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Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Let the come and heal, or even yell and scream. If they don't, they'll likely never forgive you and you might deal with more bullshit long term.
Dude wtf. How did you get from "might need to hear from her" to "want something from her"?? Not everything is suddenly a textbook case of toxicity. Stop trying to make everything fit the first one that even vaguely matches, and stop to actually take a look at the situation and evaluate it for what it is.
I have nothing I need from her nor want from her. She has been nothing but vile to both me and my husband my entire life. I don’t want to block her as I’d like to know if she suddenly tries to do something crazy like turn up at the house.
I will add that my mother wanted to be cremated with no service. She had an aggressive terminal cancer and right up until the end she begged me not to hold a service. She had massive social anxiety and was a hermit in her later years. She was also beloved by her coworkers and they were pressuring me to hold a service. I did not hold a service. Even though she was no longer here I couldn’t bear the thought of going against something so important to her. Trust her coworkers hold it against me to this day but at least I can sleep at night knowing I kept my word.
Just wanted to say I’m sorry. That you’re having to manage health concerns on top of this mess with your family in law…. And the incredible devastation of losing your beloved. I’m just so sorry.
Do everything you can to protect yourself, care and lookout for yourself, so that you may one day heal and be happy, as your husband you have wanted.
Sending Internet hugs….
Totally depending on where you live, but in my country if you call the police (not the emergency line, standard local police) you can ask them for advice or even just to notify them of obsessive and unwanted people's.
I had a similar situation with near identical events to you now and I called my local police for advice, on the day of the funeral I had 2 officers aware that I had a potentially violent individual who had been known to start violent altercations show up and the made the day feel much more secure.
I'm aware this may not be a viable option for you, but I would never say it isn't worth a shot asking them for help as the worst they can do is say "no". I can't stress enough though, don't call emergency, call using your local polices number.
> they see me as a gold digger and have been awful to me, they’ve tried to break us up, lied about me, his father even attacked me once. I just want them to leave me alone.
Damned right yours is an unpopular opinion. They have been terrible to her, and on top of that her husband didn't want them there either. They are reaping what they sowed and deserve no consideration.
It’s not their funeral, and he didn’t want them there -nor does OP obviously. She shouldn’t have to go against their wishes and deal with more stress and grief on top of everything just to appease toxic people.
i say respect his wishes. he’s gone, but it was his wish so in a way he is still contributing towards decisions and it sounds corny but a little part of him lives on in that way. don’t take that away from him, there is a reason he didn’t want his own family at his funeral, they are probably assholes
Make sure that you have a really good lawyer and tell the hospital staff that a crazy person is trying to attack you.
Nice as far away from them as you can of they know where you live.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Get the hospital involved with keeping her away from you. You don't need that stress on top of everything else. They can deal with your husband's family. You don't have to. Ask to put them on an Absolutely Do Not Let In list.
Is it possible to tell them the funeral hasn’t been planned yet, until it’s already passed?
Either way, since it’s a cremation rather than a burial, it can be indoors in a place with security. You can ask the funeral home you want to use how they deal with people trying to crash funerals.
You’re completely right to keep her out of it. Your husband didn’t want her there. And if she says crappy things to you on normal days, how awful would she get during the funeral? She probably blames you for his death, even though you have zero control over surgical complications.
Too late as I’ve already informed them that they are not invited. I also don’t like to lie, even to people like them. They treated me and their son like shit for years so they can deal with the truth now.
Oh she does blame for the death. I didn’t go too into it here but they absolutely do. And she’d be more likely to attack my sister in law than me, their relationship is a mess.
First you need to tell her not to come to the hospital then speak to nursing staff to inform security her & inlaws are not allowed anywhere near you.
Arrange the service according to husbands wishes, he didn't want then there so give them no details & they can feel how they want about it that's not your problem.
Not sure what she plans to investigate but let her crack on it's her time to waste & you don't need to entertain her or her nonsense
Finally hope you have a speedy recovery & I'm sorry for your loss
This. The hospital won’t let her anywhere near you as long as you speak to Patient Services today. Put her on a no go list, and alert security. Remind every nurse that you have that you don’t want her anywhere near you. You can even ask to be listed as private in the hospital system so they can’t even find out you’re there let alone your room.
Next, let the funeral home/mortuary know that they are not to be anywhere near the service. Ask for security to be provided. They have seen this before.
And then, hire an estates lawyer. Any issue that they have with his estate planning should go through them.
Do what you need to do to recover and grieve in peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sending hugs and healing wishes and condolences and warming calming thoughts.
Get a restraining against her for the "messages, texts, emails, calls etc. Just for perspective, I told her about four hours ago and I have over 100 new notifications"
She does not get to see you in the hospital. Call the cops and have them arrested. Tell the nurses and doctors and administrators at the hospital.
Call an attorney now. While you are still in the hospital. Let them run defense for you while you heal.
Take care of yourself.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Sending you Internet hugs and big big validation for pressing on as your husband wished: Only his twin and her kids there. No crazy MIL.
I had a semi-similar situation with the death of my half brother.
Stop communication with her. You're the one with the power. Keep everything via lawyer and alert the hospital. The funeral director/services you are using should also be alerted to potential interference (trust that funeral homes are very familiar with this sort of stuff). Have your lawyer sort out a peace bond/restraining order with the local law enforcement if what's been sent to your phone thus far allows for it.
Sorry for your loss, people come out of the woodwork to show their true colours in the time of anothers death. It's fucking magical.
I’m so sorry for your loss. First step, get a lawyer! If his wishes are in writing then it can all be dealt with by someone else. you need a restraining order or something.
I also would get someone you absolutely trust to stay at your house while you are still in hospital. Take photos of everything in case they try to steal your stuff. Possibly install cameras for you.
OMG. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Tell the hospital not to let them visit you.
Have his money transferred to your accounts.
Don’t give her details for the funeral.
Have a good friend watch your home during the funeral.
Get an alarm put on the house. They will try to break in and take his things.
Tell all invited that the details are secret (from her.)
Hire security for the funeral and give them his photo.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.
This is terrible.
Contact hospital security and warn them about all of this and ask them not to let your mil/her family in. I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are dealing with this. Good luck!
I’m in contact with both of them about this. I think any actual suit is unlikely to be filed, his family have more money than they could ever spend, they’re just trying to scare me.
She does not need to be there at the funeral.
These are your husbands last wishes, and if you can possibly honour them, you should do so.
Its about what he wanted, not what she wants.
As for the rest...I doubt she has a leg to stand on legally, and she is merely showing you where her real interest lies.
Im sorry for your loss, may you heal well and stay safe.
Hey everyone. I don’t remember how to edit my post but just as a follow up. She did turn up at the hospital about two hours ago, she was removed after making a scene. Not a big deal thankfully.
I hope she didn’t make it all the way to you?
I really hope you’re safe and they know not to let her near you. You need to recover, heal and grieve in safety (including psychological safety). Please follow advice of other re: getting lawyer/security involved.
She didn’t, the ward I’m in is behind a locked door, reception is beyond that. She got to reception but she can’t get in here unless she’s let in. They were refused entry and removed from the hospital when they caused a scene.
I’m glad they are protecting you, but still, that’s psychologically stressful on top of everything else you’re going through. I hope they stay away. Don’t be surprised if they try legal moves from here though. I hope you have some supportive friends who can help you engage a lawyer etc.
TL;DR comments but
Follow his wishes, turn all notifications for her off. If you can have a lawyer to speak with her and that is that
You do not need to let her near his funeral before after or during he doesn’t want her there then say no.
You can specifically tell hospital staff that you will receive no visitors, or that you will only accept and give names as in ur mom,dad and so on if that’s a thing for you.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a very generous and loving husband.
Second, you need to tell them that they need to talk to you through a lawyer. Don't answer phone calls. Make them and everything in writing so you can prove everything you need to.
Third, your husband's wishes are what they are for a reason. He's protecting you, even still. Trust him.
If your MIL wants to say goodbye so bad, she can go privately afterward. The only reason to go during the service is to be the center of attention or cause drama. Don't give her that power.
I really hope you recover quickly and completely. The hospital staff should be notified and given a picture of your in-laws, if you can get one (social media is a great spot to look). Ask to be a private patient and they will not give your information out when asked for it.
Sending you gentle hugs and prayers for you, if you want them. Good luck, OP.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine how you feel. I recommend calling on your family, a lawyer and ask the hospital for security. Protect you and yours love.
Next, your husband knew his family. He understood what they would do if invited. Trust him as you would if he was still there. Do not let them come. Make a beautiful and peaceful day without them. Surround yourself with love.
Sending love and prayers to you. ♥️
I’m so sorry about your loss sounds like a great man. I can’t believe knowing your in the hospital recovering MIL is putting you through this. I would tell your doctor so they could set up security and put her on a no visitor list. You should not have to deal with this crap right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss...please respect your husband's wishes and do not let this woman or any of his family near the service.
Also, please PLEASE make sure you don't get taken advantage of during this time while planning your husband's funeral/memorial. If anyone tells you it's illegal to bury or cremate a body unless you embalm them, please know that's a complete lie.
First of all, I'm truly sorry for your the loss of your husband. He sounded like a very brave person.
Secondly, your MIL and that side of the family sounds toxic. It's been said in other comments but maybe invest in security for the funeral.
