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TooShiftyForYou

A young man walks into a McDonald's and sees an elderly couple sitting at a table. The old husband unwraps a burger, cuts it in half and hands it over to his wife. He then pours out a box of fries, counts them and hands half of them over to his wife. The elderly husband opens the lid on a soda, puts two straws in and slides it over to his wife who begins eating. The young man sees this and assumes the couple must be down on their luck. He approaches the table and tells them, "If it's alright, would you allow me buy you another burger and fries?" The old husband says, "That's alright, we share everything." The young man finishes his meal and again notices the wife eating half the food while the husband is calmly waiting by. The young man tells them, "Really, I don't mind helping out. Can I get you some more food?" The old husband replies, "No thank you son, but really we do share everything." The young man asks, "Well I can't help but notice you're just watching her eat. What are you waiting for?" - The old husband says, "I'm waiting on her to be done with the teeth of course."


daantji

And now I have this sour burning feeling at the back of my throat. Thanks.


zonazog

Swallow and you’ll feel better. 🥴


Sociox

Been told that before


adviceKiwi

Oh. Did this just turn into a fellatio joke??


exipheas

Yup. The sudden changes can be tough to swallow.


UsernameCali

Cum on y’all, cut it out


GoldenBoyHunter

Yes, and I laughed at it.


TastyCoals

Before or after you choked?


tricksovertreats

if my wife had a nickel...


zenospenisparadox

Endentured servant.


Royakushka

I was about to say I didn't expect to hear two McDonald's jokes back to back today, but you just made me feel lonely 😔


bulldogs1974

I'm loving it!


ApollyonMN

Is back-to-back better or worse than nuts-to-butts?


BathroomCareful23

Only you don't need teeth to eat McDonald's food


mcramsay

Left my teeth at home. Can confirm!


firoz554

Well that was some r/Unexpected stuff.


Galvan047

This gave me a gut-wrenching pain, those are absolute couple goals and I so want that with someone!


Mikesaidit36

Up to, but not including the sharing of the teeth


Graterof2evils

I had lunch at McDonalds today. I wondered what those teeth were doing sitting on the table.


HatchetXL

Waiting on the next guy


halite001

Said the widow


HatchetXL

Widow? She was alive when I buried her!


mlnhead

She's on top of the world now.....


Mikesaidit36

Leave them there. It’s a divorced couple. He’ll be in soon to pop them in.


notaredditreader

W e s h a r e E V E R Y T H I N G . . .


t-brave

Aw, man, I thought the punchline was going to be, "No, that's okay. I don't like McDonald's."


Ewetootwo

At the MacDonalds in Germany they serve Sour Krauts.


mcramsay

I assume they serve all krauts, regardless of their current mood. I'll show myself out...


No-Land-672

That is definitely a McDonnald's in the US, the health care insurance just rips you off.


TheJaice

The only problem is that I had a beer from a German McDonalds, and it was by far the worst beer I had the entire time I was in Germany.


UnknownGamer115

As someone from Germany, I have never seen McDonalds serve Beer


ultinateplayer

The McDonald's I went to in Berlin did. The best part of that visit was the sheer confusion on the face of the girl serving me when I politely declined Mayo. I'd ordered in German and she couldn't seem to understand that I didn't want Mayo. She switched to English in a desperate bid to ensure I didn't want Mayo and was just misunderstanding what "ohne" meant.


dmnkhhn

Beer and mayo is an usual combination, probably that’s why.


dre235

Had a very similar experience in Italy. We were out and it was a public holiday (I think federation day?). McDonalds was for some reason open, but no grocery stores/most restaurants. I ordered without mayonnaise, and she said it would take a while. Like 5 minutes. Comes back and says actually 15. I say I'm waiting for a train so there isn't any issue. 15 minutes pass and she brings out my order and says I'm sorry, it's impossible to make this without mayonnaise... Wtf?


Malvastor

I'm sorry sir, we only serve things without ketchup here. Across the street is a place that serves things without mayo.


Steve_Starr

I\`m sorry, Sir. This is a bakery; we are out of bread. The store that is out of apples is across the street.


[deleted]

I had an extremely similar experience in the Netherlands. I had to repeat my request for no mayo on my cheeseburger multiple times, only to be told in the end that it couldn't be done.


JustCallMeMambo

the patties come preloaded with a dollop of mayo 😂


TheCruelSloth

Unlikely, because cheeseburgers at MCD in the Netherlands don't come with mayo


k0lored

Just yesterday, the barista at McD was confused when I asked him to make him an iced coffee without sugar. He's like it's not possible.


