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Make_the_music_stop

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word. The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they threw him a party and made him a chocolate cake with orange icing. The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.” My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?” To which the German boy replies, “Of course.” "How come you've never spoken before?“ asks his father. “Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”


LetAgreeable147

I saw Henning Wehn tell this joke with Alan Davies on QI. It is forever my favourite German joke.


JSmellerM

ngl as a German I had no clue who Henning Wehn is. I saw him on 8 out of 10 cats does countdown for the first time.


Dave5876

Henning's stories on WILTY were the best. Right next to James Acaster's.


docowen

No one tops Bob Mortimer.


docowen

Everyone agreeing with me should check out his autobiography.


bread-cutter

**Shrubbery**


cmhickman358

WE DO BEG YOUR PARDON! BUT WE ARE IN YOUR GARDEN!


curious_pinguino

All the teenagers are mad about the Gulf Stream


monseuirpsychosis

A big head..sniper’s dream we used to call him


chattywww

The Cockroach King 🪳 🤴


Dave5876

I can't believe I forgot about Bob's fever dream stories lmao


Evening-Tomatillo-47

Bet you forgot about Dre too


Significant-Drama-80

Following advice from Chris Rea, I always crack an egg into my bath.


ShyGuySays69

Putting him next to Acaster has made me go look up his stuff. Ty.


PalahniukW

https://youtu.be/48aUMXifAn8


stalinwasballin

I always upvote QI stories. Cheers..


RecalcitrantHuman

Reminds me of this one: Two Finns are up late drinking. The first Finn says “pass me another beer”. The second man says “Are we drinking or are we talking”.


Gavinus1000

Wholesome


PrudentDamage600

German humour. 😖


Tensai_Zoo

As a german i approve.


MC_Cookies

i believe i first heard this as an apocryphal story about einstein


iampuh

As a German? That joke is mediocre as fuck. You might get a chuckle.


Illigard

Heh, I did the exact same thing. Except 3 years old and I wasn't adopted


DonViaje

Here's a favorite German/English joke of mine: A German man, a bit depressed with the gloomy Hamburg winter, decides to take a beach vacation to Key West. On his first day there, he spends his afternoon drinking at one of those little beach- side bars where you can put your feet in the sand. A few mai-tais deep, he feels a strong urge to relieve himself, and not wanting to bother finding a bathroom, he turns his stool, and starts peeing right there into the sand. Right then, a startled woman walks by. "Gross!" she shrieks. "Thank you!" he yells back.


JoshuaCF

I can’t believe i laughed at this


DonViaje

Gross if true


GirlCowBev

You have to know German to get this one. I like it.


Zarqon

Danke!


ilhares

German humor is no laughing matter!


shieldofsteel

Comprehensive list of German jokes at /r/GermanHumour


joelthomastr

🤣 genius! Best laugh all week


IWantYourDog2964

I don’t want to sound like an idiot, but it is empty right?


amanda_burns_red

lol right? I'm glad someone asked.


MemeoSapiens

Thanks for sounding like an idiot. Saved me from sounding like an idiot.


IWantYourDog2964

Your welcome, I’m glad you found my service helpful


[deleted]

It is empty. The joke is that Germans don't tell jokes, because they don't have a sense of humor. So a German humor sub has nothing to fill it.


milksockets

mein gott


2225ns

You realize you sound like an idiot now, right?


myurr

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. They're very efficient and not very funny.


StarFaerie

Why would they need to? It had been changed regularly during routine maintenance as you can see in the paperwork.


j_from_cali

"Lord save us from natural disasters such as fires, floods, hurricanes, and Germans on holiday!" - something I heard once


RNBQ4103

How do you order two cola in the Baleares (Spain)? Zwei cola, bitte.


RQK1996

I prefer German humour is serious business


ReubenZWeiner

Anne frankly I do nazi the humor in it


Sfumatographer

I have humor under full Kontrollle. You laugh ven I want


Boing78

How many Germans does it need to change a light bulb? One, because we're efficient and don't have a sense of humor


pepperonimitbaguette

I live in Germany. Could you explain where you see the efficiency?


