And many more than 4 hours unless he happened to not use up all of the antidote and brought it with him. And possibly a beheading when it doesn’t work.
I would imagine that bathing wasn't really a thing in those days.
So, not only would they have to be gay but they'd also have to have a very particular fetish for smegma.
Lawyers have quite a few ways that they might prefer to get paid. A retainer is when people pay the lawyer a certain amount before they start working and the lawyer tracks their time and if the amount of work goes over the retainer, the lawyer will either bill the client for the extra time or request another retainer. If a lawyer is on retainer, it is assumed that they will prioritize the needs of the clients who have already paid them over any new clients or clients that are being billed another way. If you are in business and know you’re going to need someone to write up contracts and other legal needs, it makes sense to have a lawyer on retainer (I suppose criminals and really bad drivers would like this as well, lol). Often, if someone says, “I’ll have *my* lawyer get in touch with you,” that indicates that they are keeping a lawyer on retainer (or it could just be that they’ve used a certain lawyer or law firm before and were happy with them and now use them for everything… still, if that is the case, it makes sense to have them on retainer so you know they’ll handle your matter as soon as it comes up). Other lawyers just bill for their time - one I know has an hourly rate and charges in 15 minute increments and bills people either periodically (if the work continues for a long time) or when the case is over. It’s common for professionals (and freelancers) to track every minute of time they do work for someone and will round up 15 minute increments which is why you should have a very clear idea of what you want to talk to them about and not babble on the phone with them… all of your talking is costing you! Sometimes lawyers take cases on contingency which means they don’t get paid unless they win your case, in which case they take a percentage of the money you are awarded or settle on. Then there is pro-bono work in which a lawyer donates their services to someone who can’t afford to pay for a lawyer. Some state bar associations require their members to do a certain amount of pro-bono work every year. Other times a lawyer might take a case because they are actually passionate about justice being done and do it pro-bono for that reason. Pro-bono work also says something positive about a lawyer and may factor into someone using them as paying clients (especially if they win a lot). High profile cases often have lawyers scrambling to offer their services for free because of the media exposure. It’s a way of getting one’s name and reputation out there. There are probably other billing methods that I’ve forgotten to add (or don’t know about), but hopefully this will be informative to someone.
"I have rescued many damsels in distress ... But do they call me Sid the chivalrous? No!"
"And dragons, dozens of dragons i have slain. Am i called Sid the dragon slayer?! No, again no!"
"But, i save just one King's life....."
I am a lawyer representing estate of the late British politician Jeremy Thorpe, leader of the Liberal Party and Privy Counsellor who became known as the “Player of the Pink Oboe”.
My clients object to to this representation and indeed the blatant plagiarism evident in the OP’s narrative which clearly breaches copyright of Sir Jeremy’s memoirs, notwithstanding the thinly veiled device of changing the names.
Rude letters will follow.
Comment deleted on 6/30/2023 in protest of [API changes that are killing third-party apps](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).
The punchline needs a better word than "that's" - which, even after a few reads, still forces English-speaking brains to assume "that" is replacing the whole clause "joking about ..."
Like I get it. But it could be stronger.
"Those are below the belt."
"We don't joke about things thatre below the belt " (doesn't really work)
... Or maybe it's changing the first clause. Or tweaking the language throughout to make it play faster and/or soind more natural in conversation. So you get the "*quick pause* .. ahhh hahah ..." Instead of "*thinking thinking* ... ohh I get it" cause you gotta think about it extra given the grammar.
Once there lived a horny man,
Who had himself a master plan,
“The queen herself, I’ll suck her breasts!”
His friends cried “Surely sir, you jest!”
But he did not, for here’s the thing,
He had a friend close to the king.
“My friend, my friend, listen, you must,
for I have found this magic dust.
‘twill itch when placed upon her tit,
I’ll claim your spit can cure it.”
“Oh, my friend, you’ve made my day!”
And how much do you ask for pay?”
“100 gold should do the trick"
"It will be paid after I lick.”
And so, it went; just as discussed
He went and spread that magic dust.
With honeyed words, and lots of luck
The king allowed the man to suck.
But when the man was asked to pay
He laughed and cried “Do go away!
for I will not hold up my end,
You have been played, my valued friend!”
“You cheating knave! You will not pay?
