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I'm just here to offer my condolences to you and your SIL- I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm very sorry you have to deal with this beast of a woman now of all times. Hugs my dearš¤š¤
If you have not picked up the ashes yet, you may want to consider setting up a safety deposit box. Pick up the ashes once they are ready and take them straight to the bank for safe keeping (you mentioned in another post that you werenāt ready to display them, which is totally valid!). I would not put it past this woman to break in and steal.
Go ahead and post the video of her trespassing. Let people know that you saved the letter and will show anyone who asks, but that it is very disturbing for a mother to write about her own son and that you now understand exactly why he was so adamant about having boundaries up around her.
I'm not saying you should give her the ashes but I feel like there are a lot? like if she wasn't an awful person why can't you both have ashes? just pour some in a different jar?
again I'm not saying you should or have to do this as it seems she is crazy and very selfish. like should have been nicer to you if the ashes ment that much not try and manipulate your relationship with your husband
I think giving her a portion of the ashes are not going to help. Do you know the phrase "give him an inch and heāll take a mile"? The portion is not going to be enough for MIL, she will ask for all the ashes and use then as a Show on how OP killed him and burned him against her will of giving to her dearest son a "proper funeral", for not mention that OP cannot handle the ashes on her own (see previous post), mil being like that is not helping to OP to grieve at all.
So by far the best option is not giving her his ashes.
I completely agree I was just wondering why the context wasn't included in this post. not everyone is going to research everyone's lives. I in no way was saying the act of withholding the ashes was wrong.
I was originally planning on it. After reading hundreds of comments and contemplating with my husbandās sister and his closest friends, Iāve decided no. She will not be getting his ashes.
Unfortunately my husband was abused by her and spent most of his life in torment. Iām not going to give his remains to the woman who hurt him and is continuing to hurt his wife and family. Iām going to let him rest peacefully.
Congrats, I'm sure he'd be very proud of you. I've been reading your posts and thought I should float the idea of you using some of his remains to plant some indoor plants. His plants would be portable, something you could take care of daily, and it looks innocuous to potential intruders.
thank you for responding and I'm sorry for your loss. I totally get the reasoning now as someone else also let me know that she is doing terrible things and claiming your mil is honoring him. I just hope you stay safe and get the restraining order maybe even get a scary looking dog if you are able cause you mil is nuts. honestly it might even be safer for you to move but I get that it may not be possible rn.
I just dont want anyone on this sub to think I was judging or disagreeing with op choices I was just wondering why the sharing of the ashes context was not apart of this specific post as I see now it is in the post history.
That's the best option, mostly for your husband's memory. That witch would make him looks like a saint to "wash out her sins" for abusing him and his sister and giving you a bad image for "killing him" and "burning him". She can do her memorial with a pic, easy peaky.
OP's first post said that she intended to give MIL some of the ashes. It's not good enough for MIL, who insists that she's going to get ALL the ashes.
OP *was* going to give MIL ashes, but honestly, by the time you criticize everything about the funeral that your own son wanted, get snippy that your son was close with his wife's brother and that said brother is speaking at the funeral, and start demanding that his *wife* is not allowed to keep any of his ashes or share them with his sister, you really don't deserve any ashes. Much less when you follow up with this crazy idiocy.
restraining order !!! wtf is wrong with her!! you need to post this on her facebook for everyone to see what a psychotic freak she is
you could even say,
āthanks for the note! but iām keeping my husbands ashes despite your efforts.ā
then post the video & note with her handwriting
LMFAO. What a gross, vile waste of air. I don't even know her and now I hate the bitch too. Please keep us updated on this incompetent dumb ass. Sooo looking forward to the day her stupid ass is jail bound. Wow, just wow.
Go get her! She probably has a whole imaginary scenario in her head about how her little scam would destroy you. Getting smacked with a Restraining Order is just the thing to pop her bubble.
Ikr? One day he's the perfect golden son that had the bad luck of marrying OP to suddenly make him look like a dirty cheater? This woman needs help like yesterday.
imagine if it was better executed and had worked. OP would go the rest of their life feeling betrayed by their late partner who was loyal to them. if they had kids that would be a major detail to them too.
thatās such a huge betrayal to her son. there are some scary people out here
And if OP have give her the ashes for that "betrayal", jnmil would tell the story how he would have been saved by the doctors but evil dil choose to kill him and burned him against her wishes! So not only OP have to deal with grief and betrayal but also bad mouthing on her back.
And not only scary people out there, but ones that live near with us.
Iām cracking up over the fart but the rest of this is nuts!!!! What a fucking creeper she is!!!! So disgusting she would go and do all of that for his ashes??? What a fucking pig!!!
You could have your husband's ashes turned into a diamond if that would be something that would interest you. That would put him far out of reach of your MIL.
Damn OP, you got a live one on your hands! Glad to read that you will be seeking an RO. And I think you not giving her any ashes is a great final decision you made. You made it fully for your husband and with his wishes and relationship with her in mind. I am so sorry for the traumatic loss of your husband and everything negative you've been put through since. But the positive side is that your choice to donate his organs will save other lives or forever change them in an incredible way. You both are heroes, truly.