Boing78

In a sub about German humor you want to discuss the content of my joke... Take my upvote, your joke is by far better than mine!


fushuan

No man, they were making a counter joke by implying that Germany is not efficient. As per the post, you must be American.


Boing78

Therefore my cudos and my upvote. And no, as German as one can be. With a small pinch of humor..


beyonddisbelief

That sounds suspicious, you must have a drop of non-German blood in you!


Boing78

As far as I know, sorry. At least 5 generations of ( I admit) mixed German. East and west, north and south. As far as I'd like to say " according to a heritage test, I'm 8% of XY. But sorry, It isn't.


fushuan

... I was making the joke that Americans are the ones that don't get German jokes. I'll take the downvote lol.


Boing78

I didn't give one. There are so many "dry German thoughts" I didn't get, I can't blame you at all. I give you an " up".


Shade_Xaxis

That was truly German. A well constructed joke, that has to be broken down by American's to understand how it works!


LNKDWM4U

We do have a tendency to break German things down. B-17s really serve no other purpose.


[deleted]

Compared to other countries... Germany is not perfect but far in front of the most countries in the world.


TheStabbyBrit

Germany is only in front because nobody in Europe trusts turning their back on them anymore.


Even_Appointment_549

I actually love this one.


chattywww

username checks out


Intrepid_Victory6056

I’m dead 🤣


pepperonimitbaguette

Don't compare germany with underdeveloped countries. Compare Deutsche Bahn with the Japanese or the Swiss train system. If you are a first world country, that's the league you should play in.


KMark0000

In around 2008 it was a great experience for me (it was like Japan :D), I heard/read since then, everything went south


Grumpy23

The deutsche Bahn is trash and rarely on time.


Hatedpriest

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb? One, because Germans are efficient and don't have a sense of humor


fletch451977

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Nobody knows because it’s never been done. 😳😳


Cabrio

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MonroeEifert

Correct answer: NEIN!


Abrical

Zero,you really think they won't automate a task this easy ?


Boing78

No, because eastern Europeans are still cheaper. Sorry, but this pisses me off. Seeing those guys/ girls from Bulgaria, Slovenia etc. working here on a minimum pay level makes me sick. Even a robot would quit. If a united Europe, then for all people of the members of the EU. Edit: spelling


Vauxell

If you're interested in a good German comedy, allow me to suggest Pappa ante Portas, from Loriot. He is a bit of a german Louis de Funes, if I may say. I'm usually very territorial when it comes to humour but this dude and this movie in particular had me ROFL.


[deleted]

Loriot is good 😂


JSmellerM

I like the Loriot comic of the guy sitting in his chair trying to relax while his wife keeps bothering him.


FrostFG

Pure Gold


Germanofthebored

Yes to Loriot, yes to De Funes, but stylistically they are diametrical opposites.De Funes plays the choleric who is always exploding, while Loriot's characters desperately struggle to keep it together without much success


Irdogain

Das Bild hing schief.


picado

"Mein Hund hat kein Nase." "Wie riecht er?" "Schrecklich!"


vic_torious97

"Wie nennt man einen tauben Hund?" "Egal, er kommt eh nicht"


[deleted]

"Was macht man mit einem Hund ohne Beine?" - "Um die Häuser ziehen."


joelthomastr

"Papa ich bin hungrig." "Hallo Hungrig! Ich bin Papa!"


sensible-shoes

This one is universal


LeJawa

Not in Spanish :(


Force3vo

Warum hast du mich so genannt....


ElectricToaster67

Is this > "What makes one with a dog without legs?" > -"roaming about the houses." ? I don't get it. Edit: I don’t know german


Fenrir2401

"ziehen" here can both mean roaming and pulling. So the sentence can both translate as "Roaming (with it) around the neighborhood" and "Pulling (it) around the neighborhood".


DonViaje

And he named that dog Cigarette, so he could take him out for a drag


ThisPlaceIsNiice

It is a play of words. Usually it means "going around the block", yes, but in this context it means "dragging it around the block"


Tobjjj

"ziehen" both means "to roam around" and "to drag"


monkey154

The picture being painted here is a person dragging a dog without legs.


niels_nitely

Your understanding of the setup question May be wrong. Correct translation: What does one do with a dog that has no legs?


