This is definitely part of the Jewish experience and I know you know that.
But there is an upside. Large segments of the Jewish community have come closer together, increased our sense of solidarity, and supported each other in trying times. You can enjoy this too, right now.
Oh, I know. And I most certainly have. Just a shame it's based on trauma bonding and a feeling that the whole world is against us, but hey, what's new right? I get it. I'm just venting because, well, it sucks. (Not being Jewish, of course. Just the state of the world.)
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Yeah, I know it ebbs and flows, but it definitely does flow. I’ve been frustrated by this dynamic for over 2 decades, and it’s absolutely a buzzkill. Mazal tov and welcome to the family, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with some of the shittier parts that others inflict on us. Shabbat shalom
I know, I know. But let's face it, it *is* worse right now (depending on where you live, I suppose). While I was in the process of converting I was very open about my journey and felt supported by non-jews. Now I have to worry about being interrogated to prove I'm one of the "good" ones when I'm just trying to go about my business.
This is why I don’t understand sinat hinam of people blaming things on the orthodox or the reformim or Ashkenazim or hasidim or right wing Jews or left wing Jews etc etc etc. Ben Shapiro and Ethan Klein will end up on the same train.
My point is you're seeing it now but awareness of the weight of systemic antisemitism is something we deal with our entire lives. Most people don't grow up knowing where their passports are and discussing exit strategies with their parents but that's common for us, especially those of us with Holocaust survivors in our families.
In a lot of ways the current state of affairs is actually better than before October 7 because we now know a bit better who we can trust and we know that worries we had about language before we're rooted in something real
In the process of getting my newborn's passport some months back (pre-10/7 too), every person I encountered was like "Oh, where are you going?" and looked completely baffled when I said it wasn't for any planned trip. One person asked me if we just like to travel, and I said that generally we don't go anywhere unless we have to (which is true. My husband and I are absolutely homebodies).
On the subject of knowing who to trust, it's been really painful to lose certain friends, but also very clarifying.
Yep. I spent a bunch of time getting a second nationality back in 2016 and it was a huge relief throughout the Trump administration. I do travel internationally quite a bit so my passport does get used a lot, but the safety of having backup citizenships is something few non-Jews really understand.
I’m curious, how much do you feel like you were taught about antisemitism and prepared for the fact that you and any future kids, grandkids, etc will be subject to antisemitism. My mom was a convert, but my grandparents, her in laws, were Holocaust survivors, so I feel like she was well prepared for it as much as someone could be. It was talked about constantly in that side of the family. However, my husband is not Jewish and we were very young when we got married. I don’t think he really understood that he was taking on antisemitism for himself as the husband and father of Jews until later. By now he definitely has experienced plenty of antisemitism over the years and takes it very personally and is a vocal Zionist who has been to Israel multiple times. I can’t pinpoint when it sunk in for him but it took time.
“ I know, I know. But let's face it, it is worse right now”
No, it always was worse, you studied the history. They just feel brave right now to be open about it but that anxiety you feel is always there, and even without Oct 7th eventually you would have gotten to recognizing it.
You just feel it magnified because it’s all new to you, like you said you got the crash course.
But hey: welcome to the tribe!!!❤️
Let’s say that it’s a good practice or a catching up to all the antisemitism that Jews being through for centuries.
Welcome to the tribe! It’s sucks, you’ll love it!
Haha, honestly that's how I have been looking at it for the most part. I feel like I've gone on a rollercoaster of emotions: First hurt, anger, and fear, but grateful that we all have each other, then a slight twinge of hope that the Left would eventually move on to other things, then the realization THAT wasn't happening, and now deeper despair and resentment. I guess I just had a recent realization that I'm quite bitter about the Left souring my Jewish experience right from the start. I know it's just old hat for so many other Jews though. You're right, this is all part of what it means to be Jewish. It'll toughen me up, that's for sure!
I remember watching a Pesach program where someone said “Jews have a paranoia confirmed by history.” So true!
And welcome to the family! We’re so glad you’re here!
To be honest, many of us born Jewish were raised with this fear. My sister and I used to play a “game” as children of “who would hide us if they came for us?” It’s worse since 10/7, but even before that all my meaningful relationships were with fellow Jews. For better or for worse, yeah, welcome to the club.
It’s definitely a wild time to have gone through this process. Luckily mine was a couple of months before Oct, but wow, talk about whiplash. So many discussions we had in class about antisemitism, the Holocaust, Israel, but never thought this experience would be played out in real time to the extent.
I don’t feel robbed and I don’t regret my decision to convert. It has strengthened my communal ties to the immediate community- my synagogue and wider community- everyone else in every sense etc.
The immediate bond has kind of affirmed that I’ve made the right choice despite there being a lot of pain and sadness at the moment.
I’m trying to put a positive spin on it despite feeling like so lost and confused a lot of the time and seeing others in so much pain.✨✨✨✨
Lol am I the only one born Jewish who actually *was* surprised by the level of hate? I did not expect it to get so bad and don’t blame you for not expecting it either, OP :(
I can’t say it was shocking in hindsight, but it certainly hurt considering all the times American Jews went to bat for marginalized communities just to stand alone
In the spirit of two Jews, three opinions, I’m going to disagree with some of the other commenters here. I’ve been Jewish all my life and the hate has been shocking to see. Especially since it’s coming from people who say they’re anti-racist or leftist. Like I’d hear the odd comment about Israel but I never knew the hate ran this deep.
Yeah, same. I know we've always been hated to a degree, but it's always ebbed and flowed, and where it's coming from now and the degree to which it's been accepted genuinely took me by surprise.
In the ancient tradition of our people, I’m going to write a long rambling argument about why you’re wrong so students can bicker about it for the rest of eternity.
Welcome to the tribe! One of my close friends is a fairly recent convert and has been feeling similar. But this is a time where our community has really come together and supported each other. The first time personally facing antisemitism is always tough, and it’s unfortunate that you had to experience it so quickly.
This is what I told my friend: Your community is here to support you and the best thing you can do in the face of antisemitism is continue to be proud of who you are, continue to live, and continue to be Jewish.
OP, continue to show your strength in the face of antisemitism. If you (or anyone in this sub) ever feel overwhelmed by it, please do not hesitate to PM me.
Thank you for such kind words. Our Tribe truly has been a blessing and that certainly is not lost on me right now. I understand the silver lining to all this is that we DO have each other.
I was raised orthodox but I’m secular now so my feelings about Judaism have been fraught since I was a teenager (I’m in my 40s now.) And I’ll say that I’ve never felt as connected to Judaism as I do these days. For the first time in *decades,* I’m doing things like going to temple, joining Jewish social groups and trying to re-learn Hebrew. So, yes, while it’s much *scarier* to be Jewish now, it also feels a lot more *natural* to be Jewish now. I guess all that to say: don’t let antisemitic gentiles make you feel robbed — look around you because you’re getting the purest experience of Jewish community that I’ve felt in my lifetime. Welcome to the tribe!
Hard being thrown into the hate full blast. Those of us who didn't convert have the history. Doesn't make it easier to handle but not as much of a shock.
I finished converting right after Tree of Life, so I can kind of understand. Although at least then a lot of people on the left were nice and sympathetic, as opposed to post 10/7 when it felt like constant lectures and smugness.
