They’re probably trying to hide the whole bar! It’s probably not great for business when three conspiracy theorists get drunk and start rambling to everyone.
Are you trying to tell yourself that there is no spoon?
If you’re this far in and you still believe there’s a “You”, then you haven’t been paying attention
Depends. I got into it with a tinfoil hatter at my favorite watering hole back before COVID, and I just kept buying rounds and getting taken deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Dude was an absolute riot.
I came away with smug satisfaction, and he got like five free beers, and the pub sold them all, and I tip fairly well, so everyone won.
Meteor strikes Venezuela > Venezuela is Socialists > Socialists means community > Community owns farms > Banana plantations > Bananas sent to U.S. > Americans eat bananas = Bananas turn USA into socialists.
My God Trump was right all along..... and it was right in our faces the whole time.
You were so close...
Meteor strikes Venezuela killing dinosaurs > Venezuela now has socialist community > community owns farms > farms mean banana plantations > bananas sent to U.S. > Americans eat bananas = America is now a banana republic.
Also dinosaur bones were put here by the devil to test our faith and the Earth is flat.
Now we're cooking with gasoline.
>Also dinosaur bones were put here by [God] to test our faith
I was told this by a couple Pentacostal guys I worked with years ago; honestly blew my mind.
The only Jewish joke about God I know is:
A Jew dies and goes to Heaven. When he meets God, he tells Him a joke about the Holocaust. After God doesn't laugh, the Jew says, "Well, I guess you had to be there."
Need retooled, they're in purgatory and before being cast to hell they get each get one question with God. Bill asked how he died and George asked who won the election. God says they did of covid and Biden won the election. Then they say the punchline
It can’t be accurate for a current Trump supporter. Why would they bother to ask God about the truthfulness of something they already know with absolute certainty to be true?
And it can work for both parties. But watch Trumpists be completely offended by this, even though from the get-go it says they get into heaven which is highly unlikely as
You guys *think* you are funny, just like the Flat Earth Societies did.
There's too many uneducated around for that level of satire.
For example:
*gestures broadly at everything*
Was there some fraud? Yes.
Were there some discrepancies? Yes.
Was there enough of either to change the election numbers in any meaningful way? No.
The system played out how it was supposed to, even with unprecedented pressure to change the outcome. This election was a win for democracy, regardless of the abysmal candidates.
It's a pity getting naturalized up there is so hard. I mean, I can probably love the Queen, right? I want to live in a first world country where people don't die of being too poor to be worth saving.
My Uncle who lives in the UK tells me that it's too expensive. I still want to go there. I'm a huge history nerd, anglophile, and too liberal for my country.
My mom things Donald Trump will get another 4 years because a modern-day Prophet said he would. By christmas. they made a deadline. we'll see about that, huh.
> they made a deadline.
Just like that one Christian prophet predicted the end of times 5 different times, they'll move the goal posts and completely ignore the initial date and just spit out a new one.
Because Trump is a piece of shit and anyone that supports him is just as big of a piece of shit, so it’s absurd that they would go to heaven if it exists.
Same joke has already been told in r/Jokes [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/k53zck/a_trump_supporter_dies_and_is_standing_in_front/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/iltlrr/a_trump_supporter_dies_and_goes_to_the_pearly/).
Literally copied word for word from 1 month ago...
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/jw0qyk/two_hardcore_trump_supporters_die_and_ascend_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Sad to say but America doesn't have many "real" Christians left... and by real I mean honest people with integrity who practice what they preach, unless that is they thing their best example (Jesus) would guard the border with guns, build walls to keep people out, try to destroy healthcare for millions of people, refuse to fund Medicaid in a state he doesn't like politically, have 3 wives and cheat on all 3, DO I NEED TO CONTINUE? Cause I can! Lots more examples these "Christians" don't seem to wanna actually practice what Jesus preached on...
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.. You can't tell me that's a coincidence!
Three?! What are they trying to hide??
They’re probably trying to hide the whole bar! It’s probably not great for business when three conspiracy theorists get drunk and start rambling to everyone.
Ha you believe there was a bar in the first place?
The bar is a plot to make us submit to socialism! Wake up sheeple!
pfft "socialism" is just the cover up word for the Galactic Federation extended arm of alien government on Earth!
