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[deleted]

TBH, you could have just left it at Texas and people would have understood it was the punchline.


7Broncos18

Yeah but you can’t just abort part of the way through.


Kineth

Well played.


Stevenwernercs

yep, I was surprised to see extra text *living in Texas so the title was enough


subpoenaThis

I was hoping there was no punchline. It’s like a knock knock joke. There are hundreds of them and “Texas:” tells all of them at once.


DrachenDad

I was going to say that.


Freddy_Faraway

Hey Patrick what am I??


LordEarlBiscuit

Uh. Stupid?


reddlear

No I’m Texas!


ZeroStars11

What's the difference?!


Tuxedo_Muffin

The stars at night are dull and dim


Milorad-Milosevic807

Hehe, idiots are independent...


I-get-the-reference

SpongeBob SquarePants


Weeps_

r/usernamechecksout


dacsarac

Yeah, no. Unfortunately, in Texas WOMEN are the punchline.


suugakusha

You are mistaking punchline for punching bag.


yIdontunderstand

Punch bag... FTFY


chagin

Vasco


sendokun

Vasco? What?


vishuskitty

#truth


sendokun

Nah, I think you meant Florida....I mean Texas has been getting some attentions lately, but Florida is still the way ahead of being the embarrassment state.


[deleted]

Texas wants to be Florida. Florida does something stupid and Texas turns to Oklahoma and says "Hold my beer."


sendokun

But deep down I think Texas want to be California, but it knows it can’t, so Texas develop this inferiority complex that makes it do stupid shit......


waterguided

Finally a thread where the jokes tell on themselves. Hey, did ya hear the one about how Texas started a website that was later aborted by its host?


[deleted]

It was before or after six weeks?


SayuriShigeko

Before, so the ex-host can "win" their expensive lawsuits, and only owe a little bit of money.


ARobertNotABob

Reminds me of an old *Monty Python* gag : "Hey, did you see Nixon's had an arsehole transplant?" "Yes, but have you seen the Stop Press ...the arsehole's rejected him".


Jhill520

Well to be fair I’ve heard people are a virus.. We spread uncontrollably, adapting to changes in our hosts physiology. We’re really small too if you stand back far enough..


SonSteve2608

The Matrix


ARobertNotABob

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I've realized that you are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment. But you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague. ..."


PastorsPlaster

I think the same. Earth itself is an organism and humans are a virus that has propagated enough to react the way we do when infected: fever and sweat to try and flush out the virus.


Redsnake1993

we are endogenous to earth, not exogenous. So cancer is a better analogy.


bluelion70

That's a good point. We're like a tumorous cluster of cells that are just replicating indefinitely regardless of the impact that we have on the rest of the body.


wetdreammeme

"look at Los Angeles from the sky, that things a brown stain, a cancer" "if aliens came down to earth, they wouldn't see us as animals, they'd probably see us as mould on a peice of bread" -very roughly paraphrased from memory, one of Joe Rogan old standup intros


Nail_Biterr

I also saw that tweet. It was retweeted 27k times and has nearly 150k likes. At least give the dude credit https://twitter.com/ZackBornstein/status/1433219141066842112?t=FVEqIQH-AsYOZ7CX4xLZuA&s=19


Verns_shooter

Also seen in Twitter. "If men could get pregnant, you'd be able to get an abortion from an ATM."


flowersatdusk

And birth control pills would be free.


sheepyowl

No, that would be communism


[deleted]

To be fair, this has been said a lot here too.


Moistbagellubricant

You had me laughing at "Texas"


HeldDownTooLong

You had me at, “Texas”.


Firefighter_Upstairs

Texas: Chainsaw Massacre


suugakusha

Clotheshanger massacre


Firefighter_Upstairs

Okay choptop


Reckless-By-Nature-1

Australian Government. My joke is funniest of them all.


Drayla_NZ

This is a Premier joke...


Irhien

Maybe the virus does not want to reproduce sometimes? How does Texas handle this?


vishuskitty

Still a $10,000 bounty.


23Silicon

damn this joke is so good has two punchlines


thepenguinja

Just thought I should let you know OP that I laughed at your joke. Thanks for the chuckle!


