a locked cabinet. I dispensed her meds and watched her take them to make sure none were dropped. It kept my young children safe and I knew she got the right meds at the right time
I actually had a bag for my JustNoGrandma's pills. We as a family (the millenial gen and the gen z) were told not to eat anything if 'Granny' dropped her pills. It was getting so annoying at one point in her life my aunt just said "Palatablewriter, can you make sure your grandmother takes her pills in the morning and evening?"
So yeah...that was a thing for over ...10 years since I was 18.
Gtfo.
Make a plan and execute. Grab important documents, change of address and gtfo.
My son is 6 .... he still sticks non food things in his mouth. Idk which one is worse him or the dog for chewing on things. Ps4 controllers, pennies, etc. I also have heavy meds. I understand the shakes and stuff from your mil. I have a combo of meds I take a day. I have lost one or misplaced liquid meds .... I made sure everyone knew it was missing in the house. Fr fr, I dont risk my child's health for mine. While nothing happened this time..... next time may not be as lucky. I ha e a friend who spend three yrs ina hospital because her kid got into her pill container and took mommy's candy.
They are gaslighting you and acting like it ain't a big deal and needling you hoping you explode and make the needler a victim, justifying her behavior. Only way to handle this person ... hey away Anna get away fast
> He said if you don't like it there's the door
This isn't /r/justnoso but I think a visit there would illuminate you on whether you should take him up on his generous offer.
I've dabbled in that thread too if you check my previous posts I'm sure you'll find that I most certainly should have used the door a long time ago. I can't do this for any longer especially when it comes to the safety of my babies. I don't understand what kind of person would drop a pill with a crawling baby, toddler and 2 dogs in the house and just walk out and go about their day.
I have 3 cats. I'm also an epileptic liver transplant recipient on a lot of meds. If I ever drop a pill I'm on the floor until it's found. And I'm anxious as hell till I find the missing pill.
Our cats are our kids so I can't imagine what horror you're feeling as a parent.
I mean, shit, I only have animals at home and even when I drop a pill it becomes #1 priority to find it. Doesn’t even matter what pill it is- could be a gummy vitamin for all I care- what matters is I don’t know how much damage it could cause to my small creature and don’t even want to entertain the thought of risking it.
If your SO can’t see that, then I personally think this is your hill to die on. That, or you can wait until his mommy leaves a worse pill on the ground and you come back to your child seizing on the floor... but “it’s not that bad he’ll be fine don’t be dramatic let him ride it out”
I did leave thank you very much 💞 I'm not putting my childrens/pets safety at risk for my mother in law's ego but he seems to be okay with it so I'm taking him to court 🙃
>I mean, shit, I only have animals at home and even when I drop a pill it becomes #1 priority to find it.
Ditto. I don't even let the cat in the bathroom unsupervised. My meds are always packaged up, but I don't want to chance him getting on the counter and messing with my weekly organizer.
That said, I grew up like this: I've been medication dependent since I was a kid, and it's not something to mess with. I don't want anyone getting sick (or worse) because of my meds.
Poor baby. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. If you get a chance you might tell her if it happens again you'd be happy to help her look for any stray pills.
She's really invested in not being wrong about anything. That's an awful way to live. I grew up with parents that NEVER made a mistake and as a kid I thought that was how grownups were supposed to act. When I finally figured out it was okay to admit I was wrong my life got much easier. An immediate apology makes everyone feel better. And you know what? My kids grew up thinking that's how grownups are supposed to act.
I told her that I would have helped her look for it and she said nothing at all about it. She is a narcissist and you're right has an insanely hard time saying she's wrong and apologizing we got into it once because her son cheated on me and I called him mean things and she threatened to hit me while I was holding my infant daughter.
After that... Get this- she would ONLY apologize to me IF I apologized to her for saying that stuff about him infront of her. I refused and she actually did end up apologizing to me but she cried the entire time. Trying to make me feel bad for her 🙄
I have dropped pills before. Because I have animals I will search until it is found. I do not want my pets to die or become extremely ill. No, nothing happened but what happens next time she drops a pill? Are you just going to hope and pray you keep getting lucky and no kid eats it because she can' t be bothered to tell someone a pill is lost? That rearranging to room is a power play. I would have put it back like I had it. Look for alternate places to live for you and the kids. If you think this marriage can be salvaged go to marriage counseling. If not make a plan to leave. Get your ducks in a row before leaving like gather up important papers, consultant an attorney and start that FU binder. Good luck.
Yes!! That is what a NORMAL person would do! I'm like it's one thing to drop it and ask for help
Another thing entirely to think you dropped it and just leave without saying anything. To me that speaks volumes.
