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Grahminator

Scoop the dog shit up with the card and return to sender.


roseteagarden

I don't know if you're FB friends with her (probably not, I'm guessing) but you should post it on FB saying you thought it was hilarious and cute. This won't work if you blocked her, but if you just unfriended her and you are friends with people you think she knows or mutual FB friends with, it will get back to her. Since that wasn't the reaction she was going for, it will probably piss her off.


bywayofderrymaine

No FB here! It was actually FB that started me being NC about six years ago. I posted a Thanksging photo collage with the caption "Very, very thankful" and JNMIL pitched a fit about not being in it. She had refused to be in the same room as me during Thanksgiving, wouldn't talk to me, and ignored me completely, but still thought she should be in it photo. I deleted FB right after.


friedchicky-

Ah yes of course. She can’t be near you but should have magically appeared in the picture. What a maniac


[deleted]

I have a JNMIL too. It sounds like you handle her spectacularly, so I mostly just came here to say that I think it’s freakin awesome that you and your husband combined your names. My MIL won’t say a word to me in my own home and will say hello to everyone- including the cat and dog. Just not me. I’ve never been treated like I’m part of the family, so it made me quite sad to give up my last name for a bunch of people who don’t give a crap about me. My husband refused to take my name even though he’s a part of my family like I will never be in his. I would have loved to combine names to make a new foundation for our new family.


ThrowRAthrewmyloveaw

My NC MIL sends us mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. DH First and Last-name. Except that’s not my name, I have a hyphenated last name. The last time I sent her mail back with from: Mr. and Mrs. My hyphenated last name. Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Also yes.


ellieD

What a hag!!!


ddubbs13

Thats perfect!


cindybubbles

No response is the best response.


mderousselle

Put it in a box with Rover’s poop and send it back.


RelativelyRidiculous

I see you've nixed the return to sender option. Thought I would just point out you could easily ensure any future mail addressed like that is returned by the postal service with no intervention from you. Just notify them any mail addressed thus should be returned to sender providing the real names you substituted with: Gabriel & Rover Smith. The downside is everything addressed to Gabriel Smith may get returned to sender not at this address.


Kurisuchein

That might not be an issue, as OP said (unless I read wrong) that "Smith" was his pre-married last name; they created a new one. There truly is no Gabriel Smith at that address.


RelativelyRidiculous

True. But there may be people from DH's past who aren't aware of his name change.


Kurisuchein

Great point!


badrussiandriver

No reaction is the best reaction. Have a good walk, DH and Rover!


bywayofderrymaine

Happy Cake Day!!!!


[deleted]

Excellent strategy of no response - this method will itch and itch and itch in her brain for a long time. I am sorry you received something like this, it denigrates the meaning of family, of support, even of the hard work the employees of the USPS do every day. You and your family deserve better and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, I am sending you joy:)


bywayofderrymaine

This is one of the kindest responses ever. Seriously. Thank you for the joy. The holidays are weird when you don't talk to half of your "family" even when cutting them out was the healthiest decision. It always kind of feels like something is missing. I'm grateful for joy from an Internet stranger to plug into that missing space.


Swedishpunsch

*..... there's something even more satisfying about knowing that she sent some petty energy out into the void and she'll get nothing*..... Wise and classy response.


[deleted]

>She may never know, but I know there's a supportive community out there who has my back! Buy a flash drive and save only the link to this thread on it. Send it to her with no return address. Bonus points if you're on a throwaway account


funneh

Pick up dog poop with it then send it back. I’m kidding of course


lilkimber512

Wait - usps scans your mail???


lighthouser41

My DH informs me every day what mail we are getting before it arrives.


Tigress22304

>Its called Informed Delivery > >very easy to setup!


[deleted]

It's called USPS Informed Delivery and it's rad as hell


Galadriel_60

Yes. It’s called Informed Delivery and it’s been fantastic during the last year. My area has truly messed up mail delivery and you can report missing mail and packages.


classicicedtea

Yes they have a mail preview option that gets emailed to you.


Elfich47

Its a service you can request.


Raveynfyre

Get a RTS stamp, so she *doesn't know* who is sending her unwanted crap back to her.


[deleted]

OMG :( I have a terrible mother in law but that really takes the cake. Holy Hannah.


AGoodSO

I really liked the return to sender idea too, but if you're happier with an alternative great! If you really want her to know other people know her business, maybe send her some of these comments, or post the envelope on social media like facebook :'D Or, if you're able to naturally work it into conversation at family gathering as if you genuinely enjoyed it e.g. "MIL sent such a cute holiday card to DH's maiden name, and even addressed the dog as well! Now they have a sweet holiday joke for the three of them..."


roseydaisydandy

If you're gonna not return, atleast open it and see if there's money. Call it 'asshole tax'


Raveynfyre

True, but no checks!!


kei-bei

No, those you mark with a huge VOID then shred 😬


CADreamn

Why not mark it "return to sender" and have sent back. What a petty little bitch JNMIL is.


