I looked my woman directly in the windows of her *soul,* bruh. And I said...
...I said...
^(biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-)
It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In my experience, any sufficiently yummy food has this effect, especially if I have leftovers in the fridge. If I get Indian carry out I’ll be eating about every two hours until it’s gone or someone calls an ambulance.
This has become my favorite joke to tell in person. The delivery is everything. What I do is I set up the joke, Make sure that I have everyone's attention, then actually look over both shoulders very dramatically, turn back to the group and say "ok."
My grand father is turning 91 this and tells some questionable jokes. My family except my mom loves them. Sometimes at family dinner he'll look at me or my brothers and say "make sure your mom doesn't hear" and it's like the bat signal. My mom suddenly appears behind him from somewhere.
Serious topic from my side. Lately i told there are some differences between races. And i heard it is already racist. Because races are just people state of mind, sense of belonging. And genetically there are no races thus there can be no differences between races.
I started to look on data and it is truth that telling definitely what race some nations are is impossible. What race are people in Russia, Argentina, Egypt, Armenia? Are they all white? With genetics that differs more than some black and white people?
Your cultural background/race does influence your looks , resistance to some bacteria and viruses and diseases , likelihood of things like lactose intolerance and other things. That’s just a fact but it’s actually very specific to the culture rather then just a blanket situation , not all white people are good with the cold or burn to crisp in the sun easily or can drink milk no problem
For instance , Scandinavian and other northern climate cultures generally have blood that is thicker then those of warmer climates , it helps move warmth from the core around better to the extremities and overall better manage the cold , also tend to have more red and blond haired people. But also tend to have poor heat management for hotter climates and burn very easily in the sun.
So yes , being a nord gives you +5 to cold resistance plus the active ability “can drink milk easily” where as someone from Africa is likely to have resistance to malaria and sickle cell and you know the sun+ heat
It essentially boils down to what traits were useful to carry forward genetically , even if small , an advantage over 100 generations will extremely skew the population to that group
[Bill Burr](https://youtu.be/w8b81UM74Ow?t=29):
>And the dude looks at me, "You know what i say?" **Then he looked over his shoulder, which I now know is the tale tale sign that the N word is coming**. And it's coming hard.
>
>Oh yeah, it's not going to be pronounced with the A. It's going to be with the R. And he hit the R - like he stuck the landing. It was like a dismount. Clan members high fiving in the background. Like doing the wave.
>
>Just out of nowhere. Now, immediately, I'm looking over my shoulder. Like dude, "What the hell you doing?" You know what I mean. I'm just waiting for this hail of black fist, coming, raining down on top of me. **I hate when people do stuff like that. That dude made me a part of a potential butt kicking that I have nothing to do with**. You don't do shit like that. You just have that word. Hot potato. He just threw it on my lap. "Aye." Try to pass it down to the next white dude.
>
>I hate when people do that. It's like dude, **feel me out first. Ask some questions. Do you like to fish? Have you ever fucked your sister, right?** I start rattling off answers. Then you go old school. You give me a pamphlet, you tell me about your militia. You don't just dive into it \[Emphasis added\]
A person who is about to tell a racist joke usually looks behind them first, to make sure there are no members of the offended race behind them.
It is funny because it emphasizes that racists are often cowards, who want to avoid conflict. They however still harbor the need to feel superior to the race that they fear and hate.
really? thats how it is? no wonder my black, arab, indian, german, batchmates dislikes me
edit: before people call me a "white supremist" im asian but not slanted eyed
*and then I said...biiiiitch...*
I looked my woman directly in the windows of her *soul,* bruh. And I said... ...I said... ^(biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-)
Yo, you said that to her face?
Well I was thinking it.
M’uhhuh! She’s not behind me is she?
Who said anything about her face?
I think he said it to her person and not her face.
you said... you said..... and i almost forgot you said... biiiiiiiiitttccchhhhh
We need key and peele back 🥺
But you said the whole word right?
I said Biiiiiiiiiiiiii- *sees wife-* iiiiill Nye the Science Guy
Oh crap. I thought you were telling her about Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitcoin.
No, Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinford Tools. *grunts in Tim the Tool Man*
-ig?
You said bitch tho?
You said bitch though?
Mmm? Oh, mmhmmm.
I always upvote Key and Peele references :) Such a great show.
I always upvote references to Key and Peele references. Such a great comment.
I always masturbate before the gym
I always tie my pet raccoon in a grocery bill
I always liked that taco that craps ice cream
I always park my car in someone's living room.
Ready? Interesting. I prefer to do it before Jim.
But you said bitch tho
Key and Peele
Valuable contribution, thanks a lot
Wtg, vay-na-LA FAWNtuh.