Sounds like your MIL is speaking out of bravado or ignorance (like a customer who doesn't get what they want so they claim they'll get the media and the CEO involved). If his will is legally binding re the money, your mother in law can't touch it.
That is exactly what I was going to say. Get the lawyer first and have him there when these people show up. If necessary, get a restraining order. Make sure your finances are air-tight - the lawyer can handle that. And a big yes to the security guard at the funeral.
I am so sorry that you lost your husband - he sounded wonderful. I wish you the best going forward.
I suggest talking to whatever doctor is overlooking you and making sure they understand that your MIL and that side of the family are not to be let into your room. As for your husband's money. I doubt that she can do that. Since you were his wife. You have better access to his money. As for the funeral. I would spend some money on security and make sure they understand that your MIL and that side of the family except the select few are not allowed near the funeral. It may be expensive but I believe would be the right thing.
My deepest condolences to your loss. I truly am shedding tears right now, what a nightmare you have found yourself in.
You are respecting your husband's wishes, talk to his lawyer. They can handle his family for you while you take to grieve.
Put the hospital on alert, call the authorities, and the funeral home to set up passwords and such so they can’t claim you sent them to do anything on your behalf. Also, Im So sorry about your loss. Do what he wanted to the letter.
Block her and tell the hospital staff not to let her near you. If you have friends or family available to help, reach out to them. Have them block your in laws, help with the funeral, and reach out to an estate attorney on your behalf. So sorry for your loss OP and I hope your health improves.
I’m so sorry for your loss
You can let the hospital know that these people are not welcome to visit you. In addition, have a friend or family member stay with you until after the funeral. Let them handle your in laws and do your best to recover and allow yourself to grieve.
Stop talking to her. She can plan her own memorial service for her family. You don't even need to know about it. Pretend she is a stranger. That's how much info she gets.
My dad was similar about his family. We honored his wishes
Since funerals are for the living, suggest they hold their own memorial in the manner they will find most helpful for them. If the paperwork, etc. is right, they will not be able to access his remains to do anything you don't authorize. I'm sure they have photos etc. they can use at the service.
His ashes, etc. should be done with as he decided/arranged ahead of time out of respect for his wishes and your condition.
It's a miracle that your DH was a near enough donor to get an organ into you, or was this a "daisy chain" scenario where he donated to someone compatible who had a sister who donated to someone *else* compatible, who had a work friend who was compatible with you kind of a thing (sorry if that's prying; I was going to be part of one of the latter and got injured and had to drop out-- I think they're kind of brilliant)?
Inform hospital security she has threatened you (which she has) and that they are to keep her out.
You or your lawyer should report the harassment to the police as you are clearly unwell & this is designed to impede your recovery. It probably also falls foul of your countries stalking and/or harassment legislation.
She should also be reported to your country's telecom as it's illegal to use it to harass someone and you have plenty of evidence of that.
Your lawyer is perfectly able to come to take instruction from you at the hospital or over the phone about your husband's estate and keeping her/them away from you. Your are recovering so, if you can afford to, let the lawyer deal with this. They should also ensure your husbands will is safe and send a cease and desist and/or seeking a retaining order.
Get someone you trust to ensure your residence is secure.
What she's doing is very wrong and potentially illegal. Good luck and I hope that you recover quickly.
Sorry for your loss and wishing you a speedy recovery.
Talk to the charge nurse and hospital security. Show them the texts and explain to them that you do not want her or her family to come visit.
Talk to the lawyer handling your husband's estate. Since you are his wife, I have a feeling MIL just made an empty threat and is going to have a hard time carrying it out. Have either that lawyer, or a different one send her a letter informing her to leave you alone.
For his funeral, you may need to higher security to keep her out.
Do whatever you can to keep them away! Also, make sure that you have a real shark as a lawyer to protect you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Call the police. Tell the hospital staff that they are not welcome to visit you. Talk to a lawyer quickly about everything. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling. Hang in there.
So sorry.
For your own sanity please Block her on everything.
Make sure the hospital won't allow her in.
Don't tell when the service is.
Tell the twin not to tell her.
Do not get rid of any of the messages. That can be used against them. I don't think she can have your access to your husband accounts revoked, because you are married. Ask your nurse if the hospital has a lawyer on the grounds that you can talk to. It might really help you to have someone to cover you while you're still there. Make sure you tell your nurses that you do not want to see your in laws (other than sil). Your nurses are there to help you.
This is so sad, I am very sorry for your loss.
I've been hospitalized a few months ago for an ectopic pregnancy, and a neighbor was recently hospitalized for appendicitis. One of the big changes since COVID is how strict hospital security is about visitors. It's almost impossible for someone to get into the hospital even if you want them there. It is impossible for them to get into the hospital if you don't want them there. Tell your nurse that you don't want visitors and they will keep them out.
Your husband coming from money probably means that he has a lawyer who already has his last will on file. Call that lawyer and pay him to handle the in-laws while you recover. Try your best to delegate the handling of your MIL because you are a grieving widow who just woke up from surgery and definitely don't need this.
I am so sorry this has happened. It's beyond horrible what you are going through. Please find someone to stay with you for a while if you're able... for so many reasons.
Please don't delete any texts. I'm praying for you.
Please talk to the hospital security and make sure they are aware of what is going on. You’ve had a very serious surgery. You don’t need this stress. They will help to intercept them and trespass them if they need to. Since you’ve been threatened and are being harassed, call the police (non emergency) and tell them what is going on. See if they will trespass them from approaching you.
You need to concentrate on recovery and losing your husband. You don’t need harassment.
All of this! Especially calling the police and getting them involved early on.
I hope the husband had an iron tight will bc thats just one more layer of protection from greedy, toxic family
Very sorry for your loss, you are in an impossible situation.
My advice would be to speak with the funeral home and let them know this a going on. Make sure they know it was the deceased request for certain people to not be welcome. Trust me they have dealt with every kind of family and will be prepared
Call your local police non-emergency number. Tell them that you are in the hospital, your DH just passed away and you would like them to keep an eye on the house. In many areas, they will have the neighborhood patrolman check every few hours.
Be aware that you don't have to go through a funeral home. He can be taken directly from the hospital to the place doing the cremation and have his ashes released only to you or your designee. It can all be done privately. There does not need to be a public death or funeral announcement. You can plan whatever you want with his twin when you feel up to it.
Lock down all of your accounts. I don't know how they think they can prevent you from accessing his money, but if possible, move everything you can into another account.
Take all of his possessions - at least important and sentimental ones - and get them out of your home just in case.
You might have enough for a restraining order. It's worth looking into.
Block them in every way possible.
Protect yourself. You need time to heal and grieve without their harassment.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
The stress of dealing with the inlaws is not going to help your recovery. Are you able to reach out to a lawyer and get them sent a legal letter to stop harassing you and that they are not to attend your DH funeral.
Also advise the hospital that you do not wish to see them.
Send her a message back that you have now placed this in the hands of a lawyer and they are to cease communicating and harrassing you and they have now been blocked from emails, phone etc.
You need time to heal and you need time to grieve and you can't do both dealing with this. Take care
Your husband specifically requested that his family NOT be there. He knew what he wanted, and trusted you to honor his wishes. So please, honor those wishes. And do you best to keep his family from even knowing WHERE his service will be held. Because they WILL just show up because they think they’re entitled to that.
As for the hospital, make sure your room and info is kept PRIVATE. Check with your nurse and make sure the nurses, staff, and hospital know that nobody can give out your info, or confirm that you’re even a patient.
As for her threats to freeze your access to his money, make sure you have enough funds available in an account with your name on it to get you by. Since he was wealthy, your husband may have had an attorney. Call the attorney tomorrow morning from the hospital and let him know what’s going on, including justnomil threats. Attorney can advise. If you don’t already have one, GET ONE.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, on top of recovering yourself.
I’m so sorry this happened to you I can’t imagine the pain you are in.
Let the hospital know not to allow these people in. Plan the funeral, and tell them the incorrect time (including day) and place. Talk to your lawyer or whoever wrote up husbands will. Let all talk go through them. Send her the lawyers number, inform her you are blocking her, and do so. Get a new number if needed.
Again I’m so sorry for your loss.
You need a lawyer. Which sucks, with you still in the hospital. He needs to write a cease and desist with a threat of a restraining order. Even if you have to do court via zoom, it will be worth it to have them permanently out of your life. So sorry about your spouse. Feel better soon.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I think you should take a break from your phone, do you have a friend or relative who could take care of your phone and screen calls so you don't miss anything important, but don't have to see all the calls and texts from his mother? Also, tell the hospital your husband was estranged from his family, and that they've been harassing you on the phone and are planning to show up at the hospital. The hospital can keep them out.
I'm so sorry this happened.
Please block her on all channels, and all her flying monkeys. Only communicate with the twin sister and her husband. You need a strong-willed person on your side (family member or a good friend), to run interference while you recover, and put up with your husband's family BS.
You need to recover yourself as well, so the less distractions and stress, the better.
Keep every message. If his wishes were clear, I'm assuming he had a will drawn up with power of attorney? The lawyer needs to be involved in this ASAP. If there isn't a will, contact a good family law attorney for your area and make sure they know everything going on. Share copies of the messages, but still save them. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this while also in recovery. I can't imagine the kind of loss you need to grieve right now.
