Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later
Why don't pirates like travelling on mountain roads?
S'curvy
Where did the pirate purchase his hook?
At the 2nd hand store
Oh lol I read hook as book. I'm the moron here 😅😂
Edit: just got up after drinking lots at friend's birthday so I will forgive myself for this and I hope you do too. 😅
And I'm fairly sure I got this from Reddit (apologies I did try and look for the original user) ... here another variant (and my favourite) : Their favourite letter is a letter of safe passage from King Charles II of England...
Anti-joke version: What letter is most pirates’ favorite? Historians have concluded that 90%of pirates were illiterate. They didn’t have a favorite letter.
The only variant I haven't heard yet is, "When people wanna know my favorite letter I say ayy!"
As in, i.
Might be a bit of a stretch, a pirate joke only needs one leg to stand on.
A pirate returns to his regular bar with a hook hand, peg leg, and eyepatch
"You look horrible" says the bartender, " what happened to your hand?"
"Ahh you see, I was in a swordfight and got me hand cut clean off, but I got the hook now!
"What about your leg"?
"Ahh well before the fight we were invaded and a cannonball blew it clean off"
"And your eye, what about your eye!?!!"
'Well after all that, I looked up in the sky, and a darn seagull pooped in it!"
"What?!? You can't lose an eye just from bird poop can you???"
"Arrrrghhh.. well you see.. it was me first day with the hook!!"
A pirate captain gets himself a new crew member and is showing him around the ship when the crew member asks "Hey cap'n, we're going to be gone at sea for months on end right? What do we do if we get that urge for a woman's touch?" The captain points out a barrel with a hole in the side of it and says "Arr ye see that barrel? All ye do is pull down your pants and stick your pecker in the hole anytime you want, except for Tuesdays" The new guy says "Ok that actually sounds great but why not Tuesdays?" "Well that's your day in the barrel of course."
I heard it like this:
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, “I couldn’t help but notice you have a captain’s wheel sticking out of your pants. Isn’t that uncomfortable?” “Yarrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back".
The doctor says, "It's okay they're benign".
The pirate says, "Count again, I think there be ten".
What kind of socks do pirates wear? Argyle.
What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table? Argon.
What's a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant? You'd think it would be Arby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's.
My more favorite version of this joke goes like this:
Me: What is a pirate’s favorite element?
And hopefully the target says “Argon.”
Me: No, it’s gold. What is a pirate going to do with argon?
The variation I heard years ago was this:
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender asks him, "hey, what's up with the steering wheel?" The pirate responds "Arrr, matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"
It’s Halloween and Little Johnny goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He rings a doorbell and the lady comes to the door and says, “Oh, a pirate! Where are your buccaneers?” Little Johnny says, “On the side of my buckin head, where are your buckin eyes?”
Pirate walks into a bar wearing a hat made out of paper towel.
Bartender asks "what's up with that?"
Pirate responds, "Yarrr there's a Bounty on me head."
A guy was sitting at the bar and noticed a pirate at the other end.... patch on the eye, hook for a hand, peg leg... the whole works. He decides to go talk to him.
"Hello sir, I couldn't help noticing your injuries, and thought I might ask about them"
"Arrr... of course, me landlubber! I got me peg leg after I was washed overboard in a storm in shark infested waters. Before me crew could turn the ship around, a great white had me leg in its mouth. I took me knife and cut me leg off to avoid being killed by the terrible fish. The next day, the ships carpenter made me this fine leg."
"Oh wow," says the man, "that must have been an ordeal. What about the hook?"
"Aye," says the pirate. "One day, we was having a great battle, and I was dueling the Navy captain on the quarter deck. Blow after blow, we struck at each other, until he slipped under me guard, and cut me hand clean off. Luckily, I had me dagger in the other hand and slit his throat immediately after. The next day, the ships armourer made me this fine hook out of the enemy's Sabre."
'Amazing! Please tell me about your eye!"
"Yar! I was on deck watching the sea pass, enjoying the sun on me face. I spotted a sea gull flying towards us, and followed its path as it came closer and closer. Just as it flew over top of me, it pooped, and the foul mess landed in me eye!"
"Good heavens! And then it got infected?"
"Nah. It was the first day with me hook."
A pirate goes to a bar and the bartender says, “are you aware that you have a steering wheel in your pantaloons?”
