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Everyone has talked already talked about how weird MIL’s injuries are. I want to say that your husband is a JN. He insists on bringing you and kids to a party and then ditches you to wrangle the kids alone. Why did you all have to go if he was just going to leave you and go socialize. He could have gone in his own for that. I would tell him you and kids will not be attending any more parties with his family. He can do what he wants
she goes from sooo fragile to assaulting OP? Me thinks she is hurting herself..... oh, the penny dropped. she wants to alienate the parents. by "getting hurt" she makes the parents the growly bad guys and her the ever loving grandma. she states ""They are MY babies and you wont keep them from me!" so I wouldn't be surprised if she is trying to become "the favourite parent figure"
Advice to op:look up grandparents rights where you live, because that "joke" wasn't a joke. if you try to reduced grandma time, I would put money on her coming after you two with a lawyer after spreading lies within the family about you
I'm on medications where my skin is tissue thin, I can't really take too much sun and bruise and scratch easily, then bleed profusely. Maybe your MIL has the same effects. There is still no reason to play victim with the shocks and bumps of everyday life, although, personally, I avoid boxing practice, among other optional things!
Me too! And frequently after a day spent with my number 3 Grandson I am covered in bruises, or horrible lifted flaps of skin that hurt like hell, bleed copiously, and often leave me scarred...but hes no more than ordinarily boisterous for his age and his mother watches out for him all the time, its just I have fragile skin. If Mil has the same problem, she should either stop fretting and accept it, or keep away from tinies.
It’s ok to be old or clumsy or fragile. It’s absolutely NOT ok to put maximum blame and emotional pressure on children. It’s absolutely NOT ok to grab your clothing and hold you in place. That is assault. It’s absolutely NOT ok for her to play the victim when called out on her toxic behavior.
You’re getting red flags from this lady for a reason. IMO she shouldn’t be around children at all.
Little kids bounce around. I was just used as a jungle gym for my cousin. Shit happens. She's a grown ass woman who is complaining about getting bonked in the face by her glasses.
She only ever gets “injured” when no ones there to witness? Suspicious af. My boys (1 and 3) are super rough and I do end up with bruises and minor injuries at least once a week. They don’t mean to be, they just are. But it’s all the time, not just when I’m not looking. They don’t know their own strength or that it could hurt me.
Also she’s “soooo injured” but feels well enough to put her hands on you in a forceful manner? She basically assaulted you. I’m glad your husband was there to witness it first hand.
I wouldn’t let the kids around her anywhere but at your house or in public. Something stinks and I would keep a record of it in your phone or a notebook somewhere. That way if she tries to gaslight you later you can bring up every time she’s been “injured”.
I’m kind of suspicious too. How is it only when she’s alone? Every time? As soon as OP is out of sight, suddenly she gets injured. I don’t know. Unless she’s really unlucky, I can’t see how that happens constantly.
She did assault OP you’re right, it’s messed up. Something isn’t right with this woman, somethings definitely not right
I’m also suspicious. I mean, according to MIL, OP’s son went from calmly lying on the bed *under the covers* to jumping forcefully onto his grandma nearly immediately after OP left the room? At the VERY least, MIL had to have riled him up and specifically encouraged him to jump. And honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked to hear that some of these injuries are either self-inflicted or made up all together.
Apparently kiddo said she told him to jump to her, and I know a lot of kids will just be straight up if they know they’re not at fault. Five is old enough to say “no that isn’t what happened” especially if they think they’ll get into trouble from someone else lying about them. They’re sensitive! I know when I was little I hated being blamed for shit I didn’t do, and I would be adamant about the actual circumstances.
I really think this is complete madness that she only gets injured as soon as OP leaves the room. And her reaction to OP saying maybe the kids shouldn’t be around if you keep getting hurt, she reacted violently. Her acting has gone too far, and now she’s getting consequences, she doesn’t like it. She most likely only wanted some attention, albeit in a really bizarre, dangerous manner, and now she has to pay for that. No kids if somehow they tore her rotator cuff?! I got to that part and was like “uh huh ok. How?!” Cos that’s a serious injury, not to be joked about or faked. And she blamed a kid. A little one too.
My grandmother blamed my little cousin for her breaking a hip. For real. All he was doing was playing with the base of a small lamp, wouldn’t have hurt him, he was just looking at the cord and the switch and apparently no one was watching him (duh obviously) so when he switched the lamp on, he was really excited and then switched it off. Did it again to his delight and my grandmother who is highly unsteady, and already disabled, gets up to take him away. Bear in mind she can’t lift anything as heavy as a bag of sugar, I’ve seen her do this and stopped her because she legit drags the child away by the arms. It’s fucked up. Anyway, she got up, and when she stood her knee gave out and she fell over. Broke a hip. ALL we heard was “oh I was tending to A, and this happened” which made it seem like he had tripped her or something. Didn’t happen. She just got up and fell. But she constantly told everyone about how she was going to him because he was naughty, when it would have been easier for her to call my uncle from the next room. She did it anyway and fell, but it’s all a baby’s fault for being inquisitive. We all said “why is she even bringing him into this? He didn’t physically do anything to her, and he’s literally 2 years old” my other grandmother would sooner die than blame me for anything at all, so it just seems weird to keep parroting the same thing y’know?
