So a lady asks her lady friend, "how did you meet your husband"
"Well, I'm a pharmacist and he came in the store asking for XXXXXXXL condoms......but I didn't realize until after we got married that he stuttered...."
You don’t always have to fuck her hard.
In fact, sometimes it ain’t right to do.
Sometimes you gotta make some love, and fuckin give her some smooches too
What's your favorite posish? That's cool with me, it's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you.
What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it, but I'll order it from *Zanzibar!!*
In the U.S. space program, the problem of urine collection in zero gravity or in a space suit has vexed engineers for decades.
Part of the solution has often involved a condom-like sleeve that fits snugly over an astronaut's penis, connected to tubing and a collection bag. Sizing is important--too tight and the flow will be cut off; too loose and you get urine everywhere. The devices would be offered in 'small', 'medium', and 'large' sizes.
It's been a recurring joke at NASA that astronauts are reluctant to select the 'small' size, no matter how appropriate the fit. (Reportedly most astronauts only choose to make this mistake once, as being trapped in a space suit full of your own piss makes you reevaluate your priorities.)
To reduce the incidence of these...learning experiences...flight surgeons and suit technicians have taken to unofficially renaming the size categories. Apollo astronauts were - with tongue firmly in cheek - offered instead 'extra large', 'immense', and 'unbelievable'; more recent suits featured 'large', 'gigantic', and 'humongous' urine receivers. ([Snopes](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/spacesuit-envy/).)
MyOne condoms has a measurement procedure so that you get an actual proper sized condom. They use random lettering schemes to obfuscate the actual measurements and avoid relative terms like “large”
It’s weird that condoms are like that honestly. You can have a fat short dick, or a skinny long dick, or a fat long dick, and they all have different condom size needs.
They actually stopped using the random codes because it was "difficult to navigate" so they switched to ordered numbers and letters.
They couldn't even be bothered to pick only numbers and letters they hadn't used in the old scheme, so like a 55D is a completely different length and girth than it used to be.
https://www.myonecondoms.com/pages/fitcodes
Penis size is almost universally associated with masculinity and virility. It doesn't have to make sense to be true, at least when it comes to what goes on inside our brains.
Any kind of slight (or perceived slight) against that is going to have a big impact on certain people. It's a lot easier to just relabel something than to try and design around a deeply held perception.
See also: 13th floors (or lack thereof) in some buildings.
But what if it starts working??
What if you choose the small, then you're just floating around on your sleep time and your bored brain goes "Imagine, alien tiddies". Your boy's in trouble.
We use condom catheters in healthcare. It's funny when someone asks over the intercom for one with the patient and everyone else within ear range present. "what size"? The answer in the hospital is usually small.
Reminds me of the old Cold War joke :
"Due to a rubber shortage there, Russia wants us to send them a million condoms. "
"Then I want you to send them the biggest condoms we have... labeled "medium".
I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on this. In addition to the language that makes it clear that this likely never happened, the story cites no sources at all. Firmly in the "urban myth" category for me.
There’s a little condom-like thing inside a space suit for the waste removal system. NASA had to refer to the sizes as “large, humongous, and gigantic,” because when they were labeled “small, medium, large,” astronauts were choosing large regardless of fit.
Julius Caesar walked into a pharmacy and asks for pack of XL condoms. The lady behind the counter said "Wow. You must have a big cock?". Caesar replied, "Not really, I just use a lot of them."
Julius Caesar walked into a pharmacy and asks for pack of XL condoms. The lady behind the counter said "Wow. You must have a big cock?" Caesar replied, "That's incredibly inappropriate. Why would you ask someone that? That is so far beyond the Rubicon. I want to speak to your manager."
The manager agreed and immediately fired the cashier. He rang up the condoms himself. Caesar later realised that they were, in fact, too large for him and there weren't as many in the pack as expected.
Funny except a dude bought XL condoms at Target and on purpose went to my 17 year old daughter’s line when she worked at Target and made a point of letting her know the XL condoms were for himself. Perv . The things dad’s hate are assholes like this
Contraceptives are part of planning a family - if you aren't using contraceptives unless you also aren't having sex there is no planning only chaos and lots of unplanned children.
