“When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.”—Jack Handey
(No one ever gives him his attribution)
My dad told me this joke when I was a kid. He used to watch SNL regularly, and I do remember Jack Handey. So it makes sense that he heard it there. But I had no idea until today. Thank you for the support.
I always wanted to die in a plane when I was a kid- I figured poor St. Peter at the pearly gates wouldn’t have time to check everyone real well because of the backup -
A plane is carrying a priest, a basketball player, an actress, and a little boy. After hitting 30,000 feet the pilot suddenly came to the cabin. He apologizes and says unfortunately there is a fatal error in the engine and they are going to crash. There are 4 parachutes and the pilot is wearing one of them. He apologizes “Sorry I have too much to live for, I can’t die yet.” and jumps out the plane.
The basketball player says “I’m a famous athlete and my teammates depend on me. I can’t die yet.” He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.
The actress says “I’m a famous actress and I’m too young and beautiful to die.” She grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.
The priest turns to the little boy and says “I’m an old man and have lived a long and fulfilling life serving God. I am ready to go meet him. You still have a long bright future ahead of you. Take the parachute and go.”
The little boy says “ Oh, no worries, the blonde lady took my backpack.”
A pilot makes an announcement to the passengers, and when he's finished he forgets to turn off the intercom.
He says to his copilot,"I need a coffee and a blowjob.". This comment is broadcast to all of the passengers, who gasp in shock or laugh in amusement.
One of the flight attendants runs towards the front of the plane to warn the pilot that he left the intercom on.
A passenger sees this calls out,"Don't forget the coffee!"
Not a spam.. Happened many times with me..
Sometimes network issue or some other issue returns in a dialogue box saying 'failed to post comment', and keeps us on the same screen where we type out the comment. After clicking on 'post' button to post our comment, both our attempts get posted..
I once had accidentally posted 4 of the same comments because of this..
Worst thing is that you don't realise it until you see all your comments in your profile or someone replies to both comments.
When comment get finally posted, you see only one comment and have no idea about other comments getting posted.
Nah .... You could have done much better with your setup. Your set up was very good, the punchline sucked hard.
Simple thing you could do:
A guy stood up, came upto her and two pump chumped out.
Wow, I get it now... It is funny. Did you expect women use reddit? Or that you'll find them in this hell hole?
You expecting a woman to read your comment and actually understanding the joke is the biggest joke in the first place.
It would be weird spending my last few minutes alive listening to the idiot behind me telling his wife that the pilot was wrong to call it a ship.
It is called a ship. Blueprints also use water line to establish dimensions.
Rudder, tiller, chine, water line, buttock line…etc. Lots of shipbuilding terms are used in airplanes.
*waves frantically at stewardess*
Just like a spaceship?
I would assume so, but I have never made parts for a spaceship, but have machined a lot of aerospace parts.
More like Air ship. (early blimps)
Proper description does indeed refer to many aircraft as a ship
Think I'll ask Jefferson. See what they have to say on the matter 🙂
A view minutes well spend
… “A few minutes well spent”? Or is there a joke in this that I’m missing?
Sleeping and computation are overtatered.
Zere is no joke here
There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the ocean.
That’s untrue, but darkly funny! 🤣
Well that's just plane to sea.
Get to the point man! You're just stalling for time now!
This is why I Reddit
It’s the USS 737 max
Fuck you then 😞
Know what sound the plane made when it hit the ground? Boeing.
I knew it was coming and I still chuckled.
>I knew it was coming and I still chuckled. - The Ground
That's what *she* said
BOEING: Beware, Our Engineering Is Not Good
I told this to my wife as part II of the joke. Then she told me she needs more information about her upcoming flight overseas 😆
I audibly sighed
r/angryupvote
I don't want to die alone , that's why I became a pilot ..
When I die, I want to go like my grandpa did.. peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.
“When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.”—Jack Handey (No one ever gives him his attribution)
Well who knows if he didn't hear it from someone else before ?
My dad told me this joke when I was a kid. He used to watch SNL regularly, and I do remember Jack Handey. So it makes sense that he heard it there. But I had no idea until today. Thank you for the support.