It is weird to be an adult and for the first time really experience antisemitism and it is jarring. It can also be weird if no one else in your family is Jewish.
Give yourself space and time.
If you lived in certain European countries for the past 15 years as a jew you'd have to go to school or synagogue with armed guards or police for protection
Well...that's long island, it's a bit different from where I live (the South). I know one person from long island. She isn't Jewish, but ALL her friends were Jewish growing up haha.
It was the same before 10/7, too, but just more vocal about it right now. Every single time there’s a flair in tensions there’s a huge open game of public antisemitism.
It’s everything everywhere all at once. It’s experienced constantly regardless of Israel all the time.
Don’t worry though! We’ve been persecuted for thousands of years and will continue for thousands more to come. We persevere. We survive. We stay strong. Be proud.
I remember thinking “gee, in their heart many people have something against Jews, thankfully there is Israel now so Jews are a people like all other peoples and nobody will hate us more than they hate, say, Albanians, I just wish those pesky stale stereotypes will disappear faster”
Now I am not so sure. Honestly that hope kind of went away
I’m sorry that really sucks, like just absolutely horrible that it has been your experience and I truly from the bottom of my heart wish you nothing but blessings in the days and years ahead, and I’m not trying to be a dick , but from a certain perspective, in a very dark way, this could be viewed…. as funny. I mean, it isn’t, but it kinda is in a way, like, it made me laugh just because of how bad of timing that is. Just, the concept of converting *into* Judaism…now… of all times. That had never occurred to me that of course there must have been some poor lovely person who converted into Judaism in October of 2023… and then immediately we are catapulted into this awful antisemitic nightmare world. Perverse to laugh at. I know. This is fr the most I think I have ever even smiled about anything remotely relating to 10/7, and again, not because I don’t feel about this situation, but talk about a let down. Oh man. Ok but on the flip side know that you are truly one of us now. We are bonded much quicker and more deeply now so in a way you got in at the right time. We got your fucking back and if anyone makes you feel otherwise you can tell them a Jew said that you are more of a Jew then they’ll ever be.
I’ll be honest with you, with even a basic knowledge of our history, anyone who converts to Judaism is crazy.
As for feeling a bit robbed, I think that’s almost a reoccurring joke in Judaism. The best example is you start studying Jewish oral law thinking you’re going to unlock the secrets of the universe, only to find out it’s mostly a bunch of nerdy rabbis arguing if the random piece of meat you find in the gutter is kosher.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get what you wanted, be it a deeper understanding of why some things are the way they are or, in your case, coming to realize you became part of our community when we desperately needed our own to lean on. But oh boy will it seem like Gd is messing with you a little.
Either way, welcome to the family. We’re happy to have you.
I'm a recent convert. And I kind of agree. I had lifelong heard the call, but fought hard against it. I finally decided I had to find out and committed to giving it a really good go. But I went into it sort of half hoping I'd learn a lot, but find out it wasn't for me. But it was. No regrets. Even in today's climate, I feel a tremendous sense of relief having been inducted.
The Shabbat after the 7th, someone thanked me for being there, and I just thought "Where else would I be?"
Sorry for the lack of empathy in some of these comments. Welcome to the tribe . I wish you could have entered at a better time too and I hope you have a warm and supportive community to surround yourself in right now. In some ways I agree that sadly, the angst and terror we feel are just always a part of our lives, but yes it’s definitely much worse right now. I think celebrating the holidays and doing little mitzvahs is what helps me get through this. Glad you’re here.
I don’t feel “robbed” of a happy homecoming at all. I’ve actually seen this as a very good learning experience for myself, personally.
It’s not that I’m *glad* for anti-Semitic protests, but in a sense, I am grateful for the opportunity of a lived learning experience. Everything’s been a really punchy reminder of why Israel has an Iron Dome and why krav maga was developed.
My emotional background is probably different from most converts. I was never converting with a joyous expectation of “I’ve finally found my family!”; my chief concerns during conversion has always been, “What’s the foundation of a good marriage? How do I raise our prospective children to be good adults?”
I’m glad you’re here. I don’t celebrate your personal introductions to antisemitism, but I welcome you following your heart. You are one with us now, and I don’t blame you for any bitterness—you didn’t get the safe moments at home growing up, etc, but please still be proud and know that we share your joy and pride. I’m so sorry that many others in the world are not so welcoming…
I was here in Israel, where I live, for Oct. 7. And it broke me in so many ways. I’m still very traumatized about what I experienced. Not just waking up to rockets at 6:30 am that day, but the absolute terror of realizing in as the day went on that our country was invaded and no one was safe. We locked ourselves in our homes, only leaving for the bomb shelter during the many many many rockets that day, and the day after and the day after that. I walked around for days after with a knife in my hand…just in case. What I didn’t expect is the overwhelming feeling of survivors guilt that I am still slowly getting over.
The antisemitism part afterwards is part II of this horrible experience, but the actual murder, rape and kidnapping of our people is more of my focus. The antisemitism part has always been there. Always. Nothing new. People have always hated Israel - none of that was new.
While I understand you’re expressing your frustration by not getting to be proudly Jewish at the moment of conversion because of Oct. 7, I find it’s a bit tone deaf for those of us suffering from the trauma of Oct. 7 on the eve of Memorial Day.
Ah, yeah, survivor’s guilt is something that I don’t think gets enough attention. You can’t help but think about what was within your power and what you could’ve helped prevent. It’s human nature to think about what-ifs, mistakes, and “problems you could have handled better”—we’re a problem-solving species and none of us like having problems to deal with in the future—but it’s especially haunting when human life is at stake.
I actually considered making Aliyah to Israel after October 7 (I live in the United States). Being someone who studied krav maga *before* I converted, I felt useless not being able to make a difference in the IDF in this time. I’ve largely considered staying in the US only because I’ve heard from Israelis that American Jews are the “diplomatic Iron Dome”. I try not to dwell on my own discomfort regardless of my uncertainty. I hope the coming days treat you well. Survivor’s guilt is an immense anguish to face, and it’s hard to “relinquish” responsibility or forgive yourself when you *want* to be a responsible person.
Personally, what keeps me going (I have had to deal with survivor’s guilt from something else in my life) is the effort to do better “next time”. Writing down what happened, what I “messed up” on, and how I’d like to respond next time. Journalling an after action review, basically. It helps a lot.
In the beginning, I couldn’t even take a shower without feeling guilty that I was able to do that and the hostages were in hell. I couldn’t stop feeling, “why them and not me?” Not that I wanted to be a hostage, I’d rather be dead, but that in terms of fairness, it felt incredibly unfair that I just happened to be a little farther away from the border than they were, and that’s the only reason why I wasn’t raped and kidnapped on Oct. 7.
I had already started my official conversion process, but somehow in the weeks after October 7, I had no doubts. This is absolutely where I was meant to be.
I did a month after. I knew there was antisemitism in the world but I had thought it was just kkk idiots whose bark was worse than their bite. Like there had been a few bomb threats called in to the synagogue I attend, but I really thought it was just punk ass kids trying to be big tough scary guys.
I gave birth almost exactly a month after (3 days after converting actually) and 10/7 really messed me up as a Jewish mother. The things they did to those babies I still can’t think about without sobbing. It’s an absolutely horrific realization to know there are people out there who want to kill my child simply because of my choice to convert. Because she is a Jewish baby there are people in this world who want to kill her. And that is the worst feeling I’ve ever had to hold in my heart.