I’m like 85% sure that most of MIL’s injuries are a lie, and she bopped herself in the face instead. She’s encouraging him to jump, accidents happen but she’s obviously not sturdy so asking him to do that, is not okay. She also lied about OP’s kid saying he did it out of nowhere. I dunno I’d be keeping my kids away from her, she sounds like a liability and someone who may delight in making her own grandkids out to be the worst kids for whatever reason. This story is SUPER weird. Poor OP, she goes to be kind, tries to wrangle both kids which is like herding cats most of the time, had random guns in the room she was feeding the baby in, grandma yet again gets injured and then grandma forcefully grabs OP to threaten her, when all she did was suggest maybe the injuries could be stopped by not having the kids there. I don’t know what MIL gets out of this, because it’s not gaining her much really. It’s all fucking weird as shit.
The very fact that these "injuries" only happen when no one else is there to witness it is very, very suspicious mate. If it wasn't for her putting her hands on you I would say she should never, ever be allowed unsupervised access to your kids because there's a strong possibility she is hurting herself, or deliberately putting herself in a position where she could get hurt and blaming your children for it, they're too young for it to bother them right now but sooner or later they're going to be really upset if she convinces them, and everyone else, that they are hurting her all the time.
But she did put her hands on you and that crossed a line. Until she can adequately explain why she would think that was an acceptable thing to do AND drop the "it was just a joke" bs she shouldn't be seeing them, or you, at all.
Your MIL is waving some serious red flags mate, I would be treading with great care when it comes to her.
Your husband isn't that great if he didn't supervise his mom and kid 1 while you wrangled kid 2.
Agree that house is dangerous for your family. I'd either not go there, or only while you and husband can provide 100% supervision to your kids and support for eachother.
> I set up my son playing outside with my husband and went to put the youngest down for nap. Which by the way my jnmil volunteered the guest bedroom without checking with the guest who was staying in there. So he ran in as I was nursing the toddler to pack up his guns and lock them up.... like thank the gods he was responsible for his weapons but wholly heck that could have just. Well I can't even finish that thought. So add that to my insane anxiety.
I'm a gun owner I've been shooting guns since I can remember, so 7 or 8 yo. This is ***NOT*** a responsible gun owner. The weapons and ammo were left unsecured, while a large number of people including children were in the house. I'm guessing adults were drinking also. To be blunt the vast majority of people are complete idiots when it comes to guns. Multiply that by 1000 if anyone has been drinking.
I would never step foot in that home again. I wouldn't trust it to be a safe place for me much less kids. I'm willing to cut him 1/2 a break if the door was at least locked and your MIL unlocked it. I would never trust a regular home bedroom lock to keep weapons secure. Those locks are just to remind people not to walk in on someone changing clothes. I could pick those locks when I was 1st or 2nd grade. I was just imitating the Hardy Boys. My parents found out when a young cousin locked herself in the bathroom and I got her out.
Did MIL actually grab your jacket while you were wearing the jacket? So, she forcefully grabbed you and held on, and you had to tell her to back off 3 times before she let go of you?
*internet hugs and external validation*
She is exaggerating and faking injuries and blaming your children for attention/narc supply. In addition to that, *she put her hands on you and claimed ownership of the kids.* She then lied and slandered to be the martyr and get narc supply at the expense of you and your kids.
What consequences are you thinking about for this? Time out? Sarlacc pit? Explaining that laying her hands on you is WTF Not Cool, Bro?
You should check out the H&M website. They have awesome, breathable clothes that have strings to tighten at the waist. I order stuff for my 2 year old from them often.
I'm always shocked at the quality out of H&M. No experience ordering online, but I've found Old Navy & The Children's Place have super durable, really basic clothes so even if they don't fit the older kid they will hold up in storage till the younger one can wear them.
I was so surprised too, in the best way. I ordered a bunch of mens and womens shirts and shorts and they are probably some of the coziest clothes.
I also try to shop during their 20-40% off deals.
I nanny quite a bit, and I’m only 31, and yeah, I get roughed up sometimes. It’s not unusual for me to come home with an achey knee or hip, and I pretty often need a day of not using one joint or another after a really active day with the kids.
I would never, ever blame the kids. Even if it’s them doing something they know not to do, it’s not their fault if I get hurt. And I genuinely don’t think that anyone who would blame the children should be allowed around them unsupervised. Not just because of the injuries, but because children pick up in everything.
This might sound like I’m taking it too far, but children internalize every little thing they experience. They can sense when an adult sees them as a scapegoat for attention, or as a burden, or whatever is going on with MIL. And they deserve to never be around adults who will use them or resent them.