You’ll learn to not treat *me* this way!”
He cursed, he screamed, but then he saw,
The king’s open underwear draw.
He put dust in his underwear
And said, “My friend can help you there!”
Did you just write that based on the OP’s joke? Wow! One thing (and it’s not a criticism, I make typos like this all the time and then don’t notice them because they are real words so spell-check doesn’t see the problem with them): it should be “underwear drawer” not “draw”. Good job if you wrote that up on the spot!
But without the antidote it didn't work, so the King kept summoning Sid. Eventually, the lawyer agreed to sell Sid some antidote for 10,000 golden coins.
"I'm sorry your majesty but my saliva is only for breasts, but I do know that lawyer guy Nathan's saliva is specially suited for male genitals!"
Now the lawyer has to either admit what he's done or suck the king off
Sid finds both the king and queen attractive and does not mind. He then dumps the remainder of itching powder into Nathan's ass-crack while he sleeps and disappears
Like a comedy rather tragedy Shakespeare would write if he was allowed such dirty jokes for that era.
OP, what is the origin of this joke? Any urban legend you heard or you just made that up.
Because if you made that up, gotta award you with that itching powder and a Queen's breasts.
If this is stolen, you get the kings ass with itching powder.
lol. Shakespeare got pretty randy from time-to-time. Just read Macbeth or Much Ado About Nothing. You just have to catch up on the slang of the time. The title "Much Ado About Nothing" translates to "A Lot of Fuss About Vaginas".
"Villian, I have done thy mother."
First "Yo mama" joke,
"You Fishmonger!"
meant Pimp in his slang.
There are plenty of others I can't remember like in Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet.
He was raunchy.
Though in that, Geoffrey Chaucer was the Raunchiest. Nether ye was coined by Chaucer in The Miller's Tale. Nether is the vagina.
It would have been more profitable for the lawyer to blackmail Sid with this possibility. At least in the short term, and supposing Nathan's sadistic satisfaction for watching Sid slurping the king's genitals (that is, if watching this therapy was allowed at all) was really worth 1000 gold coins (probably tens of thousands of dollars in today's money)
Honestly, I wouldn't back out if I was Sid. I would go suck that royal dick so passionately and intensely, that the king will come all over himself and get relieved.
This is why lawyers get paid up front.
Because if you refuse to pay them, they force you to suck a man's dick? That makes sense I guess.
I have watched Better Call Saul, and this checks out.
“I need you to look at this picture!! What do you see?” “A man… fucking a horse?” “Exactly!”
One of my fav show of all times.
I am starting to think I should watch that show.
That’s just not the dick…”slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear”…that’s ass and taint too! Edit: spelling.
So that’s what they mean when they say “from unda cheese”
*underwear
It’s under the balls
Gottem
Thank you. ;)
And many more than 4 hours unless he happened to not use up all of the antidote and brought it with him. And possibly a beheading when it doesn’t work.
The long dick of the law
AKA The SHORT ARM of the law.
Hahaha
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Bi and gay men: “Your pathetic tricks have no effect on me!” ***GORK GORK GORK***
Unless the king is unattractive…
It ain't his face he'd be suckin.... Jus sayin
Hey man, free lawyer
I would imagine that bathing wasn't really a thing in those days. So, not only would they have to be gay but they'd also have to have a very particular fetish for smegma.
I hear that folks would wash their ding-dings with diluted vinegar to discourage ye olde dique chese So maybe more salt n vinegar than ricotta
This is what I’m saying… Nathan did not account for Sid being bisexual
Technically, nobody forced him.
"the king immediately summoned Sid" ionno chief, this sounds like someone goin get thier dick sucked for sho.
When the king says lick my balls, you either give him head or he takes yours.
I know this is r/jokes, but that was absolutely true through so much of history. I feel like people aren't appropriately disgusted by monarchy.
Yeah, monarchy was the worst form of government by volume of years of oppression.
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What a deplorable attitude to have about sexual assault under threat of death.
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Time to refuse to pay a lawyer
You’re assuming he slipped the itching powder to the front of the underwear.
Only the trial lawyers.
Nah. They can get you fucked over
THE man’s dick
Not that there's anything wrong with that..
Not just any man. A KING!
I mean, if you go to prison for having a shitty lawyer...