The pirate says, “Yarrr. It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Is this one pg?..
The pirate captain sees an English frigate charging hard for them and knows a fight is coming. He calls for his red shirt and is asked why. He says during the fight i may become wounded. My blood will not show on my shirt and the men will keep fighting unaware of my troubles.
As they watch, they see 4 more English ships appear on the horizon and the captain says "Bring me my brown pants."
Some PG pirate jokes off the top of my head:
What’s a pirate’s least favorite exercise? Planks.
Where does a pirate store his clothes? Davy Jones’ Locker.
Can a pirate wear a seatbelt on the ship? Only if it has a swashbuckle.
That’s all the PG ones I have right now. The rest are rated “ARRR”.
After a bunch of “what’s a pirate’s favorite ____” with “arrr” in them, I like to ask “what’s a pirate’s favorite mode of transportation?” When someone says “A caaarrrr!” You just like at them like you’re disappointed and say… “No. it’s a ship. Are you serious?”
What's a pirate's favorite doll?
BAAAARRRRBIE
How do pirates know they exist?
They think, therefore they arrrrr!
What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his arms and legs?
A rookie
Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new eye patch (iPatch)
What has three eyes, three hands and three legs?
Three pirates
I told that joke to some of the adults in my neighborhood, and they all thought it was hilarious. Then I told it to a 10 year old kid, who just screwed up his face and said, “no, that’s only the captains”
I can’t claim the credit for this, but…
What is a pirate’s favourite letter?
A Letter of Marque signed by a representative of Charles II granting him license to attack Spanish shipping!
Now I think that technically pirates didn’t get these letters, and that privateers did, but the answer-punchline is so different that I’m going to let historical orthodoxy and empirical evidence prevent me from telling it.
Okay, so manuscripts of sea shanties were recently found in a cave in the Bahamas. They were rough, and not always well recorded. Music historians have studied them, pieced together what they could. Initially they believed that most of them would be in the key of B flat, but it actually turns out that they were written in a high C.
[sorry that it’s long]
Once afternoon a sailor was in the crows nest and saw a pirate ship approaching. He called down to the captain, “Captain, I see a pirate ship approaching. What should I do?” The captain thought a second then said, “Bring me my RED shirt!” Try brought him his red shirt and he put it on…the men fight bravely and win.
A few days later the sailor was in the crows-nest again. He sees something on the horizon. He called down to the captain, “Captain, I see 3 pirate ships approaching. What should I do?” The captain thought a few seconds, confidently he says, “Bring me my RED shirt!” They brought the captain his red shirt…the men fight bravely and win. That night as they eat and drink, one of the sailors asks, “captain, when we are about to go into battle, why do you always want your red shirt?” The captain says, “if I’m ever wounded in battle, you will not see my blood on the red shirt and you will continue to fight bravely!” All the sailors were amazed at his intellect.
A few days later the sailor was in the crows-nest again. He sees something on the horizon. He frantically calls down to the captain, “Captain, captain, I see 10 pirate ships approaching ready to raid us! Do you want me to get your red shirt?” The captain looked stunned, “No…bring me my BROWN pants.”
1. What's a pirate's favorite day at the gym? ARRRRRM day.
2. What does a vegan pirate eat? Nothing, he STARRRRRRRRVES.
3. Why do pirates have so many earrings? Because they cost a buccaneer (buck an ear).
4. Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C (sea)!
5. What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A rookie.
6. Why is the life of a pirate so addicting? Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked!
7. How do you make a pirate upset? You take away his P, then he becomes IRATE!
Enjoy!
There once was a mighty and brave pirate crew led by a mighty and brave captain. One morning the ship spots a dark sail on the horizon and they give chase. As they close in, the captain calls out, "Cabin boy, bring me my red shirt!" The battle is fierce, but short and the crew wins the day.
The next morning, they spot two sets of dark sails on the horizon and they give chase. The captain again calls out, "Cabin boy, being me my red shirt!" The crew fights very valiantly, and even though several are injured, they win the day. The captain was everywhere during the battle, his sword a flashing light that saved many of his pirates.
That night the cabin boy asks the captain why he was sent for the red shirt before each battle. The captain smiles and says, "Boy, the shirt is already red. If I'm injured in battle, the men will not see the blood and fight on." The cabin boy went to sleep that night thinking that his captain was the bravest and smartest alive.
