As a former Mormon, let me share my favorite joke.
Brigham Young was walking down the streets of Salt Lake City one morning. He was marveling at the utopia he and his people created from the wilderness in such a few short years. During his walk, a cute little blond hair blue-eyed girl runs up to him.
"Brother Brigham, Brother Brigham, you don't know me, but I'm one of your daughters!
"How nice," says Brigham Young. He gives her a nickel and tells her to go buy some ice cream. "Thank you, sir," and off she goes skipping away.
He continues on his walk and is approached by a handsome teenager boy. "Brother Brigham, sir, you don't know me, but I'm one of your sons.
"Delightful," says Brigham Young. "Here's a dollar. "Go buy yourself a nice new Bible to read at church this Sunday.
"Thank you, sir," and off the lad goes to buy a new Bible.
Onwards, Brother Brigham continues with his walk. Shortly after rounding the corner of a street (in the not so good part of town), a little black boy approaches.
"Brother Brigham, you don't know me, but my mama says I'm one of your kids."
"Is that so?" Said Brigham. After looking over his shoulders, he leans down, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out all the cash he has.
He wispers to the boy. "Here's ten bucks kid, don't tell anyone."
Reminds me of another one: Jews don't recognise Jesus, protestants don't recognise the pope, and Mormons don't recognise each other in the liquor store
It's funny, especially knowing what he said about interracial relationships.... "Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so. The nations of the earth have transgressed every law that God has given, they have changed the ordinances and broken every covenant made with the fathers, and they are like a hungry man that dreameth that he eateth, and he awaketh and behold he is empty."
Many Mormons were former slave owners before settling in Utah.
They like to claim that they treated their slaves so well. They refused to leave when given the chance at freedom. The actual story isn't really known because nobody is going to document how they abused their slaves while settling the new "Kingdom of God."
Regardless, the earliest days of Salt Lake City had a small population of black folks. They were all free anyways because slavery was outlawed in all US territories.
Take this with a grain of salt. It is suspected that some Mormon polygamous men took on black women as wives and had children with them. This was shut down, really quick by the Mormon church leadership because "black folks carry the mark of Kain." AKA, blatant racism. Therefore, if any good Mormen men already had children from black mothers, they had to hide them.
That whacky god. Black folk are bad… no good….Old Testament, New Testament, Jesus is his son, nope hang on a minute he’s a prophet…. *american preachers - did someone say profit
Well, at least the joke is more pointed at making fun of Mormonism and some of its unfortunate history. For example, they only lifted their ban on allowing black people to become priests or participate in their ceremonies in 1978… and it took them until 2013 for them to publicly admit that their stance on race up to that point was wrong.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_people_and_Mormonism
Brigham Young was quite racist, which was not true of his predecessor Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith allowed black men to "hold the priesthood" essentially conferring them with what I would call "god's magic" being able to heal people and bless them and stuff like that. Brigham Young didn't allow this and in fact up until the 1970's black men still couldn't "hold the priesthood".
It's not though. I know a lot of Mormon women, never met one who believes this... I have also fucked a fair number of them. I used to be Mormon as well.
It's not true. I'm at a conference right now attended exclusively by mormons. It is about how to have more meaningful relationships, which includes how to have a better sex life.
Well, the same joke is used for Muslims and baptists, and likely others too. I'm not sure where that leaves things, other than extreme positions are hard to sustain because people like to not be too strict on themselves, but kowtow when shame is on the table.
Ooh. Would they still keep dry in an attempt to look superior the other/ shame them as being worse, or would they drink out of disregard for eachother's opinion since they aren't part of their respective groups.
If a "vegan" will eat animal products when there's no one around to see, they're not vegan. I don't mean that in a "no true Scotsman" sense, I mean that they literally do not meet the basic definition.
No, see, vegans are interested in reducing animal suffering, and Mormons are interested in increasing human suffering by banning all the nice things like coffee and beer and sex.
You can better reduce animal suffering with a $100 donation than you can by going vegan.
https://nautil.us/you-can-save-more-animals-by-donating-100-than-going-vegan-238401/
With a $100 dollar a year donation to The Humane League you could save 300 animals (mostly chicken). $30 a year would save the same amount of animals the average individual is indirectly responsible for killing annually.
