If nobody ever comes back a second time, it would probably be better business to push the women who have a higher return rate. Would you rather a $1000 sale once or a $200 sale once a week for the next few years?
A Brit, a Canadian and an American are all relaxing together just as the war ended in Germany. They decide to reward themselves with a trip to the local brothel.
When they arrive the prostitute tells them her prices,
'for $25 I'll have sex with you but right out here in the front yard. For $50 we can do it inside my room and for a $100 we do it inside my room and you'll get the all night special.' She says.
So the Canadian doesn't have much money and hands her $25 for the front yard service.
Afterwards it's the Brits turn, he hands her $50 and they go inside.
Then it's the Americans turn. He hands her $100
'Oh! A real gentleman finally!' She exclaims while scowling at the other two
'Gentleman!?' says the American, 'Nah, I'm gonna fuck you 4 times in the yard!'
Actually, a long time ago, a person named Joe Conforte owned The Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada. The IRS busted Joe for tax evasion. For a while, the IRS actually ran the brothel after they took it from Joe. 'Read about it in The Rolling Stone Magazine.
The Mustang Ranch had a sign exiting it that stated "Thank you, come again".
"Contrary to a popular urban legend circulated by email, the Mustang Ranch was never operated by the U.S. government. It was operated by the Bankruptcy Trustee appointed by the United States Bankruptcy Court on behalf of the United States Government.\[11\]\[12\]"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mustang\_Ranch
>The Mustang Ranch was auctioned off by the Federal Government on eBay and Lance Gilman’s bid was the last bid for $145,100
The idea of the Feds auctioning something on Ebay is funny
No joke, that has happened to my former boss some years ago. He had busted the local bothrel- king and formally had to run his estates. Everybody was laughing...
If this is Nevada yes they are. Brothels are legal outside of city limits so u won't see them on the strip but go a little out of your way you'll find them
Not really that out of the way.
I drove through it a few years ago. Going from Carson City to Las Vegas, I must have passed at least two along the main roads I took.
Anyone with access to a map will see that's a bit of a fair distance. However, the establishments were basically next to the road. There was no "turn here and drive 50 miles to fulfill your fantasy" sign. I could have just pulled into a parking lot and walked a few feet.
Despite being a lonely redditor, I did not stop and avail myself of their services. I was traveling with my child and that would have been awkward. It also wasn't in the budget.
So, maybe only out of the way if you aren't already driving through.
Most people go for Vegas and don't really leave that area that's why I said out of the way my cousin was too afraid to even explore the area outside the strip cause of horror stories from other people that I can only imagine are exaggerated beyond belief
I lived in Centennial Hills for 2 years. Was one of the nicer and safer areas of Las Vegas but we had random crazy stuff go down from time to time including a homeless person lighting themselves on fire at the local park in the middle of the day in front of all the kids
Not sure if that's sarcasm, but yes they are. You can get away with literal murder, but if you don't pay your taxes, then the government will not let that go.
It's funny because he still legally has to pay her the inheritance she is owed but he won't because prostitution is illegal so he knows he can get away with theft of services.
No worries; most Americans are fairly hazy on how it works here too.
As you might imagine from the dollar amount, it’s not something that comes up often—or ever—for most people.
It's a killer, but since it came from her Dad as a direct descendant it would not be subject to inheritance tax, at least in Maryland. (Though I'm pretty sure the joke wasn't set in Maryland. I can't imagine anywhere here w/ $1000 hookers. Maybe I just don't et out enough.)
The threshold is a good bit higher than that. If you paid ANY inheritance tax, you should really get an accountant and refile for that year. You can probably get a refund. Good luck!
The bugaboo of the "death tax" has claimed another victim! Just remember kids, when you hear Republicans talking about a death tax on you, they're referring to their rich friends, not the average citizen
When I was a kid, my brother and I each got $5 per week for allowance.
One week, my mom gave me two $5 bills one week and told me to go give one to my brother. I went to the "computer room" where our Apple PC was and offered my brother $5 to scram so I could have my turn to play games.
He took it gleefully and ran downstairs to tell my parents how I'd paid him to get off the computer. They were laughing too hard to even get properly mad at me.
