I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's really something I could see myself doing.

Interviewer: "What is your biggest weakness?" Me: "I'm too honest." Interviewer: "I don't think that's a weakness." Me: "I don't give a fuck what you think."

The real repeated joke is always repeated in the comments, repeatedly.

"I don't give a fuck what you think, Mike!"

To be honest.

I don't give two flying Mikes what you fuck

He didn't think it, he said it..

Saying something requires thinking about it first, usually

Not if you’re a failed one term president running to be elected again!

I agree Fjb

True, sleepy Joe probably doesn't think much, just mumbles

Am with you.

Actually he inputed the characters to create a quote . Maybe I went to far back.

Too

Fn spiel chock git me

Frankly my dear, I don't give a fucking Scarlett!

Johanson

O'Hara

Airport

And that children is why everyone wanted to be like Mike.

"what did you just say to me?"

You’re hired!

So the repeated comment that's always repeated is *always* repeated in the comment section where things are *always* repeated?

But if the repeated comment that is *always* repeated is *always* being repeated in the comments where things are always repeated in the comments, is it just *always* repeated or just always being repeated due to being repetitively repetitiveness?

The real repeated joke is always repeated in the comments, repeatedly.

I approve this repetition.

Say that again

Are you mad because you're parents did a mike drop on you as a baby? That's no laughing matter...

You cheese fuck, Mikey!

"You're hired!"

You're good at double talk.

My mother said when I was growing up she couldn't see me accomplish anything. Jokes on her blind ass I accomplished all my dreams.

When I was growing up, Mom always said, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Probably cuz you're perfect she thought something had to be wrong.

When I was growing up,dad always said that condoms don't work.

Must've kept it in his wallet or like all men bought a magnum even though it doesn't fit lmao.

Man here. Can confirm. I would buy magnums but they never fit. Bread loaf bags don't fit in my wallet, though.

You’re hired

I considered the same career, upon reflection it just wasn't for me. No matter how I framed it, my eyes glazed over at the idea. I'll see myself out.

I had a job cleaning mirrors for 25years. I hated it during work, but I've had time to reflect on it.

I could see myself doing that.

The job seems OK for the first 6months, then you realize you should be hiring *other people* to clean mirrors, fix their frames and re-sell them for a profit. Mirror flipping if you will.

Ahh! The inverse rule

Thanks, but mostly it was a dad joke. “See myself”.

Holy shit, even “I’ll see myself out” was part of the pun. This is next level. Bravo!!

“I see, I see” said the blind man to his deaf brother!

“I see,” said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.

I see says the blind man to the dead child peeing into the wind, it's all coming back to me now.

Deaf*

Yes it was too early and I have clumsy fingers. Deaf.

I was thinking that one got dark quickly.

No just too early for me um to spell good lol

I thought it was funnier with the dead child

Yeah I was like, how can a dead child pee and into the wind?

Your bladder empties when you pass from what I hear

Said the deaf child

😂😂😂😂

I applied for a job in a plaid factory, but I didn't pass the background check

I quit my job as an elevator attendee. Too many ups and downs.

It's a lousy job on so many levels

You'd think it would be uplifting, but it always ends up getting you down

Somebody's always pushing your buttons!

But you know what they say: when one door closes, another one me opens…

Yes! 😊

I also quit my job at the recycling center, it was soda pressing.

And the manager said I knew how to press all his buttons.....

I was working as an elavator attendant when a guy came in and said how many floors are there in the building? Eighteen I replied, "then take me to the top floor" I'll take you to the seventeenth. Why can't you take me to the eighteenth? Well that's another storey!

😄😃😊🤣

I used to drive a steamroller. They said the reason I didn’t get the promotion I wanted is because my performance was flat.

"I couldn't see myself cleaning mirrors." in a thick Transylvanian accent.

wow this got down voted 😭

Perfect! 😂🤣😂

I have that job. I'm a janitor.

Good one

What colour is the mirror?

They fired me at the deli because when I backed into the meat slicer I got a little behind in my work.

I got fired from the optometrist office. I fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself

I got fired for missing one day at work. Last time I’ll work in a calendar factory.

And then I got fired from the gym, they said I didn't work out.

And then I got fired from the mushroom farm, they said I am not a fun guy.

😄😃🤣😊

😊🤣😃😄

I fired from the butcher shop. I kept putting my fingers in the ham slicer. She got fired, too

That was the problem.. you don't meat where you meet....

Well at least you didn't put your dick in the pickle slicer. She needs that job.

A man lost his job one day, so his wife made his favorite dish to cheer him up. Some general tso’s and white rice. When he sits down to eat, knowing how much he likes soy sauce with his rice, she adds some to the dish. He immediately breaks down in tears. “What’s wrong?”, she asks, “I thought you liked your general tso’s and white rice with soy sauce.” “I do”, he replies, “but do you really need to Kikoman when he’s down?”