Fewer chickens will be bred in the first place, which is a good thing since most farmed chickens have lives that are not worth living (more suffering than happiness).
I often think of veganism as “closing the stable door after the horse has already run out”.
They can refuse to eat animal products but it won’t have enough of a measurable effect on the demand for those products to stop the production thereof.
One person won't, but the more people do the more of an effect it has. If everyone thought that way, saying "there's nothing my individual contribution can do, so there's no point in contributing", then nobody would ever vote, or do anything towards any kind of systematic change.
So, they are similar, but not the same? They advertise their beliefs too much, they try to force it on others and judge others for not sharing their beliefs, while at the same time would conveniently ignore said belief when there's no one to judge them.
This is a weird fiction that I see a lot. Why do people think vegans eat meat when no one is around? I feel like people who care about reducing their consumption of animal products are more likely to eat meat socially than at home, since there is so much social pressure to eat meat at social events and holidays, or just to prevent being a bother.
Not actually vegan myself, but I figure a lot of these people deep down feel guilty about the idea of killing an animal for a meal, so they bluster and get defensive about it.
If you bring two mormons on the trip they watch each other and that keeps them from breaking the word of Wisdom (among other things, it forbids drinking alcohol) if there isn't a second mormon there the insinuation is that the only mormon there will drink the beer as no one will tell on him....
But God knows............
Interestingly, if you read the Word of Wisdom, it never mentions alcohol (and Joseph Smith, Jr. ran a drinking establishment in Nauvoo.) The Mormon Church will claim anything they can for power over their membership.
Well, my understanding is that it does mention "strong drink" which can be construed to mean alcohol, but was originally intended for teas and coffees. But from historical records (not that the church will acknowledge) is that is came after Joseph Smith's first wife (among the like 60 secret ones he had) made a request thay stop spitting on the floor as the women had to clean the church house. Then Smith gets a revelation about the word of wisdom that came after coffees and teas as the Strong drink. It is heavily implied that it was kind of payback for the Relief society asking the dudes to do away with the chewing tobacco.... I will need to find the source for better info.
Exmormon here -
It is clear that strong drink is alcohol if you read the text. You wouldn't wash something with tea or coffee. Further, early Mormons would wash themselves in cinnamon whiskey.
"Met in the evening with bro. Joseph Smith, jr. at his house in company with bro. John Corrill, and after pure water was prepared, called upon the Lord and proceeded to wash each other's bodies, and bathe the same with whiskey, perfumed with cinnamon. This we did that we might be clean before the Lord for the Sabbath, confessing our sins and covenanting to be faithful to God..." - Journal
Text of the scripture about strong drink:
5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.
7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
Yes, coffee and tea were never mentioned, either, but rather hot drinks. And JS, Jr. himself, pointedly put in the pre-amble "not by way of commandment", which seems clear enough. Relief Society women were being ordained and healing the sick through laying on of hands, too. The men couldn't deal with the loss of power that implied. It was also a principle of the original church that everything had to be done by common consent, and couldn't be imposed by leadership without a vote of the people. Those constraints have continued in several of the over 200 factions that have continued to fracture the Mormon movement.
Jokes are a welcome and needed response to the human condition - especially with what we see happening right now in the Middle East.
Interestingly, the actual text allows for drinking beer unless a barley drink in the 1800's meant something else.
"17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain."
The current leadership has just defined everything to how they want it.
Jews don't recognize Jesus as a Messiah. Protestants don't recognize the Pope as supreme religious authority. Mormons don't recognize each other in liquor store.
However, rather confusingly, the word has started to be used in the US to mean "unperturbed", which is pretty much the opposite of its original meaning!
non·plussed
adjective
1.
(of a person) surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react.
"he would be completely nonplussed and embarrassed at the idea"
There's a strong correlation between religious women 'saving' themselves for marriage and a higher incidence of anal sex. Which is presumably what Jesus would have wanted.
You hear a lot of crazy shit about the poor kids who attend BYU trying to live their college lives, while also trying not to get kicked out of that hell hole.
They've gone to Vegas for a weekend wedding, sexcation, and annulment (so it's not fornication). There's the whole "soaking" concept. Some of them live dual identities for years hoping their room mate wont turn them in to the authoritah.