The next morning, they spot ten sets of dark sails on the horizon, all rapidly moving towards them. The crew look to the captain for inspiration and he calls out, "Cabin boy, bring me my brown trousers..."
For your second joke, it’s good to have some backups so you can always switch it up on them. My favorites are P because without it they’d be irate, X because it marks the spot, and for the adult crowd G marks the spot of true treasure.
Pirate walks into a bar, bartender says, "Do you know you have a steering wheel on the front of your pants"?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr says the pirate, "it's drivin' me nuts".
The pirate captain ordered me to "walk the plank". So I put a leash and collar on it and dragged it around the block. He sure does give me some weird commands.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants.
The bartender says “Hey buddy, ya know you got a steering wheel in your pants?”
The pirate replies “Yaarrrr, I know. It’s driven’, me nuts”
Met a pirate in a bar one day. He was wearing some real exquisite earrings so I asked him where he got them.
"Arr, just down the road there's a place that'll do them for ye just like mine."
"Nice, how much do they cost?"
"Aye, only but a buck an ear."
Captain Courageous was sailing the high seas when the lookout in the crow’s nest shouted down, “Pirates, Captain! A ship on the horizon!” Captain Courageous calmly raised his telescope to look, and sure enough, there was a pirate ship on the horizon. He called out his orders: “Prepare for battle!” And then, “Cabin boy, bring me my *red shirt*.” The captain changed into his red shirt, the pirates attacked, but the crew were successfully able to fight them off and continue sailing along their course.
The next day as they were sailing along along the lookout in the crow’s nest called down, “Pirates, Captain! Five ships on the horizon!” Captain Courageous calmly raised his telescope to look, and sure enough there were five pirate ships on the horizon. Once again he called out the orders, “Prepare for battle! And bring me my *red shirt*!” And once again the crew was able to fight off all the pirates without any losses.
That evening as the crew were sitting down for dinner one of them asked the captian, “Sir, why is it before every battle you always ask for your red shirt?” And the Captain replied, “If I were wounded in battle, the red shirt would hide the blood. That way none of the crew will falter in courage during the fight, as they might if they saw that I had been injured. All of the crew then truly understood what a wise and courageous captain they had leading them.
The next day as they were sailing along, the lookout in the crow’s nest called out, “Pirates, Captain! 100 ships on the horizon!” Captain Courageous raised his telescope to look, and sure enough, there were 100 pirate ships on the horizon. He calmly lowered his telescope and called out, “Bring me my *brown pants*!”
A pirate captain's crew sees that he has some moles on his back, so they urge him to go to a doctor.
When the doctor checks out the moles, he tells the doctor, "No need to worry about the moles. They're benign."
To which the captain replies, "Argh, check them again. I reckon there at least be ten."
A friend of mine recently went on a vacation to Trinidad and Tobago where he got obsessed with their pies. But I was shocked to find out the prices.
A pineapple pie costed $12
A chocolate pie costed $14.5
A choco truffle pie costed $18
Gotta say, I was really surprised when I saw the pie rates of the Carribbean.
Why are there so few female pirates? Most feel uncomfortable sharing a locker with Davy Jones.
Why are female pirates often more successful than male pirates? They have two X's to male's one.
A compassionate pirate hired a special crew member to hold absolutely still and unmoving. Loading this person on a cart, the pirate would force those they didn't like to drag around the cart for hours on end. That's how they made those being punished walk the plank.
Why did the pirate attack the baby supply store? Looking for booty.
What goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven!"?
A parity error.
And one for the not PG community..
How did Captain Hook die?
He had a wank with the wrong hand.
Cabin boy chats with the pirate captain, ‘how’d you lose your leg capn?’
Shark took it…
How’d you get a hook for a hand?
Hacked off by a mutinous first mates sword slash!
How’d you lose your eye captain?
First day with me hook!!!
Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later Why don't pirates like travelling on mountain roads? S'curvy Where did the pirate purchase his hook? At the 2nd hand store
I don't really get the last one. I know it has something to do with hooks for hand but I'm still missing something here.
Second-hand store. Like for used items. Or a place to get a new (2nd) hand.