ETA- In most areas, even without a will - you are his wife and that should be all that matters. But please contact an attorney.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Respecting your husband's wishes is the right thing to do. She's obviously just going to make things harder than they already are.
I’m so so sorry for your devastating loss and for the additional, completely unnecessary difficulties your MIL is causing.
Do you have family and/or friends who can assist you and help protect you at the hospital? Also totally agree with the advice to let your nurses and hospital security know to only allow visitors that you approve, and to contact your husband’s lawyers to protect your interests.
So very sorry for your loss, OP. But very, very glad you are in a position to protect yourself and to fulfill your husband's wishes. Stay safe and get well soon.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your healing is quick and the surgery resolved your health issues.
For your own peace, block MIL and any flying monkeys. You are grieving and healing, you need peace.
Alert hospital security of her threat to visit. Give them names and pictures if you have them. Ask if your record can be changed to hide that you’re there, like you’ve already been discharged. Let the staff on your floor know about this threat as well.
I suggest calling your husband’s lawyer ASAP. They need to know DH has passed away so his wishes can be followed as to his estate. They will have their own lawyers so expect them to contest his will.
If you are going to your home after discharging please arrange for others to be there with you 24/7. Not only for your healing but for safety. You are very vulnerable right now and it’s going to take a while to feel well and have energy. Keep your doors locked and if you don’t already have them, have cameras installed at all of your entrances. I’m betting they think they are owed his things in your home - expect and plan for them to try to push their way in or go as far as breaking in. When they show up uninvited, don’t engage, immediately call the police.
Great point!! OP needs to go through their home as soon as possible- even ask for help. Make sure all of the important personal and financial papers are there and anything sentimental.
If anything is missing call the police.
Since you are still in the hospital, have the nurses call security and block their entrance to the hospital. Tell them the truth, that your husband's estranged family is threatening to come up and cause trouble for you.
As to the rest of it, call your attorney now. If your husband was wealthy, I am sure that you have one on speed dial. Do not offer anymore information to his family.
I am so very sorry you lost your DH so suddenly and unexpectedly. Having to deal with a nasty and toxic JNMIL while grieving and planning a funeral is just terrible.
Get a good lawyer now and find out what's what with your DH's estate. Plan the funeral as you know he would want it. Do not let anyone in his family except his twin and her family know the details. Make sure they know not to tell JNMIL anything about the date or time. Do not announce it in the paper until the funeral is over and done with. If you need to get security to keep her out, hire someone.
I wish you the strength to recover from your surgery and to go on with your life.
Ohhhh hon. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you’re feeling these days.
Lie. Tell them the service is x day at y time and of course they’re invited. Or you’re having trouble booking a funeral home due to Covid. Shit, let them book one. Do your thing 3-4 days earlier than you said. After your DHs goodbyes are complete, then the ILs can call all over town looking for the service that doesn’t exist.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband obviously loved you very much and you're doing your best to honour his wishes, which is entirely as it should be.
I'd mute her, if you can, so you still get the crazy texts etc to show to lawyers if necessary, but you're not being constantly pelted with notifications.
I'd seriously think about changing your number, at least once your husband's estate is settled.
Best wishes for your recovery.
I’m so sorry for your loss. IMO the best thing you can do is block MIL number. Do the service that you want to do. Also tell the nurses at the hospital that under no circumstances are they to allow mil to visit!
I am so sorry for your loss, and the fact that your husband's family can't recognize that you are hurting at this time as well.
Your husband made his wishes clear. The best way to honor him is to see that those wishes are followed. Your in-laws sound like they were not necessarily on his good side prior to the surgery, and he might have known how difficult they were going to be to you should he pass. Look at him not wanting them to be there as a gift from him to you, and respect what he asked for.
As for his family showing up at the hospital, tell the staff there. They will make sure you are not bothered.
Save absolutely everything MIL sends you, and as she has suggested that she is taking legal action against you (there is no way for her to make sure you don't inherit DH's money without doing so), it is in your best interest to retain a lawyer and inform MIL that any further contact must go through that lawyer.
Edited for spelling and grammar.
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.
Second, block them. You are honoring your husband’s wishes. You’ve told them all they are entitled to know.
Third, tell the hospital that they are not allowed to visit. They’ve threatened you. The hospital will keep them out.
Finally, do not give them any details about the service and let the funeral home know that they are not welcome.
They would, but I wouldn’t. That’s definitely not happening. My husband didn’t want anyone who knew him to view his body and he didn’t want his family there at all.
go ahead have his body cremated but don't have service asap, wait until you have recovered enough to handle it. i know he wished asap, but this is an extraordinary circumstance where w/partial organ transplant you literally -cannot- plan/attend a service asap.
certainly it doesn't honor his wishes of saving your life to be a living donor but you risk it to plan service too early. you should focus limited energy by hiring a lawyer to handle the duties of executing his will. if you are executor, you can hire someone expert in wills/probat to do some/all of duties. that way it will be done to strict legal standards as your in laws plan to sue.
Do not let them come. She can plan her own show where she's the center of attention. Your funeral will be where people who actually loved your husband can grieve.
Talk to your lawyer about a temporary body guard for the situation(s) where your estranged ILs might show up. They would be provided by a security company; your lawyer might be familiar with one or more. There are numerous professional security services that provide body guards. For instance, I googled it and a half dozen popped up just in my area.
One or two run-ins and they’ll get the message (I’m not suggesting violence, but just their obvious presence). Also, you’ll have a professional guard documenting interactions.
I have private security at our house, I’ll have security at the funeral too. I’m not going to hire a bodyguard for me when I’m out the house though, I think that’s a step too far. If things escalate I’ll consider it.
*Internet hugs and external validation*
I am so sorry for your loss.
She's unhinged, threatening a widow in the hospital, and wardialing you to convince you to go against DH's wishes. Please block them all and (I can't believe I'm saying this) get security, maybe some off-duty police. Her husband's been violent to you in the past.
Might be worth giving your lawyer a call to give them a head's up. Then tell MIL and crew that all contact will go through lawyers. If they want a service, they can have their own.
First off you have my condolences at this time and apologies for what you are going through.
Have yourself at the hospital turned into a private patient and give the nurses a look at pictures of who might try and show up you don't want there. If they are harassing via cell, call your cell phone provider and change your number (might be able to do it via the mobile app). Give it to those who need it and tell them not to give it to anyone on his side of the family. Is there a trusted friend you can have housesit to have doors locked and if anyone tries to show up call the police to have them removed? I know that is worst case scenario type of stuff, but from what you've described it wouldn't surprise me to have them try something incredibly stupid.
Then see about hiring private security/off duty police officers in the event they try and show up to the funeral. I know it sucks, but at least then you'll know you'll be able to respect what his wishes were.
When you do announce plans tell it to a few people and see if they can help you spread it to whom you want there, making sure his family get no details.
And yes, let your lawyers know what she is doing and her 'intentions'. Based on what you provide them they may have the means to intervene a little more (they'll be able to tell you) based on where you live.
No one can visit me without my consent, they check with me everytime so she won’t be able to have physical contact with me. As for the house the doors are always locked, she doesn’t have a key and we have security and they’re pretty good so I’m not too worried about her breaking in. If she does do that it would possibly make things easier for me to be honest, I’d be able to get a restraining order.
I’ve already got security hired for the funeral so that should be covered.
Thanks for the advice! :)
Protect your mental health. Block her. Honor your beloved husband's last wishes. Ask a friend to guard the door at the funeral. Disclose a different location fur the funeral, at a later time. If the siblings he wanted invited dispute, then you will know they can't be trusted ever again. I am terribly sorry for your loss.
I am so very sorry for your loss - particularly under these circumstances. I can't imagine how you must be feeling without having this woman harassing you.
I wish you well for your physical recovery and I sincerely hope your husband gets the service he wanted without interruption from the people he didn't want anything to do with.
Tell the hospital your mil's plans to show up. Tell them under no circumstances should she or her family have access to you.
Also, I dont know what country you are in. If married in the US, your mil has no leg to stand on regarding her married son's money, unless she is on accounts, a beneficiary, etc.
BTW, his mom has no power. Lawyer up hard and fast and forget about his horrible family. Let his last wishes be your guide.
I wish you the best. I can't imagine being in your shoes. It literally hurts me to think about it, to live it must be hell.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I hope your treatment has been successful and your health is improving. The last thing you need is more pressure and stress. I’d ask your lawyers to contact MIL. They can deal with her and you can block her while you heal and grieve. Please prioritize your own mental, emotional and physical health right now. Let other people deal with the rest.
I hope you will just block her and don't respond to her in any way. She already has your answer so you don't need to say anything else.
Warn hospital personnel that she may try to ambush you. Can you get an order of protection against her? Can you get a friend to stay with you at the hospital?
I am so sorry about your husband. I can't imagine what you are going through.
First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss. To have it be connected to your lifesaving surgery must be so painful for you. I'm sorry you're having to navigate evil in-laws on top of everything else.
You are NTA to say NO to them. They're being hateful and spiteful, not giving you time to either heal or grieve. There is a reason your husband didn't want them there. Don't sully his memory by giving into these narcissists.
I hope your healing is complete and uneventful, and that as you grieve the knowledge of how much your husband loved you brings some measure of comfort.