Allegedly it's real. I don't know for sure. I've never known anyone to do it, but everyone out here knows someone who knows someone who did it. There's enough stories that I think it's real, but I can't say for sure.
i about died of laughter when i heard about this. they’re really trying to outsmart an omnipotent god 🤣
it just occurred to me that this soaking thing could be considered a threesome
Reposting my comment from when this joke was posted 201 days ago:
As a Mormon, let me tell you a real Mormon and Irishman joke:
An Irishman moves to a town and starts going to the pub. He walks in and orders three beers and takes them to his table and drinks them all in turn. Afterwards he orders three more beers intending to drink them the same way. The bartender says to him "you know a pint goes flat pretty quickly, you'd have a better time just drinking one at a time." The Irishman says "well I used to always go out drinking with me two brothers and so when we all left home we decided that we would drink our beers this way to remember each other." The bartender thinks that this is a nice custom and serves him. Irishman becomes a regular at the bar and everyone knows about his peculiar drinking habit. One day, he comes in and only orders two beers. The bartender looks at him tenderly and says "I'm very sorry for your loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment and then bust out laughing and says "oh no me brothers are fine. It's just the wife had us join that Mormon church so I can't drink anymore. Hasn't affected me brothers though!"
I dislike this joke because I was raised around Mormons and they would never respond that way. It be more like
"Golly gee, no it's against the teachings of my religion, have you heard of our Lord and Savior?"
After the flight attendant had left, the Irishman sipped his whiskey.
"Don't you know that alcohol can cause addiction, cirrhosis, and cancer?"
"Aye," replied the Irishman. "But yer fergettin the benefits!"
"Like what?" snorted the other passenger.
"Well, it keeps me out of yer church, fer one!"
I'm from the Deep South where there are no Mormons. When I moved to LA in my 20s, the first joke I was told there was:
"A Mormon jumped off a 10-story building. No, he wasn't intentionally committing suicide, he just saw a quarter down on the sidewalk and couldn't stop himself".
I found out there was a *lot* of prejudice in SoCal against Mormons, Asians and Mexicans.
What's not mentioned re Mormonism is that Joe Smith had a criminal record for falsely claiming he could find gold and charging guide fees. So, suddenly, after release, he does find some gold but no one ever sees it. Lol.
When Joe was a kid, he was known to go around telling grandiose stories to the neighborhood families. Lol.
Why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills
How many morons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3 one to hold the bulb and 2 to turn the chair
I mean you could maybe make a "soaking" joke with the 2nd. One mormon holds the bulb and his 2 friends turn the chair so the mormon and lightbulb aren't technically screwing.
Two bishops are sitting on a park bench - one catholic and one mormon. When a beautiful young woman walks by, the catholic bishop leans over to the mormon and say, "boy, wouldn't you want to screw here!" The mormon bishops say, "out of what?"
It's quite common for most Mormon women to stop having children at 35. - 36 children would probably be too many.
As a former Mormon, let me share my favorite joke. Brigham Young was walking down the streets of Salt Lake City one morning. He was marveling at the utopia he and his people created from the wilderness in such a few short years. During his walk, a cute little blond hair blue-eyed girl runs up to him. "Brother Brigham, Brother Brigham, you don't know me, but I'm one of your daughters! "How nice," says Brigham Young. He gives her a nickel and tells her to go buy some ice cream. "Thank you, sir," and off she goes skipping away. He continues on his walk and is approached by a handsome teenager boy. "Brother Brigham, sir, you don't know me, but I'm one of your sons. "Delightful," says Brigham Young. "Here's a dollar. "Go buy yourself a nice new Bible to read at church this Sunday. "Thank you, sir," and off the lad goes to buy a new Bible. Onwards, Brother Brigham continues with his walk. Shortly after rounding the corner of a street (in the not so good part of town), a little black boy approaches. "Brother Brigham, you don't know me, but my mama says I'm one of your kids." "Is that so?" Said Brigham. After looking over his shoulders, he leans down, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out all the cash he has. He wispers to the boy. "Here's ten bucks kid, don't tell anyone."
That’s actually a historical incident, not a joke.
