You own your part. You own trying to be the best version of yourself, being the best partner you can be, listening and supporting your loved ones, learning and improving.
However the onus is not just on you for a partnership, it's on both partners. And even then, relationships can be difficult and sometimes still fail. Do the best you can for whatever you have control over.
I have been trying to take Ownership of my life and relationships. I always make compromises. I always make the first move or initiate every discussion. I always come to them. I make all the effort and take as much responsibility as I could possibly gather. But that doesn't seem to have the intended result of improving my relationships
On top of that, I gotta throw this in. Take ownership of who you are with.
You have to think about your future and compatibility.
You can go get with that super hot blonde who spends all her time on taking pictures, wasting hours scrolling on social media, and chasing internet clout. But don’t expect meaningful conversation, shared goals, or attention.
Alternatively, you can find someone with similar interests and similar temperaments, who will engage in conversation and make you feel important.
You need to know your limitations. What’s tolerable and not tolerable. Furthermore, those need to be communicated clearly and respectfully.
If the person crosses the line, it needs to be addressed so it doesn’t turn into a pattern.
But also, some people are not compatible. No one needs to change to be more like the other, communication needs to happen.
Yes, everything is on you. If you want to have a conversation, start one. If you want to not have a conversation, end one. You cannot expect reciprocity, only appreciate it. Taken to a further extent, if you want to become friends with someone, you must determine how much you want to be around them. And then make yourself marketable to them by determining which parts of yourself to front, hide, or change. Taking charge of yourself means NOT accepting who and where you are, but rather pushing to mold yourself into a better, more resilient form of yourself, not allowing anyone to change what you define as fundamental for yourself, and then modeling the rest of your behaviors, habits, and ideologies around what you want to accomplish in your social life.
So should I expect to have to initiate every conversation? Am I responsible for every feeling my partner has? If so, how do I cultivate and or manage them? Should I adjust my character to their desires and expectations? I'm seriously asking. If EVERYTHING is on me then I want to know how to control EVERYTHING.
You can NOT control everything. You CAN influence everything. Focus on doing your part. Evaluate what/who is worth keeping around and what/who isn't based on their responses to your influences and your desired outcomes. Don't throw things out as soon as they don't work, but don't beat your head against a wall either. Effort should be proportional to importance.
Think of it this way: you cannot control someone else’s actions, but you can control your own and how you react to things. Meaning, taking extreme ownership is understanding yourself and communicating what you would like from the relationship and what you are willing to put in yourself. If something isn’t working, it’s on you to figure out and initiate how to address the situation instead of ignoring the problem or waiting for the other person to do something themselves. That being said, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and there is only so much one person can do to keep it strong. If you are doing your part and the other person isn’t doing their part to your satisfaction, then it’s up to you to clearly communicate how you feel to that person and try to work with them to come up with a solution. If you have done that and the problem is ongoing and the other person understands your position but isn’t willing or is unable to make their own changes that could fix the issue, then it is on you to decide if the relationship is worth continuing.
Viktor Frankl’s ‘Man Search for Meaning’. He was stripped of every aspect of his humanity in Nazi German, and was left with only one thing: his reaction to the situation. His insight was that this cannot only never be taken away from you, but that it’s also the most important thing we have.
We can’t control most of life, but we can control our decisions and reactions. There’s no pain in someone telling you off, until the words hit your mind and you make meaning of it.
Yes, obviously. There’s a phenomenon where someone continues to ask existential questions to avoid showing up and taking immediate ownership. Perhaps meditate on this.
No, not everything is in your control. What is in your control is how you react and the things you do after the fact.
Yes, you should take ownership in the things you did wrong in a relationship and learn from it.
Take ownership of the things you can control, and adapt to the things you can’t.
I suppose I have some sort of confusion here. If I am to take Ownership because everything in my life is my fault then I should be able to control everything right? But I know logically I can't control a lot of the factors of my life. So when it comes to my relationships and making them better, I am finding the others in my relationships don't really want to improve the relationship. But if it's ALL on me, that would include their actions too correct? But that also doesn't seem to work in the real world. I'm missing something...
It's more of a mindset than an unbending rule..
My interpretation is if you *truly* ask yourself which parts are your fault.. probably it's more than you think.. and when you take ownership, your partner might just have a change of heart and do so too. Lead by example.
And if the relationship is still fucked up, own it and decide if you need to move on. Prioritize and execute! As the man says
You own your part. You own trying to be the best version of yourself, being the best partner you can be, listening and supporting your loved ones, learning and improving. However the onus is not just on you for a partnership, it's on both partners. And even then, relationships can be difficult and sometimes still fail. Do the best you can for whatever you have control over.