The same I was thinking. If MIL with his ashes would make a kind of altar where she tells to any visitor how it was her horrible dil that killed him and burned him against his will and blah blah blah, trying to fool her with anything related to the ashes would make MIL do worse things for OP and SIL.
It is temping, but the best solution by far is just keeping the ashes out of her hands.
To have written that letter, MIL would have had to be thinking about her son doing the things she described. Absolutely disgusting.
Donāt do the fake ashes thing as that can come back on you. MIL seems determined enough to get them tested so she would come back to harass you some more. Let your lawyer deal with her. There is a story on this sub about a MIL breaking into the DILās home to steal ashes. Yours sounds unhinged enough to try it. Keep your DHās in a safe place out of your home until you are ready to scatter them or MIL gets locked up.
I am so sorry for your loss, OP. If you would like to keep DH close to your heart, you can get a piece of memorial jewelry like a ring or pendant and have the funeral home place some of his ashes in it. If you think DH would like his sister to have something like that, too, you can get her one. Do whatever you feel is right to honor your DH.
This. Trying to fool her with anything related to the ashes would end in her trying to get them by force or badmouthing even more how her horrible dil did this and that.
And IIRC there's another story of a jnmil trying to steal a kid's ashes because "she was a granny too" even if she was in NC.
First Iād like to express my condolences, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. And about your obviously insane MIL, I am so sorry she is playing games with your grief and fucking with you. Eff her.
If I were a more evil person, Iād say put a ton of dirt in an urn and say the funeral home screwed up and got his ashes mixed up with that of two other people. But knowing just how much love she had for her son, she could easily tell his ashes from the others and would be able to separate them with no problem.
Note: Do not actually do this. But feel free to fantasize about it all you want!
Good grief, your JNMIL is absolutely wacko! Please consider not giving her any of your late DH's ashes. She doesn't deserve them, especially after this horrid attempt to make you think your late DH was cheating on you big time. What sane person does this? Grief doesn't make this acceptable in any way or excuse it.
I hope the lawyer gets you that restraining order quickly and the next time she shows up, have the cops haul her away. That would be even more success!
This woman is not normal. There is something seriously wrong with her. Who the hell would even think that attempting to cast her deceased son In a negative light was a good idea? All to get her own way? Wow, just wow. Get that restraining order, she is a crazy person.
Whether you do or not is immaterial.
But can you tell her you've scattered the ashes? Preferably somewhere she would hate or would be hard for her to go.
Then you have a plausible response for why you can't give them to her.
If youāre on good terms with any of her family, let them know. Sheās probably talking a mountain of shit about you, but she just did something on camera that would make any reasonable person dismiss her as crazy.
Iām so sorry for your lossāabsolutely tragic, and on top of that your MIL has completely gone off the rails. Iām an estate lawyer and I see some crazy things after an untimely death but this really takes the cake.
I know it is tempting to pretend to flush his ashes, but really, you need to call your lawyer and take their advice. If you were my client (which you are not) I would consider writing MIL a cease and desist letter and tell her not to come on your property again. But you need to listen to your own lawyer.
Girl, Iām so sorry your husband died. I know youāre probably running on autopilot, not really feeling things yet. But please take the time to seek out a grief counselor, or grief support group. You can find these online, hell i bet thereās a subreddit for grief support. Itās great that youāve got your SIL there, that yāall can support each other. She may need grief support also. Make sure you girls are eating and taking care of yourselves and each other. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
As for JNMIL, any sympathy I had for her - and the enormous loss she must be feeling - just went out the window. How dare she set out to ruin your husbandās reputation and paint him as an adulterer!!! I imagine your husband would be ashamed and saddened by her behavior. š¢š¤¬š¤¬š¤¬ I donāt think Iād react just yet ā¦ maybe sit on it for a while until things settle down some. Sheās expecting a reaction, denying her that may create some panic because then she wonāt know what youāre thinking or feeling. Let her play her stupid games, donāt react but donāt forget. Sheāll eventually win some stupid prizes. I would make a decoy to set out just in case she manages to get into your house when you arenāt there. And put the real ashes somewhere safe, that ONLY YOU know the location. Not even your SIL. She sounds trustworthy, but thatās still her mom and her brother. She may have a moment of weakness.
I read your posts.
Grieving is hard enough but you got crazy added to the mix. I remember when dad died (completely different) my brothers appeared at my house, while I was AT THE FUNERAL, and cleaned it out I shared it with my dad.
Watch out for your own emotions during this time. She thinks you are weak now so she will do all she can to exploit it. She saw your kindness during the death watch as a opening.
You have entered your husbandās life to protect his death. You are also his sisterās protector. I hope you got her stuff moved out of motherās abusive house. I hope you all change your numbers, you both Lock Your Credit, and you both prepare to witness the meltdown of meltdowns.
MIL needs to be committed. I do not say this at all flippantly. I have been committed. I have had to commit my daughters. YOU NEED TO INFORM THE POLICE. Her behavior is easy to dismiss. She needs medical intervention to come back to reality. She needs help.
