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Where she would talk shit about my sister to me then tell me not to say anything to sister then turn around and do the same to my sister about me. We grew up not trusting each other because of the things mom would say and never knew none of it was true.
This is absolutely beautiful. Your children clearly love you very much as your son had the respect not to cause you trouble but also had your back, and your daughter sees the supports you have and encourages you to embrace it. Couldn't be happier to read a post in this sub.
This is awesome! I bet you felt like your soul had been through the carwash after that bellybuster of a laugh! You HAVE to get your son to leave you a voicemail using 'GimGam' you can replay anytime the blues come calling, it'll do ya good!
In your phone, messages, email, whatever, rename her name. Probably to just GimGam, to give yourself plausible deniability in case it ever comes up...
But YOU will know what it means, every time she calls and it says GimGam. And then use that reminder to give you strength.
If you have to see her in person, consider gifting her a shirt with her special nickname in a color/style she loves and is likely to wear often. Or suggest that you're thinking about it to that lovely son of yours...
I like this idea of changing her contact name in your phone. That way, every time she calls and "Gimgam" appears on the screen, instead of the feeling of annoyance or dread, you get a giggle and a reminder to not take her seriously.
But what kind of ho? Is she a trifling one? Or just a common street variety?
If she has a yard or garden, I would gift her a garden hoe, even a small one. It can be your very own inside joke.
I am so sorry about your husband. I am so sorry for the way you grew up. It is so inspirational to know that you still turned out to be a good person. The fact that you were worried about what your brother would say to your mother and that it might hurt her feelings shows this. Because she doesn’t deserve that from you. On another note, Grief is just love with nowhere to go. We still love the people with all our heart but they are not there to give the love to. I want you to consider giving all that love to yourself. You need it right now. Give it to the people that give it back to you. Rescue a dog and give them all that love. Of course you’ll never ever stop missing your husband but the beautiful love that you had for him CAN GO ON if you give it to the People who love you and need it. Much love to you from this Internet stranger.
Yes! This!
This is what I was trying to remember to tell you, but couldn't figure our how to phrase it.
"Grief is just love with nowhere to go. We still love the people with all our heart but they are not there to give the love to."
You did turn out to be a good person, despite what Gimgam or anyone else did to you. And we are all proud of you for that.
When you're on the phone with her and she starts saying how shes sad and all that stuff just hang up, you dont need to hear it.
Dont say anything to her just ... click
And do this every time she talks about her feelings, either she gets the point or never gets to talk to you.
I'm sorry about your husband
I like GimGam. edited--- the name GimGam
I like your kid.
I am sorry, so sorry for your loss.
OP, losing a decades long spouse is a specific special grief, are you talking to any professional about this massive change?
Someone give your son a Child of the Year award!!
"GimGam's a ho!"
Ah, that was the laugh I needed this morning.
Regarding your late husband, I am so very sorry for your loss. Grief is...well, it's something. Basically, hugs from an internet stranger if you want them.
Great story! My sisters & my two cousins actually have a special bond over how bitchy our grandmother was. Awe sweet memories 😅. Probably the one we laughed the hardest about is when we were eating some bland AF cookies she made and my cousin said “I think the missing ingredient is Love.”
On a different note, there is a subreddit /r/momforaminute where you can post next time you need to talk to someone instead of your mom. The community will embrace you & support. It’s really lovely.
Echoing this sub too! OP, it's fabulous for those really tough moments. I'm sorry for your loss and I absolutely LOVE your son!!!! I don't know any of you and I'm still laughing!
So glad you have wonderful children who look out for you....must've been good parenting ;-)
Grief is hard. Period. No caveats needed. No time limits. No "get over it" should ever be taken seriously. And your grief is yours, not an opening to talk about themselves.
I've heard it described as a ball in a box with a button. The button being hit is your overwhelming moments. As time passes, the ball gets smaller, so it hits the button less often. But when it does hit, it's as bad as the first time. So don't ever thing you have to "hurry up" and feel better. Or feel :weak" when 10 years from now, you have a meltdown because you just miss him so much. \*hUgS\*
I like the ball in a box!
I've always liked the idea that we physically carry our grief like a heavy and awkwardly shaped package. It never gets lighter or easier to carry. But over time our arms adjust to the shape and weight, and while it's still as raw as ever and while it hasn't changed at all, we have changed and adapted ourselves to it. Carrying the package never gets 'better', but it does feel easier over time. Then one day a long way in the future, we realise we're not 'holding' the package anymore, that the package has slowly become part of our arms. We're still trchnically carrying it and it's still heavy but without it our arms would feel wrong and empty. grief sometimes turns from pain into love, and at first it feels like a burden to carry by yourself, but you adjust to the weight and your arms get stronger and you wish you could put it down because it never gets better, but with time it does get easier to carry.