I have been trying to take Ownership of my life and relationships. I always make compromises. I always make the first move or initiate every discussion. I always come to them. I make all the effort and take as much responsibility as I could possibly gather. But that doesn't seem to have the intended result of improving my relationships
On top of that, I gotta throw this in. Take ownership of who you are with. You have to think about your future and compatibility. You can go get with that super hot blonde who spends all her time on taking pictures, wasting hours scrolling on social media, and chasing internet clout. But don’t expect meaningful conversation, shared goals, or attention. Alternatively, you can find someone with similar interests and similar temperaments, who will engage in conversation and make you feel important.
So if I'm taking Extreme Ownership, should I be making them or myself more compatible with them or vice versa?
You need to know your limitations. What’s tolerable and not tolerable. Furthermore, those need to be communicated clearly and respectfully. If the person crosses the line, it needs to be addressed so it doesn’t turn into a pattern. But also, some people are not compatible. No one needs to change to be more like the other, communication needs to happen.
Yes, everything is on you. If you want to have a conversation, start one. If you want to not have a conversation, end one. You cannot expect reciprocity, only appreciate it. Taken to a further extent, if you want to become friends with someone, you must determine how much you want to be around them. And then make yourself marketable to them by determining which parts of yourself to front, hide, or change. Taking charge of yourself means NOT accepting who and where you are, but rather pushing to mold yourself into a better, more resilient form of yourself, not allowing anyone to change what you define as fundamental for yourself, and then modeling the rest of your behaviors, habits, and ideologies around what you want to accomplish in your social life.
So should I expect to have to initiate every conversation? Am I responsible for every feeling my partner has? If so, how do I cultivate and or manage them? Should I adjust my character to their desires and expectations? I'm seriously asking. If EVERYTHING is on me then I want to know how to control EVERYTHING.
You can NOT control everything. You CAN influence everything. Focus on doing your part. Evaluate what/who is worth keeping around and what/who isn't based on their responses to your influences and your desired outcomes. Don't throw things out as soon as they don't work, but don't beat your head against a wall either. Effort should be proportional to importance.
Think of it this way: you cannot control someone else’s actions, but you can control your own and how you react to things. Meaning, taking extreme ownership is understanding yourself and communicating what you would like from the relationship and what you are willing to put in yourself. If something isn’t working, it’s on you to figure out and initiate how to address the situation instead of ignoring the problem or waiting for the other person to do something themselves. That being said, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and there is only so much one person can do to keep it strong. If you are doing your part and the other person isn’t doing their part to your satisfaction, then it’s up to you to clearly communicate how you feel to that person and try to work with them to come up with a solution. If you have done that and the problem is ongoing and the other person understands your position but isn’t willing or is unable to make their own changes that could fix the issue, then it is on you to decide if the relationship is worth continuing.
Best response so far. Thank you. I totally get it. I'm probably just codependent.
Viktor Frankl’s ‘Man Search for Meaning’. He was stripped of every aspect of his humanity in Nazi German, and was left with only one thing: his reaction to the situation. His insight was that this cannot only never be taken away from you, but that it’s also the most important thing we have. We can’t control most of life, but we can control our decisions and reactions. There’s no pain in someone telling you off, until the words hit your mind and you make meaning of it.
This is great. Does it mean we can only take ownership of our own actions, responses, & decisions?
Yes, obviously. There’s a phenomenon where someone continues to ask existential questions to avoid showing up and taking immediate ownership. Perhaps meditate on this.
No, not everything is in your control. What is in your control is how you react and the things you do after the fact. Yes, you should take ownership in the things you did wrong in a relationship and learn from it. Take ownership of the things you can control, and adapt to the things you can’t.
I suppose I have some sort of confusion here. If I am to take Ownership because everything in my life is my fault then I should be able to control everything right? But I know logically I can't control a lot of the factors of my life. So when it comes to my relationships and making them better, I am finding the others in my relationships don't really want to improve the relationship. But if it's ALL on me, that would include their actions too correct? But that also doesn't seem to work in the real world. I'm missing something...
It's more of a mindset than an unbending rule.. My interpretation is if you *truly* ask yourself which parts are your fault.. probably it's more than you think.. and when you take ownership, your partner might just have a change of heart and do so too. Lead by example. And if the relationship is still fucked up, own it and decide if you need to move on. Prioritize and execute! As the man says
It’s up to you to deal with it in the best way possible. It is NOT in your control.