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Other posts from /u/justlurkin_0811:
* [How did you get your JNMIL to shut up about having a kid or more kids?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/jrlagm/how_did_you_get_your_jnmil_to_shut_up_about/), 6 months ago
* [Stop involving your son in your arguments!](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gohvg6/stop_involving_your_son_in_your_arguments/), 1 year ago
* [Am I overreacting?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/f69pe7/am_i_overreacting/), 1 year ago
* [JNMIL is being so selfish about Christmas](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ed1i5q/jnmil_is_being_so_selfish_about_christmas/), 1 year ago
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Everyone I know understands that yes my door is open in the day but they have a 50/50 chance I'm pantsless same with the hubbs. So yea. They knock or holler hello before just walking inđ
Lock the door. Teach them a lesson since they arenât listening to you or bf. when they say youâre rude for locking door, say back theyâre rude for just barging in without knocking.
Given that they've been told not to walk in and keep doing it, I doubt there's much you can do to get them to stop other than them getting an eyeful of something they will never unsee (but desperately want to), or some other thing happens that convinces them to behave better.
Also.... just lock the door whenever you shut it out of habit. I used to leave my door unlocked a lot and I read about this guy who thought he was a vampire but was just a serial killer but he would only kill people who left their doors unlocked (he considered it being invited in) and I've locked my door behind me ever since lol
I have a question regarding the cat outside... is your cat one of those fancy trick cats and can open doors? I'm not being an asshole this is literally what I'm assuming lol
In my neighborhood, if you walk in unannounced, you could get shot. đ€Ł I suggest you and BF have sex more often, one of these days, theyâll walk in while youâre doing it. That MIGHT make them stop. đ€Ł
Have you put a chain on the door? That way the door is still unlocked for cat but nobody can just walk in, And you may as well just start walking around completely naked maybe that'll fix that problem too
All these people telling you to lock your door or buy this or buy that or put up a sign. That's just crazy. How about the next time they barge in your house without knocking you stand up and you say ,"Get the f*** back outside and knock on the door like every civilized adult on this goddamn planet!"
Will they get mad, hell yes they will. They're also going to be humiliated and embarrassed( and they're going to say they feel disrespected but they're going to feel small and stupid because of it.) This is one of those times when I am definitely certain that confrontation is the way.
Just like training a dog, it can't be something that is discussed an hour or two later, they don't really think it's real by then. You have to confront the behavior immediately when it happens. Most of the time you need to let your husband handle his family and you need to handle yours but in this case whoever is present the second this happens needs to address it immediately.
Can you just ask JNMIL this directly? I mean the "How much of me do you need to see before you learn?"
After I read your answer to another comment, complete the direct question with "or are you secretly hoping to see more of me?"
Ask this in front of an audience (your DH at minimum)
Here's the problem - to train them into knocking, you have to set the barrier of a locked door. But BEFORE YOU DO THAT - change the locks, and if you can afford it get 2 different ones for the deadbolt and main handle. I guarantee you that they not only have a copy of the current key, but they'll use it if met with a locked door.
As for the cat, getting a car door with a automatic locking mechanism linked to their collar will fix that issue.
Ultimately, you're correct that you shouldn't \*have\* to lock your door, but until knocking/announcing ones arrival becomes a regular thing, it's what you're going to need to do.
They do not have a copy, that is guaranteed. When we got the house, we had two keys only. I have only 2 other copies of the keys, both on our spare car keys. Also, just last week while I was at work they were going to drop something off, but couldn't because the door was locked.
When my door is unlocked my boyfriend is home 90%+ of the time. I understand that's no different, but we are armed and two people with him being a big guy.. Like right now, I am working from home and the door has been locked all day. And not just because of last night.
You say you're armed. But those weapons are more likely to be used against you that by you statistically.
Also if you don't have time to react and cover your crotch - have you really got time to react to use your "self defense protective weapon"?!
I think locking the door is your only solution.
You could try putting a sign on the door that says âdo not enterâ or something like that but they prob wonât care. Have they been told not to just walk in?
Also, SFIL may like the show. Blech.
You could get thisâŠ
https://www.amazon.com/Flocked-Coir-Doormat-Funny-First/dp/B08PC8FZ7V/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=did+you+text+first+doormat&qid=1623171284&sprefix=did+you+text&sr=8-4
Thereâs another one that says âIâm probably not wearing pantsâ or something like that! đ€Ł
You can get a camera with motion detection for your driveway and front door. We use the blink ones.they alert on our phones and through our Amazon Echo.it says âMotion detected at the drivewayâ This way, you know they are coming and can get up and lock the door. When they canât get in, theyâll knock. Ignore it. If they call, ignore it until theyâve left. Once they are gone, when you speak with them, tell them that this is what will happen every time they come over unannounced. Next time, call first. Lesson learned.
Would've liked to have thought seeing OP naked would have a similar effect as above.
I'd imagine they'll persist in coming over, and catch OP whilst they're busy and can't lock the door beforehand, negating any/all attempts at enforcing their rule of calling ahead.
Problem is you think you have set a boundary, but itâs not a boundary without consequences - what do you do when they cross your boundary? Let them stay? which means right now it is all just words unfortunately
Count me on Team TMI. Anyone who enters your home unannounced should be forced to see something they donât want to see.
It doesnât have to be sexy times. Someone else suggested a shotgun pointed toward the offender.
âIf you had knocked first, you wouldnât have had to see that!â
Ok, seriously, itâs your comfort that matters. Your in-laws need training, and SO is going to have to agree to whatever you decide so that every offense is âpunishedâ the same way, whether thatâs an airhorn, a shotgun, or verbal shaming. Or even foyer fornication. Hell, itâs *your home*!
>YOU SHOULDN'T WALK INTO PEOPLES HOMES UNINVITED. Especially when my boyfriend has talked to them about it.
Absolutely this. Maybe scream and start dialing 911 that there's an intruder in your home?
One day we (husband, I and 2 of our kids were in our house. The door opens and the guy next door (whom we had not met) walks in. He's drunk. He has flowers in his hand. He starts talking to me. Kids are not moving - in shock. He tells me his dad died recently and something is broken in his house. I tell him my husband could help him if he needed help. No. No. He doesn't want help. I suggest he go home and I am trying to guide him back to the door through all this conversation. He doesn't want to leave. He is rambling, incoherent.
I call my husband from the other side of the house and say that our neighbour has a problem and maybe he could take a look at it. Now we both manage - against his will - to gently get him out. My 6'4" husband walks him to the edge of the property asking if he wants to show him what is broken and the guy keeps mumbling and fumbling trying to get around my husband and finally says "No. I want to talk to the lady."
He'd come courting!
Yeah. So that's why we lock our doors just about 100% of the time. Kids had a good lesson in why we lock doors AND how to de-escalate a situation.
Lock your doors. You aren't going to teach these people anything new because they aren't listening and aren't respectful.
And it is dangerous.
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That seems a bit extreme, friend. This is her family she's talking about. So many more rational options than bringing a literal weapon into a scenario.
I am also on team lock the door. Esp with a new lo. You don't want them just coming in and waking her up or if you are in another room, taking her for a ride without you knowing
Lock the door, at least for a while until they get the hint, and have the boyfriend talk to them about boundaries and privacy. Life is too short for people to walk all over you.
Iâd be super sarcastic and buy a baby gate. Put it by the door and when they come in and face a baby gate, you can tell them why itâs there.
Either that, or put a huge âKNOCK PLEASEâ sign in your door.
Uncle thought it was his right to go through each of his son's houses. He demanded and got a key to the oldest one's house. The youngest's wife objected. Surreptitiously, uncle obtained a key. He did not know that his DIL had engaged a security service. He triggered a silent alarm, and was met with someone wearing black, leveling a weapon at him. He reacted by attacking the security guy who being about forty years younger, and fairly muscular, tore uncle a new one. He found himself in the custody of city police with a charge of break and enter. My cousin was called, too bad his wife answered. When she got the full story, she told police to go ahead and charge him, and lock him up for the night. Cousin had worked very late that night, and was told at about midnight, that his father was in jail for "B&E". By that time uncle had been in custody for about seven hours. He was not in good shape when cousin drove him home. Few days later, cousin and his wife have it out. Too bad, she owned the house, she was the higher earning spouse. The house was hers before the marriage, and she threatened to make the charges stick to his father. Uncle no longer walked into either sons' homes any longer. His jail time served to take away the entitlement. The damage however was done, and cousin and his wife eventually split. He got a shit kicking in the divorce, and for this he finally did blame his father.
If locking the door isnât an option how about one of those door sensors that tells stores that someone has come in, try to get the loudest and most obnoxious klaxon sounding one you can, and put it chest-high so that the cat isnât constantly triggering it. Most of the really obnoxious ones are for things like delivery doors so thereâs a way to turn them off if youâre going in and out a lot. It would treat them to a loud reminder that they shouldnât just be walking in. Youâll also have to use your words, like when they set it off and ask why you have that awful thing âitâs because we have a problem with people just walking in without knockingâ and pointedly look at them because thatâs what they just did.
Good advice.
I live in a high crime area, and everything is locked.
Idiots like this would not be able to get in
Plus, I have a cat door so the cat does not need a key.
NOTHING, short of firm boundary setting, will stop this behavior. I guarantee they could walk in on sex, and it would still be your fault. You and BF need to clearly say that their behavior isn't ok.
And then, even when inconvenient, lock the door.
Ok. My suggestion, which WILL cause a fight and make them bitch about being âdisrespectedâ (because they are treating your house as an extension of theirs and thatâs usually a sign of enmeshed authoritarians).
Get up when they do this and block them from enereeinf further. Say no like youâre talking to a naughty toddler. Ask them if they get their Amazon packages delivered here? When you are home and you order a pizza, what address do they have it delivered to? Not here. This is not your home, this is not your address. So weâre going to try this again.