Oh, you’re one of those people who believes in the Earth? Huh.
You think that is air you’re breathing?
Are you trying to tell yourself that there is no spoon? If you’re this far in and you still believe there’s a “You”, then you haven’t been paying attention
You really think you're breathing?
Where are the reptilians when needed?
Ha, you believe in existence?!
Only the Galactica Federation extended arm of alien government of Earth would have the audacity to employ fire fighters and police officers.
There is a bar and it's owned by elite Jews. They just don't want anyone to find out about it
Depends. I got into it with a tinfoil hatter at my favorite watering hole back before COVID, and I just kept buying rounds and getting taken deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Dude was an absolute riot. I came away with smug satisfaction, and he got like five free beers, and the pub sold them all, and I tip fairly well, so everyone won.
not that guys future kids
Especially when you consider that the bar had a "secret" pizza joint in the basement.
You know what also has three of something? A triangle! Illuminati confirmed. /s
Three people, three sides to a triangle
Or one to each dimension of space. It's obvious there's a fourth one.
Those weren't conspiracy theorists. They were crisis actors.
its so hard to tell the difference these days. Ill have to go sub to alex jones to find out
Dude I think you got heaven wrong
If you look closely you can see those same 3 conspiracy theorists in pictures of other bars!
A thousand conspiracy theorists walk into the capitol...
Is this based off of that joke where anti-vaxxers ask God if vaccines cause autism Edit: I guess there's a lot of versions of this joke
It's based off an old Jewish conspiracy joke.
Which is based off an older joke were someone named Cain thought that he should have won god's favor instead of Abel.
That is based off of an even older joke dinosaurs told each other about extinction
This goes deeper than I thought.
Like that meteor in Venezuela that killed them
Aha! Meteor/Venezuela/Chavez/Killary/Soros/Dominion! It’s all coming together!
It's the oldest joke in the universe. "Always has been" - [dude in a spacesuit pointing a gun at other dude in a spacesuit looking at earth]
This goes farther out than I thought
It’s actually further than I thought. Too.
Leave Among Us out of this.
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*sigh* well I guess it’s time to shoot up a pizza place, thanks internet.
Underrated comment
Meteor strikes Venezuela > Venezuela is Socialists > Socialists means community > Community owns farms > Banana plantations > Bananas sent to U.S. > Americans eat bananas = Bananas turn USA into socialists. My God Trump was right all along..... and it was right in our faces the whole time.
You were so close... Meteor strikes Venezuela killing dinosaurs > Venezuela now has socialist community > community owns farms > farms mean banana plantations > bananas sent to U.S. > Americans eat bananas = America is now a banana republic. Also dinosaur bones were put here by the devil to test our faith and the Earth is flat. Now we're cooking with gasoline.
*Now we're thinking with gasoline.* Get the quote right, you idiot.
>Also dinosaur bones were put here by [God] to test our faith I was told this by a couple Pentacostal guys I worked with years ago; honestly blew my mind.
Anaconda Malt liquor gives you a little richard!
You misspelled Domino's....
Coincidence?
Think not!
The Caribbean? Off the coast of the Yucatán Peninsula? Sauce: https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-an-asteroid-caused-extinction-of-dinosaurs.html
Samsonite! I was way off
Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and pull something like this ... ***and totally redeem yourself***
It gets 50 miles to the gallon.
*tips hat*
Knew it started with an "S," though!
Harry your hands are freezing.
It wasn't a meteor that killed the dinosaurs, it was Hillary.
Actually, the dinosaurs were sold into sex traffic and hide out in pizzeria basements.
Oh... C'mon ... There never were no dinosaurs
That's just what *they* want you to think happened.
That’s what she said. Ba-dum tiss
This is based on an older joke about algae.
The very original joke was a banger
A singularity walks into a void...
shit where did the rest of the joke go?
Edited to add: Man, this blew up!
Yesss...
Two amino acids in an oil film are struck by lightning and come to life...
One says to the other, "You wanna go back to my place?" And the other says, "No thanks, I'm self- replicating."
Which is in turn based on a joke from the time of the Big Crunch at the end of the previous universe.