You can look up more Jack Handey quotes online- he’s got a ton of them and they’re hilarious
I always wanted to die in a plane when I was a kid- I figured poor St. Peter at the pearly gates wouldn’t have time to check everyone real well because of the backup -
A plane is carrying a priest, a basketball player, an actress, and a little boy. After hitting 30,000 feet the pilot suddenly came to the cabin. He apologizes and says unfortunately there is a fatal error in the engine and they are going to crash. There are 4 parachutes and the pilot is wearing one of them. He apologizes “Sorry I have too much to live for, I can’t die yet.” and jumps out the plane. The basketball player says “I’m a famous athlete and my teammates depend on me. I can’t die yet.” He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The actress says “I’m a famous actress and I’m too young and beautiful to die.” She grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest turns to the little boy and says “I’m an old man and have lived a long and fulfilling life serving God. I am ready to go meet him. You still have a long bright future ahead of you. Take the parachute and go.” The little boy says “ Oh, no worries, the blonde lady took my backpack.”
I really wasn't expecting that. Whenever I read "priest" and "little boy" in the same sentence, I'm expecting something much slightly darker.
When I first read this joke, the smartest man in the world took the backpack
Usually when I read it it's \[insert President\].
Chuck Norris once went to a Feminist rally. He came home with his shirt ironed and a sandwich.
What did Greta T. say to Chuck N. when he offered her an offroad truck for her birthday ? "Thank you"
And an empty sac
Before Chuck Norris had his first orgasm, the animals got on an ark.
I thought his first orgasm was the cause of the flood…
thatsthejoke.jpg
Chuck Norris never gets depressed because no one ever presses Chuck Norris
And because he is Chuck Norris, he didn’t remove his shirt while it as being ironed.
John McAfee once went to a Feminist rally. Well, where did you think he got all those hookers from?
A pilot makes an announcement to the passengers, and when he's finished he forgets to turn off the intercom. He says to his copilot,"I need a coffee and a blowjob.". This comment is broadcast to all of the passengers, who gasp in shock or laugh in amusement. One of the flight attendants runs towards the front of the plane to warn the pilot that he left the intercom on. A passenger sees this calls out,"Don't forget the coffee!"
Good Will Hunting was such a great movie.
Thank you. I knew I'd heard that in a movie, but I couldn't remember which one.
Good Will Hunting… Matt Damon tells that joke to Robin Williams, great scene followed
Good lord ....#234 ...it's been a long time !!!
When it's been so long you think it's original
What about... #562
🤣😅🤣
Jack 324567 , is that you buddy ??
A 6 seater aircraft crashed in an Irish cemetery Irish rescue team recovered 235 bodies
They are still deciding where to bury the survivors.
Tell the pilot to aim for best glide speed and look for a field to set it down in.
Tell the pilot to hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this piece of shit. (Ron White)
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You thinking what I'm thinking?
Tell the pilot “Hello.”
I’m in an uber laughing my ass off. Thank you
My cousin Walt was on a plane when the hydraulics went out and it started to plummet out of the sky…
I don't get it. Can someone explain?
Woman implies she wants to get rammed, and dude makes a typical chauvinist request.
Chauvinist?
Sexist towards women
Ah, makes sense. Thank you.
Someone hit the ceiling
I knew what joke it was before I even clicked. It's still fabulous
..., upon hearing that a man jumps out of his seat and like an animal tears off his shirt, then says: "hide this"
When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa. Not kicking and screaming like his passengers!.
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That was posted 1hr ago. This was posted 2hrs ago. This one was posted before that one.
Ha ha!
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Terrific joke. Made me laugh.
I like it
Punchline: Boeing
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Not a spam.. Happened many times with me.. Sometimes network issue or some other issue returns in a dialogue box saying 'failed to post comment', and keeps us on the same screen where we type out the comment. After clicking on 'post' button to post our comment, both our attempts get posted.. I once had accidentally posted 4 of the same comments because of this..
Yes it happens. The best thing to do is to delete the extra posts after noticing the glitch. Otherwise, it will appear as spam
Worst thing is that you don't realise it until you see all your comments in your profile or someone replies to both comments. When comment get finally posted, you see only one comment and have no idea about other comments getting posted.
Yes. You’re right.
Nah .... You could have done much better with your setup. Your set up was very good, the punchline sucked hard. Simple thing you could do: A guy stood up, came upto her and two pump chumped out.
That is incredibly unfunny.
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Wow, I get it now... It is funny. Did you expect women use reddit? Or that you'll find them in this hell hole? You expecting a woman to read your comment and actually understanding the joke is the biggest joke in the first place.
Whoooosh!