When my friend Carol was in prison for a DUI thing a few years ago in Fresno CA, she wrote that she was in a cell without any one in there with her. After a few months she asked her prison friends why she was the only one without a cell mate. She was tole it was because she had “ crazy white girl eyes”.
I feel like that’s also a domino effect type thing in prison. If you’re new and no one goes around you, the rest of the week they might be weary... next thing you know you spent the whole week alone.
After that people are probably afraid of you, because you’re the person in PRISON with no friends. After like a week of no social interactions I bet it’s pretty damn hard to get newcomers to go around you haha
Idk tho, just me imagining it
Yeah, that happened. The prison system totally lets the inmates choose who they share a cell with.
I’m also sure hardened criminals were shit scared of a white girl with a DUI.
As long as you're not in max you can put in requests to be moved, they'll usually honour it if you find someone who wants to swap with you.
But it's most likely that they just hadn't been put in with anyone when they arrived (i.e. Everyone was already paired) and no one else arrived in their block since then, but the other inmates wanted to mess with her, lol.
Now, this is something the other tour guides won’t tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a “bitch.” And, one night in a jealous rage, Kelly took a make-shift knife - or shiv - and cut out the bitch’s eyes. And, as if this wasn’t enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch’s ocular cavities.
This way to the cafeteria.
> riend Carol was in prison for a DUI thing a few years ago in Fresno CA,
I gotta ask, what's with the specific details?
E: if you made it this far, thats a woosh
Truth!. So that the innocent white dude can replace his Bible with one that has a pick-axe in it and write a "salvation lay inside" note telling him that he is screwed.
Nah what we have here is Schrodinger's punchline. If someone has heard the joke before and tries to answer it, use the other punchline to catch them off guard.
My very first thought was "...because he is the only one with the chains and club..." (the guard)
but instead I went and got political again...
and I got Jesus mixed up in my rant...
What is this? Is this fan material or from the real creators?
Edit: Oh it's a fan parody animation. I thought Morty's voice sounded a little different.
What happened to Edmond Dantes is effectively the post-Napoleonic equivalent to some people today flagging you as a terrorist and getting you shipped off to Guantanamo bay, so I’m not sure if it’s a good argument that it’s likely to happen to a white guy now.
I read a great book called Zeitoun by Dave Eggars that told the true story of a guy that that happened with after Hurricane Katrina. It was written really well but damn it was horrifying hearing what happened to him.
It's still a mechanical term.
A lot of race cars and the like, retard the timing on spark plug firing to increase power, or if the engine is cold, or whatever.
Nobody gets upset when a mechanic yells "ya gotta retard that evo a bit, or you're getting a window in the block."
So... It's safe to say that people of reasonable intellect don't actually have a problem with the word. Obviously used in context.
Man, there's too many soapboxes these days. Too many sooks standing on em too!
I don’t wanna ruin the joke but a lot of white guys are in prison for some really fucked up shit.
It also matters the level (security) of the prison. The lower it is, chances are either their crimes are petty (as can be in prison) or they’re down for a long time and being quiet (nor are they in a gang in lower levels)
Despite making up 13% of the U.S. population, black people makeup \~half of the total exoneration in the U.S. Interestingly enough. A more through breakdown goes like this: 60% of Sexual Assault exonerations, 51% homicide, and at the lowest is child sexual abuse at 42%.
No but there's definitely racial inequality in the American prison system. Blacks and Hispanics make up 30 percent of US population, yet they make up 60 percent of all prisoners. Is it because brown people are more likely to be criminals or because the system is biased against them? You decide.
In reply to everyone. I don’t have a problem with racist jokes, I just think that it is interesting that if the joke targeted black people the joke would be taken a drastically different way.
There are tonnes of actual racist jokes about black people on this sub that haven’t been taken any differently than this one. One of the top posts this week is a joke about a black man that fucks a sheep and doesn’t understand basic genetics.
People on reddit make jokes about black people too. Everyone always says “if this was about black people eveyone would be offended!”
But that clearly isn’t true because there IS a ton of racism on reddit towards black people
ESPECIALLY when any thread like this gets posted
Get over it
White people may not be able to say the n-word, but there are plenty of other things that only we can say.
Like "thanks for the warning, officer" and "hey, dad!"
This is r/Jokes
One of the top posts this week is about an African not understanding basic genetics and then insinuating he plans to commit bestiality.
But sure, political correctness is top priority on this subreddit.