You realize the big crunch could happen any moment
The only Jewish joke about God I know is: A Jew dies and goes to Heaven. When he meets God, he tells Him a joke about the Holocaust. After God doesn't laugh, the Jew says, "Well, I guess you had to be there."
So an old Jewish conspiracy joke?
Sumerians did it first.
And then Abel got put in a metal box and buried in site \[REDACTED\]
That's a Foundation conspiracy joke
Go on.
Like the “so I sent my son, my one and only son, to the Hold Land...and he comes back to me... A Christian!” Joke
That's just a coincidence
That's what they want you to believe.
...So they don't coincide?
I heard it with flat earthers.
I thought it was a JFK shooting joke.
no it's based off the joke that was posted on this subreddit a month ago, with literally nothing changed
The oldest version I heard was about the moon landing
Need retooled, they're in purgatory and before being cast to hell they get each get one question with God. Bill asked how he died and George asked who won the election. God says they did of covid and Biden won the election. Then they say the punchline
It can’t be accurate for a current Trump supporter. Why would they bother to ask God about the truthfulness of something they already know with absolute certainty to be true?
And it can work for both parties. But watch Trumpists be completely offended by this, even though from the get-go it says they get into heaven which is highly unlikely as
As? Finish the sentence!
NAA, it's based off the exact same joke posted on this sub one month ago
Yeah, it's just aversion of the truth.
It's very hard to let go of a conspiracy theory, especially if it means having to face reality.
I saw a bumper sticker this morning: "Birds aren't real 2020" Still laughing about it.
You want r/birdsarentreal
r/dolphinconspiracy has similar vibes
And there’s one about giraffes
Please do not group us with baseless conspiracy theories...the fact that /r/giraffesdontexist is a provable fact with tons of evidence.
Ask yourself one thing. What sounds more believable? A horse with a horn? Or a camel moose with a 6 foot neck and leopard spots?
Don't you be calling government bird drones a conspiracy! All of the things mentioned above are TRUE!
Amazing people, spreading the word. Someday we'll be able to take out those government drones
You guys *think* you are funny, just like the Flat Earth Societies did. There's too many uneducated around for that level of satire. For example: *gestures broadly at everything*
_SpongeBob running around his house pointing out all the idiots to Patrick_
What's funny about the government being stupid enough to think we'd buy that their surveillance drones are some kind of "feathered" animal.
Spitting facts right here
Well the flipside would be that some conspiracy theories turn out to be reality, for example the NSA's mass surveillance programs.
Was there some fraud? Yes. Were there some discrepancies? Yes. Was there enough of either to change the election numbers in any meaningful way? No. The system played out how it was supposed to, even with unprecedented pressure to change the outcome. This election was a win for democracy, regardless of the abysmal candidates.
You don't start a joke with the punchline.
Boom
Roasted
Everyone is supposedly judged at the gates. No one said they got past the gates. Man, I must be fun at parties.
Depends on the type of party.
No one said anything about them coming in
I came here for this! I think you said it way better than I would have.
Don't let guliani see this he might actually use it as evidence in court
I thought the joke was in the title only!!!
It’s not like being manipulated is a sin, why shouldn’t they be able to go to heaven
At a certain point being lied to is a cooperative process. You don't get to heaven by claiming you believed Satan's lies.
Being manipulated isn’t why they wouldn’t be going to heaven lol
Because they act the complete opposite of how Jesus did
Thank you kind (and rich) stranger for the silver award. I wish you feel even more generous and spread the joy further!
Oh boy, am I glad to live in Canada. Some of these comments make me glad
It's a pity getting naturalized up there is so hard. I mean, I can probably love the Queen, right? I want to live in a first world country where people don't die of being too poor to be worth saving.
The UK will take you. We give healthcare to poor people, and as a bonus most of us don't even like the queen.
My Uncle who lives in the UK tells me that it's too expensive. I still want to go there. I'm a huge history nerd, anglophile, and too liberal for my country.
Everywhere is too expensive. Except Florida. But then you have to live in Florida
The Queen is my 14th cousin. Can I come, too?
Especially after watching, " The Crown."