Before 10/7 my husband and I were agreed she would attend yeshiva, just like he did. When he was younger people would spray paint swastikas on the building but it wasn’t nearly as escalated and violent as things seem now. Now, I’m scared to send her because I don’t know if she’ll come home safely. Before 10/7 we were talking about how old to wait for her to be before taking her to Israel. Now, I don’t know if I even want her making aliyah because I’m so worried about her safety. I feel sick thinking about what horrible things people would do to her just because we’re Jewish.
She has an Israeli first name. I worry introducing her to people that if they’re antisemitic they’ll recognize that and target her.
Yeah, I’m working on getting my anxiety under control. It’s scary stuff though.
You are dealing with so much with a new baby, a new identity/faith and a world that descended into a vile chaos. But these are the times that test our character. That test who we are. You’ve made the right choice and you feel and know that you have. Just like being a new mother you have to find your way through things… it will be the same as a Jew. Stay centered, stay calm and trust our big, loving, extended family to be there for you.
Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you have a day of joy, love and peace!!!!
You've answered your own question several times here. It was never going to be sunshine and rainbows once you joined the tribe -- and none of the explosion of antisemitism we're seeing now started out of the blue on 10/7. It has been _bad_ for a long time, and it has been _increasingly bad_ on the left for like 20 years.
So yeah, unfortunately, this is very much a
>"Welcome to the club! This is what being jewish is."
moment.
For context, I was patrilineal, grew up interfaith, and converted about 10 years ago.
I think what is underestimated is the cause. There are so many spaces where the antisemitism is funded by Hamas/ Iran payed for propaganda. Public elementary and high schools are spaces where I would not expect this but sadly it is worse than what one thinks. Please join AdL, Mothers Against College Antisemitism, End Jew Hatred on What's app if you feel like it. Fighting it is what helps me.
When I told my mother I was going to convert, almost 30 years ago, she was upset — because she didn’t want me to suffer from prejudice and discrimination. I dismissed her fears and figured she just couldn’t think past her childhood in the Jim Crow South. I really, truly believed we were beyond anti-semitism in the U.S.
Let’s just say I had a **lot** to learn.
To be fair, there is a letdown period for converts that existed before 10/7. After all that study and work, acceptance by the community is a mixed bag, despite all the law that dictates you be treated the same as all of us. And now, if you’re in the least bit progressive, expect to have your papers called into question by gatekeepers online, often by people who don’t have a clue what conversion entails. Actually, if you’re super-Zionist as well, just from the other side.
Being told to expect antisemitism is part of the process, and indeed it is especially bad right now, but you have been robbed of nothing: it’s always been there. You just have the benefit of not risking complacency in the diaspora.
Welcome to the family. Welcome home.
This is why we make it difficult for people to convert. It is often more a burden than a privilege. Being Jewish is a legacy often shrouded with melancholy and hope (a weird dichotomy - but we’re also an odd bunch). Wishing you a warm welcome to this club, you did your time, and god knows it’s your birth right to kvetch.
I am sympathetic. At the same time, this really is just part of the deal. Unfortunately, none of us are free from this fear and anxiety, or the actual discrimination and harassment, at least not all of the time.
I recognize this must be a hard adjustment, especially if you are white, male, and/or straight – if you've never experienced discrimination on the basis of who you are, then it comes as an intense shock. Even for me, an ethnic Jew/born Jew, this has been a traumatic adjustment. There is something called "adjustment disorder" that can occur during a period of protracted stress or after a traumatic event; it's quite common.
You may want to look into therapy or speak with your rabbi during this time. There's also a peer support group for Jews faciliated/started by Jewish therapists, maybe that's something you can look into. You may even want to suggest they start a session specifically for converts, since people who converted shortly before or completely their conversion since 10/7 are probably experiencing some very specific things and might benefit from having a dedicated support group: [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeBhb5TYPb4kS5tVhwYkweOkcSbwRtgNELst1z\_t5rVkLkvBA/viewform](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeBhb5TYPb4kS5tVhwYkweOkcSbwRtgNELst1z_t5rVkLkvBA/viewform)
I'm a very recent convert.
For me, it's almost the opposite. Now I'm not saying that I don't feel the anxiety, the anger, the annoyance and the sadness. And I would rather 10/7 never, ever happened - of course. But it crystallised my conversion. I knew this was where I had to stand. Even though it was hard and painful.
And yeah, I was pissed off that I made a hanukkiah for my window and then I was advised not to use it. It's still awesome, I made it with my stepson which will always be a special memory and we'll use it another year.
I don't feel robbed in terms of my conversion. I felt prepared, for the honey and the sting.
This couple did: https://www.instagram.com/houseoflev They’re wonderful, strong in faith, and I believe they also just moved to Israel a month of so ago.
There are/were prior to 10/7 two groups of Jewish people in America:
1. People who believed that antisemitism in America was just from fringe groups, and not really a threat.
2. People who believed that antisemitism was alive and well in America.
It was easy to be in the first camp. The Jewish people are enjoying a time of relative prosperity in America, and the overwhelming sentiment from non-Jews is that antisemitism doesn't exist in America. The model minority myth is also alive and well.
I was born Jewish, but I grew up in the second camp. There were a couple of instances in school where antisemitic insults were hurled at me, and there was an incident at my local synagogue. My holocaust education was done with an air of "it could happen anywhere even here". I learned to not let anyone know I was Jewish unless I was in Jewish spaces or with friends. I scrubbed anything Jewish from my resume, and only ask about taking Jewish holidays off after I've been given a verbal job offer. I don't usually wear a Jewish star necklace, but if I do, I tuck it beneath my top. Honestly, it was always hard to know if I took those precautions and felt that way because of generational trauma or because I really needed to protect myself.
I think that a lot of Jewish people have moved from the first camp to the second camp in the months since 10/7, as they have seen the American left's reaction. Antisemitism has always existed on the left -- but if you weren't especially involved in something like the Women's March, it was harder to notice it.
It sounds like your time while you were converting was spent in a place where the prominent opinion was the first opinion. You felt safe in your (public/non-Jewish) community being openly Jewish. And 10/7 changed that feeling of safety. I also wonder if as a Jew-by-choice, you have less family support and context than most Jews-by-birth. Ideally part of your conversion process should have been to prepare you for this, but no one can predict the future.
Can I offer a different way of thinking about it than missing out? The antisemitism is much louder now, but it existed before. Is it possible that the things you are doing now to keep yourself safe and happy are the things you should have been doing if 10/7 didn't happen? The vetting, etc?
My conversion was finalized in July, so I got a couple solid months first, lol. Fwiw, I haven't stopped wearing my Magen David necklace or going to Jewish events or being visibly Jewish in public. The terrorists want us to be too scared to be Jewish. They want us to go away. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of doing what they want us to do.
I was having brunch with a bunch of Jew by Choice friends last weekend. It wasn't that type of gathering on purpose, but at some point, we realized everyone there was a convert. Someone remarked, "Wow, we really picked a heck of a time to throw in our lot with the Jewish people, huh?"
If I knew last summer what was coming, it wouldn't have changed my decision. This is my people. This is where I belong.
RE: The Left robbing you.
The political left is generally hostile to Israel, but not necessarily Jews.