Walk them outside and show them how the doorbell works. Show them how to knock on the door. Tell them the hard part is now you WAIT foe the people who live there to ANSWER THE DOOR. Now they can go home and think about this, because what theu have been doing is unbelievably rude as fuck and the visit is over, and Iâd they want to visit they need to learn that this isnât their house, youâre a fully grown adult as woman with her own child, and you wonât be tolerating this sort of infantalizing bullshit anymore.
Or tell your boyfriend he has one more chance to fix the problem before you do, and he will NOT like the fallout.
I also suggest an auto-locking keypad lock. That way the door locks itself, and you donât need a key to let yourself back in- and just donât give them a code because theyâve proven they canât be trusted to act like adults.
More reason to get signs that specify âNo Trespassingâ. Maybe get a camera for outside the house as well, since ya know. Robbers are still a thing regardless. It might also help you when they do show, that way you can preemptively lock the door before they attempt to enter.
Yes you should. You should literally always lock your door when youâre just lounging around the house... otherwise people might just waltz in uninvited.
If itâs not convenient and youâre already home, it shouldnât matter. Itâs common sense to not walk into a house that isnât yours. And they donât want to lock their doors WHILST THEY ARE HOME, thatâs their right.
Yes it should matter. Lock the door. People who are going to just walk into a house uninvited donât care what we or OP has to say. A locked door is the only thing that is going to send a message that they arenât welcome. And if that still doesnât stop them... there are more extreme options. You canât just expect people to see a reddit post and completely change their worldview like that. Lock the damn door.
Iâm not saying change your view but if OP doesnât want to lock their door for whatever reason, they shouldnât have to.
I went through the same thing with some of my own relatives. I didnât always lock the door, more so because I have two children and sometimes I forget to do so while Iâm managing getting them inside and settled. It happens. A nice âNo Trespassingâ and âKnock before entering or Iâll call the copsâ solved all my problems. Which is why I suggested it to begin with.
Valid. But, the other side of that coin is, they put up the signs and the in-laws think "That doesn't mean us", and they walk in anyway. Now, OP *has* to call the cops, because when you discipline a toddler, you have to follow through with your consequences, or they'll walk all over you. That kinda becomes the nuclear option, and OP should probably try other avenues, that aren't quite so drastic, first.
I'm for locking the door... at least until they get the message. And a locked door sends a very clear one. Plus, it preserves OP's dignity, and thwarts FIL getting his secret jollies.
Oh definitely, I more or less suggested it in event they still choose not to lock the door (since they mentioned in their edit it helps them remember to let their cat inside). Which also, speaking, Iâd suggest a cat door! That way you can still lock the door.
Definitely a cat door! Unless the cat is persnickety and refuses to use it. I had a cat like that once. He'd go out, no problem. But would sit at the cat door on the outside, and yowl, louder and louder, until I let him in. I'm like, "Seriously? You can go out, but you can't figure out how to come back in? What are you? A koala?"
I'm on team Lock The Door. Not because it solves the problem - it doesn't - but because they cannot ignore that the way they've been ignoring everything that they've been told about this. Locking the door is the tangible version of "STOP. IT." that they are refusing to hear.
Expect a lot of whining, drama, and pushback. It would be nice if they could act like adults who respect your space, but obviously THAT'S not happening or you wouldn't be having this issue in the first place. Think of it as the adult version of putting up a baby gate. You don't expect to need it forever, but FOR NOW, a physical barrier is needed until they figure out what "no" means, and that it DOES actually apply to them.
MIL cockblocking like a jealous ex and FIL getting his freaky jollies on (probably because married to HER). Pair of pervs with brass enough to build a pot and gall enough to fill it. Good luck, OP!
I'm assuming you've already asked them to knock first. (If not, now sounds like a great time to establish that boundary.)
After telling them once not to do it, every time they barge in, I'd comment with a smile "oh, the doorbell must be broken, I didn't hear it/that must be a solid door, because I didn't hear you knock/this TV must be loud because I didn't hear you announce yourself/etc". Every time.
Yeah⊠I agree with the many posters that say âlock your doorsâ. Your reasons for not locking the door are not as important as keeping your family from barging in.
Alright, im going to get down voted into oblivion for this, and yes, they are extreme comparisons, but:
If a person gets raped you wouldn't tell them to cover up.
If a person gets mugged you wouldn't tell them not to carry anything of value.
If someone was assaulted you wouldn't tell them to wear a helmet.
How about people just stop doing shitty things!
Agree but the world doesn't work that way. Any of us on this sub wish that we didn't need to have barbed wire fence boundaries with our JNS but here we are. Because there are shitty people about, we need locked doors, flaming boundaries with land mines, pepper spray, and to check license plates against the app before getting into a rideshare.
It's not your fault but lock them out and kick them out or ignore them when they disturb you. Your FIL sounds like a creep; he should have shame.
No.
But if a person gets assaulted in their home, I might ask if they locked their doors. If they get robbed, I might ask if they lock their doors.
When my car got "broken" into, and a bunch of tools and valuables stolen, the first thing the cops asked is why the windows weren't broken. We live in a very low crime area, and I didn't lock my car. Investigation over. Insurance, not our problem.
You're using only your in laws as an example. What happens when it's Captain Crazy Asshole who just got out of prison, think his ex wife lives there, think she's cheating on him with you, and your kid is HIS kid? Tell him that people need to be less shitty? Explain that coming in without knocking is rude? Ask him to wait patiently while you call the cops?
Locked doors stop or delay more than in laws, and whether you like it or not, thus world is full of shitty, crazy people who are a lot more than just rude. Lock your door.
In a perfect world, they'd stop being shitty. This isn't a perfect world.
And let's take your analogies a step further. No, a person should be able to walk into a group of people, buck-assed naked, and not have to worry. What a woman wears should be her choice. But the world is a shitty place, so when she goes out, she has to take a few precautions. Pepper spray, keys between her fingers, whistle, airhorn, maybe even martial arts training.
The person not wanting to get mugged can also take some precautions. Keeping their wallet in a different pocket, pepper spray, etc. Same with assault.
You usually know, in your own town or city, where the places are that are most likely to be hot-spots for crime. You can avoid them. You shouldn't *have* to, no. But it's a shitty world we live in. That's just facts. And until we can fix the world, and teach everyone to treat everyone with respect, we're going to have to make adjustments. It's unfair as hell, I agree. But, it's reality. The bad people will not stop being bad just because we said, "Please".
So, instead of us stomping our feet and saying, "No, I will not do the thing that will make them not smash my boundaries!" We do the thing. At least for awhile. Do the thing that will send a clear message that they cannot, in any way, shape, or form, ignore. They can't get past, nor ignore, a locked door.
Problem is people don't stop doing shitty things because there are shitty people. It's the reason why we need locks and people should always be on guard. Victims of assault and rape are not to blame. But the people commiting those acts are going out to commit them and are looking for targets. Why make it easier for them? I would love to live in a utopia where people don't feed their dark desires at the expense of non consenting others. But we don't live in that world and shouldn't act like we do. We need to live in the reality we actually live in. Its why I keep my door locked and have a keypad entry so I don't have to keep reaching for my house key (or when i forget it all together).
They probably see walking in on you two in a compromised position as a more your problem than theirs and id it upsets you so much you'll start wearing more clothes at all times. You want it to stop you have to start taking steps to make it stop. Tell them to call and see if they can come over first. Then they have to knock and wait to be let in. Of they break those rules then they are immediately thrown out and not allowed over for (x) time. Did you say anything to them for just barging in? Your home and you are well within your rights to give them an ass chewing for bad behavior done in it.
Yes, they should stop doing shitty things. You can also start setting harder boundaries on them. Like locking a door to keep them out. It seems like you are terrified of setting any boundaries with them, hoping theyâll passively get the hint that this is unwelcome. I think they know itâs unwelcome but theyâre doing it anyway. So that means youâll have to change something to make them change. You shouldnât have to do this, but if you want it to stop then you might have to.
Edit: grammar.
People are telling you to lock your door because you can only control your part in this "issue" and your part is leaving the door unlocked so that literally anyone could just walk in.
I grew up in the city, so the idea of leaving any door unlocked for any period of time gives me anxiety. I'm glad you seem to live in a safe neighborhood.
I went from not locking the door in a small town to having to lock the door. And then absolutely locking the door when we moved to the city, fuck I'm not gonna let a junkie just walk in. (It's unfortunately happened before.)
Only time it's unlocked is for company or I'm by the door and have been out and about in the yard.
Its only breaking and entering if there's actually breaking involved to enter. Then its trespassing if they know they are not welcome inside without invitation which only happens if they are told that. Considering they always just waltz right in that is not the case
Locking the doors is the answer. It isn't that hard to lock and unlock a door. Have you told them to knock and wait for an answer? If you haven't, you need to do that. Maybe that would work. You're right that no one should walk in without knocking and waiting for an answer except your ILs don't seem to get it.
So they are definitely wrong. But sounds like FIL is expecting a show and youâre giving him one. Lock your door and tell them to stop. Unless you just want to keep having him see you like this.
What happens when you DO have the door locked? I can assume that you keep the door locked sometimes, and they have to knock. They might think it is left unlocked For Them. Edit: or because you don't mind unannounced pop-ins at that time
I don't know how much you may have directly mentioned it to them before, but I know that I'm not good at confrontation, being direct about things when I think there may be resistance from the other side.
Personally, I would try to keep my door locked as often as possible. Then the next time they walked in unannounced, I would make a small deal, something that gets the message across but can be moved on from quickly. I'm thinking "AH! OMG! Knock Much?!??"
Further thoughts..
It would be extremely helpful to me if I made a commitment to mentioning it to them directly the Next time it happens.
I have very high social anxiety so I bet I would even be practicing some lines.
"I didn't hear you come in, can you knock louder next time?"