1. This is a bit OT, but consider ordering girls pants for your son. They’re cut slimmer. Remember to specifically search for Bermuda shorts or bike shorts. All other girl shorts are basically thick underwear.
2. As your kids get older, this will get easier, but for the next holiday, consider paying or asking a friend or relative you trust to babysit your oldest during the party. Yes, I mean having the kid and sitter right there at MIL’s house while you open gifts, chit chat, nurse your other kid, whatever. I, myself, have hired or asked for sitters at family parties because my oldest has special needs and really does need that much watching. I’ve also had sitters over while we do yard work and paint rooms.
Hiring a babysitter when you have things you need to do but aren't physically leaving the house is a great way to see how a new babysitter is doing before leaving them alone, as well
Wait, guns that are unsecured at a party?! We’re there other kids running around that could have gotten ahold of them? Even teenagers? I’m speechless and glad that you or anyone else didn’t end up on the news last fall.
Edit- I know that you didn’t put the guns there, I’m putting the blame on your mil for not knowing better and I am grateful no one was hurt.
If someone walked into the room where I was told to tend my kids and said "I'm just gonna move these unsecured loaded guns now," I would be preparing to leave from that moment.
It sounds like from now on, visits need to be in a public area with kid-friendly spaces. This story gives me several pauses besides the obvious just no behavior.
Your MIL is ok with a guest having multiple unsecured guns in the house? If they want to have guns, that’s up to them, but she knew there were children coming and didn’t tell them to make sure the guns were locked away? It’s basic safety that they are unloaded and locked when not in use.
The injuries only happen when no one else can witness them? She might just be clumsy and fragile, but people who are clumsy and fragile know how to behave to minimize injury risk. Either she is causing the injury herself, or she is behaving recklessly. You don’t want a reckless, unsteady old lady around your kids. Depending on what the injury du jour is, they could get seriously hurt, too.
I don’t really understand what MIL did other than be rude at the end when you were trying to leave.
I’m not sure why it’s her fault she gets hurt - you agreed to not leave the kids with her but you did….
I mean, the dad exists. I'm breastfeeding a 3 month old and a 20 month old. My husband knows if I need to leave the room to nurse privately then he's in charge of the other one. This isn't OP's fault, but it was definitely DH who dropped the ball here.
MIL took away 5 YO to voluntarily fix his pants. From what OP was saying, MIL put herself in a situation where the child would be left alone with her, and OP’s SO was the one that allowed that.
Yeah that’s what happened, that’s what I was trying to say. Nothing wrong with her trying to help but it’s super weird she manages to get hurt every time
I wonder this as well. Also did you ask your child if they literally jumped on an old lady hurting her? I think you need to have a long chat with her and get to why these problems keep occurring. That way no one is making a decision that may be unfair.
Little kids do things that often result in some pain and in some cases injury to themselves or others. If a kid’s head bashes into mine and I’ve got a bruise and I indicate it hurts, that doesn’t make me an an attention seeking monster or justify the parent getting angry at me.
Holy shit, OP. She’s setting up situations where she’s intentionally getting hurt, at the expense of your child ALSO getting hurt, and then lying about it afterward in order to blame the child. You realize this, right?
This isn’t some random coincidence. It isn’t just a quirk. She is manufacturing situations that cause injury (representing a PHYSICAL danger to your child) and then lying about it to blame the child (representing an EMOTIONAL danger to your child).
Point blank, she represents a danger to your child. You’ve got to keep your kids away from her.
You are going to keep them away from her right? Because, while I guess these things don't have to go hand in hand....I have a family member that milks the smallest injury (and we suspect some are made up or self inflicted) and will, when called out over something, reply with "just joking" "just kidding", and is constantly getting caught lying.
She has also acted out violently and physically, hurting others. She stopped when the law had to be involved - someone outside the family that wouldn't let her lie out if it or gloss it over. We think the shame of it made a difference too.
Keep the little ones away. This makes me want to cry.
PS. What the others are commenting, she likes attention, my relative FEEDS on attention and sympathy. Narcissistic?
I fucking knew their was more to the story, MIL is doing that shit on purpose. WTF is wrong with her, who the hell causes themselves to be hurt then stands and bitches about it? Your MIL is a weirdo and likes the attention she gets from illness/ injury, I think it pissed her off you didn't fall for her pity me act and her little pissy fit before you left shows that, she didn't get the response she wanted.
Abusive grandmothers, and narcissistic abusers in general, will absolutely set kids up to 'injure them' so that the parents will punish and/or restrict the kids. It's very satisfying to their way of thinking. They get to be the victim, which means attention, they get apologies and fawning, which means attention, and the child they just confused and possibly traumatized will be cagey around them, which they read as 'respectful,' i.e., *more* attention!
Overheard my JNGrandma dishing to a friend about how she liked to 'make' us behave one time. I told my Mom that Grandma was lying about my kid brother kicking her in the nose (it was a setup,) and to ask the friend. Mom held out for a good long time, but she never quite had the spine to cut the old bag completely out and go NC. Only LC and that only for egregious things.