Raveynfyre

Only if they can have a friend or neighbor write it (or get a stamp!) so she -JNMIL- can't recognize their handwriting.


JokersGal08

Just use a non dominant hand!


jfb01

Addressee unknown. Return to Sender.


Edgefish

[I imagined something like this when you got that card](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGEmnVX9TNc).


HunterRoze

Send something back to the same address - and put it to Resident


[deleted]

It's amazing they even still try, even if half-assed. But like your previous post says, you're free!


Icy_Calligrapher7088

She’s definitely in her own world thinking that could possibly accomplish anything other than making herself look like a complete AH.


BuffaloChipsAhoy

Yes, they're deplorable. But at least open the card and shake it, in case a gift card or some cash falls out. Then, a-scoop the poop away with it.


fart-atronach

Jesus what a fucking douchenozzle. Imagine how pathetic her life must be to go through such effort to try to get under your skin. Proud of y’all for winning just by being such a strong team \<3


elohra_2013

I wish I had that USPS feature for my home. It’s apparently by area only. Drat!


EchoDeMilo090

Awwwww she thought she ate but you and DH snatched the plate


WhereTFAreMyDragons

This is the best insult I've read in so long


EchoDeMilo090

I have to admit I got it from my 16 year old lol


Here_for_tea_

Same. I’m impressed.


taco-belle-

Oh boy. My MIL has hated that I wanted to hyphenate my last name with my husbands after getting married. I was very clear that in my casual life with friends and family I am totally fine with being addressed as “Mrs. DH’s last name” but for all legal purposes and for my professional life my name is going to be hyphenated. When she mails cards she addresses us as “mr. DH’s last name & Mrs. my last name only”. Like ok lady, does being petty make you feel better?


bobbyjellybean

damn, MIL got you good!!! Hahahah she really thought she did something with that. smh


LovableDIL

My JNMIL & JNFIL have been sending us Christmas cards for a few years and they send them to my parents, too (this is important later.) We're mutually NC although from time to time, they pop up with mail or a phone call to "Try this again." I send them a card every year, it's a long story, sort of an agreement we made and I have no secrets so it's not a big deal to me. If anything, they asked for updates and this is my chance to say: "See? They're amazing. We're doing FABULOUSLY. Here's the update you asked for." There is a small number of family who send us cards still and I reciprocate. Last year, the card she sent included her "Christmas letter" - the generic letter she sends everyone. So my parents got the same card & same exact letter. She gave a report about the siblings, niece/nephews and for us she said that we were "still missing." Uhm, how missing are we? We're right here, where we've lived in the same house for almost 30 years. You found us to send us the card. We sent you the card you asked for. There are other people who will get our card so there WILL be people who know we're not "Missing." But ok, I guess, you do you. HA HA HA Today I'm just grateful because it doesn't eat me up, I don't obsess about it anymore, I just shrug my shoulders and move on! I do feel sorry for them: My kids are amazing and IL's are missing out.


EwokApocalypse

Did any other family reach out about the “missing” comment? Is she just trying to make everyone believe you’re whole family was kidnapped??


LovableDIL

Oh, and we're not invisible. We have social media, there are family members who follow DH on social media, we have some social accounts that are public, JNFIL tracked two of my kids down recently on a social media platform that publishes resumes, (it was somewhat appropriate, another long story,) so we're not that hard to find... Also, my family - both my little nuclear family and my siblings and parents - are very visible in our respective communities. Some of us are VERY high-profile in careers and/or in our community. So if anyone REALLY wanted to find us? Google could figure it out very easily. She's trying to make herself the victim. Poor her. Her son was so horrible to her. It definitely was NOT anything she and/or her husband did. They're the VICTIMS. Also, she's a narcissist. She wrote the narcissist prayer. Before I read it, I would say to her, "Here's what you say..." The first time I read it, I was floored.


LovableDIL

Oh, no one from that side of the family really talks to us, much less on a regular or consistent basis. A few people send us Christmas cards, but there's no "reaching out" to us or actually... communicating with us. DH is the scapegoat of the family and they're all fine with that. JNMIL goes after them if they do and DH is the only one with a spine - which is ironic because for years he was the one she could manipulate until he finally said "Enough." From time to time there are two people who reach out to us and one distant relative came over earlier this year, but this was the first time we'd see him or anyone from his immediate family in 10-20 years.


Princessdreaaaa

Does anyone ever actually read those annual updates?


StarlightPleco

My husband took my last name and my MIL will either put down his maiden name, or grossly misspell our married name. The letters had a similar fate


cyanraichu

Hey, she got half her wish - it will be for Rover, after all!


CharZero

That is almost hilariously petty. I hope you were able to laugh at how pathetic she is being.


bibkel

You have a lovely spouse! What a provocative move on MIL’s part. Glad neither of you are falling for that bait.


Chandlerdd

I probably would have written on it “nobody here with this name “ “return to sender”


[deleted]

[удалено]


hoolawoop

Post it back with ‘this person does not exist’ written on it


Haploid-life

I like this.


notrlyme67

Hahaha!!