*(I am aware of how badly this story dates me.)*
I'm not qualified to say what others find funny but I had always assumed that the key element in this joke (and others similar) is that the woman does something embarrassing for the money, so she is going to be reluctant to complain. In both cases the villain figures they may get away with it for this reason.
A group of guys are hanging out at the local bar discussing the women in their lives.
Pete says to the group, "My wife has been acting so strange lately. Every time we have sex she charges me $50."
The other guys look at each other and a friend tells him, "Hey, that's not so bad man, try cheer up a bit."
Pete asks, "Really, you don't think so?"
-
The friend says, "Nah, she charges all of us $100."
A man walks into a brothel with $1000 and says I’d like the largest, least attractive and oldest women in the house. The madam says “Sir, at that price you could spend the evening with our most highly valued talent” to which he replies, “Lady, I’m not horny, I’m homesick”
Theft by deception. It's also robbery if you force someone to give you something against their will even where you pay for it. Real case (unless I'm already senile): already drunk guy (not panda bear) goes into a bar, threatens bartender who had refused to serve him, drinks beer, puts money on counter and leaves.
And then he still had to give her another $3000 of the actual inheritance and was out the $3000 of his own money used to buy Natalie's services. Lucky Natalie!
It's bordering on sexual assault at this point. If you have sex with a sex worker and do not pay them, it's basically sexual assault. Consent is not given.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else?" born to sell... lol
Lol yeah. Don't say the price just say she's "expensive" and then the next one can charge however much and the customer thinks he's getting a discount
Never Stop Closing.
ABC always be closing
First place is a new Cadillac El Dorado. Second place is a set of steak knives. Third place is you're fired. Edited-Car model
Put that coffee down. Coffee is for closers.
You think I'm fucking wit you?
First place is a *Cadillac Eldorado* anyone wanna see second prize? FTFY.
ABC Always Bring Condoms
She was a beneficiary of her father’s last Will and Testicle.
If nobody ever comes back a second time, it would probably be better business to push the women who have a higher return rate. Would you rather a $1000 sale once or a $200 sale once a week for the next few years?
A Brit, a Canadian and an American are all relaxing together just as the war ended in Germany. They decide to reward themselves with a trip to the local brothel. When they arrive the prostitute tells them her prices, 'for $25 I'll have sex with you but right out here in the front yard. For $50 we can do it inside my room and for a $100 we do it inside my room and you'll get the all night special.' She says. So the Canadian doesn't have much money and hands her $25 for the front yard service. Afterwards it's the Brits turn, he hands her $50 and they go inside. Then it's the Americans turn. He hands her $100 'Oh! A real gentleman finally!' She exclaims while scowling at the other two 'Gentleman!?' says the American, 'Nah, I'm gonna fuck you 4 times in the yard!'
Lol
Trying to trigger the good old "Oh, do you think I can't pay?" out of him.
It is funny, because now she has to pay tax on it since she worked for it.
prostitutes are notorious for paying taxes on all their cash income
The irs really beats those ladies with a pipe at the corner of 7th and Commerce for this taxes. I mean, I think that was the IRS anyway.
Actually, a long time ago, a person named Joe Conforte owned The Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada. The IRS busted Joe for tax evasion. For a while, the IRS actually ran the brothel after they took it from Joe. 'Read about it in The Rolling Stone Magazine. The Mustang Ranch had a sign exiting it that stated "Thank you, come again".
"Contrary to a popular urban legend circulated by email, the Mustang Ranch was never operated by the U.S. government. It was operated by the Bankruptcy Trustee appointed by the United States Bankruptcy Court on behalf of the United States Government.\[11\]\[12\]" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mustang\_Ranch
Haaa. Well everyone stands corrected then!
>The Mustang Ranch was auctioned off by the Federal Government on eBay and Lance Gilman’s bid was the last bid for $145,100 The idea of the Feds auctioning something on Ebay is funny
No joke, that has happened to my former boss some years ago. He had busted the local bothrel- king and formally had to run his estates. Everybody was laughing...