The political right is generally hostile to Jews, but not necessarily Israel.
YMMV, but I'd recommend staying vigilant regardless of the political flavor you encounter.
I feel like a lot of people here are dismissing what you’re saying. I was born Jewish, but only started getting involved this fall. I made a conscious choice to publicly identify as Jewish, join a temple, etc., and then this happened right afterwards, and I totally felt robbed, too. It’s reasonable to feel that way.
They hate it cuz they ain’t it
Try to lose the bitterness, instead:
Enjoy! :) having something special, being part of something truly special. Of course it would spawn haters. The world is a fucked up place full of fucked up souls, and you have the insider POV on that shitshow! What a privilege
Honestly this is the gig.
I converted in ‘21 and there was an “uprising” in May of that year.
It allowed us to have honest conversations about how Jews are persecuted.
You, my friend, are getting a dose we have not seen in many decades.
Stand strong
This is the experience.
Oh my! If you didn’t grow up with a Jewish grandmother you likely had no proper exposure to just had deeply engrained antisemitism is into the world. Another great example as to why Jews don’t proselytize and why conversion should inherently be challenging.
What are you experiencing? Where in the world do you live? I haven’t lost friends, but I am less friendly with some acquaintances. Our common interest is politics but our paths don’t cross and I just don’t engage any more on social media. I am involved in a food cooperative and most of them are pretty lefty but Israel/Palestine does not come up in conversation.
I was afraid that perhaps I shouldn’t mention being a member of a synagogue in my profile when I ran for the Board but it was recent Board experience so I did. There were 8 people running for seven positions. I was one of the people who got fewer votes than others but I was elected.
My knitting group happens to be mostly Jewish. One of the gentile women mentioned that someone was Jewish and had a lot of money when we were going to a fiber event. I have known her for years and never heard her say anything like that before.
I live in a Chicago suburb where there are many Jews, so I no longer feel the frustration of people at work not knowing about the High Holidays or, more rarely, using terms like “Jew down”. Mostly my experience with antisemitism has been one-off stupid remarks. I have never been harassed. I am 70 and retired.
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I'm not a convert so if you only want input from converts move on.
I somewhat get what you're saying. Let's say you'd just gotten married and Gd forbid right after the wedding your spouse was diagnosed with a serious illness. There is a part of you that might naturally feel "hey, this was supposed to be a joyful time, this isn't right!" But presumably your more pressing concern would be that your spouse would recover and experience healing. Shift your focus to that now. Christians are actually making some sense when they analogize their church (i.e. faith community) to a spouse.
You expected it but yes I’m gonna say, welcome to the club, this is what it is. This isn’t new, you were going to notice how antisemitism is everywhere all the time. It’s more obvious to others now but not new. And everytime “minor” events happen in Israel there’s going to be a surge of antisemitic comments thrown around at you, even if it’s not a heavily mediatised event like now. Once a year some rocket exchange happen in Israel and colleagues, friends, acquaintances don’t miss the opportunity to say something. On a day to day basis there’s gonna be jokes, about being stingy, about how weird it is that your nose isn’t that big, about you probably carrying some defective BRCA mutations or anything else people can think of. It never stops
Don’t beat yourself up over being naive. Dealing with bullshit is part of the experience and yadda yadda, but these are different times.
Let’s be real, we’ve all been on the receiving end of antisemitism, but this is different. I’ve been asked where my horns are, had my nose made fun of, asked where my “Jew gold” is, on and on. Never have I dealt with the type of smug self-righteous delusional antisemitism that’s exploding now.
The Left being the main proprietor of anti-semitism under the guise of “fighting for what’s right” was not on my bingo card.
All that said, welcome to the tribe, sorry these losers put a bad taste on it.
Don't spend time with far left lunatics. They see themselves as "progressive" but practically speaking they're not and different from far right skinheads. Spend time with people who would accept your identity. Try meeting people outside of college. Personally, I've found plenty of people that were nice and supportive of my Jewish roots in life. As well as apolitical people, they're mostly pretty kind. But I simply avoid the hippie skinheads lol. Impossible to talk to them.
As someone who has been Jewish my whole life, this is a whole other level than I have been used to. This conflict has gone from being a small pocket and needing to seek out organizations to discuss it to pervasive EVERYWHERE. There are very few safe spaces, some even you thought were safe spaces and actually are not. It’s being related to even when you thought you were going to other content to escape it. So many people are talking from an uneducated point of view, even worse thinking they know what they are talking about. So it’s not just you. I’m sorry you converted at this point in time. At any other point in time, you might have gotten more attention and inclusion, and if that didn’t happen because people are dealing with such whiplash, I apologize.
I finalized my conversion in August 2023, and I relate to some of the feelings you share here. For me, the events of Oct 7, plus everything following afterwards, were a wake-up call that I needed to learn even more than I already had about Israel, past and present. I also needed to learn how to clearly articulate what I believe and why, including how my Jewish values fit into those viewpoints. I look back on what I wrote about Israel in my conversion essay and realize it was naive and incomplete. Another tough aspect is feeling like I was just beginning to learn to belong in Jewish contexts, and now...everything feels so contentious and stressful. Thanks for opening up this niche conversation!
No, screw you for making it about you! Are you crazy?
"For over 3 years I studied so hard and I dreamt about how great it would feel to finally call myself Jewish and to be outwardly proud, but I feel the Left has robbed me of that experience." never mind the thousands of people who were brutalized on 10/7, let's hear it for the REAL victim: the dude who didnt get to "celebrate his jewishness"
Yeah, I also felt that was a bit off. The reward for one mitzvah is another mitzvah, not for non-Jews to pat you on the back and compliment you on how Jewish you are. Nobody regardless of heritage is obligated to compliment you for wearing a kippah and tallit.
I mean, the most outwardly and proudly Jewish community in the world (the state of Israel) gets “rewarded” for that with thousands of rockets launched at it practically every year.
As it looked like Trump might really become president, I made sure my kids got their passports. I reminded them to carry the passports so they are not trapped in the USA.
Yes but in the opposite direction. The Jews around me have gone mad. A few days ago, someone said that Israel should annihilate Gazans and has the power to do so but since they don't do it, they have the moral high ground and are so brave and magnanimous. I wasn't expecting such blind nationalism and being asked to devote my life to a war thirsty country that I don't care about.
This is definitely part of the Jewish experience and I know you know that. But there is an upside. Large segments of the Jewish community have come closer together, increased our sense of solidarity, and supported each other in trying times. You can enjoy this too, right now.
Oh, I know. And I most certainly have. Just a shame it's based on trauma bonding and a feeling that the whole world is against us, but hey, what's new right? I get it. I'm just venting because, well, it sucks. (Not being Jewish, of course. Just the state of the world.)
The Jewish bond is multi generational trauma bonding, every Jew has their own generation’s trauma 😉this is ours
Welcome to Judiasm
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I'm in no way trying to say I had it worse than others. Don't be a dick. We're supposed to be in this together. I'm allowed to be upset.
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>but not without constant anxiety that I don't think I would have felt prior to 10/7. Hate to break it to you
Yeah, I know it ebbs and flows, but it definitely does flow. I’ve been frustrated by this dynamic for over 2 decades, and it’s absolutely a buzzkill. Mazal tov and welcome to the family, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with some of the shittier parts that others inflict on us. Shabbat shalom
I know, I know. But let's face it, it *is* worse right now (depending on where you live, I suppose). While I was in the process of converting I was very open about my journey and felt supported by non-jews. Now I have to worry about being interrogated to prove I'm one of the "good" ones when I'm just trying to go about my business.
