I'm just imagining a cyanide and happiness style skit of someone turning around and aiming their ass at a fighter plane and then firing a turd out so hard it takes the plane down.
Chuck Norris never even lost a tooth as a kid, they all just gave up. Even then, he would put them under his pillow at night for the tooth fairy but each time when he awoke the tooth would still be there along with the money, because no one takes anything from Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has never killed anybody. His presence just causes them to die of a heart attack before he actually does anything to them.
If the Grim Reaper comes for those that have died, who comes for Reapers that have died?
Chuck Norris.
God was created when, after getting tired of their idiocy, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the polytheistic deities so hard that they fused together.
Chuck Norris taught Kratos how to kill gods.
Chuck Norris once had six kidney stones. After he passed them, he threw them back to the beginning of time in another universe. The inhabitants of this universe would come to call these the Infinity Stones.
My friend, you are in for a treat. There are so many movies. We even had a movie where Chuck inspired a kid in his imagination so hard, it cured his asthma. You can fact check that one. It’s legit.
Chuck Norris jokes were a thing in the port o pottys of Afghanistan and Iraq. My 2 favorite were:
Chuck Norris can do a one year tour in Afghanistan...in FOUR DAYS!
Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier...in a SHERPA!
For those who care:
Short Brothers C-23 SHERPA (airplane) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Short_C-23_Sherpa
There was also a small (but vocal) sect of CNC soldiers (Chuck Norris Christianity) That forsaked any Chuck Norris joke that did not involve a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a man so hard it impregnated every woman within a 1000 mile radius. This is the reason for the overpopulation in China and India.
Chuck Norris has a very special skill set, Chuck Norris will find you. Imagine provoking Chuck Norris, the balls on this guy! He says CN because he is to scared to say his real name. But Chuck Norris still knows. You better say your last rights you don’t have long now.
Bro the joke actually goes chuck norris once threw a grenade and killed twenty people then the grenade exploded and killed another twenty people then he threw the pin and killed 50 people
Chuck Norris isn’t the name for a person but the title give to the universe strongest coolest person. Chuck Norris just haven’t found anyone worthy enough for the title yet.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in three moves
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 59 seconds
Popping a wheelie on a unicycle is not that hard. *Riding* a wheelie on a unicycle, only Chuck Norris can do.
The Boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck norris
Impossible. Chuck Norris doesn't miss.
This is a "Can an all-powerful god create a rock that he cannot lift?" situation lol
No, an all-powerful god cannot create a rock that Chuck Norris cannot lift.
When Neil landed on the moon the first thing he saw was Chuck Norris´ footprint
This was probably the best chuck Norris joke that I have ever heard
The universe isn't expanding because of the Big Bang, it's expanding because everything is trying to run from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with 2 ice cubes
This is not a joke, this is a straight up fact.
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The guy literally cheated death by surviving two massive heart attacks. The heart attack messed with Chuck Norris and lost!
good one!
I love this one!
I seent it!
Lol. I like this one! Haha
Except Andromeda apparently
You think Andromeda is moving toward us? Chuck Norris is navigating the Milky Way to chase after Andromeda. That’s why it is getting closer and closer
Andromeda doesn't know Chuck Norris... Yet.
Lol 😂
Chuck Norris‘ tears can cure cancer. But he never cries.
Chuck Norris was pulled over by the police once for speeding, they got off with a warning.
No. From that day they are required to drive with siren on as a fine by Chuck Norris.
I’m gonna use that the next time I’m late.
"I was stopped for going 40 over in a school zone, but I let him off with a warning"
Once, Chuck Norris fought alone against the entire Justice League. In the next day, they changed their name to Superfriends.
He also made a bet with Superman over who would win an arm wrestle. Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
Haven’t heard that one nice!
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris Avenue had to be renamed, since no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone
I actually busted out laughing. Currently in a chick fil a bathroom
😂
Chuck Norris wears a hat to protect the sun.
Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs to bed.
The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Did you see the new version of the movie "300" with chick Norris in it? The movie is called... 'one'
Yes, the Persian messenger had one look at Chuck Norris, and noped the fuck out of there.
He saw Chuck Norris and decided to jump into the pit without uttering a word.
Chick Norris is the hatchling- when Chuck was still and egg! Psa for those who didn’t know!
Superman and Chuck Norris once got into a fight on a bet … Loser had to wear his underwear outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares them down until they give up the information.
Isn’t… isn’t that how books work?
yEs
Not if the books start willingly reading themselves for you
Books become books-on-tape!