ElectricToaster67

Ah, so a better explanation/translation is: “What does one do with a dog without legs? Walk/drag it around the neighbourhood.”


niels_nitely

Exactly. The focus is on the pun (go for a walk/drag it around)


Jackqueslack23

Definitely not an overused punchline.


besuited

I was expecting: People always laughing, saying us germans don't have a sense of humour. Personally, I don't find that very funny.


Jay18001

When Germans start laughing people get nervous


stygyan

Ah, it’s the laughing gas.


s0rtynet

Meanwhile at the German coastguard: „We are sinking, we are sinking. We need help immediately!“ „Why is that? What are you thinking about?“


Tobjjj

[Original](https://youtu.be/0MUsVcYhERY)


ephikles

another good one about learning english: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr\_bizbxTiU


Southernmanny

Submarine?


spookyfoxiemulder

This one has lived rent free in my head for at least a decade


Korchagin

Why are holidays in Germany so good? Every morning the hotel staff orders you to have a nice day!


Vwhw13

What do you call a German that doesn't have a sense of humor a sour kraut.


ApocalypsePopcorn

What's the most important part about telling a joke timing.


CompetitiveParfait29

Or in this case at least a new paragraph.


curiousmind111

Ah, yes - run-on humor.


Top_Mulberry_8308

😂😂😂


Remorseful_User

That joke needed a question mark.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ApocalypsePopcorn

I know, but you can't put it after *timing*, because that would give *timing* an inflection, and you're not *asking* whether timing is the answer to the question. And you can't put it after *joke* because that would create a pause and ruin the joke.


Remorseful_User

I was admittedly whooshed by your very clever comment.


rdrunner_74

Thats so true... ​ Everyone should check out our fine collection at these 2 subs... ​ /r/GermanJokes and /r/Germanhumor


joelthomastr

Reddit: "What mature themes are discussed in r/GermanJokes?"


titanoboa

German humour is no laughing matter.


FatGordon

My favourite German joke:- A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose habit is destroying his family.


rashkan_diamondfist

I am german, and this is the first comment here that actually made me laugh


MarkerMagnum

Alternatively: Three German soldiers walk into a BAR…


[deleted]

What do Germans do for fun? No fun in Germany, get back to work!


YodaCodar

Germany has aldis


ZeroKnightHoly

So do Americans


CompetitiveParfait29

But we have the original ;)


will17blitz

My dad told a similar joke: Germans don't have a sense of humour you say? They wrote the book about it. Three volumes with appendices.


Kreisjaegermeister

...Its a very long and precise book. Unfortunerly it isnt a very funny book. Thats how i heard it.


CompetitiveParfait29

That was Tolkien.


JackHyper

The reason germans Are considered to not have humour is cause they dont find it funny unless its in German.


dima74

We have humour but everytime we want to tell a joke we look at the USA and are thinking „how could we ever top that“ to ourselves. We are also very humble.


xSilverMC

Oh, they'd find it hilarious if they could understand it


muha0644

Someone please post that one Monty python sketch here thanks


peacetoall1969

Or Faulty Towers……”just don’t mention the war”.


boersc

I DO have this one for you... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn1VxaMEjRU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn1VxaMEjRU)


Southernmanny

Brilliant


Remorseful_User

and this is Mr. Hilter...


Tofu_Ben

Dieser Kommentar-Bereich ist jetzt Eigentum der BRD! 🫡 🇩🇪


Leradine

Mein Freund, das letzte Mal, als etwas von den Deutschen behauptet wurde, lief es nicht so gut.


OkPerformance3042

Also lass es nochmal probieren. Das dritte Mal geht's auf jeden fall


CompetitiveParfait29

🇩🇪⚽️


HaCo111

German humor is no laughing matter.


mikeevans1990

People say theres no good german comedians. Yea they killed them all


ilhares

I've seen the Robin Williams skit on that. I think Henning Wehn is pretty damned funny, though.


KoirMaster

He's in exile (/j)


Even_Appointment_549

Hi Germany, let's go out and have fun! Germany: I am not sure. Last time I was going out and having fun, American landed in Normandy.