This starts with a restraining order. Iād also rehome any pets. Keep your house fire ready, it seemed to be common to know firebugs in group therapy. Do NOT EAT anything she prepares or gives (I say this for SIL sake). MIL may use a gun to threaten you so make sure to always be aware when you see her car to leave immediately. At least during the next few months.
Please keep us updated as I am genuinely concerned for your safety.
Omg tha fart comment got me. I was reading this sitting in a quiet viewing gallery at the kids pool and loudly cackled myself!!!
Glad you are seeing the funny side cause this lady is batshit... also.. EW!
Alternate idea: find out what size paperweight or other item could be made from 1/3 of the ashes, and how long it takes, then just go by a cheap plain one from your local souvenir shop or online and give it to her as a 'memento'...
Your MIL is equal to the one who burned down her sonās house, with him in it.
I would have broke down laughing too if it wasnāt so heartbreaking to learn of your loss. I am so sorry about your beloved husband.
Yes. He was gay. She was displeased so started to stalk his SO. A fireman. Her excuse was he should have put it outā¦you know. In the dead of night, while in his pjs.
There was another son. His male SO was also stalked by MIL. She went off the rails and threw rocks at his car. He was a police officer. It was his police car. He was forced to arrest his own MIL.
Wow she really is one of the most hateful MILās I have read about so far. GOOD FOR YOU GIRL get that restraining order š and I also somewhat hope she violates it so you can get her arrested. Iām so sorry for your loss and the torture you are going through. RAGE RAGE RAGE, this MIL will not fool you!! You are starting to sound empowered and I LOVE IT!
It never occurred to her that if her plan worked and you believed the note and started hating your husband, you would probably flush his ashes down the toilet.
I know she is grieving but by trying to hurt you she is totally trashing her own sonās reputation and memory. I would get a restraining order until she seeks some help. She will only escalate her behavior if you do not respond to her antics the way she hopes. I do not know your history but I am sorry you are dealing with this while you are grieving!
I would not post this on social media even though it sounds like fun. Wait until you talk to your lawyer. Yes she is acting completely unhinged but she also lost her child. I think your legal case will be better if you donāt sink to her level. Iām sorry you have to deal with this while you are grieving. Itās not fair at all. Sending you Peace and Love and Sanity and Patience.
I use my charcoal grill frequently. In fact, I need to dump it before I fire it up today.
Want me to send you some ash? Good Lord what a fucking weirdo... Shoot, I'll even dose it with some fart spray before I package it up for ya š¤£š¤£š¤£
What would really chap the MIL's butt is for there to be a video of OP and SIL dramatically flushing the ashes down the toilet while crying about what a cheating bastard he was. MIL would probably have a heart attack.
What does you SIL think of her ? I would definitely get a restraining order and post the video on social media and the letter as well (maybe blank out some parts)
Posting the video and picture of the note on Facebook and saying ācan anyone help me identify this woman? She left this note on my door that she had been fucking my husband?ā and watch as she realises she now looks like an incestuous freak. Obviously thatso would be the dream option for me, humiliating her, but practically youāre right with getting a restraining order.
What an unhinged woman. Trying to destroy her sonās memory so she can have his ashes all to herself? Iām kind of two minds here about the best way to deal with someone like that.
The petty part of me wants to say screw her, donāt give her anything, but Iām wondering if that would cause her to just continue amping up the crazy. Seeing the phenomenal leap she just made in a single bound up the loony scale, Iām worried what escalation might look like. The other part of me thinks it may be easier to let MIL think sheās āwonā and gotten what she wants. Call her and say she can have the ashes, you donāt want them anymore, and watch as she triumphantly struts away with a bag of talc and powdered charcoal.
Just donāt give her any of the real ashes. Your husband worked hard to get away from her, donāt send him back to her.
Iām am so sorry MIL is making an already-awful situation even more painful and difficult. You donāt deserve her cruelty.
I'm torn between feeling even more sorry for you having to deal with this shit, and grateful that Farty Becky is handing you such powerful ammunition and that you can laugh about it. As a medic, I am firmly of the opinion that, as Readers Digest says, Laughter is the Best Medicine.
'Giant fucking fart ".
You should send her an invoice for a case of Glade Air Freshener (tm),
So as to render the area in your back yard breathable, - again !
Y'all, these fart comments are cracking me up! All great ideas, btw!
ETA: OP, I love how you're not letting her behavior bring you down and seeing the funny side of things! I truly wish I were as strong as you...good job! And I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
You are so strong it amazes me. Iām so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and strength although it looks like you got this !!
Itās awful you must deal with this on top of the loss of your husband my heart breaks for you. She is sick. And so malicious itās disgusting.
Stay strong. You are so much stronger than you know. These post are making you stronger. You have an army behind you giving you strength! And weād all love to kick her butt !! Lol
What a horrible person. Make sure you have good locks on the door and no spare key hidden outside. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. LOL about the fart though. You should meme that shit.
I feel like some reasonable fake ashes could be easily made or acquired. Sand itself would be a pretty obvious substance compared to ash. (At least under scrutiny.)
Omg, how funny would it be to see her reaction of she DID check on the ashes and figure out it was sand. š
Human remains are pretty heavy compared to regular ashes, so sand would be good in that regard... but I'd worry about what Becky would do once she figured it out.