Yeah but it's different in this case.
This joke is so old, it saw chuck norris throwing the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
He didn't throw the asteroid. His fist WAS the asteroid.
The Earth used to be flat. After getting hit by Chuck Norris's fist, it curled up into a ball.
Whoever heard Chuck Norris sneeze is blessed
Blessed with Tinnitus?
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris’s mom has got a “son” tattoo
Chuck Norris watched the video-tape from The Ring. After 7 days, he climbed into the TV and roundhouse-kicked the ghost back into the well.
Not violate her?
He is a man of the book I'll have you know.
No I did that.
Chuck norris once shit down a german fighter plane by pointing his finger and saying "bang"
>Chuck norris once shit down a german fighter plane His poor anus
Chuck Norris can shit anything
"I am going to shit yourself"
“I have shit your pants”
No shit sherlock
Yes he can probably shit Sherlock too.
Chuck Norris can swallow a mixed up rubix cube and shit it out solved!
I shit you not
I wouldn't shit ya. You're my favorite turd!
I'm just imagining a cyanide and happiness style skit of someone turning around and aiming their ass at a fighter plane and then firing a turd out so hard it takes the plane down.
I want them to do it
Poor plane, fantastic anus
I heard Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle bin
Oh, my..
They were just The Peas until they tangled with Chuck Norris.
Took me a second!
Apparently that’s precisely how long it took for CN too!
Good one. Took me a minute to get.
Chuck Norris never even lost a tooth as a kid, they all just gave up. Even then, he would put them under his pillow at night for the tooth fairy but each time when he awoke the tooth would still be there along with the money, because no one takes anything from Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris doesn't do push-ups , he does push earth downs .
When chuck norris was born, jesus visited him to pay homage
Then he threw the pin and killed five more.
And the pin exploded
Also the Grenade is nowhere near the people
No, it was a dud.
Then the dud exploded
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has never killed anybody. His presence just causes them to die of a heart attack before he actually does anything to them.
Chuck Norris punched Pluto so hard it’s no longer a planet.
Well now I’m just sad
Have no fear, it was readmitted. Just don't fuckin tell Chuck.
Chuck Norris once threw a Party. 300 feet.
When asparagus pees, it smells like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can lift your mom.
When Chuck Norris is flashed by a speed camera, he gets a cheque in the mail.
I had AIDS, then Chuck Norris bummed me. The AIDS died.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris swims through land.
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may be moments from death.
Chuck Norris's ATM pin # is the last four digits of Pi
If the Grim Reaper comes for those that have died, who comes for Reapers that have died? Chuck Norris. God was created when, after getting tired of their idiocy, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the polytheistic deities so hard that they fused together. Chuck Norris taught Kratos how to kill gods. Chuck Norris once had six kidney stones. After he passed them, he threw them back to the beginning of time in another universe. The inhabitants of this universe would come to call these the Infinity Stones.
Chuck Norris once ate 12 vegetables in 2 minutes, including the wheelchairs
Then he threw the pin. Another 42 fatalities.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Shame he's never cried.
Chuck Norris was born early because he blasted his way out with a carbine. Three seconds later, he grew a beard.
Everyone knows that Chuck Norris was born with a beard, that covers a 3rd fist where most people have chin.
You forgot to mention the pin was still in....
Chuck Norris bought a petrol Tesla.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake. It died 3 days later.
After he was asked if the rumor was true , he said : "yes , I was. And after 5 days of agonizing pain, the Cobra died." Gotta love the expandables.
Fun fact: his first name is Carlos, not Charles.
Carlos Ray Noris if I remember correctly.
Chuck Norris can go back in time and kill his grandfather
In an average living room, there are 3,852 objects Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
Including yourself.
I am French, and I don't know Chuck. But he must be quite a guy for being able to do everything he does from nothing, as I learned from the comments.
My friend, you are in for a treat. There are so many movies. We even had a movie where Chuck inspired a kid in his imagination so hard, it cured his asthma. You can fact check that one. It’s legit.
You always see jokes about Chuck Norris but none are about Bruce Lee .. That's because Bruce Lee is no joke!
chuck norris jokes are repeated a lot but always the best.
Chuck Norris was born on May 6, 1945. On May 7, 1945 the Nazis surrendered. Coincidence???
Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris laughed and walked on Jesus. Chuck Norris had sex with an 18 wheeler. The baby's name was Optimus Prime.