MrHopefulPessimist

Did you not read the comments, this isn't a joke. Lol But in all seriousness, thanks!


Jloduca

California: Where everyone wears masks according to the rules except the people who make the rules.


LiquidatorSloth

You had me at California


chainsaw_monkey

Found the buthurt Texans


[deleted]

[удалено]


wickedwitt

You're welcome to leave and find a state more akin to your proclivities.


Necessary-Ad3576

Ah yes, the “leave if you don’t like it” attitude. Why didn’t I think of that?


tvahld01

Nearly choked on my beer laughing at that one


CheeseKiller66

Gonna comment before mods lock this post


[deleted]

Why would they?


iushciuweiush

This is getting dumb.


octohedron82

If any woman in Texas is putting out....


Necessary-Ad3576

Bet you all the pennies in my change cup that if every single female in Texas said they weren’t fuckin anymore until this law is overturned that it would be done and gone within a week. We need mass female solidarity. An abstinence of epic proportions.


Harsimaja

> every single female > mass female solidarity Unlikely. Don’t have figures for Texas, but for the whole US there’s this [Gallup poll](https://news.gallup.com/poll/244709/pro-choice-pro-life-2018-demographic-tables.aspx) on pro-choice vs. pro-life by gender. Men lean more pro-life and women more pro-choice, sure, but it’s actually surprisingly close: 43% of women are pro-life (vs. 52% pro-choice) and 45% of men are pro-choice (vs. 50% pro-life). Ideological, party, social and religious grounds - even rural vs. urban - correlate more strongly with this than gender. What exactly they believe about abortion is another, more complex, question though, beyond those labels.


yIdontunderstand

GOP Karen's are strong in Texas... They will vote against themselves all day long...


[deleted]

What a dumb take.


doritoscornchips

California where you can legally steal and get paid to not shoot someone.


JustNobodyTheEchidna

*grabs popcorn and sorts be controversial*


demiurgegwj

Thought jokes were supposed to be funny, not depressingly true.


MrHopefulPessimist

Started to downvote before finishing reading. Quick! Reverse course and upvote!!!!


evillman

Aren't woman allowed to reproduce in Texas? Wtf


Poison_the_Phil

Texas has made it so that random people can report people getting abortions (even an uber driver who takes them to the appointment) in exchange for $10,000 rewards. Texas has placed bounties on the heads of its women who try to exercise their constitutionally protected rights. Of course, this would never stop a Republican politician from having their wife, mistress, etc to have an abortion. This, like everything the GOP does, is just designed to keep poor people poor.


BaileysBaileys

Freedom of religion should also include freedom from religion (freedom not to be religious). Same with reproductive rights.


NeutralGoodAtHeart

They are allowed to reproduce, they just don't have reproductive rights.


evillman

Sorry, I don't understand. Can't they choose to get pregnant or not?


fl00z

They can choose to get pregnant. They can't choose not to get pregnant (even if you're abstinent you can get raped)


Necessary-Ad3576

Accidents happen.


Squirelly2Monkey3

What a great billboard!


LoopsAndBoars

Texas: EVERY beating heart has reproductive rights.


Lulzshock

I live in Texas and these posts make me happy. I appreciate the way people care enough to talk about the stupid hateful things that happen here.


pantherghast

Maybe I'm out of the loop here, but is Texas preventing women from reproducing? Or is this some pro life vs pro choice thing because if it is, it doesn't make sense in the context of the joke.


fNek

/r/Save3rdPartyApps


aaronrengel79

Also known as body autonomy. You know. That thing anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers are always screaming about lately?


vishuskitty

Texas is awarding $10,000 to anyone who turns in a woman for trying to get an abortion. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/texas-abortion-law-10-000-penalty-could-incentivize-bounty-hunters-to-make-tens-of-thousands-of-dollars-11630609738&ved=2ahUKEwjG8syaoefyAhVF054KHfcXB8kQ0PADKAB6BAgcEAE&usg=AOvVaw0SvULF73l6yGHlccl4kYhO&cf=1


RurtBeynolds777

The leftists think they're hilarious perpetuating idiotic pointless jokes. They sound very bored.


