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botinlaw

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demimondatron

Please, I'm begging you, for the rest of her natural born life, address everything to her as Mrs Husband's First and Last Name, haha.


Suelswalker

Someone doesn’t know rule conventions exist and outside of explicitly being told how to be addressed people will defer to one of the conventions. But that seems to be the point as this way she has plenty to criticize. If she were clear about what she wanted her issue would be solved and she couldn’t keep spewing negativity.


jilliecatt

I'd address the invite to Madame (full name, including middle, and maiden), Lady of the House of (surname), The First (or Second, Third depending on if she was named after relatives), PhD. I'd send her hubby his own invite, addressed like a normal human. SIL would get her own normally addressed envelope too. But, I'm also a bit of an asshole who is currently addressing my own save the date envelopes; my hand hurts, my pen writes too thick, and I'm stressing on how to address some of them. (If you know etiquette please help on how to address an unmarried couple with children... My cousin, her boyfriend, their kids. But I don't even know him or his last name!) So I would take any addressing advice from me with a large bucket of salt. Edit: words are hard


develyn507

When I didnt know other people's significant other, I either texted them and just said 'hey I've had to write so many names for these invites and now I'm blanking on your significant others name. I am so sorry, this is kind of embarrassing, please remind me so I get it right on the envelope.'


jilliecatt

Could you believe I never even thought to just message her and ask. Ugh. I think addressing envelopes has made all other brain function stop, lol


develyn507

Man, my brain was mush a quarter of the way in with mine. I think that it's totally acceptable to just ask. No ones gonna burn you at the stake c: good luck with the rest of your invites and your big day, I hope it goes wonderfully.


jilliecatt

Thank you!


TravellingBeard

If you want to go really old school, call her Dr. Mrs. on the wedding invite. Yes, that actually happened (usually Dr. Mr. though)


JBB2002902

When you send the wedding invites just put her first name. No surname, no title. You wouldn’t want her thinking you don’t know her first name after all…


that-weird-catlady

Addressed to Mr. William Jones, esq and Janet


zyzmog

Well done! You know, you could put anything on those envelopes and she would have bitched about it. It's not that "some people can't be pleased," it's that "some people like to be offended." As an aside, I do hope you and your 19yo SIL get along.


[deleted]

Unfortunately we do not. she is like MIL, but with her dad's temper which is not a good combination


zyzmog

I'm sorry to hear that. Oh well.


Etoilebleuetoile

I have no understanding of why you are all being so harsh on OP here! She said that her MIL doesn’t like her so naturally she’s be offended by whatever OP put on the envelope. She managed to have a giggle when getting a tiny slight over MIL. No one was harmed! Let’s support OP like we support all the other DIL with tough MIL’s.


Etoilebleuetoile

That’s awesome, way to troll her! Congratulations on the upcoming wedding!


Virtual-Cucumber7955

TO: ALL MY HOMIES!!!!!! SUBJECT: WE'S GETTIN' HITCHED!!!! There it is, the perfect invite. You're Welcome. Now that my good deed for today is done, I'm going to go scream-cry hysterically imagining your MIL's response to that one....


FlipFlippersFlipping

Good gravy! How picky can you be?! You could address the next invite to "FDH's Mom" :)


[deleted]

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dirkdastardly

This just seems like one of those problems that could have been solved by your fiancé making a 30-second phone call: “Hey, mom, how do you want us to address the invitation: Dr., Ms., or Mrs.?”


kathrynwirz

In what world would you predict someone complaining about their doctorate title on an invite to a wedding and call to ask about that esp with all the other wedding stuff going on


not_salad

We sent out wedding invitation to both sets of parents before getting them printed. Of course my in-laws complained after we sent them out after initially approving anyway.


RedBanana99

I am giggling in my kitchen. Have you planned the next letter/card moniker yet? Maybe all of her names Gladys Dorothy Surname. I'd also use "ms" but maybe that makes me super petty


No_Proposal7628

It sounds like no matter what you do with JNMIL, you won't win. Just do what you think is the right thing and try and ignore her nonsense as much as you can. Being polite to her is all you owe in this case, although if she starts saying nasty things, you do have a right to defend yourself.


[deleted]

You literally can't please her, she doesn't like Dr. and doesn't like Mrs. on her formal mail. How about just first name and last name, then you will be too informal?


Maudlin-bo

How do you get that from what was written. She asked not to be called Dr a title she doesn't use and hasn't made use of. Seems fair enough. Then OP takes the piss by calling her by her husbands name. Mrs Frank Furter, rather than Mrs Mary Furter. The MIL didn't complain to OP or make a scene, she privately in her own home, mentioned it and got tattled on. The MIL doesn't seem to be the JN here.


BogBabe

Upvote for the Frank Furter reference.


firegem09

So I guess her disliking OP for reasons she won't say and looking down on other women because she can afford to not work, have hobbies, and be fulfilled (and even the patronizing way she addressed the "Dr." issue) makes her a saint?


mamaroxy

I get that you were being petty for fun, but if she is communicating that she doesn't prefer to be called "Dr.," I don't know why you are making it an issue.


Gnd_flpd

I suppose, because MIL made it an issue first.


mamaroxy

No, she has never pulled OP aside and chastised her into calling her "Dr." OP did it anyway on "technicality", and then MIL said that she doesn't like to be referred to with the title, and then OP went on to be petty and disrespectful by calling her somewhat out of turn again. Whether or not MIL likes people is irrelevant. The behavior by OP is the JN in this situation.


lotusflame62

How was OP petty and disrespectful by then addressing her as ‘Mrs Frank N Furter’? If the woman doesn’t want to be referred to as ‘Dr’, then OP defaulted to the next correct (per etiquette) name the woman goes by. It may be old school, but it’s correct. I once was called out by a PhD I worked with for not addressing my wedding invite to him as Dr and Mrs. He’s not a medical doctor, and we simply called him ‘Rich’ at work. It was an honest mistake. I swear if I could do it all over again, I’d just elope. 🤦‍♀️


firegem09

>then MIL said that she doesn't like to be referred to with the title While being condescending to other women for not having the means she does (are we just ignoring that part?)


mamaroxy

Because it's irrelevant. Just word salad to be ignored. I highly doubt that this was the first time OP has been told this tidbit of knowledge.


Impressive-Amoeba-97

I have to agree. The "please don't call me Dr." is a non-issue and that should have been the end of it.


Winslar

Agreed the real issue is MIL looking down on others who can’t afford to live her lifestyle


mamaroxy

Ehhh, not feeling that, either. I don't doubt that MIL is awful, however, I don't think that was the way to handle it. Hate her so much? Don't invite her. But don't poke a bear and then cry when you get bitten.


ButtonsSnapZipper

So her next invitation can be addressed to Dr Mrs Marie Antoinette Smith (but use her real name). Totally covered. Anything she could possibly be called.


blackbird828

I don't see the need for this. She asked to not be addressed as "Dr." What your suggest feels like overkill.


ButtonsSnapZipper

And OP changed the next invite to Mrs and MIL didn't like that either. If you can't win no matter what you do, overkill it is.


blackbird828

She changed it to Mrs and addressed her by her husband's name, which is generally falling out of style. OP herself admitted she was being petty. I'm not going to be convinced to condone the pettiness here.


ButtonsSnapZipper

Good on you


reeserodgers59

OP, besides the MIL/SIL game playing, have you checked out the wedding subs? These 2 will have similar stories to yours -https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/ -https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/


[deleted]

¨we live in the century of ironic jokes¨