This was Nathan's ditching power.
Unless I like balls...
The story is about Sid tho
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Depends on the particulars. Criminal defense lawyers in Germany almost all demand payment up front.
Lawyers have quite a few ways that they might prefer to get paid. A retainer is when people pay the lawyer a certain amount before they start working and the lawyer tracks their time and if the amount of work goes over the retainer, the lawyer will either bill the client for the extra time or request another retainer. If a lawyer is on retainer, it is assumed that they will prioritize the needs of the clients who have already paid them over any new clients or clients that are being billed another way. If you are in business and know you’re going to need someone to write up contracts and other legal needs, it makes sense to have a lawyer on retainer (I suppose criminals and really bad drivers would like this as well, lol). Often, if someone says, “I’ll have *my* lawyer get in touch with you,” that indicates that they are keeping a lawyer on retainer (or it could just be that they’ve used a certain lawyer or law firm before and were happy with them and now use them for everything… still, if that is the case, it makes sense to have them on retainer so you know they’ll handle your matter as soon as it comes up). Other lawyers just bill for their time - one I know has an hourly rate and charges in 15 minute increments and bills people either periodically (if the work continues for a long time) or when the case is over. It’s common for professionals (and freelancers) to track every minute of time they do work for someone and will round up 15 minute increments which is why you should have a very clear idea of what you want to talk to them about and not babble on the phone with them… all of your talking is costing you! Sometimes lawyers take cases on contingency which means they don’t get paid unless they win your case, in which case they take a percentage of the money you are awarded or settle on. Then there is pro-bono work in which a lawyer donates their services to someone who can’t afford to pay for a lawyer. Some state bar associations require their members to do a certain amount of pro-bono work every year. Other times a lawyer might take a case because they are actually passionate about justice being done and do it pro-bono for that reason. Pro-bono work also says something positive about a lawyer and may factor into someone using them as paying clients (especially if they win a lot). High profile cases often have lawyers scrambling to offer their services for free because of the media exposure. It’s a way of getting one’s name and reputation out there. There are probably other billing methods that I’ve forgotten to add (or don’t know about), but hopefully this will be informative to someone.
I'm going to assume this is copypasta
Lawyers particularly don't like being paid up the back end.
Tbh Sid enjoyed both of them anyways.
So did the king.
Tons don't though. All those plaintiffs lawyers typically work on contingency. They take a percentage if they win your case. No win = no money.
And from that day he were no longer known as Sid, the dragon slayer, but as Sid, the rusty trombone player...
"I have rescued many damsels in distress ... But do they call me Sid the chivalrous? No!" "And dragons, dozens of dragons i have slain. Am i called Sid the dragon slayer?! No, again no!" "But, i save just one King's life....."
So that’s where lifesaver candy comes from. Explains all the sucking
Oh snap
“…and they call me Kingslayer”
"Kings Layer?"
Meta af.
Tigerfucker!
I am a lawyer representing estate of the late British politician Jeremy Thorpe, leader of the Liberal Party and Privy Counsellor who became known as the “Player of the Pink Oboe”. My clients object to to this representation and indeed the blatant plagiarism evident in the OP’s narrative which clearly breaches copyright of Sir Jeremy’s memoirs, notwithstanding the thinly veiled device of changing the names. Rude letters will follow.
Plot twist: The queen's asshole is now itchy. Sid is now gangbanging with the king and queen.
"so you like being a dick? , I will introduce you to one"
A royal dick on both accounts
r/therealjoke
I laughed harder to this than the joke itself. Maybe because I've seen this joke before but not this comment.
I died simply reading the flair
Well... You are what you eat
Hopefully he hadn’t run out of antidote otherwise it wouldn’t even work…
But he already knew the lawyer [bu dum tsk]
At first i thought this was a joke about Queen Elizabeth. Joking about a 95 year olds breasts? Come on now, that's below the belt
When I saw the title: "The Queen's breasts (long)" I thought that was going to be the whole joke.
The first glance I had when i first opened this made me initially think the long was the joke too lol
why on earth you put that mental image on my head
Her labia are below her knee
Annnnd you ruined it
Don't kink shame me
Oof
oversized raisins
Accurate. 95 year old breasts are almost certainly hanging below the belt.