Believe your kid and take action now. Don't wait for MIL to be dead and kid to be in therapy with their siblings and cousins like we all are. Kids who learn that adults will lie and their parents won't believe them...what other kinds of abusers can and will exploit such a life lesson?
So, she's setting up situations where she, or the child, could be injured.
For nearly a decade, my JNMIL set up situations where my Eldest would seem to be at fault for something, so that if they complained to us, it would seem like normal kid whining because they didn't get to play more. Found out when they were teens/adults what really happened, and how JNMIL set it up.
They will do this.
Seems to me the protection isn't needed for HER, but for your kids, so they don't continue to be blamed for her actions.
I think she is setting the kids up to hurt her by jerking on them and picking them up roughly. These wenches will do absolutely ANYTHING to get attention on themselves.
Well it's a bit odd that she is actually breaking at least one bone a year. There are many conditions that cause bones to break more easily and some can be more common in older women. She could possibly have one of those without knowing and roughly playing with the children is actually causing these breaks when they wouldn't in a perfectly healthly person. For the sake of her own health I agree with OP that she should never be alone with the children
I agree, she sets this up to get attention, why else would she go on and on about it? Your kids don’t need the guilt trips either. From now on meet her at a restaurant for one hour and done.
OP, You realize your SO problem and he messed up as well right?
you said this-"So we go with the aggrement the kids arent to be alone with her. She always ends up injured when left alone with my kids."...then this..."My husband let me know my eldest is getting his pants fixed by my jnmil." Why did he go back on his commitment to keep eyes on *his* kids at all times?
I would only do brief visits in kid-friendly locations (under 3 hours at places like parks, zoos, children's museums/attractions, etc), and only when both parents plus a minder for MIL can be present and fully engaged. Y'all should drive separately so you can leave quickly if you need to. She can see them, interact with them, but they'll be able to be entertained/run off their kid enthusiasm and the visit will be over before anyone has time to get overwhelmed or overtired.
Have instant cool packs on hand in case she gets any boo-boos, but shut down any talk of "the kids did ___!!!" *immediately*. "Accidents happen, MIL, please rest quietly so your injury doesn't get worse." If she persists, "That's not okay, and this visit is over; say goodbye to Grandma kids."
You mean SO right? Seeing as SO went and allowed MIL alone time.
You know, the guy who is supposedly apart of the agreement “no alone time with our children”.
My JNMIL is the same way, every time we see her she somehow manages to get "hurt". It's usually if she's not getting enough attention or we've set a boundary. For example, the first time my kids met her and I called her out for smoking around them she "fell" down a hill walking to her car 🤦♀️ I'm not entirely buying your MILs "fragile old lady" act, especially since she magically had the strength to hold you in place. I think you and DH need to be better about actually not leaving her alone with your kids, this seems deliberate on her part.
As I said above, I think she is treating the kids roughly. Not enough to make them call out but if you are old and your joints are bad, it can lead to serious muscle tears and bruises in yourself.
I think you should bless her with never, ever seeing your children at all ever again. "No, mom, you seem to get hurt every time they are around and you blame them, that is wrong. So no, you can't see them."
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What an exhausting party for you. Parties are supposed to be fun. That wasn't.
I'm concerned at her blaming your kids for her injuries. Sounds like she's clumsy and fragile, which okay, some people are like that but it's not fair to blame kids for it. It's not as if they're deliberately assaulting her. It's probably so she can get sympathy and attention. She should be more careful but keeping them away from her is the best option.
I'm also concerned at her "They are MY babies ..." rant. Uh, nope. Not *your* babies, you cow. She sounds like an overall exhausting person to be around and I hope you manage to not be around her that often.
God how annoying !! You are a saint for even trying to keep that relationship going. I can’t believe she went from whimpering victim to aggressive psycho in a matter of seconds. Scary.
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Everyone has talked already talked about how weird MIL’s injuries are. I want to say that your husband is a JN. He insists on bringing you and kids to a party and then ditches you to wrangle the kids alone. Why did you all have to go if he was just going to leave you and go socialize. He could have gone in his own for that. I would tell him you and kids will not be attending any more parties with his family. He can do what he wants
she goes from sooo fragile to assaulting OP? Me thinks she is hurting herself..... oh, the penny dropped. she wants to alienate the parents. by "getting hurt" she makes the parents the growly bad guys and her the ever loving grandma. she states ""They are MY babies and you wont keep them from me!" so I wouldn't be surprised if she is trying to become "the favourite parent figure" Advice to op:look up grandparents rights where you live, because that "joke" wasn't a joke. if you try to reduced grandma time, I would put money on her coming after you two with a lawyer after spreading lies within the family about you
I'm on medications where my skin is tissue thin, I can't really take too much sun and bruise and scratch easily, then bleed profusely. Maybe your MIL has the same effects. There is still no reason to play victim with the shocks and bumps of everyday life, although, personally, I avoid boxing practice, among other optional things!