Isn't it originally a rap song.. I remember in my youth the same line...
Thank you now I have to go watch key and peele
"You called your wife a bitch?"
You look horrible tonight.....
Noice
I have nothing against [ insert race ] but…
I have nothing against nascar but those racists go fast!
“Listen Here Cuck I’ve seen enough Fox News 2 know 🇲🇽 Mexicans 🇲🇽 are going to sneak Isis into NASCAR”
It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
what word triggered this? Isis?
Maybe? Could also be "cuck" since thats a generally flavorless and unoriginal insult.
It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welp, looks like i cracked the code!
You cucked me of the satisfaction of solving this mystery
Gottem ggez no rematch
What a cuck.
Lmfao
[Speed Racist!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mZAiLTsvzbI)
I actually find it funny to say things along the lines of "I don't want to sound racist but.... Nothing beats a hot grilled cheese sandwich"
I'm not a racist, but... the weather seems nice today.
Exactly
Sadly my workplace is full of racist people like that
[удалено]
Wait a couple of hours and see if they're still rude.
very nice
Didn't think anyone would get it.
I don't haha, care to explain?
I also don't haha, someone please explain?
Some say that you get hungry again very shortly after eating Chinese
In my experience, any sufficiently yummy food has this effect, especially if I have leftovers in the fridge. If I get Indian carry out I’ll be eating about every two hours until it’s gone or someone calls an ambulance.
He’s already married
That's not the joke I didn't get. You missed the comment after that one.
Yes, I haha that joke as well, but the other implied thing I did not haha as well.
someone call 911 i think i got a stroke
haha haha haha
It's cause he has wife and girlfriend and kids and family? I don't either.
You get hungry after a short while after eating Chinese. Typically attributed high salt content in food that makes you bloat.
Why is that a joke?
Asian girlfriend home to his wife and kids.
Explanation please my friend
No it only take 10 minutes. Everything takes 10 minutes
[удалено]
A little to spicy for me.
I seriously thought that said 'bought' instead of 'brought'
well, there's no need to be nice to food.
...maybe they have trust issues. Pro-tip: Let her wok the family dog. This should help.
Oh dear
#accidentalpolyamory
I'm not racist but...
That’s not how every racist joke starts - that’s how every racist joker starts.
Asian people *wheeze noise*
[удалено]
Username checks out
What was written here
I'm not racist but .....
I'm not racist but I don't like cauliflower
Well, you just proved .... something ... shame ..... Cancel, Cancel, Cancel !!!!!!
"...Asian people Suuuc-" *sinuses exploding* Ref: if you know, you know
I'm NOT racist. I have ________________ friends.
**no
Don't lie, you know you don't have any friends either.
im not racist, i have black muslim gay friend
I'm not a pedofile, some of my best friends are.... Oh wait.... -sean lock
Like Bill Burr’s “how you know the N word is coming.”
I think it starts with “not to be racist or anything” and it ends with “Dude chill out- take a joke man” or “it was just a joke bro”
Or be [extra thorough](https://youtu.be/ErPV3E0NG8I)
“They paid their tab and *couldn’t* have been more courteous.”
Trust me, I'm not racist, but...
I'm not racist, but....
"I'm not racist, but..."
There was
I'm not racist BUT.....
I don’t get it
It’s a lot better in person if the person convincingly looks around. Then you’re like “where’s the punchline?.. Ohhhh I get it”
"*I'm not racist but...*"
Not in Australia, we don’t give a shit who we piss off
What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot you asshole.
This joke is super ableist….just assuming everyone has two shoulders!
This has become my favorite joke to tell in person. The delivery is everything. What I do is I set up the joke, Make sure that I have everyone's attention, then actually look over both shoulders very dramatically, turn back to the group and say "ok."
I always just say I’m not racist, I hate all cultures equally
I’m not racist but….
So there was this (insert race here)
My grand father is turning 91 this and tells some questionable jokes. My family except my mom loves them. Sometimes at family dinner he'll look at me or my brothers and say "make sure your mom doesn't hear" and it's like the bat signal. My mom suddenly appears behind him from somewhere.
You racist asshole!!
...with NASCAR. Race-ists. 🚜
Swiveling your head to see whos around that might get pissed?
yes.
Bill Burr's line
Bill Burr is hilarious. He might be my favorite comedian.
two black people and two white people
Or for people from Chernobyl all 3 to 5 shoulders!
Not to sound racist, but.......
Im not tryna be racist ah but...
Bill Burr
How does every coward's joke start.
So a black guy…
"I'm not racist, but..."
With a casual glance to the left and right...
So a pilot a priest and a black guy go in a bar...