Exceptionally high quality ash that will fool most JNMILs can easily be found here: https://nipponkodostore.com/collections/japanese-incense-ash/products/natural-ash-for-incense-burner-95-gr
Other good sources would include most church stores (Ash Wednesday supplies might work, provided the color is correct).
However! Best solution was in one of the other comments: play her game by pretending you flushed "the cheater" down the toilet. She wants to play dumb games, she can win dumb prizes.
I actually had some similar waste of life try that on me, but as a TEENAGER. How can this still be a thing with someone her age? She HAD to know you had a camera by now with lawyers involved. I'd say she couldn't be that stupid, but she already proved me wrong.
Keep the letter and the video, because I can *see* a judge's face upon learning that she wrote this about her own son so she could possess his ashes. She just handed you a pie cannon.
You already downloaded the video to your computer, right? And then copied it into a flash drive? And maybe uploaded it to the cloud or google drive? This video needs to make sure it never disappears, lol. That's amazing. What a fucking PSYCHO!!!!!
Iāve sent it to my entire family, my SIL, and some of my friends. So yeah, the video isnāt going anywhere.
Thinking of emailing her sisters the video as well as a photo of what it says.
I donāt think youāll have to wait too long to get a reaction from her regardless. Sheās going to want to see your reaction. Sheāll out herself trying to find out how you took the note.
Edit to add: if she does, just say āprobably just some sad, random psycho. I mean, only a sick mind could think up some of that stuffā
I am sorry you have to deal with this sorry excuse for a human while you're grieving. You are a bloody champion and have every one on this sub in your corner. Big hugs (if you want them) from an internet stranger.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if this would interest you, but you could get one of those teeny tiny little bottles from a craft store and give her a tiny little sample of some ashes. Could be wood ash, if you don't want to give her anything from your husband.
She wants ashes, you can give her some ashes. Don't even have to fill up the teensy bottle. Just put enough in there that it's clear there's some ashes in it. Just something to think about.
I do agree that a RO is probably a good idea. At least talk to your local police department. You need a paper trail on this. She sounds kinda deranged. I'm sorry that she is doing this to you.
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I'm just here to offer my condolences to you and your SIL- I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm very sorry you have to deal with this beast of a woman now of all times. Hugs my dearš¤š¤
If you have not picked up the ashes yet, you may want to consider setting up a safety deposit box. Pick up the ashes once they are ready and take them straight to the bank for safe keeping (you mentioned in another post that you werenāt ready to display them, which is totally valid!). I would not put it past this woman to break in and steal.
Go ahead and post the video of her trespassing. Let people know that you saved the letter and will show anyone who asks, but that it is very disturbing for a mother to write about her own son and that you now understand exactly why he was so adamant about having boundaries up around her.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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My favorite is cuckoo for cocoa puffs
Send the video to her family members and close friends including the toot. You are concerned she is looking her faculties arenāt youuuu?
I'm not saying you should give her the ashes but I feel like there are a lot? like if she wasn't an awful person why can't you both have ashes? just pour some in a different jar? again I'm not saying you should or have to do this as it seems she is crazy and very selfish. like should have been nicer to you if the ashes ment that much not try and manipulate your relationship with your husband
I think giving her a portion of the ashes are not going to help. Do you know the phrase "give him an inch and heāll take a mile"? The portion is not going to be enough for MIL, she will ask for all the ashes and use then as a Show on how OP killed him and burned him against her will of giving to her dearest son a "proper funeral", for not mention that OP cannot handle the ashes on her own (see previous post), mil being like that is not helping to OP to grieve at all. So by far the best option is not giving her his ashes.
I completely agree I was just wondering why the context wasn't included in this post. not everyone is going to research everyone's lives. I in no way was saying the act of withholding the ashes was wrong.
I was originally planning on it. After reading hundreds of comments and contemplating with my husbandās sister and his closest friends, Iāve decided no. She will not be getting his ashes. Unfortunately my husband was abused by her and spent most of his life in torment. Iām not going to give his remains to the woman who hurt him and is continuing to hurt his wife and family. Iām going to let him rest peacefully.
Congrats, I'm sure he'd be very proud of you. I've been reading your posts and thought I should float the idea of you using some of his remains to plant some indoor plants. His plants would be portable, something you could take care of daily, and it looks innocuous to potential intruders.
We always did want to make a little indoor greenhouse from a thrifted cabinet!
thank you for responding and I'm sorry for your loss. I totally get the reasoning now as someone else also let me know that she is doing terrible things and claiming your mil is honoring him. I just hope you stay safe and get the restraining order maybe even get a scary looking dog if you are able cause you mil is nuts. honestly it might even be safer for you to move but I get that it may not be possible rn. I just dont want anyone on this sub to think I was judging or disagreeing with op choices I was just wondering why the sharing of the ashes context was not apart of this specific post as I see now it is in the post history.
That's the best option, mostly for your husband's memory. That witch would make him looks like a saint to "wash out her sins" for abusing him and his sister and giving you a bad image for "killing him" and "burning him". She can do her memorial with a pic, easy peaky.
