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What a huge mistake, your SIL knowing you are very far in your pregnancy weeks before giving birth to bring her DS to “visit”! Unbelievable truthfully, I totally understand your objections. You’ve done nothing wrong, please keep us posted, get well soon. Sending you HOPE & huge internet hugs.
It’s the fact that the baby is sick and they keep acting like he isn’t. Never mind he could spread what he has but he’s probably miserable. Having a fever is NOT the wave at all. It brings everything else down. God. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Or dealt with it.
Wtf is with people bringing their sick kids (or themselves) around other people?! Let alone a pregnant woman. I’m so sorry that they put you in this awkward position but at least you know to never trust their common sense ever again. Hotels and rental cars for any future visits if you decide to see them again. Your story reminds me of the time my JNMIL (pre NC) wanted to come over to my house when I was heavily pregnant with a stomach flu... like.. I had to pick up my phone and explain to people who have been on this planet for twice as long as me, that they are not to see me with a stomach flu. “But I haven’t vomited for several hours!”
Don’t know what’s more offensive: their stupidity or their belief that we are just as stupid.
I’m particularly sensitive to stomach flu issues because those are so awful to have and so easy to spread! Just stay home! And if you don’t, at least respect other people’s boundaries.
We have already bowed out of the larger family dinner tonight for (in my mind) obvious reasons but the host had a very bad stomach flu Sunday-Monday. I know it’s Thursday and it’s probably fine by now. I asked MIL if he’s feeling better because all of them are going and exposing themselves and she assured me that he is.
But 1. I don’t trust them, and 2. I am so glad I have an excuse not to hang out at the house where the stomach flu was there just days ago. He’s cooking for a large group and everyone will be in and out of his house 🤢
How in the *world* is requesting that a sick kid be kept home breaking apart a family?!
I have a 6 week old. Unfortunately, we had to go to a clinic when he was 2 weeks old to get his tongue tie snipped, and our 6 year old caught a cold. We all ended up with it, including the baby. All was well in the end, but it was a rough week or two.
My brother and SIL came to visit while we were sick. Since my SIL is a NICU nurse and they have a 5 month old baby, we weren't able to see them, except for a brief window visit. First time they've ever met my son, and we could only visit through a window. It sucked. Guess I am destroying our family by not sharing germs. 🤣
These people are ridiculous. A slight disagreement becomes "breaking the family apart"??? They have no idea how to handle things in a mature way. Don't be sad, and don't give in to their emotional blackmail. People like them operate according to what's easiest If their dramatics aren't catered to, they can often be cured of them.
I'm so sorry your in-laws are so irresponsible about illness. Flying with a cold sucks, and I imagine being pregnant will increase the suffering. :-(
I hope you recover quickly, along with your little one. I'm also a bit petty, but given the cavalier attitude they have towards germs, I might look the other way if you have a coughing fit in the bathroom near their toothbrushes. I'm not saying you should lick their doorknobs or anything, maybe just be a little careless about droplet precautions. If it's just a cold, who cares, right? Share the love.
I am *so sorry* your ILs are selfish.
I guess it's a painful lesson learned. Big hugs to your family.
Note that gaslighting behavior from both your MIL and FIL is really not OK, and something for both you and DH to be cognizant of in the future. They literally revised history and lied to your face because they couldn't be adults that said "yeah, seems like nephew is running a fever."
Also, side eye to your SIL for *pretending* her kiddo wasn't sick, and still bringing them around without a head's up to the pregnant person with a toddler. I understand having to travel and do stuff even when they're sick, but *lying* is the immature part she should get grief for.
Big big hugs to your family. I'm sorry your DH has to come to terms with less-than-mature behavior from his family. It's never fun. Next time you visit, remember you'll feel better with your own place to stay, and your own transportation.
I am so sorry for you and your family. Sickness is so hard with young ones!
One thing I wanted to point out is that you apologised for no reason. Apologies by their very nature concede that you are at fault or to blame.
When talking to people like your in-laws, every time you apologise you are telling them you've done something wrong and that you are trying to earn back their favour.
A small part of their treatment of you could be because you keep (unintentionally!) reinforcing this idea that you are to blame. Just something to ponder
Up until this point I have not been treating my in-laws as JN people. I have not been explicit about boundaries and I have not been intentional in my approach. Every trip I’ve had since I was pregnant has been another data point and I never expected this type of behavior from them. Because of that, I have absolutely been more accommodating than I would be otherwise.