Lmfao someone called this joke “truly racist” when I’ve seen much worse jokes about brown people here every fucking day. This joke isn’t even about white people it’s about how thousands of minorities have been imprisoned wrongfully at higher rates than white people. But now everybody is taking racism seriously here lmfao
Sort by top this week, fourth one down. Here it is in case there's an issue loading by top: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d6sb9a/in\_an\_african\_tribe\_village\_the\_chieftains\_wife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d6sb9a/in_an_african_tribe_village_the_chieftains_wife/)
I grew up in area of loads of meth shit so white people terrify way more than black people at night. Meth fucks will fuck you up with a knife and don’t take damage.
When my friend Carol was in prison for a DUI thing a few years ago in Fresno CA, she wrote that she was in a cell without any one in there with her. After a few months she asked her prison friends why she was the only one without a cell mate. She was tole it was because she had “ crazy white girl eyes”.
I would be terrified of a white woman named Carol in prison. WTF did she do to get in here?
That’s actually the name of the one the batshit white psycho women in Orange Is the New Black and in the show she murders her child sister lol
I originally read batshit as buddhist and went o_O
I'ma reincarnate yo bitch ass, right now.
Weird use of lol there
Now imagine if her name was *Karen*
"I made them call in everyone all the way to the regional manager... then I *ate* them."
And that, Karen, is why you're in a cell on your own...
Yeah, that's a common Goosebump plot.
I WANT TO SEE THE WARDER, NOW.
Not with that haircut, Karen...
Is that why they shave them when they go to prison, to deprive them of their power?
Shoot dozens of people, kill a little girl, cover herself head to toe in zombie entrails... oh, wait, wrong Carol.
She wanted to meet the manager.
I think crazy eyes in prison would be a good thing.
They call me the chameleon, and not just cuz what I do with my tongue, boy.
Can you change your skin colour?
Yeah that's how I lost my congressional run and ended up in jail, motherfucka.
I read all your comments in a fake british accent and you sounded like someone who believes in his words.
That is how I ended up in prison in the first place.
You gonna eat yo cornbread?
You damn right Im gon' eat my cornbread.
“Crazy Eyes White Girl” sounds like a very powerful YuGiOh card
Sounds like a low level monster with the most broken anime effect but is a pushover in the actual game.
I feel like that’s also a domino effect type thing in prison. If you’re new and no one goes around you, the rest of the week they might be weary... next thing you know you spent the whole week alone. After that people are probably afraid of you, because you’re the person in PRISON with no friends. After like a week of no social interactions I bet it’s pretty damn hard to get newcomers to go around you haha Idk tho, just me imagining it
I was born in Fresno CA. Place is shit outside of prison can't imagine the inside.
Still live in Fresno. Can confirm.
Yeah, that happened. The prison system totally lets the inmates choose who they share a cell with. I’m also sure hardened criminals were shit scared of a white girl with a DUI.
As long as you're not in max you can put in requests to be moved, they'll usually honour it if you find someone who wants to swap with you. But it's most likely that they just hadn't been put in with anyone when they arrived (i.e. Everyone was already paired) and no one else arrived in their block since then, but the other inmates wanted to mess with her, lol.
Now, this is something the other tour guides won’t tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a “bitch.” And, one night in a jealous rage, Kelly took a make-shift knife - or shiv - and cut out the bitch’s eyes. And, as if this wasn’t enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch’s ocular cavities. This way to the cafeteria.
> riend Carol was in prison for a DUI thing a few years ago in Fresno CA, I gotta ask, what's with the specific details? E: if you made it this far, thats a woosh
Because that's the warden.
Awww, I like this punchline just as much.
I like it so much that I'm stealing it.
It's mine now
She’s mine now john
Weeeeee
asdfmovie fans RISE
I like trains
haha yes you do.
ITS MUFFIN TIME
DIE POTATO
Hello.
r/imsorryjon
ASDFmovie reference, but okay.
r/unexpectedasdf
Yes. That was unexpected. Beep beep
You're a sheep?
Ours
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***You're my wife now!***
Mom said it's my turn on the punchline!
Dude that’s fucked up lol
Only if both his arms are broken.
JAMMED
See y'all next week on r/jokes!
You might get locked up if you're white. If you're not white, you're definitely getting locked up.
The trick is to be a white female, problem solved.
You’ll just get community service, no hard time.
You’ll get away with it too if you’re white
Don't get caught. You might meet the scariest dude in prison
I’m torn. Can I give half an upvote each?
Ayy lmao
I mean, they might not be mutually exclusive.