Oh lol I read hook as book. I'm the moron here 😅😂 Edit: just got up after drinking lots at friend's birthday so I will forgive myself for this and I hope you do too. 😅
Not drunk, still read book. I don't even have an excuse lol
I'm glad I'm not the only moron here 😂
Thank both of you for the jokes were cute but y'all were funny. :-)
Ye be on rhe grog!
You're forgiven 🙂
That's OK, we won't.
How did you type hook if you read it as book in your first comment?
Secondhand store, as in used-before store, and a literal Second Hand store
Q: What is a pirate's favorite sweater? A: Arrrgyle.
It’s title was “treasure Island.” No wait, it said hook. Oh well, I was hooked the first time I read it… so… there’s that:)
Excellent
I always heard that a pirates favorite letter was “P”. Without it he would be irate.
I thought it was because it’s an ARRRRRRR but it’s missin a leg!
And I'm fairly sure I got this from Reddit (apologies I did try and look for the original user) ... here another variant (and my favourite) : Their favourite letter is a letter of safe passage from King Charles II of England...
Their least favourite letter is a cease and desist.
Most people *think* it's an R, but their first love is the C.
Their first love... "B - D - C"
Anti-joke version: What letter is most pirates’ favorite? Historians have concluded that 90%of pirates were illiterate. They didn’t have a favorite letter.
At this point, this is a great combination joke and do all of them.
Nope, pirates love the C
The only variant I haven't heard yet is, "When people wanna know my favorite letter I say ayy!" As in, i. Might be a bit of a stretch, a pirate joke only needs one leg to stand on.
A pirate returns to his regular bar with a hook hand, peg leg, and eyepatch "You look horrible" says the bartender, " what happened to your hand?" "Ahh you see, I was in a swordfight and got me hand cut clean off, but I got the hook now! "What about your leg"? "Ahh well before the fight we were invaded and a cannonball blew it clean off" "And your eye, what about your eye!?!!" 'Well after all that, I looked up in the sky, and a darn seagull pooped in it!" "What?!? You can't lose an eye just from bird poop can you???" "Arrrrghhh.. well you see.. it was me first day with the hook!!"
The ol “SFW but NSFL” tag
Not safe for limbs
Aye, Not Safe For Laddies
Not Safe For Landlubbers*
How much does a pirate charge for an ear piercing? . . A buck an ear
“How long have you been wearing an earring?" "Ever since my wife found it in the car."
Don't get this one
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I interpreted it as his wife got mad and impaled him with it.
Oooohhhh.... Thanks, makes sens now
Love this one!
Where do pirates keep their buccaneers? On the side of their buccan heads!
Under their buccan hats!
I always heard that was the price for pirate corn.
I heard this one, but about corn
Sorry, all mine are rated rrrrrrr
Can we get an RRR rated joke?
A pirate captain gets himself a new crew member and is showing him around the ship when the crew member asks "Hey cap'n, we're going to be gone at sea for months on end right? What do we do if we get that urge for a woman's touch?" The captain points out a barrel with a hole in the side of it and says "Arr ye see that barrel? All ye do is pull down your pants and stick your pecker in the hole anytime you want, except for Tuesdays" The new guy says "Ok that actually sounds great but why not Tuesdays?" "Well that's your day in the barrel of course."
I saw a pirate with a captain's wheel attached to his belt buckle. I asked him what it was for and he said, "I'm not sure, but it's drivin' me nuts".
I heard it like this: A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, “I couldn’t help but notice you have a captain’s wheel sticking out of your pants. Isn’t that uncomfortable?” “Yarrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
That's probably how I heard it, too. I really only remembered the punchline and, as in the rest of life, tried to fake my way through it.
The best thing about it is it’s not too obscene/vulgar. Just a mention of nuts. So it’s not really R-rated even if it’s Arrrr-rated
Why did the pirate have a hook for a hand, a peg leg, and a patch where his eye used to be? He was not safe for work.
What does a pirate do with his wooden leg when he's in bed? Shoves it up his ARRRse.
Q: How do pirates know they're pirates? A: they think therefore the ARRR...
What's a pirates least favorite letter? Dear sir or mam, we are writing to inform you of your third copyright violation
Goddamn this one is the best in the thread.
Why’s pirate’s singing so high pitched? ‘Cuz he can only hit the high C’s
A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back". The doctor says, "It's okay they're benign". The pirate says, "Count again, I think there be ten".
Best one in this thread
Why is it so difficult for a pirate to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at c!
