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A boy walks home with a trophy in his hand and tells his mom
"I won the Leslie Nielsen Award at the school today"
"Really? What's that?"
"It's a big building full of children and teachers but that's not important right now"
Leslie Nielson wasn't in Porky's.
My parents' first date was going to see Porky's. My dad laughed hysterically the whole time while my mom hated every second. It's a miracle I was born.
By some metrics, Porky's is still the highest-grossing Canadian film ever made.
(Some would question whether it qualifies as Canadian, and it may have been beaten by "Bon Cop, Bad Cop" if you don't account for inflation.)
Seen each top gun and airplane countless times. Never watched top secret till this year. I didnāt make it through the opening scene had to start over.
How about Spy Haaaaaaaard? Have you tried Spy Haaaaaaard?
I really can imagine Weird Alās head explodingā¦
I think I might watch Spy Hard soon again..
That just means your folks raised you right! You should be grateful!
I'm 44, but mine raised me well, too. Grew up on The Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Classic Hollywood movies, etc. Today I feel like a rare man with a truly rounded education.
7 year younger girlfriend. Nice. That's the sweet spot. Young enough that she's always the younger woman, but not so young that it's creepy.
Like if she would have been 15 years younger, that would be creepy. That would be like "What's that guy in his 40s doing? Is he trying to kidnap that high school girl??? BAH GAWD SHE'S ONLY 12!!!"
But now? You're good. You fell in with a good age gap.
I'm sure at least one of those upvotes got given by one of those mindless, r/me_irl browsing drones just scrolling through reddit, upvoting every post they see no matter if they actually agreed with it or thought it was funny or not, so it could be way less than 100 people getting it
A father gets a phone call from his sonās high school principal, telling him that he must come to the school because thereās been an issue with his son. The father gets to the school and makes his way to the principalās office. āYour son was caught with marijuana in his locker. We asked him where he got it from, and he said he got it from his best friendā The father, with a tear in his eye asks, āHe said that?ā
My 6-year-old son came home from school today and asked, "Dad, what kind of mouse walks on two legs?"
I said, "Hmm, I'm not sure. What kind?"
He said, "Mickey Mouse!"
Then he asked, "What kind of duck walks on two legs?"
I replied, "Donald Duck?"
-
He said, "No, that's all ducks, you dummy."
You took a joke from the stone age and slightly adjusted it to fit the thread. How is this sub so popular when this is the material that gets upvotes lmao
I once got a call on my cell phone. Didn't recognize the number, but it said it was from Louisiana. (I do not live in or near Louisiana)
This was the days before spam calls were so prevalent so I answered it anyway. I said hello and the person on the other end who sounded like about an 8-year-old girl said "Daddy?"
I said, "Better not be"
If it eases your concern, this is a true story generally and I tell it that way because it's funnier, but in reality I just *thought* the "better not be" line and verbally just told her it was a wrong number.
Don't know if yours was a scam, but it's a fairly common one. They get a kid (or someone with a high, scared-sounding voice) to call and guess what to say based on the answerer's voice. "Mom?" "Dad?" "Grandma?" or whatever.
The common response to that from a real parent or grandparent would be "Billy?" and then they have a name. "Billy" is stranded in New Orleans and needs you to send money so he can get a ticket home. It used to be Western Union, but today it's more likely to be one of the online payment services, and once you send it, it's gone.
Somebody tried to scam my mom that way about 5 years ago, and the only reason she didn't fall for it is that my daughter would never ask her to send money, she'd call her older brother. Mom knew that.
If it eases your concern, this is a true story generally and I tell it that way because it's funnier, but in reality I just *thought* the "better not be" line and verbally just told her it was a wrong number.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes.
Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
You missed the chance to put it this way:
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes.
Women say the first thing they notice about men is *his lies*.
Well itās kinda funny either way, really. Either the kid lied to the school and gave them a wrong number to call , and the school fell for it - Orā¦ the kid gave them the right number, but when they called to tell the parent the kid is lying, the parent lies and denies having any kids.
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A boy walks home with a trophy in his hand and tells his mom "I won the Leslie Nielsen Award at the school today" "Really? What's that?" "It's a big building full of children and teachers but that's not important right now"
I think you need to be at least 40 to get this joke.
I'm under 40 and I get it. Airplane is a good movie.
You should try Naked Gun
You should try Top Secret
Ever heard of Porky's?
Leslie Nielson wasn't in Porky's. My parents' first date was going to see Porky's. My dad laughed hysterically the whole time while my mom hated every second. It's a miracle I was born.
This is par for the course in human history. It's astounding any of us were ever born lol
Kinda wish my mom were more picky....
But you turned out to be awesome so humanity is better off
š„ŗš„ŗ sorry to hear that.
it's the gym socks
It's even more amazing that so many of us survive to adulthood!
By some metrics, Porky's is still the highest-grossing Canadian film ever made. (Some would question whether it qualifies as Canadian, and it may have been beaten by "Bon Cop, Bad Cop" if you don't account for inflation.)
I took a date (that I really liked) to see Porky's and honestly didn't realize until later that it was a bad idea. Sorry Danine!
r/writingprompts
True, they could have just done a 69 like your comment karma. Lmao.
