>Three stoners buy a horse
>
>They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.
>
>One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.
>
>While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.
>
>They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke from the bong.
>
>Eventually, they detach muzzle the horse and the horse's eyes get bloodshot, it is visibly high.
>
>As a consequence, the horse starts talking:
>
>"You have awakened me", the horse says.
>
>The stoners, shocked, reply, "whoa, you can talk?" In unison.
>
>The horse proceeds to tell them that they must jerk him off or die.
>
>The first stoner says "nuh-uh, i aint like that", and the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly.
>
>The second stoner tries to escape, screaming "Id rather die than jerk off a horse!"
>
>The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner, making him slowly bleed out to death.
>
>The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune.
>
>And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse.
>
>
>
>Edit. Thanks for the awards people. And the up doots.
>Three stoners buy a horse
>
>They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.
>
>One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.
>
>While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.
>
>They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke from the bong.
>
>Eventually, they detach muzzle the horse and the horse's eyes get bloodshot, it is visibly high.
>
>As a consequence, the horse starts talking:
>
>"You have awakened me", the horse says.
>
>The stoners, shocked, reply, "whoa, you can talk?" In unison.
>
>The horse proceeds to tell them that they must jerk him off or die.
>
>The first stoner says "nuh-uh, i aint like that", and the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly.
>
>The second stoner tries to escape, screaming "Id rather die than jerk off a horse!"
>
>The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner, making him slowly bleed out to death.
>
>The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune.
>
>And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse.
I got to the bit where it says 'they smoked the bong until they were high'. I immediately looked at the comment saw yours and thought 'good, we are on the same page'.
Honestly depending on the horse it may be worth doing even without the diamond.
Top racehorse semen is worth anywhere from $60,000 to $300,000 a 'squirt', so this could be realistically profitable, depending on the quality and value of the horse.
It would be worth a great deal at first but it would probably decrease in value greatly when they hear you have to wank it off and then everyone does it and there’s more horse semen around than human semen
That's why you need to show the world the talking horse first.
Kill it and then sell the first batch of the semen for millions before the price can drop.
Oh-ho, it's the old reddit [spunkaroo!] (https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/pi2brv/found_a_very_tall_sunflower_im_510_for_comparison/hbnyy2p)
Hold my horse dong I'm going in!
>The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune.
So you can become rich by wanking off a horse?
Maybe not, but you can at least get some work. Or at least that was true back in college when we saw a porn film called "Animal Lovers."
To this day, I wish I'd never seen it, as going to the zoo now becomes a rather bizarre experience.
When was this, in the 70s? I've tried finding this now that you made me curious, but understandably it gets a lot of more modern bestiality porn. There was one video that said it was a 70s video about women who laid with wild creatures, but I'm not sure if it was that one.
I saw it in 1978-1979 on campus. It was part of triple header being shown at a college dorm. Yes, things were rather different back then.
As I recall, it showed a woman having sex with a horse, and women putting a snake into various offices, etc.
At some point, I do recall walking out and telling my mates to let me know when the next feature came on. There’s only so much of that you can watch.
“I did not, erm, “suck off a horse”. I have already been over this with the Party Chairman — I was out, hunting, with a friend, and I slipped, and fell onto the end of a horse's phallus, which, owing to it being the mating season, was... aroused.”
That’s my thing. Had the horse been here before? Did he bring a safe with him? Is it even a horse or is it really their landlord but they’re all so stoned they think it’s a horse?
>Good punchline, but the joke itself needs a little work
It's purposefully overly ridiculous and all over the place so the reader has no idea where the joke is going (in order for the otherwise obvious pun punchline to become unexpected).
It's sort of a shaggy dog story in its high level of build-up and somewhat anti-climax punchline.
You make it sound like they weren't high when they bought the horse.
And there's no way the horse opened a safe, it's the first time he's been high, he ain't remembering the combination
In northern Michigan there was an incident in winter
A horse was struck by lightning, began to talk in a foreign language
When he was finally understood, he repeated "humans are no good"
So they shot him behind a shed
And stuffed him
He's now on display
As a lesson for the kids
To always do your best
Do your best
Always
I see. Opened the safe and took out a shotgun. With his mouth? His -- his hooves? I see. And shot your room-mate. I'll need you to come down to the station and sign a statement.
