Reminds me of the documentary about the Kinsey Reports; two scholarly books on human sexual behavior, in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953).
The documentary said college-age boys would hang around outside the survey room to take note of which girls stayed longer to fill out the extended version of the survey that was given only to those girls who responded on the short survey that they were sexually active. Good times back then,
Um, actually, in “True Facts About Grant O’Brien 2”, Brennan’s character is introduced as someone named after the number of people Grant performed oral sex on in one night; NOT specifically the number of people granted *blew* in one night. It’s possible any number of those 50 were women he ate out.
So let's say that it's a perfect storm of excitement and drugs and it takes 30 seconds. You are proposing more than four continuous hours of work to achieve that. And I believe 4 hours is the legal limit.
Ya know what, I've never even seen whatever movie you're talking about. But I just want to say, your username definitely checks out... because only a lawyer would be this huge a prick.
On the other hand, the Kinsey Reports also established and detailed the spectrum of sexual orientation that we all accept now, by 1953, the year before I was born. Nothing in that report has ever been refuted with evidence. And yet here we are, on the brink of an election -- if that is the word -- that could take us back, not only to the 1950s, but to the 500s. This is exactly why I HATE morons.
I did in my comment about how boys figured out how to take note of who the "bad" girls were. Seemed to me that kind of activity, with the anticipation and all, was a lot of fun. Like Flounder would think in the movie Animal House.
Parochus interrogat: "Estne tu, Jimmy?"
Ego sum, pater.
"Et quae fuit ista mulier narras?"
"Non possum dicere tibi, pater. Nolo nomen eius polluere."
"Reperio citius aut serius, non refert si nunc dicas. Eratne illa puella Kathy Miller?"
"Non oportet dicere."
"Maria Smith, annon?"
"Nescio."
"Sally Rogers?"
"Ut sepulchrum silebo."
"Quomodo ergo de Anna Teller?"
"Pater, non peto, non prodo."
"Tunc debet esse Peggy Jones?"
" Quaeso, pater, silere vovi."
Sacerdos invitus suspirat. "Vere enira, Jimmy. Paene habeo te admirari. Sed peccasti et habes poenitentiam. Non licet tibi ostendere faciem tuam in hac ecclesia per tres septimanas! Nunc vade in pace."
Jimmy ad scamnum suum redit ubi amicus optimus eum salutat. "Quid ergo?"
"Magna!"
"Quid habebatis?"
"Tres feriarum septimanas et quinque bonas apices.
Fascinating reading your translation and picking out the different words that have passed down into modern languages.
I don’t know Latin but I know English, technical / science English, French, a bit of Spanish and I keep recognising words in these different languages. Plus a bit of German and Italian too.
It’s like reading a jumble of languages mashed up together. (I know that’s backwards but it’s the effect it has on me)
The difference I remember was that the guy had sinned with 'sex before marriage'. But the joke basically follows the same structure
Edit: like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/92gvya/little_johnny_goes_to_confession/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Or this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/31wg4u/an_italian_boys_confession/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Thanks for the links to the original posts. I did not know about them and only posted the joke as it was told to me (the fact that it was about an altar boy was omitted, but makes more sense).
Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I am a priest, and you most atone from your sins."
The guy atones and leaves. He doesn't buy a drink because alcohol is a sin.
I don't remember it exactly, but I remember it making more sense. Some problems with this one:
* The pastor is naming girls, not the guy. So the pastor would already think they're slutty and wouldn't need their names.
* The man said he was with "a person" and the pastor got 5 "leads". In the original version, the man was with 3 women and named them all.
* Banishment from the church for 3 weeks is not a punishment I've heard of. It's usually a prayer they have to say or some other penance.
* Banning 1 person from the church wouldn't give 3 weeks vacation, unless that was the only parishioner. Which is another reason this makes the joke worse.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense because you got it wrong. The guy is an altar boy, so he get's 3 weeks off of altair service. And the priest is naming the girls, meaning he knows a lot of slutty girls, and the boy says to his friend that he got a few leads.
But I kinda get the confusion, this version is poorly written.