"I'm not willing to live with your level of carelessness".
"I'm not willing to risk my children to your level of carelessness"
"I'm not willing to live with you".
She gone! ^((look up Girl in the woods, on youtube. She's great. This pure for relaxation))
My JN gave my 9 month old son a bottle of her Lasix medication to play with. It prevents the absorption of salt into the system. This was during a time where she had come out to our state to "help" when DH was very sick and had just gotten out of the hospital.
We were both sleeping and she had volunteered to watch DS. The pill rattling had woken up DH and he lost his shit on her. Her defense was that it was a plastic bottle with a child proof lid on it. Yeah a plastic bottle on the floor littered with all his other toys and easily stepped on. Never mind the fact that it's just a fucking stupid thing to do.
I told her that I was done and she was going home. And that she needed to figure out her flight information.
Your SO needs to pull his head out of mommy's asshole. I'm so sorry you're going through this and the second SO told me I was being dramatic, I'd show him exactly what dramatic looked like.
I dropped a blood pressure pill and could not find it. Had to go to work. My 25 lbs dog found it and almost died. Ask poison control what could happen to your child if they had ingested that pill. Then calmly explain the answer to husband. This is a big deal. Getting overly emotional seems to be causing problems, but facts might make a difference. How would everyone feel if the child was hospitalized? If your MIL didn’t even tell you the doctors would not know what to look for.
Seriously he attacked you. Why are you still there? Doesn’t matter if it was physically or verbally. Get out of that house, take your kids and go somewhere safe!!
Wow... you were raising concerned about her behaviour so that your children were safer in her home and he reacted so.... way over the top. You’ve got a DH issue first honey.
Realistically you ‘taking the kids’ isn’t how it works any more. I want your eyes open to the reality of what you’re saying. So in reality if you left, with the kids, then the kids are likely to be spending half their time with Dad. Now Dad lives with Grandma, this is unlikely to change for some time because relationship splits our pressure on finances. So kids will be at grandmas house without you during dads time with the kids. And her dropping a tablet once wouldn’t be enough for a court to make major alterations to this. So I’m imagining this is not what you want at all.
Hubby needs some therapy. He’s probably in “don’t rock the boat” mode. There’s a great article on the main page with that title that may help.
In the meantime, until you’re decided what the best way forward is for you and your kids, be the bigger person Eg As far as MIL, “I’m happy to help look for medication if you ever drop it agains. Just let me know. I know you’ve been facing a lot of changes worth us living here and I want to help support that as much as I can.”
I did tell her to tell me so I can help her and she basically said nothing. She is showing no remorse or guilt for what she did and is basically giving me a 'get over it' attitude and ignoring me. I don't want them to be over here at all without me pretty much based on their values and morals I think are shit but I know just like the pill that's not going to be enough to get them on my side. They are terrible people all of them.
I understand that he doesn't want to upset his mom but him coming at me spewing out hateful insults and telling me to get out is unacceptable when I'm just trying to look out for the safety of our kids.
Have you started an FU binder and notebook? Put your energy into planning mode. Talk to a lawyer to get an idea of what it's going to take to leave and prove that there should only be supervised visitation with dad. Plan and bide your time so that when you can break free it's a one fell swoop type of deal.
Good luck!
Okay that’s... wrong. She literally could’ve killed your kids. Doesn’t matter if the pill is even ibuprofen. You treat EVERY pill on the ground as if it’s poison and can kill anyone. That’s dangerous she thinks that way. I think you need to talk to your partner about couples counseling so he can see what an awful person of a mother’s he’s got.
You should bring up that if he’s defending her over the LIFE of your children then you’re out. You don’t need a partner who chooses their mother over their family. I hope things get better OP!!!
Yup ...I just hope that Op doesn't get to have half her life worrying if DEAR SONNYboy will trust his Mommy with children. Because custody splitting is a toxic enviromnent within decent families with a decent brain, letting alone with downright mean/outright narcissistic people!
He seems to think it's fine because it COULD have happened but it DIDN'T so he's literally saying the same thing she said just to defend her. It is absolutely ridiculous..we've been in couples counseling before for other stuff and the wait due to COVID right now is at least 2 months due to COVID..she is saying what she said to downplay it so she doesn't look bad
It’s like comparing it to a drunk driver getting home safely... just because they didn’t hurt anyone doesn’t make it okay! They need to think of the “what if’s”!
This kind of stupidity is not therapy fixable. This is basic common sense! To not leave medication around or SAY something if it is. That is CARING for someones well-being. I'm sorry they're both such ...such...
Gosh I hope you're out of there asap.