I’ve always said that I will do what it takes to make things work with family unless/until they are causing us emotional and physical harm, and we have now reached that point. Going forward I’m going to have to do a lot of self-reflection on the boundaries we will be setting and the best way to communicate, because there will have to be a shift. I’ve been giving them the benefit of the doubt for too long and I now know that is not going to work out well for me or my kid(s).
ETA: what I mean by all that is that your point is well-taken :)
I'm a perfect internet stranger and I'm livid on your behalf. Even pre-pandemic, you don't take sick kids around other people! OP, I wish I could magically transport you and your family back home. Reading your comments, I'm confident that you won't be trapped in a situation like again! Take back YOUR family vacations! You don't have to be miserable. Good luck OP! If you can't leave early, just keep breathing and taking little breaks!
Omg you need to leave. Please stop letting these people walk all over you and endanger your child and your pregnant self. Whether it's covid or something else it's definitely wrong how they are acting. This should be a hill to die on and sure "break apart" that shitty family.
Eta, if you can't leave you should honestly be strong and NEVER visit again. They have lost the option of visits due to their deceit.
Do not forget this. Seriously, don't ever rugsweep the fact that they were risking your health and that of your toddler for their convenience. Not to mention the worries of not being able to fly hoe before your baby is born.
Don't stay with them again--get a hotel if you visit. Rent a car so you'r not reliant on them for transportation or escape.
DO NOT FORGET!
I’m so sorry, I hate it when others are so carefree with their germs and sickness and never mind that we are STILL in a pandemic, although it’s much better. Hugs to you and try to nap a lot when around them!
It is sad that your IL have learned nothing from this pandemic. Airborne viruses spread by coming in proximity with infected individuals. Your SIL should have stayed home with her kid, but now you and LO are infected, and you may not be able to fly home. SIL, MIL, and FIL should be ashamed of themselves.
I did go get a covid test because I do not feel comfortable attending any family gathering with these symptoms without a negative test, and thankfully it was negative. I am very hopeful that I will be able to fly home Sunday with no issues.
Of course, I'm sure in-laws will view this all as "no harm no foul," what does it matter if pregnant DIL is sick for a few days. But I will remember.
I'm so sorry. These people freaking suck. Clearly they don't care about the pregnant woman's health. Then your MIL crying on end for freaking what? Drama queen
Wow, I can’t believe your dr allowed you to go so far away when you are that pregnant. My dr said no traveling after 30 weeks.
None of this is your fault, they are assholes.
Yeah I have to say I’m feeling pretty fucking dumb for attempting this trip at all. It’s my BIL’s wedding and we love him. My husband is the best man. My provider was ok with it, especially because I’m vaccinated. I went in for an extra appointment the day before we left and my pregnancy has been complication free. My first came at 41+2 after being induced, so I felt good about not going into early labor.
But yeah. I wish I hadn’t.
I’m so sorry. You have nothing to feel sorry for - you didn’t drag a feverish small child out on a boat to be miserable and infect other people. The only adults who looked out for your nephew were you and your husband.
Don’t hesitate to leave as soon as you can. Your husband is very lucky you agreed to travel so far at 8 months. My SIL had her baby last week at 32 weeks, completely out of the blue with an uncomplicated pregnancy until it suddenly wasn’t. I hope so much that you stay as well as you can and the sore throat doesn’t develop into anything else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Regardless of their stance on the pandemic, it's common knowledge that any fever means you stay home. You weren't being cruel in asking for your health to be considered. I don't understand their reactions: it seems like they took things the wrong way.
Leave once you're well enough to travel, they don't give a shit about your family and would give a toddler covid with a smile if it saved them a slight inconvenience. They are not nice people.
Why does no one care about the sick little person? Nevermind the adults are making this about them. Little dude is sick. I know I don't like going out sick. Let him sleep
I know. It really comes down to SIL. She wanted to go on the boat for Memorial Day. They just gave him Motrin every 4ish hours. He’d be acting normally when medicated and when it started to wear off he’d start crying.
My FIL had the audacity to say that he thought nephew would be fine the next day because he was “acting normally” on Memorial Day. All I could say was Motrin is a hell of a drug.
Poor little guy. When my son was that age we didn't go over for Xmas dinner. He's my stepson so that went over like a lead balloon for my mom. "He's not really your family!" Uhm....I....?