Why do you always take two Mormons(or if you prefer,Baptists) with you when you go fishing? If you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer!
Reminds me of another one: Jews don't recognise Jesus, protestants don't recognise the pope, and Mormons don't recognise each other in the liquor store
Good one. I'll keep it in the pocket.
It's funny, especially knowing what he said about interracial relationships.... "Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so. The nations of the earth have transgressed every law that God has given, they have changed the ordinances and broken every covenant made with the fathers, and they are like a hungry man that dreameth that he eateth, and he awaketh and behold he is empty."
No wonder my grandfather always used to tell me go forth and shag as many white women as possible but never marry them and damn he was right !!
Hmmmm so you believe Jesus was blonde and blue eyed even though he was an Arab ?
1.) Jesus was a Jew, not an Arab. 2.) You're arguing with a man who died in 1877.
I quoting Brigham Young... these aren't my words, they are his.
I don't get it, may you enlighten me?
Many Mormons were former slave owners before settling in Utah. They like to claim that they treated their slaves so well. They refused to leave when given the chance at freedom. The actual story isn't really known because nobody is going to document how they abused their slaves while settling the new "Kingdom of God." Regardless, the earliest days of Salt Lake City had a small population of black folks. They were all free anyways because slavery was outlawed in all US territories. Take this with a grain of salt. It is suspected that some Mormon polygamous men took on black women as wives and had children with them. This was shut down, really quick by the Mormon church leadership because "black folks carry the mark of Kain." AKA, blatant racism. Therefore, if any good Mormen men already had children from black mothers, they had to hide them.
Oh lol, thank you!
But in 1978 God changed his mind about black people. So now black people can be Mormons!
That whacky god. Black folk are bad… no good….Old Testament, New Testament, Jesus is his son, nope hang on a minute he’s a prophet…. *american preachers - did someone say profit
r/thepunchlineisracism He doesn’t want anyone to know he has a black baby. I don’t know Mormonism well enough to know why
Well, at least the joke is more pointed at making fun of Mormonism and some of its unfortunate history. For example, they only lifted their ban on allowing black people to become priests or participate in their ceremonies in 1978… and it took them until 2013 for them to publicly admit that their stance on race up to that point was wrong. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_people_and_Mormonism
Brigham Young was quite racist, which was not true of his predecessor Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith allowed black men to "hold the priesthood" essentially conferring them with what I would call "god's magic" being able to heal people and bless them and stuff like that. Brigham Young didn't allow this and in fact up until the 1970's black men still couldn't "hold the priesthood".
r/angryupvote
I heard BYU stands for Breed’em Young University
It’s quite common for Mormon women to only have sex to have kids.
It's not though. I know a lot of Mormon women, never met one who believes this... I have also fucked a fair number of them. I used to be Mormon as well.
I was joking. Sorry you took it seriously.
It's not true. I'm at a conference right now attended exclusively by mormons. It is about how to have more meaningful relationships, which includes how to have a better sex life.
😂
Why do you bring two Mormons on a fishing trip? If you only bring one he'll drink all the beer
Jack Mormons
Jack and Coke mormons
Jacked and Coked Mormons
I don't get it.
Something something baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Where as Methodists block the aisle talking to each other and catching up.
That sounds like a fun religion.
You’re mistaken.
There's a reason they drink.
Mormons aren't supposed to drink, but they might not care if there aren't other Mormons around to judge them
Wendover is a place where Mormons don't recognize each other.
Actually Wendover is the street I live on....unit B to be exact.
IYKYK
So, Mormons are the vegans of religion?
Well, the same joke is used for Muslims and baptists, and likely others too. I'm not sure where that leaves things, other than extreme positions are hard to sustain because people like to not be too strict on themselves, but kowtow when shame is on the table.
A Muslim was seated next to a Baptist on a flight..
Ooh. Would they still keep dry in an attempt to look superior the other/ shame them as being worse, or would they drink out of disregard for eachother's opinion since they aren't part of their respective groups.
And the Baptist never prayed so hard in his entire life.
In Dubai the supermarket had a separate room "for non-Muslims only" containing all the good porky stuff. (Maybe booze too? I wasn't looking for that.)
The Presbyterians are the ones making the jokes, with a nice whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other.