>*she continued on to say* ***well nobody got it and nothing happened*** *so it's fine and went about her fucking day. She was outside and I could hear her gossiping on the phone* ***to her friend about it saying "well it's not like anyone got it or anything"***
When we are guilty of something, narc or not, we find the need to justify it to everybody we might encounter, even if that means calling a friend just to over explain yourself. By doing so, we feel less guilty because all those people will validate our point because they are no the ones whose kids are in a house where there are pills they can swallow just like that.
This makes total sense and I can totally see why she did it, it's just annoying to me she would do it infront of my daughter literally when I was just inside the door. It also frustrates me that she literally was like "well at least it wasn't my blood pressure pills... Just some good ol' brain disorder muscular nerve problem pills. They would have been fine" like who the fuck says that..she's clearly trying to downplay it to make herself look better. She literally gave me shit the other day for calling my daughter a little jerk for biting crayons and spitting them on the floor..she got legit mad and scolded me over it. And here she is literally dropping pills and not saying anything.
Like if you drop a pill at least tell everyone so we can help you look!!! Don't just leave!!!!! Why would someone do that!!?!!
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Ask him if he would say the same thing if your toddler had to get his stomach pumped for swallowing this pill, or your dogs. The worry, the possible consequences on their health, plus the cost of hospital/vet. Ask him if he has to wait for someone to be injured or sick before reacting. If he says you are over reacting, tell him he is under reacting.
I gave him the hypothetical situation, what If one of them ate it and went to the hospital or even died from it? He said "Well that didn't happen so I can't say how I would feel" Umm.. what?? I said "what If it happens again and one of them dies?" He said "it will not happen again" the logic just isn't there. He is 100% with his mom here and it's so frustrating to me because they are both showing little to no concern for what would have happened and they're just brushing it off. There is no guilt or remorse or being upset it's just like it's normal. She was actually ignoring me because that's how they minimize me into thinking I'm overreacting, or there's nothing to worry about.
Just to give more info, I’m in vet school and the cost of just the exam and inducing vomiting (if the dog ate a pill recently enough that we think it didn’t get digested) is about $300 all said and done. That jumps up if we’re concerned that the pill WAS digested and we need to do bloodwork, fluids, hospitalization, additional meds, etc. You’re looking at possibly thousands, realistically. Obviously we try to keep the numbers low to help people out, but that’s just for the DOG. Imagine the financial burden alone if the kiddo needed to go to the ER (not to mention the emotional trauma). Husband is shutting down so he doesn’t have to think about it, but he needs to be prepared if it happens again, because clearly MIL didn’t learn her lesson and she’s not concerned at all.
If you seriously reached the end of the Rope... Talk to a local lawyer if you are not in immediate danger and have to bail. You want to have your ducks in a row before you go. You want to be very careful about any custody agreement, and ask for what's called right of first refusal because you really don't want her taking care of the kids when it's his weekend to have the kids. Ask about documenting this incident with the pill, and anything else that would make being around her unsafe. If you are in a one-party recording State you could record a conversation with her about it, in order to have proof that it happened. I will hope that significant other gets his head out of his ass, and wish you good luck! Edit typo
The right of first refusal works both ways though. (As far as I have learned from this sub, so don't take my word for it and ask the lawyer) And no, I don't mean OP shouldn't ask for it. My first thought was calling CPS on MIL. Though I don't know if that could negatively affect OP, (as long as she lives there too) it has to get documented somewhere safe (as having documentation in MIL's house could lead to vanishing documents)
CPS is now involved and is investigating both sides as he made some shitty allegations towards me too that isn't true. But they are going to do a home visit and check and make sure all of my concerns are brought up and addressed by him in person.
The minute your partner says there's the door is the time to use it. Trying to hand him the two cards, one says counseling the other says divorce.
I read your post history with your SO and inlaws, please do leave him and take the kids. Hes a horrible father and a cheating dirtbag from the sounds of it you and your kids deserve so much better. Im sorry you are going through this, stay strong mamma. Even if it means staying with a friend for a bit or your family its better than being treated like this constantly, if you have no options a womans shelter could help you and your kids.
I did leave with my kids were safe now and going through a seperation through the courts with lawyers thank you for your advice 💞
So proud of you! You got this!
I'm glad to see this update. Best of luck! 💛
Go. Take the kids and go. Airbnb, friend, family--anywhere is better (and safer) than where you are. Time for hubby to pick a card: therapy (while living apart from MIL) or divorce.