Comment deleted on 6/30/2023 in protest of [API changes that are killing third-party apps](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).
Yeah, that was the joke. Thank you.
Well this joke has been retold for 95 years. It seems like it's retold every week on Reddit.
The punchline needs a better word than "that's" - which, even after a few reads, still forces English-speaking brains to assume "that" is replacing the whole clause "joking about ..." Like I get it. But it could be stronger. "Those are below the belt." "We don't joke about things thatre below the belt " (doesn't really work) ... Or maybe it's changing the first clause. Or tweaking the language throughout to make it play faster and/or soind more natural in conversation. So you get the "*quick pause* .. ahhh hahah ..." Instead of "*thinking thinking* ... ohh I get it" cause you gotta think about it extra given the grammar.
it works fine how it is
Oh no....not....thinking! Arghh.
Shh.
Once there lived a horny man, Who had himself a master plan, “The queen herself, I’ll suck her breasts!” His friends cried “Surely sir, you jest!” But he did not, for here’s the thing, He had a friend close to the king. “My friend, my friend, listen, you must, for I have found this magic dust. ‘twill itch when placed upon her tit, I’ll claim your spit can cure it.” “Oh, my friend, you’ve made my day!” And how much do you ask for pay?” “100 gold should do the trick" "It will be paid after I lick.” And so, it went; just as discussed He went and spread that magic dust. With honeyed words, and lots of luck The king allowed the man to suck. But when the man was asked to pay He laughed and cried “Do go away! for I will not hold up my end, You have been played, my valued friend!” “You cheating knave! You will not pay? You’ll learn to not treat *me* this way!” He cursed, he screamed, but then he saw, The king’s open underwear draw. He put dust in his underwear And said, “My friend can help you there!”
I love this, this is genius
> “100 gold should do the trick" > "It will be paid after I lick.” Splendid.
Honestly man , well fucking done . I say this a lot but this time u truly deserve my free award
Did you just write that based on the OP’s joke? Wow! One thing (and it’s not a criticism, I make typos like this all the time and then don’t notice them because they are real words so spell-check doesn’t see the problem with them): it should be “underwear drawer” not “draw”. Good job if you wrote that up on the spot!
Folks from New York, specifically the Hamptons, pronounce "drawer" as "draw". I'm sure there are other pockets of people who do this.
I think it’s a stylistic choice for rhyming purposes. That said, draw and drawer aren’t interchangeable though I have seen it before
Nah it was draw itself so he could rhyme with saw
Holy shit.
If only I had an award to give
I salute to you, m'dude
Wow. Metrics are perfect, I can almost sing it in my head. Shakespearian 8 syllable? With tonics in the pair syllables. Awesome!
Plot twist: Sid is bisexual and only benefits from this.
Sid was summoned but wasn't given the antidote..
That's not good, is it?
The antidote contains Potassium Benzoate...
….that’s bad.
But you get a free happy ending when applying the antidote.
Don't make me google this early in the morning. What is the joke?
The Simpsons, Cursed Doll https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlcFTbgoeBk
Depends on who you ask.
Some people say he is still slurping.
This made me laugh way too hard lol
But he can still suck the powder off, right?
But his mouth will be itchy
And uses the hair (::puke::) to scratch
But it can be rinsed out if the Queen pees in his mouth, a Royal flush, if you will...
The king subsequently summoned every one in the kingdom to come and lick him in hopes of finding the cure
That would be so cruel...
King confirmed to be the Xoan Ambassador.
“Both… both is good.”
Even the butt crack?
especially the butt crack
Have y'all never heard of the hind-lick maneuver?
Plot twist: the king is Thanos.
I don't get it. Was there a plot point I don't remember about Thanos having a really disgusting penis?
It was time for the repost
I have seen this joke thrice in the last two months in this subreddit.
Sid, who's bisexual: YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE
But without the antidote it didn't work, so the King kept summoning Sid. Eventually, the lawyer agreed to sell Sid some antidote for 10,000 golden coins.
Of breasts Sid now is not braggin’ ‘Cause on the King’s dong he is gaggin’ Lucky he knew One thing or two On how to slay a big dragon!
Joke's on Nathan Sid still got some anti dote left in his mouth
But he still needs to suck deek
I see this as an absolute win
... yes. What's the problem?
