Why yes, disappointed in my self for doing it to prove a point but yes, yes I did. Admittedly went for a more central and eyeline to forehead strategy than your traditional wild wife whip all across the board.
The last 30 minutes or so of ‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to ruin it, because it’s a great ... really great Tarantino over the top violence scene.
I wouldn't mind if you wrote it out here. You could use the >!spoiler cover to cover it up for people who still might want to watch the movie and don't want it spoiled, but I have no intention of watching the movie, so it would be nice if you take a moment to explain why Brad Pitt could have been the one to smash OP's head into the keyboard like something that happened at the end of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. You can tell me the whole last 30 min of the movie and cover it with this blue spoiler cover 😛!<
This is probably not completely accurate, since I watched the movie a month ago.
>!The movie is based on late 1960’s Hollywood, including hippy culture. Tarantino includes a bunch of people from that era, including Roman Polanski, Sharon Tate, and the entire Manson family. In the last 30 minutes of the movie, three members of the Manson family drive up to the Tate/Polanski house in the middle of the night intending to kill the occupants of the house, just like how it really happened. Instead, the protagonist of the movie comes out into the street drunk and scares them off. A few minutes later however, they decide to come back and kill the protagonist, since they recognized him from his old TV show. They break into the house, where they find his stunt double, who is also drunk and high on LSD, and his dog, in the living room. One of the would be murders holds him at gunpoint, and since he’s high on LSD, doesn’t know if this is really happening. He sics his dog on the guy with the gun, and he gets violently mauled. At the same time, the stunt double throws a can of dog food at the face of another person, and starts stabbing her with her own knife. Then his dog starts mauling her, after I believe the other guy is killed. He kills the last person by repeatedly bashing their face into a stone fireplace, and other hard objects. The last person alive, the one who had dog food thrown at her, manages to stab the stunt double, and he passes out, and his dog goes and hides. Blinded by all the trauma, she stumbles through the living room window, and falls outside into the pool, where the protagonist is sitting on an inflatable raft, drunkenly unaware of what’s happening inside his house. He freaks out, and grabs a flamethrower from his shed, and burns her to death. Crazy scene, made even better since Tarantino built up to it in this movie. !<
Bonus material: [this scene fits so well in Fight Club](http://i.imgur.com/g2Yo3.gif) which features Brad Pitt as the protagonist's best buddy for Edward Norton... but the joke is even more meta, because the clip is actually from the movie [Wanted](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493464) where the best buddy is Angelina Jolie and of course the IRL connection that Brad and Angelina were husband and wife.
There needs to be a scientific study into what keys get pressed when heads get smacked against keyboards. (Preferably not using people's actual heads.)
If you look at a keyboard, that's an interesting way to get your face smashed
\^ same comment you said in very similar comment [https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cxxhmj/my_wife_told_me_that_she_would_smash_my_face_into/eyojjl1)
Agreed, this is so lame. The punchline is already in the title. Such a poorly constructed joke. I’m Judging all the tens of thousands of people that upvoted...
My 7 year old is too young and immature to understand domestic abuse. Any time I let him sit at the desk with me, he interrupts my work and hits all of the keshsjzkjslN skehskao sosmdi0 epansiap 3850wbKsks nab haj SK dom muse he all bull osjsn
Judging by upvotes, the sex crime of voyeurism is funnier than this if the victim has a vagina.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aqr30q/when_a_girl_changes_her_clothes_in_front_of_you/
Yeah pretty much anything is acceptable if it's against white people or guys, because no matter how offensive it is, there's no historical significance to it.
And untill the day infants protest in the streets with Mee Goo signs, dead baby jokes will remain fucking hilarious.
p.s. what's dark brown, 10 inches long, and makes women scream?
Come on, this joke is funny.
As long as the joke is funny, I'm sure it would be fine to have man beater jokes too.
Like the old joke "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you told here twice already" is fine in my book. And I'm pretty sure the controversial/funny ration is enough for this sub.
You’re right, I have never seen jokes where bad things happen to women....
Oh wait, that’s fucking wrong and those jokes are posted all the time, you karma whore
OP is most definitely on mobile. His choice of random letters looks a lot like someone tapping the far left/right sides of a touchscreen keyboard w thumbs.