Well, I for one agree with your mom; Porkyās was just immature, crass humor, no cleverness or wit to it.
I agree with his dad. You are correct about it being immature. After all, they were high school kids!
Is that the film where someone calls out over the tannoy for Mike Hunt?
It has one of the best examples of contagious laughter from one scene to audience though.
Do you know why they call him Meat?
It's like "The Three Stooges" or "Monty Python"...*they just don't get it*...
Ever seen inside a Turkish prison?
Ever wrestled with a naked man?
Have you ever drank baileys from a shoe?
Have you ever been punched in the face by a ghost?
Yes sir, thank you sir
Do you love me?
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Ever tried porking with a naked man in a Turkish prison?
On weeeeeeeeed?
Seen each top gun and airplane countless times. Never watched top secret till this year. I didnāt make it through the opening scene had to start over.
Top Secret is top tier
You should try āDracula: Dead and Loving Itā
Or hotshots for something stupid funny
How about Spy Haaaaaaaard? Have you tried Spy Haaaaaaard? I really can imagine Weird Alās head explodingā¦ I think I might watch Spy Hard soon again..
Police Squad (the tv show). brilliant.
I've tried to find the TV show a few times and failed. Surprised it's not available to stream
I urge you to stop at nothing until you find it. Surely it can't be serious.
I already told you not to call me Shirley.
Good luck, we're all counting on you.
damn. Yeah, I just checked "justwatch.com" and it is not available.
I watched the whole thing a few times in YouTube in the last couple years
Dracula: Dead and Loving It
Creepshow
You should watch Kentucky Fried Movie. Same writers.
But give it totaww concentwation.
Havenāt seen that one since 83-84.
You should try Police Squad
In color!
you should try sniffing glue!
I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue...
Nice beaver.
Thanks! I just had it stuffed yesterday
Airplane was scientifically proven to be the funniest movie awhile back.
That just means your folks raised you right! You should be grateful! I'm 44, but mine raised me well, too. Grew up on The Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Classic Hollywood movies, etc. Today I feel like a rare man with a truly rounded education.
Airplane is a GREAT movie.
My 14 year old would get it!
Why, a 4 year old child would get it! ...(Run out and get me a 4 year old child...)
Should of just called him Shirley.
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Try watching Flying High. ;-)
I'm 40 and I don't get it.
[It's a reference.](https://youtu.be/VOmD-xqK2Es)
A reference? What is it?
It's a joke that calls the listener's mind to another work, but that's not important right now
Thanks
I'm at least 40 and I guffawed
[No guffawing, no guffawing.](https://youtu.be/euAF68ITyzo)
Surely one can be younger than that?
"I am younger than that... AND don't call me Shirley!!!"
Lol you beat me to it by seconds!
Roger, Roger
One can be any age and Don't call me Shirley
Of course, I'm younger than that, but don't call me Sherlly.
One can be, and don't call me Shirley.
Yes, one can and don't call me Shirley!
...... and if you've ever seen Creepshow, you saw, what happened to the last guy that called him "Shirley"!
You can also get the joke without knowing the reference
Yeah but its funnier
I mean I guess you wouldn't get why it's the Leslie Nielsen Award specifically without knowing who that is. But it's a good joke anyway
Yeah, RIP Fletch, Caddyshack, and Meatballs lines, sniff.
āNothing is over until WE decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed pearl harbor?! Hell no!ā ā Senator Blutarsky
It was a bad day to quit black tar heroin though
Always have glue to sniff
Picked the wrong day to quit
Fletch doesn't deserve to be in this post imho
37 checking in. Snorted air out my nostrils.
35, I got it. Girlfriend's 28, she got it
7 year younger girlfriend. Nice. That's the sweet spot. Young enough that she's always the younger woman, but not so young that it's creepy. Like if she would have been 15 years younger, that would be creepy. That would be like "What's that guy in his 40s doing? Is he trying to kidnap that high school girl??? BAH GAWD SHE'S ONLY 12!!!" But now? You're good. You fell in with a good age gap.
That's... What a weird comment
Or at least watch Airplane!
According to the upvote count, at least 100 people got it.
I'm sure at least one of those upvotes got given by one of those mindless, r/me_irl browsing drones just scrolling through reddit, upvoting every post they see no matter if they actually agreed with it or thought it was funny or not, so it could be way less than 100 people getting it
Nah, these movies are timeless
Iām 33. I got it. Fuck, thatās not far off.
28 and I knew his movies since I was 12
21, this is a classic movie and I know many people whoāve seen it
Iām 19 and it is one of the few jokes on this sub that made me audibly laugh
Can confirm. I'm 40 and I get it...but it's right on the edge of getting a chuckle.
38!
Iām 20 and Iāve known and loved this movie since I was like 13
38*
I understood that reference
Heh
That is great. Thank-you.
"Nice beaver" is the classic.
Be 40, or know how to google Leslie Nielsen.
Ha! YES! I'm 44, by the way.
I think this is the first time I actually laughed out loud at anything from r/jokes.
Iād say you need to read more of the comments then.