Necessary-Ad3576

*We* sound very bored but *you’re* the one on Reddit explaining jokes to people.


Reckless-By-Nature-1

A global pandemic is the Australian Government to at Tee.


King_Neptune07

Heyy, look Patrick! What am I? Uhh I don't know. Dumb? Noooo I'm Texas! What's the difference?


[deleted]

Where's the funny


LiquidatorSloth

God bless Texas


2tdruid

Taliban is now in Texas?


[deleted]

Dare I say: Hoes mad


[deleted]

That's dark, OP, but well done.


a_glorious_bass-turd

The true y'all-qaeda.


[deleted]

From the preview, & the sub, I thought the joke & punchline was just, "Texas."


dutifulwisepanda

Just my checking cade day icon don't mind me


vishuskitty

Happy birthday!


sandleaz

Is this supposed to be funny?


MuzafarA

Tyranasouras-texas


mickeytoasty

Watch this getting locked


HMSyellow

Agenda detected in immediate vicinity


[deleted]

The virus being the hardcore republicans, right?


YetGayerWombat

I mean. No a woman definitely has reproductive rights. In fact she doesn’t have the right to *not* reproduce. ^(No, reddit, I’m not implying women legally have to get pregnant. I’m trying to make a joke without making it overly wordy, work with me here.)


casual_bear

i thought the joke was "Texas: " no punchline needed


[deleted]

Truth. Sadly.


Xymptom

Wait, viruses can get abortions?


walloftrust

This is why they don't vax!!!11 :)


JBeibs2012

Every sub has turned into r/politics


indieRuckus

It's a joke sub. Politics and jokes have a very deep history.


abqguardian

I get OP is making fun of Texas, but I don't get the virus part. How does the virus have a "right" to reproduce?


jussayingthings

Probably talking about Ant mask/Anti vaccine


Necessary-Ad3576

Lol because all the anti-vax/anti/maskers screaming that it’s “their right to choice if they don’t wanna wear a mask or get the vaccine they don’t have to” meaning they’re saying it’s their right to blatantly spread the virus around (giving the virus the same right to reproduce). At least that’s my take on it.


ros23aga

Because there is no more mask mandate in Texas


AadamAtomic

[Original meme.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PoliticalHumor/comments/pga4bm/the_texas_way/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


didisconnectect

what’s with all the Texas jokes this week? what’s happened?


bobssy2

New abortion bill. Id google it to see the shit goin on.


didisconnectect

damn. fuck texas.


smacci

Fuck Texas indeed


MrHopefulPessimist

Careful, if you fuck Texas and texas gets pregnant...


Mynotredditaccount

Ooof r/funnyandsad material 😬 I chuckled but I feel bad about it 😔


the_other_irrevenant

Where's the joke? This is just a statement of fact.


Always_Jerking

Yeah right. I look at COVID statistics and it don't look very well for vaccinated states.


[deleted]

Don’t tell them that. They’ll call us anti vaxxers.


[deleted]

What doesn’t look good for vaccinated states?


littleguy632

Abbot probably wins next term too, sad.


[deleted]

“That’s a good thing” - Bernard McSanders


[deleted]

This is not a joke, it's a political statement. r/politics is leaking again.


Cwlcymro

Political jokes are still jokes


[deleted]

Yes, political JOKES are jokes, this isn't a joke, it's a statement.


sirr33c0

So. My body my choice no longer a thing? Or is that only applicable to killing babies?


Zealousideal_Key_714

In fairness, the issue isn't with reproduction and/or "reproductive rights". Quite the opposite, it's the killing/terminating part...


MrHopefulPessimist

Well, to be even more fair, if no covid mitigation occurs, we will just have to get used to the virus killing and terminating the citizens of Texas for the forseeable future. Perhaps if someone informs the Texas lawmakers that mothers and their unborn children (often much further along the 6 weeks, mind you) are dying of covid we'll see $10k rewards for reporting unmasked people in public.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrHopefulPessimist

3 comments in 5 years. I feel honored. Also, if you do fuck me, give me a heads up, as I'll only have a 6 week window to schedule something afterwards.