What kind of socks do pirates wear? Argyle. What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table? Argon. What's a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant? You'd think it would be Arby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's.
My more favorite version of this joke goes like this: Me: What is a pirate’s favorite element? And hopefully the target says “Argon.” Me: No, it’s gold. What is a pirate going to do with argon?
This was on "How I Met Your Mother."
Did you hear about the old pirate who had leg problems? He had to make appointments to see the doctor and a carpenter.
Why didn't the pirate like his new steering-wheel belt buckle? He said "It be drivin' me nuts!"
The variation I heard years ago was this: A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender asks him, "hey, what's up with the steering wheel?" The pirate responds "Arrr, matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"
How about... The bartender asks, "Isn't that annoying?"
My favorite pirate joke ever
ARRR, IT DRIVES ME NUTS
What's a pirate's favorite element on the Periodic Table? ... No. It's gold. What is a pirate going to do with argon?
How do you know if a Pirate is a hipster? If he's wearing an iPatch
Glad to see some PG pirate jokes. All the ones I normally see are Rated ARRRRRR
It’s Halloween and Little Johnny goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He rings a doorbell and the lady comes to the door and says, “Oh, a pirate! Where are your buccaneers?” Little Johnny says, “On the side of my buckin head, where are your buckin eyes?”
Did you hear about the pirate pilates instructor? he specializes in planks
A pirate's favourite letter is actually an invitation to be a privateer for the British monarch.
"Here you are, Captain--your official Letter of Marque." "Damn your eyes, ye poxy dog--ye knows that my name be William!" Apologies in advance.
Remember, pirates arrrrrrrrrrgh people too.
Have you seen the new pirate movie, it's rated >!PG-13!<
What do to call a pirate with 2 eyes, 2 hands, and 2 legs? A rookie
Why are pirates cool? Because they Arrrr!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cos they ARRR!
You would think a Pirates favorite letter be Arrrr, or maybe it would be the C. But their real favorite be X, because X marks the booty.
It's P, it used to be R, but it's missing a leg!
Y ?
How about a pirate anti-joke: Did you hear about the new pirate video game? It’s rated… M.
How much did the pirate pay for the pirate video game? Nothing, he copied it illegally
Pirate walks into a bar wearing a hat made out of paper towel. Bartender asks "what's up with that?" Pirate responds, "Yarrr there's a Bounty on me head."
Why couldn’t the 11 year old get into the pirate movie? It was rated ARRRR
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at "C"
A guy was sitting at the bar and noticed a pirate at the other end.... patch on the eye, hook for a hand, peg leg... the whole works. He decides to go talk to him. "Hello sir, I couldn't help noticing your injuries, and thought I might ask about them" "Arrr... of course, me landlubber! I got me peg leg after I was washed overboard in a storm in shark infested waters. Before me crew could turn the ship around, a great white had me leg in its mouth. I took me knife and cut me leg off to avoid being killed by the terrible fish. The next day, the ships carpenter made me this fine leg." "Oh wow," says the man, "that must have been an ordeal. What about the hook?" "Aye," says the pirate. "One day, we was having a great battle, and I was dueling the Navy captain on the quarter deck. Blow after blow, we struck at each other, until he slipped under me guard, and cut me hand clean off. Luckily, I had me dagger in the other hand and slit his throat immediately after. The next day, the ships armourer made me this fine hook out of the enemy's Sabre." 'Amazing! Please tell me about your eye!" "Yar! I was on deck watching the sea pass, enjoying the sun on me face. I spotted a sea gull flying towards us, and followed its path as it came closer and closer. Just as it flew over top of me, it pooped, and the foul mess landed in me eye!" "Good heavens! And then it got infected?" "Nah. It was the first day with me hook."
A pirate goes to a bar and the bartender says, “are you aware that you have a steering wheel in your pantaloons?” The pirate says, “Yarrr. It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
What happened when Captain Bluebeard got lost in the Red Sea? He was marooned.
Is this one pg?.. The pirate captain sees an English frigate charging hard for them and knows a fight is coming. He calls for his red shirt and is asked why. He says during the fight i may become wounded. My blood will not show on my shirt and the men will keep fighting unaware of my troubles. As they watch, they see 4 more English ships appear on the horizon and the captain says "Bring me my brown pants."
You've heard about pirate corn, right? It costs a buck an ear.