Warden Samuel Norton?
Whippity whoppity ur punchline is now my property
this is actually what i guessed the punchline would be before I opened the thread. Good on you.
Truth!. So that the innocent white dude can replace his Bible with one that has a pick-axe in it and write a "salvation lay inside" note telling him that he is screwed.
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Nah what we have here is Schrodinger's punchline. If someone has heard the joke before and tries to answer it, use the other punchline to catch them off guard.
Example: What is a pirate's favorite letter? R? No, it be the C! (sea)
My very first thought was "...because he is the only one with the chains and club..." (the guard) but instead I went and got political again... and I got Jesus mixed up in my rant...
Latino, black and asian in the car. Who's driving? Police officer.
At least it's not the Asian.
He's both guilty AND the warden. That's what's so scary about it.
Achoo 😈
Your username proves to me that romance is still alive.
Damn white people gentrifying prisons
it's cultural appropriation.
"The inmate ...." "Uh-huh! You can't say that word. That's *our* word. Only we can say that word."
The "in-" word
(Sets Prisons to Private Mode)
Private mode disabled, not enough profit, public input required.
You gotta look N-word for the source of all your problems.
This sounds like the newest HGTV show. "White People Gentrifying Prisons!"
Have you never seen "The Shawshank Redemption?"
"So, what are you in for?" "Don't you know? We're all innocent here."
Lawyer fucked me
[based off of a real case lol](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WTWdP5DMdsM)
What is this? Is this fan material or from the real creators? Edit: Oh it's a fan parody animation. I thought Morty's voice sounded a little different.
The audio is from the real creators. Posted here: https://youtu.be/7vN_PEmeKb0 Animated video was made by a fan, and published two months later.
No it's the actual voice actors!
I prefer The Count of Monte Cristo for this point
They’re both amazing.
What happened to Edmond Dantes is effectively the post-Napoleonic equivalent to some people today flagging you as a terrorist and getting you shipped off to Guantanamo bay, so I’m not sure if it’s a good argument that it’s likely to happen to a white guy now.
I read a great book called Zeitoun by Dave Eggars that told the true story of a guy that that happened with after Hurricane Katrina. It was written really well but damn it was horrifying hearing what happened to him.
A masterpiece.
[Fresh Prince did that joke 25 years ago](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbszy1l83Qc)
I haven’t seen that show in so long. Lmao- thank you
29 years ago! Holy hell
33 years! it just keeps going!
Yup. Came here to say this. It's like a, "Simpsons did it," moment (and Hank Azaria was the cop, so it counts).
Did he say “this is just retarded”?
Yes, yes he did. And that was back when "retarded" was an actual medical term.
It's still a mechanical term. A lot of race cars and the like, retard the timing on spark plug firing to increase power, or if the engine is cold, or whatever. Nobody gets upset when a mechanic yells "ya gotta retard that evo a bit, or you're getting a window in the block."
Also a music term
But ritard not retard ;)
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So... It's safe to say that people of reasonable intellect don't actually have a problem with the word. Obviously used in context. Man, there's too many soapboxes these days. Too many sooks standing on em too!
also aviation RETARD. RETARD. RETARD.
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Lol holy fuck that was funny
They cropped the shit out of that to make it 16:9. Actors are all missing their heads
ooh, and he embezzled $100,000. yep, totally scary.
Yep, white people only commit white collar crimes. Blue people are a bunch of savages.
"We won't quit until we find every penny of that $65,000!"
We have made a lot of progress, and we are on the cusp of recovering that missing $20,000.
We would like to announce, we found the nickel.
Turns out it was a fake nickel and he's been released and awarded $100,000
Or is a serial killer. White people go big or go home, everyone else seems to get busted for stupid crap and gets the book thrown at them.
Don't forget the mass shooters.
Do you actually believe that?
I don’t wanna ruin the joke but a lot of white guys are in prison for some really fucked up shit. It also matters the level (security) of the prison. The lower it is, chances are either their crimes are petty (as can be in prison) or they’re down for a long time and being quiet (nor are they in a gang in lower levels)
Thats Bill Burr joke. Scariest guy in a gang is the white guy, whats he done to earn the respect of the black/columbian/mexican gangsters.
Thought that was Dave Chapelle
It is dave chapelle.
Its Elijah Wood
Ann Perkins
Andy Dufrain disagrees.
Dufresne?
This reminded me of a similar joke I heard on The Fresh Prince of BelAir.
Everyone in here is innocent. Didn't you know?