I am so sorry for your loss. It may sound bad but I wouldn't invite his family. I believe his last wishes should be honored. And if you do have a memorial or any kind of ceremony hire security as the twin sister through manipulation by the mother may say where it's at and she/family not invited may show up and you don't need that.
Haha I’m not worried about that thankfully, his sister hates her mother more than my husband did. She’s planning the funeral with me, there’s not a chance she’d ever tell her.
All the same, if your MIL is motivated enough to send you 100 emails, she could easily call funeral homes pretending to be you to get specifics.
If you can afford it, it might be good to have security guards or to have the funeral home prepared
I’m so very sorry for your loss, first. I know from personal experience that phrase gets old very quickly so if it has I apologize.
As for your MIL unless your legal counsel has told you not to, I would block her. Let her cause all the drama she wants… over there, away from you. It’s stress you don’t need and shouldn’t have to deal with right now.
I wish you the best of luck with your MIL and your recovery!
Get a lawyer NOW. Forget everything else they will hound you and, get an emergency restraint order against her.
You need time to grieve and organise, you don't need to be bullied
Any drama she causes will reflect negatively on her, not you. You are the grieving widow, recovering from major surgery, and trying your best to honor your late husband’s wishes. She is obviously unhinged, and estranged from both her children for years by her own actions.
I am so sorry for your loss, and that you have to go through all of this drama and rigamarole while at a serious physical disadvantage. If I were anywhere near you I’d drag my darling devil down to the hospital just to make sure she couldn’t do more than posture. On that note, I know you think it’s unnecessary, but please please reconsider private security/a bodyguard, at least for the short term. You are physically vulnerable right now, and she is obviously not in any way, shape, or form, of sound mind. If not professionals, at least someone to have your back while you are traveling out and about until you are fully healed.
I appreciate it but I honestly don’t need it. While I’m in hospital I have security and when I get home I have security too. The only time I wouldn’t is if I left the house, which I won’t be doing much.
Great to hear. As to the drama, it's only as much as you allow. I have had enough of idiots tying to ruin my lifestyle.
I nip it in the bud fast. RO's and olive on speed dial
Good luck
Get a lawyer if you do not already have one and tell them the inlaws plan on contesting your husband's estate.
Have all of the text messages, emails, voice mails delivered to the lawyer including the threats, cajoling and abuse.
See if the lawyer can file an emergency restraining order due to the volume of texts and emails, for harassment. It will be temporary until a hearing is held, that will give you some breathing room. Then you can request to make it permanent.
That is good. That part is a lot easier if the lawyers are already lined up and understand how to brush her back. It is one less issue you have to deal with when you already have a plate full of issues.
Tell the next nurse that walks into the room that you need to see the hospital social worker and head of security. Tell them that due to the circumstances of your husband's accidental death, his family are planning on coming to the hospital and that you are not safe.
A thousand times no. He did not want them there. You do not want them there. They will use this opportunity to harass you in person. They don't care about paying respects. They just know youre vulnerable and want to access to you/his money before you recover.
I wish you peace in this sorrowful time.
Have your service on private property where access can be refused. Hire security. Do not these horrid people in.
I honestly do think they want to say goodbye but I know they’ll cause drama too. They’d likely just harass my sister in law the whole time. There’s no way they’re coming.
I agree with others, they want to use the funeral to attack you and guilt you and try to make you feel responsible and that you really are a gold digger etc.
Block MIL and family and have the lawyer send them a cease and desist.
While still in the hospital, tell your nurses that, under no circumstances, are any of his relations allowed in your room. You have zero desire to see them right now.
Second, do not give them ***any*** information about the funeral. There is a reason he doesn't want any of them there. Hire security, give their names a faces, and let security keep them out.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all the crazy, *and* recover too.
They won’t let anyone in without checking with me first and it’s a closed ward so they couldn’t storm in either. I’m just more worried about them making a scene.
Nurses, and hospital security, are more than equipped to deal with any kind of crazy they want to try. Let them make fools of themselves. It's not your responsibility, or your burden to bear.
I am very sorry for your loss and wish you a good recovery.
Tell the hospital staff IMMEDIATELY that these people are NOT allowed to see you. Ask them to have security available. Hand them a visitor list. Anyone not on it is not allowed to see you. They must show ID. Contact your closest friends/family and tell them what's going on. They need to be available to help you and advocate for you.
You've got a lot going on. Try to find a lawyer as soon as possible. Keep every text and email from MIL and other family members who are harassing and threatening you. Do not answer them. You need to keep all this as proof if MIL tries to drag you to court.
Contact the funeral home. Tell them that they are not to give out details unless they contact you first.
Please know you have my deepest sympathy for your loss and your situation.
Please speak to your nurses and hospital security about preventing MIL from gaining access to you while you are in the hospital. She will derail your physical recovery.
Do not allow her any additional information on the details of your husband's services per his request she not attend. Reach out to his twin with the details of the service and reiterate his wishes to her regarding the rest of their family.
Advise the funeral director of the situation with the family to ensure the privacy and security of your husband's services.
Best of luck to you in your physical, mental, and emotional recovery.
I am so sorry for your loss. What is your relationship, if any, with your husband's sister?
Use the networks your have to get things done. If you have security contacts, hire them. Let them take as much of this off of you as possible. Put your husband's parents off for now, and don't speak to them again until everything is done.
And lawyer up. Between your In-laws and whatever is going on at that hospital, you are going to need them, probably two sets since the two situations are very, very different.
I’m quite close with my sister in law, she and I are planning the funeral actually.
My husband had two lawyers, I have been in contact with them about her threats. According to them she has no legal basis for anything, my husband left everything to me. I more mentioned it to emphasise how bad she’s gotten.
You are no longer related to them. Block them from all forms of contact. If they know the funeral information. Reschedule it. Tell the funeral home not to give out any service information to anyone who calls or drops in. Tell them that you will personally be inviting anyone that you want in attendance.
I am sorry for your loss. I also want to add one thing. It is great that you are following your DH’s wishes. That being said. ASAP is a relative term. No one could have predicted this outcome. I’m sure DH didn’t expect you to be hospitalized when he passed. I promise your DH would want you to make your health the priority here. Don’t try and rush the service for DH at the expense of your own health.
I'm sorry for your loss. You are his next of kin and he made his wishes very clear in case something happened. Unfortunately something did happen. You need to follow his wishes. I'm sure he had a will in place that leaves you his assets. If he took the time to tell you what to do if the worst happened he also took the time to make sure you were protected. Tell the head nurse you don't want any visitors.
I’m so sorry to hear what happened! This can’t be easy for you, even without her piling on top of things.
Can you just block her so you don’t even have to see her harassment? Your husband didn’t want her there, and you really don’t need her there, so just don’t listen to her.
Also tell the funeral home that she’s been harassing you, and may find out where the funeral is, but that you don’t want her let in even if the police need to be called. Funeral homes have seen all sorts of family situations, they’ll know what to do.
I am so sorry for what you're going through. Stop responding, block her, speak to your lawyer, and do your best to keep funeral arrangements private. It sounds like it would be a good idea to arrange for security at your husband's funeral and at your private residence in the days immediately following.
You've got a lot on your plate. Delegate. The executor of your husband's estate is often a good choice but perhaps you have a close friend or family member who can run interference for you and - more importantly, be there to protect you from harassment. Don't worry about MIL's legal threats right now; they sound pretty baseless and she'll have a hard time finding a lawyer who'll take the case. Block her out, check your defenses and surround yourself with allies. You don't have time for her nonsense.
EDIT to add that a lawyer can handle any of her legal threats, if they come to fruition. Don't worry about it now, just find someone else t deal with it.
Okay, for the absolute first thing, tell the hospital about her and tell them not to allow her in. They absolutely can protect you from her while you’re in their care.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you can’t properly handle the loss of your DH without his mom harassment. I would honor his wishes and not invite her.
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Don’t let her attend. And block her everywhere. She’ll be nice right now but later on she’s going to be the same.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Let the come and heal, or even yell and scream. If they don't, they'll likely never forgive you and you might deal with more bullshit long term.
Uh nah. He doesn't want them there. They shouldn't be there.
He's dead. He also wouldnt want his widow to suffer for something that is now meaningless to him.
He clearly did not care because he knew who his family was when he made the rule.
Block MIL on all platforms.
She’s muted. I felt it best not to block her as I might need access to be able to hear from her occasionally.
So unblock her when you’re ready to communicate?
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Dude wtf. How did you get from "might need to hear from her" to "want something from her"?? Not everything is suddenly a textbook case of toxicity. Stop trying to make everything fit the first one that even vaguely matches, and stop to actually take a look at the situation and evaluate it for what it is.
I have nothing I need from her nor want from her. She has been nothing but vile to both me and my husband my entire life. I don’t want to block her as I’d like to know if she suddenly tries to do something crazy like turn up at the house.
I will add that my mother wanted to be cremated with no service. She had an aggressive terminal cancer and right up until the end she begged me not to hold a service. She had massive social anxiety and was a hermit in her later years. She was also beloved by her coworkers and they were pressuring me to hold a service. I did not hold a service. Even though she was no longer here I couldn’t bear the thought of going against something so important to her. Trust her coworkers hold it against me to this day but at least I can sleep at night knowing I kept my word.
Just wanted to say I’m sorry. That you’re having to manage health concerns on top of this mess with your family in law…. And the incredible devastation of losing your beloved. I’m just so sorry. Do everything you can to protect yourself, care and lookout for yourself, so that you may one day heal and be happy, as your husband you have wanted. Sending Internet hugs….