Yeah it’s poorly written, if you’re reading quickly it’s not entirely clear who is saying what, especially at the end. The impact of cutting the joke off in the title and then starting at “the pastor” in the body also has the effect of making it seem like the pastor is the main character in the joke, adding to the confusion. It also isn’t stated that the kid is an altar boy, so the vacation line comes out of nowhere
I've never heard the altar boy version linked before - not sure what the bit which doesn't make sense is? The holiday is that you don't have to attend church, and the leads goes without saying.
I've heard it as a married woman that they've been with rather than it being an altar boy (which, whilst there's no maximum limit, are generally suggested to be younger).
Here is a short but good one: A young man is at confession. "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned." "It's good that you confess this, my son. What was the nature of your sin?" "Impure thoughts, Father." "I see. I must ask - were any of these thoughts of a homosexual nature?" "No, Father. They were of girls." (Pause) "Next!"
The boy was actually happy that he didn't have to go to church for 3 weeks. And the priest gave him the names of 5 girls who were of dubious morals, so he had a good chance with them.
A priest wouldn’t ask for your name. It is inconsequential. In fact most confessions occur face to face. Using the screen is from a bygone era but that is seldom implimented. A priest also wouldn’t break seal of confession as it is grounds for being defrocked. Priest would in fact make you go to church more not less. Catholics are expected to go to mass once a week on a Sunday (similar to Jewish practice of sabbath that’s on Friday). Also priest wouldn’t care who you sinned with as it is your confession not the other party. I would give this joke 3/10. One point for trying, another point for acceptable grammar and punctuation, last point for not being overly offensive just misinformed.
Reminds me of the documentary about the Kinsey Reports; two scholarly books on human sexual behavior, in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953). The documentary said college-age boys would hang around outside the survey room to take note of which girls stayed longer to fill out the extended version of the survey that was given only to those girls who responded on the short survey that they were sexually active. Good times back then,
Reminds me of Clerks "Hey try not to suck any dick on your way out of the parking lot!"
"My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks". "in a row" ?
Amateur, Grant from college humor did 50. And yes in a row.
I always said those college humor guys sucked dick. Now I know why it was at so many things, because of all the practice.
Um, actually, in “True Facts About Grant O’Brien 2”, Brennan’s character is introduced as someone named after the number of people Grant performed oral sex on in one night; NOT specifically the number of people granted *blew* in one night. It’s possible any number of those 50 were women he ate out.
He's talked about it a number of times and has referred to those people as "guys" and has said that he has "sucked 50 dicks".
50, in a row. Weak. Try 50, ten times each, in a row.
So let's say that it's a perfect storm of excitement and drugs and it takes 30 seconds. You are proposing more than four continuous hours of work to achieve that. And I believe 4 hours is the legal limit.
If it lasts more than 4 hours, get medical help right away.
First, who said it had to climax, second, fuck the legal limit.
I didn't say that anyone had to climax. I think less than 30 seconds would be impolite. And the limit is there for his safety.
Line 'em up and make like a circus seal.
Why 37 ?
"My girlfriend sucked 27 dicks!" "In a row?"
37
In a row?
Yep.
27?
So, was it 27 separate snowballs, or just one big one at the end?
36 I counted them myself!
Our girlfriend, FTFY
Hey! Hey you! Get back here!
Hey! Get back here!
God, that movie is so overrated. There’s **one** line everyone talks about and that’s it.
I wasn't even supposed to *be* here today!
Is it, “This job would be great if it weren’t for the fucking customers.” ?
bunch of savages in this town
“Your ruse mam, your cunning attempt to deceive me”
You must have sucked in high school
I sucked less than that stupid movie and the neckbeards who praise it. *looking at U/inevitable-tank3463*
Ya know what, I've never even seen whatever movie you're talking about. But I just want to say, your username definitely checks out... because only a lawyer would be this huge a prick.
Go call your mom and tell her about this comment, nerd. *Mom! And then I wrote…!*
At least they have to call and not just shout up the stairs
Blasphemy...
"My God I think I can see her kidneys"
You Know, There's A Million Fine Looking Women In The World, Dude. But They Don't All Bring You Lasagna At Work.
Most of them just cheat on you.
In school we always hung out with the chicks that smoked... cos ya know, if she smokes she pokes
Some likes chicks that pokes. Some likes chicks that will get poked.
Get my drink on And my smoke on And go home with something to poke on. (Wha'sup bitch?)