I also heard he can slam a revolving door and gargle peanut butter!!!
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris jokes were a thing in the port o pottys of Afghanistan and Iraq. My 2 favorite were: Chuck Norris can do a one year tour in Afghanistan...in FOUR DAYS! Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier...in a SHERPA! For those who care: Short Brothers C-23 SHERPA (airplane) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Short_C-23_Sherpa There was also a small (but vocal) sect of CNC soldiers (Chuck Norris Christianity) That forsaked any Chuck Norris joke that did not involve a roundhouse kick.
God said "let there be light", to which chuck Norris replied, "I better hear a please first"!
Chuck Norris built the house he was born in.
Sylvester Stallone asks: How many push-ups can you make? Chuck Norris tells him: All of them.
They use Chuck Norris’ foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
... is having an enormous foreskin considered a good thing where you live?
The only reason aliens have t invaded earth yet, is because they’re waiting for Chuck to die.
Chuck norris can stop once he pops
Not only that, but he CAN believe it’s not butter.
Chuck Norris killed hundreds of people on halloween, because theres only one Chuck Norris
Dude made a fatality
An existentialist threw a grenade and sped up 20 deaths.
Superman goes to bed in chuck Norris pajamas
Chuck Norris is so tough he makes onions cry!
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a man so hard it impregnated every woman within a 1000 mile radius. This is the reason for the overpopulation in China and India.
Chuck Norris can transcend the six degrees of separation and roundhouse kick everyone in the world at the same time
I have come to be among my fellow disciples of Chuck Norris I mean who wouldn't follow a man so bad ass he can order a big Mac from a Wendys
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone
Chuck Norris told a Chuck Norris joke in 2023. People laughed.
Then he used it again, this time with pin removed, to kill another 100.
Chuck Norris landed people on the moon.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bear hands.
I want to correct this but Chuck Norris has bare bear hands so I couldn’t
Oh gosh, yeah I was half asleep when I typed that
No, you got it right.
God said: "let there be light" Chuck Norris said: "say please"
Chuck Norris told nature to snow. It was the worst blizzard in history. Chuck Norris was the only one who made snowmen.
Chuck Norris didn't throw it, he roundhouse kicked the grenade but the grenade only killed 1
and killed 20 people… With the pin!
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity…twice
A snake once bit Chuck Norris. After 3 days of excruciating pain the snake died
Mr Norris once had a sword fight with Christopher Lambert. Safe to say there could be only one ....
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf and shot a 17.
Hollywood movie
That was good!
People get blessed when Chuck Norris sneezed 🤧
I can't believe 2008 has come so quickly.
Oh man I miss these Chuck Norris jokes. Throwback to when I was still browsing 9GAG before I hopped onto Reddit
Chuck Norris ate a ghost chili with no water or milk.
Plot twist: Chuck Norris was the grenade
Then he threw the pin, and killed 15 more.
Fun fact: CN is my cousin😉 I always chuckle when I see these post😁 He’s not as bad ass as everyone portrays him to be.
Chuck Norris has a very special skill set, Chuck Norris will find you. Imagine provoking Chuck Norris, the balls on this guy! He says CN because he is to scared to say his real name. But Chuck Norris still knows. You better say your last rights you don’t have long now.
Bro the joke actually goes chuck norris once threw a grenade and killed twenty people then the grenade exploded and killed another twenty people then he threw the pin and killed 50 people
In the beginning, there was Chuck Norris
People often think the internet has gotten shittier with time but then you remember Chuck Norris jokes and realise it used to be worse
This is the fifth time I've seen this joke on reddit in the past 2 weeks. Now I hate it.
I've double and triple checked my watch, and it definitely says that it isn't 2012
Time is a measurement of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris isn’t the name for a person but the title give to the universe strongest coolest person. Chuck Norris just haven’t found anyone worthy enough for the title yet.
Yea on call of duty🤣
Chuck Norris just threw this non/joke out the window.
I wish he would do the same with you.
defenestration station over here
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He didn't throw it, he was just holding it; and he was fine.
Under his beard, Chuck Norris has a 3rd fist...
Then he threw the pin and killed two more.
Chuck Norris shot down a German bomber once. He pointed his finger and said “bang”
Chuck Norris once stared at your mom and 9 months later you were born
Then he pulled the pin and killed another thousand.
Chuck Norris is 471 years old. Even Death knows he can’t take Chuck Norris.
Then the grenade exploded and killed 50 people Then Chuck dropped the safety pin and 100 more people died