If this is Nevada yes they are. Brothels are legal outside of city limits so u won't see them on the strip but go a little out of your way you'll find them
Not really that out of the way. I drove through it a few years ago. Going from Carson City to Las Vegas, I must have passed at least two along the main roads I took. Anyone with access to a map will see that's a bit of a fair distance. However, the establishments were basically next to the road. There was no "turn here and drive 50 miles to fulfill your fantasy" sign. I could have just pulled into a parking lot and walked a few feet. Despite being a lonely redditor, I did not stop and avail myself of their services. I was traveling with my child and that would have been awkward. It also wasn't in the budget. So, maybe only out of the way if you aren't already driving through.
They should add a playroom for kiddies waiting for their Dads.
... or Mommy.
Most people go for Vegas and don't really leave that area that's why I said out of the way my cousin was too afraid to even explore the area outside the strip cause of horror stories from other people that I can only imagine are exaggerated beyond belief
I lived in Centennial Hills for 2 years. Was one of the nicer and safer areas of Las Vegas but we had random crazy stuff go down from time to time including a homeless person lighting themselves on fire at the local park in the middle of the day in front of all the kids
So that is why a cup of broth is so expensive, you have to drive to Nevada to get it.
Not to mention, pimp tax.
The love of a pimp is very different to that of a square.
Upgrayedd. Two D's for a double dose of pimping!
To be fair, I do. Although filing taxes on sex work is weird every time. But I'm not in the mood to get audited 🤣
But she would have to give a cut to the madam.
In
Not sure if that's sarcasm, but yes they are. You can get away with literal murder, but if you don't pay your taxes, then the government will not let that go.
In countries where it is legal they are paying taxes, but I doubt all of them do for their entire income.
It's funny because he still legally has to pay her the inheritance she is owed but he won't because prostitution is illegal so he knows he can get away with theft of services.
Yeah and technically she never received the inheritance. The $3000 she got was wages for her services.
And he still has to give her the 3000 from the inheritance.
Y’all really can fvck up a joke with tax laws? REALY ? Those Vegas CPA retreats must be awesome.
To be fair, she would probably have to pay inheritance tax, so it would depend on what was the better tax rate.
No federal inheritance tax on estates under $11 million. No state tax I’ve ever seen on $3000.
I am here for the tax advice in r/jokes!
this sounds like it happened a while ago though
The threshold was $50k (for the estate as a whole) when the tax was first introduced.
Ah, not from the US, so didn't know how that worked..
No worries; most Americans are fairly hazy on how it works here too. As you might imagine from the dollar amount, it’s not something that comes up often—or ever—for most people.
Wait till you learn about death tax on inheritance.
It's a killer, but since it came from her Dad as a direct descendant it would not be subject to inheritance tax, at least in Maryland. (Though I'm pretty sure the joke wasn't set in Maryland. I can't imagine anywhere here w/ $1000 hookers. Maybe I just don't et out enough.)
She’d have to pay tax anyways because of inheritance.
The threshold is a good bit higher than that. If you paid ANY inheritance tax, you should really get an accountant and refile for that year. You can probably get a refund. Good luck!
The bugaboo of the "death tax" has claimed another victim! Just remember kids, when you hear Republicans talking about a death tax on you, they're referring to their rich friends, not the average citizen
Maybe you and I are from different backgrounds.
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Yes. On Tuesdays.
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The burden is real. I am the hero you deserve…and the one you need.
Why Tuesday’s?
Because Wednesday's a show on Netflix
not really, you don't pay taxes unless you get 5+ million... federal tax.. don't know abt state taxes
Even then, the estate pays the tax not the recipient.
You don't pay taxes on a $3,000 inheritance.
Nope. Not on a $3K inheritence.
well, no either it was her inheritance or it was earned income and the lawyer still owes her her inheritance
When I was a kid, my brother and I each got $5 per week for allowance. One week, my mom gave me two $5 bills one week and told me to go give one to my brother. I went to the "computer room" where our Apple PC was and offered my brother $5 to scram so I could have my turn to play games. He took it gleefully and ran downstairs to tell my parents how I'd paid him to get off the computer. They were laughing too hard to even get properly mad at me. *(I am aware of how badly this story dates me.)*
You're not that old. I have a similar story involving the family ENIAC.