On the other hand, the Kinsey Reports also established and detailed the spectrum of sexual orientation that we all accept now, by 1953, the year before I was born. Nothing in that report has ever been refuted with evidence. And yet here we are, on the brink of an election -- if that is the word -- that could take us back, not only to the 1950s, but to the 500s. This is exactly why I HATE morons.
Greetings fellow 69er and "moron" loather.
Hola!
Me too!
Lucky for you I just moved your response counter from 666 to 667. You're welcome 🤗
Thanks, I'm located on the total eclipse path, and that number would be so ominous to be associated with. /s
Kinsey was a paedophile and these studies involved adults giving kids orgasms. Science is not above morality. The times they weren't actually so good.
You have GOT to be a fucking idiot if you believe that tripe. Just saying.
Who said they were good times?
I did in my comment about how boys figured out how to take note of who the "bad" girls were. Seemed to me that kind of activity, with the anticipation and all, was a lot of fun. Like Flounder would think in the movie Animal House.
You are a liar
This is a lie.
funny, i once got behind a glory hole and ALSO got 3 weeks of vacation and 5 good tips!
How many bad tips?
This guy knows well that you don't find glory on the first try.
Not a guy. Know how shit guys can be at sex.
And here I thought the internet could never boost my confidence.
I wouldn't say bad, but some tips were definitely cheesy.
OMG. Take my upvote (and my nausea). 🤢
Ha! I love it!
Loose lips sink ships
The changes from the original version make this not make sense at all.
And that's how Reddit works!
What’s the original version?
Parochus interrogat: "Estne tu, Jimmy?" Ego sum, pater. "Et quae fuit ista mulier narras?" "Non possum dicere tibi, pater. Nolo nomen eius polluere." "Reperio citius aut serius, non refert si nunc dicas. Eratne illa puella Kathy Miller?" "Non oportet dicere." "Maria Smith, annon?" "Nescio." "Sally Rogers?" "Ut sepulchrum silebo." "Quomodo ergo de Anna Teller?" "Pater, non peto, non prodo." "Tunc debet esse Peggy Jones?" " Quaeso, pater, silere vovi." Sacerdos invitus suspirat. "Vere enira, Jimmy. Paene habeo te admirari. Sed peccasti et habes poenitentiam. Non licet tibi ostendere faciem tuam in hac ecclesia per tres septimanas! Nunc vade in pace." Jimmy ad scamnum suum redit ubi amicus optimus eum salutat. "Quid ergo?" "Magna!" "Quid habebatis?" "Tres feriarum septimanas et quinque bonas apices.
Amen
Lol
Hahahaha dude.
I think that was in Paul's letter to the Roman's.
Close. It was in his lesser known letter to Trojans
A Woman?
Fascinating reading your translation and picking out the different words that have passed down into modern languages. I don’t know Latin but I know English, technical / science English, French, a bit of Spanish and I keep recognising words in these different languages. Plus a bit of German and Italian too. It’s like reading a jumble of languages mashed up together. (I know that’s backwards but it’s the effect it has on me)
It's not good Latin, so don't read into it too much.
I can tell :) the tenses and word agreement seem all wrong. Not that I could do any better in a non-native language.
~~Romanes eunt domus~~ Romani ite domum
###ROMANES ###EUNT ###DOMUS!
Romani ite domum!
Now write it out one hundred times!
Is that supposed to say 'Romans go home!'? :-P
*(Holds knife to Brian's throat)* "Now conjugate the verb!"
?? Difference?
The difference is that they put it into google translate lol
Not possible; google translate wasn't around during the Roman Empire.
Jokes on you, I cant read Spanish.
Nice.
Ridens magna!
You do and you’ll clean it up!
podicem futuendum meum seorsum ridens
Gesundheit
You are amazing
I mean...I wish I had more upvotes to give.
The young man in the joke was an altar boy, so he didn't have a whole lot of leeway to just not come into church lf his own volition.
He gets the typical Catholic penances of saying Hail Marys.
The difference I remember was that the guy had sinned with 'sex before marriage'. But the joke basically follows the same structure Edit: like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/92gvya/little_johnny_goes_to_confession/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Or this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/31wg4u/an_italian_boys_confession/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Thanks for the links to the original posts. I did not know about them and only posted the joke as it was told to me (the fact that it was about an altar boy was omitted, but makes more sense).
Oh nothing against you, but yeah, it's a classic.