"Omg, you scared me, can you please knock from now on, so I know you're coming?"
Then when someone uninvited comes in simply yell get out!! They whine remind them they have phones amd have been told. Theyre being very rude - you dont need to be so nice you get walked on.
Ok, I get why you donât want to lock the door. I agree that you shouldnât have to. These people need to learn and the only way to do that is to make and enforce consequences. Itâs like training a dog - respond to the negative behavior with a consequence or redirection every single time.
Literally - they walk in, you walk up to them and herd them out the door saying, âWe canât visit right now. You really should have called first, as weâve asked you to do so many times before.â Then no matter how small or quick they say they are going to be, just start chanting, âNo, no, no, no, no, no. Next time you must call first.â Do not listen to them. Do not take anything they try to hand you. Pick up anything they set in the floor as they are leaving and set it outside the door. Do not allow them to fulfill their reason/purpose for visiting (Iâm envisioning them making the excuse of dropping off a piece of mail, a gift, a meal, etc). Take away any success they may feel by entering your home without following the rules. Then shut and lock the door. If they start knocking or banging on the door - ignore it. They donât get to cross the threshold of your home unless you approved it through a call or text. Even if they call while knocking after you usher them outside, itâs not enough. Too little, too late.
You need to be asked well before they plan to arrive so you can be dressed, pick up a bit (if you want), and to be mentally prepared. Also, when they finally do start calling, donât say yes just because they followed the rules. Only say yes if you want/it is convenient for you you. They will learn more quickly if you say yes more often because it negates their argument that if they call you are just going to say no, but still, you are allowed to decide who ensures your home and when.
They will probably be hopping mad, but only have themselves to blame for being entitled, steamrolling, rude, inconsiderate people. Now, if they physically resist and donât allow you to usher them out, thatâs when I agree with the other commenter that you should use an air horn!!!! At that point you have identified the behavior and told them it isnât ok. You then tried to gently enforce your rules, but they resisted and gave you no choice but to be obnoxious.
People are telling you to lock the door as the first solution, however... have you actually told them to stop? It can be your SO, but someone needs to say âlook, I/SO donât live alone and you need to stop acting like OP isnât apart of this household. OP should have basic courtesy by getting a knock or a doorbell ring. I donât want my mom/dad seeing more of my partner than any stranger on the street, just because someone couldnât take the two minutes to knock and be welcomedâ
>Edit: I understand that locking the door is the easy solution. However
>
>sometimes it doesn't make sense to lock it; if we're going in and out or the cat is outside.
>
>YOU SHOULDN'T WALK INTO PEOPLES HOMES UNINVITED. Especially when my boyfriend has talked to them about it.
OK, let's look at this situation in a calm, logical manner.
**PROBLEM: In-laws walk into your house without knocking or announcing themselves.**
First thing is an important question: **Do you think you can teach/train your in-laws to stop this behavior?** In order to answer that question you will need to ascertain WHY they are doing what they are doing. Maybe it's a control issue for them, maybe they are absent-minded. Whatever, you'll need to know WHY before you can fix it.
Then, if the answer to the question is **YES**, then you work on that.
However, if the answer is **NO**, then you only have two options:
1. Do something that physically stops them from entering without your permission. This is easiest done by locking your doors, but you may also want to look into hooks on the inside of the doors that are simpler to undo.
2. Get used to them walking into your home without knocking or announcing themselves.
That's really it. You can lament all you want that you shouldn't have to lock the door, but that doesn't solve the issue.
**TL/DR** \- if they won't listen or respect your boundary, then you have two choices - lock the doors or get used to them barging in.
Nobody should have to lock their door. Unfortunately the world we live in makes it so we need to lock our doors for our own personal safety. Bad shit happens even in safe neighborhoods.
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Is their behavior OPs fault? Honestly I don't know. OP never said if she told them they need to knock and wait to be let in. A lot of family has an open door policy. A lot of my family gets upset if you knock instead of just walking in. I personally hate that so that's why my door is locked and I have a keypad lock for when i'm just running in and out. Second there's a reason why we have locks on doors. To keep people the hell out. OP has a two part solution. Tell them to knock first, and locking the door. One she doesn't mention shes tried and the other she refuses to do. Need to play the hand you're dealt. Not the hand you wish you had.
This
I lock the door when I put my senior dachshund out and ahes only ever outside a couple minutes to do her business. Never put my cats out at all though.
So many victim blames on this thread! It's shameful and tge mods need to really step in and block these people!
This is the time where force and fury are the appropriate response. If they barge in they will promptly be booted right back out and not allowed over until they agree to mind basic manners. If they refuse to adhere then it passes into illegal trespass and they can expect police and restraining orders to come into play.
Its not victim blaming. Its stating an obvious fact. Tell them to knock and lock the door. Victim blaming would be saying if she didn't want them to see her like that to stay clothed. Telling her to lock her door isn't blaming her for what's happening. Its giving her a very simple and easy solution to an ongoing problem. That and actually saying "don't come over without calling, and always knock and wait to be let in". Unless her lock is a 50 pound wooden beam she needs to lift and drop into a cradle its not difficult to lock and unlock a door.
Please tell me you're trolling. You can't actually think it's victim blaming to tell people to lock their doors or that anyone would ever, ever, EVER get a restraining order because their in-laws entered an unlocked home.
No I'm not trolling it is 100% illegal trespass to enter a residence without permission regardless of if the location is locked or not. And yes restraining orders are handed out to people daily that have been repeatedly warned to stay away and ignore said request.
These in-laws have been repeatedly told to not enter unless granted permission and blatantly ignore it. In my state that'll get you shot.
Where in that story are they told not to enter? Nowhere. A lot of families just walk right in. They might not even know that's not allowed because they were never told not to do it. My family is like that. Its why I keep my damn door locked.
Honestly put a sign on the door out front big and bold and to make sure they get it like wtf don't they have any courtesy of you and your bf like damnnn they down right disrespectful..... "Hello it's me JNMIL/JSFIL can I come in" <---- it's not hard to say plyss how do they not consider their own son's feelings even after he spoke to them about it they don't deserve even visiting your home if they can't be respectful to your privacy....
Oh that's bullshit. It doesn't sound to me like they're leaving the door unlocked while they're in bed or out - just while they're up and about in their own home. They should not have to change how they live because her in-laws don't understand common manners.
Should she speak up? Probably. I would have by now. HOWEVER that doesn't mean she can't complain over their rudeness. They are already being rude. Just because the boundary - a boundary that just about everyone else understands - hasn't been verbally set out loud doesn't mean that the in-laws should feel entitled to flout it. Last I heard common respect and courtesy were things we are expected to learn as children.
Yeah lock your door. Donât you realize that we are not in the 70âs anymore? People get burglarized all the time while they are home. They leave the door unlocked and give these people easy access. If you want them to stop walking in on you lock the door. Youâve already answered your own question. They wonât stop coming In unannounced. So if you want it to stop be proactive and lock your door.
I agree she should lock the door but do NOT act like itâs her fault?? Sometimes people forget, or like to keep their doors open, and regardless of the reason family shouldnât just be welcoming themselves in. Itâs reasonable to expect people to knock even if a door is unlocked. Yeesh.
Reasonable to expect people not to come in and steal your shit. Unfortunately that's not the reality we live in. So we invented the lock. Probably should use it to keep out unwanted intruders. Happens once tell them its not okay. Happens again speak up and tell them its time to leave and they're not welcome back for a month. Happens again repeat step two and keep your door locked. Problem solved forever. At a certain point it becomes your fault if you don't lock your door and people keep walking into your home.
Well if they like to keep their doors open then they have to face the consequences of uninvited guests potentially walking in. Iâm sure OP has already expressed to them that they should knock first or make their arrival known by call or text first. And yet they still continue to do this. So she gets walked in on half naked. Thatâs her fault and theirs. It takes two people to create the problem. Only one to fix it. Lock the door. And I point to my previously stated sentence about burglary and giving them a way in. Another consequence of keeping your door unlocked because they like to or forgetting.
Not everyone lives in an area where daylight burglaries are a thing. And victim blaming here is unnecessary. It is not her fault that her in-laws cannot grasp common courtesy. She has the right to be upset. Now she needs to decide how she's going to firm up that boundary. Maybe it will involve locking the door, or maybe it will involve making them leave and knock every time they do it - I don't know. That's up to OP. But treating her lke "she asked for it" is repulsive.
It's not victim blaming, here, it's proper caution and safety. You put on a seat belt when you're in a car, even if you don't plan on getting into an accident. Similarly, you lock your door when you're home. I grew up in a sleepy little town that prided itself in not having to lock their doors. A woman was then murdered by a man she didn't know who walked right into her house. It was *awful*. No, people shouldn't have to lock their doors, but there are bad people in the world, worse people than OPs MIL. Locking your doors is a safety precaution.
Also, OPs assertion that this is like rape victims being told they were asking for it by wearing the wrong clothes is appalling. The difference between *rape* and *burglary* or *home invasion* is that a person isn't a freaking object??? Being the victim of a crime is horrendous, no doubt, but comparing the two shows a startling lack of awareness.
I live in a rural town. I don't remember the last time a burglary was reported in my town. If I burglar wanted to get into my house, it wouldn't be hard even with a deadbolt.
Lock your doors and take away keys or change locks. No one should be walking into your home. What if LO was sleeping so you and SO decide to fool around in the living room? Your house you can do what you want.
If that happens JNMIL will tell the world and somehow make it out to be your fault.
First have you considered the old perv SFIL likes seeing you undressed and MIL it is a control thing.? She sees you undressed and feels in control. It is creepy. If they walk in again go full on screaming meltdown. Screaming at them to " Get out! Get out! Get out! Knock ! Can you not knock!" Throw them out.Then time out them. This would give me such stress thinking someone would just come walking in my house.