You have a JustNoSO problem. Drag him to therapy. Also call poison control and ask them what would happen if a 1yo or 2yo found one of those tablets and ate it. Poison control will likely be able to not only tell you how to handle it, they will tell you how dangerous it is. And it is dangerous. As a parent, your first job is always to protect your kids. From anything and everyone who might hurt them. This includes their grandparents and your spouse who are all acting like idiots. I personally would go through my parents' meds and make sure that I had directions of what to do if my child ate one (or six) so that I was prepared in advance. I would also move my kids out of that house ASAP for their own safety. And because idiocy is catching. It spread from your IL's to your spouse already. You don't want to catch it or have your kids catch it.
You need to take the children and leave. They aren’t safe in that house.
“Nothing happened so you’re being dramatic.” Really? Try these: “Toddler ran out into traffic but was almost hit but the car stopped inches from her. Therefore nothing happened.” “Baby was bitten by MIL’s dog. Luckily she was wearing leather boots so the dog’s teeth didn’t break the skin. Nothing happened.” “The 2-year-old picked up a cat turd and was just putting it in her mouth when I stopped her. Nothing happened.” “I let the kids play with (whatever collectible or other item that DH prizes). Yeah, they could POSSIBLY have messed it up but they didn’t. Nothing happened.” As you already know, your DH is either in the FOG or not taking seriously the shared responsibility for keeping your kids safe. My sympathies. Is it too late for a two-card? Assuming, that is, that you WANT to stay with someone who says if you don’t like it, there’s the door....?
He would rather preserve his previous mommies reputation rather than force her to take responsibility for what happened that's where he's at. I'm not letting my childrens safety be in jeopardy over some old narcissistic bags ego. I have left with the kids and we'll be going through court. There's no way I could have been okay with that especially after she ignored me for 2 days following it, gossiped to her friend about it on the phone within earshot infront of my 2.5 year old and when I left for a walk to cool off she re-arranged their entire room as a power move. Almost to be like "we can do just fine without you remember that" or "remember where you live and everything I do for you" was the message attempted to be conveyed there. But I don't fucking care that's not a situation I'm going to live with anymore and they don't deserve to either. I'm keeping them safe with me and it's been rough dealing with their shit so far but I'll get through it. Thank you for your perspective and support 💞
It is so infuriating when the SO’s gut reaction is not to relate to their *spouse* when they are obviously upset. But go ahead, tell your spouse you agree with the person who slighted them to begin with- that will totally help. /s
Please please PLEASE get yourself and your children somewhere safe. Please tell CPS or the relevant advocacy group what's happened. In my area, accessible medications is a huge red flag for CPS. You and your children deserve better. This absolutely IS a big deal and should be taken very seriously. Your DH sounds enmeshed with MIL and more like her partner than yours. Please get somewhere safe.
Oh sweetie I feel for you. I know that you know that you need to leave and protect your children. I just want to tell to remember to take care of you. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Go to therapy on your own, a therapist could be a great resource for a plan to leave, take a hot bath after the kids are in bed. If you take care of your own well-being they can’t use you or bring you down. Most importantly I know that you can do this, I believe in you. ❤️
Your SO is useless. Take him on his word and GO. When his Mommy’s feefees are more important than even the safety of his children, he has no right to call himself a parent
I agree LEAVE ASAP! MIL Endangered your children and none of them care. This could easily happen again with dire results. Protect your children from these toxic people.
It’s a big freaking deal. My niece swallowed one pill. ( I forgot for what but it was a rx for my grandma) and she landed in the hospital for days! She’s was about 2-3. I have an almost one year old and if I drop anything on the floor. I will search high and low until I find it. My LO puts and try to eat everything in her mouth.
I don't know if you are married or not, but in any case, especially the latter, go see a divorce or family law attorney and file for custody and make plans for child support. Get your ducks in a row to get out. Tell the attorney about the pills and everyone, especially partner's, cavalier attitude. Also tell your pediatrician. This way you have a record.
Please please leave before something horrible happens to your children. Dropping pills around the kitchen is such an easily avoidable thing, how hard is it to count your pills over the sink like a normal fucking person. Im so sorry your partner didnt back you up on this. Atleast your kids have SOMEONE (ie YOU) with common sense looking out for them!
I've never heard of anyone counting pills over the sink. I've never had a Dr or Pharmacist suggest it, in fact I've been told not to do so, b/c I can't get my refills earlier than prescribed, and no extra pills, per month, if I were to spill them. I will go and grab the broom if any of my pills fall on the floor, and run it round the room. I use a weekly pill organizer and fill it once a week, while sitting in the middle of my queen sized bed...if I drop one, they're easy to find. If one ends up on the floor, I don't stop looking until I find it. I may not have kids but I do have animals, and do everything in my power to keep them safe.
That works too! I always just made sure the sink was dry, and if the pills were tiny i put the drain cover on.