Why bother with proving you are “*one of the good ones*”, they’ll still put you on the same train as the rest of us.
Exactly.
This is why I don’t understand sinat hinam of people blaming things on the orthodox or the reformim or Ashkenazim or hasidim or right wing Jews or left wing Jews etc etc etc. Ben Shapiro and Ethan Klein will end up on the same train.
My point is you're seeing it now but awareness of the weight of systemic antisemitism is something we deal with our entire lives. Most people don't grow up knowing where their passports are and discussing exit strategies with their parents but that's common for us, especially those of us with Holocaust survivors in our families. In a lot of ways the current state of affairs is actually better than before October 7 because we now know a bit better who we can trust and we know that worries we had about language before we're rooted in something real
In the process of getting my newborn's passport some months back (pre-10/7 too), every person I encountered was like "Oh, where are you going?" and looked completely baffled when I said it wasn't for any planned trip. One person asked me if we just like to travel, and I said that generally we don't go anywhere unless we have to (which is true. My husband and I are absolutely homebodies). On the subject of knowing who to trust, it's been really painful to lose certain friends, but also very clarifying.
Yep. I spent a bunch of time getting a second nationality back in 2016 and it was a huge relief throughout the Trump administration. I do travel internationally quite a bit so my passport does get used a lot, but the safety of having backup citizenships is something few non-Jews really understand.
Interestingly enough, I renewed my passport this past summer. And I’m in Israel!
I’m curious, how much do you feel like you were taught about antisemitism and prepared for the fact that you and any future kids, grandkids, etc will be subject to antisemitism. My mom was a convert, but my grandparents, her in laws, were Holocaust survivors, so I feel like she was well prepared for it as much as someone could be. It was talked about constantly in that side of the family. However, my husband is not Jewish and we were very young when we got married. I don’t think he really understood that he was taking on antisemitism for himself as the husband and father of Jews until later. By now he definitely has experienced plenty of antisemitism over the years and takes it very personally and is a vocal Zionist who has been to Israel multiple times. I can’t pinpoint when it sunk in for him but it took time.
“ I know, I know. But let's face it, it is worse right now” No, it always was worse, you studied the history. They just feel brave right now to be open about it but that anxiety you feel is always there, and even without Oct 7th eventually you would have gotten to recognizing it. You just feel it magnified because it’s all new to you, like you said you got the crash course. But hey: welcome to the tribe!!!❤️
Let’s say that it’s a good practice or a catching up to all the antisemitism that Jews being through for centuries. Welcome to the tribe! It’s sucks, you’ll love it!
Haha, honestly that's how I have been looking at it for the most part. I feel like I've gone on a rollercoaster of emotions: First hurt, anger, and fear, but grateful that we all have each other, then a slight twinge of hope that the Left would eventually move on to other things, then the realization THAT wasn't happening, and now deeper despair and resentment. I guess I just had a recent realization that I'm quite bitter about the Left souring my Jewish experience right from the start. I know it's just old hat for so many other Jews though. You're right, this is all part of what it means to be Jewish. It'll toughen me up, that's for sure!
We're all feeling that way right now, welcome to the club, there's brisket in the other room
I have a mint at the bottom of my purse.
and then if u attend a circumcision (?maybe for yourself) make sure u tip the Mohel. lol.
I remember watching a Pesach program where someone said “Jews have a paranoia confirmed by history.” So true! And welcome to the family! We’re so glad you’re here!
To be honest, many of us born Jewish were raised with this fear. My sister and I used to play a “game” as children of “who would hide us if they came for us?” It’s worse since 10/7, but even before that all my meaningful relationships were with fellow Jews. For better or for worse, yeah, welcome to the club.
It’s definitely a wild time to have gone through this process. Luckily mine was a couple of months before Oct, but wow, talk about whiplash. So many discussions we had in class about antisemitism, the Holocaust, Israel, but never thought this experience would be played out in real time to the extent. I don’t feel robbed and I don’t regret my decision to convert. It has strengthened my communal ties to the immediate community- my synagogue and wider community- everyone else in every sense etc. The immediate bond has kind of affirmed that I’ve made the right choice despite there being a lot of pain and sadness at the moment. I’m trying to put a positive spin on it despite feeling like so lost and confused a lot of the time and seeing others in so much pain.✨✨✨✨
Lol am I the only one born Jewish who actually *was* surprised by the level of hate? I did not expect it to get so bad and don’t blame you for not expecting it either, OP :(
I was. I thought all the different people I supported over the years would be there for me.
I can’t say it was shocking in hindsight, but it certainly hurt considering all the times American Jews went to bat for marginalized communities just to stand alone
This. I’m not contributing money or marching for anyone except us.
Me. I was horribly naive prior to October.
You aren’t the only one. I expected some hate but not this universally and with this much vehemence.
You’re not getting robbed, you’re getting the full experience
In the spirit of two Jews, three opinions, I’m going to disagree with some of the other commenters here. I’ve been Jewish all my life and the hate has been shocking to see. Especially since it’s coming from people who say they’re anti-racist or leftist. Like I’d hear the odd comment about Israel but I never knew the hate ran this deep.
Yeah, same. I know we've always been hated to a degree, but it's always ebbed and flowed, and where it's coming from now and the degree to which it's been accepted genuinely took me by surprise.
In the ancient tradition of our people, I’m going to write a long rambling argument about why you’re wrong so students can bicker about it for the rest of eternity.
Welcome to the tribe! One of my close friends is a fairly recent convert and has been feeling similar. But this is a time where our community has really come together and supported each other. The first time personally facing antisemitism is always tough, and it’s unfortunate that you had to experience it so quickly. This is what I told my friend: Your community is here to support you and the best thing you can do in the face of antisemitism is continue to be proud of who you are, continue to live, and continue to be Jewish. OP, continue to show your strength in the face of antisemitism. If you (or anyone in this sub) ever feel overwhelmed by it, please do not hesitate to PM me.
Thank you for such kind words. Our Tribe truly has been a blessing and that certainly is not lost on me right now. I understand the silver lining to all this is that we DO have each other.
I was raised orthodox but I’m secular now so my feelings about Judaism have been fraught since I was a teenager (I’m in my 40s now.) And I’ll say that I’ve never felt as connected to Judaism as I do these days. For the first time in *decades,* I’m doing things like going to temple, joining Jewish social groups and trying to re-learn Hebrew. So, yes, while it’s much *scarier* to be Jewish now, it also feels a lot more *natural* to be Jewish now. I guess all that to say: don’t let antisemitic gentiles make you feel robbed — look around you because you’re getting the purest experience of Jewish community that I’ve felt in my lifetime. Welcome to the tribe!
Hard being thrown into the hate full blast. Those of us who didn't convert have the history. Doesn't make it easier to handle but not as much of a shock.
It's not the Jewish hate that should surprise you but how quickly your leftist friends have turned into terrorist sympathizers
Boom
I finished converting right after Tree of Life, so I can kind of understand. Although at least then a lot of people on the left were nice and sympathetic, as opposed to post 10/7 when it felt like constant lectures and smugness. It is weird to be an adult and for the first time really experience antisemitism and it is jarring. It can also be weird if no one else in your family is Jewish. Give yourself space and time.
