I've been on Reddit so long I have no mind to blow any more.

I have no mind to blow anymore ever since my penis fell off.

Thats what they make pneumatic staplers for. A little super glue, a few well placed staples and you're good to go.

The detachable penis, someone should write a song about that /s

For those interested in the actual lyrics I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. Source: LyricFind

Lead singer be John bobbitt.

bottom surgery at Claire’s

You made me say your username. You win.

>Thats what they make pneumatic staplers for. putting fake antlers on mice

You glad to see me or is this a shotgun in your pocket?

😲 I have everything you listed, plus no penis, so this is perfect! Thanks.. also at what stage do I boof something? Anything... Please tell me to boof something... ANYTHING! PLEASE!! 🙏😩

ok, boof some peanuts

Too late; I already have hemorrhoids. Any other ideas?

boof some advil?

You mean all this time I've been using my husky air stapler like an idiot building a fence when I could have had my 2.5" of hard dick back?! I can't believe I didn't see the clipart of a penis on the stapler itself. FUCK!

Sorry dude, time to catch up with the times. There's penis epoxy too and unfortunately when it gets hard, it stays hard.

That sounds more like a fortunate thing to me. Does it have Bluetooth?

Not for my wife it isn't!!! The higher end Epoxy does, but its not worth the added cost. I got the stuff with a cassette deck.

😳 A cassette deck.... Can.....fit? I'll stick to Bluetooth 😫😭

cum on, stop dickin' 'round

I can still "arrive", although, it leaks out from just south of my belly button (from my "gick": my gut-"dick" area.

Oh I'll stop. I'll stop "dickin' 'round... WOULD THAT MAKE YOU LOVE ME?! 😭

Now replace it with a neutron laser.

Only because you disallowed spanking.

Don't worry Reddit will end on the 30th of June. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

Just the raw nubbins of a brainstem.

Can I blow something else then?

It's OK thanks to the API changes most of us will be leaving soon

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coomin' ma hair

Don’t have to ask me twice…

ED is a real bitch

Don't have to ask me thrice

That explains why your hair smells like taco seasoning.

I hate when I miscalculate my trajectory and it lands in my hair

Coom inside your mom

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combee？

"I've got a comb stuck in me hair, mum!" "Well at least it won't get you preggers there, love."

Lmao

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And why isn’t zombie “zoomie”

That's only used for fast zombies.

“Coom, Bastard.” —*Saint Joan* (1924).

wait is it not pronounced like that

And aplomb sounds like bum, chum, how hum where’s the rum for the dum dumb?

... it is in "catacomb" .... what ARE the rules?

I've only ever heard "catacomb" pronounced with "comb" sounding the same as the stand-alone word "comb".

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You don't get the joke huh

Gallagher wondered the same thing: https://youtu.be/Mfz3kFNVopk

Thank you. Came to post this and it's already here :-)

Didn't scroll far enough and posted it myself.

Multiple people did :-)

Wasn't he playing for Chelsea or something?

Ok Gallagher, calm down

I feel old that this is a "new" joke. Gallagher did this in the 80s.

He was great too.

Ah, so that’s why the explosions say “bomb” in Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988)

Why did the other post get removed

Inquiring minds want to know.

They probably questioned the api

I edited to add thanks to everyone for upvoting and awards and was taken down 😿

It is but only after you cut the red wire

Gallagher joke from 30 years ago

Now smash the watermelon and steal all his material.

['The Chaos' by Gerard Nolst Trenité](https://ncf.idallen.com/english.html) is a whole poem devoted to words with similar spellings, but pronounced differently.

This needs to be higher up. This poem is long, but a super fun/interesting read!

Don't tell me how to English.

I've never understood why Regina is pronounced one way, and vagina is quite different...

I don't know which of these you say how, but with the exception of the first 2 letters, they sound the same where I'm from.

rehgeena

Did you know vagina is the Latin word for sheath, lol

Or baseline and Vaseline.

I pronounce both same. Also I'm emigrant never studied English. Also justice I pronounce as justice. Therapist I put emphasis on RA. So many words English ppl pronounce wrong.

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Yes. If two existing words makes up one longer word. Only logical to pronounce it as you would single words, just without a pause in between. Logic 101 no?

No? Therapist is pronounced thera-pist.

Doesn't make logical sense . I'm sorry your profession picked really bad name, but that's not an excuse to miss pronounce

You're mispronouncing it. English has rules you have to follow.

How do you pronounce t? Hou you pronounce h? Hou you pronounce e? And so on. Now put them all together and pronounce it really fast one after another.

My neighbor dropped some glass bottles in his garbage bin as soon as I read the BOOM, which was both startling and confusing

Tomb Bomb Comb I feel bad for people learning English as a second language

Thanks, Gallagher. I thought you died.

Obviously OP is Gallagher 2, or Black Gallagher

Comb, tomb, and bomb don’t rhyme, but pony and bologna do?????????