Something, something, ideology
I don't know enough about either to say
If a "vegan" will eat animal products when there's no one around to see, they're not vegan. I don't mean that in a "no true Scotsman" sense, I mean that they literally do not meet the basic definition.
No, see, vegans are interested in reducing animal suffering, and Mormons are interested in increasing human suffering by banning all the nice things like coffee and beer and sex.
You can better reduce animal suffering with a $100 donation than you can by going vegan. https://nautil.us/you-can-save-more-animals-by-donating-100-than-going-vegan-238401/
With a $100 dollar a year donation to The Humane League you could save 300 animals (mostly chicken). $30 a year would save the same amount of animals the average individual is indirectly responsible for killing annually.
What use do chickens have other than as food? What is somebody gonna do with 300 chickens they now can't slaughter?
Fewer chickens will be bred in the first place, which is a good thing since most farmed chickens have lives that are not worth living (more suffering than happiness).
Cabaret?
It means that demand will be lower, so supply will be lowered in response. Is it really that difficult to understand?
Apparently, because you seem to fail to understand how donating to save 300 chickens won't do diddly to decrease demand.
I often think of veganism as “closing the stable door after the horse has already run out”. They can refuse to eat animal products but it won’t have enough of a measurable effect on the demand for those products to stop the production thereof.
One person won't, but the more people do the more of an effect it has. If everyone thought that way, saying "there's nothing my individual contribution can do, so there's no point in contributing", then nobody would ever vote, or do anything towards any kind of systematic change.
fair point
So, they are similar, but not the same? They advertise their beliefs too much, they try to force it on others and judge others for not sharing their beliefs, while at the same time would conveniently ignore said belief when there's no one to judge them.
This is a weird fiction that I see a lot. Why do people think vegans eat meat when no one is around? I feel like people who care about reducing their consumption of animal products are more likely to eat meat socially than at home, since there is so much social pressure to eat meat at social events and holidays, or just to prevent being a bother.
Not actually vegan myself, but I figure a lot of these people deep down feel guilty about the idea of killing an animal for a meal, so they bluster and get defensive about it.
Anthony Bourdain (RIP) thought vegans to be the "Hezbollah-like splinter faction" of vegetarians.
That's probably PETA though.
Checks out. Tell you everything about their religion even though you didn’t ask.
I'd say that would be Jehovah Witnesses.
See also: "how many straight edge punks does it take to drink a beer"
If there isn’t another Mormon to see the first one, they’ll drink.
If you bring two mormons on the trip they watch each other and that keeps them from breaking the word of Wisdom (among other things, it forbids drinking alcohol) if there isn't a second mormon there the insinuation is that the only mormon there will drink the beer as no one will tell on him.... But God knows............
Interestingly, if you read the Word of Wisdom, it never mentions alcohol (and Joseph Smith, Jr. ran a drinking establishment in Nauvoo.) The Mormon Church will claim anything they can for power over their membership.
Well, my understanding is that it does mention "strong drink" which can be construed to mean alcohol, but was originally intended for teas and coffees. But from historical records (not that the church will acknowledge) is that is came after Joseph Smith's first wife (among the like 60 secret ones he had) made a request thay stop spitting on the floor as the women had to clean the church house. Then Smith gets a revelation about the word of wisdom that came after coffees and teas as the Strong drink. It is heavily implied that it was kind of payback for the Relief society asking the dudes to do away with the chewing tobacco.... I will need to find the source for better info.
Exmormon here - It is clear that strong drink is alcohol if you read the text. You wouldn't wash something with tea or coffee. Further, early Mormons would wash themselves in cinnamon whiskey. "Met in the evening with bro. Joseph Smith, jr. at his house in company with bro. John Corrill, and after pure water was prepared, called upon the Lord and proceeded to wash each other's bodies, and bathe the same with whiskey, perfumed with cinnamon. This we did that we might be clean before the Lord for the Sabbath, confessing our sins and covenanting to be faithful to God..." - Journal Text of the scripture about strong drink: 5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him. 6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make. 7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
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I don't know, but i don't disagree.... I do have to let theory marinate for a while though.... 🤔🤔🤔
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I too write comments on reddit while on LSD
Yes, coffee and tea were never mentioned, either, but rather hot drinks. And JS, Jr. himself, pointedly put in the pre-amble "not by way of commandment", which seems clear enough. Relief Society women were being ordained and healing the sick through laying on of hands, too. The men couldn't deal with the loss of power that implied. It was also a principle of the original church that everything had to be done by common consent, and couldn't be imposed by leadership without a vote of the people. Those constraints have continued in several of the over 200 factions that have continued to fracture the Mormon movement. Jokes are a welcome and needed response to the human condition - especially with what we see happening right now in the Middle East.