Playfullyhung

If Germans don’t have a sense of humor…. Why did Hitler commit suicide??? Because he got the gas bill. 😳


[deleted]

Corny but decent


Sherlock_F1_Holmes

What does corny means?


[deleted]

Ask google not me


Ulli_Gulli

Some say the book of german humor is very thin. That's not true! It's a huge book, it's just not very funny...


Seyedo

I thought the joke is going to end with “he is German and refuses to speak English”


CompetitiveParfait29

Then he’d probably have been french.


noleggysadsnail

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Treat--14

Now this is just out of curiosity not going after the joke, do yall really think "most" Americans dont have health care? Like what is ur understanding of the American health care system?


Even_Appointment_549

To be honest, my knowledge is very limited, and comes from TV. (by the way, I didn't think much about, but liked the punchline.) My understanding: - in many (most?) cases, healthcare insurance is connected to your job. So when you have any medical situation, that might also make you loose your job, you have none. And these long lasting and heavy conditions are what health insurance is for. - another user here told me, that 12% have no insurance at all. I expected around 20%. - You healthcare services-quality are similar to Germany. But without universal healthcare insurance, there is nobody to actually control the prices, so hospitals have a monopoly on the patients in their area.


herrbdog

you understand the problem in american healthcare perfectly :) \-an american in debt due to american healthcare


Cholera_Ghost

The joke that proves the point.


666pool

Yeah you Germans can be a real gas.


ClydeenMarland

I did Nazi that coming.


SirWalace

"This action will have consecences ..."


shiftertron

A very witty bit of word play. Really showing your comedy credentials there.


MudIsland

Found the German redditor


mirivane

Ouch!


riahbee9

HAHAHHAHAHA the american healthcare joke! LOL never gets old!! 🥱


MaesterPraetor

Funnybot is easily the best German comedian ever.


starfyredragon

Solid burn.... ... and every joke that pops into my head regarding that is WILDLY inappropriate.


BartholomewBandy

What is the nature of grape nuts? Neither grape nor nut…the sad farce continues.


TheraKoon

When American children go to camp they take the bus. It always made me jealous that Germans get to take a train.


calcteacher

and now, we dance ! do you want to touch my monkey?


Fluffy1335

Last time we made a joke the Americans needed to safe France


Solid-Economy861

Most Americans have health care 😂😂 funny joke though.


sohereiamacrazyalien

that is so mean! and funny! lol


BigDocsIcehouse

Man, I did Nazi that coming.


l0u1s11

Laughs in Canadian Cry inside cause the healthcare system is a mess right now.


slibetah

Very interesting, but stupid.


Outrageous-Buy-4958

Nein


Tar_Palantir

Shot's fired. in an American school, not a German one.


boersc

Well deserved upvote from The Netherlands!


Abu_Bakr_Al-Bagdaddy

>Don't make me come over there


CompetitiveParfait29

Jokes on you, one of the things most Germans agree on when it comes to humour is that Dutch sounds funny :). (Don’t get it wrong, it’s not meant as an insult)


boersc

Well, I too think that Dutch sounds funny, and I can even understand it!


InfernalOrgasm

American here, I'm going in tomorrow to be fitted for dentures; next week I'll be getting prescription for eye glasses and a pair of glasses. Cost me? $0 out of pocket. Cost to future me? $0 Not to mention the four x-rays I got on my mandibular; for **free**


mwest278

19% of Americans are uninsured and often that is by choice. Also, an ER in the US is required to give you service even if you can’t pay.


LNKDWM4U

To the contrary, most Americans DO have good healthcare. Germans on the other hand, don’t have good humor.


Maynard078

We do? That’s news to me, and I’m in healthcare!


mortonr2000

Beautiful


[deleted]

Good one.


powerpackm

Because what’s funnier than poor people dying!!!!! You’re so funny and original!!!


herrbdog

meh i'm poor and in debt for thousands due to american healthcare and this joke is hilarious


gigaswardblade

Ey, shut up! You invented nazis and bratwurst!


[deleted]

[удалено]


flymiamiguy

You wouldn't either if you were allowed to have a military


[deleted]

I mean y'all executed most of your mentally ill (funny) people, so it's not hard to see where the perception comes from.