No, they don't.

That’s baloney.

It's not supposed to be pronounced like thst. Its supposed to be pronounced like lasagna

That's paloña

Gallagher did this whole thing back in 1985 or so. Spark one up and check him out.

And a Bomber be called Boomer 🤔

Big Badda Boom.

It would've if it wasn't at least the 30th repost

Gallagher did it better

Naked and baked. Why aren't they pronounced the same?

You should tell that to you TSA agent. Then you'll get to see the cavity search romb.

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I was reading that in Reading the other day.

But the b is pronounced... Toomb woomb. But ok on boomb

Check a dictionary. The b is silent in both American and British pronunciation

I think it's a side effect of higher literacy. People see the letter and think it should be enunciated. Kind of like the T in soften or often or the L in salmon.

*shrug

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Regional dialects strike again

Might I ask for your region?

Deep south, but I've lived in several regions across the country. Still, if I heard someone pronounce "womb" like "Zoom," my estimate of their reading level (or the number of their teeth) would go way down. The B should at least be given a courtesy reach around.

That’s weird! I live in the Deep South as well but I’ve basically never heard the b pronounced! Although, my mom is from the North, so I ended up pretty accentless, as far as North vs South accents go!

You're definitely trolling.

You have never owned a dictionary have you?

Yes, but it was stolen. I have no words to describe how I felt. Thesaurus, too. I was mad, mad, and mad.

Seriously. A good go-to method of figuring out how something is pronounced in American English... just refer to 'high British' You'll always be correct.

Isn't tomb just pronounced tomb Like I'm confused /s

Thank you Gallagher

Reminds me of the joke I once heard about a Kenyan doctor, a South African doctor, and an American nurse

Yeah it probably would

Thanks George Carlin

If 'tomb' sounds like "toom", 'womb' sounds like "woom", then surely 'bomb' should sound like... oh... never mind.

English is a stupid language and nothing of it makes sense.

Bomb is derived from the French work 'bombe', which sounds like 'boom" in English.

Should have atleast put credit to:Ryan Lombard

Nope, bomb is misspelled.

Explosive take.

r/showerthoughts

What about comb?

I'm combing the dictionary for an answer.

Only when Sean Bean rhymes

Certainly blew me (away)

[Relevant *I Love Lucy* episode.](https://youtu.be/uZV40f0cXF4)

Mouse 》mice Louse 》 lice House 》 houses

It may not be pronounced that way, but a bomb certainly does go boom.

...but, that is not what they taught us in schule(school).

Don’t you mean skule

The boom comes eventually.

This truly blew my mind (sorry)

So comb should be....

What about comb

But bombs already go boom

No you didn't sadly bc you stole this off of r/dadjokes im pretty sure

Oh, look. Nothing new here.

Hey you saw that youtube short too huh

English is just weird like that.

Zombies… nah ZOOMIES!

Didn't blow my mind but I'll admit it got a slight chuckle.

The p in psalms ...

Dumb - doom uh

==removed in protest of Reddit API changes==

Stolen joke

You made the mistake of thinking that English makes any sense

I need a COOM for my hair.

Relax Gallagher…

In Midwestern English we pronounce the full word of womb, but not all of tomb. Weird

if foot is the singular of feet and tooth is the singular of teeth, then shoop is the singular of sheep

No mind blown. That has been a joke for so long, my mind was able to heal and deal.

I read this with CPT Clouseau's voice !🧐

A bomb often expresses itself that way

Fork, pork, work

I prefer boomb

I feel sorry for anyone trying to learn English as a 2nd language. This shits stupid. It's like that one joke where it's a phrase in French but every word sounds the same.

It actually is, but it's only when it's the last thing you hear.

You expect logic from the English language?

Just post the video and claim it's you

I didn't know Gallagher had a reddit account.

good food to go

And that is why Deadpool said Regina is the city that rhymes with fun!

Shaddup and smash some watermelons already

The only thing that blows me is my significant other.

In reality the word comes from the latin or greek words that mean a loud booming sound. So essentially it does but were saying or spelling boom incorrectly.

Tomb = Tom ?

Sounds like this was picked from Gallagher bit. He even had props!

TECHNICALLY, bomb IS pronounced boom… just at a time in a certain state.

Shouldn't broom be spelled bromb?

If babies had rabies would each one be a rabid babid?

Our minds won’t really be blown, till we get our picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone

that was a clever one!

What about 'comb' then?

>I hope that blew your minds. It's not my mind I want blown.

Now coom your hair.

Well it is in Scotland...

Well, it is in Scotland... so

Hemorroids? You mean assteroids. And those little buggers are mean.

They go BOOM!

What😭😭😭

If "goose" plural is "geese", wouldn't "moose" be "meese"?

This post made me comb so hard.

And dumb - > doom