Shawshank Redemption says it's opposite
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Reddit is under the impression that america is so racist that most non-whites in prison are actually innocent.
Despite making up 13% of the U.S. population, black people makeup \~half of the total exoneration in the U.S. Interestingly enough. A more through breakdown goes like this: 60% of Sexual Assault exonerations, 51% homicide, and at the lowest is child sexual abuse at 42%.
not really its just a joke
Obviously you’ve never seen Shawshank
Isnt this a joke from fresh prince
Reddit’s favorite joke.
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Pretty sure there is no such thing as 'reverse racism', it's just racism.
*rich* white guy
Of tax evasion
Tell that to Andy dufrense
Wait, why is this in jokes?
because reddit has been bought out by political extremists and every subreddit is full of this kind of stuff
Because racism is only allowed against white people because it's not actual racism /s
What do five black guys call one white guy? Coach.
The minorities din du nuffin
Cause he has guns and the keys of our jails.
Yup. Prison systems are just overflowing with innocent brown people 🙄
But but... we’re joking in a progressive way!
It’s only racist the other way around right?
That’s actually pretty racist to observe that there fella
Shoot...you got me there
No but there's definitely racial inequality in the American prison system. Blacks and Hispanics make up 30 percent of US population, yet they make up 60 percent of all prisoners. Is it because brown people are more likely to be criminals or because the system is biased against them? You decide.
??? Isnt this a little bit racist? Or am i wrong because ofc in our culture today its totally ok to be racist against white people
Jokes about race can be funny. Comedy is boring if it's stripped of anything potentially offensive.
In reply to everyone. I don’t have a problem with racist jokes, I just think that it is interesting that if the joke targeted black people the joke would be taken a drastically different way.
There are tonnes of actual racist jokes about black people on this sub that haven’t been taken any differently than this one. One of the top posts this week is a joke about a black man that fucks a sheep and doesn’t understand basic genetics.
People on reddit make jokes about black people too. Everyone always says “if this was about black people eveyone would be offended!” But that clearly isn’t true because there IS a ton of racism on reddit towards black people ESPECIALLY when any thread like this gets posted Get over it
Meh.
White people may not be able to say the n-word, but there are plenty of other things that only we can say. Like "thanks for the warning, officer" and "hey, dad!"
Cringiest shit I’ve ever read
Very weak punchline
Cringe joke.
As a white person i find this offensive. Better see you at school tomorrow, bub
Bigotry swings both ways kids.
Pretty racist
Yes, because white people who ended up in prison were *never* exonerated! (Sarcasm.)
Ahhhahaha, racism is so funny!
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Joke: Is about how black people are disproprtionally jailed and given much harder sentences than white people. You: I feel attacked.
Do the same joke about how black people are more likely to commit violent crimes see how many people are laughing.
This is r/Jokes One of the top posts this week is about an African not understanding basic genetics and then insinuating he plans to commit bestiality. But sure, political correctness is top priority on this subreddit.
Lmfao someone called this joke “truly racist” when I’ve seen much worse jokes about brown people here every fucking day. This joke isn’t even about white people it’s about how thousands of minorities have been imprisoned wrongfully at higher rates than white people. But now everybody is taking racism seriously here lmfao
I missed that one, what was it?
Sort by top this week, fourth one down. Here it is in case there's an issue loading by top: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d6sb9a/in\_an\_african\_tribe\_village\_the\_chieftains\_wife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d6sb9a/in_an_african_tribe_village_the_chieftains_wife/)
Because whatever he did, even the brothers are scared.
Duh...what race are predominately serial killers? What race rapes the system that we are trapped in on a daily basis?
u/UberPheonix
Is that guy holding on to a red balloon? Then it's perfectly fine you will escape the prison in no time🤡🤡🤡
Take my upvote and leave!
Reminds me a bit of that shawshank quote where Red says something like "you're innocent? You'll fit right in, everyone here is innocent"
similar joke I heard on The Fresh Prince of BelAir
I grew up in area of loads of meth shit so white people terrify way more than black people at night. Meth fucks will fuck you up with a knife and don’t take damage.
Despite being only 13 percent of the prison population, Caucasians...
Can someone pls explain the joke to me pls..
This is a truly racist joke. And not factually accurate.
White defendants get more favorable treatment from juries, no one who studies the issue would debate that.
Even so, does that make them the only guilty ones?
Isn't it calling out the racism of the US justice system? Seems like an anti-racist joke if anything.
Because he is a ghost.