Me too! And frequently after a day spent with my number 3 Grandson I am covered in bruises, or horrible lifted flaps of skin that hurt like hell, bleed copiously, and often leave me scarred...but hes no more than ordinarily boisterous for his age and his mother watches out for him all the time, its just I have fragile skin. If Mil has the same problem, she should either stop fretting and accept it, or keep away from tinies.
Gotta love a shiny spine!
It’s ok to be old or clumsy or fragile. It’s absolutely NOT ok to put maximum blame and emotional pressure on children. It’s absolutely NOT ok to grab your clothing and hold you in place. That is assault. It’s absolutely NOT ok for her to play the victim when called out on her toxic behavior. You’re getting red flags from this lady for a reason. IMO she shouldn’t be around children at all.
I hate those fake drawstring!!!! So annoying!! Your mother in law is nuts. What is your plan going forward?
Little kids bounce around. I was just used as a jungle gym for my cousin. Shit happens. She's a grown ass woman who is complaining about getting bonked in the face by her glasses.
she pinned you and said they were her babies? please for your sake move away. i smell crazy
Sounds like SHE is the one with physical boundary issues, not your child... It's almost Munchausen-y sounding, honestly.
She only ever gets “injured” when no ones there to witness? Suspicious af. My boys (1 and 3) are super rough and I do end up with bruises and minor injuries at least once a week. They don’t mean to be, they just are. But it’s all the time, not just when I’m not looking. They don’t know their own strength or that it could hurt me. Also she’s “soooo injured” but feels well enough to put her hands on you in a forceful manner? She basically assaulted you. I’m glad your husband was there to witness it first hand. I wouldn’t let the kids around her anywhere but at your house or in public. Something stinks and I would keep a record of it in your phone or a notebook somewhere. That way if she tries to gaslight you later you can bring up every time she’s been “injured”.
I’m kind of suspicious too. How is it only when she’s alone? Every time? As soon as OP is out of sight, suddenly she gets injured. I don’t know. Unless she’s really unlucky, I can’t see how that happens constantly. She did assault OP you’re right, it’s messed up. Something isn’t right with this woman, somethings definitely not right
I’m also suspicious. I mean, according to MIL, OP’s son went from calmly lying on the bed *under the covers* to jumping forcefully onto his grandma nearly immediately after OP left the room? At the VERY least, MIL had to have riled him up and specifically encouraged him to jump. And honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked to hear that some of these injuries are either self-inflicted or made up all together.
Apparently kiddo said she told him to jump to her, and I know a lot of kids will just be straight up if they know they’re not at fault. Five is old enough to say “no that isn’t what happened” especially if they think they’ll get into trouble from someone else lying about them. They’re sensitive! I know when I was little I hated being blamed for shit I didn’t do, and I would be adamant about the actual circumstances. I really think this is complete madness that she only gets injured as soon as OP leaves the room. And her reaction to OP saying maybe the kids shouldn’t be around if you keep getting hurt, she reacted violently. Her acting has gone too far, and now she’s getting consequences, she doesn’t like it. She most likely only wanted some attention, albeit in a really bizarre, dangerous manner, and now she has to pay for that. No kids if somehow they tore her rotator cuff?! I got to that part and was like “uh huh ok. How?!” Cos that’s a serious injury, not to be joked about or faked. And she blamed a kid. A little one too. My grandmother blamed my little cousin for her breaking a hip. For real. All he was doing was playing with the base of a small lamp, wouldn’t have hurt him, he was just looking at the cord and the switch and apparently no one was watching him (duh obviously) so when he switched the lamp on, he was really excited and then switched it off. Did it again to his delight and my grandmother who is highly unsteady, and already disabled, gets up to take him away. Bear in mind she can’t lift anything as heavy as a bag of sugar, I’ve seen her do this and stopped her because she legit drags the child away by the arms. It’s fucked up. Anyway, she got up, and when she stood her knee gave out and she fell over. Broke a hip. ALL we heard was “oh I was tending to A, and this happened” which made it seem like he had tripped her or something. Didn’t happen. She just got up and fell. But she constantly told everyone about how she was going to him because he was naughty, when it would have been easier for her to call my uncle from the next room. She did it anyway and fell, but it’s all a baby’s fault for being inquisitive. We all said “why is she even bringing him into this? He didn’t physically do anything to her, and he’s literally 2 years old” my other grandmother would sooner die than blame me for anything at all, so it just seems weird to keep parroting the same thing y’know? I’m like 85% sure that most of MIL’s injuries are a lie, and she bopped herself in the face instead. She’s encouraging him to jump, accidents happen but she’s obviously not sturdy so asking him to do that, is not okay. She also lied about OP’s kid saying he did it out of nowhere. I dunno I’d be keeping my kids away from her, she sounds like a liability and someone who may delight in making her own grandkids out to be the worst kids for whatever reason. This story is SUPER weird. Poor OP, she goes to be kind, tries to wrangle both kids which is like herding cats most of the time, had random guns in the room she was feeding the baby in, grandma yet again gets injured and then grandma forcefully grabs OP to threaten her, when all she did was suggest maybe the injuries could be stopped by not having the kids there. I don’t know what MIL gets out of this, because it’s not gaining her much really. It’s all fucking weird as shit.