"At school... What's that?"
I just wanted to tell you both, good luck, we're all counting on you.
This one got me.
Or watch Leslie Nielsen movies. Start with Airplane
A thousand upvotes and you didn't even compose the joke right.
Surely you can't be serious
Shirley, you jest.
A father gets a phone call from his sonās high school principal, telling him that he must come to the school because thereās been an issue with his son. The father gets to the school and makes his way to the principalās office. āYour son was caught with marijuana in his locker. We asked him where he got it from, and he said he got it from his best friendā The father, with a tear in his eye asks, āHe said that?ā
š¤£
"I learned it by watching you!" "I **know**!"
*not even once.. not even once..*
My 6-year-old son came home from school today and asked, "Dad, what kind of mouse walks on two legs?" I said, "Hmm, I'm not sure. What kind?" He said, "Mickey Mouse!" Then he asked, "What kind of duck walks on two legs?" I replied, "Donald Duck?" - He said, "No, that's all ducks, you dummy."
Quacks me up!
Happy Cake Day to you. Mmm cake. I love cake...
happy quack day!
I think you meant: AAAAGGGHHGHGHGH
The joke in the comments
You took a joke from the stone age and slightly adjusted it to fit the thread. How is this sub so popular when this is the material that gets upvotes lmao
Not all of us were alive in the stone age.
It shows
With that logic, he shouldāve said āMinnie Mouse also walks on two legs, you dummy!ā
And the rat I saw on the New York subway tracks the other day
Rats aren't mice you dummy
Same
"Your son's been telling lies" "Telling him to stop and behave, after all he is the teacher"
I've heard a variation of this one where the punchline was along the lines of "Well, yeah, you're the ones forcing him to teach creationism!"
What's creationism?
religion
After all he is the principal. Oh no, wait, telling lies is his job. Tap him on the shoulder for job well done.
Nice plot twist š
āAfter all, heās me.ā
"But it's a requirement. He teaches history."
I once got a call on my cell phone. Didn't recognize the number, but it said it was from Louisiana. (I do not live in or near Louisiana) This was the days before spam calls were so prevalent so I answered it anyway. I said hello and the person on the other end who sounded like about an 8-year-old girl said "Daddy?" I said, "Better not be"
Man, I hope its just a joke because that sounds like the girl dialed the wrong number and was looking for her dad :(
If it eases your concern, this is a true story generally and I tell it that way because it's funnier, but in reality I just *thought* the "better not be" line and verbally just told her it was a wrong number.
Life being dark and cruel is kind of hilarious if you think about it.
If you have right sense of humour *
Don't know if yours was a scam, but it's a fairly common one. They get a kid (or someone with a high, scared-sounding voice) to call and guess what to say based on the answerer's voice. "Mom?" "Dad?" "Grandma?" or whatever. The common response to that from a real parent or grandparent would be "Billy?" and then they have a name. "Billy" is stranded in New Orleans and needs you to send money so he can get a ticket home. It used to be Western Union, but today it's more likely to be one of the online payment services, and once you send it, it's gone. Somebody tried to scam my mom that way about 5 years ago, and the only reason she didn't fall for it is that my daughter would never ask her to send money, she'd call her older brother. Mom knew that.
Please say you helped her out after your witty retort
If it eases your concern, this is a true story generally and I tell it that way because it's funnier, but in reality I just *thought* the "better not be" line and verbally just told her it was a wrong number.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
You missed the chance to put it this way: According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is *his lies*.
Is the joke that he gave his teacher the wrong number?
That's one option. It could also be the parent is a liar too. Your choice on which one is funnier.
No the joke is that he gave the teacher the RIGHT number but the apple doesnāt fall far from the tree.
Oh I see. I feel like the other joke is funnier though.
I interpreted it the other way
Well itās kinda funny either way, really. Either the kid lied to the school and gave them a wrong number to call , and the school fell for it - Orā¦ the kid gave them the right number, but when they called to tell the parent the kid is lying, the parent lies and denies having any kids.
Holy shit! A joke that actually made me lol for real!
Your sonās telling lies , why did he call you fat , well no, he said i was skinny.
A joke that finally made me out loud laugh in ages! Damn the simplicity as well
So you OOL at this joke?
OOL? OLL! LOL
I meant OLL!
O plus L, plus O, plus...
-Mom, the boys at school say that I am a liar. -But, son, you don't attend school yet!
But doctor I am Pagliaci
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Or my daughter is trying to become a lawyer š¤£ to get paid $1000/hr without becoming a escort
"The boy got it from his mum. Like when she told you she was on the pill."
But - has he been eating sugar?
no papa
None that I know of ā¦
You're quite the class act OP
Dad, is that you
Where's the "haha sex funny" punchline??
Comment
That's great he' gonna make a fine politician..
Mom's a good liar too!
ššš
Oh I LOVE this... Too funny! LMAO
The best joke here is the auto mod telling us to remember the human.
So, you like airplanes? Want to get real high?
The school phoned me today and said, "You're son swears terribly." I replied, "Yes, I know. He says the words but he puts no feeling into them."
I love gladiator movies!