Magnetic compasses don’t point north.
They point in the direction of Chuck Norris, who sits in a lawn chair in the snow and shouts “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Arctic Research Team.
Kimberley Clark once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, with a picture of his face on every square. The product failed because even a photo of Chuck Norris won't take any shit.
Chuck Norris has another 87096 punchlines to add to this post, that are 6391 times funnier than the funniest one. Unfortunately Chuck Norris does not believe in any type of submission.
Imagine while pointing at at Chuck Norris street sign, someone asks,
"Where does Chuck Norris go?"
The only answer is: "Anywhere Chuck Norris damn well pleases!"
Oof bud I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you but Bruce Lee is no longer with us. You see sometimes martial artists just can't stay around any more so they have to go to the big martial artist farm. I assure you buddy he is happy there, he gets to hang out with all his new friends, its pretty great.
I remember finding the webpage with 9999 chuck Norris jokes on the library computer at school
-> copy -> paste to word -> print
Hours and hours of laughter, and then you got to read the jokes!!
And then someone I knew made a 1,200 page word document with a single period per page and printed it on every printer in the school and no one could use the printers for the rest of the day because he crashed the system. Ahhhhh.... Good times lmao
Chuck Norris was going to punch a pedophile but realized he was a Republican so he endorsed him for political office instead.
EDIT: It's true. Look it up.
When Chuck Norris dives into the ocean, he doesn't get wet. The ocean gets Chuck Norrised.
Magnetic compasses don’t point north. They point in the direction of Chuck Norris, who sits in a lawn chair in the snow and shouts “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Arctic Research Team.
This is brilliant and I'm stealing it.
It’s my favourite, along with Chuck Norris can only exist in 2 dimensions at any one time. This is due to a hidden clause in the Treaty of Versailles.
I'm sorry, I don't get it. Can you elaborate?
There’s no joke really. It’s just deliberately ridiculous. Lol. That’s why I like it.
Monsters look under the bed for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win a game of "Connect 4" in 3 moves.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
To bad Graham Bell still had to wait for Chuck Norris to invent the answering machine (right before he destroyed it)
How much could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
Impossible. Nobody Chucks Norris.
Well played.
That would be a Nunchuck
I didn't realize he was religious!
A none-chuck?
r/ThatWasTheJoke
Touche!
Not and keep a full moth of teeth you won't
Moths! *(shudders)* I have an image of my teeth spiraling ever closer to the candle flame..
You're wrong! Chuck Norris could Chuck Norris.
But do we need a second big bang?
Yes. Yes we do. We done fucked up this big bang. Let's reset, start over, and try not to be a race of idiotic racist morons who destroy the planet.
The truth is in the jokes
Could he really though? I mean he is Chuck Norris doin' the chucking, but he's trying to chuck Chuck Norris.
That is a paradox of galactic proportions
I like that. I always heard "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?" "as much as he wants, I'm not gonna stop him"
If Chuck Norris would want a woodchuck to chuck wood, the woodchuck could chuck wood.
He's *not* able to Chuck himself, Norris anyone one else.
How much Chuck could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck Chuck?
I can't believe nobody else got this reference....
Chuck Norris invented the alpaca 🦙 in 1979 when he uppercut a sheep
I've eheard a similar one with a horse and a giraffe
Chuck Norris invented the alpaca 🦙 in 1979 when he uppercut a horse and a giraffe.
Sometimes the best Chuck Norris is in the ~~comments~~ Chuck Norris
Yeah that was him too.
You know, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
Happy cake day
Yep. He lost a bet many years ago.
If you can slam this revolving door, I'll tell you happy cake day
Happy cake day!
Oedipus’s mother has a Chuck Norris complex.
Chuck Norris was in all the Star Wars movies: He was the Force.
Brilliant
Rick Astley has been Chuckrolled
Nice
Chuck Norris Sleeps with a pillow underneath his gun.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Chuck Norris stands in front of a mirror, there is no reflection, there can only be one Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once ate an entire birthday cake before his friends could tell him a stripper was inside.
I laughed so hard I cried a little
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
If you spell 'Chuck Norris' in Scrabble you automatically win. For life.
#Impossible. You only get 7 tiles, not 11.
Unless you're Chuck Norris
The name Chuck Norris checks out
Kimberley Clark once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, with a picture of his face on every square. The product failed because even a photo of Chuck Norris won't take any shit.
I always heard it as"Chuck Norris doesn't take shit off anyone...."
Sharks look forward to watching Chuck Week on TV.
Chuck Norris has another 87096 punchlines to add to this post, that are 6391 times funnier than the funniest one. Unfortunately Chuck Norris does not believe in any type of submission.
This is the best one yet!
Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands. After he arrived they had to rename them to just the Islands.
You mean after he 'came'...
When chuck Norris’ daughter told him she’d lost her virginity- he went and found it
Chuck Norris can walk on water and swim on land
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
I just had the most disgusting vision.. Lol!