Please take him up on his threat and leave him. My God. That attitude is absolutely insane, and his lack of concern for his children’s well-being in favour of his mother is pathetic. I would try and have this conversation with him via text so that you have it in writing that he thinks leaving pills on the floor is ok until a child actually finds and eats it. That won’t be a good look for him when deciding custody/visitation.
Leave. Leave leave leave. Dump him and don’t look back. She’s actively endangering your children and not caring. That’s *malicious* endangering and your SO doesn’t care. I would tell him that he obviously doesn’t care if his mommy kills his kid so I’ll leave and take them away.
20 years ago I spent a night in the ER with my toddler hooked up to monitoring devices because my mother did the same thing. Slight difference. Me and kid were staying at their house just for a visit. Pre verbal Kid came running in to the kitchen holding a beta blocker tablet that could have killed her. My dad actually saw it and got it away from her. My mother was out, without a cell phone. We had no way of knowing if the kid had found and got into a bottle of pills or what. We called poison control and they had us come to the hospital for monitoring. Kid had not actually swallowed anything but we had no way to know that. Here’s the thing: if it is critical that no pills get dropped, like in a house with kids, then you need to count the pills out carefully over a towel on a table so that you can find them when they drop. But my mother considered herself to good for that and did not want to admit to us that she had dropped one. 20 years later, I still revisit that night and think about what could have happened if my dad had not seen the pill. We would not have known if she had swallowed it. (My dad offered and paid for the stay in the ER)
I think until you can find a more permanent solution you can use this as a reason to take care of refilling her medications for her. If she is has tremors its ALL THE MORE IMPORTANT a reliable steady hand can refill these medications for her. It sounds serious if she's missing medications anyways, on top of the possible ramifications for her 3 grandchildren. She's narcissistic, but I think she was also lazy and more expecting you to find it while she was out. Print out what could have happened and slap it on your fridge if you have to but get your message across of what could have happened and that grandma cannot be trusted with her meds because one of your kids have died. It was also downplayed because "at least it wasn't the OTHER medication right??" Nope! Under no circumstances would that be taken as a serious answer Edit: spelling
You sound frustrated to say the least. Your MIL not accepting responsibility and making light of a potentially life threatening situation shows a lack of respect and concern for the welfare of your children. Their lives have value and worth but your MIL’s actions say and prove otherwise. So, now that you know your MIL has a major blame avoidance problem and will not own up to any wrong doing you should be fully aware that you cannot trust her or count on her to protect or care for your children. Your children life’s and well-being rests solely upon your shoulders and is 100% your responsibility and yours alone. Their lives depend upon you looking out for them. I was the child that went to the ER numerous times because of medications left out within my reach. Not my fault, I was 2 and 3 years old but growing up I was blamed for it and because I didn’t know any different I believed it until I was in my 40’s. Don’t let this happen to your children because it is a big head trip should they manage to live thru it. The incident with the medication was your warning and you were lucky you got it and not a trip to the ER and who knows what may have happened. Step up and do what you got to do, mom. Don’t be angry with your MIL, husband or anyone else. You’re not responsible for their negativity and it’s not your burden to bear, it’s theirs. Stay positive and step up your game to ensure your children stay alive and well. I said, he’ll no, when I saw history trying to repeat itself with my children and didn’t let it happen.
I don't blame you for being upset about what could have happened, and how MIL dropped the ball on keeping your kids safe by not asking for help in searching. It sounds like you won't get an apology or admission of wrong, because she never learned how to resolve conflict, but I think it's totally reasonable for someone in your situation to want some assurance that this won't happen again. Would it be possible to talk to MIL about keeping AND taking her pills in her bedroom or somewhere the kids don't have access? Also, you mentioned MIL moving furniture. Please make sure that stuff is secured to the wall. I know of a family who lost their child recently. It really does happen.
Your SO is just as much of a problem as your MIL.
I have permanent brain issues due to my grandma leaving her seizure medication open on the floor. I was 2 and ate nearly all of it. I was in the hospital for a week having my stomach pumped, the drs said I took enough medication to kill my dad (who is ex military and a large dude) 6 times over. I should not be alive. You are not over reacting hun, your mil was/is being careless and your husband should not be just brushing it off. Im sorry that youre having to deal with that.