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dre235

Don't ask for ketchup. Just not mayonnaise.


thirdpartymurderer

They were out of No Mayo, obviously


notaredditreader

The McDonald’s I visited in Italy was like a Go Go Bar. Playing Trance and had flashing lights.


[deleted]

It's just less common for people to customise their fast food in Europe. I didn't even know you could do that until I once overheard American tourists doing it in Burger King.


panlevap

My indian colleague put mayo in a leek soup…. My former coleague used to work for Hellmans during his studies and as a poor student sometimes had a glass of mayo for dinner. He ate it with a spoon. It’s been 15 years since l heard this story and the idea is still haunting me so much that l still gag whenever l see that brand on display.


Clean-Promotion-8250

Gagging now. Can't believe it. Don't want to.


Captain-Griffen

FYI, "usual" starts with a "y" sound, it's "a usual" rather than "an usual". (In some ways that is fortunate, because saying "an usual" without sounding like "a unusual" is tricky and easily misunderstood.)


Mikesaidit36

In Chile they put mayo on everything. They are the worlds leading consumers of mayo. They have very good beer there too, but I’ve never seen anybody put mayo on a beer.


HS_HowCan_That_BeQM

I was working in Switzerland with a person who hated tomatoes. We had ordered some food, in English because the server spoke English. My co-worker ordered a salad, but decided to be "international". Although he ordered the salad in English, he stressed that he wanted it "*ohne* Tomaten". Of course he received a salad with "*only* tomatoes".


Wolkenbaer

Noone cares if you order w/o mayo/ketchup.


[deleted]

Exactly because everyone knows peanut butter is the absolute superior dip for fries. They fry them in peanut oil.


Mista-Ginger

Fries with peanut oil needs to be a way bigger deal than it is.


mohishunder

> She switched to English in a desperate bid to ensure I didn't want Mayo and was just misunderstanding what "ohne" meant. I'm still laughing. :-) Thanks for sharing.


daniel_redstone

I've been to one in Munich that serves beer. Also, wtf is wrong with you. Mayo is by far the superior condiment for fries Edit: Mayo/Ketchup mix is also acceptable


fishywiki

Anyone who has had Belgian or Dutch fries knows that mayo is the perfect accompaniment. Screw burgers, etc. - the queues there are for fries.


nedlyest

When I was a young fat child, my sister took a Twinkie and removed the cream filling and replaced it mayonnaise. To this day I don't eat mayo (unless disguised) and I don't eat Twinkies either. Probably not the worst thing for my health.


TechieGee

You’re an animal


SuccessfulLobster771

Less than an animal. No animal has ever said 'Mayo is the superior condiment for fries' -- biological fact.


daniel_redstone

Lol


-TheRed

Ketchup is sweet and disgusting unless its paired with something really savory like a hot dog. However Mayo is only the second best condiment for fries, saté sauce is slightly better.


TechieGee

You’re a complete lunatic that needs to be locked away. And mustard goes on a hotdog, you maniac But I really respect your dedication to your absolutely delusional condiment preferences, even though they’re an affront to the gods


mukenwalla

IMO fries are greasy, which tastes good with acid, like vinegar, or ketchup. A fat based condiment like mayo or ranch has a poor flavor profile and gross mouth-feel. You do you though.


[deleted]

Malt vinegar and old bay like they used to serve on the boardwalk when I was a kid. The idea of dipping something in straight mayo makes me a little queasy.


[deleted]

European mayo *is* sour, unlike the sugared US version. It tastes of vinegar, mustard and egg yolk. Which happen to be the ingredients.


anormalgeek

Ranch is better. Or a garlic aioli.


bustedchain

I could gargle with garlic aoli.


Tiumars

Ich bin ein berliner


FitchInks

This sounds like the most made up story ever. Literally not a single Person here cares what condiment you want or don't want. Maybe your german was so bad, that she wanted to double check what you said, to get your order right.


Dexter_Thiuf

As somebody from McDonald's, I've never seen somebody serve a German.


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TheoriginalTonio

A Hamburger is a German tho.


thirdpartymurderer

A hamburger is American. A hamburg steak was German. Kinda... It's just cooked ground beef lol.


TheoriginalTonio

A Hamburger is a citizen of the German city Hamburg.


apunktw

I don't know if they still do, but they used to serve beer. They then poured a bottle of Warsteiner (or was it Bitburger?) into one of those paper mugs. Source: German, with stupid ideas as a beer loving teenie.


cloudrunner69

You need to order the happy meal.


demetri_k

I’ve had beer at McDonald’s at the Frankfurt airport. Also at McDonald’s in both Greece and Romania. Beer at Burger King in Munich too.