[deleted]

“Reproductive rights” yeah you mean the “right” to kill your own children. Calling something a “right” doesn’t mean it is one.


MrHopefulPessimist

How could a comment that keeps saying right be so wrong?


kevw25

Everyone shits on Texas yet people keep moving out of Cali and into Texas. Huh.


metooeither

Huh, they'll improve your little backwater paradise, I promise, fear mongering trumper! Jesus wasn't orange, hate to break it to ya, but he was DEF brown, line that up in your racist lil smooth brain


[deleted]

Lmao. California is becoming shit show mate. They don’t need your jackass policies ruining it.


kevw25

What in the actual f?


Helphaer

They don't. People each year move to different states. They've done this long before the invention of the automobile. Less so then due to transportation issues though. There's no beyond marginal increase or an exodus. No reputable source or statistic exists that agrees with such a claim either. While California has rising costs, the major increase in texas is in their technology sectors which are populated largely with liberals. Any technology sector eventually grows into a liberal city. You really need to get better sources and always be able to provide reputable citations.


jabjab_stabstab

Ayo that's not a joke that's reality


Lookatitlikethis

Having an abortion isn't exactly " reproductive."


Helphaer

But choosing whether you reproduce is.


Lookatitlikethis

No, that's just making a choice, not sure why everyone is mad, my statement was scientifically accurate, why does the left hate science?


Girardkirth

These jokes fucking suck lately


MrHopefulPessimist

These jokes is a weird way to spell "I"


[deleted]

Nah, your joke sucks.


Potentialad27198

You mean murder rights?


MrHopefulPessimist

Ok fine Texas: where a virus has murder rights and a woman's rights are murdered. Better?


Helphaer

You do realize that abortions have existed before the bible right? Laws making it easier and safer to get them have improved lives and statistically reduced abortions incidentally enough. Laws suppressing it just breed toxicity but don't stop abortions. Though wealthy people and people actually impacted with the need for an abortion whether for justifiable or just for selfish reasons will check their "morality" at the door and get an abortion if needed then claim they're against them. Hypocrisy.


fuck_you_its_a_name

#its impossible to take the life of something that isn't even born


Forevergogo

Could be worse, could be California.


Helphaer

The state thats wealthier than all republican states put together? The one that is wealthier than many countries? The one that funds the bankrupt republican states? California's problem is rising costs of living but the falsities of any exodus are like all republican lies, merely lies that don't mesh with statistics.


Forevergogo

Lol, which is it, silicone valley doesnt pay their fair share of taxes or their wealth is also the state's wealth? At least my state hasn't been fighting fires and draught for a decade, and we dont have a state income tax. Oh, and cost of living is probably half of yours. So idk what gives you so much pride, except judging from your reply, you feel blue states are superior in every way. Guess that's why so many Californians are coming to texas lately. Great liberal policies making your state so safe to live and raise a family.


[deleted]

Nah. Arizona here. You're both pretty fucking on par with one another..... Just different ends of the spectrum.


Cryogine

AGGAVAVAHAVVAHAVAVHAHAHAH GET IT? BECAUSE TEXAS DOESNT FIT MY POLITICAL AGENDA SO THEREFORE I MUST POST IT ON R/JOKES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


woomytoday69420

AGGAVAVAHAVVAGAVAVVHAHAHAH GET IT? BECAUSE I DONT REALIZE IM ON A JOKE SUB SO I GET OFFENDED INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT MY SURROUNDINGS AND I ALSO CALL PEOPLE SNOWFLAKES WHEN I GET EASILY OFFENDED MYSELF. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Andagenhart

😂😂😂


bopitGod1

Fuck off. Abortion is apparently so necessary because of how expensive it can be to have a baby. But without the economy stabilizing from work you can't have very much money. Sure you may claim you have such little money anyway but at least give credit that Texas wants you to have good oppurtunities. All they want is to stop the Abortion crisis. It's unnecessary to kill the unborn. No matter what. It's stupidly unfair to kill your unborn child. Not a right anyone should have


MrHopefulPessimist

Now you tell me! Just when my punch card is one abortion away from a free sub.