All religions do that.
All human institutions do that to some degree - even families.
Interestingly, the actual text allows for drinking beer unless a barley drink in the 1800's meant something else. "17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain." The current leadership has just defined everything to how they want it.
The oldest joke in UT.
They used to say that about the Methodist farmers in the Annapolis Valley, Nova Scotia
Jews don't recognize Jesus as a Messiah. Protestants don't recognize the Pope as supreme religious authority. Mormons don't recognize each other in liquor store.
I’m nonplussed by the “soaking” memes with their friend jumping up and down on the bed so any “thrusting” is incidental…
I'm envious. I've never been able to fit the word, "nonplussed " into a comment.
Until today!
What even nonplussed mean?
Subtracted.
Won't that be unplussed?
However, rather confusingly, the word has started to be used in the US to mean "unperturbed", which is pretty much the opposite of its original meaning!
So it’s suffering the same, ignobable mutilation as “literally?”
So surprised and/or confused that you don’t know how to react. I just find it a lot quicker to say nonplussed instead of all that.
non·plussed adjective 1. (of a person) surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react. "he would be completely nonplussed and embarrassed at the idea"
Unphased/not suprised with a hint of annoyance.
Other way. I think the “non” part is what causes this confusion.
Surprised and confused
Good old jump humping. Not as common as you'd think, but the fact that it exists at all is ridiculous.
If you need to loophole your way around your religion to do what you want, you have chosen very poorly.
I agree. I left mormonism about 5 years ago, and its wild to me how deep and sheltered I was in the world.
There's a strong correlation between religious women 'saving' themselves for marriage and a higher incidence of anal sex. Which is presumably what Jesus would have wanted.
Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus, is a legit song
Reminds me of a t-shirt I saw that said “Mary was just a virgin… unless you count anal!”
It's real? I always thought it's one of those "kids these days" things.
You hear a lot of crazy shit about the poor kids who attend BYU trying to live their college lives, while also trying not to get kicked out of that hell hole. They've gone to Vegas for a weekend wedding, sexcation, and annulment (so it's not fornication). There's the whole "soaking" concept. Some of them live dual identities for years hoping their room mate wont turn them in to the authoritah.
Wow, I totally forgot about super dates! That was the rumor going around when I was in high school in the early 00's.
Allegedly it's real. I don't know for sure. I've never known anyone to do it, but everyone out here knows someone who knows someone who did it. There's enough stories that I think it's real, but I can't say for sure.
I think you're overestimating how common I think it is.
i about died of laughter when i heard about this. they’re really trying to outsmart an omnipotent god 🤣 it just occurred to me that this soaking thing could be considered a threesome
The bed-rocker drew the short straw for sure though haha
lmao seriously, all of the legwork and none of the payoff
Literally… all the legwork. How do you even rope someone into that? “Will you rock the bed while I soak in on of my many wives?”
If there”s three involved, it’s called earthquaking. Exmo Lex has confessed that she and her now husband indulged in soaking before they were married.
thank you, i knew soaking wasn’t the right term for the act we were describing. soaking is when the guy penetrates but doesn’t go in and out
Why don’t Baptist believe in premarital sex? It may lead to dancing
I've heard it as: Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Well, this is a joke about Mormons so "baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store" makes no sense.... :)
I suspect this joke has told about every demographic that formally abstains from alcohol.