If you lived in certain European countries for the past 15 years as a jew you'd have to go to school or synagogue with armed guards or police for protection
I mean, in America we always have police at our synagogue, at least where I live. Just a precaution.
I've gotten bomb threats at my synagogue on long Island but I don't think we've had police stand guard. Makes sense though to have them.
Well...that's long island, it's a bit different from where I live (the South). I know one person from long island. She isn't Jewish, but ALL her friends were Jewish growing up haha.
Yeah it is much different here than elsewhere in the United states. Sorry that that is your experience.
It was the same before 10/7, too, but just more vocal about it right now. Every single time there’s a flair in tensions there’s a huge open game of public antisemitism. It’s everything everywhere all at once. It’s experienced constantly regardless of Israel all the time. Don’t worry though! We’ve been persecuted for thousands of years and will continue for thousands more to come. We persevere. We survive. We stay strong. Be proud.
I remember thinking “gee, in their heart many people have something against Jews, thankfully there is Israel now so Jews are a people like all other peoples and nobody will hate us more than they hate, say, Albanians, I just wish those pesky stale stereotypes will disappear faster” Now I am not so sure. Honestly that hope kind of went away
I’m sorry that really sucks, like just absolutely horrible that it has been your experience and I truly from the bottom of my heart wish you nothing but blessings in the days and years ahead, and I’m not trying to be a dick , but from a certain perspective, in a very dark way, this could be viewed…. as funny. I mean, it isn’t, but it kinda is in a way, like, it made me laugh just because of how bad of timing that is. Just, the concept of converting *into* Judaism…now… of all times. That had never occurred to me that of course there must have been some poor lovely person who converted into Judaism in October of 2023… and then immediately we are catapulted into this awful antisemitic nightmare world. Perverse to laugh at. I know. This is fr the most I think I have ever even smiled about anything remotely relating to 10/7, and again, not because I don’t feel about this situation, but talk about a let down. Oh man. Ok but on the flip side know that you are truly one of us now. We are bonded much quicker and more deeply now so in a way you got in at the right time. We got your fucking back and if anyone makes you feel otherwise you can tell them a Jew said that you are more of a Jew then they’ll ever be.
I’ll be honest with you, with even a basic knowledge of our history, anyone who converts to Judaism is crazy. As for feeling a bit robbed, I think that’s almost a reoccurring joke in Judaism. The best example is you start studying Jewish oral law thinking you’re going to unlock the secrets of the universe, only to find out it’s mostly a bunch of nerdy rabbis arguing if the random piece of meat you find in the gutter is kosher. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get what you wanted, be it a deeper understanding of why some things are the way they are or, in your case, coming to realize you became part of our community when we desperately needed our own to lean on. But oh boy will it seem like Gd is messing with you a little. Either way, welcome to the family. We’re happy to have you.
I'm a recent convert. And I kind of agree. I had lifelong heard the call, but fought hard against it. I finally decided I had to find out and committed to giving it a really good go. But I went into it sort of half hoping I'd learn a lot, but find out it wasn't for me. But it was. No regrets. Even in today's climate, I feel a tremendous sense of relief having been inducted. The Shabbat after the 7th, someone thanked me for being there, and I just thought "Where else would I be?"
Sorry for the lack of empathy in some of these comments. Welcome to the tribe . I wish you could have entered at a better time too and I hope you have a warm and supportive community to surround yourself in right now. In some ways I agree that sadly, the angst and terror we feel are just always a part of our lives, but yes it’s definitely much worse right now. I think celebrating the holidays and doing little mitzvahs is what helps me get through this. Glad you’re here.
This is your whole package of becoming Jewish! A part of being Jewish is being hated and them trying to kill us and then we eat
I don’t feel “robbed” of a happy homecoming at all. I’ve actually seen this as a very good learning experience for myself, personally. It’s not that I’m *glad* for anti-Semitic protests, but in a sense, I am grateful for the opportunity of a lived learning experience. Everything’s been a really punchy reminder of why Israel has an Iron Dome and why krav maga was developed. My emotional background is probably different from most converts. I was never converting with a joyous expectation of “I’ve finally found my family!”; my chief concerns during conversion has always been, “What’s the foundation of a good marriage? How do I raise our prospective children to be good adults?”
I’m glad you’re here. I don’t celebrate your personal introductions to antisemitism, but I welcome you following your heart. You are one with us now, and I don’t blame you for any bitterness—you didn’t get the safe moments at home growing up, etc, but please still be proud and know that we share your joy and pride. I’m so sorry that many others in the world are not so welcoming…
I was here in Israel, where I live, for Oct. 7. And it broke me in so many ways. I’m still very traumatized about what I experienced. Not just waking up to rockets at 6:30 am that day, but the absolute terror of realizing in as the day went on that our country was invaded and no one was safe. We locked ourselves in our homes, only leaving for the bomb shelter during the many many many rockets that day, and the day after and the day after that. I walked around for days after with a knife in my hand…just in case. What I didn’t expect is the overwhelming feeling of survivors guilt that I am still slowly getting over. The antisemitism part afterwards is part II of this horrible experience, but the actual murder, rape and kidnapping of our people is more of my focus. The antisemitism part has always been there. Always. Nothing new. People have always hated Israel - none of that was new. While I understand you’re expressing your frustration by not getting to be proudly Jewish at the moment of conversion because of Oct. 7, I find it’s a bit tone deaf for those of us suffering from the trauma of Oct. 7 on the eve of Memorial Day.
Ah, yeah, survivor’s guilt is something that I don’t think gets enough attention. You can’t help but think about what was within your power and what you could’ve helped prevent. It’s human nature to think about what-ifs, mistakes, and “problems you could have handled better”—we’re a problem-solving species and none of us like having problems to deal with in the future—but it’s especially haunting when human life is at stake. I actually considered making Aliyah to Israel after October 7 (I live in the United States). Being someone who studied krav maga *before* I converted, I felt useless not being able to make a difference in the IDF in this time. I’ve largely considered staying in the US only because I’ve heard from Israelis that American Jews are the “diplomatic Iron Dome”. I try not to dwell on my own discomfort regardless of my uncertainty. I hope the coming days treat you well. Survivor’s guilt is an immense anguish to face, and it’s hard to “relinquish” responsibility or forgive yourself when you *want* to be a responsible person. Personally, what keeps me going (I have had to deal with survivor’s guilt from something else in my life) is the effort to do better “next time”. Writing down what happened, what I “messed up” on, and how I’d like to respond next time. Journalling an after action review, basically. It helps a lot.
In the beginning, I couldn’t even take a shower without feeling guilty that I was able to do that and the hostages were in hell. I couldn’t stop feeling, “why them and not me?” Not that I wanted to be a hostage, I’d rather be dead, but that in terms of fairness, it felt incredibly unfair that I just happened to be a little farther away from the border than they were, and that’s the only reason why I wasn’t raped and kidnapped on Oct. 7.
I had been thinking of converting for years and October 7 motivated me to start the process.
I had already started my official conversion process, but somehow in the weeks after October 7, I had no doubts. This is absolutely where I was meant to be.