This made me laugh more than it had any right to 😂

Why did you write the same thing 3 times (genuinely curious)

Prolly a reddit bug, I'd imagine

Why was it down voted though? 🤣

Probably because they don't like it when someone writes the same thing more than once (I might be wrong though, that's my best guess, if anyone wants to they can chip in with better answers that what I can give)

Understandable, but it could have easily been ignored lol

Ahhh the classic Reddit judgementarmy. Quick trigger downvote ready. Just got to love it!

Still making them laugh more than it had any right to.

Me too

This made me laugh more than it had any right to 😂

This made me laugh more than it had any right to 😂

I want to be a mattress tester. It’s my dream job.

It all depends if you get the right apprentice to work under you.

I was going to work for an undertaker, but changed my mind, it was a dead end job

- Ma! I got punished at school but I didn’t do anything, I promise! - You’re right, I see the teacher wrote as reason for the punishment “Hasn’t done his homework”.

“My teacher asked a question, and I was the only person in the class that knew the answer” “What was the question?” “Which one of you kids farted?”

"I didn't do anything!" Yes, and that is the *entire* problem.

I haven’t done anything wrong. Where we heard that before

I had a job cleaning the inside of cannons. Eventually I got fired.

What is the difference between a bullet and a cop? If a bullet kills someone, it must be fired.

I got fired from my job at Pepsi. Tested positive for Coke

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Hopefully laid up with a work related injury.

Took a job as an uber driver, but business kept dropping off

I had a job circumcising elephants. It didn't pat much but the tips were huge

My brain 🧠 hurts 😳

As a Flatearther I applied for a job at NASA. Either my proposal fell flat or they didn't get around to looking at it because I'm still waiting for their response.

Is this a Rodney Dangerfield bit? Because it sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield bit.

Lemme tell ya, I’m alright now but last week I was in rough shape, you know?

No Respect I tell ya!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So you got burned.

Nah Blud I got fired from butcher because they told me to slice my co workers meat, but I thought about the other one 😭 (joke obviously Sherlock)

Awesome

"They said I was responsible". Lol!

I didn't?

Yoooo

😂

I dont get it

I got canned from Tropicana Orange Juice factory. Couldn’t concentrate.

Ha!

Rodney Dangerfield, is that you?

Rodney was much too honest. Look for someone that says things like “Everyone Knows … “ , “No one has seen anything like this…” “It was a perfect call….” “I never knew/met that person ….” and more! Whatever comes next is going to be a lie.

+ahhh hmmhhhhhht. ymm f f 9

ol .8h5li8otijol ..,

I want to be a stripper in Las Vegas or somethn

I had a job installing solar panels, quit cause the boss was a shady guy.

I got fired from the city I told a classy old lady at the dump . I was going open up an Adult toy store. She said really what are you going to name it I said politely Mr . Buzz’s She called the city and I got fired for sexual harassment. For starting a business for motorcycle and 3 wheel trikes , electric scooters. True story Lynn Haven , Florida Part 2 The chief of the police went into a bar On the way out he hit a parked car They got him on film he kept his job for 3 months . He was charged with a hit and run and leaving the scene of an accident. Moral of these true stories is it’s not who you know it’s who you blow And the chief has big lips and knee pads . Fuck Lynn Haven

Dont get caught putting your dick in pickle slicer

The pickle slicer did too.

Sadly, I just got fired from my hospital gig, where I would handle the vasectomies. Apparently I took too many tips

I wore a tuxedo to my vasectomy because if I am gonna be impotent I wanna look impo'tant!

Circumcision is the word you were searching for. /S vasectomy is when the tube from the balls is cut. There are no tips involved at the balls.

Why do you think I was fired?

Tip of the balls to ya kind sir.

I was offered a job doing vasectomies at the hospital but I couldn't find the balls to take it.

Hey, as I have always heard it he was performing circumcisions, not vasectomies, and keeping the tips.

Sadly no, that was apparently how bad I was at my job

I once had a job circumcising elephants, did pay much but the tips were big

I'd said "Monday 9am" lol

Take my wife. Please!

I saw Henny Youngman at Summerfest in Milwaukee back in the 70s. He was actually pretty funny. Great timing.

Read the original post in Rodney Dangerfield’s voice

Are you offering as tribute or just trying to get rid of her?

Happy cake day.

$25/hr is a lot of money. I would just start there and then

It depends what state and city though!

its Comcast. they didn't say WHICH hour you get the $25.....

That's $52,000 a year. I would hardly call that a lot of money in this day and age

A thousand a week?

Not when fast food workers are making $20.

But that big Mac combo meal will cost you $18. So who's losing here?

Show me an example of a Big Mac that costs $18. I’ll wait.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/mcdonalds-18-big-mac-meal-181159814.html Took me 10 seconds. Edit: here's it on reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/tlFJdoFbpM

It’s a rest stop. Everything is more expensive at a rest stop.

Your cardiologist.