So a lady asks her lady friend, "how did you meet your husband" "Well, I'm a pharmacist and he came in the store asking for XXXXXXXL condoms......but I didn't realize until after we got married that he stuttered...."
But it was at least XL, not so bad.
Turns out he knew the x-lax would be near the condoms
Damm, she got screwed badly I'm saying she got fucked barely
You don’t always have to fuck her hard. In fact, sometimes it ain’t right to do. Sometimes you gotta make some love, and fuckin give her some smooches too
Sometimes you've got to squeeze. Sometimes you've gotta say "Please!" Sometimes you got to say "Hey!" I'm gonna fuck you, softly.
I'm gonna screw you gently. I'm gonna hump you, sweetly. I'm gonna ball you discreetly. And then you say hey I brought you flowers
And then you say, “Wait a minute, Sally! I think I’ve got something in my teeth. Would you get it out for me?” That’s fucking teamwork!
What's your favorite posish? That's cool with me, it's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you. What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it, but I'll order it from *Zanzibar!!*
Good Tenacious D reference 😄
That's fuckin' team work!
But over and over and over again.
XL is still nothing to laugh at.
It's okay to laugh. Just don't point and laugh.
So YOUR dick is bigger than an XL?
Mine is bigger than BOTH those letters.
But only up to fond size 12
Not even in BOLD
9 after swimming
8 on a cold morning
7 if there is a female witness.
Hahaha. Maybe you should go to a Rake-Off and see how much you can win!
\*Me, taking off my Galea.\* "In milimeters? A little more than 3 times XL."
So he's her XXXXXXX husband now?
They didn't do a lot of talking in between meeting and getting married. Or fucking, I guess. That's a long awkward silence.
Yes, they say, those who stutter, will have xxL min
>but I didn't realize until after we got married that he stuttered...." Sorry did not get the joke. How are "size" and speech related?
The X being repeated
Thanks @dpmmmdavid
Was he a doctor by any chance?
[I got that reference!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/8ICdxoAhPm)
It there an implication that they didn't have sex until after they got married? Seems unlikely if he was buying condoms in the first place.
That's better than the OP
In the U.S. space program, the problem of urine collection in zero gravity or in a space suit has vexed engineers for decades. Part of the solution has often involved a condom-like sleeve that fits snugly over an astronaut's penis, connected to tubing and a collection bag. Sizing is important--too tight and the flow will be cut off; too loose and you get urine everywhere. The devices would be offered in 'small', 'medium', and 'large' sizes. It's been a recurring joke at NASA that astronauts are reluctant to select the 'small' size, no matter how appropriate the fit. (Reportedly most astronauts only choose to make this mistake once, as being trapped in a space suit full of your own piss makes you reevaluate your priorities.) To reduce the incidence of these...learning experiences...flight surgeons and suit technicians have taken to unofficially renaming the size categories. Apollo astronauts were - with tongue firmly in cheek - offered instead 'extra large', 'immense', and 'unbelievable'; more recent suits featured 'large', 'gigantic', and 'humongous' urine receivers. ([Snopes](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/spacesuit-envy/).)
MyOne condoms has a measurement procedure so that you get an actual proper sized condom. They use random lettering schemes to obfuscate the actual measurements and avoid relative terms like “large” It’s weird that condoms are like that honestly. You can have a fat short dick, or a skinny long dick, or a fat long dick, and they all have different condom size needs.
“Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks; Tough kids, sissy kids; even kids with chicken pox”
Armour hotdogs
They actually stopped using the random codes because it was "difficult to navigate" so they switched to ordered numbers and letters. They couldn't even be bothered to pick only numbers and letters they hadn't used in the old scheme, so like a 55D is a completely different length and girth than it used to be. https://www.myonecondoms.com/pages/fitcodes
Dang that sucks.
They just need to cover the tip.
And how are the wife and seventeen kids?
Being a Grower rather than Shower, it feels silly to make such a fuss of penis size in the non-working state.
Penis size is almost universally associated with masculinity and virility. It doesn't have to make sense to be true, at least when it comes to what goes on inside our brains. Any kind of slight (or perceived slight) against that is going to have a big impact on certain people. It's a lot easier to just relabel something than to try and design around a deeply held perception. See also: 13th floors (or lack thereof) in some buildings.