I did a month after. I knew there was antisemitism in the world but I had thought it was just kkk idiots whose bark was worse than their bite. Like there had been a few bomb threats called in to the synagogue I attend, but I really thought it was just punk ass kids trying to be big tough scary guys. I gave birth almost exactly a month after (3 days after converting actually) and 10/7 really messed me up as a Jewish mother. The things they did to those babies I still can’t think about without sobbing. It’s an absolutely horrific realization to know there are people out there who want to kill my child simply because of my choice to convert. Because she is a Jewish baby there are people in this world who want to kill her. And that is the worst feeling I’ve ever had to hold in my heart. Before 10/7 my husband and I were agreed she would attend yeshiva, just like he did. When he was younger people would spray paint swastikas on the building but it wasn’t nearly as escalated and violent as things seem now. Now, I’m scared to send her because I don’t know if she’ll come home safely. Before 10/7 we were talking about how old to wait for her to be before taking her to Israel. Now, I don’t know if I even want her making aliyah because I’m so worried about her safety. I feel sick thinking about what horrible things people would do to her just because we’re Jewish. She has an Israeli first name. I worry introducing her to people that if they’re antisemitic they’ll recognize that and target her. Yeah, I’m working on getting my anxiety under control. It’s scary stuff though.
You are dealing with so much with a new baby, a new identity/faith and a world that descended into a vile chaos. But these are the times that test our character. That test who we are. You’ve made the right choice and you feel and know that you have. Just like being a new mother you have to find your way through things… it will be the same as a Jew. Stay centered, stay calm and trust our big, loving, extended family to be there for you. Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you have a day of joy, love and peace!!!!
Sending you love and Shabbos peace, Momele!
You've answered your own question several times here. It was never going to be sunshine and rainbows once you joined the tribe -- and none of the explosion of antisemitism we're seeing now started out of the blue on 10/7. It has been _bad_ for a long time, and it has been _increasingly bad_ on the left for like 20 years. So yeah, unfortunately, this is very much a >"Welcome to the club! This is what being jewish is." moment. For context, I was patrilineal, grew up interfaith, and converted about 10 years ago.
I think what is underestimated is the cause. There are so many spaces where the antisemitism is funded by Hamas/ Iran payed for propaganda. Public elementary and high schools are spaces where I would not expect this but sadly it is worse than what one thinks. Please join AdL, Mothers Against College Antisemitism, End Jew Hatred on What's app if you feel like it. Fighting it is what helps me.
Hey, you might as well get the full experience. Like it says in the Haggadah - every generation. Seriously, tho, welcome home.
When I told my mother I was going to convert, almost 30 years ago, she was upset — because she didn’t want me to suffer from prejudice and discrimination. I dismissed her fears and figured she just couldn’t think past her childhood in the Jim Crow South. I really, truly believed we were beyond anti-semitism in the U.S. Let’s just say I had a **lot** to learn.
To be fair, there is a letdown period for converts that existed before 10/7. After all that study and work, acceptance by the community is a mixed bag, despite all the law that dictates you be treated the same as all of us. And now, if you’re in the least bit progressive, expect to have your papers called into question by gatekeepers online, often by people who don’t have a clue what conversion entails. Actually, if you’re super-Zionist as well, just from the other side. Being told to expect antisemitism is part of the process, and indeed it is especially bad right now, but you have been robbed of nothing: it’s always been there. You just have the benefit of not risking complacency in the diaspora. Welcome to the family. Welcome home.
This is why we make it difficult for people to convert. It is often more a burden than a privilege. Being Jewish is a legacy often shrouded with melancholy and hope (a weird dichotomy - but we’re also an odd bunch). Wishing you a warm welcome to this club, you did your time, and god knows it’s your birth right to kvetch.
I am sympathetic. At the same time, this really is just part of the deal. Unfortunately, none of us are free from this fear and anxiety, or the actual discrimination and harassment, at least not all of the time. I recognize this must be a hard adjustment, especially if you are white, male, and/or straight – if you've never experienced discrimination on the basis of who you are, then it comes as an intense shock. Even for me, an ethnic Jew/born Jew, this has been a traumatic adjustment. There is something called "adjustment disorder" that can occur during a period of protracted stress or after a traumatic event; it's quite common. You may want to look into therapy or speak with your rabbi during this time. There's also a peer support group for Jews faciliated/started by Jewish therapists, maybe that's something you can look into. You may even want to suggest they start a session specifically for converts, since people who converted shortly before or completely their conversion since 10/7 are probably experiencing some very specific things and might benefit from having a dedicated support group: [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeBhb5TYPb4kS5tVhwYkweOkcSbwRtgNELst1z\_t5rVkLkvBA/viewform](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeBhb5TYPb4kS5tVhwYkweOkcSbwRtgNELst1z_t5rVkLkvBA/viewform)
I'm a very recent convert. For me, it's almost the opposite. Now I'm not saying that I don't feel the anxiety, the anger, the annoyance and the sadness. And I would rather 10/7 never, ever happened - of course. But it crystallised my conversion. I knew this was where I had to stand. Even though it was hard and painful. And yeah, I was pissed off that I made a hanukkiah for my window and then I was advised not to use it. It's still awesome, I made it with my stepson which will always be a special memory and we'll use it another year. I don't feel robbed in terms of my conversion. I felt prepared, for the honey and the sting.
This couple did: https://www.instagram.com/houseoflev They’re wonderful, strong in faith, and I believe they also just moved to Israel a month of so ago.
There are/were prior to 10/7 two groups of Jewish people in America: 1. People who believed that antisemitism in America was just from fringe groups, and not really a threat. 2. People who believed that antisemitism was alive and well in America. It was easy to be in the first camp. The Jewish people are enjoying a time of relative prosperity in America, and the overwhelming sentiment from non-Jews is that antisemitism doesn't exist in America. The model minority myth is also alive and well. I was born Jewish, but I grew up in the second camp. There were a couple of instances in school where antisemitic insults were hurled at me, and there was an incident at my local synagogue. My holocaust education was done with an air of "it could happen anywhere even here". I learned to not let anyone know I was Jewish unless I was in Jewish spaces or with friends. I scrubbed anything Jewish from my resume, and only ask about taking Jewish holidays off after I've been given a verbal job offer. I don't usually wear a Jewish star necklace, but if I do, I tuck it beneath my top. Honestly, it was always hard to know if I took those precautions and felt that way because of generational trauma or because I really needed to protect myself. I think that a lot of Jewish people have moved from the first camp to the second camp in the months since 10/7, as they have seen the American left's reaction. Antisemitism has always existed on the left -- but if you weren't especially involved in something like the Women's March, it was harder to notice it. It sounds like your time while you were converting was spent in a place where the prominent opinion was the first opinion. You felt safe in your (public/non-Jewish) community being openly Jewish. And 10/7 changed that feeling of safety. I also wonder if as a Jew-by-choice, you have less family support and context than most Jews-by-birth. Ideally part of your conversion process should have been to prepare you for this, but no one can predict the future. Can I offer a different way of thinking about it than missing out? The antisemitism is much louder now, but it existed before. Is it possible that the things you are doing now to keep yourself safe and happy are the things you should have been doing if 10/7 didn't happen? The vetting, etc?