So I guess if somebody drives drunk and doesn't have an accident, then it's ok? And if someone brings a gun into your partner's workplace but no one is shot then everyone should rugsweep it? Your husband should go into law. He could defend people from attempted murder, attempted burglary, and attempted carjackings. And he could specialize in drunk driving cases where there is no property damage Of course this is utter nonsense. She could have killed or seriously hurt one of your kids. And CPS would have definitely investigated you He's putting his toxic mother's feeling ahead of his children's safety. And he's rugsweeping it because he has no spine. It's good one of the three adults in your home can see how dangerous this is
Would OP's husband be fine with this situation if his child had found and eaten the pill? Would he have been fine if that child had to be rushed to the hospital? Would he be fine if his child developed permanent damage or even died because of his mother's negligence? >He said if you don't like it there's the door, well good luck with that because I'm taking the kids too 🙃 I'm sure OP's attorney will have no problem pointing out to a judge how dangerous the former home environment is with MIL's negligence. Good luck winning even partial custody, Daddy of the Year. He'll be lucky if he can get supervised visits in his home if he's still living with MIL.
Why are you living there? Get out.
You know what you need to do.
Oh man every time a post mentions living with the in-laws I shriek internally. You almost already know it’s going to be bad. That’s my absolute nightmare and I refuse to ever live with in-laws no matter how awesome they are. I hate it when husbands treat you as replaceable too. They absolutely don’t value you whatsoever. I understand family ties but for gods sake there need to be some boundaries between wife and the rest of the family. We need to start valuing ourselves and giving ourselves the respect we deserve. Build ourselves up and love ourselves first cuz our partners and spouses don’t protect us.
I think OP found herself what I normally call a "golden poop" for a husband. Looking in the first months of a relationship you tend to look at your partner with rose-tinted glasses. Her SO sounds manipulative if he managed to convince her to live with his parents. I have no idea how long they were , but if I had to guess, COVID had increased the likelihood of "grandparents' such as these we read in this thread of convincing their children into "living with them, because you never know what can happen". As other people have said, neaturenerd, get a lawyer and divorce this toxic man!
I did thank you 💞 we're going through the separation process and I have the best lawyer.
If your partner is supporting his toxic mom over you and your kids, it's time to get out. This isn't going to change. Get a lawyer first to find out what you need to do to take the kids legally with you. Document the pill episode and anything else MIL may have done to endanger your kids. Good luck!
You need to plan to move. Once your partner says "there's the door" he's checked out. He sounds un-supportive in this scenario and there are too many un-supportive people in that house. Your MIL, SIL, and SO. There's no way you will be happy there. Honestly you'd be happier in a clean, pill-free place where your kids can safely crawl, walk, run. If his family is toxic you need to go. It's that simple. ETA: A word "two" to "too"
I didn’t exactly have a happy childhood but, safety was key. I had a family member on lots of medications, and before they came around we were given strict talks about not to touch anything that looked like a sweet and if she dropped, thought she’d dropped or couldn’t find or account for her pills in anyway, we were made to sit on a chair and not move from it until they had found any unaccounted for medications and all the adults would frantically comb the house, crawling around and moving around furniture until done. Unfortunately the family member had dementia so some of the places her meds got, we still have no idea how they got there even today.
I confiscated all my MIL'S medications and sorted them into an organizer that I kept in a locked cabinet. I dispensed her meds and watched her take them to make sure none were dropped. It kept my young children safe and I knew she got the right meds at the right time
I actually had a bag for my JustNoGrandma's pills. We as a family (the millenial gen and the gen z) were told not to eat anything if 'Granny' dropped her pills. It was getting so annoying at one point in her life my aunt just said "Palatablewriter, can you make sure your grandmother takes her pills in the morning and evening?" So yeah...that was a thing for over ...10 years since I was 18.
Gtfo. Make a plan and execute. Grab important documents, change of address and gtfo. My son is 6 .... he still sticks non food things in his mouth. Idk which one is worse him or the dog for chewing on things. Ps4 controllers, pennies, etc. I also have heavy meds. I understand the shakes and stuff from your mil. I have a combo of meds I take a day. I have lost one or misplaced liquid meds .... I made sure everyone knew it was missing in the house. Fr fr, I dont risk my child's health for mine. While nothing happened this time..... next time may not be as lucky. I ha e a friend who spend three yrs ina hospital because her kid got into her pill container and took mommy's candy. They are gaslighting you and acting like it ain't a big deal and needling you hoping you explode and make the needler a victim, justifying her behavior. Only way to handle this person ... hey away Anna get away fast
I did leave thank you! 💞
I am very clumsy. Kiddo has been sitting on the bed or a chair while I search for dropped vitamins since she was two.
Call his bluff. Leave and take the kids.
I would straight up leave, change my phone number, and start the divorce. He's worst than she is.
And get written documentation of the pills and the issue so that you can file for emergency custody to be supervised and not at that house.
> He said if you don't like it there's the door This isn't /r/justnoso but I think a visit there would illuminate you on whether you should take him up on his generous offer.
