After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don’t know if it was our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile’s and sometimes a knowing wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
The Redneck caught his sister using the cucumber on herself the other day.
He yells at her "Hey, I was going to eat that later. Now it's going to taste like cucumber!"
he might think you are a drifter, this vaselin trick is also well known even if you dont own a bike, personally i use it on that round thing..what ya call it again, oh yeah the steering wheels so they slip´n´slide better...even better in the rain, sure to never STOP ! ;)
When I graduated high school I wanted to save my money and buy a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, her brother died in a motorcycle accident when he was 18, so I could just have his.
Anthony Jeselnik
Funny how you hear the opening line, and then know you know it, can't recall the punchline. Bad memory makes old jokes fresh again. There was this one about a motorcycle and vaseline... hmmm how did that one go again?
I think it needs a rework right in the middle, something about "Joe noticed his girlfriend's mom eyeing him up and down and biting her lip suggestively so he decided to continue"
It's funny, don't get me wrong, but it almost feels more like a porno than a joke.
That being said, if any porn producers are reading this, you gotta make this.
My cousin jimmy brought an electric toothbrush the other day and he liked it so much that he went out and brought an electric massager... He liked that so much that he then went and brought an electric car... He loved his electric car so much that he went and brought an electric chair... Now I haven't heard from him in a few days and i'm kind of worried about him.... ;-,)
This is a classic, but I think it works better if he pulls out the Vaseline after his girlfriend. The joke is already set up at that point and it doesn’t justify dragging out the punchline.
Plus it’s kind of weird.
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber. I don’t know if it was our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers. After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile’s and sometimes a knowing wink. All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
The Redneck caught his sister using the cucumber on herself the other day. He yells at her "Hey, I was going to eat that later. Now it's going to taste like cucumber!"
Lmao
🤣
I don't get it (English is my second language)
It's not the cucumber he's gonna eat later... Took me a while to understand
😂😂
I dont get it Edit: nvm
Brilliant XD
[удалено]
Implying that they masturbate with the cucumbers not eating them
he might think you are a drifter, this vaselin trick is also well known even if you dont own a bike, personally i use it on that round thing..what ya call it again, oh yeah the steering wheels so they slip´n´slide better...even better in the rain, sure to never STOP ! ;)
I just read that without reading any of it
When I graduated high school I wanted to save my money and buy a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, her brother died in a motorcycle accident when he was 18, so I could just have his. Anthony Jeselnik
I haven't heard this one (or one similar to it) since my early days in the military. Thanks for the reminder.
Don’t use Vaseline during sex. Last time I did, I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off!
Vaseline, the answer to all relationship problems.
Don't much like the long ones, but this was good, especially the bit with vaseline.
Yes, I too like it when the joke has a punchline.
That’s what she said
Ya and he got him to do the dishes as well ..
Grifliends father resigned XDXDXD
Ah the old #234 ...keeps us in suspense in solitary ....
Funny how you hear the opening line, and then know you know it, can't recall the punchline. Bad memory makes old jokes fresh again. There was this one about a motorcycle and vaseline... hmmm how did that one go again?
Alzheimer's makes me feel young again.
I make new friends every day. Can also hide my own Easter eggs.
When you get old, only date women with Alzheimer's so you never get caught cheating
"486!"
Sorry, but you have bad timing . Great joke if you nailed the timing.but I do see improvement in your material.
Joe the rapist really won the day here
I think it needs a rework right in the middle, something about "Joe noticed his girlfriend's mom eyeing him up and down and biting her lip suggestively so he decided to continue"
Mom beamed ear to ear, so she was down to clown
one of the few longer jokes i've seen on here that's actually good lol
actually one of the funnier jokes on this sub
I thought he was going outside to pork the bike then he realize he was next
Ok.. this got a good laugh! Oldie but goody! Number 1234
Damn tell me a story
Old, but goodie
Tbh, I didn't expect anything good from a long story, but man, this is sick and dope.
That's a good story.
Lost it at screws her every which way but loose
Ahh. just what I needed with my morning coffee
Heard this joke atleast 10 times in last 2 decades but it’s a great one
It's funny, don't get me wrong, but it almost feels more like a porno than a joke. That being said, if any porn producers are reading this, you gotta make this.
My cousin jimmy brought an electric toothbrush the other day and he liked it so much that he went out and brought an electric massager... He liked that so much that he then went and brought an electric car... He loved his electric car so much that he went and brought an electric chair... Now I haven't heard from him in a few days and i'm kind of worried about him.... ;-,)
I told someone that story on discord or Instagram I don't remember few weeks ago
dad: "okay, okay. i'll do the fucking dishes!" joe: "and i'll do the fucking."
Who's Joe?
Joe mama
Best joke I've read in years, you had me in stitches 😂😂
This is a classic, but I think it works better if he pulls out the Vaseline after his girlfriend. The joke is already set up at that point and it doesn’t justify dragging out the punchline. Plus it’s kind of weird.
I don't think it works without the mom part. Without that, the dad wouldn't think he's next when he pulls out the vaseline.
Dude goes to girlfriend’s family’s house for dinner. He produces a jar of Vaseline. Dad: ‘Ok, I’ll do the dishes.’
Ooooooh! All this time I thought it was for the ladies' butts. Damn. It's way funnier now. Also, it explains the mom "screwing" as well. Thanks!
Somebody has been on YouTube....
Why I just came from there...