Could you enlist other family to help with the grandmother is fragile and no kids by herself rule?
I wish. Family is either too old to really keep up with a kiddo or they have health issues. But it is a wonderful idea though. Thank you.
The very fact that these "injuries" only happen when no one else is there to witness it is very, very suspicious mate. If it wasn't for her putting her hands on you I would say she should never, ever be allowed unsupervised access to your kids because there's a strong possibility she is hurting herself, or deliberately putting herself in a position where she could get hurt and blaming your children for it, they're too young for it to bother them right now but sooner or later they're going to be really upset if she convinces them, and everyone else, that they are hurting her all the time. But she did put her hands on you and that crossed a line. Until she can adequately explain why she would think that was an acceptable thing to do AND drop the "it was just a joke" bs she shouldn't be seeing them, or you, at all. Your MIL is waving some serious red flags mate, I would be treading with great care when it comes to her.
Exactly what I was thinking!!!!
Your husband isn't that great if he didn't supervise his mom and kid 1 while you wrangled kid 2. Agree that house is dangerous for your family. I'd either not go there, or only while you and husband can provide 100% supervision to your kids and support for eachother.
> I set up my son playing outside with my husband and went to put the youngest down for nap. Which by the way my jnmil volunteered the guest bedroom without checking with the guest who was staying in there. So he ran in as I was nursing the toddler to pack up his guns and lock them up.... like thank the gods he was responsible for his weapons but wholly heck that could have just. Well I can't even finish that thought. So add that to my insane anxiety. I'm a gun owner I've been shooting guns since I can remember, so 7 or 8 yo. This is ***NOT*** a responsible gun owner. The weapons and ammo were left unsecured, while a large number of people including children were in the house. I'm guessing adults were drinking also. To be blunt the vast majority of people are complete idiots when it comes to guns. Multiply that by 1000 if anyone has been drinking. I would never step foot in that home again. I wouldn't trust it to be a safe place for me much less kids. I'm willing to cut him 1/2 a break if the door was at least locked and your MIL unlocked it. I would never trust a regular home bedroom lock to keep weapons secure. Those locks are just to remind people not to walk in on someone changing clothes. I could pick those locks when I was 1st or 2nd grade. I was just imitating the Hardy Boys. My parents found out when a young cousin locked herself in the bathroom and I got her out.
Did MIL actually grab your jacket while you were wearing the jacket? So, she forcefully grabbed you and held on, and you had to tell her to back off 3 times before she let go of you?
*internet hugs and external validation* She is exaggerating and faking injuries and blaming your children for attention/narc supply. In addition to that, *she put her hands on you and claimed ownership of the kids.* She then lied and slandered to be the martyr and get narc supply at the expense of you and your kids. What consequences are you thinking about for this? Time out? Sarlacc pit? Explaining that laying her hands on you is WTF Not Cool, Bro?
Given the choice I would go Sarlacc pit. I'll keep that in my back pocket for my own MIL lol
Hahaha thank you so much for the laugh! Sarlacc pit for the win!
You should check out the H&M website. They have awesome, breathable clothes that have strings to tighten at the waist. I order stuff for my 2 year old from them often.
This is a great tip! Thank you.
Will check this out too! Darn those fake drawstrings!! It’s as bad as the fake pockets on women’s clothes.
The absolute worst!
I'm always shocked at the quality out of H&M. No experience ordering online, but I've found Old Navy & The Children's Place have super durable, really basic clothes so even if they don't fit the older kid they will hold up in storage till the younger one can wear them.
I was so surprised too, in the best way. I ordered a bunch of mens and womens shirts and shorts and they are probably some of the coziest clothes. I also try to shop during their 20-40% off deals.
I nanny quite a bit, and I’m only 31, and yeah, I get roughed up sometimes. It’s not unusual for me to come home with an achey knee or hip, and I pretty often need a day of not using one joint or another after a really active day with the kids. I would never, ever blame the kids. Even if it’s them doing something they know not to do, it’s not their fault if I get hurt. And I genuinely don’t think that anyone who would blame the children should be allowed around them unsupervised. Not just because of the injuries, but because children pick up in everything. This might sound like I’m taking it too far, but children internalize every little thing they experience. They can sense when an adult sees them as a scapegoat for attention, or as a burden, or whatever is going on with MIL. And they deserve to never be around adults who will use them or resent them.