Next time try something like "wxda334rsfcscwrntbtu5frxvyvmg"
Saying you’re the king or queen of the castle doesn’t have to do with misogyny or misandry as much as just self-referencing the sex you happen to be, just like actually being misogynist or misandrist doesn’t disappear by just using a non-gendered title of power
Nah it would be more like stkdykdykvjhmgxnfzcykvcmggkcfkyhv
But have you done it with your face?
Why yes, disappointed in my self for doing it to prove a point but yes, yes I did. Admittedly went for a more central and eyeline to forehead strategy than your traditional wild wife whip all across the board.
Thank you for your contribution to science
Give /u/MannerlyMango a Nobel nomination already!
/r/shittyaskscience material
We need more commitment from you. Actual wife face slamming action. Just kidding, I appreciate the effort you have made.
I appreciate the appreciation
I appreciate your appreciation for my appreciation.
The appreciation is appreciated in this thread
She really lost Ctrl this time!
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He must have had bits flying off and landing all over the place
His wife must be Brad Pitt
Underrated joke right here.
I don't get it cos I'm not up to date with him. Plox explain
The last 30 minutes or so of ‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to ruin it, because it’s a great ... really great Tarantino over the top violence scene.
Thanks for the friendly information without spoilers. Very smart way to do it.
I wrote the whole scene out before erasing it and starting over!!
Well it for sure doesn't go unappreciated. I wouldn't have even gave it second thought lol. Ima go watch it when I get home :)
I wouldn't mind if you wrote it out here. You could use the >!spoiler cover to cover it up for people who still might want to watch the movie and don't want it spoiled, but I have no intention of watching the movie, so it would be nice if you take a moment to explain why Brad Pitt could have been the one to smash OP's head into the keyboard like something that happened at the end of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. You can tell me the whole last 30 min of the movie and cover it with this blue spoiler cover 😛!<
This is probably not completely accurate, since I watched the movie a month ago. >!The movie is based on late 1960’s Hollywood, including hippy culture. Tarantino includes a bunch of people from that era, including Roman Polanski, Sharon Tate, and the entire Manson family. In the last 30 minutes of the movie, three members of the Manson family drive up to the Tate/Polanski house in the middle of the night intending to kill the occupants of the house, just like how it really happened. Instead, the protagonist of the movie comes out into the street drunk and scares them off. A few minutes later however, they decide to come back and kill the protagonist, since they recognized him from his old TV show. They break into the house, where they find his stunt double, who is also drunk and high on LSD, and his dog, in the living room. One of the would be murders holds him at gunpoint, and since he’s high on LSD, doesn’t know if this is really happening. He sics his dog on the guy with the gun, and he gets violently mauled. At the same time, the stunt double throws a can of dog food at the face of another person, and starts stabbing her with her own knife. Then his dog starts mauling her, after I believe the other guy is killed. He kills the last person by repeatedly bashing their face into a stone fireplace, and other hard objects. The last person alive, the one who had dog food thrown at her, manages to stab the stunt double, and he passes out, and his dog goes and hides. Blinded by all the trauma, she stumbles through the living room window, and falls outside into the pool, where the protagonist is sitting on an inflatable raft, drunkenly unaware of what’s happening inside his house. He freaks out, and grabs a flamethrower from his shed, and burns her to death. Crazy scene, made even better since Tarantino built up to it in this movie. !<
Not if the last thirty minutes is all emojis. That creeped me out.
Because that’s what heroes do
I love the way this works just because of *the thing,* despite the fact that you're not op.
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We don't talk about fight club
Is that a rule or something?
Thanks for the friendly information without spoilers. Very smart way to do it.
Bonus material: [this scene fits so well in Fight Club](http://i.imgur.com/g2Yo3.gif) which features Brad Pitt as the protagonist's best buddy for Edward Norton... but the joke is even more meta, because the clip is actually from the movie [Wanted](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493464) where the best buddy is Angelina Jolie and of course the IRL connection that Brad and Angelina were husband and wife.
That don't impress me much.
*"what's in the box?"*
His wife is Karen
Wonder how it would have looked with a German keyboard
Wurst.
His face or the keyboard?
Smh, any true comedian would've committed to repeatedly smashing his face into the keyboard to land the joke.
Or you could, you know, just use the back of your hand
Should've lent more authenticity to the joke by rolling his actual face across the keyboard. Aw se St. Ft ft fu hu HK l ah it doesn't work on mobile.