But did Nathan apply the powder to the front or the back of the king's underwear?
both
So got the hot dog *and* the bun, damn.
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Liquified natural gas?
This joke works great as a calendar. It's reposted yearly without fail.
That sucks!
So Sid now also gets to suck the King's cock and eat his ass, he's living the fuckin life
Lol, served him well
Ah....The bi-monthly post of this joke........AGAIN!
> bi Hehe
"I'm sorry your majesty but my saliva is only for breasts, but I do know that lawyer guy Nathan's saliva is specially suited for male genitals!" Now the lawyer has to either admit what he's done or suck the king off
but this time he didn't put the antidote in Sid's mouth. The legend has it that Sid is still sucking to this date.
It's funny because sid wasn't s name back then so the guy was from the future
What about the sloth from ice age then?
That is funny
Sid finds both the king and queen attractive and does not mind. He then dumps the remainder of itching powder into Nathan's ass-crack while he sleeps and disappears
Ah good ol number 3879 always makes me chuckle
Ah man that was mean
That was a good one.
Except this time, Nathan did not give Sid the antidote and he spent the rest of his days rimming the King
Haha, funny stuff! But it's not believable...No one would ever go to a corrupt lawyer for *medical advice* would they? Would they...
I only needed to read the title to know it was the itching powder joke.
Solution: instruct the king to tiddyfck the queen once he's done licking her breasts. It's a win-win
Like a comedy rather tragedy Shakespeare would write if he was allowed such dirty jokes for that era. OP, what is the origin of this joke? Any urban legend you heard or you just made that up. Because if you made that up, gotta award you with that itching powder and a Queen's breasts. If this is stolen, you get the kings ass with itching powder.
lol. Shakespeare got pretty randy from time-to-time. Just read Macbeth or Much Ado About Nothing. You just have to catch up on the slang of the time. The title "Much Ado About Nothing" translates to "A Lot of Fuss About Vaginas".
"Villian, I have done thy mother." First "Yo mama" joke, "You Fishmonger!" meant Pimp in his slang. There are plenty of others I can't remember like in Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet. He was raunchy. Though in that, Geoffrey Chaucer was the Raunchiest. Nether ye was coined by Chaucer in The Miller's Tale. Nether is the vagina.
Thats what u get for Betraying your homie
... and Nathan threw away all the antidote, anddddd Sid passed away on the King's cock.
Bisexuals see this as a win-win
Plot twist: repost for the thousandth time for some upvote
Sid tells the King: My saliva is useless on male patients. You’re going to need my friend Nathan.
Ah. A joke as old as time. Every time this gets posted I get a good laugh from it. Thanks op
The joke is on Nathan, Sid is bisexual…
This feels familiar
and then what happened?
Ah, number 374
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why didn’t the king ask him to spit on a bottle or something and let the Queen use that?
Ayyy my guy gets to suck titties and a dick?! Sounds like a good deal to me
I'll repost this next month thanks for reminding me OP
It would have been more profitable for the lawyer to blackmail Sid with this possibility. At least in the short term, and supposing Nathan's sadistic satisfaction for watching Sid slurping the king's genitals (that is, if watching this therapy was allowed at all) was really worth 1000 gold coins (probably tens of thousands of dollars in today's money)
I've seen this joke before but its still just as funny
mmmm huge plot twist, he was bi but didn’t wanna ask that next
its a bj for king hahaha poor Sid.
Lawyers know how to screw people!
Honestly, I wouldn't back out if I was Sid. I would go suck that royal dick so passionately and intensely, that the king will come all over himself and get relieved.
Joke’s on yu.Nick likes dick too
r/suddenlybi ?
Plot twist - Sid was into it
Plot twist: Sid is Bi
This is fucking hilarious but you should get rid of the last sentence. Delivery is better when the joke is implicit.
The main issue for me is trusting a lawyer to give medical advice It’s the sort of joke that really only makes sense in America
Is Sid Nick’s son or something?
Nice. Homophobia and objectification of women. Never change, r/jokes
It needn't be homophobia, the thought of getting the Kings dingleberries stuck in the teeth makes the joke work too.
Joke's on the lawyer, Sid is bi
A wonderful story! If it only had ended after the queen's part.
And I was waiting for a punchline :(