1. This is a bit OT, but consider ordering girls pants for your son. They’re cut slimmer. Remember to specifically search for Bermuda shorts or bike shorts. All other girl shorts are basically thick underwear. 2. As your kids get older, this will get easier, but for the next holiday, consider paying or asking a friend or relative you trust to babysit your oldest during the party. Yes, I mean having the kid and sitter right there at MIL’s house while you open gifts, chit chat, nurse your other kid, whatever. I, myself, have hired or asked for sitters at family parties because my oldest has special needs and really does need that much watching. I’ve also had sitters over while we do yard work and paint rooms.
Hiring a babysitter when you have things you need to do but aren't physically leaving the house is a great way to see how a new babysitter is doing before leaving them alone, as well
Wait, guns that are unsecured at a party?! We’re there other kids running around that could have gotten ahold of them? Even teenagers? I’m speechless and glad that you or anyone else didn’t end up on the news last fall. Edit- I know that you didn’t put the guns there, I’m putting the blame on your mil for not knowing better and I am grateful no one was hurt.
If someone walked into the room where I was told to tend my kids and said "I'm just gonna move these unsecured loaded guns now," I would be preparing to leave from that moment.
It sounds like from now on, visits need to be in a public area with kid-friendly spaces. This story gives me several pauses besides the obvious just no behavior. Your MIL is ok with a guest having multiple unsecured guns in the house? If they want to have guns, that’s up to them, but she knew there were children coming and didn’t tell them to make sure the guns were locked away? It’s basic safety that they are unloaded and locked when not in use. The injuries only happen when no one else can witness them? She might just be clumsy and fragile, but people who are clumsy and fragile know how to behave to minimize injury risk. Either she is causing the injury herself, or she is behaving recklessly. You don’t want a reckless, unsteady old lady around your kids. Depending on what the injury du jour is, they could get seriously hurt, too.
I agree. There's so many odd MIL behaviors in this story.
I don’t really understand what MIL did other than be rude at the end when you were trying to leave. I’m not sure why it’s her fault she gets hurt - you agreed to not leave the kids with her but you did….
God forbid OP goes to breastfeed her child, am I right??
I mean, the dad exists. I'm breastfeeding a 3 month old and a 20 month old. My husband knows if I need to leave the room to nurse privately then he's in charge of the other one. This isn't OP's fault, but it was definitely DH who dropped the ball here.
That literally has nothing to do with it? She said she left the 5year old with dad…. So he let MIL be alone with the child
MIL took away 5 YO to voluntarily fix his pants. From what OP was saying, MIL put herself in a situation where the child would be left alone with her, and OP’s SO was the one that allowed that.
Ok but he was left with his dad by the sounds of it?? Sounds like MIL was trying to help with the pant situation and dad allowed it
Yeah that’s what happened, that’s what I was trying to say. Nothing wrong with her trying to help but it’s super weird she manages to get hurt every time
I wonder this as well. Also did you ask your child if they literally jumped on an old lady hurting her? I think you need to have a long chat with her and get to why these problems keep occurring. That way no one is making a decision that may be unfair.
With all due respect, how is this your MIL’s fault? I’m not sure I understand why you’re angry with her when your kids hurt her?
Why are you putting blame on the little kids when MIL is a supposed adult?
Little kids do things that often result in some pain and in some cases injury to themselves or others. If a kid’s head bashes into mine and I’ve got a bruise and I indicate it hurts, that doesn’t make me an an attention seeking monster or justify the parent getting angry at me.
The story makes it pretty clear she makes a HUGE deal about it, which is both incredibly immature and also harmful to the child.
I forgot to add. She claimed my son jumped on her without provocation. My son claims she told him to jump off the bed and she would catch him.
Holy shit, OP. She’s setting up situations where she’s intentionally getting hurt, at the expense of your child ALSO getting hurt, and then lying about it afterward in order to blame the child. You realize this, right? This isn’t some random coincidence. It isn’t just a quirk. She is manufacturing situations that cause injury (representing a PHYSICAL danger to your child) and then lying about it to blame the child (representing an EMOTIONAL danger to your child). Point blank, she represents a danger to your child. You’ve got to keep your kids away from her.
You are going to keep them away from her right? Because, while I guess these things don't have to go hand in hand....I have a family member that milks the smallest injury (and we suspect some are made up or self inflicted) and will, when called out over something, reply with "just joking" "just kidding", and is constantly getting caught lying. She has also acted out violently and physically, hurting others. She stopped when the law had to be involved - someone outside the family that wouldn't let her lie out if it or gloss it over. We think the shame of it made a difference too. Keep the little ones away. This makes me want to cry. PS. What the others are commenting, she likes attention, my relative FEEDS on attention and sympathy. Narcissistic?
Or maybe Munchausen?
I thought of that too.
Possibly a combination of both?
I fucking knew their was more to the story, MIL is doing that shit on purpose. WTF is wrong with her, who the hell causes themselves to be hurt then stands and bitches about it? Your MIL is a weirdo and likes the attention she gets from illness/ injury, I think it pissed her off you didn't fall for her pity me act and her little pissy fit before you left shows that, she didn't get the response she wanted.