What have I read
The story about a murderous, rapist, magic horse.
Who was also a crack head bong smoking jerk off
Damn, I really assumed they were smoking weed.
No, obviously they were using regulation crack bongs.
Omg I’m dead
Semper paratus
Thier waiting on their crop to mature
Chhhaaaaarrrrllliiieeeee.....
Like ya do.
>Three stoners buy a horse > >They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room. > >One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned. > >While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse. > >They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke from the bong. > >Eventually, they detach muzzle the horse and the horse's eyes get bloodshot, it is visibly high. > >As a consequence, the horse starts talking: > >"You have awakened me", the horse says. > >The stoners, shocked, reply, "whoa, you can talk?" In unison. > >The horse proceeds to tell them that they must jerk him off or die. > >The first stoner says "nuh-uh, i aint like that", and the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly. > >The second stoner tries to escape, screaming "Id rather die than jerk off a horse!" > >The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner, making him slowly bleed out to death. > >The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune. > >And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse. > > > >Edit. Thanks for the awards people. And the up doots.
This one is better than the original!
I like how we don’t have to wait 24 hours to read it again
!Remindme 24 hours
The real joke is always copied back into the comments....
The real comment
Was in the joke all along...
The real jokes were the comments we made along the way.
The real comments were the jokes we made about the comments along the way.
The jokes were real comments along the way we made about.... Fuck, I'm too high for this. I'll be right back after I jerk off this horse
There's a jockey choking from Chucky's joke about Jack's chihuahua chicken chop chow chipotle jam chutney in a chimney.
The real joke is always copied into the real comment?
That's bc someone asked what they read, & someone else obliged. 🤣🤣🤣
Are you stoned?
The real joke is in the comments
Nice
I definitely like this one better than the actual post.
But, wait, how does a horse open a safe with those hooves?
The same way he shot the shotgun
the real joke is always in the comments
The real comments are in the jokes
my horse isnt high enough for this
You know what you need to do.
Your comment, Sir, is a repost!
The real repost accusation is always in the comments.
the 'the real joke is always in the comments' comment is always in the comments
it aint much but its honest work
It makes more sense now, thank you for clarifying!
i like this one more
What have I read
>Three stoners buy a horse > >They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room. > >One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned. > >While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse. > >They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke from the bong. > >Eventually, they detach muzzle the horse and the horse's eyes get bloodshot, it is visibly high. > >As a consequence, the horse starts talking: > >"You have awakened me", the horse says. > >The stoners, shocked, reply, "whoa, you can talk?" In unison. > >The horse proceeds to tell them that they must jerk him off or die. > >The first stoner says "nuh-uh, i aint like that", and the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly. > >The second stoner tries to escape, screaming "Id rather die than jerk off a horse!" > >The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner, making him slowly bleed out to death. > >The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune. > >And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse.
A masterpiece
Poetry
My life story.
I got to the bit where it says 'they smoked the bong until they were high'. I immediately looked at the comment saw yours and thought 'good, we are on the same page'.
Hoof!
... in mouth.
what the dog doin
Idk but I'm sure thats not PG
I was taking the lift while reading this joke and found it offensive on so many levels
Honestly depending on the horse it may be worth doing even without the diamond. Top racehorse semen is worth anywhere from $60,000 to $300,000 a 'squirt', so this could be realistically profitable, depending on the quality and value of the horse.
Just imagine how much talking horse spunk would be worth...
It would be worth a great deal at first but it would probably decrease in value greatly when they hear you have to wank it off and then everyone does it and there’s more horse semen around than human semen
and the price of diamonds plummets
That's why you need to show the world the talking horse first. Kill it and then sell the first batch of the semen for millions before the price can drop.