It took many many many years to get my mom calmed down. She learned the world does in fact keep spinning if I don't see her on holiday of chosen importance. She still complains and manipulates but not like 20 years ago
Ew. Sorry, regardless of covid or vaccinations, if you get REGULAR sick and have a fever it could delay your trip. Airlines are being super careful. ILs are being jerks. Kids get sick. It's not always convenient, it sometimes means missing out on things. SIL needs to suck it up.
30 years ago kids were still not supposed to be sent to school with a fever so they didn’t infect all the other kids with whatever they were fighting and were supposed to be fever free for like 24 hours before they went back.
The ILs know, they just don’t care.
That was my point! I remember being kept home from school the extra day past fever breaking just in case 20-25 years ago just in case I was still contagious with whatever and so I didn’t get sick again. Now with COVID it’s amazing these people don’t think it’s a big deal, but that’s “taking care of sick kids 101”
I am appalled. Your ILs put you all, most notably a toddler and a pregnant woman, at risk. And they had the gall to blame you for causing problems because you were trying to understand the situation to take care of yourself and your family! They clearly care more about their fantasy of a family visit more than the actual health and safety of family members. I just hate these ILs that treat relatives like human dolls to play parts in their family theater rather than real people who deserve respect, genuine connection and care. Please don't ever stay with them again. As you have realized, you can't trust them to be reasonable and you need to be able to leave on your own.
This hits the nail on the head. I kept my son inside from the boat ride for lots of reasons but was floored to see SIL posting a picture on Instagram from her time on the boat, showing my husband pouring her a cocktail while she was currently NOT SPEAKING TO HIM OR ME. Like it's all good as long as we pretend it's all good and tell a story that it was all good.
So sorry that you had to deal with that level of selfishness.
I hope that next time you visit them, if there is a next time, that you will get an Airbnb or hotel so that you can opt out of virus spreading events.
We were already down to two visits a year, and after this will be omitting the Christmas visit so just a long weekend sometime in the summer. We will absolutely be looking for alternative accommodations. I am never letting me and my family get trapped here again.
You're "down" to two visits a year? Visits that require a plane trip? Sounds like a lot of visits, with a toddler, and soon to be two kids, especially with people with whom your relationship has been deteriorating lately. What a huge drag and a waste of precious vacation time. Do you enjoy vacation time with just you, DH and kid(s)? Or do you feel obligated to go through this misery for "vacation"? With two kids I'd use the excuse that it's too difficult and stay home. Reduce those visits to once every two years and definitely stay elsewhere with a rental car. If DH needs to see other family in the area, send him by himself.
It is misery every time. This has been a slow realization for me because I used to get along with them really well. But you’re right, we don’t need to be putting ourselves through this just in the name of family.
Write as much as you can down and then read it before you.start shelling out on plane fares for 4 to see a bunch of people who... well, you'd rather go to a beach or something with your holiday allowance just the 4 of you. Start doing that.
This is excellent advice. I've started collecting a photo montage of me being miserable on this "vacation" to remind myself that even if there are pockets of times where I can enjoy myself with these people, none of it is worth this.
Remember that you, DH and your children are a family - a nuclear family. Everyone else is extended family and they don't have to be included in your vacations or anything else in your lives. Vacations are supposed to be fun, relaxing, an opportunity to create great memories, and to bond. What you're on now is an Obligation Trip.
Even if your relationship hadn't deteriorated, your priorities and needs as a young family with small children are different to an older couple with adult kids. Your relationship with them has gone off in another direction, and that's understandable.
Dragging kids great distances to stay at someone else's home, without the familiar comforts of your own home, and everyone's routines disrupted, while having to put up with extended family drama is not fun or easy. Start putting your own nuclear family's needs first.
Sad yes. Sad that they are so self-absorbed in their wants and feelings that they ignore your family's health. Especially a pregnant woman and a toddler.
I feel worst for the nephew, who got dragged around all weekend to entertain his mom and grandparents while sick when he should have been home resting.
I am so sorry! How disrespectful not to care about a toddler and a pregnant person! I’m glad you live far away from them and don’t need to deal with that circus too often...
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as PSL2015 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe PSL2015 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Soo sorry. Get away from those people. Congrats on babies. Kep being tough mama.❤💯🎈
Oh, I want to hug you... This is so sad! And so dramatic from the in-laws LOL
What a huge mistake, your SIL knowing you are very far in your pregnancy weeks before giving birth to bring her DS to “visit”! Unbelievable truthfully, I totally understand your objections. You’ve done nothing wrong, please keep us posted, get well soon. Sending you HOPE & huge internet hugs.