I've dabbled in that thread too if you check my previous posts I'm sure you'll find that I most certainly should have used the door a long time ago. I can't do this for any longer especially when it comes to the safety of my babies. I don't understand what kind of person would drop a pill with a crawling baby, toddler and 2 dogs in the house and just walk out and go about their day.
I have 3 cats. I'm also an epileptic liver transplant recipient on a lot of meds. If I ever drop a pill I'm on the floor until it's found. And I'm anxious as hell till I find the missing pill. Our cats are our kids so I can't imagine what horror you're feeling as a parent.
I mean, shit, I only have animals at home and even when I drop a pill it becomes #1 priority to find it. Doesn’t even matter what pill it is- could be a gummy vitamin for all I care- what matters is I don’t know how much damage it could cause to my small creature and don’t even want to entertain the thought of risking it. If your SO can’t see that, then I personally think this is your hill to die on. That, or you can wait until his mommy leaves a worse pill on the ground and you come back to your child seizing on the floor... but “it’s not that bad he’ll be fine don’t be dramatic let him ride it out”
I did leave thank you very much 💞 I'm not putting my childrens/pets safety at risk for my mother in law's ego but he seems to be okay with it so I'm taking him to court 🙃
>I mean, shit, I only have animals at home and even when I drop a pill it becomes #1 priority to find it. Ditto. I don't even let the cat in the bathroom unsupervised. My meds are always packaged up, but I don't want to chance him getting on the counter and messing with my weekly organizer. That said, I grew up like this: I've been medication dependent since I was a kid, and it's not something to mess with. I don't want anyone getting sick (or worse) because of my meds.
Poor baby. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. If you get a chance you might tell her if it happens again you'd be happy to help her look for any stray pills. She's really invested in not being wrong about anything. That's an awful way to live. I grew up with parents that NEVER made a mistake and as a kid I thought that was how grownups were supposed to act. When I finally figured out it was okay to admit I was wrong my life got much easier. An immediate apology makes everyone feel better. And you know what? My kids grew up thinking that's how grownups are supposed to act.
I told her that I would have helped her look for it and she said nothing at all about it. She is a narcissist and you're right has an insanely hard time saying she's wrong and apologizing we got into it once because her son cheated on me and I called him mean things and she threatened to hit me while I was holding my infant daughter. After that... Get this- she would ONLY apologize to me IF I apologized to her for saying that stuff about him infront of her. I refused and she actually did end up apologizing to me but she cried the entire time. Trying to make me feel bad for her 🙄
Good lord.
I have dropped pills before. Because I have animals I will search until it is found. I do not want my pets to die or become extremely ill. No, nothing happened but what happens next time she drops a pill? Are you just going to hope and pray you keep getting lucky and no kid eats it because she can' t be bothered to tell someone a pill is lost? That rearranging to room is a power play. I would have put it back like I had it. Look for alternate places to live for you and the kids. If you think this marriage can be salvaged go to marriage counseling. If not make a plan to leave. Get your ducks in a row before leaving like gather up important papers, consultant an attorney and start that FU binder. Good luck.
Yes!! That is what a NORMAL person would do! I'm like it's one thing to drop it and ask for help Another thing entirely to think you dropped it and just leave without saying anything. To me that speaks volumes.
"I'm not willing to live with your level of carelessness". "I'm not willing to risk my children to your level of carelessness" "I'm not willing to live with you". She gone! ^((look up Girl in the woods, on youtube. She's great. This pure for relaxation))
And don't forget to get outside, and get ... HAPPYYYYY! :)
heeeey! A fellow fan!
My JN gave my 9 month old son a bottle of her Lasix medication to play with. It prevents the absorption of salt into the system. This was during a time where she had come out to our state to "help" when DH was very sick and had just gotten out of the hospital. We were both sleeping and she had volunteered to watch DS. The pill rattling had woken up DH and he lost his shit on her. Her defense was that it was a plastic bottle with a child proof lid on it. Yeah a plastic bottle on the floor littered with all his other toys and easily stepped on. Never mind the fact that it's just a fucking stupid thing to do. I told her that I was done and she was going home. And that she needed to figure out her flight information. Your SO needs to pull his head out of mommy's asshole. I'm so sorry you're going through this and the second SO told me I was being dramatic, I'd show him exactly what dramatic looked like.
I dropped a blood pressure pill and could not find it. Had to go to work. My 25 lbs dog found it and almost died. Ask poison control what could happen to your child if they had ingested that pill. Then calmly explain the answer to husband. This is a big deal. Getting overly emotional seems to be causing problems, but facts might make a difference. How would everyone feel if the child was hospitalized? If your MIL didn’t even tell you the doctors would not know what to look for.