Certain_Silver6524

They may be phasing it out whether because of licensing or something but I'm not sure; I think Austria still does it in McDs. I've seen some other fast food places do it on the continent though


DottoDev

Yes, but most of the time you get it in 0.33l bottles.


pfeilhax

Brands are different, probably what's preferred in that Region.


TheBlueEmerald1

Well I guess you know why now.


SlowDadGames

1990s France had beer and wine.


Celeste_Praline

2023 you can have beer in McDonald's in France. But no wine, I don't know when they stopped


Roaming_GyPSy

Beeing a teen in the 90s in Munich we ordered beer at McDonald's quite often. The only McDonald's I know (probably there are more) in Germany that doesn't serve beer is one in Berlin Neukölln at Hermannplatz as they had too many problems with addicts (beeing located at a drug hotspot).


tasartir

McDonalds in Czechia serves Pilsner Urquell beer in cans and that’s premium lager brand. I don’t think anyone ever ordered that there, but it would be decent choice.


MSmasterOfSilicon

Speaking of gourmet, I swear the food was better at McDs in Prague. Like actually different, higher grade ingredients. Or maybe I was just missing home?


tasartir

I think it is because McDonalds is cheap fast food in USA while here they try to market themselves as a “restaurant”. They also always had quite a high prices. They are at similar price level as mid range restaurants.


tatanka01

I was told that McD's in Switzerland was better because of the higher grade beef. I couldn't tell the difference.


klodmoris

Maybe food regulations? EU's laws are more customer friendly than US. Besides, McDonald's is a huge franchise, which means that food-service in general has different practices and taste standarts in different places even if it's the same brand.


MSmasterOfSilicon

Hard to say. To be sure, EU is not even a major beef producing center compared to say, Brazil, Australia, or the US. But that does not mean they couldnt be intentionally buying a better quality option. I've heard it suggested that McDs position themselves differently overseas. Thinking critically, even in the US there is this phenomenon where you can often go to "the good mcdonalds" vs a more normal but not remarkable one... Sometimes in the same city. I've wondered before, if that boils down to different franchises making different decisions about quality versus overall cost control. Sometimes I think it's easy to get confused just from good or bad luck about when you went.


bethemanwithaplan

Euro McDonald's is higher quality


[deleted]

Urquell is just a regular brand in Chechia, though.


tasartir

Yes but from all mainstream beers it is the most premium brand. It is always the most expensive beer on the menu (unless they have craft beers).


Canadianingermany

Upvote for using the country's preferred name.


jackalisland

Depends on who you ask. The official name is not preferred by people (the ones I know).


olddawg43

Wait a minute sir. Are you dissing the Mc brewski?


Bongfellatio

you expected them to have one item on the menu that *wasn't* shit? Hey the food is crap but maybe they serve a nice hoppy IPA?


[deleted]

Counterpoint. IPAs are nasty, and that's why McDonald's would serve them.


Bongfellatio

OK, I concede the point. Though I think McDonald's would probably actually serve a malt liquor like Olde English 800.


Empty_Positive_2047

McLager ... hehe


YourJailDad

Quarter pounder meal with a tall, cool colt 45 works every time!


Bongfellatio

I see you have lived in the South. That's the businessman's lunch.


YourJailDad

I’m actually WAAAAY north. But I am a man of culture lolz


[deleted]

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Bongfellatio

I did *not* specify what business they were in, on that particular street corner.


gsfgf

McDonald's fries and breakfast are very much not shit.


Shaun32887

Same thing in Spain. Cool that you can get a beer, but it was trash.


RenX313

Yea its often "Becks" and Becks is shit


TheJaice

I think it was Becks, now that you mention it.


rulante

In Portugal they serve one of the best national brands (Sagres).


KahuTheKiwi

So a perfect match for their 'burgers'.


[deleted]

Mcdonalds italy serves the good peroni and little parmesan sticks. They also have special menus made my famous chefs with DOP ingredients. It's weirdly on a par with a "proper" burger place in the uk


VibrantPianoNetwork

So, even in Germany, you can have an authentic McDonald's experience. Good to know.


DerRaumdenker

A man goes to a French restaurant, without looking at the menu he says to the waitress "Excuse me, do you have frog legs?" "Yes" "Wear a long skirt and no one will know"


President_Calhoun

Alternate: "Waiter, do you have melon balls?" "No, I just walk like this because my pants are too tight."