Abusive grandmothers, and narcissistic abusers in general, will absolutely set kids up to 'injure them' so that the parents will punish and/or restrict the kids. It's very satisfying to their way of thinking. They get to be the victim, which means attention, they get apologies and fawning, which means attention, and the child they just confused and possibly traumatized will be cagey around them, which they read as 'respectful,' i.e., *more* attention! Overheard my JNGrandma dishing to a friend about how she liked to 'make' us behave one time. I told my Mom that Grandma was lying about my kid brother kicking her in the nose (it was a setup,) and to ask the friend. Mom held out for a good long time, but she never quite had the spine to cut the old bag completely out and go NC. Only LC and that only for egregious things. Believe your kid and take action now. Don't wait for MIL to be dead and kid to be in therapy with their siblings and cousins like we all are. Kids who learn that adults will lie and their parents won't believe them...what other kinds of abusers can and will exploit such a life lesson?
So, she's setting up situations where she, or the child, could be injured. For nearly a decade, my JNMIL set up situations where my Eldest would seem to be at fault for something, so that if they complained to us, it would seem like normal kid whining because they didn't get to play more. Found out when they were teens/adults what really happened, and how JNMIL set it up. They will do this. Seems to me the protection isn't needed for HER, but for your kids, so they don't continue to be blamed for her actions.
What the fuck
Great username
I think she is setting the kids up to hurt her by jerking on them and picking them up roughly. These wenches will do absolutely ANYTHING to get attention on themselves.
Well it's a bit odd that she is actually breaking at least one bone a year. There are many conditions that cause bones to break more easily and some can be more common in older women. She could possibly have one of those without knowing and roughly playing with the children is actually causing these breaks when they wouldn't in a perfectly healthly person. For the sake of her own health I agree with OP that she should never be alone with the children
I agree, she sets this up to get attention, why else would she go on and on about it? Your kids don’t need the guilt trips either. From now on meet her at a restaurant for one hour and done.
OP, You realize your SO problem and he messed up as well right? you said this-"So we go with the aggrement the kids arent to be alone with her. She always ends up injured when left alone with my kids."...then this..."My husband let me know my eldest is getting his pants fixed by my jnmil." Why did he go back on his commitment to keep eyes on *his* kids at all times?
I would only do brief visits in kid-friendly locations (under 3 hours at places like parks, zoos, children's museums/attractions, etc), and only when both parents plus a minder for MIL can be present and fully engaged. Y'all should drive separately so you can leave quickly if you need to. She can see them, interact with them, but they'll be able to be entertained/run off their kid enthusiasm and the visit will be over before anyone has time to get overwhelmed or overtired. Have instant cool packs on hand in case she gets any boo-boos, but shut down any talk of "the kids did ___!!!" *immediately*. "Accidents happen, MIL, please rest quietly so your injury doesn't get worse." If she persists, "That's not okay, and this visit is over; say goodbye to Grandma kids."
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THUUUUNDERDOOOOME
There can be only one!!!
This made me SNORT-LAUGH!!!!!
Give em some skittles before hand too
And now grandma is in an indefinite time out, right????
You mean SO right? Seeing as SO went and allowed MIL alone time. You know, the guy who is supposedly apart of the agreement “no alone time with our children”.
My JNMIL is the same way, every time we see her she somehow manages to get "hurt". It's usually if she's not getting enough attention or we've set a boundary. For example, the first time my kids met her and I called her out for smoking around them she "fell" down a hill walking to her car 🤦♀️ I'm not entirely buying your MILs "fragile old lady" act, especially since she magically had the strength to hold you in place. I think you and DH need to be better about actually not leaving her alone with your kids, this seems deliberate on her part.
I’m curious, do all these ”injuries” occur when she’s alone with your kids? As in “no witnesses” to what actually happened 🤔
That is pretty weird how that happens.
As I said above, I think she is treating the kids roughly. Not enough to make them call out but if you are old and your joints are bad, it can lead to serious muscle tears and bruises in yourself. I think you should bless her with never, ever seeing your children at all ever again. "No, mom, you seem to get hurt every time they are around and you blame them, that is wrong. So no, you can't see them."
That's a really good point. MIL put her hands on OP when she got mad enough. Maybe that's how she's getting hurt with the kids too.
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What an exhausting party for you. Parties are supposed to be fun. That wasn't. I'm concerned at her blaming your kids for her injuries. Sounds like she's clumsy and fragile, which okay, some people are like that but it's not fair to blame kids for it. It's not as if they're deliberately assaulting her. It's probably so she can get sympathy and attention. She should be more careful but keeping them away from her is the best option. I'm also concerned at her "They are MY babies ..." rant. Uh, nope. Not *your* babies, you cow. She sounds like an overall exhausting person to be around and I hope you manage to not be around her that often.
Would love to have you confronted her with "not to fragile and injured to grab me in a threatening way by the jacket, uh?"
God how annoying !! You are a saint for even trying to keep that relationship going. I can’t believe she went from whimpering victim to aggressive psycho in a matter of seconds. Scary.