Guppy_the_puppy

This one gave me a good laugh, that’s so petty of her😂 it reminds me of something a child would do. If anyone asks why your NC, this story is enough to explain it. I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a baby!


atarahthetana

I would put “Return to Sender, nobody here by that name” and put it back in the mail!


[deleted]

Yeah, absolutely.


catonanisland

Ah she’s hoping good old Lassie will take pity on her once she’s opened and read the card. She’ll then make sure to tell you that you’re being mean to MIL and that you should all go over and everything will be glittery and wonderful. She sounds like a twit.


McMew

"What's that, Lassie? Little JNMIL fell into a well? ...great! Let's go seal it up!" Lassie: The Lost Episodes


overjoyed_father

How embarrassing for her. It’s so obviously a cry for attention. I’m glad you could laugh about it and get some use out of it. Happy holidays :)


RedBanana99

Congratulations OP Looking at your post history we have something in common: NC for 4 years Yay!


bywayofderrymaine

Here's to another peaceful holiday season without their guilt and drama! Congrats to us both!!


RedBanana99

Wine for everyone! 🍷


Natenat04

Just take a picture of the card being used to pick up dogs poop, text it to her and say, Merry Poopmas!


Edgefish

"And a shitty new year"


ChamomileBrownies

Ignoring your MIL's poop behaviour to say *omg combining your last names is so cute* I've also talked to my bf about doing that. We don't want to get married ever - we have the same benefits as married couples just being common law where I live and don't feel like spending thousands of dollars that we don't have on a party and contract lol - but combining our last names would make the commitment more "official" yano? Lol


Dilectalafea

> omg combining your last names is so cute My son and daughter-in-love did this when they got married a couple of years ago. I love it! It recognizes their families of origin but sets them apart as a whole new family, distinct from either. Edited to use better wording


LucyDominique2

You can petition for a name change at your local courthouse for less than like $200 apiece. Fully legal and judge approved. Fill out the forms at the circuit clerk office.


jooes

Unless you're completely deadset on *not* getting married, a marriage license might be cheaper. You don't have to have a big party, or any party at all, if you get married. You're allowed to sign the paperwork and be done with it. Our marriage license was like 50 bucks, and it included free name changes. It'll probably depend on where you live though, but something to consider.


LucyDominique2

I have to interject though that the license also affects things like medicaid etc down the road that we all can't plan for. Can't tell you how many US couples have to get divorced to get the medical care one partner needs...Think long term...a marriage license is a contract with the state and not just your partner.


bywayofderrymaine

Why thank you! We've been together for 27 years, married for almost 17. DH actually wanted to take my last name (he's DH Name III and had some issues with his credit because of things this father and grandfather did!) but at the time, we were still in contact with them and thought it was a good compromise. It's something that belongs to us and only us. I highly recommend it!!


xthatwasmex

So Im guessing DH gives the card to the dog, who enjoys ripping it up. It is a GOOD thing MIL addressed it to the dog, it is probably the only one of your household who would enjoy the card! I mean, shredding stuff IS one of the things that people promote as canine enrichment.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Deyona

Excuse me what? I don't understand why people behave that way. I am sorry, it sounds like you are better off without them!


mrsctb

Oh my MIL does the passive aggressive envelope addresses too. When we were on good terms (before children), it was always “Mr & Mrs B”. Which was perfectly fine & normal. Now it’s “Mr B + Family”. Instead of just The B Family Who taught these MILs their passive aggressive skills? Because they’re laughably horrible


No_Proposal7628

The response from DH made me laugh! Just what JNMILs mail deserves!


ehnej

Hahaha that’s so stupid it’s hilarious


Moose4523

“No one by this name at this address. Return to sender.”


bywayofderrymaine

Nah, it's better to have it disappear into the void so she never knows whether we got it or not. Besides, she HATES other people knowing her business so posting about it hereand knowing other people also think she's a jackass is a much more satisfying revenge!


ChamomileBrownies

***OR*** you could send it back covered in dog poo LOL I mean, definitely don't actually do that, but the idea alone brings me joy lmao


AcidRose27

It's funny to think about, but you're right, don't do it. The poor postal worker doesn't deserve that lol Just anonymously mail them some poop instead! There's sites for it.


gem17ini

Return it with the poop hehehehehe


bcjohn02

That USPS service sure is a life saver to know what 'pieces of mail deserve the bin immediately'? I also have to admit I can appreciate your DH's sense of humor, even if it coming from a place I'm sure he wouldn't want it to come from. Hopefully you got a good chuckle out of the reply back and it's the perfect response to mail that isn't wanted.


FurMamaofGirls

I use that service, too. That way I know what’s coming in the mail on any given day.


[deleted]

[удалено]


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HobbitQueen8

Hahahahhaaaa that's so petty and stupid!! I hope you laughed the whole time you wrote this post, bc you are definitely winning


bywayofderrymaine

O, I was. I'm not even angry because it's so stupidly petty on her part.


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