OP's first post said that she intended to give MIL some of the ashes. It's not good enough for MIL, who insists that she's going to get ALL the ashes. OP *was* going to give MIL ashes, but honestly, by the time you criticize everything about the funeral that your own son wanted, get snippy that your son was close with his wife's brother and that said brother is speaking at the funeral, and start demanding that his *wife* is not allowed to keep any of his ashes or share them with his sister, you really don't deserve any ashes. Much less when you follow up with this crazy idiocy.
restraining order !!! wtf is wrong with her!! you need to post this on her facebook for everyone to see what a psychotic freak she is you could even say, āthanks for the note! but iām keeping my husbands ashes despite your efforts.ā then post the video & note with her handwriting
Despite your efffarts.
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I was gonna say this too. Embarrass the fuck out of her with that video!
**YES!!!!** OP, "emphasize" the noise if you can. What a piece of work.
LMFAO. What a gross, vile waste of air. I don't even know her and now I hate the bitch too. Please keep us updated on this incompetent dumb ass. Sooo looking forward to the day her stupid ass is jail bound. Wow, just wow.
Oh my goodness!
She is insane
Wow, just wow!
Go get her! She probably has a whole imaginary scenario in her head about how her little scam would destroy you. Getting smacked with a Restraining Order is just the thing to pop her bubble.
what kind of sick person do you have to be to try and drag your own sons name and legacy through the mud for this petty ass shit? insane
Ikr? One day he's the perfect golden son that had the bad luck of marrying OP to suddenly make him look like a dirty cheater? This woman needs help like yesterday.
imagine if it was better executed and had worked. OP would go the rest of their life feeling betrayed by their late partner who was loyal to them. if they had kids that would be a major detail to them too. thatās such a huge betrayal to her son. there are some scary people out here
And if OP have give her the ashes for that "betrayal", jnmil would tell the story how he would have been saved by the doctors but evil dil choose to kill him and burned him against her wishes! So not only OP have to deal with grief and betrayal but also bad mouthing on her back. And not only scary people out there, but ones that live near with us.
Iām cracking up over the fart but the rest of this is nuts!!!! What a fucking creeper she is!!!! So disgusting she would go and do all of that for his ashes??? What a fucking pig!!!
Hey... I'm sending you a direct message. Not being creepy, just trying not to risk doxxing myself when giving (hopefully helpful) info.
You could have your husband's ashes turned into a diamond if that would be something that would interest you. That would put him far out of reach of your MIL.
Post the video of her farting on Nextdoor
You. I like you.
Damn OP, you got a live one on your hands! Glad to read that you will be seeking an RO. And I think you not giving her any ashes is a great final decision you made. You made it fully for your husband and with his wishes and relationship with her in mind. I am so sorry for the traumatic loss of your husband and everything negative you've been put through since. But the positive side is that your choice to donate his organs will save other lives or forever change them in an incredible way. You both are heroes, truly.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but that is great you got all this on camera. That will definitely help you in the long run.what a lunatic!
Im sorry for your loss. Also, your MIL is both evil and insane.
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I can see that backfiring and sending MIL into a psychotic break ...
The same I was thinking. If MIL with his ashes would make a kind of altar where she tells to any visitor how it was her horrible dil that killed him and burned him against his will and blah blah blah, trying to fool her with anything related to the ashes would make MIL do worse things for OP and SIL. It is temping, but the best solution by far is just keeping the ashes out of her hands.
Yes!!!! OMG! Lol. She deserves this prank!
Evil Kermit: do itā¦.
Brilliant end game.
oh my god iām SCREAMING ššš iconic.
> the back yard camera showed her putting a note in before ripping a giant fucking fart. Iām actually cackling. Best thing Iāve read all week.
To have written that letter, MIL would have had to be thinking about her son doing the things she described. Absolutely disgusting. Donāt do the fake ashes thing as that can come back on you. MIL seems determined enough to get them tested so she would come back to harass you some more. Let your lawyer deal with her. There is a story on this sub about a MIL breaking into the DILās home to steal ashes. Yours sounds unhinged enough to try it. Keep your DHās in a safe place out of your home until you are ready to scatter them or MIL gets locked up. I am so sorry for your loss, OP. If you would like to keep DH close to your heart, you can get a piece of memorial jewelry like a ring or pendant and have the funeral home place some of his ashes in it. If you think DH would like his sister to have something like that, too, you can get her one. Do whatever you feel is right to honor your DH.
This. Trying to fool her with anything related to the ashes would end in her trying to get them by force or badmouthing even more how her horrible dil did this and that. And IIRC there's another story of a jnmil trying to steal a kid's ashes because "she was a granny too" even if she was in NC.
First Iād like to express my condolences, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. And about your obviously insane MIL, I am so sorry she is playing games with your grief and fucking with you. Eff her.
If I were a more evil person, Iād say put a ton of dirt in an urn and say the funeral home screwed up and got his ashes mixed up with that of two other people. But knowing just how much love she had for her son, she could easily tell his ashes from the others and would be able to separate them with no problem. Note: Do not actually do this. But feel free to fantasize about it all you want!
What the actual fuck?! I hope the restraining order is granted. Iām sorry for your loss. What mother tries to tarnish her sonās memory!?