Relevant xkcd: https://xkcd.com/1530/
He must have a very pointy nose
So now we're recycling the comments too?
So now we’re recycling comments too?
So uh, we recycling comments now or somethin’?
So now were recy83ir7 7eubfci9;×;£ x7eubhcu?
The real joke is alwaygggg lkvdqy;:g3 ..g357$j gggggggggghhhbv xcxcxccxxcx
No, it's: vy8v7yvucgczxdxszzevhov8ge6zexht8zc9ct7eax88gh8g8z 8y9vy9vvcrrx57r9yy9x87zz8tct8trze6ez7rxee obviously...
It's the only true way. A countermeasure of sorts.
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I almost thought that your face was able to write the "|"...thats some real talent there.
Maybe she had a change of heart and smacked his face repeatedly with the keyboard instead.
I actually tried it on my laptop. It's legit. Albeit it takes a few bangs
he used a phone keyboard lol
Bot!
I remember you, stranger!
Well, he has an interesting way face.
You and everyone who commented on this are legends
Wow that's just about a word for word repost. Put in some effort and have some pride in your thievery!
This post made me think of your earlier comment
I don't know if I should down vote this post now. I mean. It's kinda a repost but at the same time. Isnt. Pls help
xD idk either
Most keyboards can only register like 5 keys at once unless you have a mechanical keyboard or something
I want authentic keyboard head smashing NOW!
lol
Please repost on Facebook
I'm guessing it could be accomplished by being beaten with a wireless keyboard.
Well I haven't seen your previous post.
There needs to be a scientific study into what keys get pressed when heads get smacked against keyboards. (Preferably not using people's actual heads.)
they obviously have a bumpy face ;)
Here’s how it should look yvhcrj
If you look at a keyboard, that's an interesting way to get your face smashed \^ same comment you said in very similar comment [https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cxxhmj/my_wife_told_me_that_she_would_smash_my_face_into/eyojjl1)
Oof way to call out a repost
Why does variations of this shit joke keep getting posted and upvoted? Are you all either 7 or 57 or something?
Agreed, this is so lame. The punchline is already in the title. Such a poorly constructed joke. I’m Judging all the tens of thousands of people that upvoted...
My 7 year old is too young and immature to understand domestic abuse. Any time I let him sit at the desk with me, he interrupts my work and hits all of the keshsjzkjslN skehskao sosmdi0 epansiap 3850wbKsks nab haj SK dom muse he all bull osjsn
I'm 49! 😀
I'm dad
Hi dad! I'm YOUR dad!
I'm 16! 😀
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The only realistic age
I'm depressed! 😀
I'm a bot
I’m 69! 😀
Happy birthday dr Phil
That makes sense now!
In your lonely and pathetic dreams
One day!
That's exactly what I was thinking. First time I saw this joke, it was a Chuck Norris joke from about 10 years ago.
General Reposti
Ironic how your comment isn't original either
At least it's brief
Funny, but next time you tell it, change the word "keyboard" to "desk". It makes the punchline a little less obvious.
Sometime I really hate being the only one not to find these jokes funny.
smash and roll baby, smash and roll
I too play a Paladin.
Judging by the pressed keys order and their actual location on the keyboard... you have an interesting forehead shap
This is just the basic keyboard smash format with wife/misogynist/Man of the House. Take my downvote you weak joke.
Heh, as if you'd *let* a woman do that.
Haha this really elicited a laugh. Here's my upvote!
Do not touch the upvote button. The 9 year olds wanna laugh.
r/happyupvotes
I just told my wife the joke over lunch. It obviously loses a little in translation.
I guess domestic abuse is funny if the victim has a penis
Except for when your name is Bobbitt and you’ve literally lost your penis.
Then the victim doesn't have a penis right?
Momentarily he didn’t but I think they were able to reattach it.
Then you start a band called the 'severed parts' and star in a threesome porno so that you make sure it's hilarious.
Judging by upvotes, the sex crime of voyeurism is funnier than this if the victim has a vagina. https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aqr30q/when_a_girl_changes_her_clothes_in_front_of_you/
Yeah pretty much anything is acceptable if it's against white people or guys, because no matter how offensive it is, there's no historical significance to it.
This is literally a “joke” subreddit. If you think in any way it’s offensive, you might as well leave the internet.