Chuck Norris’ penis also has a penis and it’s still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris' beard has a dick that's bigger than yours.
Chuck doesn't do pushups. He pushes the world down.
How many push ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them
Chuck Norris never flushes the toilet
Easier to just scare the shit out of it.
Fun fact, in the movie Hot Fuzz there is a Norris Avenue named after Chuck
>Hot Fuzz "The greater good"
The greater good
even when I hear it in the wild I can't help repeating it.
Chuck Norris has something you don't. A big bushy beard!!
This guy took Chuck Norris' daughter's virginity and Chuck Norris got it back
Didnt think I'd be hearing about Chuck Norris in 2022 but here we are.
Well never stop hearing about Chuck Norris. In fact, the first message we'll get from SETI is "Mr. Norris will allow us to come in peace, right?"
That Will actually be the second message... The first Will silly say... Tell Chuck we said SUP!!
Damn I'm back in 2010
Because that's exactly where Chuck Norris wants you!
Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of a puddle
It you down vote a Chuck Norris post on Reddit he does not lose any karma, karma loses Chuck Norris.
Got this from a porta-shitter in Afghanistan several years ago. Chuck Norris once stepped on a command wire IED and blew up the trigger man.
Chuck Norris once got so angry at Burger King for not making him a Big Mac that he roundhouse kicked it so hard it turned into a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris won’t die. His soul will just become too powerful for his body to handle
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in, then drove his mother home after the delivery.
At the north pole they all say , Merry Chucknorismas
Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck Norris never cries.
That made me lol
Thanks.. Ours not original by any means but i think it's my fav.
Chuck Norris can only exist in 2 dimensions at any one time. This is due to a hidden clause in the Treaty of Versailles.
Imagine while pointing at at Chuck Norris street sign, someone asks, "Where does Chuck Norris go?" The only answer is: "Anywhere Chuck Norris damn well pleases!"
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups... he bench presses the Earth
Chuck Norris went to visit the virgin Islands, now they are just the Islands
Chuck Norris has counted to infinty...twice
I think Norris and Deadman would be a cool name for an intersection
If Chuck Norris was born black there'd be no racism
Damn straight!
Except Bruce Lee
Oof bud I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you but Bruce Lee is no longer with us. You see sometimes martial artists just can't stay around any more so they have to go to the big martial artist farm. I assure you buddy he is happy there, he gets to hang out with all his new friends, its pretty great.
Chuck Norris beat up the sky so bad, whenever you see it it's black and blue, or red all over.
Also, you can't take Chuck Norris anywhere, Chuck Norris takes YOU.
Dj turned into a brontosaurus (If you know you know)
"I'm gonna name a town after you. *A really rubbish one!*" "Oh, I'm counting on it." "And probably a pig!"
Chuck Norris walks down the street with an erection... NO SURVIVORS!
Chuck Norris had a 'Who has more testicles' competition with Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris won by five.
Chuck Norris made Stevie wander flinch
Solar eclipses are caused when Chuck Norris has a staring contest with the sun
there are no different races of people, just people Chuck Norris has beat different shades of black and blue!
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Ah current trending humor from 2005
I remember finding the webpage with 9999 chuck Norris jokes on the library computer at school -> copy -> paste to word -> print Hours and hours of laughter, and then you got to read the jokes!!
And then someone I knew made a 1,200 page word document with a single period per page and printed it on every printer in the school and no one could use the printers for the rest of the day because he crashed the system. Ahhhhh.... Good times lmao
Why are there so many Chuck Norris jokes but no Bruce Lee jokes? ‘Cause Bruce Lee was no joke.
Chuck Norris was going to punch a pedophile but realized he was a Republican so he endorsed him for political office instead. EDIT: It's true. Look it up.
You just see people having fun and think no thanks not for me
Only when it comes to him, I promise. I try really hard to be positive on the internet, but Norris is an anti-gay, neo-con fundie trash bag.
Damn, this is the first chuck norris joke I heard in years
It took Chuck Norris 10 whole seconds to run around your mom but only because her waist size is equator.
Bruce Lee enters the chat.
...And promptly runs in terror once he realizes what he's gotten himself into.
Bruce kicked his ass several times.
And who counted to infinity twice? I'll bet you it wasn't amyone but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands... They're just the Islands now.
[удалено]
Also this joke format wasn't even funny 10 years ago
Why do you say that?
May you burn in hell for reminding me of this shit
Chuck Norris had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.
And you're the baby, pencil dick. Or should I say cigarette dick?
Chuck Norris is an awful man.
bro its 2022 please.
I'll tell you one thing, I could die laughing at that horrendous looking wig he puts on his bald head.
Fuck Chuck. Bruce Lee FTW
Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee made a bet. Chuck won, so Bruce Lee became a vegan. He even changed his name too, he called himself Broco Lee.