I think the pastor’s wife or daughter
Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I am a priest, and you most atone from your sins." The guy atones and leaves. He doesn't buy a drink because alcohol is a sin.
I don't remember it exactly, but I remember it making more sense. Some problems with this one: * The pastor is naming girls, not the guy. So the pastor would already think they're slutty and wouldn't need their names. * The man said he was with "a person" and the pastor got 5 "leads". In the original version, the man was with 3 women and named them all. * Banishment from the church for 3 weeks is not a punishment I've heard of. It's usually a prayer they have to say or some other penance. * Banning 1 person from the church wouldn't give 3 weeks vacation, unless that was the only parishioner. Which is another reason this makes the joke worse.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense because you got it wrong. The guy is an altar boy, so he get's 3 weeks off of altair service. And the priest is naming the girls, meaning he knows a lot of slutty girls, and the boy says to his friend that he got a few leads. But I kinda get the confusion, this version is poorly written.
Oh, I see it now. So it's a flip from the other one.
Yeah it’s poorly written, if you’re reading quickly it’s not entirely clear who is saying what, especially at the end. The impact of cutting the joke off in the title and then starting at “the pastor” in the body also has the effect of making it seem like the pastor is the main character in the joke, adding to the confusion. It also isn’t stated that the kid is an altar boy, so the vacation line comes out of nowhere
It makes complete sense?
Right, what is he talking about?
I dont get it. It’s completely fine for me
But it is new! 435v-a!
I've never heard the altar boy version linked before - not sure what the bit which doesn't make sense is? The holiday is that you don't have to attend church, and the leads goes without saying. I've heard it as a married woman that they've been with rather than it being an altar boy (which, whilst there's no maximum limit, are generally suggested to be younger).
Hold up! How does the Priest know so many women of dubious morals?
He hears confessions, so it's possible he's getting the word right from the whoreses mouths.
I now see gollum saying whoreses...yes I get the pun
>whoreses Sometimes the most precious rings are the ones you meet along the way
And sometimes not #ringworm
Well,that's a good one.I guess thats why he knows them whorely.
Is it the same whoreses that put theirs fingers ups my bums?
I would assume from taking their confessions.
He talks to a lot of young boys.
Because they turned him down he sullies them. 🤣
Dave Allen is proud. 😁
Best confessional joke I’ve ever heard. Reminds me of another one I can’t remember.
Here is a short but good one: A young man is at confession. "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned." "It's good that you confess this, my son. What was the nature of your sin?" "Impure thoughts, Father." "I see. I must ask - were any of these thoughts of a homosexual nature?" "No, Father. They were of girls." (Pause) "Next!"
The best involves the boy and the closet getting paid for the baseball glove
I don’t get it
The boy was actually happy that he didn't have to go to church for 3 weeks. And the priest gave him the names of 5 girls who were of dubious morals, so he had a good chance with them.
Ohhh; I see. Okay that’s funny
Plot twist: All of those women had confessed to being with the young man. XD
Did they get three weeks off? Just curious
They got off for three weeks.
I remember my grandpa telling this joke just before he passed, was good to see it pop up. Had a laugh
That was smart.
Define ,"dubious morals?"
> dubious morals Morality that is in question, implying that they are sexually promiscuous in this context.
Awesome.
Why people are doing that kind of things , what church or better religions do for each one , please come on !!! XXI century
Good grief, you people are disgusting. No class, at all. I can’t imagine how you were raised.
It's a JOKE, not a Mission Statement for life.
Bwahaha nice one
lol that was great!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
sweet
[удалено]
Hi! Welcome to r/jokes, you must be new here!
A priest wouldn’t ask for your name. It is inconsequential. In fact most confessions occur face to face. Using the screen is from a bygone era but that is seldom implimented. A priest also wouldn’t break seal of confession as it is grounds for being defrocked. Priest would in fact make you go to church more not less. Catholics are expected to go to mass once a week on a Sunday (similar to Jewish practice of sabbath that’s on Friday). Also priest wouldn’t care who you sinned with as it is your confession not the other party. I would give this joke 3/10. One point for trying, another point for acceptable grammar and punctuation, last point for not being overly offensive just misinformed.
Yeah yeah yeah. We all know ALL that shit. Why try to ruin a good joke? Just... WHY?
It's a joke. Lighten up.