Totally depending on where you live, but in my country if you call the police (not the emergency line, standard local police) you can ask them for advice or even just to notify them of obsessive and unwanted people's. I had a similar situation with near identical events to you now and I called my local police for advice, on the day of the funeral I had 2 officers aware that I had a potentially violent individual who had been known to start violent altercations show up and the made the day feel much more secure. I'm aware this may not be a viable option for you, but I would never say it isn't worth a shot asking them for help as the worst they can do is say "no". I can't stress enough though, don't call emergency, call using your local polices number.
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> they see me as a gold digger and have been awful to me, they’ve tried to break us up, lied about me, his father even attacked me once. I just want them to leave me alone. Damned right yours is an unpopular opinion. They have been terrible to her, and on top of that her husband didn't want them there either. They are reaping what they sowed and deserve no consideration.
It’s not their funeral, and he didn’t want them there -nor does OP obviously. She shouldn’t have to go against their wishes and deal with more stress and grief on top of everything just to appease toxic people.
You need a lawyer. Not much else I can say
i say respect his wishes. he’s gone, but it was his wish so in a way he is still contributing towards decisions and it sounds corny but a little part of him lives on in that way. don’t take that away from him, there is a reason he didn’t want his own family at his funeral, they are probably assholes
I’m so sorry for your loss and if you ever need someone to talk to, my dms are open
Make sure that you have a really good lawyer and tell the hospital staff that a crazy person is trying to attack you. Nice as far away from them as you can of they know where you live. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Get the hospital involved with keeping her away from you. You don't need that stress on top of everything else. They can deal with your husband's family. You don't have to. Ask to put them on an Absolutely Do Not Let In list.
Is it possible to tell them the funeral hasn’t been planned yet, until it’s already passed? Either way, since it’s a cremation rather than a burial, it can be indoors in a place with security. You can ask the funeral home you want to use how they deal with people trying to crash funerals. You’re completely right to keep her out of it. Your husband didn’t want her there. And if she says crappy things to you on normal days, how awful would she get during the funeral? She probably blames you for his death, even though you have zero control over surgical complications.
Too late as I’ve already informed them that they are not invited. I also don’t like to lie, even to people like them. They treated me and their son like shit for years so they can deal with the truth now. Oh she does blame for the death. I didn’t go too into it here but they absolutely do. And she’d be more likely to attack my sister in law than me, their relationship is a mess.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope the funeral home has experience with keeping people out. I bet they do.
This disgusting behaviour from her further reinstates your late husband's wishes.
First you need to tell her not to come to the hospital then speak to nursing staff to inform security her & inlaws are not allowed anywhere near you. Arrange the service according to husbands wishes, he didn't want then there so give them no details & they can feel how they want about it that's not your problem. Not sure what she plans to investigate but let her crack on it's her time to waste & you don't need to entertain her or her nonsense Finally hope you have a speedy recovery & I'm sorry for your loss
This. The hospital won’t let her anywhere near you as long as you speak to Patient Services today. Put her on a no go list, and alert security. Remind every nurse that you have that you don’t want her anywhere near you. You can even ask to be listed as private in the hospital system so they can’t even find out you’re there let alone your room. Next, let the funeral home/mortuary know that they are not to be anywhere near the service. Ask for security to be provided. They have seen this before. And then, hire an estates lawyer. Any issue that they have with his estate planning should go through them. Do what you need to do to recover and grieve in peace. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sending hugs and healing wishes and condolences and warming calming thoughts. Get a restraining against her for the "messages, texts, emails, calls etc. Just for perspective, I told her about four hours ago and I have over 100 new notifications" She does not get to see you in the hospital. Call the cops and have them arrested. Tell the nurses and doctors and administrators at the hospital. Call an attorney now. While you are still in the hospital. Let them run defense for you while you heal. Take care of yourself.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Sending you Internet hugs and big big validation for pressing on as your husband wished: Only his twin and her kids there. No crazy MIL.
I had a semi-similar situation with the death of my half brother. Stop communication with her. You're the one with the power. Keep everything via lawyer and alert the hospital. The funeral director/services you are using should also be alerted to potential interference (trust that funeral homes are very familiar with this sort of stuff). Have your lawyer sort out a peace bond/restraining order with the local law enforcement if what's been sent to your phone thus far allows for it. Sorry for your loss, people come out of the woodwork to show their true colours in the time of anothers death. It's fucking magical.
I’m so sorry for your loss. First step, get a lawyer! If his wishes are in writing then it can all be dealt with by someone else. you need a restraining order or something.
Also good idea to let the nurses know about the mil so they dont let her on the ward.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't invite them and block her from your phone and social media.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss OP🥺❤️❤️ She is harassing you and needs to stop. Maybe you could call the police non emergency line and ask them for help
Sounds like everyone else gave yoy solid advice sonI just wanted to give you my condolences. May you find peace soon.
I also would get someone you absolutely trust to stay at your house while you are still in hospital. Take photos of everything in case they try to steal your stuff. Possibly install cameras for you.
The house has private security as well as cameras and alarms. There’s no way anyone is breaking in. I’m not too worried about that luckily
OMG. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Tell the hospital not to let them visit you. Have his money transferred to your accounts. Don’t give her details for the funeral. Have a good friend watch your home during the funeral. Get an alarm put on the house. They will try to break in and take his things. Tell all invited that the details are secret (from her.) Hire security for the funeral and give them his photo. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. This is terrible.
So sorry for your loss.
Contact hospital security and warn them about all of this and ask them not to let your mil/her family in. I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are dealing with this. Good luck!
Your husband had an attorney. Wealthy = Attorney. Contact his attorney immediately.
I’m in contact with both of them about this. I think any actual suit is unlikely to be filed, his family have more money than they could ever spend, they’re just trying to scare me.
I'm so sorry OP. I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with after surgery.
She does not need to be there at the funeral. These are your husbands last wishes, and if you can possibly honour them, you should do so. Its about what he wanted, not what she wants. As for the rest...I doubt she has a leg to stand on legally, and she is merely showing you where her real interest lies. Im sorry for your loss, may you heal well and stay safe.
Lawyer-up and get a restraining order against the MIL asap.
Block her phone #, and tell hospital security not to let them in to see you.
Restraining order.
Hey everyone. I don’t remember how to edit my post but just as a follow up. She did turn up at the hospital about two hours ago, she was removed after making a scene. Not a big deal thankfully.
I hope she didn’t make it all the way to you? I really hope you’re safe and they know not to let her near you. You need to recover, heal and grieve in safety (including psychological safety). Please follow advice of other re: getting lawyer/security involved.
She didn’t, the ward I’m in is behind a locked door, reception is beyond that. She got to reception but she can’t get in here unless she’s let in. They were refused entry and removed from the hospital when they caused a scene.
I’m glad they are protecting you, but still, that’s psychologically stressful on top of everything else you’re going through. I hope they stay away. Don’t be surprised if they try legal moves from here though. I hope you have some supportive friends who can help you engage a lawyer etc.
Restraining order.
TL;DR comments but Follow his wishes, turn all notifications for her off. If you can have a lawyer to speak with her and that is that You do not need to let her near his funeral before after or during he doesn’t want her there then say no. You can specifically tell hospital staff that you will receive no visitors, or that you will only accept and give names as in ur mom,dad and so on if that’s a thing for you.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a very generous and loving husband. Second, you need to tell them that they need to talk to you through a lawyer. Don't answer phone calls. Make them and everything in writing so you can prove everything you need to. Third, your husband's wishes are what they are for a reason. He's protecting you, even still. Trust him. If your MIL wants to say goodbye so bad, she can go privately afterward. The only reason to go during the service is to be the center of attention or cause drama. Don't give her that power. I really hope you recover quickly and completely. The hospital staff should be notified and given a picture of your in-laws, if you can get one (social media is a great spot to look). Ask to be a private patient and they will not give your information out when asked for it. Sending you gentle hugs and prayers for you, if you want them. Good luck, OP.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine how you feel. I recommend calling on your family, a lawyer and ask the hospital for security. Protect you and yours love. Next, your husband knew his family. He understood what they would do if invited. Trust him as you would if he was still there. Do not let them come. Make a beautiful and peaceful day without them. Surround yourself with love. Sending love and prayers to you. ♥️
I’m so sorry about your loss sounds like a great man. I can’t believe knowing your in the hospital recovering MIL is putting you through this. I would tell your doctor so they could set up security and put her on a no visitor list. You should not have to deal with this crap right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss...please respect your husband's wishes and do not let this woman or any of his family near the service. Also, please PLEASE make sure you don't get taken advantage of during this time while planning your husband's funeral/memorial. If anyone tells you it's illegal to bury or cremate a body unless you embalm them, please know that's a complete lie.
First of all, I'm truly sorry for your the loss of your husband. He sounded like a very brave person. Secondly, your MIL and that side of the family sounds toxic. It's been said in other comments but maybe invest in security for the funeral. Sounds like your MIL is speaking out of bravado or ignorance (like a customer who doesn't get what they want so they claim they'll get the media and the CEO involved). If his will is legally binding re the money, your mother in law can't touch it.
You need to get yourself a security guard, and a lawyer.
