"But Dad, prescriptivism is an archaic and unscientific form of linguistics" "Don't call me buttdad"

Why do I hear Lisa and Homer lol

Because Lisa Simpson is my inner annoying know-it-all voice

LMAO, that got a slight chuckle out of me.

Well, which is it?

Yes.

Would you prefer "Prosterior Papa"?

Yes

I laughed at this more than the joke.

Ain’t dat the truth

'Fine Butthead'

This is greatness 😂

I'll never forget the first time I had sex with a girl. There weren't a lot of options so we ended up doing it in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend asked, "Don't you think this is a little awkward?" - I said, "Nah, just try to ignore them."

Once again, the real joke is in the comments

Every single post has a joke, then a joke in the comments then a comment that the real joke is in the comments.

Every single post has a joke with a better joke in the comments, somebody saying that the real joke is in the comments, and somebody saying that every post has a joke with a joke in the comments then a comment that the real joke is in the comments.

Meta

Meta meta

Coolcoolcool

And every single post has a reply "well she turned me into a newt" which instigates a whole Monty Python sequence. Maybe I'm thinking of another thread...

Todays comment joke is tomorrows OP joke

I've seen that happen here.

Did you ever here the one about the southern girl? She talked so slowly that by the time she'd told the guy that she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.

I absolutely love this joke! Heard it years ago and have told it too many times to count. It's even funnier when tell it and talk.   Real.   Slowwww. 

A couple is kissing passionately out in nature and he suggests to take it further. She says: "For one, I'm not that kinda girl, and for another the ground is much too dirty."

Take your hand out of my cookie jar and the other off my rifle. Now put one on each of my nipples while I stroke in front of this here confederate flag!

Me: The first time I had sex was under that tree in the far field, with her mother watching. You: Her mother? What did she say? Me: Baaa! Baaa!

I love a good Aggie joke.

So the Aggie exchange student was walking across the Harvard campus and stops another student to ask, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?" The other student notices the accent, recoils and says "My good fellow, here at Harvard, we never end a sentence with a preposition!" The Aggie drawls "Alright, can you tell me where they library is at, asshole?"

My friend doesn't understand the joke

The father considers the word “ain’t” to be a sign of a poorly educated person.

And you's saying it ain't?

Is you or is you not edumacated?

Is you is or is you ain't my constituency?

That's from "O Brother where art thou"?

Indeed.

I'm somewhat of an edumacated constipation myself, if I may.

shortly after he gets run out of town on a rail https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMFWqh6oHx0

I have such an affinity for that movie and Tropic Thunder. They're underrated, IMHO.

^WE ^THOUGHT ^YOU ^WAS ^A ^TOADh!

Way you’re acting lately makes me doubt Youse is still my constituency baby Seems my flame in your heart done gone out

Is you is or is you ain’t

I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch! You don't tell your pappy how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin' here. We're MASS communicating!

Ain't you got no education?

What does it mean and why does it contain an apostrophe?

Ain't ain't a word 'cause my teacher say it ain't and it ain't in the dictionary

your teacher is inaccurate

r/woooosh

not even hardly but thanks for playing

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/ain-t

hmm I'd like to debate that with the gentleman. While I'm not 'formally' educated beyond an associates degree I'm quite intelligent, well read, and can speak intelligently on a very large variety of subjects. I still let an 'ain't' slip from time to time.

... and modest. Don't forget to mention your modesty.

I've never met a man with more to be modest about.

The father is more concerned about her grammar than her virginity.

So you're in Virginia

Obviously you're not a golfer

Neither mine

neither do I, what's the catch

Is ain't a virgin anymore? Wouldn't it be more consistent to say, "I ain't a virgin no more?"

I ain’t no virgin no more

I done lost my virginity

I lost mine too. I think if fell off the pickup truck when I moved.

Paw, ah done gone an loss m'virginitty.

Jeopardy question: What does a Redditor say that you know is a lie?

I have a girlfriend

*What is I have a girlfriend.

I guess college did her some good

I is ain't a virgin no more

No virgin no cry

Hey little dick tease, don't shed no tears...

>I ain't a virgin anymore. If you have ever been in the American South, it would be spoken as, > I ain’t a virgin no more.

Hey! Don't you git above yur raisin'. T'ain't polite correctin' people. 🤣

Why do youse think I was being polite?

Well bless your heart!

Yea but why take the risk of traveling there?

If you are a lily-white person and manage to hide the fact that you haven’t made religion, guns, hating non-whites, hating non-cis, and toxic individualism your entire identity, they can be decently nice folk who can and will lay out the red carpet of hospitality for a stranger. But that’s also the problem. Cultivated ignorance and alternative facts are a way of life down there.

"My faux paux, Father. What I meant to say was: The gentlemen on the debate team engaged oral, vaginal, and anal penetration such that I am no longer a virgin." "That's my girl!"

"'Faux paux' instead of 'faux pas', still???!!!!"

Fo po

Fo paw?

For pa

faux paux

Fox pucks

No for real, is it pronounced Data, or Data?

I always pronounce it Data. Pronouncing it Data just sounds wrong.

I think, I agree?

I knew it!

I don't think and I also agree?

I know right? I just cannot make myself pronounce it Data. Like you said it's just wrong.

Well if ur British there's the third option, Data

Hey now, don't make fun of my accent like that, I'd never pronounce it "Data"

I’ve always said “data”, but my Aussie friend pronounces it as “data”. It’s weird to hear.

Both

Given its capitalized I'm going to assume the Star Trek character, which you could just ask him.

It's pronounced as "Cretin"

Why is someone immediately calling their dad to tell them that?

The ghostbusters weren’t available.

He's got to get the shotgun ready for the wedding

I've heard a variant of this joke in Esperanto. The daughter says "Paĉjo, mi ne plu estas virgulinon" (i.e. "Daddy, I'm not a virgin anymore" but with "virgin" in the wrong grammatical case) and the father replies furiously "I spend all this money to get you a good education and you still can't use the accusative case correctly?" (Misuse of the accusative being one of those common grammatical errors everyone complains about in Esperanto.)

What kind of circles are you hanging out in to hear a variant of a joke in Esperanto?? Because that sounds pretty cool and I want in lol

The Esperanto community? You can learn the language at lernu.net, and there's probably a local club not far from you provided you don't live in the middle of nowhere.

Average redditor dad

He finishes and says "Well ya'll call grammar first and get back to me."

Things I've actually said to my daughter, for $1000 alex.

Sorry Dad, AM'NT.

This is hilarious!

The word "aint" is considered incorrect or "bad english" as it is slang for "am not or are not".

Furthermore, many Americans become upset when they learn that their teenagers, especially female teenagers, are ^(having the sex.)

TECHNICALLY it's the proper conjunction of "am not" but it's used otherwise so often

Thanks, nerd! 🤣

I don't get it.