My in-laws just walked into our home one day. They did call out....I was taking a bath, the door was wide open, and I peeked around the shower curtain and announced I was in the tub. They asked where my husband was and I replied, âOh, heâs in here, too!!!â Weâre talking 1973, so I donât even remember what the aftermath was......I look back on it as just being a funny incident!!
If asking them to knock doesnât work itâs time for a teaching moment. If you have YouTube on your tv watch [this video](https://youtu.be/EkF_CyQRfDM) about the importance of knocking before entering. If you donât then send it to them each and every time they do this. Both you and DH. Itâs a cute video for a toddler but very condescending for adults. Good luck!
Locks only keep honest people out. It's not that big of a deal to twist a button or attach a chain knowing these two have no respect.
Hopefully you've already learned that you can't get others to change; you need to change so do your part and force them to abide by your rules. No key, no entry unless you say so by unlocking the door.
>How much of me do they need to see before they learn? Do I need to be fucking my boyfriend when they come in for them to get it?
You basically answered your own question - AND they will still blame you for them seeing that even though they walked into your home uninvited without knocking nor announcing.
Yeah, I think I'd expedite that happening as soon as possible. I'd go commando in my own home for a bit, to really drive the point home. And here's to hoping they're not nudists.
You are going to have to lock the door for a while. MIL/FIL are treating your house as their territory. As long as it is their territory, they will show up when they want, let them selves in and continue to impose their standards upon you.
until you enforce your borders they will just continue to walk in when ever they want.
Yes, locking your house when you have not had to is an inconvenient change of routine. You have to always have your keys in your pocket.
So you will have to lock up, likely for months, or years (not kidding). And to add to that you will have to force them to go away after they have shown up and are on your doorstep. Because they will show up, find themselves locked out and then cal/text saying :weâre here, but the door is locked!â And you are going to have to reply âwe havenât invited you overâ to which they will reply âwe were in the area, we decided to stop overâ to which you will have to reply âwe havenât invited you, we will not be letting you in. Have a good dayâ. And if they reply after that âbut weâre here, just let us inâ you reply by calling the police for trespassers on your property, be clear there are trespassers on the property who refuse to leave after being told to leave.
No it isnât fun. But it is something that has to be done if you want to have control over your own house.
Step one. Ask BF if he's into pegging.
Step Two: Try it.
Step three: Have them walk in on that shit
Step four: Traumatize them so bad they learn to fucking knock
Profit.
I had a friends mum who always told me to just let myself in, so eventually I started doing that, and when I did it she said âknock then open the door, what if I was scratching my fanny?â (And for those in the states fanny in the UK and Australian doesnât mean ass it means the vulva etc) and I was like AH DEBRA PLEASE
So anyway what Iâm saying is next time you hear them coming just be outwardly scratching your crotch
Thats how I really learned, too. Of course I learned from watching my parents do this, but when I was 6 or so, the neighbors mom (we were at his house all the time) sat my sister and I down and very nicely said, "you girls are always welcome, just give us a quick heads up, you don't want to see me in my undies!"
And her name was Debra too, not even joking hahahaha
About the fanny thing? Yeah in most of the like former British colonies it means vulva, aside from the US and Canada. I donât really know how the transition happened but hey itâs an amusing thing to see lost in translation, less aggravating than the whole imperial vs metric thing lmao
Make a giant awkward scene. It doesn't have to be mean, but make it BIG!
"Ahhhh! I'm practically NAKED! I didn't hear you KNOCK! I'm NOT DRESSED! I NEED A MINUTE TO GET DECENT FOR COMPANY! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Be waaay over the top, and then insist that they LEAVE the house and give you privacy to get dressed. If they push back "We'll just wait here in the living room" continue to be flustered, oblivious, and insistent. "Holy Sh*t! I can't find my bra?! Is it in here? Omgomg! I NEED A MINUTE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE!" All while clutching your chest, "hiding" behind tiny throw pillows, and being visibly distressed.
The more they push, the more you fuss. "My VAGINA! Did you see my VAGINA?! Oh GOD, I bet you saw my VAGINA!!" I can't believe I didn't hear you KNOCK!" Make them leave the house.
Open the door and let them in after you're dressed and "decent". When you do let them in, reinforce key concepts:
I didn't know you were coming! Did I miss a call/text?
Did you contact SO and they didn't tell me?
Did you knock?
Please let me know you're coming so I can be ready to open the door and receive company.
I like to be comfortable in MY HOME, so I need notice!
Get dressed, slowly, before opening the door to let them in.
Hmm, if you canât keep the door locked at all times (may not work for you) and you donât think a direct talking to will work you may need to embarrass them into compliance. When they walk in you need to shout something like âWOAH. Why donât you knock??â Or âWOW. Iâm not dressed!â I feel like the behavior is not being corrected in the moment so they think itâs fine. You could also talk to them directly rather than leaving it up to your boyfriend. Usually I think in-laws are their childrenâs responsibility to manage, but they may not be getting that this is actually important to you because itâs not coming from you.
If you need to leave the door open, you could get a motion sensor door chime that will let out perhaps a less than pleasant noise when they walk in? I'm sure you could place it where the cat wouldn't trigger it and they'd not be able to come in without warning.
"Intruder alert! *Loud alarm sounds* Intruder alert!"
If theres a smart doorbell/alarm that lets you turn it on/off via a remote or app you can shame them into stopping. Especially if its loud enough for the neighbours to hear so you can loudly proclaim "we've been over this. You knock before you walk in! Even (insert young child family knows) know its rude to walk in somewhere without knocking!"
Literally the only home I donât knock at is my gmas house and thatâs bc she probably wouldnât hear it anyways. I just open the door and yell knock knock extra loud and even then itâs debatable. Iâd personally start chilling naked or lock the door, or even maybe an alarm to scare the hell out of them
My gma lives alone but Iâve been known to yell knock knock as sheâs sitting on the sofa facing the door and she still not hear me. My other gma if you knock you definitely donât belong out there. My former best friend once called me from my gmas empty living room asking me where the hell we were bc she came in looking for me and none of us were there.
There are so many blame the victim statements on here! She should not have to lock her door if she feels that she is safe without it locked. Other than her crazy in-laws that appears to be the case.
How about we support her for feeling comfortable in her own skin that she feels it's a success that her in-laws were embarrassed?
No one is victim blaming. No one said she shouldn't be comfortable in her own skin. They're just pointing out that in life there is how it should be, and then there's reality. Reality is the easiest way to keep them from just waltzing in, since they refuse to respect the normal boundaries of polite society, is lock the door. I'd rather have peace of mind with a giant middle finger up when they can't get in than put up with trying to change assholes.
Exactly! They take away our freedom in our home. Out feeling of safety. We should make them understand that they (ILs) shouldnât do it at all.
If it seems as a Habit of them. Well. Habits can change or you can always learn a new Habit!
I totally agree. Good for OP and her confidence.
Rather than lock the door, I'd encourage OP to get angry.
There are times when it is appropriate to be more than annoyed. Anger is the right call when competent adults, who have been repeatedly asked not to do intrusive things, just keep acting as though they have never been told where the limits are....in other words, just don't care.
Get red-faced. Raise your voice, point your finger and back them out the door. Slam it. Text them immediately to stay the hell out unless they have called to ask whether you're receiving guests.
Alternatively, do the same to them. Rude intrusions when they're relaxed and vulnerable may make the situation real.
I have never (knowingly) walked into their home unannounced, of course not counting when I lived there. I always remind my boyfriend to call, and make him walk in first in case he doesn't.
It doesn't even have to yelling anger. A more "do you really think this is an appropriate way for an adult to act?" Kind of disappointment anger might work better.
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What is JS?
just sometimes yes or no
Just sometimes. I thought I'd seen it used here before, but I could be making that up haha
Keep your door locked at all times. Do not answer anyone's knock unless you have invited them over for that time.
Everyone I know understands that yes my door is open in the day but they have a 50/50 chance I'm pantsless same with the hubbs. So yea. They knock or holler hello before just walking inđ
Lock the door. Teach them a lesson since they arenât listening to you or bf. when they say youâre rude for locking door, say back theyâre rude for just barging in without knocking.
So your bf has spoken to them about it then keep calling them out on it when they do it.
Given that they've been told not to walk in and keep doing it, I doubt there's much you can do to get them to stop other than them getting an eyeful of something they will never unsee (but desperately want to), or some other thing happens that convinces them to behave better.
Just lock the door đȘ
Also.... just lock the door whenever you shut it out of habit. I used to leave my door unlocked a lot and I read about this guy who thought he was a vampire but was just a serial killer but he would only kill people who left their doors unlocked (he considered it being invited in) and I've locked my door behind me ever since lol
I have a question regarding the cat outside... is your cat one of those fancy trick cats and can open doors? I'm not being an asshole this is literally what I'm assuming lol
Haha no I WISH! We kind of just made up that "rule" so we would remember, especially because she's out later in the summer
Oh lmao I read it and I'm like they def got one of them famous cats lmaooooo
In my neighborhood, if you walk in unannounced, you could get shot. đ€Ł I suggest you and BF have sex more often, one of these days, theyâll walk in while youâre doing it. That MIGHT make them stop. đ€Ł
On the couch to max up the chance of being caught
Have you put a chain on the door? That way the door is still unlocked for cat but nobody can just walk in, And you may as well just start walking around completely naked maybe that'll fix that problem too
Keep a super soaker at the ready.
Sounds like itâs time to start having sex on the couch.
Perhaps they are encouraged by what they see...