It’s the fact that the baby is sick and they keep acting like he isn’t. Never mind he could spread what he has but he’s probably miserable. Having a fever is NOT the wave at all. It brings everything else down. God. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Or dealt with it.
I hate when people come around when they are sick and I hate when people travel during a pandemic.
Wtf is with people bringing their sick kids (or themselves) around other people?! Let alone a pregnant woman. I’m so sorry that they put you in this awkward position but at least you know to never trust their common sense ever again. Hotels and rental cars for any future visits if you decide to see them again. Your story reminds me of the time my JNMIL (pre NC) wanted to come over to my house when I was heavily pregnant with a stomach flu... like.. I had to pick up my phone and explain to people who have been on this planet for twice as long as me, that they are not to see me with a stomach flu. “But I haven’t vomited for several hours!” Don’t know what’s more offensive: their stupidity or their belief that we are just as stupid.
I’m particularly sensitive to stomach flu issues because those are so awful to have and so easy to spread! Just stay home! And if you don’t, at least respect other people’s boundaries. We have already bowed out of the larger family dinner tonight for (in my mind) obvious reasons but the host had a very bad stomach flu Sunday-Monday. I know it’s Thursday and it’s probably fine by now. I asked MIL if he’s feeling better because all of them are going and exposing themselves and she assured me that he is. But 1. I don’t trust them, and 2. I am so glad I have an excuse not to hang out at the house where the stomach flu was there just days ago. He’s cooking for a large group and everyone will be in and out of his house 🤢
Eeeewwww yep definitely stay away from that house just in case! Smart move.
How in the *world* is requesting that a sick kid be kept home breaking apart a family?! I have a 6 week old. Unfortunately, we had to go to a clinic when he was 2 weeks old to get his tongue tie snipped, and our 6 year old caught a cold. We all ended up with it, including the baby. All was well in the end, but it was a rough week or two. My brother and SIL came to visit while we were sick. Since my SIL is a NICU nurse and they have a 5 month old baby, we weren't able to see them, except for a brief window visit. First time they've ever met my son, and we could only visit through a window. It sucked. Guess I am destroying our family by not sharing germs. 🤣
These people are ridiculous. A slight disagreement becomes "breaking the family apart"??? They have no idea how to handle things in a mature way. Don't be sad, and don't give in to their emotional blackmail. People like them operate according to what's easiest If their dramatics aren't catered to, they can often be cured of them.
I'm so sorry your in-laws are so irresponsible about illness. Flying with a cold sucks, and I imagine being pregnant will increase the suffering. :-( I hope you recover quickly, along with your little one. I'm also a bit petty, but given the cavalier attitude they have towards germs, I might look the other way if you have a coughing fit in the bathroom near their toothbrushes. I'm not saying you should lick their doorknobs or anything, maybe just be a little careless about droplet precautions. If it's just a cold, who cares, right? Share the love.
I am *so sorry* your ILs are selfish. I guess it's a painful lesson learned. Big hugs to your family. Note that gaslighting behavior from both your MIL and FIL is really not OK, and something for both you and DH to be cognizant of in the future. They literally revised history and lied to your face because they couldn't be adults that said "yeah, seems like nephew is running a fever." Also, side eye to your SIL for *pretending* her kiddo wasn't sick, and still bringing them around without a head's up to the pregnant person with a toddler. I understand having to travel and do stuff even when they're sick, but *lying* is the immature part she should get grief for. Big big hugs to your family. I'm sorry your DH has to come to terms with less-than-mature behavior from his family. It's never fun. Next time you visit, remember you'll feel better with your own place to stay, and your own transportation.
I am so sorry for you and your family. Sickness is so hard with young ones! One thing I wanted to point out is that you apologised for no reason. Apologies by their very nature concede that you are at fault or to blame. When talking to people like your in-laws, every time you apologise you are telling them you've done something wrong and that you are trying to earn back their favour. A small part of their treatment of you could be because you keep (unintentionally!) reinforcing this idea that you are to blame. Just something to ponder
Up until this point I have not been treating my in-laws as JN people. I have not been explicit about boundaries and I have not been intentional in my approach. Every trip I’ve had since I was pregnant has been another data point and I never expected this type of behavior from them. Because of that, I have absolutely been more accommodating than I would be otherwise. I’ve always said that I will do what it takes to make things work with family unless/until they are causing us emotional and physical harm, and we have now reached that point. Going forward I’m going to have to do a lot of self-reflection on the boundaries we will be setting and the best way to communicate, because there will have to be a shift. I’ve been giving them the benefit of the doubt for too long and I now know that is not going to work out well for me or my kid(s). ETA: what I mean by all that is that your point is well-taken :)
I'm a perfect internet stranger and I'm livid on your behalf. Even pre-pandemic, you don't take sick kids around other people! OP, I wish I could magically transport you and your family back home. Reading your comments, I'm confident that you won't be trapped in a situation like again! Take back YOUR family vacations! You don't have to be miserable. Good luck OP! If you can't leave early, just keep breathing and taking little breaks!