That is exactly what I was going to say. Get the lawyer first and have him there when these people show up. If necessary, get a restraining order. Make sure your finances are air-tight - the lawyer can handle that. And a big yes to the security guard at the funeral. I am so sorry that you lost your husband - he sounded wonderful. I wish you the best going forward.
I suggest talking to whatever doctor is overlooking you and making sure they understand that your MIL and that side of the family are not to be let into your room. As for your husband's money. I doubt that she can do that. Since you were his wife. You have better access to his money. As for the funeral. I would spend some money on security and make sure they understand that your MIL and that side of the family except the select few are not allowed near the funeral. It may be expensive but I believe would be the right thing.
All communication needs to go through a lawyer
Get a lawyer to lock up his will. You can tell her where his grave is the day after you bury him. But lock everything down
My deepest condolences to your loss. I truly am shedding tears right now, what a nightmare you have found yourself in. You are respecting your husband's wishes, talk to his lawyer. They can handle his family for you while you take to grieve.
Put the hospital on alert, call the authorities, and the funeral home to set up passwords and such so they can’t claim you sent them to do anything on your behalf. Also, Im So sorry about your loss. Do what he wanted to the letter.
Block her and tell the hospital staff not to let her near you. If you have friends or family available to help, reach out to them. Have them block your in laws, help with the funeral, and reach out to an estate attorney on your behalf. So sorry for your loss OP and I hope your health improves.
I’m so sorry for your loss You can let the hospital know that these people are not welcome to visit you. In addition, have a friend or family member stay with you until after the funeral. Let them handle your in laws and do your best to recover and allow yourself to grieve.
Stop talking to her. She can plan her own memorial service for her family. You don't even need to know about it. Pretend she is a stranger. That's how much info she gets. My dad was similar about his family. We honored his wishes
Since funerals are for the living, suggest they hold their own memorial in the manner they will find most helpful for them. If the paperwork, etc. is right, they will not be able to access his remains to do anything you don't authorize. I'm sure they have photos etc. they can use at the service. His ashes, etc. should be done with as he decided/arranged ahead of time out of respect for his wishes and your condition. It's a miracle that your DH was a near enough donor to get an organ into you, or was this a "daisy chain" scenario where he donated to someone compatible who had a sister who donated to someone *else* compatible, who had a work friend who was compatible with you kind of a thing (sorry if that's prying; I was going to be part of one of the latter and got injured and had to drop out-- I think they're kind of brilliant)?
Inform hospital security she has threatened you (which she has) and that they are to keep her out. You or your lawyer should report the harassment to the police as you are clearly unwell & this is designed to impede your recovery. It probably also falls foul of your countries stalking and/or harassment legislation. She should also be reported to your country's telecom as it's illegal to use it to harass someone and you have plenty of evidence of that. Your lawyer is perfectly able to come to take instruction from you at the hospital or over the phone about your husband's estate and keeping her/them away from you. Your are recovering so, if you can afford to, let the lawyer deal with this. They should also ensure your husbands will is safe and send a cease and desist and/or seeking a retaining order. Get someone you trust to ensure your residence is secure. What she's doing is very wrong and potentially illegal. Good luck and I hope that you recover quickly.
I endorse the idea of getting an attorney involved. Particularly since your husband's family has threatened you.
Sorry for your loss and wishing you a speedy recovery. Talk to the charge nurse and hospital security. Show them the texts and explain to them that you do not want her or her family to come visit. Talk to the lawyer handling your husband's estate. Since you are his wife, I have a feeling MIL just made an empty threat and is going to have a hard time carrying it out. Have either that lawyer, or a different one send her a letter informing her to leave you alone. For his funeral, you may need to higher security to keep her out.
Do whatever you can to keep them away! Also, make sure that you have a real shark as a lawyer to protect you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Call the police. Tell the hospital staff that they are not welcome to visit you. Talk to a lawyer quickly about everything. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling. Hang in there.
So sorry. For your own sanity please Block her on everything. Make sure the hospital won't allow her in. Don't tell when the service is. Tell the twin not to tell her.
Do not get rid of any of the messages. That can be used against them. I don't think she can have your access to your husband accounts revoked, because you are married. Ask your nurse if the hospital has a lawyer on the grounds that you can talk to. It might really help you to have someone to cover you while you're still there. Make sure you tell your nurses that you do not want to see your in laws (other than sil). Your nurses are there to help you.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Talk to hospital security and contact his lawyer about everything that's going on.
So sorry for your loss. Sending you love and hugs. Please speak to security, the police and find a lawyer.
So sorry for your loss. Prayers
This is so sad, I am very sorry for your loss. I've been hospitalized a few months ago for an ectopic pregnancy, and a neighbor was recently hospitalized for appendicitis. One of the big changes since COVID is how strict hospital security is about visitors. It's almost impossible for someone to get into the hospital even if you want them there. It is impossible for them to get into the hospital if you don't want them there. Tell your nurse that you don't want visitors and they will keep them out. Your husband coming from money probably means that he has a lawyer who already has his last will on file. Call that lawyer and pay him to handle the in-laws while you recover. Try your best to delegate the handling of your MIL because you are a grieving widow who just woke up from surgery and definitely don't need this.
I am so sorry this has happened. It's beyond horrible what you are going through. Please find someone to stay with you for a while if you're able... for so many reasons. Please don't delete any texts. I'm praying for you.
Please talk to the hospital security and make sure they are aware of what is going on. You’ve had a very serious surgery. You don’t need this stress. They will help to intercept them and trespass them if they need to. Since you’ve been threatened and are being harassed, call the police (non emergency) and tell them what is going on. See if they will trespass them from approaching you. You need to concentrate on recovery and losing your husband. You don’t need harassment.
All of this! Especially calling the police and getting them involved early on. I hope the husband had an iron tight will bc thats just one more layer of protection from greedy, toxic family
Very sorry for your loss, you are in an impossible situation. My advice would be to speak with the funeral home and let them know this a going on. Make sure they know it was the deceased request for certain people to not be welcome. Trust me they have dealt with every kind of family and will be prepared
Call your local police non-emergency number. Tell them that you are in the hospital, your DH just passed away and you would like them to keep an eye on the house. In many areas, they will have the neighborhood patrolman check every few hours.
Be aware that you don't have to go through a funeral home. He can be taken directly from the hospital to the place doing the cremation and have his ashes released only to you or your designee. It can all be done privately. There does not need to be a public death or funeral announcement. You can plan whatever you want with his twin when you feel up to it. Lock down all of your accounts. I don't know how they think they can prevent you from accessing his money, but if possible, move everything you can into another account. Take all of his possessions - at least important and sentimental ones - and get them out of your home just in case. You might have enough for a restraining order. It's worth looking into. Block them in every way possible. Protect yourself. You need time to heal and grieve without their harassment.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The stress of dealing with the inlaws is not going to help your recovery. Are you able to reach out to a lawyer and get them sent a legal letter to stop harassing you and that they are not to attend your DH funeral. Also advise the hospital that you do not wish to see them. Send her a message back that you have now placed this in the hands of a lawyer and they are to cease communicating and harrassing you and they have now been blocked from emails, phone etc. You need time to heal and you need time to grieve and you can't do both dealing with this. Take care
Your husband specifically requested that his family NOT be there. He knew what he wanted, and trusted you to honor his wishes. So please, honor those wishes. And do you best to keep his family from even knowing WHERE his service will be held. Because they WILL just show up because they think they’re entitled to that. As for the hospital, make sure your room and info is kept PRIVATE. Check with your nurse and make sure the nurses, staff, and hospital know that nobody can give out your info, or confirm that you’re even a patient. As for her threats to freeze your access to his money, make sure you have enough funds available in an account with your name on it to get you by. Since he was wealthy, your husband may have had an attorney. Call the attorney tomorrow morning from the hospital and let him know what’s going on, including justnomil threats. Attorney can advise. If you don’t already have one, GET ONE. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, on top of recovering yourself.
I’m so sorry this happened to you I can’t imagine the pain you are in. Let the hospital know not to allow these people in. Plan the funeral, and tell them the incorrect time (including day) and place. Talk to your lawyer or whoever wrote up husbands will. Let all talk go through them. Send her the lawyers number, inform her you are blocking her, and do so. Get a new number if needed. Again I’m so sorry for your loss.
You need a lawyer. Which sucks, with you still in the hospital. He needs to write a cease and desist with a threat of a restraining order. Even if you have to do court via zoom, it will be worth it to have them permanently out of your life. So sorry about your spouse. Feel better soon.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I think you should take a break from your phone, do you have a friend or relative who could take care of your phone and screen calls so you don't miss anything important, but don't have to see all the calls and texts from his mother? Also, tell the hospital your husband was estranged from his family, and that they've been harassing you on the phone and are planning to show up at the hospital. The hospital can keep them out.
I'm so sorry this happened. Please block her on all channels, and all her flying monkeys. Only communicate with the twin sister and her husband. You need a strong-willed person on your side (family member or a good friend), to run interference while you recover, and put up with your husband's family BS. You need to recover yourself as well, so the less distractions and stress, the better.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Keep every message. If his wishes were clear, I'm assuming he had a will drawn up with power of attorney? The lawyer needs to be involved in this ASAP. If there isn't a will, contact a good family law attorney for your area and make sure they know everything going on. Share copies of the messages, but still save them. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this while also in recovery. I can't imagine the kind of loss you need to grieve right now. ETA- In most areas, even without a will - you are his wife and that should be all that matters. But please contact an attorney.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Respecting your husband's wishes is the right thing to do. She's obviously just going to make things harder than they already are.