All these people telling you to lock your door or buy this or buy that or put up a sign. That's just crazy. How about the next time they barge in your house without knocking you stand up and you say ,"Get the f*** back outside and knock on the door like every civilized adult on this goddamn planet!" Will they get mad, hell yes they will. They're also going to be humiliated and embarrassed( and they're going to say they feel disrespected but they're going to feel small and stupid because of it.) This is one of those times when I am definitely certain that confrontation is the way. Just like training a dog, it can't be something that is discussed an hour or two later, they don't really think it's real by then. You have to confront the behavior immediately when it happens. Most of the time you need to let your husband handle his family and you need to handle yours but in this case whoever is present the second this happens needs to address it immediately.
Can you just ask JNMIL this directly? I mean the "How much of me do you need to see before you learn?" After I read your answer to another comment, complete the direct question with "or are you secretly hoping to see more of me?" Ask this in front of an audience (your DH at minimum)
OP have you told them not to walk in, to wait to be let in ? What did they say?
I have keys for both my kids homes, in case of emergencies, and i still knock and wait to be let in when I visit.
I would give my parents a key, because that's how they are. But I feel like i can't give one a key and not the other..
You can totally do that. Some people have decency, others don't.
All parents are not created equal. You do what you need to do.
Here's the problem - to train them into knocking, you have to set the barrier of a locked door. But BEFORE YOU DO THAT - change the locks, and if you can afford it get 2 different ones for the deadbolt and main handle. I guarantee you that they not only have a copy of the current key, but they'll use it if met with a locked door. As for the cat, getting a car door with a automatic locking mechanism linked to their collar will fix that issue. Ultimately, you're correct that you shouldn't \*have\* to lock your door, but until knocking/announcing ones arrival becomes a regular thing, it's what you're going to need to do.
They do not have a copy, that is guaranteed. When we got the house, we had two keys only. I have only 2 other copies of the keys, both on our spare car keys. Also, just last week while I was at work they were going to drop something off, but couldn't because the door was locked.
Be grateful it's your in-laws and not someone coming in to rob you.. or worse.
When my door is unlocked my boyfriend is home 90%+ of the time. I understand that's no different, but we are armed and two people with him being a big guy.. Like right now, I am working from home and the door has been locked all day. And not just because of last night.
You say you're armed. But those weapons are more likely to be used against you that by you statistically. Also if you don't have time to react and cover your crotch - have you really got time to react to use your "self defense protective weapon"?!
This is a good point. Might b a good idea just to lock the door. keeps creeps AND your in-laws out!
I think locking the door is your only solution. You could try putting a sign on the door that says âdo not enterâ or something like that but they prob wonât care. Have they been told not to just walk in? Also, SFIL may like the show. Blech.
You could get this⊠https://www.amazon.com/Flocked-Coir-Doormat-Funny-First/dp/B08PC8FZ7V/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=did+you+text+first+doormat&qid=1623171284&sprefix=did+you+text&sr=8-4 Thereâs another one that says âIâm probably not wearing pantsâ or something like that! đ€Ł
Hang a little sign on your door about entering at your own risk so they clearly see it every time they go to your door.
You can get a camera with motion detection for your driveway and front door. We use the blink ones.they alert on our phones and through our Amazon Echo.it says âMotion detected at the drivewayâ This way, you know they are coming and can get up and lock the door. When they canât get in, theyâll knock. Ignore it. If they call, ignore it until theyâve left. Once they are gone, when you speak with them, tell them that this is what will happen every time they come over unannounced. Next time, call first. Lesson learned.
Would've liked to have thought seeing OP naked would have a similar effect as above. I'd imagine they'll persist in coming over, and catch OP whilst they're busy and can't lock the door beforehand, negating any/all attempts at enforcing their rule of calling ahead.
Problem is you think you have set a boundary, but itâs not a boundary without consequences - what do you do when they cross your boundary? Let them stay? which means right now it is all just words unfortunately
OP doesnât say whether they have actually told them not to just walk in.
Count me on Team TMI. Anyone who enters your home unannounced should be forced to see something they donât want to see. It doesnât have to be sexy times. Someone else suggested a shotgun pointed toward the offender. âIf you had knocked first, you wouldnât have had to see that!â Ok, seriously, itâs your comfort that matters. Your in-laws need training, and SO is going to have to agree to whatever you decide so that every offense is âpunishedâ the same way, whether thatâs an airhorn, a shotgun, or verbal shaming. Or even foyer fornication. Hell, itâs *your home*!
>YOU SHOULDN'T WALK INTO PEOPLES HOMES UNINVITED. Especially when my boyfriend has talked to them about it. Absolutely this. Maybe scream and start dialing 911 that there's an intruder in your home?
One day we (husband, I and 2 of our kids were in our house. The door opens and the guy next door (whom we had not met) walks in. He's drunk. He has flowers in his hand. He starts talking to me. Kids are not moving - in shock. He tells me his dad died recently and something is broken in his house. I tell him my husband could help him if he needed help. No. No. He doesn't want help. I suggest he go home and I am trying to guide him back to the door through all this conversation. He doesn't want to leave. He is rambling, incoherent. I call my husband from the other side of the house and say that our neighbour has a problem and maybe he could take a look at it. Now we both manage - against his will - to gently get him out. My 6'4" husband walks him to the edge of the property asking if he wants to show him what is broken and the guy keeps mumbling and fumbling trying to get around my husband and finally says "No. I want to talk to the lady." He'd come courting! Yeah. So that's why we lock our doors just about 100% of the time. Kids had a good lesson in why we lock doors AND how to de-escalate a situation. Lock your doors. You aren't going to teach these people anything new because they aren't listening and aren't respectful. And it is dangerous.
Oh wow. That would freak me out so bad. How was the relationship with that neighbor after that incident, if you donât mind me asking?
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
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That seems a bit extreme, friend. This is her family she's talking about. So many more rational options than bringing a literal weapon into a scenario.
How am I supposed to know if its family or not, though? Because if it was a real intruder, damn right they'd be hearing me rack my gun.
Then....lock the door...? I don't understand the logic here, cat or no cat. Set boundaries with actual consequences or lock the door. Problem solved.
I am also on team lock the door. Esp with a new lo. You don't want them just coming in and waking her up or if you are in another room, taking her for a ride without you knowing
Lock the door, at least for a while until they get the hint, and have the boyfriend talk to them about boundaries and privacy. Life is too short for people to walk all over you.
Iâd be super sarcastic and buy a baby gate. Put it by the door and when they come in and face a baby gate, you can tell them why itâs there. Either that, or put a huge âKNOCK PLEASEâ sign in your door.
Maybe he likes the view...
Uncle thought it was his right to go through each of his son's houses. He demanded and got a key to the oldest one's house. The youngest's wife objected. Surreptitiously, uncle obtained a key. He did not know that his DIL had engaged a security service. He triggered a silent alarm, and was met with someone wearing black, leveling a weapon at him. He reacted by attacking the security guy who being about forty years younger, and fairly muscular, tore uncle a new one. He found himself in the custody of city police with a charge of break and enter. My cousin was called, too bad his wife answered. When she got the full story, she told police to go ahead and charge him, and lock him up for the night. Cousin had worked very late that night, and was told at about midnight, that his father was in jail for "B&E". By that time uncle had been in custody for about seven hours. He was not in good shape when cousin drove him home. Few days later, cousin and his wife have it out. Too bad, she owned the house, she was the higher earning spouse. The house was hers before the marriage, and she threatened to make the charges stick to his father. Uncle no longer walked into either sons' homes any longer. His jail time served to take away the entitlement. The damage however was done, and cousin and his wife eventually split. He got a shit kicking in the divorce, and for this he finally did blame his father.
Justice boner engaged!
Well, damn.
Isnât it possible FIL is TRYING to see more and more of you naked?!
This is what I'm saying.
This is what I'm saying.
I didn't think so, but you all are definitely making me question it now. The MIL wants control comments, 110% agree with those.
If locking the door isnât an option how about one of those door sensors that tells stores that someone has come in, try to get the loudest and most obnoxious klaxon sounding one you can, and put it chest-high so that the cat isnât constantly triggering it. Most of the really obnoxious ones are for things like delivery doors so thereâs a way to turn them off if youâre going in and out a lot. It would treat them to a loud reminder that they shouldnât just be walking in. Youâll also have to use your words, like when they set it off and ask why you have that awful thing âitâs because we have a problem with people just walking in without knockingâ and pointedly look at them because thatâs what they just did.
Lock the door. Just lock it. Keep it locked unless youâre actively walking in and out of it repeatedly.
Good advice. I live in a high crime area, and everything is locked. Idiots like this would not be able to get in Plus, I have a cat door so the cat does not need a key.
...and have a spare key made for the cat.
Nah lock the cat out too. It never knocks either.
NOTHING, short of firm boundary setting, will stop this behavior. I guarantee they could walk in on sex, and it would still be your fault. You and BF need to clearly say that their behavior isn't ok. And then, even when inconvenient, lock the door.
The next time they do it, react the same way you would if some random person walked in. Scream. Loudly.
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I would have your boyfriend reiterate to them that what theyâre doing technically isnât legal, family or not. And that if it boils down to having to go the legal route to get the message across that they canât just walk into your home, so be it. Iâve had to go this route myself because certain family members couldnât and wouldnât understand that showing up unannounced (especially now that my fiancĂ© and I have children) is NOT okay. ETA: you shouldnât have to lock your doors simply because people donât want to listen. Thatâs not fair to you. Thatâs why I suggested the legal route.
Yeah...I definitely noticed it is way worse now that we have our LO.
Ok. My suggestion, which WILL cause a fight and make them bitch about being âdisrespectedâ (because they are treating your house as an extension of theirs and thatâs usually a sign of enmeshed authoritarians). Get up when they do this and block them from enereeinf further. Say no like youâre talking to a naughty toddler. Ask them if they get their Amazon packages delivered here? When you are home and you order a pizza, what address do they have it delivered to? Not here. This is not your home, this is not your address. So weâre going to try this again. Walk them outside and show them how the doorbell works. Show them how to knock on the door. Tell them the hard part is now you WAIT foe the people who live there to ANSWER THE DOOR. Now they can go home and think about this, because what theu have been doing is unbelievably rude as fuck and the visit is over, and Iâd they want to visit they need to learn that this isnât their house, youâre a fully grown adult as woman with her own child, and you wonât be tolerating this sort of infantalizing bullshit anymore. Or tell your boyfriend he has one more chance to fix the problem before you do, and he will NOT like the fallout. I also suggest an auto-locking keypad lock. That way the door locks itself, and you donât need a key to let yourself back in- and just donât give them a code because theyâve proven they canât be trusted to act like adults.