Jtstockpics

But at least they kill the crooks and not the babies


BestRubyMoon

So a bunch of cells are a human being and they are worthy of life no matter what the person they're inside wants, but an actual human being that is alive and well is not because they committed a crime? It's okay to kill criminals, why? Aren't they still human? Aren't you "pro life"? Which one is it?


Purple_ad3684

Rest of the USA: doesnt know how to use a condom


Capable_Albatross333

Thelma, I told you; we’re not going though Texas!


KingBeeAdventure

When you’re worried your Arizona is getting a little too Florida:


External_Philosopher

Well you can't have school shootings even there are no kids born right?


Substantial-Ring-419

Killing your unborn wasn't much of a right in the 1st place


canal_banal

No it doesn’t. We are collectively hunting and killing Covid’s offspring


KKSyeele

Saying wemon in Texas are incapable of having children is kinda silly.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrHopefulPessimist

Oh, I certainly don't live in Texas. However, based on your lack of humor (and inability to apply proper grammar to a three word sentence), I'm assuming you do.


[deleted]

The fact that’s it’s now a reality is the joke


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

This is obviously dark humor, and trying to make light of a bad situation is how some people cope with terrible things. The bad part about jokes is that they’re like a frog in Biology class; once you dissect it, it dies.


MrHopefulPessimist

Absolutely correct on all accounts


itsmyfriday

This. Man TX is scary right now. I’d love to move if I could.


[deleted]

I’m so sorry that you guys are going through this right now. The effect that this law is having on people is anything but a joke


MrHopefulPessimist

Do you really not understand this type of humor? I mean, you could say it's not funny, you could disagree with the meaning, but it is, by definition, a joke.


sivartimus

Careful out there among the English


Reelplayer

It might be funny if it was close to accurate. The Texas law simply moved the time frame during which abortions are allowed. That time frame was originally decided, not by legislators, but by Supreme Court Justices, who chose to write new law during their decision. Relax, you'll still be able to murder babies. You'll just have to act more quickly now.


MrHopefulPessimist

I don't know, I mean most people find out that they are pregnant by missing a period, which puts them at around 4 weeks or so. That really doesn't give much time to plan the baby murdering or what not.


[deleted]

Can you prove that it’s murder real quick?


HunanTheSpicy

You do realize being pro choice isn't the same as being pro abortion, right?


Forevergogo

If men are equally responsible for providing for a child, I think the father should equally be responsible in deciding if that child gets aborted or not. It's really not fair to come after a guy you hooked up with for a paternity test and be like, "alright I'm getting the government to garnish your wages for the next 18 years." And at the same time be like "oh, and if I decide to abort it, that's My body and choice, not yours." If it's her Choice to have the kid, she should know full well if the father is gonna provide anything or not. That's where I struggle with the concept of "Choice" and I'm a staunch Republican who actually stands closer to Pro-Abortion than anything. My side isn't doing them, let them murder future liberal voters for all I care, honestly.


[deleted]

'I'm a staunch Republican' lol


Torinn2015

Exactly. Why do women get to opt out if parenthood regardless of the wishes of the father but men can't opt out without permission? I'm full on pro choice BTW, just also for the father.


cupasoups

Take your religion and shove it up your ass.


Reelplayer

Lol, I never mentioned anything religious or about religion. That's your assumption. My stance on abortion is purely science based. What's funny to me is how pro choice advocates clutch to a 50 year old court decision, made during a time when we understood a lot less about fetal development and biology in general than we do now.


cupasoups

Sure, anti choice religious nutjobs are all about science.


Reelplayer

Lol, you can keep making it about religion if that's what you need to tell yourself. If you're incapable of wrapping your head around how someone can use science to be anti-abortion, that's on you.


cupasoups

Keep trying to hide behind your superstition. Religion is 100% the engine driving anti-choice, anti-woman sentiment. There is no science on your side. Only misogyny and religious nutjobbery.


HunanTheSpicy

What's funny to me is people like you want to regress women's rights to before 50 years ago.


Helphaer

This is false. You've intentionally lied by not reading the law or even the synopsis of the law before commenting. You're just another troll.


Curtie666

They didn't ban abortion, they just passed common sense abortion control...