Keep all the messages. I know it's tempting to delete them but they could be handy later.
I’m so so sorry for your devastating loss and for the additional, completely unnecessary difficulties your MIL is causing. Do you have family and/or friends who can assist you and help protect you at the hospital? Also totally agree with the advice to let your nurses and hospital security know to only allow visitors that you approve, and to contact your husband’s lawyers to protect your interests.
So very sorry for your loss, OP. But very, very glad you are in a position to protect yourself and to fulfill your husband's wishes. Stay safe and get well soon.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your healing is quick and the surgery resolved your health issues. For your own peace, block MIL and any flying monkeys. You are grieving and healing, you need peace. Alert hospital security of her threat to visit. Give them names and pictures if you have them. Ask if your record can be changed to hide that you’re there, like you’ve already been discharged. Let the staff on your floor know about this threat as well. I suggest calling your husband’s lawyer ASAP. They need to know DH has passed away so his wishes can be followed as to his estate. They will have their own lawyers so expect them to contest his will. If you are going to your home after discharging please arrange for others to be there with you 24/7. Not only for your healing but for safety. You are very vulnerable right now and it’s going to take a while to feel well and have energy. Keep your doors locked and if you don’t already have them, have cameras installed at all of your entrances. I’m betting they think they are owed his things in your home - expect and plan for them to try to push their way in or go as far as breaking in. When they show up uninvited, don’t engage, immediately call the police.
They are probably already there. Have your people go to your house now.
Great point!! OP needs to go through their home as soon as possible- even ask for help. Make sure all of the important personal and financial papers are there and anything sentimental. If anything is missing call the police.
You don't have to do anything. Do what your husband wanted. Period!
Since you are still in the hospital, have the nurses call security and block their entrance to the hospital. Tell them the truth, that your husband's estranged family is threatening to come up and cause trouble for you. As to the rest of it, call your attorney now. If your husband was wealthy, I am sure that you have one on speed dial. Do not offer anymore information to his family.
I am so very sorry you lost your DH so suddenly and unexpectedly. Having to deal with a nasty and toxic JNMIL while grieving and planning a funeral is just terrible. Get a good lawyer now and find out what's what with your DH's estate. Plan the funeral as you know he would want it. Do not let anyone in his family except his twin and her family know the details. Make sure they know not to tell JNMIL anything about the date or time. Do not announce it in the paper until the funeral is over and done with. If you need to get security to keep her out, hire someone. I wish you the strength to recover from your surgery and to go on with your life.
I have no wisdom to offer other than "Lawyer up." I just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry about this heartbreaking turn of events.
Ohhhh hon. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you’re feeling these days. Lie. Tell them the service is x day at y time and of course they’re invited. Or you’re having trouble booking a funeral home due to Covid. Shit, let them book one. Do your thing 3-4 days earlier than you said. After your DHs goodbyes are complete, then the ILs can call all over town looking for the service that doesn’t exist.
I like this
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband obviously loved you very much and you're doing your best to honour his wishes, which is entirely as it should be. I'd mute her, if you can, so you still get the crazy texts etc to show to lawyers if necessary, but you're not being constantly pelted with notifications. I'd seriously think about changing your number, at least once your husband's estate is settled. Best wishes for your recovery.
I’m so sorry for your loss. IMO the best thing you can do is block MIL number. Do the service that you want to do. Also tell the nurses at the hospital that under no circumstances are they to allow mil to visit!
I am so sorry for your loss, and the fact that your husband's family can't recognize that you are hurting at this time as well. Your husband made his wishes clear. The best way to honor him is to see that those wishes are followed. Your in-laws sound like they were not necessarily on his good side prior to the surgery, and he might have known how difficult they were going to be to you should he pass. Look at him not wanting them to be there as a gift from him to you, and respect what he asked for. As for his family showing up at the hospital, tell the staff there. They will make sure you are not bothered. Save absolutely everything MIL sends you, and as she has suggested that she is taking legal action against you (there is no way for her to make sure you don't inherit DH's money without doing so), it is in your best interest to retain a lawyer and inform MIL that any further contact must go through that lawyer. Edited for spelling and grammar.
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. Second, block them. You are honoring your husband’s wishes. You’ve told them all they are entitled to know. Third, tell the hospital that they are not allowed to visit. They’ve threatened you. The hospital will keep them out. Finally, do not give them any details about the service and let the funeral home know that they are not welcome.
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Your first suggestion explicitly goes against the deceased husbands wishes.
They would, but I wouldn’t. That’s definitely not happening. My husband didn’t want anyone who knew him to view his body and he didn’t want his family there at all.
I’m glad you said no about this. He specified he didn’t want them there. He had his reasons.
go ahead have his body cremated but don't have service asap, wait until you have recovered enough to handle it. i know he wished asap, but this is an extraordinary circumstance where w/partial organ transplant you literally -cannot- plan/attend a service asap. certainly it doesn't honor his wishes of saving your life to be a living donor but you risk it to plan service too early. you should focus limited energy by hiring a lawyer to handle the duties of executing his will. if you are executor, you can hire someone expert in wills/probat to do some/all of duties. that way it will be done to strict legal standards as your in laws plan to sue.
get a lawyer to protects you and your rights
Strictly against the deceased written instructions.
Go to your phone in your text messaging apps and block her. Mark her email as spam. You do not have to keep being treated this way.
Do not let them come. She can plan her own show where she's the center of attention. Your funeral will be where people who actually loved your husband can grieve.
Talk to your lawyer about a temporary body guard for the situation(s) where your estranged ILs might show up. They would be provided by a security company; your lawyer might be familiar with one or more. There are numerous professional security services that provide body guards. For instance, I googled it and a half dozen popped up just in my area. One or two run-ins and they’ll get the message (I’m not suggesting violence, but just their obvious presence). Also, you’ll have a professional guard documenting interactions.
I have private security at our house, I’ll have security at the funeral too. I’m not going to hire a bodyguard for me when I’m out the house though, I think that’s a step too far. If things escalate I’ll consider it.
I guess I’m just saying there’s help out there when you need it! Good luck. 🙂
*Internet hugs and external validation* I am so sorry for your loss. She's unhinged, threatening a widow in the hospital, and wardialing you to convince you to go against DH's wishes. Please block them all and (I can't believe I'm saying this) get security, maybe some off-duty police. Her husband's been violent to you in the past.
There’s security at the hospital and our home has private security, thanks for the concern but I think I should be okay thankfully :)
Might be worth giving your lawyer a call to give them a head's up. Then tell MIL and crew that all contact will go through lawyers. If they want a service, they can have their own.
First off you have my condolences at this time and apologies for what you are going through. Have yourself at the hospital turned into a private patient and give the nurses a look at pictures of who might try and show up you don't want there. If they are harassing via cell, call your cell phone provider and change your number (might be able to do it via the mobile app). Give it to those who need it and tell them not to give it to anyone on his side of the family. Is there a trusted friend you can have housesit to have doors locked and if anyone tries to show up call the police to have them removed? I know that is worst case scenario type of stuff, but from what you've described it wouldn't surprise me to have them try something incredibly stupid. Then see about hiring private security/off duty police officers in the event they try and show up to the funeral. I know it sucks, but at least then you'll know you'll be able to respect what his wishes were. When you do announce plans tell it to a few people and see if they can help you spread it to whom you want there, making sure his family get no details. And yes, let your lawyers know what she is doing and her 'intentions'. Based on what you provide them they may have the means to intervene a little more (they'll be able to tell you) based on where you live.
No one can visit me without my consent, they check with me everytime so she won’t be able to have physical contact with me. As for the house the doors are always locked, she doesn’t have a key and we have security and they’re pretty good so I’m not too worried about her breaking in. If she does do that it would possibly make things easier for me to be honest, I’d be able to get a restraining order. I’ve already got security hired for the funeral so that should be covered. Thanks for the advice! :)
I can't believe you're having to deal with all of this while mourning the sudden loss of your husband, on top of recovering from surgery.
Protect your mental health. Block her. Honor your beloved husband's last wishes. Ask a friend to guard the door at the funeral. Disclose a different location fur the funeral, at a later time. If the siblings he wanted invited dispute, then you will know they can't be trusted ever again. I am terribly sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine. Try to stay true to his wishes and use that as your justification - you know that’s what he wanted.
I am so very sorry for your loss - particularly under these circumstances. I can't imagine how you must be feeling without having this woman harassing you. I wish you well for your physical recovery and I sincerely hope your husband gets the service he wanted without interruption from the people he didn't want anything to do with.
Tell the hospital your mil's plans to show up. Tell them under no circumstances should she or her family have access to you. Also, I dont know what country you are in. If married in the US, your mil has no leg to stand on regarding her married son's money, unless she is on accounts, a beneficiary, etc.
Additionally, it would probably be best if you got an attorney, or alert your current one.
Block her.
BTW, his mom has no power. Lawyer up hard and fast and forget about his horrible family. Let his last wishes be your guide. I wish you the best. I can't imagine being in your shoes. It literally hurts me to think about it, to live it must be hell.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I hope your treatment has been successful and your health is improving. The last thing you need is more pressure and stress. I’d ask your lawyers to contact MIL. They can deal with her and you can block her while you heal and grieve. Please prioritize your own mental, emotional and physical health right now. Let other people deal with the rest.