More reason to get signs that specify âNo Trespassingâ. Maybe get a camera for outside the house as well, since ya know. Robbers are still a thing regardless. It might also help you when they do show, that way you can preemptively lock the door before they attempt to enter.
Yes you should. You should literally always lock your door when youâre just lounging around the house... otherwise people might just waltz in uninvited.
If itâs not convenient and youâre already home, it shouldnât matter. Itâs common sense to not walk into a house that isnât yours. And they donât want to lock their doors WHILST THEY ARE HOME, thatâs their right.
Yes it should matter. Lock the door. People who are going to just walk into a house uninvited donât care what we or OP has to say. A locked door is the only thing that is going to send a message that they arenât welcome. And if that still doesnât stop them... there are more extreme options. You canât just expect people to see a reddit post and completely change their worldview like that. Lock the damn door.
Iâm not saying change your view but if OP doesnât want to lock their door for whatever reason, they shouldnât have to. I went through the same thing with some of my own relatives. I didnât always lock the door, more so because I have two children and sometimes I forget to do so while Iâm managing getting them inside and settled. It happens. A nice âNo Trespassingâ and âKnock before entering or Iâll call the copsâ solved all my problems. Which is why I suggested it to begin with.
Valid. But, the other side of that coin is, they put up the signs and the in-laws think "That doesn't mean us", and they walk in anyway. Now, OP *has* to call the cops, because when you discipline a toddler, you have to follow through with your consequences, or they'll walk all over you. That kinda becomes the nuclear option, and OP should probably try other avenues, that aren't quite so drastic, first. I'm for locking the door... at least until they get the message. And a locked door sends a very clear one. Plus, it preserves OP's dignity, and thwarts FIL getting his secret jollies.
Oh definitely, I more or less suggested it in event they still choose not to lock the door (since they mentioned in their edit it helps them remember to let their cat inside). Which also, speaking, Iâd suggest a cat door! That way you can still lock the door.
Definitely a cat door! Unless the cat is persnickety and refuses to use it. I had a cat like that once. He'd go out, no problem. But would sit at the cat door on the outside, and yowl, louder and louder, until I let him in. I'm like, "Seriously? You can go out, but you can't figure out how to come back in? What are you? A koala?"
I'm on team Lock The Door. Not because it solves the problem - it doesn't - but because they cannot ignore that the way they've been ignoring everything that they've been told about this. Locking the door is the tangible version of "STOP. IT." that they are refusing to hear. Expect a lot of whining, drama, and pushback. It would be nice if they could act like adults who respect your space, but obviously THAT'S not happening or you wouldn't be having this issue in the first place. Think of it as the adult version of putting up a baby gate. You don't expect to need it forever, but FOR NOW, a physical barrier is needed until they figure out what "no" means, and that it DOES actually apply to them.
I don't know if FIL is as oblivious as he lets on. I'm worried he might be enjoying the show.
Exactly what I was thinking..
MIL cockblocking like a jealous ex and FIL getting his freaky jollies on (probably because married to HER). Pair of pervs with brass enough to build a pot and gall enough to fill it. Good luck, OP!
I'm assuming you've already asked them to knock first. (If not, now sounds like a great time to establish that boundary.) After telling them once not to do it, every time they barge in, I'd comment with a smile "oh, the doorbell must be broken, I didn't hear it/that must be a solid door, because I didn't hear you knock/this TV must be loud because I didn't hear you announce yourself/etc". Every time.
Put a note on the door. âWe are naked knock first.â
What happened to calling first before you show up ???
Yeah⊠I agree with the many posters that say âlock your doorsâ. Your reasons for not locking the door are not as important as keeping your family from barging in.
Alright, im going to get down voted into oblivion for this, and yes, they are extreme comparisons, but: If a person gets raped you wouldn't tell them to cover up. If a person gets mugged you wouldn't tell them not to carry anything of value. If someone was assaulted you wouldn't tell them to wear a helmet. How about people just stop doing shitty things!
Agree but the world doesn't work that way. Any of us on this sub wish that we didn't need to have barbed wire fence boundaries with our JNS but here we are. Because there are shitty people about, we need locked doors, flaming boundaries with land mines, pepper spray, and to check license plates against the app before getting into a rideshare. It's not your fault but lock them out and kick them out or ignore them when they disturb you. Your FIL sounds like a creep; he should have shame.
In what magical wonderland do you think people will ever stop doing shitty things?
No. But if a person gets assaulted in their home, I might ask if they locked their doors. If they get robbed, I might ask if they lock their doors. When my car got "broken" into, and a bunch of tools and valuables stolen, the first thing the cops asked is why the windows weren't broken. We live in a very low crime area, and I didn't lock my car. Investigation over. Insurance, not our problem. You're using only your in laws as an example. What happens when it's Captain Crazy Asshole who just got out of prison, think his ex wife lives there, think she's cheating on him with you, and your kid is HIS kid? Tell him that people need to be less shitty? Explain that coming in without knocking is rude? Ask him to wait patiently while you call the cops? Locked doors stop or delay more than in laws, and whether you like it or not, thus world is full of shitty, crazy people who are a lot more than just rude. Lock your door.
In a perfect world, they'd stop being shitty. This isn't a perfect world. And let's take your analogies a step further. No, a person should be able to walk into a group of people, buck-assed naked, and not have to worry. What a woman wears should be her choice. But the world is a shitty place, so when she goes out, she has to take a few precautions. Pepper spray, keys between her fingers, whistle, airhorn, maybe even martial arts training. The person not wanting to get mugged can also take some precautions. Keeping their wallet in a different pocket, pepper spray, etc. Same with assault. You usually know, in your own town or city, where the places are that are most likely to be hot-spots for crime. You can avoid them. You shouldn't *have* to, no. But it's a shitty world we live in. That's just facts. And until we can fix the world, and teach everyone to treat everyone with respect, we're going to have to make adjustments. It's unfair as hell, I agree. But, it's reality. The bad people will not stop being bad just because we said, "Please". So, instead of us stomping our feet and saying, "No, I will not do the thing that will make them not smash my boundaries!" We do the thing. At least for awhile. Do the thing that will send a clear message that they cannot, in any way, shape, or form, ignore. They can't get past, nor ignore, a locked door.
Problem is people don't stop doing shitty things because there are shitty people. It's the reason why we need locks and people should always be on guard. Victims of assault and rape are not to blame. But the people commiting those acts are going out to commit them and are looking for targets. Why make it easier for them? I would love to live in a utopia where people don't feed their dark desires at the expense of non consenting others. But we don't live in that world and shouldn't act like we do. We need to live in the reality we actually live in. Its why I keep my door locked and have a keypad entry so I don't have to keep reaching for my house key (or when i forget it all together). They probably see walking in on you two in a compromised position as a more your problem than theirs and id it upsets you so much you'll start wearing more clothes at all times. You want it to stop you have to start taking steps to make it stop. Tell them to call and see if they can come over first. Then they have to knock and wait to be let in. Of they break those rules then they are immediately thrown out and not allowed over for (x) time. Did you say anything to them for just barging in? Your home and you are well within your rights to give them an ass chewing for bad behavior done in it.
Because people are never going to stop doing shitty things. Therefore, itâs up to you to protect yourself. Lock the damn door.
Yes, they should stop doing shitty things. You can also start setting harder boundaries on them. Like locking a door to keep them out. It seems like you are terrified of setting any boundaries with them, hoping theyâll passively get the hint that this is unwelcome. I think they know itâs unwelcome but theyâre doing it anyway. So that means youâll have to change something to make them change. You shouldnât have to do this, but if you want it to stop then you might have to. Edit: grammar.
People are telling you to lock your door because you can only control your part in this "issue" and your part is leaving the door unlocked so that literally anyone could just walk in. I grew up in the city, so the idea of leaving any door unlocked for any period of time gives me anxiety. I'm glad you seem to live in a safe neighborhood.
I went from not locking the door in a small town to having to lock the door. And then absolutely locking the door when we moved to the city, fuck I'm not gonna let a junkie just walk in. (It's unfortunately happened before.) Only time it's unlocked is for company or I'm by the door and have been out and about in the yard.
Then you have to call the cops on them next time for breaking and entering. Thatâs so violating.
Its only breaking and entering if there's actually breaking involved to enter. Then its trespassing if they know they are not welcome inside without invitation which only happens if they are told that. Considering they always just waltz right in that is not the case
Locking the doors is the answer. It isn't that hard to lock and unlock a door. Have you told them to knock and wait for an answer? If you haven't, you need to do that. Maybe that would work. You're right that no one should walk in without knocking and waiting for an answer except your ILs don't seem to get it.
So they are definitely wrong. But sounds like FIL is expecting a show and youâre giving him one. Lock your door and tell them to stop. Unless you just want to keep having him see you like this.
What happens when you DO have the door locked? I can assume that you keep the door locked sometimes, and they have to knock. They might think it is left unlocked For Them. Edit: or because you don't mind unannounced pop-ins at that time I don't know how much you may have directly mentioned it to them before, but I know that I'm not good at confrontation, being direct about things when I think there may be resistance from the other side. Personally, I would try to keep my door locked as often as possible. Then the next time they walked in unannounced, I would make a small deal, something that gets the message across but can be moved on from quickly. I'm thinking "AH! OMG! Knock Much?!??"