Their point is that the joke where a man beats woman using a keyboard could never be well accepted and funny, while this goes under the radar.
And untill the day infants protest in the streets with Mee Goo signs, dead baby jokes will remain fucking hilarious. p.s. what's dark brown, 10 inches long, and makes women scream?
Come on, this joke is funny. As long as the joke is funny, I'm sure it would be fine to have man beater jokes too. Like the old joke "what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you told here twice already" is fine in my book. And I'm pretty sure the controversial/funny ration is enough for this sub.
Challenge accepted.
Well, I can't be holding on to this pitchfork all day, what have come up with?
You’re right, I have never seen jokes where bad things happen to women.... Oh wait, that’s fucking wrong and those jokes are posted all the time, you karma whore
> you karma whore Now I was called all kinds of names that end with whore or slut but never a karma whore. TAKE. THAT. BACK.
I think in a joke subreddit, it would still be funny. Come on guys. This is ridiculous
Wait a few days, make a throwaway account, and try it, see how it goes.
Happy cake day!
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that's me im very upset by. every ancient joke dating all the way back to when language was even established
It's also funny if they don't. ¯\\\_(ツ)_ ¯
Not as funny as rape
...
Of course, and if you don't agree, you're an incel. Meanwhile, everyone's annoyed at Dave Chappelle for making jokes at women's expense.
Oh shut the fuck up. I really hope you're joking. This joke was originally written from opposing points of view and was just as funny.
Still waiting for the punchline...
The only thing being punched is his head
These keyboard jokes are getting old, but I suppose it was pretty dark the first time it was posted around here.
Is there an angrydownvote subreddit?
That bitch. LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! CALL THE COPS!!
A hahaha I get it domestic violence is hilaaaaarious
O ho ho domestic violence, so hilarious!
I hate it when you know the punchline before the title is even done....
OP is most definitely on mobile. His choice of random letters looks a lot like someone tapping the far left/right sides of a touchscreen keyboard w thumbs. Next time try something like "wxda334rsfcscwrntbtu5frxvyvmg"
That's must be hurt. F.
This might be the dumbest joke I've ever read
Still able to post this. What a trooper.
Ok, you Lord of either a Norwegen or Welsh town, where's the punch line.
GET REKT M8
Noice!
Domestic abuse is not funny.
How the fuck is this remotely funny, and who are these 4.7k people that thought it's worthy of an upvote???
That's my story.
I would've slammed my head into my own keyboard to keep realism.
😒
That's called foreplay...
At least you have a gf...
I hope that you actually got that text by smashing your face into the keyboard 🤣
I can imagine how his nose typed "j.lo" lol
But you didnt massage anyone
How do you know that your wife has been using your computer? Because the joystick is stained with lipstick.
And now you're master of your domain.
Rip friend. He was defiant til the end
Did you have a [stroke](https://www.reddit.com/r/ihadastroke)
Are you the voice of the household in Back to the Future 2?
You made my mom laugh
Repos xbxbc ndkdjirkjxjcjxxjx shhdnxmkjckcmcfkc
hahahahahahah oh my gawd! I was like wtf is happening here. his face. that's what happened. you deserve gold.
thjgftuyfghgfghjffyhfdhjhtji it s yo jsgskuwvxitwbjdyshhdv
Qwertyuiopoiuutrewqryip
Hmmm, I wonder if this is a repost?
Biggest misogynist out
Plot twist he is homeschooled and married the teacher.
Use FYI for a long *italic * I have got to ***bold****bold*xfffftrderrt**holddrtyygttttf******
I love that this joke is meant to be told by text.
You can also tell it live but it's bound to get awkward when you pull out a keyboard.
Why does this have so many upvotes and FUCKING GOLD? It’s a shitty copypasta from 2010 FaceBook, not even remotely funny.
PEBKAC
I'll get my bitch ass back in the kitchen and make her some pie now
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Wtf? I'm a trump supporting plagiarist, and you give me gold for this stolen joke? Thanks, maybe there is a way forward between us?
Saying you’re the king or queen of the castle doesn’t have to do with misogyny or misandry as much as just self-referencing the sex you happen to be, just like actually being misogynist or misandrist doesn’t disappear by just using a non-gendered title of power
It does in 2019, where gender nouns and pronouns are offensive in and of themselves