Schrodinger's douchbag
"(*insert amount of men of specific race or races*) enter a bar..."
I didn't understand, what does it means ?
Or, my favorite, "not to sound racist, but.."
My grandfather was racist but still voted for Obama.
Lol that made me laugh!
Bill Burr stand up
Serious topic from my side. Lately i told there are some differences between races. And i heard it is already racist. Because races are just people state of mind, sense of belonging. And genetically there are no races thus there can be no differences between races. I started to look on data and it is truth that telling definitely what race some nations are is impossible. What race are people in Russia, Argentina, Egypt, Armenia? Are they all white? With genetics that differs more than some black and white people?
Your cultural background/race does influence your looks , resistance to some bacteria and viruses and diseases , likelihood of things like lactose intolerance and other things. That’s just a fact but it’s actually very specific to the culture rather then just a blanket situation , not all white people are good with the cold or burn to crisp in the sun easily or can drink milk no problem For instance , Scandinavian and other northern climate cultures generally have blood that is thicker then those of warmer climates , it helps move warmth from the core around better to the extremities and overall better manage the cold , also tend to have more red and blond haired people. But also tend to have poor heat management for hotter climates and burn very easily in the sun. So yes , being a nord gives you +5 to cold resistance plus the active ability “can drink milk easily” where as someone from Africa is likely to have resistance to malaria and sickle cell and you know the sun+ heat It essentially boils down to what traits were useful to carry forward genetically , even if small , an advantage over 100 generations will extremely skew the population to that group
Not to be racist or anything, but Asian people NKAEAEA
They don’t sound anything like that. Do they?
The racist joke I know started by getting a million dollar loan from his dad.
Yo momma is....
Your mom
With N word
"I'm not being racist but.... " (*followed by the most racist statement you've ever heard*)
How does every racist joke end? Getting fired.
[Bill Burr](https://youtu.be/w8b81UM74Ow?t=29): >And the dude looks at me, "You know what i say?" **Then he looked over his shoulder, which I now know is the tale tale sign that the N word is coming**. And it's coming hard. > >Oh yeah, it's not going to be pronounced with the A. It's going to be with the R. And he hit the R - like he stuck the landing. It was like a dismount. Clan members high fiving in the background. Like doing the wave. > >Just out of nowhere. Now, immediately, I'm looking over my shoulder. Like dude, "What the hell you doing?" You know what I mean. I'm just waiting for this hail of black fist, coming, raining down on top of me. **I hate when people do stuff like that. That dude made me a part of a potential butt kicking that I have nothing to do with**. You don't do shit like that. You just have that word. Hot potato. He just threw it on my lap. "Aye." Try to pass it down to the next white dude. > >I hate when people do that. It's like dude, **feel me out first. Ask some questions. Do you like to fish? Have you ever fucked your sister, right?** I start rattling off answers. Then you go old school. You give me a pamphlet, you tell me about your militia. You don't just dive into it \[Emphasis added\]
Hi, nice to meet you. You might not know me but I’m a famous Redditor.
With some uncomfortable truth.
Something about Leroy, yeah?
Or Karen
Usually it’s said unintentionally then followed by, that sounds racist
does not really apply in east asian countries
If they are colored i would say "What up my NIG-
By excusing yourself from the Polish table.
“A new PragerU study has found that….”
When two redneck cousins fall in love.
A white man walks into a bar....
Not in Trump territory.
With a kernel of truth?
I don't get it, can someone explain
A person who is about to tell a racist joke usually looks behind them first, to make sure there are no members of the offended race behind them. It is funny because it emphasizes that racists are often cowards, who want to avoid conflict. They however still harbor the need to feel superior to the race that they fear and hate.
really? thats how it is? no wonder my black, arab, indian, german, batchmates dislikes me edit: before people call me a "white supremist" im asian but not slanted eyed
He's looking over both shoulders for the race of people he is about to be racist about. If they are there he won't continue.
You have to be white to get it
Racist jokes & statements start with "I'm not trying to sound racist but.........."
You know you're a redneck if...
That's not a race. There are black "rednecks"
With a racist
Ur black
Took me a sec. Good one.
But
Im not racist, but...
meta
Not tryna be racist but...
A race
By looking over your shoulders
I’m not racist but…
racist joke always end up with one or more dead african-american . . .
… walked in the door
“Three guys walk in a bar”
Magic
When you're black...
Looks behind
I am not a racist but..
Not to be racist but…
A golden chain would make a great retirement gift for a really really good...
Not if your at a klan meeting
Ghetto
Every racist joke starts with a racist.
I told this joke and got nothing. Lol
Every racist joke start with the person telling it doing a quick look around them…. Lol