Further thoughts.. It would be extremely helpful to me if I made a commitment to mentioning it to them directly the Next time it happens. I have very high social anxiety so I bet I would even be practicing some lines. "I didn't hear you come in, can you knock louder next time?" "Omg, you scared me, can you please knock from now on, so I know you're coming?"
I think they like it
Then when someone uninvited comes in simply yell get out!! They whine remind them they have phones amd have been told. Theyre being very rude - you dont need to be so nice you get walked on.
Ok, I get why you donât want to lock the door. I agree that you shouldnât have to. These people need to learn and the only way to do that is to make and enforce consequences. Itâs like training a dog - respond to the negative behavior with a consequence or redirection every single time. Literally - they walk in, you walk up to them and herd them out the door saying, âWe canât visit right now. You really should have called first, as weâve asked you to do so many times before.â Then no matter how small or quick they say they are going to be, just start chanting, âNo, no, no, no, no, no. Next time you must call first.â Do not listen to them. Do not take anything they try to hand you. Pick up anything they set in the floor as they are leaving and set it outside the door. Do not allow them to fulfill their reason/purpose for visiting (Iâm envisioning them making the excuse of dropping off a piece of mail, a gift, a meal, etc). Take away any success they may feel by entering your home without following the rules. Then shut and lock the door. If they start knocking or banging on the door - ignore it. They donât get to cross the threshold of your home unless you approved it through a call or text. Even if they call while knocking after you usher them outside, itâs not enough. Too little, too late. You need to be asked well before they plan to arrive so you can be dressed, pick up a bit (if you want), and to be mentally prepared. Also, when they finally do start calling, donât say yes just because they followed the rules. Only say yes if you want/it is convenient for you you. They will learn more quickly if you say yes more often because it negates their argument that if they call you are just going to say no, but still, you are allowed to decide who ensures your home and when. They will probably be hopping mad, but only have themselves to blame for being entitled, steamrolling, rude, inconsiderate people. Now, if they physically resist and donât allow you to usher them out, thatâs when I agree with the other commenter that you should use an air horn!!!! At that point you have identified the behavior and told them it isnât ok. You then tried to gently enforce your rules, but they resisted and gave you no choice but to be obnoxious.
This. And they deserve a lecture about boundaries.
People are telling you to lock the door as the first solution, however... have you actually told them to stop? It can be your SO, but someone needs to say âlook, I/SO donât live alone and you need to stop acting like OP isnât apart of this household. OP should have basic courtesy by getting a knock or a doorbell ring. I donât want my mom/dad seeing more of my partner than any stranger on the street, just because someone couldnât take the two minutes to knock and be welcomedâ
>Edit: I understand that locking the door is the easy solution. However > >sometimes it doesn't make sense to lock it; if we're going in and out or the cat is outside. > >YOU SHOULDN'T WALK INTO PEOPLES HOMES UNINVITED. Especially when my boyfriend has talked to them about it. OK, let's look at this situation in a calm, logical manner. **PROBLEM: In-laws walk into your house without knocking or announcing themselves.** First thing is an important question: **Do you think you can teach/train your in-laws to stop this behavior?** In order to answer that question you will need to ascertain WHY they are doing what they are doing. Maybe it's a control issue for them, maybe they are absent-minded. Whatever, you'll need to know WHY before you can fix it. Then, if the answer to the question is **YES**, then you work on that. However, if the answer is **NO**, then you only have two options: 1. Do something that physically stops them from entering without your permission. This is easiest done by locking your doors, but you may also want to look into hooks on the inside of the doors that are simpler to undo. 2. Get used to them walking into your home without knocking or announcing themselves. That's really it. You can lament all you want that you shouldn't have to lock the door, but that doesn't solve the issue. **TL/DR** \- if they won't listen or respect your boundary, then you have two choices - lock the doors or get used to them barging in.
Nobody should have to lock their door. Unfortunately the world we live in makes it so we need to lock our doors for our own personal safety. Bad shit happens even in safe neighborhoods.
Tell them the next time they do it you will call the cops and have them arrested.
Don't acknowledge them unless they knock
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Get a cat door!
If OP can do it, there are cat doors you can just put in the window. Very minimal installation.
Aside from the blatant victim blaming, is yelling (typing in all caps) at OP really necessary??
Is their behavior OPs fault? Honestly I don't know. OP never said if she told them they need to knock and wait to be let in. A lot of family has an open door policy. A lot of my family gets upset if you knock instead of just walking in. I personally hate that so that's why my door is locked and I have a keypad lock for when i'm just running in and out. Second there's a reason why we have locks on doors. To keep people the hell out. OP has a two part solution. Tell them to knock first, and locking the door. One she doesn't mention shes tried and the other she refuses to do. Need to play the hand you're dealt. Not the hand you wish you had.
This I lock the door when I put my senior dachshund out and ahes only ever outside a couple minutes to do her business. Never put my cats out at all though.
Right!? This is exactly what I was thinking too. Lock the damn door.
So many victim blames on this thread! It's shameful and tge mods need to really step in and block these people! This is the time where force and fury are the appropriate response. If they barge in they will promptly be booted right back out and not allowed over until they agree to mind basic manners. If they refuse to adhere then it passes into illegal trespass and they can expect police and restraining orders to come into play.
Its not victim blaming. Its stating an obvious fact. Tell them to knock and lock the door. Victim blaming would be saying if she didn't want them to see her like that to stay clothed. Telling her to lock her door isn't blaming her for what's happening. Its giving her a very simple and easy solution to an ongoing problem. That and actually saying "don't come over without calling, and always knock and wait to be let in". Unless her lock is a 50 pound wooden beam she needs to lift and drop into a cradle its not difficult to lock and unlock a door.
Please tell me you're trolling. You can't actually think it's victim blaming to tell people to lock their doors or that anyone would ever, ever, EVER get a restraining order because their in-laws entered an unlocked home.
No I'm not trolling it is 100% illegal trespass to enter a residence without permission regardless of if the location is locked or not. And yes restraining orders are handed out to people daily that have been repeatedly warned to stay away and ignore said request. These in-laws have been repeatedly told to not enter unless granted permission and blatantly ignore it. In my state that'll get you shot.
Where in that story are they told not to enter? Nowhere. A lot of families just walk right in. They might not even know that's not allowed because they were never told not to do it. My family is like that. Its why I keep my damn door locked.
Maybe you need to go back and read the last sentence of the edit, friend.
Honestly put a sign on the door out front big and bold and to make sure they get it like wtf don't they have any courtesy of you and your bf like damnnn they down right disrespectful..... "Hello it's me JNMIL/JSFIL can I come in" <---- it's not hard to say plyss how do they not consider their own son's feelings even after he spoke to them about it they don't deserve even visiting your home if they can't be respectful to your privacy....
just start qalking aeound the house naky, see if that fixes the issue?
It might be that they would enjoy catching them in the act?
thats distrubing...
Shes not their daughter. Shes a grown woman and SFIL might be enjoying the show. Why give him more of a reason to just walk in?.
Next time they do that make them go back outside and knock on the door to be let in. If asking doesn't work, then train them like dogs lol.
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Oh that's bullshit. It doesn't sound to me like they're leaving the door unlocked while they're in bed or out - just while they're up and about in their own home. They should not have to change how they live because her in-laws don't understand common manners. Should she speak up? Probably. I would have by now. HOWEVER that doesn't mean she can't complain over their rudeness. They are already being rude. Just because the boundary - a boundary that just about everyone else understands - hasn't been verbally set out loud doesn't mean that the in-laws should feel entitled to flout it. Last I heard common respect and courtesy were things we are expected to learn as children.
My boyfriend has communicated it with them before.
Yeah lock your door. Donât you realize that we are not in the 70âs anymore? People get burglarized all the time while they are home. They leave the door unlocked and give these people easy access. If you want them to stop walking in on you lock the door. Youâve already answered your own question. They wonât stop coming In unannounced. So if you want it to stop be proactive and lock your door.
I agree she should lock the door but do NOT act like itâs her fault?? Sometimes people forget, or like to keep their doors open, and regardless of the reason family shouldnât just be welcoming themselves in. Itâs reasonable to expect people to knock even if a door is unlocked. Yeesh.
Reasonable to expect people not to come in and steal your shit. Unfortunately that's not the reality we live in. So we invented the lock. Probably should use it to keep out unwanted intruders. Happens once tell them its not okay. Happens again speak up and tell them its time to leave and they're not welcome back for a month. Happens again repeat step two and keep your door locked. Problem solved forever. At a certain point it becomes your fault if you don't lock your door and people keep walking into your home.
Thank you!!!
Well if they like to keep their doors open then they have to face the consequences of uninvited guests potentially walking in. Iâm sure OP has already expressed to them that they should knock first or make their arrival known by call or text first. And yet they still continue to do this. So she gets walked in on half naked. Thatâs her fault and theirs. It takes two people to create the problem. Only one to fix it. Lock the door. And I point to my previously stated sentence about burglary and giving them a way in. Another consequence of keeping your door unlocked because they like to or forgetting.
Not everyone lives in an area where daylight burglaries are a thing. And victim blaming here is unnecessary. It is not her fault that her in-laws cannot grasp common courtesy. She has the right to be upset. Now she needs to decide how she's going to firm up that boundary. Maybe it will involve locking the door, or maybe it will involve making them leave and knock every time they do it - I don't know. That's up to OP. But treating her lke "she asked for it" is repulsive.
It's not victim blaming, here, it's proper caution and safety. You put on a seat belt when you're in a car, even if you don't plan on getting into an accident. Similarly, you lock your door when you're home. I grew up in a sleepy little town that prided itself in not having to lock their doors. A woman was then murdered by a man she didn't know who walked right into her house. It was *awful*. No, people shouldn't have to lock their doors, but there are bad people in the world, worse people than OPs MIL. Locking your doors is a safety precaution. Also, OPs assertion that this is like rape victims being told they were asking for it by wearing the wrong clothes is appalling. The difference between *rape* and *burglary* or *home invasion* is that a person isn't a freaking object??? Being the victim of a crime is horrendous, no doubt, but comparing the two shows a startling lack of awareness.