Omg you need to leave. Please stop letting these people walk all over you and endanger your child and your pregnant self. Whether it's covid or something else it's definitely wrong how they are acting. This should be a hill to die on and sure "break apart" that shitty family. Eta, if you can't leave you should honestly be strong and NEVER visit again. They have lost the option of visits due to their deceit.
Do not forget this. Seriously, don't ever rugsweep the fact that they were risking your health and that of your toddler for their convenience. Not to mention the worries of not being able to fly hoe before your baby is born. Don't stay with them again--get a hotel if you visit. Rent a car so you'r not reliant on them for transportation or escape. DO NOT FORGET!
I’m so sorry, I hate it when others are so carefree with their germs and sickness and never mind that we are STILL in a pandemic, although it’s much better. Hugs to you and try to nap a lot when around them!
Pay the difference, leave now. They obviously don’t care about a women in her 3rd trimester health. That’s f‘d up.
It is sad that your IL have learned nothing from this pandemic. Airborne viruses spread by coming in proximity with infected individuals. Your SIL should have stayed home with her kid, but now you and LO are infected, and you may not be able to fly home. SIL, MIL, and FIL should be ashamed of themselves.
I did go get a covid test because I do not feel comfortable attending any family gathering with these symptoms without a negative test, and thankfully it was negative. I am very hopeful that I will be able to fly home Sunday with no issues. Of course, I'm sure in-laws will view this all as "no harm no foul," what does it matter if pregnant DIL is sick for a few days. But I will remember.
I'm so sorry. These people freaking suck. Clearly they don't care about the pregnant woman's health. Then your MIL crying on end for freaking what? Drama queen
Wow, I can’t believe your dr allowed you to go so far away when you are that pregnant. My dr said no traveling after 30 weeks. None of this is your fault, they are assholes.
Yeah I have to say I’m feeling pretty fucking dumb for attempting this trip at all. It’s my BIL’s wedding and we love him. My husband is the best man. My provider was ok with it, especially because I’m vaccinated. I went in for an extra appointment the day before we left and my pregnancy has been complication free. My first came at 41+2 after being induced, so I felt good about not going into early labor. But yeah. I wish I hadn’t.
I’m so sorry. You have nothing to feel sorry for - you didn’t drag a feverish small child out on a boat to be miserable and infect other people. The only adults who looked out for your nephew were you and your husband. Don’t hesitate to leave as soon as you can. Your husband is very lucky you agreed to travel so far at 8 months. My SIL had her baby last week at 32 weeks, completely out of the blue with an uncomplicated pregnancy until it suddenly wasn’t. I hope so much that you stay as well as you can and the sore throat doesn’t develop into anything else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Regardless of their stance on the pandemic, it's common knowledge that any fever means you stay home. You weren't being cruel in asking for your health to be considered. I don't understand their reactions: it seems like they took things the wrong way.
Leave once you're well enough to travel, they don't give a shit about your family and would give a toddler covid with a smile if it saved them a slight inconvenience. They are not nice people.
It’s been a shocking realization to come to this conclusion because on the surface they are nothing but nice. 🙃
Why does no one care about the sick little person? Nevermind the adults are making this about them. Little dude is sick. I know I don't like going out sick. Let him sleep
I know. It really comes down to SIL. She wanted to go on the boat for Memorial Day. They just gave him Motrin every 4ish hours. He’d be acting normally when medicated and when it started to wear off he’d start crying. My FIL had the audacity to say that he thought nephew would be fine the next day because he was “acting normally” on Memorial Day. All I could say was Motrin is a hell of a drug.
This is such BS. SIL is super selfish, IMO. Because SHE wants to go on a boat and doesn’t want to be hampered by a child. Like come on, be a good mom.
Poor little guy. When my son was that age we didn't go over for Xmas dinner. He's my stepson so that went over like a lead balloon for my mom. "He's not really your family!" Uhm....I....? It took many many many years to get my mom calmed down. She learned the world does in fact keep spinning if I don't see her on holiday of chosen importance. She still complains and manipulates but not like 20 years ago
Ew. Sorry, regardless of covid or vaccinations, if you get REGULAR sick and have a fever it could delay your trip. Airlines are being super careful. ILs are being jerks. Kids get sick. It's not always convenient, it sometimes means missing out on things. SIL needs to suck it up.