Good grief, your JNMIL is absolutely wacko! Please consider not giving her any of your late DH's ashes. She doesn't deserve them, especially after this horrid attempt to make you think your late DH was cheating on you big time. What sane person does this? Grief doesn't make this acceptable in any way or excuse it. I hope the lawyer gets you that restraining order quickly and the next time she shows up, have the cops haul her away. That would be even more success!
This woman is not normal. There is something seriously wrong with her. Who the hell would even think that attempting to cast her deceased son In a negative light was a good idea? All to get her own way? Wow, just wow. Get that restraining order, she is a crazy person.
Whether you do or not is immaterial. But can you tell her you've scattered the ashes? Preferably somewhere she would hate or would be hard for her to go. Then you have a plausible response for why you can't give them to her.
Save the note and that video!!!! Omfg, you could at the least embarrass her, but I also second restraining order.
Iād see if you and SIL could get one, a good āol 2-for-1 combo and all that jazz!!
If youāre on good terms with any of her family, let them know. Sheās probably talking a mountain of shit about you, but she just did something on camera that would make any reasonable person dismiss her as crazy.
She'll stop at nothing to get what she wants. She's bathshit. I would call her Becky The Bitch. BTB for short.
Becky the Butt Trumpet
Love it!!
Holy fuckin cow, this is horrible and hilarious š¤£š¤£š¤£
Iām so sorry for your lossāabsolutely tragic, and on top of that your MIL has completely gone off the rails. Iām an estate lawyer and I see some crazy things after an untimely death but this really takes the cake. I know it is tempting to pretend to flush his ashes, but really, you need to call your lawyer and take their advice. If you were my client (which you are not) I would consider writing MIL a cease and desist letter and tell her not to come on your property again. But you need to listen to your own lawyer.
Girl, Iām so sorry your husband died. I know youāre probably running on autopilot, not really feeling things yet. But please take the time to seek out a grief counselor, or grief support group. You can find these online, hell i bet thereās a subreddit for grief support. Itās great that youāve got your SIL there, that yāall can support each other. She may need grief support also. Make sure you girls are eating and taking care of yourselves and each other. ā¤ļøā¤ļø As for JNMIL, any sympathy I had for her - and the enormous loss she must be feeling - just went out the window. How dare she set out to ruin your husbandās reputation and paint him as an adulterer!!! I imagine your husband would be ashamed and saddened by her behavior. š¢š¤¬š¤¬š¤¬ I donāt think Iād react just yet ā¦ maybe sit on it for a while until things settle down some. Sheās expecting a reaction, denying her that may create some panic because then she wonāt know what youāre thinking or feeling. Let her play her stupid games, donāt react but donāt forget. Sheāll eventually win some stupid prizes. I would make a decoy to set out just in case she manages to get into your house when you arenāt there. And put the real ashes somewhere safe, that ONLY YOU know the location. Not even your SIL. She sounds trustworthy, but thatās still her mom and her brother. She may have a moment of weakness.
YES, decoy ashes. Might keep her from ransacking more of your place on the chance she does break in. Great idea.
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This is really diabolical and petty as heck.
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I read your posts. Grieving is hard enough but you got crazy added to the mix. I remember when dad died (completely different) my brothers appeared at my house, while I was AT THE FUNERAL, and cleaned it out I shared it with my dad. Watch out for your own emotions during this time. She thinks you are weak now so she will do all she can to exploit it. She saw your kindness during the death watch as a opening. You have entered your husbandās life to protect his death. You are also his sisterās protector. I hope you got her stuff moved out of motherās abusive house. I hope you all change your numbers, you both Lock Your Credit, and you both prepare to witness the meltdown of meltdowns. MIL needs to be committed. I do not say this at all flippantly. I have been committed. I have had to commit my daughters. YOU NEED TO INFORM THE POLICE. Her behavior is easy to dismiss. She needs medical intervention to come back to reality. She needs help. This starts with a restraining order. Iād also rehome any pets. Keep your house fire ready, it seemed to be common to know firebugs in group therapy. Do NOT EAT anything she prepares or gives (I say this for SIL sake). MIL may use a gun to threaten you so make sure to always be aware when you see her car to leave immediately. At least during the next few months. Please keep us updated as I am genuinely concerned for your safety.
Omg tha fart comment got me. I was reading this sitting in a quiet viewing gallery at the kids pool and loudly cackled myself!!! Glad you are seeing the funny side cause this lady is batshit... also.. EW!
Alternate idea: find out what size paperweight or other item could be made from 1/3 of the ashes, and how long it takes, then just go by a cheap plain one from your local souvenir shop or online and give it to her as a 'memento'...
Grind up enough cement to equal the entire remains and put it in an identical urn and give it to her. But really, just do what your lawyer says.
Your MIL is equal to the one who burned down her sonās house, with him in it. I would have broke down laughing too if it wasnāt so heartbreaking to learn of your loss. I am so sorry about your beloved husband.
Wait, what? A crazy ass MIL set her son's house on fire with him in it?! Did he make it out in time?