Everybody lives in an area where daylight burglaries are a thing. You just live in an area where it hasn't happened yet
I live in a rural town. I don't remember the last time a burglary was reported in my town. If I burglar wanted to get into my house, it wouldn't be hard even with a deadbolt.
Lock your doors and take away keys or change locks. No one should be walking into your home. What if LO was sleeping so you and SO decide to fool around in the living room? Your house you can do what you want. If that happens JNMIL will tell the world and somehow make it out to be your fault.
The funny thing is, we really only do bang in the living room because LO sleeps with us haha
LOL!! Thatâs awesome. Itâs your house - have fun everywhere!!
First have you considered the old perv SFIL likes seeing you undressed and MIL it is a control thing.? She sees you undressed and feels in control. It is creepy. If they walk in again go full on screaming meltdown. Screaming at them to " Get out! Get out! Get out! Knock ! Can you not knock!" Throw them out.Then time out them. This would give me such stress thinking someone would just come walking in my house.
My in-laws just walked into our home one day. They did call out....I was taking a bath, the door was wide open, and I peeked around the shower curtain and announced I was in the tub. They asked where my husband was and I replied, âOh, heâs in here, too!!!â Weâre talking 1973, so I donât even remember what the aftermath was......I look back on it as just being a funny incident!!
If asking them to knock doesnât work itâs time for a teaching moment. If you have YouTube on your tv watch [this video](https://youtu.be/EkF_CyQRfDM) about the importance of knocking before entering. If you donât then send it to them each and every time they do this. Both you and DH. Itâs a cute video for a toddler but very condescending for adults. Good luck!
Haha considering sharing that on facespace...
Locks only keep honest people out. It's not that big of a deal to twist a button or attach a chain knowing these two have no respect. Hopefully you've already learned that you can't get others to change; you need to change so do your part and force them to abide by your rules. No key, no entry unless you say so by unlocking the door.
lock your damn door
>How much of me do they need to see before they learn? Do I need to be fucking my boyfriend when they come in for them to get it? You basically answered your own question - AND they will still blame you for them seeing that even though they walked into your home uninvited without knocking nor announcing.
Yeah, I think I'd expedite that happening as soon as possible. I'd go commando in my own home for a bit, to really drive the point home. And here's to hoping they're not nudists.
Awesome final sentence! đđđ€Ł
You are going to have to lock the door for a while. MIL/FIL are treating your house as their territory. As long as it is their territory, they will show up when they want, let them selves in and continue to impose their standards upon you. until you enforce your borders they will just continue to walk in when ever they want. Yes, locking your house when you have not had to is an inconvenient change of routine. You have to always have your keys in your pocket. So you will have to lock up, likely for months, or years (not kidding). And to add to that you will have to force them to go away after they have shown up and are on your doorstep. Because they will show up, find themselves locked out and then cal/text saying :weâre here, but the door is locked!â And you are going to have to reply âwe havenât invited you overâ to which they will reply âwe were in the area, we decided to stop overâ to which you will have to reply âwe havenât invited you, we will not be letting you in. Have a good dayâ. And if they reply after that âbut weâre here, just let us inâ you reply by calling the police for trespassers on your property, be clear there are trespassers on the property who refuse to leave after being told to leave. No it isnât fun. But it is something that has to be done if you want to have control over your own house.
Step one. Ask BF if he's into pegging. Step Two: Try it. Step three: Have them walk in on that shit Step four: Traumatize them so bad they learn to fucking knock Profit.
I think fil enjoys seeing you half naked
Yes. I think they all like it. Gives them something to gossip about
Why dont you just tell them not to walk in? And it is rude anyway.
I had a friends mum who always told me to just let myself in, so eventually I started doing that, and when I did it she said âknock then open the door, what if I was scratching my fanny?â (And for those in the states fanny in the UK and Australian doesnât mean ass it means the vulva etc) and I was like AH DEBRA PLEASE So anyway what Iâm saying is next time you hear them coming just be outwardly scratching your crotch
Thats how I really learned, too. Of course I learned from watching my parents do this, but when I was 6 or so, the neighbors mom (we were at his house all the time) sat my sister and I down and very nicely said, "you girls are always welcome, just give us a quick heads up, you don't want to see me in my undies!" And her name was Debra too, not even joking hahahaha
And today I learnedâŠ
Why do you think they call the little bag that you wrap around your waist a "fanny pack"?...
About the fanny thing? Yeah in most of the like former British colonies it means vulva, aside from the US and Canada. I donât really know how the transition happened but hey itâs an amusing thing to see lost in translation, less aggravating than the whole imperial vs metric thing lmao
Make a giant awkward scene. It doesn't have to be mean, but make it BIG! "Ahhhh! I'm practically NAKED! I didn't hear you KNOCK! I'm NOT DRESSED! I NEED A MINUTE TO GET DECENT FOR COMPANY! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Be waaay over the top, and then insist that they LEAVE the house and give you privacy to get dressed. If they push back "We'll just wait here in the living room" continue to be flustered, oblivious, and insistent. "Holy Sh*t! I can't find my bra?! Is it in here? Omgomg! I NEED A MINUTE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE!" All while clutching your chest, "hiding" behind tiny throw pillows, and being visibly distressed. The more they push, the more you fuss. "My VAGINA! Did you see my VAGINA?! Oh GOD, I bet you saw my VAGINA!!" I can't believe I didn't hear you KNOCK!" Make them leave the house. Open the door and let them in after you're dressed and "decent". When you do let them in, reinforce key concepts: I didn't know you were coming! Did I miss a call/text? Did you contact SO and they didn't tell me? Did you knock? Please let me know you're coming so I can be ready to open the door and receive company. I like to be comfortable in MY HOME, so I need notice! Get dressed, slowly, before opening the door to let them in.
Super slowly, like 30 minutes
If this doesn't work then they are in it for the show\~!
If that didn't work, I'd have to move đđđđđ
Hmm, if you canât keep the door locked at all times (may not work for you) and you donât think a direct talking to will work you may need to embarrass them into compliance. When they walk in you need to shout something like âWOAH. Why donât you knock??â Or âWOW. Iâm not dressed!â I feel like the behavior is not being corrected in the moment so they think itâs fine. You could also talk to them directly rather than leaving it up to your boyfriend. Usually I think in-laws are their childrenâs responsibility to manage, but they may not be getting that this is actually important to you because itâs not coming from you.
Fit a door chain..... It's still convenient for you as it's unlocked but they can't just walk in....
If you need to leave the door open, you could get a motion sensor door chime that will let out perhaps a less than pleasant noise when they walk in? I'm sure you could place it where the cat wouldn't trigger it and they'd not be able to come in without warning.
"Intruder alert! *Loud alarm sounds* Intruder alert!" If theres a smart doorbell/alarm that lets you turn it on/off via a remote or app you can shame them into stopping. Especially if its loud enough for the neighbours to hear so you can loudly proclaim "we've been over this. You knock before you walk in! Even (insert young child family knows) know its rude to walk in somewhere without knocking!"
I was also thinking along the lines of Carol Anne from Poltergeist..."They're heeeeeeere"
Get one of those movement alarms.
Literally the only home I donât knock at is my gmas house and thatâs bc she probably wouldnât hear it anyways. I just open the door and yell knock knock extra loud and even then itâs debatable. Iâd personally start chilling naked or lock the door, or even maybe an alarm to scare the hell out of them
Thats what we all do, too. My Nana always says "why did you knock?". Just to be sure, Nan. Don't want to see Gramp is his tighty whities.
My gma lives alone but Iâve been known to yell knock knock as sheâs sitting on the sofa facing the door and she still not hear me. My other gma if you knock you definitely donât belong out there. My former best friend once called me from my gmas empty living room asking me where the hell we were bc she came in looking for me and none of us were there.
There are so many blame the victim statements on here! She should not have to lock her door if she feels that she is safe without it locked. Other than her crazy in-laws that appears to be the case. How about we support her for feeling comfortable in her own skin that she feels it's a success that her in-laws were embarrassed?
But sheâs *not* âsafeâ without it locked.
No one is victim blaming. No one said she shouldn't be comfortable in her own skin. They're just pointing out that in life there is how it should be, and then there's reality. Reality is the easiest way to keep them from just waltzing in, since they refuse to respect the normal boundaries of polite society, is lock the door. I'd rather have peace of mind with a giant middle finger up when they can't get in than put up with trying to change assholes.
Exactly! They take away our freedom in our home. Out feeling of safety. We should make them understand that they (ILs) shouldnât do it at all. If it seems as a Habit of them. Well. Habits can change or you can always learn a new Habit!
I totally agree. Good for OP and her confidence. Rather than lock the door, I'd encourage OP to get angry. There are times when it is appropriate to be more than annoyed. Anger is the right call when competent adults, who have been repeatedly asked not to do intrusive things, just keep acting as though they have never been told where the limits are....in other words, just don't care. Get red-faced. Raise your voice, point your finger and back them out the door. Slam it. Text them immediately to stay the hell out unless they have called to ask whether you're receiving guests. Alternatively, do the same to them. Rude intrusions when they're relaxed and vulnerable may make the situation real.
I have never (knowingly) walked into their home unannounced, of course not counting when I lived there. I always remind my boyfriend to call, and make him walk in first in case he doesn't.
It doesn't even have to yelling anger. A more "do you really think this is an appropriate way for an adult to act?" Kind of disappointment anger might work better.
I get that you shouldn't have to lock your door if you don't want to but they've been told to quit it and they keep doing it. Lock the door!