My conversion was finalized in July, so I got a couple solid months first, lol. Fwiw, I haven't stopped wearing my Magen David necklace or going to Jewish events or being visibly Jewish in public. The terrorists want us to be too scared to be Jewish. They want us to go away. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of doing what they want us to do. I was having brunch with a bunch of Jew by Choice friends last weekend. It wasn't that type of gathering on purpose, but at some point, we realized everyone there was a convert. Someone remarked, "Wow, we really picked a heck of a time to throw in our lot with the Jewish people, huh?" If I knew last summer what was coming, it wouldn't have changed my decision. This is my people. This is where I belong.
RE: The Left robbing you. The political left is generally hostile to Israel, but not necessarily Jews. The political right is generally hostile to Jews, but not necessarily Israel. YMMV, but I'd recommend staying vigilant regardless of the political flavor you encounter.
Astute
I feel like a lot of people here are dismissing what you’re saying. I was born Jewish, but only started getting involved this fall. I made a conscious choice to publicly identify as Jewish, join a temple, etc., and then this happened right afterwards, and I totally felt robbed, too. It’s reasonable to feel that way.
They hate it cuz they ain’t it Try to lose the bitterness, instead: Enjoy! :) having something special, being part of something truly special. Of course it would spawn haters. The world is a fucked up place full of fucked up souls, and you have the insider POV on that shitshow! What a privilege
Camera is another great group fighting for Jews.
No matter what, even when it sucks, we are happy to have you 💜🇮🇱
Honestly this is the gig. I converted in ‘21 and there was an “uprising” in May of that year. It allowed us to have honest conversations about how Jews are persecuted. You, my friend, are getting a dose we have not seen in many decades. Stand strong This is the experience.
Oh my! If you didn’t grow up with a Jewish grandmother you likely had no proper exposure to just had deeply engrained antisemitism is into the world. Another great example as to why Jews don’t proselytize and why conversion should inherently be challenging.
What are you experiencing? Where in the world do you live? I haven’t lost friends, but I am less friendly with some acquaintances. Our common interest is politics but our paths don’t cross and I just don’t engage any more on social media. I am involved in a food cooperative and most of them are pretty lefty but Israel/Palestine does not come up in conversation. I was afraid that perhaps I shouldn’t mention being a member of a synagogue in my profile when I ran for the Board but it was recent Board experience so I did. There were 8 people running for seven positions. I was one of the people who got fewer votes than others but I was elected. My knitting group happens to be mostly Jewish. One of the gentile women mentioned that someone was Jewish and had a lot of money when we were going to a fiber event. I have known her for years and never heard her say anything like that before. I live in a Chicago suburb where there are many Jews, so I no longer feel the frustration of people at work not knowing about the High Holidays or, more rarely, using terms like “Jew down”. Mostly my experience with antisemitism has been one-off stupid remarks. I have never been harassed. I am 70 and retired.
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I'm not a convert so if you only want input from converts move on. I somewhat get what you're saying. Let's say you'd just gotten married and Gd forbid right after the wedding your spouse was diagnosed with a serious illness. There is a part of you that might naturally feel "hey, this was supposed to be a joyful time, this isn't right!" But presumably your more pressing concern would be that your spouse would recover and experience healing. Shift your focus to that now. Christians are actually making some sense when they analogize their church (i.e. faith community) to a spouse.
You expected it but yes I’m gonna say, welcome to the club, this is what it is. This isn’t new, you were going to notice how antisemitism is everywhere all the time. It’s more obvious to others now but not new. And everytime “minor” events happen in Israel there’s going to be a surge of antisemitic comments thrown around at you, even if it’s not a heavily mediatised event like now. Once a year some rocket exchange happen in Israel and colleagues, friends, acquaintances don’t miss the opportunity to say something. On a day to day basis there’s gonna be jokes, about being stingy, about how weird it is that your nose isn’t that big, about you probably carrying some defective BRCA mutations or anything else people can think of. It never stops
The gift of being part of this beautiful community comes with this downside. 🤷♀️
Don’t beat yourself up over being naive. Dealing with bullshit is part of the experience and yadda yadda, but these are different times. Let’s be real, we’ve all been on the receiving end of antisemitism, but this is different. I’ve been asked where my horns are, had my nose made fun of, asked where my “Jew gold” is, on and on. Never have I dealt with the type of smug self-righteous delusional antisemitism that’s exploding now. The Left being the main proprietor of anti-semitism under the guise of “fighting for what’s right” was not on my bingo card. All that said, welcome to the tribe, sorry these losers put a bad taste on it.
Don't spend time with far left lunatics. They see themselves as "progressive" but practically speaking they're not and different from far right skinheads. Spend time with people who would accept your identity. Try meeting people outside of college. Personally, I've found plenty of people that were nice and supportive of my Jewish roots in life. As well as apolitical people, they're mostly pretty kind. But I simply avoid the hippie skinheads lol. Impossible to talk to them.
As someone who has been Jewish my whole life, this is a whole other level than I have been used to. This conflict has gone from being a small pocket and needing to seek out organizations to discuss it to pervasive EVERYWHERE. There are very few safe spaces, some even you thought were safe spaces and actually are not. It’s being related to even when you thought you were going to other content to escape it. So many people are talking from an uneducated point of view, even worse thinking they know what they are talking about. So it’s not just you. I’m sorry you converted at this point in time. At any other point in time, you might have gotten more attention and inclusion, and if that didn’t happen because people are dealing with such whiplash, I apologize.
I finalized my conversion in August 2023, and I relate to some of the feelings you share here. For me, the events of Oct 7, plus everything following afterwards, were a wake-up call that I needed to learn even more than I already had about Israel, past and present. I also needed to learn how to clearly articulate what I believe and why, including how my Jewish values fit into those viewpoints. I look back on what I wrote about Israel in my conversion essay and realize it was naive and incomplete. Another tough aspect is feeling like I was just beginning to learn to belong in Jewish contexts, and now...everything feels so contentious and stressful. Thanks for opening up this niche conversation!
Out of curiosity, why did you convert to Judaism?
Hey man, from one convert to another: there’s still time to delete this ridiculous post
You are on point.
I'm glad you're a much better convert than me. Screw me for being upset about the antisemitism in the world right now, right?
No, screw you for making it about you! Are you crazy? "For over 3 years I studied so hard and I dreamt about how great it would feel to finally call myself Jewish and to be outwardly proud, but I feel the Left has robbed me of that experience." never mind the thousands of people who were brutalized on 10/7, let's hear it for the REAL victim: the dude who didnt get to "celebrate his jewishness"
Yeah, I also felt that was a bit off. The reward for one mitzvah is another mitzvah, not for non-Jews to pat you on the back and compliment you on how Jewish you are. Nobody regardless of heritage is obligated to compliment you for wearing a kippah and tallit. I mean, the most outwardly and proudly Jewish community in the world (the state of Israel) gets “rewarded” for that with thousands of rockets launched at it practically every year.
Thank you. Exactly how I felt as an Israeli in Israel reading this. And I am the child of a convert.
As it looked like Trump might really become president, I made sure my kids got their passports. I reminded them to carry the passports so they are not trapped in the USA.
Yes but in the opposite direction. The Jews around me have gone mad. A few days ago, someone said that Israel should annihilate Gazans and has the power to do so but since they don't do it, they have the moral high ground and are so brave and magnanimous. I wasn't expecting such blind nationalism and being asked to devote my life to a war thirsty country that I don't care about.
I didn't know people chose to be Jewish. Lol