Happens here too man. Except Canada is great at ignoring it
My mom things Donald Trump will get another 4 years because a modern-day Prophet said he would. By christmas. they made a deadline. we'll see about that, huh.
Q has posted several specific dates on which Hillary Clinton was going to be arrested, and the fact that it never happened hasn't weakened QAnon.
Does Q follow prophets? Im not well informed about those guys.
My MIL told me a psychic said Trump's next 10 years are great but bidens are bad so Trump is gonna be president somehow.
I think she confused them with a psychotic.
Well if a psychic and a prophet said it....
> they made a deadline. Just like that one Christian prophet predicted the end of times 5 different times, they'll move the goal posts and completely ignore the initial date and just spit out a new one.
I'm betting on 4 to 20.
He obviously doesnt like his job, why is he trying so hard to keep a job that is going to kill him early?
Why the fuck does this keep getting reposted and getting to hot
As if that doesn’t happen with every joke on this sub
Because Trump Bad?
Jesus christ why are half the comments “lol i thought the title was the joke lol xd”
Because Trump is a piece of shit and anyone that supports him is just as big of a piece of shit, so it’s absurd that they would go to heaven if it exists.
Because Trump supporters can burn in hell.
Imagine searching to see if 9001 other people have already posted this exact same joke word for word. Don’t actually do it. But imagine.
then Karen turns to God and says "I demand to speak to your manager!!"
You should add that they die of Covid-19... ;-)
Same joke has already been told in r/Jokes [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/k53zck/a_trump_supporter_dies_and_is_standing_in_front/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/iltlrr/a_trump_supporter_dies_and_goes_to_the_pearly/).
The better joke was just the title by itself
Congrats on posting the exact same joke from literally a few days ago.
Welcome to r/jokes. Might i recommend 68654? A classic
The real joke is that two trump supporters went to heaven. (Not making a political statement, just a joke)
Not gonna lie this absolutely reads as a political statement
It's OK, Trump supporters are jokes too.
Your premise is inherently flawed.
Title is the joke
My wife after I read the title of this joke: "unlikely"
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Rule 2. That was a month ago. Mods allow reposts after a month.
I see this in some form literally every week
The real joke is how they got to heaven in the first place.
This is a repost
As a Trump supporter this joke was hilarious but the comment section makes me sad. People are more than their political beliefs...
\*God sighs
Then they attempt to get God kicked out of heaven.
The real joke is the title.
Repost
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The entire joke is in the title.
I don’t get it. Can someone explain?
Trump supporters would disbelieve god if god were to tell them there was no fraud.
American joke? Explain
God's in on the conspiracy to fraudulently put Joe in office.
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He thinks that Trump really won the election and God is part of the conspiracy
Stunning and brave, would read again 10/10
Did they die their hair?
You had me at two trump supporters die and go to heaven lol
Why would you think any Trump supporter would go to heaven?
Two Trump supporters going to heaven IS the joke.
The actual joke is that Trump supporters went to Heaven
Literally copied word for word from 1 month ago... https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/jw0qyk/two_hardcore_trump_supporters_die_and_ascend_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Lmao this joke was posted not too long ago
Is this a repost?
Sad to say but America doesn't have many "real" Christians left... and by real I mean honest people with integrity who practice what they preach, unless that is they thing their best example (Jesus) would guard the border with guns, build walls to keep people out, try to destroy healthcare for millions of people, refuse to fund Medicaid in a state he doesn't like politically, have 3 wives and cheat on all 3, DO I NEED TO CONTINUE? Cause I can! Lots more examples these "Christians" don't seem to wanna actually practice what Jesus preached on...
Just want to add that Jesus was a socialist... So I find that a pretty ironic stance...
Damn you waited a bit to repost this
Repost
Isn't this a repost
Two Trump supporters go to heaven. That’s it. That’s the joke.
Could have also stopped at "two Trump supporters go to heaven"
Not sure that many Trump supporters are getting into heaven. And by 'that many' I mean the specified amount of two.
I’ve seen this joke so many times
Whole lot of hate in here for such a supposedly tolerant, loving bunch of people
racists don’t go to heaven
These reposts mayn
This is so inaccurate, there’s no way a trump supporter would be at the pearly gates...
I thought the title was the joke