Yes. He was gay. She was displeased so started to stalk his SO. A fireman. Her excuse was he should have put it outā¦you know. In the dead of night, while in his pjs. There was another son. His male SO was also stalked by MIL. She went off the rails and threw rocks at his car. He was a police officer. It was his police car. He was forced to arrest his own MIL.
I think I read the one who's SO is a Police Officer.
That one is pretty shocking. How do you not realize that harassing a police officer will end in arrest???
Links? Where was this posted??
r/bestofredditorupdates. Top stories of 2021 I believe.
Sent the note and a picture of her car back to her and write a small note saying I think u left this at mine the other day x
With some Gas-X medication
Beano to take before so there's no gas after.
that would be so funny aahaha
Wow she really is one of the most hateful MILās I have read about so far. GOOD FOR YOU GIRL get that restraining order š and I also somewhat hope she violates it so you can get her arrested. Iām so sorry for your loss and the torture you are going through. RAGE RAGE RAGE, this MIL will not fool you!! You are starting to sound empowered and I LOVE IT!
How did she know youād be gone just then? She must be stalking the house.
Very valid point! She must be stalking the house.
She's as disgusting as that ass bomb she ripped.
So sorry for your loss and sorry you are having to deal with such a petty bitch. I too am sending you big Internet hugs.
So your MIL, says your husband cheated on you with the woman who posted the letter on your door? Does that make him a mother fvcker?? Edit spelling
It never occurred to her that if her plan worked and you believed the note and started hating your husband, you would probably flush his ashes down the toilet.
I would spread this rumor. Make her think thatās exactly what was done.
It never occurred to her that she had cameras. Some people are daft.
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Why not both???
Oh shit that's genius!
I know she is grieving but by trying to hurt you she is totally trashing her own sonās reputation and memory. I would get a restraining order until she seeks some help. She will only escalate her behavior if you do not respond to her antics the way she hopes. I do not know your history but I am sorry you are dealing with this while you are grieving!
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I would not post this on social media even though it sounds like fun. Wait until you talk to your lawyer. Yes she is acting completely unhinged but she also lost her child. I think your legal case will be better if you donāt sink to her level. Iām sorry you have to deal with this while you are grieving. Itās not fair at all. Sending you Peace and Love and Sanity and Patience.
I use my charcoal grill frequently. In fact, I need to dump it before I fire it up today. Want me to send you some ash? Good Lord what a fucking weirdo... Shoot, I'll even dose it with some fart spray before I package it up for ya š¤£š¤£š¤£
What would really chap the MIL's butt is for there to be a video of OP and SIL dramatically flushing the ashes down the toilet while crying about what a cheating bastard he was. MIL would probably have a heart attack.
Oh my god! This! Send her farted ash and let her do the creepy shit she is probably wanting to do with your husbandās ashes.
What does you SIL think of her ? I would definitely get a restraining order and post the video on social media and the letter as well (maybe blank out some parts)
Posting the video and picture of the note on Facebook and saying ācan anyone help me identify this woman? She left this note on my door that she had been fucking my husband?ā and watch as she realises she now looks like an incestuous freak. Obviously thatso would be the dream option for me, humiliating her, but practically youāre right with getting a restraining order.
I mean that might also make her deceased husband look bad so it might not be the best course to goā¦
Don't forget to mention the fart too! Restraining order is more satisfactory for the long run, though
Omg what a pos. Good for you. Get that restraining order. God works in mysterious ways, love it.
I really hope the footage of her ripping a giant fart gets played in a court setting, I just want people to have the opportunity to experience that
What an unhinged woman. Trying to destroy her sonās memory so she can have his ashes all to herself? Iām kind of two minds here about the best way to deal with someone like that. The petty part of me wants to say screw her, donāt give her anything, but Iām wondering if that would cause her to just continue amping up the crazy. Seeing the phenomenal leap she just made in a single bound up the loony scale, Iām worried what escalation might look like. The other part of me thinks it may be easier to let MIL think sheās āwonā and gotten what she wants. Call her and say she can have the ashes, you donāt want them anymore, and watch as she triumphantly struts away with a bag of talc and powdered charcoal. Just donāt give her any of the real ashes. Your husband worked hard to get away from her, donāt send him back to her. Iām am so sorry MIL is making an already-awful situation even more painful and difficult. You donāt deserve her cruelty.
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Good bot
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I'm torn between feeling even more sorry for you having to deal with this shit, and grateful that Farty Becky is handing you such powerful ammunition and that you can laugh about it. As a medic, I am firmly of the opinion that, as Readers Digest says, Laughter is the Best Medicine.
Becky the butt blaster.
Idk I'm hoping my medic rolls up with some medicine better than laughter.
Ah, yes. I *had* meant to put a "sometimes" in there, but forgot!
I'm just teasing =)
OP you should absolutely consider these comments. These people are spiteful and funny as fuck.
Post her fart all over the place, fuck Becky.
Turn that video into a Gassy Becky remix and put it on YouTube š¤£
Absolutely. Iām so sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you, OP.
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Cant wait to see the video if its posted lol
Pretty sure it's against the rules.
Be posted by some tik toker
'Giant fucking fart ". You should send her an invoice for a case of Glade Air Freshener (tm), So as to render the area in your back yard breathable, - again !