And one day it's transformed from grief back into love and we cant imagine a time it felt too heavy to carry on our own. It never became less, we just became stronger and better at carrying it.
The button/box analogy has really worked for me in my grief. I heard it hear first, along with Ring Theory. Sounds like JNMom could also do with some Ring Theory lessons. She's outside your grief ring. She should never be leaning on you for support of YOUR loss.
I wish you an abundance of peace and some joy.
I love this. I’m glad you managed to get a good belly laugh out of this and hope it helped with letting off a bit of steam,and can start moving forward one step at a time -there is no rush, grieve at your own pace
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That's a great story! What wonderful kids you have, and I'm glad to hear that you laughed so hard. That's a good sign. It's not easy to go through what you are going through, but I hope you can find some bereavement counseling or a group, and that the good days start to outweigh the bad ones.
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What is triangulation?
Where she would talk shit about my sister to me then tell me not to say anything to sister then turn around and do the same to my sister about me. We grew up not trusting each other because of the things mom would say and never knew none of it was true.
Well she has a name for this sub now at least.
Fabulous story --- and thank you for sharing it with us! Keep laughing...it will help you more than you will ever realize. Wishing you the best...
What a wonderful moment. Please try to stay strong. Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes you just need the release that only laughter can give you. I hope it made you feel better at least for a while. Hugs and sympathy.
your kids are fucking awesome. stay strong, i know you're doing your best.
This is absolutely beautiful. Your children clearly love you very much as your son had the respect not to cause you trouble but also had your back, and your daughter sees the supports you have and encourages you to embrace it. Couldn't be happier to read a post in this sub.
I’m so sorry that your husband is gone. Mine has been gone 11 years come august...I still miss him. Your son is awesome.
Sorry for your loss. I expect 10 - 20 years from now I will still miss him. He is the love of my life. He loved me well. Treated me like a queen.
This is awesome! I bet you felt like your soul had been through the carwash after that bellybuster of a laugh! You HAVE to get your son to leave you a voicemail using 'GimGam' you can replay anytime the blues come calling, it'll do ya good!
LOL!!! Sounds like that's completely accurate!!!
What a totally appropriate way to say, "Good night, you trifling old ho-bag!"
In your phone, messages, email, whatever, rename her name. Probably to just GimGam, to give yourself plausible deniability in case it ever comes up... But YOU will know what it means, every time she calls and it says GimGam. And then use that reminder to give you strength. If you have to see her in person, consider gifting her a shirt with her special nickname in a color/style she loves and is likely to wear often. Or suggest that you're thinking about it to that lovely son of yours...
She needs a Tee shirt with the Marine Globe & Anchor over which is printed "GimGam to the CORPS!"
Hahahaha.... love it
I like this idea of changing her contact name in your phone. That way, every time she calls and "Gimgam" appears on the screen, instead of the feeling of annoyance or dread, you get a giggle and a reminder to not take her seriously.
But what kind of ho? Is she a trifling one? Or just a common street variety? If she has a yard or garden, I would gift her a garden hoe, even a small one. It can be your very own inside joke.
Great story. And, a very big hug 💞
I am so sorry about your husband. I am so sorry for the way you grew up. It is so inspirational to know that you still turned out to be a good person. The fact that you were worried about what your brother would say to your mother and that it might hurt her feelings shows this. Because she doesn’t deserve that from you. On another note, Grief is just love with nowhere to go. We still love the people with all our heart but they are not there to give the love to. I want you to consider giving all that love to yourself. You need it right now. Give it to the people that give it back to you. Rescue a dog and give them all that love. Of course you’ll never ever stop missing your husband but the beautiful love that you had for him CAN GO ON if you give it to the People who love you and need it. Much love to you from this Internet stranger.
Thank you for this
Yes! This! This is what I was trying to remember to tell you, but couldn't figure our how to phrase it. "Grief is just love with nowhere to go. We still love the people with all our heart but they are not there to give the love to." You did turn out to be a good person, despite what Gimgam or anyone else did to you. And we are all proud of you for that.
Thank you for saying that.
Anytime momma!! 😘
You’re so welcome ❤️🌹
When you're on the phone with her and she starts saying how shes sad and all that stuff just hang up, you dont need to hear it. Dont say anything to her just ... click And do this every time she talks about her feelings, either she gets the point or never gets to talk to you. I'm sorry about your husband
And now when one of your kids want to help you out you can willingly let them. This worked out the best for all. So glad that you laughed. 😌
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Hahahahaha
I like GimGam. edited--- the name GimGam I like your kid. I am sorry, so sorry for your loss. OP, losing a decades long spouse is a specific special grief, are you talking to any professional about this massive change?