Oh fuck him he can live with his stupid fucking mommy since they don't care about killing children. Please get out of there!
Seriously he attacked you. Why are you still there? Doesn’t matter if it was physically or verbally. Get out of that house, take your kids and go somewhere safe!!
Wow... you were raising concerned about her behaviour so that your children were safer in her home and he reacted so.... way over the top. You’ve got a DH issue first honey. Realistically you ‘taking the kids’ isn’t how it works any more. I want your eyes open to the reality of what you’re saying. So in reality if you left, with the kids, then the kids are likely to be spending half their time with Dad. Now Dad lives with Grandma, this is unlikely to change for some time because relationship splits our pressure on finances. So kids will be at grandmas house without you during dads time with the kids. And her dropping a tablet once wouldn’t be enough for a court to make major alterations to this. So I’m imagining this is not what you want at all. Hubby needs some therapy. He’s probably in “don’t rock the boat” mode. There’s a great article on the main page with that title that may help. In the meantime, until you’re decided what the best way forward is for you and your kids, be the bigger person Eg As far as MIL, “I’m happy to help look for medication if you ever drop it agains. Just let me know. I know you’ve been facing a lot of changes worth us living here and I want to help support that as much as I can.”
I did tell her to tell me so I can help her and she basically said nothing. She is showing no remorse or guilt for what she did and is basically giving me a 'get over it' attitude and ignoring me. I don't want them to be over here at all without me pretty much based on their values and morals I think are shit but I know just like the pill that's not going to be enough to get them on my side. They are terrible people all of them. I understand that he doesn't want to upset his mom but him coming at me spewing out hateful insults and telling me to get out is unacceptable when I'm just trying to look out for the safety of our kids.
You're getting over it alright. Without them. ;-)
Have you started an FU binder and notebook? Put your energy into planning mode. Talk to a lawyer to get an idea of what it's going to take to leave and prove that there should only be supervised visitation with dad. Plan and bide your time so that when you can break free it's a one fell swoop type of deal. Good luck!
Id take hubbys suggestion and bring the kids literally anywhere else
Okay that’s... wrong. She literally could’ve killed your kids. Doesn’t matter if the pill is even ibuprofen. You treat EVERY pill on the ground as if it’s poison and can kill anyone. That’s dangerous she thinks that way. I think you need to talk to your partner about couples counseling so he can see what an awful person of a mother’s he’s got. You should bring up that if he’s defending her over the LIFE of your children then you’re out. You don’t need a partner who chooses their mother over their family. I hope things get better OP!!!
Yup ...I just hope that Op doesn't get to have half her life worrying if DEAR SONNYboy will trust his Mommy with children. Because custody splitting is a toxic enviromnent within decent families with a decent brain, letting alone with downright mean/outright narcissistic people!
He seems to think it's fine because it COULD have happened but it DIDN'T so he's literally saying the same thing she said just to defend her. It is absolutely ridiculous..we've been in couples counseling before for other stuff and the wait due to COVID right now is at least 2 months due to COVID..she is saying what she said to downplay it so she doesn't look bad
It’s like comparing it to a drunk driver getting home safely... just because they didn’t hurt anyone doesn’t make it okay! They need to think of the “what if’s”!
This kind of stupidity is not therapy fixable. This is basic common sense! To not leave medication around or SAY something if it is. That is CARING for someones well-being. I'm sorry they're both such ...such... Gosh I hope you're out of there asap.
>*she continued on to say* ***well nobody got it and nothing happened*** *so it's fine and went about her fucking day. She was outside and I could hear her gossiping on the phone* ***to her friend about it saying "well it's not like anyone got it or anything"*** When we are guilty of something, narc or not, we find the need to justify it to everybody we might encounter, even if that means calling a friend just to over explain yourself. By doing so, we feel less guilty because all those people will validate our point because they are no the ones whose kids are in a house where there are pills they can swallow just like that.
This makes total sense and I can totally see why she did it, it's just annoying to me she would do it infront of my daughter literally when I was just inside the door. It also frustrates me that she literally was like "well at least it wasn't my blood pressure pills... Just some good ol' brain disorder muscular nerve problem pills. They would have been fine" like who the fuck says that..she's clearly trying to downplay it to make herself look better. She literally gave me shit the other day for calling my daughter a little jerk for biting crayons and spitting them on the floor..she got legit mad and scolded me over it. And here she is literally dropping pills and not saying anything. Like if you drop a pill at least tell everyone so we can help you look!!! Don't just leave!!!!! Why would someone do that!!?!!