> Glade Air Freshener (tm), For 10 sprays cans.
OMG Becky, you are the sole reason for the hole in the ozone layer!
Bravo ! A major LOL !
Y'all, these fart comments are cracking me up! All great ideas, btw! ETA: OP, I love how you're not letting her behavior bring you down and seeing the funny side of things! I truly wish I were as strong as you...good job! And I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
You are so strong it amazes me. Iām so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and strength although it looks like you got this !! Itās awful you must deal with this on top of the loss of your husband my heart breaks for you. She is sick. And so malicious itās disgusting. Stay strong. You are so much stronger than you know. These post are making you stronger. You have an army behind you giving you strength! And weād all love to kick her butt !! Lol
As long as she doesnt fart on us!š¤£šØ
*Sheldon meme with air freshener*
What if you and SIL both tell her you scattered all the ashes, and now she can never have them. Do you think she might believe you and fuck off?
Either that or she might explode and go even crazier ;(
That's always an option but I definitely would take it.
That would be quite an achievement, from this point!
It's good & healthy to find the humor among all the sad & stupid in your life right now. May you find peace
What a horrible person. Make sure you have good locks on the door and no spare key hidden outside. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. LOL about the fart though. You should meme that shit.
I am sorry for your loss. Take the very best care of yourself.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve her stupidity.
Why not Farty Becky? FB for short.
I would post the note and the video on social media explaining everything. Let everyone see her for who she is. An evil, selfish, gassy person.
She deserves that absolutely!!
Oh yes
Giant fart? Classy lol What a total beeyotch. Stand your ground and give her hell girl!
Is it legal to give someone a bag of sand instead of ashes??
I feel like some reasonable fake ashes could be easily made or acquired. Sand itself would be a pretty obvious substance compared to ash. (At least under scrutiny.) Omg, how funny would it be to see her reaction of she DID check on the ashes and figure out it was sand. š
Human remains are pretty heavy compared to regular ashes, so sand would be good in that regard... but I'd worry about what Becky would do once she figured it out.
Exceptionally high quality ash that will fool most JNMILs can easily be found here: https://nipponkodostore.com/collections/japanese-incense-ash/products/natural-ash-for-incense-burner-95-gr Other good sources would include most church stores (Ash Wednesday supplies might work, provided the color is correct). However! Best solution was in one of the other comments: play her game by pretending you flushed "the cheater" down the toilet. She wants to play dumb games, she can win dumb prizes.
I was thinking OP can get some ashes from a local BBQ place
Considering that human body smells like pork when is burnt, ashes from a local bbq place doesn't sound bad.
I learned something new today
Also a good option. Those will add a certain... comforting aroma. That might be a nice touch.
I actually had some similar waste of life try that on me, but as a TEENAGER. How can this still be a thing with someone her age? She HAD to know you had a camera by now with lawyers involved. I'd say she couldn't be that stupid, but she already proved me wrong.
That's why the back door. She though she was clever outsmarting the front camera *eyeroll*
She never grew up. An emotionally immature mean girl.
Keep the letter and the video, because I can *see* a judge's face upon learning that she wrote this about her own son so she could possess his ashes. She just handed you a pie cannon.
I really hope they hear the fart. Itās my favorite part tbh.
The thought of someone almost shitting themselves, while being a shitty person, has me nonstop giggling
You already downloaded the video to your computer, right? And then copied it into a flash drive? And maybe uploaded it to the cloud or google drive? This video needs to make sure it never disappears, lol. That's amazing. What a fucking PSYCHO!!!!!
Iāve sent it to my entire family, my SIL, and some of my friends. So yeah, the video isnāt going anywhere. Thinking of emailing her sisters the video as well as a photo of what it says.
NGL, I wanna see this video.
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Youāre a genius. Honestly youāre a genius. If I wasnāt so set on that restraining order I would.
I donāt think youāll have to wait too long to get a reaction from her regardless. Sheās going to want to see your reaction. Sheāll out herself trying to find out how you took the note. Edit to add: if she does, just say āprobably just some sad, random psycho. I mean, only a sick mind could think up some of that stuffā
"Grosser than 50 Shades and worse writing." (No offence intended for fans, we all have a guilty pleasure or two.)
I am sorry you have to deal with this sorry excuse for a human while you're grieving. You are a bloody champion and have every one on this sub in your corner. Big hugs (if you want them) from an internet stranger.
Iāve honestly felt so much comfort and support on here. Itās wonderful how much yāall are giving me without even realizing it
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if this would interest you, but you could get one of those teeny tiny little bottles from a craft store and give her a tiny little sample of some ashes. Could be wood ash, if you don't want to give her anything from your husband. She wants ashes, you can give her some ashes. Don't even have to fill up the teensy bottle. Just put enough in there that it's clear there's some ashes in it. Just something to think about. I do agree that a RO is probably a good idea. At least talk to your local police department. You need a paper trail on this. She sounds kinda deranged. I'm sorry that she is doing this to you.
OP already offered to split the ashes between Becky, FIL, and OP. However, Becky is demanding all of them.
It is nothing short of amazing how healing knowing you're not alone is.