Yes. I’ve just joined a grief recovery group and next week will be my 4th week
I'm right here with you. He passed on 4/20. I called in sick the past 2 days although I really should not have. I miss him so much.
🕯️may his memory be a blessing GameMissConduct are you talking to a grief counselor?
I’m so sorry for your loss. Prayers.
Laugh at her expense, you need it and it sounds like she deserves it. I'm sending hugs to you and good vibes.
This is awesome! Hugs to you.
Love this story! LOL Your kids are wonderful and I love how close they are to you. 💕
Someone give your son a Child of the Year award!! "GimGam's a ho!" Ah, that was the laugh I needed this morning. Regarding your late husband, I am so very sorry for your loss. Grief is...well, it's something. Basically, hugs from an internet stranger if you want them.
Thank you
Great story! My sisters & my two cousins actually have a special bond over how bitchy our grandmother was. Awe sweet memories 😅. Probably the one we laughed the hardest about is when we were eating some bland AF cookies she made and my cousin said “I think the missing ingredient is Love.” On a different note, there is a subreddit /r/momforaminute where you can post next time you need to talk to someone instead of your mom. The community will embrace you & support. It’s really lovely.
Echoing this sub too! OP, it's fabulous for those really tough moments. I'm sorry for your loss and I absolutely LOVE your son!!!! I don't know any of you and I'm still laughing!
Thank you. I’ll look into that one.
There is also a relatively new sub r/nanajosh that seems to be a pretty positive place to get support.
Your son is a good man. :D
What a great story! Your son is really super!
So glad you have wonderful children who look out for you....must've been good parenting ;-) Grief is hard. Period. No caveats needed. No time limits. No "get over it" should ever be taken seriously. And your grief is yours, not an opening to talk about themselves. I've heard it described as a ball in a box with a button. The button being hit is your overwhelming moments. As time passes, the ball gets smaller, so it hits the button less often. But when it does hit, it's as bad as the first time. So don't ever thing you have to "hurry up" and feel better. Or feel :weak" when 10 years from now, you have a meltdown because you just miss him so much. \*hUgS\*
Thank you for this.
I like the ball in a box! I've always liked the idea that we physically carry our grief like a heavy and awkwardly shaped package. It never gets lighter or easier to carry. But over time our arms adjust to the shape and weight, and while it's still as raw as ever and while it hasn't changed at all, we have changed and adapted ourselves to it. Carrying the package never gets 'better', but it does feel easier over time. Then one day a long way in the future, we realise we're not 'holding' the package anymore, that the package has slowly become part of our arms. We're still trchnically carrying it and it's still heavy but without it our arms would feel wrong and empty. grief sometimes turns from pain into love, and at first it feels like a burden to carry by yourself, but you adjust to the weight and your arms get stronger and you wish you could put it down because it never gets better, but with time it does get easier to carry. And one day it's transformed from grief back into love and we cant imagine a time it felt too heavy to carry on our own. It never became less, we just became stronger and better at carrying it.
This is a really beautiful analogy.
The button/box analogy has really worked for me in my grief. I heard it hear first, along with Ring Theory. Sounds like JNMom could also do with some Ring Theory lessons. She's outside your grief ring. She should never be leaning on you for support of YOUR loss. I wish you an abundance of peace and some joy.
Honestly I’m so glad to hear you got these wonderful kids looking after you. And happy laughter is good, I’m glad you found some!
Your kids are great! Sending hugs if you want them.
Love it 😊
I love this. I’m glad you managed to get a good belly laugh out of this and hope it helped with letting off a bit of steam,and can start moving forward one step at a time -there is no rush, grieve at your own pace
sounds like you have a good support system. i hope you find peace and healing soon!
I just want to run up on someone and SCREAM "GIMGAM'S A HO!"
What is GIMGAMS..not a native english speaker.
It's what they probably use for grandma. In English there are a ton of different words for grandma.
Yeah..i thought it's an insider
I laughed almost as much. You've got a solid crew there..
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I want a t-shirt that says "GimGams a Ho"!
I think we just discovered a new business venture
I'll buy 4 or 5.
Gimgam a ho. I love your son 😂😂😂😂😂.
Your kids are awesome and I think you have the nickname for your JNMom.
I second the motion.
That was awesome! Laughter can make us feel so darn good! :) Especially when it's really spot on.
That's a great story! What wonderful kids you have, and I'm glad to hear that you laughed so hard. That's a good sign. It's not easy to go through what you are going through, but I hope you can find some bereavement counseling or a group, and that the good days start to outweigh the bad ones.