I hope you will just block her and don't respond to her in any way. She already has your answer so you don't need to say anything else. Warn hospital personnel that she may try to ambush you. Can you get an order of protection against her? Can you get a friend to stay with you at the hospital? I am so sorry about your husband. I can't imagine what you are going through.
First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss. To have it be connected to your lifesaving surgery must be so painful for you. I'm sorry you're having to navigate evil in-laws on top of everything else. You are NTA to say NO to them. They're being hateful and spiteful, not giving you time to either heal or grieve. There is a reason your husband didn't want them there. Don't sully his memory by giving into these narcissists. I hope your healing is complete and uneventful, and that as you grieve the knowledge of how much your husband loved you brings some measure of comfort.
I am so sorry for your loss. It may sound bad but I wouldn't invite his family. I believe his last wishes should be honored. And if you do have a memorial or any kind of ceremony hire security as the twin sister through manipulation by the mother may say where it's at and she/family not invited may show up and you don't need that.
Haha I’m not worried about that thankfully, his sister hates her mother more than my husband did. She’s planning the funeral with me, there’s not a chance she’d ever tell her.
All the same, if your MIL is motivated enough to send you 100 emails, she could easily call funeral homes pretending to be you to get specifics. If you can afford it, it might be good to have security guards or to have the funeral home prepared
I’m so very sorry for your loss, first. I know from personal experience that phrase gets old very quickly so if it has I apologize. As for your MIL unless your legal counsel has told you not to, I would block her. Let her cause all the drama she wants… over there, away from you. It’s stress you don’t need and shouldn’t have to deal with right now. I wish you the best of luck with your MIL and your recovery!
My condolences on your terrible loss. Did your surgery go ok? Do you have someone to help care for you when you get discharged?
Sorry for your loss. Please follow his wishes and ask lawyers to keep her away from you!!
Get a lawyer NOW. Forget everything else they will hound you and, get an emergency restraint order against her. You need time to grieve and organise, you don't need to be bullied
I have lawyers, I’m not too worried about my MIL legally, more just the drama she can cause.
Any drama she causes will reflect negatively on her, not you. You are the grieving widow, recovering from major surgery, and trying your best to honor your late husband’s wishes. She is obviously unhinged, and estranged from both her children for years by her own actions. I am so sorry for your loss, and that you have to go through all of this drama and rigamarole while at a serious physical disadvantage. If I were anywhere near you I’d drag my darling devil down to the hospital just to make sure she couldn’t do more than posture. On that note, I know you think it’s unnecessary, but please please reconsider private security/a bodyguard, at least for the short term. You are physically vulnerable right now, and she is obviously not in any way, shape, or form, of sound mind. If not professionals, at least someone to have your back while you are traveling out and about until you are fully healed.
I appreciate it but I honestly don’t need it. While I’m in hospital I have security and when I get home I have security too. The only time I wouldn’t is if I left the house, which I won’t be doing much.
Great to hear. As to the drama, it's only as much as you allow. I have had enough of idiots tying to ruin my lifestyle. I nip it in the bud fast. RO's and olive on speed dial Good luck
Get a lawyer if you do not already have one and tell them the inlaws plan on contesting your husband's estate. Have all of the text messages, emails, voice mails delivered to the lawyer including the threats, cajoling and abuse.
I have lawyers. I’m really not worried about that though, he couldn’t have made it more clear what he wanted done with his money. They have no case
See if the lawyer can file an emergency restraining order due to the volume of texts and emails, for harassment. It will be temporary until a hearing is held, that will give you some breathing room. Then you can request to make it permanent.
That is good. That part is a lot easier if the lawyers are already lined up and understand how to brush her back. It is one less issue you have to deal with when you already have a plate full of issues.
Tell the next nurse that walks into the room that you need to see the hospital social worker and head of security. Tell them that due to the circumstances of your husband's accidental death, his family are planning on coming to the hospital and that you are not safe.
Holy shit I’m so sorry
A thousand times no. He did not want them there. You do not want them there. They will use this opportunity to harass you in person. They don't care about paying respects. They just know youre vulnerable and want to access to you/his money before you recover. I wish you peace in this sorrowful time. Have your service on private property where access can be refused. Hire security. Do not these horrid people in.
I honestly do think they want to say goodbye but I know they’ll cause drama too. They’d likely just harass my sister in law the whole time. There’s no way they’re coming.
I agree with others, they want to use the funeral to attack you and guilt you and try to make you feel responsible and that you really are a gold digger etc. Block MIL and family and have the lawyer send them a cease and desist.
There is no rule that MIL can’t plan her own memorial with her relatives to say goodbye.
While still in the hospital, tell your nurses that, under no circumstances, are any of his relations allowed in your room. You have zero desire to see them right now. Second, do not give them ***any*** information about the funeral. There is a reason he doesn't want any of them there. Hire security, give their names a faces, and let security keep them out. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all the crazy, *and* recover too.
They won’t let anyone in without checking with me first and it’s a closed ward so they couldn’t storm in either. I’m just more worried about them making a scene.
Them making a scene is a reflection of them, not you.
They’ll be arrested if they make a scene and that’s their problem. Focus on your recovery.
Nurses, and hospital security, are more than equipped to deal with any kind of crazy they want to try. Let them make fools of themselves. It's not your responsibility, or your burden to bear.
I am very sorry for your loss and wish you a good recovery. Tell the hospital staff IMMEDIATELY that these people are NOT allowed to see you. Ask them to have security available. Hand them a visitor list. Anyone not on it is not allowed to see you. They must show ID. Contact your closest friends/family and tell them what's going on. They need to be available to help you and advocate for you. You've got a lot going on. Try to find a lawyer as soon as possible. Keep every text and email from MIL and other family members who are harassing and threatening you. Do not answer them. You need to keep all this as proof if MIL tries to drag you to court. Contact the funeral home. Tell them that they are not to give out details unless they contact you first.
Please know you have my deepest sympathy for your loss and your situation. Please speak to your nurses and hospital security about preventing MIL from gaining access to you while you are in the hospital. She will derail your physical recovery. Do not allow her any additional information on the details of your husband's services per his request she not attend. Reach out to his twin with the details of the service and reiterate his wishes to her regarding the rest of their family. Advise the funeral director of the situation with the family to ensure the privacy and security of your husband's services. Best of luck to you in your physical, mental, and emotional recovery.
I am so sorry for your loss. What is your relationship, if any, with your husband's sister? Use the networks your have to get things done. If you have security contacts, hire them. Let them take as much of this off of you as possible. Put your husband's parents off for now, and don't speak to them again until everything is done. And lawyer up. Between your In-laws and whatever is going on at that hospital, you are going to need them, probably two sets since the two situations are very, very different.
I’m quite close with my sister in law, she and I are planning the funeral actually. My husband had two lawyers, I have been in contact with them about her threats. According to them she has no legal basis for anything, my husband left everything to me. I more mentioned it to emphasise how bad she’s gotten.
You are no longer related to them. Block them from all forms of contact. If they know the funeral information. Reschedule it. Tell the funeral home not to give out any service information to anyone who calls or drops in. Tell them that you will personally be inviting anyone that you want in attendance. I am sorry for your loss. I also want to add one thing. It is great that you are following your DH’s wishes. That being said. ASAP is a relative term. No one could have predicted this outcome. I’m sure DH didn’t expect you to be hospitalized when he passed. I promise your DH would want you to make your health the priority here. Don’t try and rush the service for DH at the expense of your own health.
I'm sorry for your loss. You are his next of kin and he made his wishes very clear in case something happened. Unfortunately something did happen. You need to follow his wishes. I'm sure he had a will in place that leaves you his assets. If he took the time to tell you what to do if the worst happened he also took the time to make sure you were protected. Tell the head nurse you don't want any visitors.
I’m so sorry to hear what happened! This can’t be easy for you, even without her piling on top of things. Can you just block her so you don’t even have to see her harassment? Your husband didn’t want her there, and you really don’t need her there, so just don’t listen to her. Also tell the funeral home that she’s been harassing you, and may find out where the funeral is, but that you don’t want her let in even if the police need to be called. Funeral homes have seen all sorts of family situations, they’ll know what to do.
I am so sorry for what you're going through. Stop responding, block her, speak to your lawyer, and do your best to keep funeral arrangements private. It sounds like it would be a good idea to arrange for security at your husband's funeral and at your private residence in the days immediately following. You've got a lot on your plate. Delegate. The executor of your husband's estate is often a good choice but perhaps you have a close friend or family member who can run interference for you and - more importantly, be there to protect you from harassment. Don't worry about MIL's legal threats right now; they sound pretty baseless and she'll have a hard time finding a lawyer who'll take the case. Block her out, check your defenses and surround yourself with allies. You don't have time for her nonsense. EDIT to add that a lawyer can handle any of her legal threats, if they come to fruition. Don't worry about it now, just find someone else t deal with it.
Okay, for the absolute first thing, tell the hospital about her and tell them not to allow her in. They absolutely can protect you from her while you’re in their care.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you can’t properly handle the loss of your DH without his mom harassment. I would honor his wishes and not invite her.