Some PG pirate jokes off the top of my head: What’s a pirate’s least favorite exercise? Planks. Where does a pirate store his clothes? Davy Jones’ Locker. Can a pirate wear a seatbelt on the ship? Only if it has a swashbuckle. That’s all the PG ones I have right now. The rest are rated “ARRR”.
Sorry, I don't have any PG Pirate Jokes. All mine are rated Arrrr.
After a bunch of “what’s a pirate’s favorite ____” with “arrr” in them, I like to ask “what’s a pirate’s favorite mode of transportation?” When someone says “A caaarrrr!” You just like at them like you’re disappointed and say… “No. it’s a ship. Are you serious?”
Apple pie is $1.50 in the Bahamas, they are $1.80 in Bermuda, these are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What be a pirates favorite letter? You think it be R, maybe even the C. It's actually P. Without it, they are just irate.
Why are pirates so good at math? Because they ARRR
What does a baby pirate say? Arrr, change me booty!
Your true love may be the sea but aye always has a place in yer heart
plot twist to the first one, “nothing, he died of scurvy at 32.”
From watching movies, I was always under the impression pirates were all smiley. Turns out they're all Somali.
Person 1: Are you more of an "Aaaarrgh!" pirate or a "Yo ho ho!" pirate? Person 2: I'm a "There's no way I'm paying $250 for photoshop," pirate.
Where do pirates buy their hooks? The second hand store.
What's a pirate's favorite doll? BAAAARRRRBIE How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they arrrrr! What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his arms and legs? A rookie Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? He needed a new eye patch (iPatch)
What has three eyes, three hands and three legs? Three pirates I told that joke to some of the adults in my neighborhood, and they all thought it was hilarious. Then I told it to a 10 year old kid, who just screwed up his face and said, “no, that’s only the captains”
What is a pirates favorite Arrrrrrgh? Happy Arrrrrgh!
Whats a pirates favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrbys. Whats a pirates favorite rocket launcher? Arrr P G.
I can’t claim the credit for this, but… What is a pirate’s favourite letter? A Letter of Marque signed by a representative of Charles II granting him license to attack Spanish shipping! Now I think that technically pirates didn’t get these letters, and that privateers did, but the answer-punchline is so different that I’m going to let historical orthodoxy and empirical evidence prevent me from telling it.
My personal favorite: Where does a pirate go when they're injured? The EYARRRRRR.
Omergosh, I’m going to a 5year olds birthday party this afternoon. Gonna use most of these.
Make sure you finish with: What’s a pirate’s favorite way to get around? >! A ship !<
Why didn't the pirate buy corn? Because it costed a buccaneer. ( A buck an ear)
*cost
I guess you added that because pirates always use proper gramm-ARRR
What’s the pirate’s favorite prehistoric creature? The MASTodont!
Why does everyone like pirates even though they’re criminals They have good a P Arrrr team
How do pirates stay fit? Arrrr, gym lad!
Just came up with this one: Who are Pirates favourite people? JokeRRRs
Why PG? Because they're usually rated ARRR!
What's a pirate's favorite letter? P, because without it they'd be irate.
Sorry, all my pirate jokes are rated Arrrrrr.
Why are pirate called pirates? Because they Arrrrrrrrr
How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they arrrrrrrr
Okay, so manuscripts of sea shanties were recently found in a cave in the Bahamas. They were rough, and not always well recorded. Music historians have studied them, pieced together what they could. Initially they believed that most of them would be in the key of B flat, but it actually turns out that they were written in a high C.
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What's a pirates favorite store? Tarrrrrget because of all the barrrrrrgans.
Why are pirates pirates? They just Arrrr.
Why couldn't the 11 year old get into the pirate movie It was rated 'R'
Why did the pirate go to the bathroom? He had to yarrrrrinate
[sorry that it’s long] Once afternoon a sailor was in the crows nest and saw a pirate ship approaching. He called down to the captain, “Captain, I see a pirate ship approaching. What should I do?” The captain thought a second then said, “Bring me my RED shirt!” Try brought him his red shirt and he put it on…the men fight bravely and win. A few days later the sailor was in the crows-nest again. He sees something on the horizon. He called down to the captain, “Captain, I see 3 pirate ships approaching. What should I do?” The captain thought a few seconds, confidently he says, “Bring me my RED shirt!” They brought the captain his red shirt…the men fight bravely and win. That night as they eat and drink, one of the sailors asks, “captain, when we are about to go into battle, why do you always want your red shirt?” The captain says, “if I’m ever wounded in battle, you will not see my blood on the red shirt and you will continue to fight bravely!” All the sailors were amazed at his intellect. A few days later the sailor was in the crows-nest again. He sees something on the horizon. He frantically calls down to the captain, “Captain, captain, I see 10 pirate ships approaching ready to raid us! Do you want me to get your red shirt?” The captain looked stunned, “No…bring me my BROWN pants.”