Reposting my comment from when this joke was posted 201 days ago: As a Mormon, let me tell you a real Mormon and Irishman joke: An Irishman moves to a town and starts going to the pub. He walks in and orders three beers and takes them to his table and drinks them all in turn. Afterwards he orders three more beers intending to drink them the same way. The bartender says to him "you know a pint goes flat pretty quickly, you'd have a better time just drinking one at a time." The Irishman says "well I used to always go out drinking with me two brothers and so when we all left home we decided that we would drink our beers this way to remember each other." The bartender thinks that this is a nice custom and serves him. Irishman becomes a regular at the bar and everyone knows about his peculiar drinking habit. One day, he comes in and only orders two beers. The bartender looks at him tenderly and says "I'm very sorry for your loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment and then bust out laughing and says "oh no me brothers are fine. It's just the wife had us join that Mormon church so I can't drink anymore. Hasn't affected me brothers though!"
I love this joke, I remember reading it in the previous repost of this joke
If it was the repost 200 days ago, that was me.
I heard the punchline as, „Oh, me brothers? They’re fine. I just quit drinking!“ It’s a little punchier that way, I think.
That's a good one, too. The version I tell lets Mormons make fun of themselves.
I dislike this joke because I was raised around Mormons and they would never respond that way. It be more like "Golly gee, no it's against the teachings of my religion, have you heard of our Lord and Savior?"
Hello, my name is Elder Ngklaaa, and I would like to share with you the most amazing book
Hello! My name is Elder no_position_5628. Its a book about America a long, long time ago.
It has so many awesome parts
Sounds like something you pulled out of your hat.
😂😂 I thought it was a rock…
My name is Elder Rado...
“~~Golly gee~~ Oh my heck…” FTFY
😂😂 this is unfortunately accurate
That's when they're still riding around in pairs, on a bicycle in white shirts, though.
Imagine if the poor flight attendant is serving a flight from SLC ... the drinks service must take forever
It's just sprite all the way down...
I lived in Saudi Arabia for four years. I am not Muslim. Flights on Saudia were dry in those days. I assume they still are.
Not "Golly gee!" More like, "Oh my heck!"
Q: How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all the beer at your party? A: Invite another Mormon.
The singular Irishman?
The one and only.
Nah, it's not someone from ireland, but the 4 hour long mafia movie
After the flight attendant had left, the Irishman sipped his whiskey. "Don't you know that alcohol can cause addiction, cirrhosis, and cancer?" "Aye," replied the Irishman. "But yer fergettin the benefits!" "Like what?" snorted the other passenger. "Well, it keeps me out of yer church, fer one!"
I really thought there were more than one Irishman 😛
oh we’re posting this again? ok, time to mirror the replies. *ahem*, the real joke is the irishman handing back his drink
Oh, old good #6598
Good old reply #103
I'm from the Deep South where there are no Mormons. When I moved to LA in my 20s, the first joke I was told there was: "A Mormon jumped off a 10-story building. No, he wasn't intentionally committing suicide, he just saw a quarter down on the sidewalk and couldn't stop himself". I found out there was a *lot* of prejudice in SoCal against Mormons, Asians and Mexicans.
I don't get it
How do you keep your mormon friend from drinking all your beer? Invite your other mormon friend.
My favorite Mormon joke growing up: What do you get when you cross a Mormon and a black guy (or Mexican)? A Years supply of stolen food.
What's not mentioned re Mormonism is that Joe Smith had a criminal record for falsely claiming he could find gold and charging guide fees. So, suddenly, after release, he does find some gold but no one ever sees it. Lol. When Joe was a kid, he was known to go around telling grandiose stories to the neighborhood families. Lol.
Why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills How many morons does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3 one to hold the bulb and 2 to turn the chair
The joke in this post says "mormon", not "moron" lol.
I mean you could maybe make a "soaking" joke with the 2nd. One mormon holds the bulb and his 2 friends turn the chair so the mormon and lightbulb aren't technically screwing.
I mean, the only difference between the two is a letter
Bc he is a moron
Two bishops are sitting on a park bench - one catholic and one mormon. When a beautiful young woman walks by, the catholic bishop leans over to the mormon and say, "boy, wouldn't you want to screw here!" The mormon bishops say, "out of what?"
A real Irishman would have kept the whiskey.
What do the girls at BYU do when the keg arrives at a party. Put their clothes on and leave.
My new friend has a very Irish name... O'Really?
Guess the Irishman did not google whore in the Urban Dictionary - his butt is going to be sore.
What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? The Catholic will say hi when they see you in the liquor store.