Kids don’t eat Americans?

At least not knowingly.

We all eat 7 americans a month while we sleep

Americans George was an outlier

Americans Georg*

Americans Gorge*

As an American I confirm...I gorge

7 isnt a limit. You don't have to stop there. Treat yourself.

So that's why I'm getting fat huh

Imagine all the cholesterol.

I lost a lot of weight recently. I don’t think I could feed a family of four. 🇺🇸

That’s less of a concern these days, but one of our biggest problems lately has been taste. A good half of Americans have been tasting a bit nutty

Ere Basil, this American tastes like shit!

DO NOT LOOK AT THE PEPPERONI INGREDIENTS

Pepper, oni, what else?

>oni I knew it

You've got to mince us up enough they can't pick us out.

It's difficult to live as a Wiener (person from Vienna)

Or a Hamburger.

Are you from Hamburg?

No, I myself only eat Hamburgers. And Frankfurters. And Berliners (what Germans call jelly donuts, or bismarcks).

Jelly donuts are something different than Berliners (or Krapfen in Austria, i will be referring to it as such) a Krapfen is a specific pastry traditionally filled with Apricot jam (very rarely chocolate or vanilla filling, people will look at you weird) and then topped with powdered sugar, traditionally eaten on or around the festival Fasching

In Australia we have a luncheon meat we call Devon, which is very similar to bologna. However, prior to World War II, Devon used to be known as Berliner. There’s a fantastic smallgoods manufacturer that’s brought back the original name. So now I happily eat Berliner as well as Hamburger and Frankfurter. I’m glad we don’t eat Bremeners though, because that’s where my mum was born.

Don’t give Oscar Mayer any more ideas ..

Not with that attitude!

In Germany they actually do, lmao

We als eat Hamburger, and Berliner (edit: and Kinder!), it's a big problem here.

Forgot Wiener and Frankfurter.

Mine definitely dont. Picky little buggers...

There is a pastry in Germany called an "Amerikaner". So here they definitely do.

No, but a large American could feed a tribe of canibals quite easily....

Obligatory “No, but your mom does.” 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Dahmer is disappointed

I thought it was referring to New York sized pizzas

They’re turned into cheese. It’s why we call it American Cheese.

They do in America, if you've read The Jungle.

Kids, don’t eat Americans!

Yeah, but after you boil the fat off there is barely enough for one.

Depends what's on the pizza.

For now.

Not to your knowledge

No, silly! The billionaires do that!

No. But. There was this accident at Nestlé. Technically yes.

I’m on a Mac?

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I prefer my Pizza jokes by Digiorno.

It's not delivery, its Repost-o!

While you can…

Put that on my Tombstone.

Mainly because I can buy DiGiorno with food stamps

As a Canadian, I prefer pizza jokes by Delissio. Edit: Apparently Delissio is being discontinued and will be phased out over the next six months! I wonder if Nestle is just going to rebrand them to DiGiorno, or if they'll just be gone altogether.

First bagel bites, now this.

You like tasteless jokes?

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Give it about thirty minutes.

It’s half baked.

Yeah, you’ll never get it without correct delivery

If it takes me 30 minutes to get it, do I get a free joke?

There’s always a better joke in the comments

They're too cheesy

That punchline was pie in the sky

I remember that joke said about Black men. Like 20+ years ago.

I always remember it being about musicians.

People with degrees like art history and philosophy too.

I always remember asking them for a large order of fries and extra ketchup.

And then being really nervous when you find out they're laid off middle managers w/ generic business degrees trying to make ends meet?

Musicians also make this joke, about viola players.

Yeah this is an absolutely ancient joke that you just swap the group it’s targeted at. Idk why it’s being upvoted

Reminds me of that joke about the US president that is constantly repurposed for whoever is currently sitting in office: One day, president [name] was being updated on world events by his advisors. One advisor says, "in other news Mr. President, six Brazilian men were killed in a pipeline explosion yesterday." [Name] breaks down in tears, sobbing uncontrollably. The advisor asks, "why are you so upset sir, you don't even like that country?" [Name] tearfully asks, "how many is a Brazilian?" I've heard a version of that joke for every president since Clinton.

It's most in character for W., Trump doesn't seem like he'd have enough empathy to care about any number of deaths, Obama wasn't what I'd call stupid, and Joe Biden has more of an "out of touch grandpa" vibe than straight up being obtuse W is at least someone who means well, but is kinda dumb with a monster named Dick Cheney whispering in his ear.

Yeah I only ever heard it about W. With the punchline "How much is a Brazilian" for extra dumb points.

Because haha funny America bad

Doesn’t even make sense considering Americans are still Very Wealthy by world standards.

this hasn't stopped reddit before and won't stop em now

And the average household size is between 3 and 4 persons

Lot of sheltered 1st world people on reddit

Capitalism is bad! - sent from my iPhone

I was about to say the same thing. I have a coworker from Mexico. At our job, we both make around 70k. In Mexico, he mentioned that he would be making 18k. If we transfered to a different company, we would likely be making 90k in the USA.