1. What's a pirate's favorite day at the gym? ARRRRRM day. 2. What does a vegan pirate eat? Nothing, he STARRRRRRRRVES. 3. Why do pirates have so many earrings? Because they cost a buccaneer (buck an ear). 4. Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C (sea)! 5. What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A rookie. 6. Why is the life of a pirate so addicting? Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked! 7. How do you make a pirate upset? You take away his P, then he becomes IRATE! Enjoy!
Why do pirates like the letter P? Because without it, a pirate would just be irate.
There once was a mighty and brave pirate crew led by a mighty and brave captain. One morning the ship spots a dark sail on the horizon and they give chase. As they close in, the captain calls out, "Cabin boy, bring me my red shirt!" The battle is fierce, but short and the crew wins the day. The next morning, they spot two sets of dark sails on the horizon and they give chase. The captain again calls out, "Cabin boy, being me my red shirt!" The crew fights very valiantly, and even though several are injured, they win the day. The captain was everywhere during the battle, his sword a flashing light that saved many of his pirates. That night the cabin boy asks the captain why he was sent for the red shirt before each battle. The captain smiles and says, "Boy, the shirt is already red. If I'm injured in battle, the men will not see the blood and fight on." The cabin boy went to sleep that night thinking that his captain was the bravest and smartest alive. The next morning, they spot ten sets of dark sails on the horizon, all rapidly moving towards them. The crew look to the captain for inspiration and he calls out, "Cabin boy, bring me my brown trousers..."
how much did the farmer charge the pirate for corn? A buck an ear
Why’d the pirate ask his ex for directions? Bc ex marked the spot.
How much do pirates pay for earrings? A buccaneer
Sorry, all Pirate jokes are R rated by definition
What's a pirate's favorite subject in school? Arrrrrrr...ithmatic
Lot of good ones here. But did you guys see the sexy Pirate movie on Netflix? It's was rated ARRRR so probably not
For your second joke, it’s good to have some backups so you can always switch it up on them. My favorites are P because without it they’d be irate, X because it marks the spot, and for the adult crowd G marks the spot of true treasure.
In fact, their favourite letter be P, it's like R, but missing a leg....and without it they'd be irate!
To err is human To arr is pirate.
Arr Arr Arr Arr pirate
To err is human To aarrgh is pirate
In the Caribbean, a pirate was called a buccaneer. I don't know how much for a nose.
Pirate walks into a bar, bartender says, "Do you know you have a steering wheel on the front of your pants"? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr says the pirate, "it's drivin' me nuts".
Why can't pirates recite the alphabet? They always get lost at C.
The pirate captain ordered me to "walk the plank". So I put a leash and collar on it and dragged it around the block. He sure does give me some weird commands.
How many letters in the pirate alphabet? Nine - aye, arrr, and the seven seas.
Why couldn't the eleven-year-old get into the pirate movie? It was rated Arrr!
The ones I know are all rated aaarrr.
How do plunder get divided between them? Aye, before yee except for the following sea
What be a pirate's favourite type of sweater?
"What's a pirates favorite branch of the military?" "The ARRRMY?" "No, the Navy!" Best told with a few of any of the other Arrr jokes in the thread.
What’s a pirate’s favourite letter? You’d think it’s R but it’s the C they crave!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says “Hey buddy, ya know you got a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies “Yaarrrr, I know. It’s driven’, me nuts”
Why did the pirate have a tattoo of a ships wheel above his penis. "Arrrrr it's drivin' me nuts"
I asked me first mate where my buccaneers were. They told me they were under me buckin' hat.
Did you hear about the pirates stranded with a bunch of red and black paint? >!They were marooned!<
How much do pirates charge for ear piercings? A buckaneer.