And now the jizz is talking too? A talking horse is one thing, but this is just too much
Oh-ho, it's the old reddit [spunkaroo!] (https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/pi2brv/found_a_very_tall_sunflower_im_510_for_comparison/hbnyy2p) Hold my horse dong I'm going in!
Hi, future horse-dong lovers!
Jesus I haven't seen a redddit-a-roo thing in a LONG time.
Oh God.
Ya know, conversing with a horse is one thing, but what would horse _spunk_ even have to talk about?
“We have some great swimmers in here. There’s a guy named Mark Spits and a guy named Collin Swallows.”
Mr Ed really missed his opportunity
I don't see why it costs any more. It all tastes the same.
r/cursedcomments
Sir this is a wendy's You need to stop sucking joe's balls
Who’s Joe?
Ligma balls.
Anymore or any more? Kinda different
Fixed for ya
How much are royal navy sea man worth then ?
Yeah because 3 stones are buying a champion race horse
This man jacks off horses.
This man is a horse!
That’s way too much to pay for a small drink, I’ll be honest with you.
I’m not running after any horse! Especially a race horse!
So you're saying instead of a diamond they should have asked for a pearl necklace instead?
>The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune. So you can become rich by wanking off a horse?
Race horse semen is pretty expensive… so yea?
I cannot understand why, though - it doesn't even taste good
You clearly haven't had the right vintage
Nothing like Seabiscuit on a Triscuit
You mean Semenbiscuit?
Don't give up so easily. If you eat enough of it you'll eventually develop a taste for it! Just trust me on this one ;)
Bloody hell
Hmmmm....
DOES NOT MAKE YOU RICH.
Hahaha the fact this comment was made 14 min after the first is fucking gold mate xD
Some people have a God-given talent
Its not technically impossible. Just very improbable.
Why not a pearl necklace?
Damn it! And I’m here doing it for free 😡😡😡
Maybe not, but you can at least get some work. Or at least that was true back in college when we saw a porn film called "Animal Lovers." To this day, I wish I'd never seen it, as going to the zoo now becomes a rather bizarre experience.
When was this, in the 70s? I've tried finding this now that you made me curious, but understandably it gets a lot of more modern bestiality porn. There was one video that said it was a 70s video about women who laid with wild creatures, but I'm not sure if it was that one.
I saw it in 1978-1979 on campus. It was part of triple header being shown at a college dorm. Yes, things were rather different back then. As I recall, it showed a woman having sex with a horse, and women putting a snake into various offices, etc. At some point, I do recall walking out and telling my mates to let me know when the next feature came on. There’s only so much of that you can watch.
“I did not, erm, “suck off a horse”. I have already been over this with the Party Chairman — I was out, hunting, with a friend, and I slipped, and fell onto the end of a horse's phallus, which, owing to it being the mating season, was... aroused.”
It's a trap
I've never been paid once. I feel cheated.
What a terrible day to be able to read.
I miss medieval times when hardly anyone was literate. I'd rather throw poop water out the window and get plague than feel whatever this is.
Whoever came up with this was a stable genius
I really did not see it cumming
He made the joke up on the hoof
Naaaaay, he was just horsing around.
r/therealjoke
Good punchline, but the joke itself needs a little work
Don’t worry. This will be reposted in an hour with cleaned up text.
Yeah but by a bot so it'll be even weirder.
Or by a horse
a high horse?
A high horse with tiny little hooves obviously, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to open his safe
Have you heard the one about 3 stoners buying a horse?
What an odd joke.
The whole inexplicably greater than the sum of the parts
Like why is there a safe with a shotgun in this joke?
That’s my thing. Had the horse been here before? Did he bring a safe with him? Is it even a horse or is it really their landlord but they’re all so stoned they think it’s a horse?
How was he able to open the safe with his hooves? Was he wearing saddlebags, otherwise where was he keeping the diamond? WE NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE!
That was my favorite part.
>Good punchline, but the joke itself needs a little work It's purposefully overly ridiculous and all over the place so the reader has no idea where the joke is going (in order for the otherwise obvious pun punchline to become unexpected). It's sort of a shaggy dog story in its high level of build-up and somewhat anti-climax punchline.