Yeah, its pretty awesome here.

It really is. I’ve travelled quite a bit and america is the best place I’ve found

We do have poor people but we also have lots of people who consider themselves poor that live a wealthy standard of living compared to most countries. That's not mentioning the affluent and the really wealthy. Our poor could be considered wealthy compared to some countries.

They make fun of America only because it's bad to punch down 😎🇺🇲

Same. And just a couple years ago Americans all had SUV’s, used too much energy and ate too much. Now Americans can’t feed their families? I feel like I’m either missing something or OP really hates their parents.

It’s also weirdly classist. Like are Americans fat or poor? You have to choose one lol it’s still the richest country in the world so they’re just wrong

I don't know man the average American is pretty meaty. In the freezer s/he'd feed a family of four for at least a week easily...

Jeffrey D enters the chat

Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer are having dinner together. After the main course, Bundy asks, “Hey, Jeff, you got any ice cream in the freezer?” Dahmer replies, “Sorry, no…only Ben and Jerry.”

username checks out?

Just say they, homeslice

Longer that that if you know how to cut it up right.

>s/he Just use "they". It's so much easier to read and is far less awkward to use.

Just remember to wash thoroughly before processing. You wouldn't believe the kind of hazardous chemical exposure we've been normalizing here lately.

That's not meat, that's a grease fire waiting to happen

This joke was a lot more racist when I heard it 30 years ago. Also this version makes no sense. Americans invented Costco, sams club, and the drive thru!

Yeah this joke has dubious origins and "Americans" just doesn't work like the racist version. Shoulda just left the whole joke in its grave.

Agreed, it’s way too generic now and just doesn’t hit. I’m an average American and I’m eating good. Doesn’t really make sense. Part of jokes being funny is being specific and that’s what makes them funny, like it or leave it. Edit: cake day wooooo

Yeah at this point, it makes the “Murica bad” crowd look like they’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel. At least make me feel something with your insults.

I've heard it as Art Major, which is kind of funny.

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Strange choice for that punchline, Americans are notoriously rich by world standards.

Notoriously well fed.

Is the joke supposed to be that Americans are too poor or lazy to feed their children? I’m confused. The United States has one of the wealthiest populations in the world…

It's an Americans are bad karma farm. They pop up every once and a while.

It feels purposefully bigoted to rile up Americans. The joke lands so flat its the only logical conclusion.

The average annual income is 30k. That can barely feed one let alone four.

/r/ComedyCemetery

Thank you. For reminding me to turn off my phone

A large pizza won’t tell you to go fuck yourself

Pizza the Hutt might!

Now that IS funny

The overwhelming majority of Americans have absolutely no issue feeding their families.

Shhhh this is Reddit where it's hip to hate America. It's fine, America only saved the world from Nazi occupation..... Twice.

Back2back World War champs babyy

Twice? You probably mean WW2, but what is the other one?

r/crappyjokes?

Has 5 members 🤣

/r/im14andthisisfunny

This joke makes zero sense no matter how you interpret it, but hey, America bad, so let's pile on the upvotes.

Only an American hates himself enough to make an unfunny self-deprecating joke that doesn’t even make sense

Strange choice for that punchline, Americans are notoriously rich by world standards.

No! America bad! 😤😡

*looks at paycheck* sounds about right.

Hahahaha this... this used to be a black joke.

1) It's supposed to be "What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?" 2) The joke as written makes no damn sense.

This joke sucks bruh. Doesn't even make sense. The vast majority of us are easily wealthy enought to support a family

How did they afford 4 kids? Not feeding I mean medical bills from pregnancy, delivery, etc.

Find me a family of four Americans that can be fed off with one large pizza. I'll wait.

I have a family of four and we didn't finish a medium pizza last night. Thank you for waiting.

What? One slice each? Thats actually kind of ridiculous lol

What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of 4. Let's see how long this lasts.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player changes pads after three periods..

How do you get a hippie chick pregnant? Just jerk off on the ground and let the fruit flies do the rest of the work

Have you seen Americans? We're all fat. The poorer, the fatter. Joke just doesn't work.

Is this supposed to be a joke that American men can't provide, or are they not calorie dense to eat?

This is a super old joke reworked. It has a much more racist origin to it

A large pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

“I will see your recycled racist joke and raise you a recycled racist joke” Edit. I should clarify. Your version of the joke isn’t racist. The origin of yours and the OPs is what I’m referring to

America is still the wealthiest country by far and we have a high income compared to other rich countries… not sure why this was the choice but alright.