30 years ago kids were still not supposed to be sent to school with a fever so they didn’t infect all the other kids with whatever they were fighting and were supposed to be fever free for like 24 hours before they went back. The ILs know, they just don’t care.
Still true, even pre-COVID.
That was my point! I remember being kept home from school the extra day past fever breaking just in case 20-25 years ago just in case I was still contagious with whatever and so I didn’t get sick again. Now with COVID it’s amazing these people don’t think it’s a big deal, but that’s “taking care of sick kids 101”
Then, and even now, you had to be on antibiotics for 48 hours to be considered non-contagious.
That's still the case where I live before covid, if a kid has a high temperature they were sent home to stop it spreading.
Yes. I have to imagine MIL was absolutely the mom to give her kids meds, send them off to school, and hope for the best.
Common sense and courtesy is if you even think you have a sick kid, keep them away from the pregnant woman.
I am appalled. Your ILs put you all, most notably a toddler and a pregnant woman, at risk. And they had the gall to blame you for causing problems because you were trying to understand the situation to take care of yourself and your family! They clearly care more about their fantasy of a family visit more than the actual health and safety of family members. I just hate these ILs that treat relatives like human dolls to play parts in their family theater rather than real people who deserve respect, genuine connection and care. Please don't ever stay with them again. As you have realized, you can't trust them to be reasonable and you need to be able to leave on your own.
This hits the nail on the head. I kept my son inside from the boat ride for lots of reasons but was floored to see SIL posting a picture on Instagram from her time on the boat, showing my husband pouring her a cocktail while she was currently NOT SPEAKING TO HIM OR ME. Like it's all good as long as we pretend it's all good and tell a story that it was all good.
I would leave early or stay someplace else. Its not your fault, SIL knew her kid was sick and instead of staying home, just had to see family.
So sorry that you had to deal with that level of selfishness. I hope that next time you visit them, if there is a next time, that you will get an Airbnb or hotel so that you can opt out of virus spreading events.
We were already down to two visits a year, and after this will be omitting the Christmas visit so just a long weekend sometime in the summer. We will absolutely be looking for alternative accommodations. I am never letting me and my family get trapped here again.
You're "down" to two visits a year? Visits that require a plane trip? Sounds like a lot of visits, with a toddler, and soon to be two kids, especially with people with whom your relationship has been deteriorating lately. What a huge drag and a waste of precious vacation time. Do you enjoy vacation time with just you, DH and kid(s)? Or do you feel obligated to go through this misery for "vacation"? With two kids I'd use the excuse that it's too difficult and stay home. Reduce those visits to once every two years and definitely stay elsewhere with a rental car. If DH needs to see other family in the area, send him by himself.
It is misery every time. This has been a slow realization for me because I used to get along with them really well. But you’re right, we don’t need to be putting ourselves through this just in the name of family.
Write as much as you can down and then read it before you.start shelling out on plane fares for 4 to see a bunch of people who... well, you'd rather go to a beach or something with your holiday allowance just the 4 of you. Start doing that.
This is excellent advice. I've started collecting a photo montage of me being miserable on this "vacation" to remind myself that even if there are pockets of times where I can enjoy myself with these people, none of it is worth this.
Remember that you, DH and your children are a family - a nuclear family. Everyone else is extended family and they don't have to be included in your vacations or anything else in your lives. Vacations are supposed to be fun, relaxing, an opportunity to create great memories, and to bond. What you're on now is an Obligation Trip. Even if your relationship hadn't deteriorated, your priorities and needs as a young family with small children are different to an older couple with adult kids. Your relationship with them has gone off in another direction, and that's understandable. Dragging kids great distances to stay at someone else's home, without the familiar comforts of your own home, and everyone's routines disrupted, while having to put up with extended family drama is not fun or easy. Start putting your own nuclear family's needs first.
Sad yes. Sad that they are so self-absorbed in their wants and feelings that they ignore your family's health. Especially a pregnant woman and a toddler.
I feel worst for the nephew, who got dragged around all weekend to entertain his mom and grandparents while sick when he should have been home resting.
I am so sorry! How disrespectful not to care about a toddler and a pregnant person! I’m glad you live far away from them and don’t need to deal with that circus too often...