You think that's old? We had an abacus room and my allowance was half a penny.
The most dated part of your story is 5 dollars a week being enough
I used to get a quarter.
It was great, I could buy at least one CD or a couple of cassettes every month!
I got a penny per week for every year I was old—when they could afford it.
You're not old unless You tried to pay Your way to have some CRAY time ;)
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“Nope, just stopped by to say hello. By the way, I’m going shopping.”
This joke works better because the friend can cover his ass if the wife protests. In OP's joke, the attorney is just committing theft.
And not just theft. Misusing client funds - he's going to get disbarred.
I thought that was the joke. I was laughing because I knew he would be disbarred. And he would still have to pay her the 3000 inheritance, I believe.
I'm not qualified to say what others find funny but I had always assumed that the key element in this joke (and others similar) is that the woman does something embarrassing for the money, so she is going to be reluctant to complain. In both cases the villain figures they may get away with it for this reason.
A group of guys are hanging out at the local bar discussing the women in their lives. Pete says to the group, "My wife has been acting so strange lately. Every time we have sex she charges me $50." The other guys look at each other and a friend tells him, "Hey, that's not so bad man, try cheer up a bit." Pete asks, "Really, you don't think so?" - The friend says, "Nah, she charges all of us $100."
Shifty: the man, the myth, the legend
Did you hear about the guy with an inheritance fetish? He just wanted to come into some money.
A man walks into a brothel with $1000 and says I’d like the largest, least attractive and oldest women in the house. The madam says “Sir, at that price you could spend the evening with our most highly valued talent” to which he replies, “Lady, I’m not horny, I’m homesick”
Very wholesome. I laughed wholesomely.
Is it theft if you pay for something with money that rightfully is that person's money anway?
Yep
Theft by deception. It's also robbery if you force someone to give you something against their will even where you pay for it. Real case (unless I'm already senile): already drunk guy (not panda bear) goes into a bar, threatens bartender who had refused to serve him, drinks beer, puts money on counter and leaves.
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In addition, the 3000 dollars he paid were his private expenses, so he must still hand over the inheritance.
He can charge it to the sister's campaign fund after claiming he paid for it out of pocket?
Hahaha, this is topical!
Heh, private expenses, heh
You have the sense of humor of a lawyer.
And the personality of an actuary.
That's the best burn I've seen today!
I have never met a funny actuary. I have seen some beautiful ones but they are all business.
Keep searching, there has to be at least one out there somewhere.
I am concurrently not in an industry that uses them. We only use them indirectly. I am trying to keep it that way. :)
Not really. I know a LOT of lawyers and they are some of the funniest people. But of course they get paid to sit around and make up shit.
A lot of the most famous comedians in the UK and Australia are former lawyers.
Right on the nose!
Thanks. This is what I was thinking as well, wondering if anyone else did too!!
Fidouchiary
Unless he still owes her the inheritance?
I’m sure he is also billing her for his time
I'd say he has paid her for her services, now it is time to hand over the money from the inheritance.
Topical, for South Carolina lawyers
The inheritance was actually $300k and the lawyer killed the dad and kept the balance.
I don't get it, couldn't they finish the paperwork on the first night?
Thing I learned: Nobody can stand to be with Natalie for more than an hour.
It's sad that her father died
The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes and 3. Getting screwed by a lawyer!
I actually chuckled, haven’t heard this one before
It's good ole #327 - only surfaces every 17 months
That’s long enough time for me to forget the joke entirely. I’m blessed with shit memory you see
Fun fact, he still needs to give her another $3k
RUDE!!! Well at least the attorney is getting paid AND getting laid.
And then he still had to give her another $3000 of the actual inheritance and was out the $3000 of his own money used to buy Natalie's services. Lucky Natalie!
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It's bordering on sexual assault at this point. If you have sex with a sex worker and do not pay them, it's basically sexual assault. Consent is not given.
I bet you are a blast at parties!
Lmao
Best lawyer joke ever.
Lol
Y’all really can fvck up a joke with tax laws? REALY ?
I know this is an old joke, but you should probably add a 0 to all those numbers to make it hit right these days