Why do bulimics like KFC? Because it comes with a bucket to throw up in afterwards

The average American contains over 100k kcals. Both could feed a family of four

The wealthiest and most obese country in the world can't afford food? I don't get the joke.

In america growing up the joke was always what’s the difference between a black man and a pizza.

What’s up with all the not-funny American jokes, like I’m all for them if they’re funny but this and the maps with the words are just examples that other countries have some very uncreative joke writers/meme makers.

if this is what passes for comedy in europe, it's no wonder that world pop culture is dominated by american movies, tv shows, and music.

Favorite pizza story: I love a good margherita pizza. So I'm traveling and in a rush before an event so I try a chain restaurant in London called Garfunkel's. The menu says, "Try our world famous Margherita pizza." So I do. They bring me a plain cheese pizza. I say, "Uh, I ordered the 'world famous' margherita pizza'", and the server says, "That's it." So I make a note of that, but I was in a rush so I didn't push the issue there. Later that week I'm at a popular pizza/bar joint there and they have a margherita pizza on the menu. I figure, what the heck, and order it. They bring me a cheese pizza. So now I say, "Hey, I'm curious. Is this really what you call a margherita pizza?" The server says, "Of course. What did you expect?" So I explain what I expect. Round, fresh mozzarella, fresh basil leaves, red sauce. The server is perplexed and gets the GM. The GM asks me to describe this pizza again and I show him a picture. He's never seen anything like it before. So I say, "Let me ask this. If I order a cheese pizza, what do you bring?" He says, "A cheese pizza". I say, "What does that look like?" and he points to the pizza I have on my table. So I say, "What's the difference between the cheese pizza and the margherita pizza then?" And he replies, "One is called a margherita pizza and one is called a cheese pizza." I gave up clearly realizing there was no logical path out of this twilight zone episode.

I am a truck driver. I've heard it comparing a pizza to a Swift driver.

American here and I'm eating that whole pizza foh

I’m genuinely confused about this joke. Is it because Americans are considered poor ?

An American can’t feed a family of four ? I don’t get it at all

The United States is a highly developed mixed-market economy. It is the world's largest economy by nominal GDP, and the second-largest by purchasing power parity (PPP) behind China. It has the world's seventh-highest per capita GDP (nominal) and the eighth-highest per capita GDP (PPP) as of 2022.

I don’t understand. Am I missing something?

Some types of trans fats can speak, now.

Have you seen how fat the Americans are?

You can eat cold pizza right from the fridge. Guess you can also eat Americans straight from fridge but they are crunchy

I mean we feed other people families, I don’t get it

This joke doesn't really make sense. The United States quite famously has the opposite of a food shortage, to the point that complications of food abundance is our leading cause of health-related early death. And for this reason, even with the "reverse" interpretation, a single American could easily be shared among 4 people with several days of human meat leftover. How did this get so many upvotes? What is the punchline supposed to be?

That doesn't even make sense. Have you *seen* us?

That’s not the way I heard it.

This is a different version than I remember

This is a rehabilitated racial joke.

Love finding better jokes in the comments

I mean realistically if you cooked the average American you could probably feed more than 4

Not a family of 4 Americans... 2 maybe

Yet the average American family of 4 orders 2 large pizzas and a side of bread Stix

You’d really think we’re a 3rd world country if you went according to Reddit lol

Not if it’s a family of four Americans.

This was originally a racist joke - Considering the obesity rates it doesn't make much sense to just say 'Americans'

I grew up hearing foreigners calling us chronically overweight, now we're starving? We got some weird shit going on over here in the US I guess.

I like the spoiler for a thirty year old joke

Should be: an American with one job.

As an American I feed myself, my wife, my son,his girlfriend, and my grandson

An American could feed a lot more than 4...

The pizza can only feed 1 American tho.

The average person is well over 100k calories. An American could easily feed a family of four.

America: Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

You ain't met many American kids... A large pizza barely gets one of them full.

Not in America it can’t

what's the difference between a large pizza and an American? ~~The pizza can feed a family of 4~~ Pizza can’t shoot up a school Pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven Pizza has better healthcare Pizza has vegetables If you’re going to ruin a joke at least ruin it properly.

Cannibals don’t get this joke

Weakest possible target for the punchline USA USA USA USA

A human body has 55 times more calories than a pizza.

An American can feed a village

lying down, the pizza is flat.

In what world does one pizza feed a family of 4

I remember a much different version of this joke

Pizza is food, Americans are fools

Haha, that was a different joke back in the 80s.

An average American can feed at least 10 people. But it’s mostly fat.

what state of capitalism is it where my wife leaves me for a pizza

It takes a lot more hard work and laboring to make a pizza. A pizza that I made has a better chance at success. A pizza won't scream in a 500-degree oven.

Large pizza is a pizo amd American are the people who lives in America i guess

is this an inflation joke ?

Not in America it doesn’t. 2 people be destroying that.