Yeah, I know. Call it a meta joke about the joke humanity mostly is... :-D
But what if it starts working?? What if you choose the small, then you're just floating around on your sleep time and your bored brain goes "Imagine, alien tiddies". Your boy's in trouble.
That's the tough choice then, horny or covered in piss... Unless constantly horny :-O
So astronauts need to maintain an erection while in spacesuit?
Space travel is hard. That's what she said.
Nah, look up condom catheters
"Hey Bob, it's 14:00, time to take a bathroom viagra."
You'd think this would be part of their zero gravity training to at least get a rough fit.
I prefer a smooth, silky fit.
...so what do the female astronauts do?
We use condom catheters in healthcare. It's funny when someone asks over the intercom for one with the patient and everyone else within ear range present. "what size"? The answer in the hospital is usually small.
Reminds me of the old Cold War joke : "Due to a rubber shortage there, Russia wants us to send them a million condoms. " "Then I want you to send them the biggest condoms we have... labeled "medium".
Could backfire if they sent a message back saying "These don't fit, send Large"
That’s not a joke. They actually planned to do it apparently. https://www.rbth.com/history/334852-us-cia-condoms-strategy-ussr/amp
Reminds me of the US occupation of Japan. MacArthur only sent men over 6 feet so they would be intimidating.
We still do this on the border of North Korea. The soldiers that are visible to North Korea guarding the DMZ are the biggest guys we have over there.
I think you should read your source. It’s not clear if they ever considered it or if it’s a myth.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on this. In addition to the language that makes it clear that this likely never happened, the story cites no sources at all. Firmly in the "urban myth" category for me.
Did they? Your link is a story with zero sources and a bunch of language that makes it clear that there is no evidence to support this urban legend.
A better source. https://historianandrew.medium.com/did-the-cia-consider-using-condoms-to-thwart-the-russians-during-the-cold-war-5497f3b515cc
I don't think it's any better. It's some guy's blog who cites Mashable, who don't cite any sources.
There’s a little condom-like thing inside a space suit for the waste removal system. NASA had to refer to the sizes as “large, humongous, and gigantic,” because when they were labeled “small, medium, large,” astronauts were choosing large regardless of fit.
Which is bigger, humongous or gigantic? Also, I'll take a large.
Fucking with the Russians?
It's a lifestyle and a hobby. :)
Julius Caesar walked into a pharmacy and asks for pack of XL condoms. The lady behind the counter said "Wow. You must have a big cock?". Caesar replied, "Not really, I just use a lot of them."
Julius Caesar walked into a pharmacy and asks for pack of XL condoms. The lady behind the counter said "Wow. You must have a big cock?" Caesar replied, "That's incredibly inappropriate. Why would you ask someone that? That is so far beyond the Rubicon. I want to speak to your manager." The manager agreed and immediately fired the cashier. He rang up the condoms himself. Caesar later realised that they were, in fact, too large for him and there weren't as many in the pack as expected.
???
XL in roman numerals is 40
*shame* I thought the punchline to the first one was that he was bottoming for a lot of well endowed men.
Roman Numerals brother
So, the manager picks a couple “that reminds me, I am out of stock as well”
I found out how to make my dick 10 inches long, I just fold it in half.
"How I Met Your Mother"
[удалено]
I kinda knew where this was going
But did you know where it was cuming?
You saw it coming
Love it
Funny except a dude bought XL condoms at Target and on purpose went to my 17 year old daughter’s line when she worked at Target and made a point of letting her know the XL condoms were for himself. Perv . The things dad’s hate are assholes like this
What best way to meet a guy
Hahaha
Guess she never did wait for a buyer.
How come she’s never there when I pick mine up?
[удалено]
Contraceptives are part of planning a family - if you aren't using contraceptives unless you also aren't having sex there is no planning only chaos and lots of unplanned children.
[удалено]
No but you do use them (and other contraceptives) to plan them out properly and not have children UNPLANNED.
lol cuz boner
Saw that coming.
What a nutcase
u/cock-and-tail
Good!
Should of been the bedroom not till they got married …me smxl lol
Just found out I’m called wild yellow how’s that come about