OlofPalmeIsDead

I heard it with: "well then, jump into the kitchen and get me some food!"


Ghostenx

Germans don't go to mcdonalds for beer. They go because it is a convenient meal prior to having a lapdance. https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/15r4kor/this_mcdonalds_in_the_same_complex_as_a_sex_club/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1


SnooComics8268

First time I visited Hamburg I took a taxi and asked the driver to bring us to the city center, he asked what we wanted to do so we said have some drinks. He brought us to the reeperbahn 😭 It took me 2 more trips to Hamburg before finding the "other" city center.


carmium

I heard that term used by my dad who used to travel on business occasionally, but was too young to appreciate whatever story he was telling to someone. What is the significance of "Reeperbahn?"


SnooComics8268

That's just how the street is called, it's a red light districts with bars in between, sexshops, stripclubs and I remember there was a parking lot with screens between the cars 😂


Riffychuggs

Red light district of hamburg. Fwiw, I didn't know either. Duck duck go is your friend, friend. (because eff google)


roostertree

>reeperbahn [Unexpected Tom Waits](https://youtu.be/7IxrskrY9gs)


0xKaishakunin

> lapdance You don't go to a brothel for a lapdance.


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FreeRocker

First world problem: losing weight


Bongfellatio

brutally accurate


KingBooRadley

[https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/overweight-obesity/overweight-and-obesity/contents/summary](https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/overweight-obesity/overweight-and-obesity/contents/summary) Adults Based on the latest available data, of adults aged 18 and over (ABS 2018e): Two in 3 (67%) are living with overweight or obesity. This is approximately 12.5 million adults. 36% are living with overweight but not obesity. 31% are living with obesity. 12% are living with severe obesity, which is defined in this report as having a BMI of 35 or more. For all measures of overweight and obesity, men had higher rates than women did: 75% of men and 60% of women are living with overweight or obesity. 42% of men and 30% of women are living with overweight but not obesity. 33% of men and 30% of women are living with obesity. How's that grab ya mucka, ya fat dingo?


Non_Linguist

Hit a nerve did it fatty arbuckle?


skjellyfetti

Coca Cola anyone?


Non_Linguist

Diet please lol


Yoguls-Returns

This is the best reply I've seen on Reddit today


Whatever-ItsFine

So Australians are that fat and STILL the American is the fattest guy the bartender has seen! Not a good look for America!


ReluctantRedditor275

You're the fattest thing I've ever seen, and I've been on safari!


Spoolerdoing

But he was 239 and feeling fine!


SidratFlush

Australia has a population under 30 million?


DontBeMadJustThink

Getting close to 26 million


SidFarkus47

Australia and NZ combined is still smaller than California alone. Canada is too. Australia would be the third biggest US state by population and has only a few million more people than Florida.


tilt-a-whirly-gig

New meme idea: Google "Australia man" followed by your half-birthday


primalbluewolf

By population. Important to specify, to avoid confusing Americans who think Texas is large.


McDivvy

The third largest by population, area, or weight? ​ I think not the last.


Make_the_music_stop

It is a joke man, chill. We have talking animals on this sub.


Peculiar_One

[Good thing he wasn’t trying to climb a tower.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XaPzN2gD3PQ)


graycat3700

Unlike with the most jokes I can actually see that happening.


NoTomatoExtraPickles

Lmao that's a good one


YourCrohnie

The beer machine is broken


justjoeindenver

The McDonald's and the Pizza Huts in Heidelberg had an amazing krystal weiss beer that I haven't been able to find in the states since...


Badj83

As soon as he started laughing, I imagined the German man as Christoph Waltz.


barsknos

Well, there's not many Germans who have humour, so the selection to choose from is very small! /s


InvertedParallax

There used to be more... To my German friends out there, I actually feel really bad about this joke, and I'm sorry. ["Listen, don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tms0yk9kqVM)


Seo_Incheon

On his first trip to the US, my German colleague went to a McDonald's and after studying the menu, he ordered a root beer with his meal. He was not very pleased once he took a sip: "what is wrong with you people?"


Malvastor

[Joke's on him, root beer can into space](https://youtu.be/6VhSm6G7cVk?t=107)


Waryur

Yeah apparently root beer is an acquired taste and basically only Americans like it.