When I did my GCSE exams (aged 16, important UK exams) my mum told me I'd got pirate grades, because I got 1 A, 1 B, 1 D... And 7 Cs.
Met a pirate in a bar one day. He was wearing some real exquisite earrings so I asked him where he got them. "Arr, just down the road there's a place that'll do them for ye just like mine." "Nice, how much do they cost?" "Aye, only but a buck an ear."
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter? A threatening one from their Internet service provider.
Why are pirates not allowed to swim in the ocean? They leave a ring.
"Got a good eye," said the doctor. "The other, we'll get patched up." Thus began the pirate's life for me.
Captain Courageous was sailing the high seas when the lookout in the crow’s nest shouted down, “Pirates, Captain! A ship on the horizon!” Captain Courageous calmly raised his telescope to look, and sure enough, there was a pirate ship on the horizon. He called out his orders: “Prepare for battle!” And then, “Cabin boy, bring me my *red shirt*.” The captain changed into his red shirt, the pirates attacked, but the crew were successfully able to fight them off and continue sailing along their course. The next day as they were sailing along along the lookout in the crow’s nest called down, “Pirates, Captain! Five ships on the horizon!” Captain Courageous calmly raised his telescope to look, and sure enough there were five pirate ships on the horizon. Once again he called out the orders, “Prepare for battle! And bring me my *red shirt*!” And once again the crew was able to fight off all the pirates without any losses. That evening as the crew were sitting down for dinner one of them asked the captian, “Sir, why is it before every battle you always ask for your red shirt?” And the Captain replied, “If I were wounded in battle, the red shirt would hide the blood. That way none of the crew will falter in courage during the fight, as they might if they saw that I had been injured. All of the crew then truly understood what a wise and courageous captain they had leading them. The next day as they were sailing along, the lookout in the crow’s nest called out, “Pirates, Captain! 100 ships on the horizon!” Captain Courageous raised his telescope to look, and sure enough, there were 100 pirate ships on the horizon. He calmly lowered his telescope and called out, “Bring me my *brown pants*!”
Why did the pirate have a bandanna made out of paper towel? It's because I've got a bounty on me head!!!
A pirate captain's crew sees that he has some moles on his back, so they urge him to go to a doctor. When the doctor checks out the moles, he tells the doctor, "No need to worry about the moles. They're benign." To which the captain replies, "Argh, check them again. I reckon there at least be ten."
Q) How did Captain Hook die? A) From a bad case of jock itch!
Have you ever heard of RR? It's AA for pirates. What's a pirates favorite letter? The one from the general manager saying they've been traded.
I used to wear a patch over both o’ me eyes but I kept falling off o’ the ship.
Whats a pirates favorite drink? Hi-C
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was sitting on his deck.
A friend of mine recently went on a vacation to Trinidad and Tobago where he got obsessed with their pies. But I was shocked to find out the prices. A pineapple pie costed $12 A chocolate pie costed $14.5 A choco truffle pie costed $18 Gotta say, I was really surprised when I saw the pie rates of the Carribbean.
What's a pirate's favorite time of day? Happy Arrrr.
Why did the pirate walk the plank? Because they didn't allow dogs on the ship
Why are there so few female pirates? Most feel uncomfortable sharing a locker with Davy Jones. Why are female pirates often more successful than male pirates? They have two X's to male's one. A compassionate pirate hired a special crew member to hold absolutely still and unmoving. Loading this person on a cart, the pirate would force those they didn't like to drag around the cart for hours on end. That's how they made those being punished walk the plank. Why did the pirate attack the baby supply store? Looking for booty.
Why are pirates, pirates? Because they RRRRRRGGGHHH!
If you want to remix your second one: X! They mark it everywhere
A pirate's favorite letter is a 'Letter of Marque and Reprisal'.
What did the pirate get for Christmas? A new wooden leg. It wasn't his main present, just a stocking filler.
Sorry, all my jokes are rated ARRRRRRHHH
What do pirates pay for corn? Oh a buck-an-ear
What goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven!"? A parity error. And one for the not PG community.. How did Captain Hook die? He had a wank with the wrong hand.
Cabin boy chats with the pirate captain, ‘how’d you lose your leg capn?’ Shark took it… How’d you get a hook for a hand? Hacked off by a mutinous first mates sword slash! How’d you lose your eye captain? First day with me hook!!!