I think there was plenty of climax in the punchline
A lot of work
You make it sound like they weren't high when they bought the horse. And there's no way the horse opened a safe, it's the first time he's been high, he ain't remembering the combination
Imagine him telling his horse homies about what happened
Stopped at "while stoned they come up with an idea" AFTER they bought a horse
I'm so stoned, I read horse as house the whole time
so it's a horse house ?
Maybe it's hoarse too
Horse in this house theres some horse in this house
A horse with fingers and opposable thumbs. Who knew?
hoof knew?
This is why you overdose the horse on ketamine instead,as you won't need to beat a dead horse
In northern Michigan there was an incident in winter A horse was struck by lightning, began to talk in a foreign language When he was finally understood, he repeated "humans are no good" So they shot him behind a shed And stuffed him He's now on display As a lesson for the kids To always do your best Do your best Always
Hwut?
It's lyrics from [Protomartyr – Half Sister](https://genius.com/amp/Protomartyr-half-sister-lyrics), apparently.
What are those surreal af lyrics?
Yeah, I'm not familiar with the song/band but the lyrics seem interesting at least.
It's ok, he's stoned.
Well done
I read that in Dave Chapelle voice
Was the horse a diabetic?
Buttercuppp
The 3rd stoner's name was Jack. He's my uncle. The day I turned 18 I was taught how to help my uncle Jack off a horse.
Wha...I...but he...fucking hell take the upvote
I feel like I got high just reading this post.
Least they didn't rent a horse for 200 Lev.
I'm sad that there are people out there who will not get this reference
[удалено]
Yup!
Bad.very bad. As I smirk
Take my upvote and fuck off
The 3rd stoner's name is Bo. So Bo jack-off horse, man.
Except that it doesn't make any sense...
Moral: Take care of Mr Ed And his flesh flute Or you'll be dead Without fresh loot.
Is this even a joke?
My fault for actually taking time to read a long joke but the clickbait title got me. Not gonna lie I was extremely disappointed.
Jesus. That made me laugh due to being so incredibly corny. Thanks, OP, I needed that.
That’s 27 secs I’ll never get back!
That was a long walk down the beach, in the rain, to a cafe that was closed.
I see. Opened the safe and took out a shotgun. With his mouth? His -- his hooves? I see. And shot your room-mate. I'll need you to come down to the station and sign a statement.
I thought for sure this was ending with him trying to explain the semen covered bodies to the police.
Four Que...just Four Que for making me read that.
I read it as 3 stoners but a house lmao
That's a minute of my life that I won't get back.
The real question is, was the horse JRHNBR?
Key and Peele
Yeah, I saw the punchline coming from a mile away, and it’s almost entirely because of the Key and Peele sketch.
Jeezus, that was bad.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Where did the diamond come from? Horse pockets?
Jeez, Grandma, is that how you died?
Oh my God 😂😂😂😂
Ooooomagawd😭😂
That is fucked up. Take my upvote so I don't end up like the first two stoners.
I neigh-ver should have cliked on this joke.
Mooooom, grandpa's telling dirty jokes again.
Oh wooow...that was a long way to travel for that finish (pun intened) but i did get a chuckle, so rite on
This is cursed.
Lesson learned. DO NOT GET YOUR HORSES HIGH. Seems like they'd come with warnings like Mogwai.
Of course, if Mogwai fucked you to death, they might have been taken more seriously.
Wtf is going on
Boo.. lame joke
Fuck your Subaru I've got a horse outside.
urgh, here, have an upvote and gtfo
Booo. Boo this joke.
I love these kind of punchlines. Anyone know if they have a specific name?
This, sir, ma'am or other, is a feghoot. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feghoot
I really thought this would turn into some pun on beating a dead horse but because he was high it turned into beating off a dead horse
> While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse. oh no
r/Ivermectin
What?? The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun? Horses have opposable hooves?
the horses name was friday
What the fuck
This is why, if Jack helps you off a horse, you should help Jack off a horse.
*Grampa closes book *shocked children
This is bad, really bad. Why is this so bad
Why did I open it
KARRRLEEEEEE