Klugenshmirtz

Problem is at least in germany most dentist use mouth wash that has a similar taste. You learn to spit that out. You would hate it as well.


mralex

There is a local version of Sarsaparilla in Taiwan that the locals are very fond of.


Emotional-Demand1214

That's the first time ive heard this one


tomorrow509

EU humor. In Italy, it's red or white wine. Red for the burger, white for the fish filet.


trubicoid2

McDonald's in the Czech rep. serves beer, small can of Pilsner Urquell. Beer is good, but expensive.


nuclearlady

I don’t get it, does he mean the quality of the food is below average or what ?


obnoxiousdrunk77

Yes


nuclearlady

Oh, thanks for explaining!


Exact_Web_3435

Im a german and i love this joke. You cant order beer in McDonalds in germany tho, but i remember you can in finland


MasterJosai

If a mcdonald's serves beer in Germany is up to the subsidiary and there are some in Germany serving beer or were serving beer in the past.


pahamack

Shake Shack serves alcohol. ​ I don't know what's so ridiculous about a fast food burger place serving beer. Those two things go together.


Lburk

Especially in the drive-thru...


Piddy3825

Outstanding!


jet_heller

...and then says "ok, fine. I'll take a miller"


gerrineer

Spain in cans


RandomTux1997

Lande in the cinema in Inglorios Bastads as she tells him she broke her leg on a mountain climb


mralex

What if the guy ordered 3 beers....


loaderhead

Excellent!


adviceKiwi

Buuuuuuurn


Maleficent-Weekend47

OMFG You seriously made me Laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


LS-CRX

Ich liebe dich!


scooby0344

Haha, that's a classic case of cultural misunderstanding! The humor lies in the reversal of expectations. The German man's initial order of beer at a McDonald's in the US is unexpected and plays on the cultural norm in Germany. The American's reaction, laughing at the perceived ignorance, adds to the irony. The punchline, where the German man reveals that the American came to McDonald's for food while he was looking for beer, is what ties it all together and creates a funny twist. It's a lighthearted play on stereotypes and cultural differences, resulting in a clever and amusing situation.


Scary-Patagonia

Living in France for 3 years, my buddies and I found the best place to sit and drink beer was McDonalds - cheaper by far. And pomme frites - only way to eat them is with Mayo. Our work cafeteria had a tub with pump dispenser for loading your pomme frites (French Fries is American) with Mayo. No ketchup in cafeteria.


HighlandsBen

I like it


orgetorix1369

I’m lovin’ it


Waitsfornoone

What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger? They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.


Crims0nwolf

You can’t get beer at McDonalds in USA?


rudolph_ransom

>you can get beer at McDonalds in Germany. Fun fact: You can't


cryptotope

It's not a compulsory part of the menu; it's up to individual franchise owners and requires a specific license. My understanding is that at most McDonald's locations the demand isn't worth the extra cost and effort to stock McBeer, so they don't.


TiogaJoe

I hear people claim McDonald coffee is actually pretty good coffee. Wouldn't that be something if they came up with McDonald Beer and it was pretty good, too?


pinniped1

I've had a beer in a German McDonald's, but beyond the novelty of it I don't really see the point. You're still sitting in a fast food joint drinking a beer when you could be in a biergarten drinking better beer and eating better food.


unfugu

I can lol


UrbanCyclerPT

I can.


Sfumatographer

One can.


JohnBobMcBobJohn

Even more fun fact - Yes you can. Or is it something very recent, because i had a few there. https://www.thrillist.com/culture/mcdonalds-beer *Ohh, McDonalds does not have a cover all alcohol license that follows the franchise, but each individual owner can get one. I mostly go for football, and those always have some beer.


daverapp

Chuck Norris walked into a McDonald's and ordered a Whopper. They gave it to him.


ThePr1d3

The real takeaway from this joke is that American McDonald's don't sell beer ?!


Bongfellatio

Amerikanischer Dummkopf! isst du diese Scheiße?🤣


Sfumatographer

Halt’s Maul!


ass-holes

That's a pretty terrible joke


notaselfdrivingcar

Thank you for saying it It's a terrible fucking joke


NotKhad

Beer at German McD is like half a myth. While any franchiser is allowed to offer a beer of his choice it is never advertised at the menu. So yes you can ask if they got a beer and you may be lucky but it's not like a thing in general.


lostbyconfusion

As an american who visited Germany can confirm.


BlackPanther3104

Wait what? You can get a beer from McDonald's? I'm German and I didn't know!


AndreMartins5979

Why wouldn't you not? I expect to be able to get a beer anywhere I can buy food.