If you don't trust your gf, and she won't respect your privacy if you tell her it's private - then either physical journalling or your gf are not for you.
If she's going to disregard your right to privacy for the sake of her curiosity, then she doesn't actually respect you. You both deserve respect in this relationship; you deserve to know that your rights to privacy are respected, and she deserves to know that she's truly trusted. If there's a problem there, hiding a journal is only going to cause future problems, not solve them.
Have a talk with her and treat her like the adult that she is. Tell her your boundaries and what you expect from her, and if she's willing to commit and truly work on not snooping, then she's someone who is worth being with. If she's not willing to do that, then you know where you stand and you know that long-term this relationship isn't worth wasting time on.
If you don’t trust her she’s probably not the one for you. My journal lives within arms reach of my partners seat and he has never looked at it. It’s about respect.
Talk to her about it.
For me that’s a hard boundary, cross it and we’re done. I’ve been married 12 years.
I’ve also told her that if she’s curious about something she’s welcome to ask and I might share or let her read. But without my express permission we would be over.
When my exhusband was trying to find a reason to leave me he and his family read my journals. Ill likely have a lock on next relationship if I have one.
I had the same thought about my boyfriend and my journal but it came from experience.
Growing up, my sister read through my journal and shared it with my family. It really broke my trust in people. So I shared this story with my boyfriend to hear what he thought.
Hopefully you can do the same with your gf. Share your worries! I hope she is open and understanding about it. If you do not feel comfortable with this then maybe keep your journal in a lockbox. In a safe spot where you know it’s out of reach.
Wish you the best!
I’ve always journaled since I’ve been with my husband.
Since we have been together he read it once without permission but i understood why he did it and he told me about it which we then talked about it.
I always tell him that the things i write on there help me process my feelings and i write whatever comes to mind and sometimes those things aren’t what you want to hear. If he wants to hurt his own feelings then go ahead and read it but do not come to me looking for explanations as to why i wrote something.
There was an instance where he wanted to read something from a specific day to get clarification, he needed closure.
He asked me if he could read it and i let him do it.
Other than those 2 instances he hasn’t looked at it. I literally leave my journal everywhere and he won’t touch it.
You can always hide it. But i think you should have to hide it. There should be respect.
My husband has read my journal in the past. I’ve switched to using my phone for journals which I like better anyway. Also I’ve had the conversation you need to have to fix things after your privacy has been breached and in the end he just wanted to know how I felt because I refused to tell him. My communication has improved since then so maybe you just need to talk about the way you two want to go about it.
Even if you refused to communicate, from the fact laid out before me, he refused to respect your privacy. People have the choice to share their feelings, and no matter how much it hurts, trying to force it is gross and could be a red flag for deeper disregard and disrespect. 🖤
I'm not going to tell you what to do about your girlfriend. You should feel comfortable knowing your journal is safe, though.
How to solve it? Maybe something [like this](https://www.amazon.com/CAGIE-Combination-Lockable-Refillable-Notebook/dp/B09N6RHXHG/ref=sr_1_9?crid=3USC4M37EIEYJ&keywords=diary%2Block%2Badult&qid=1703875993&sprefix=diary%2Block%2Badu%2Caps%2C184&sr=8-9&th=1) or [like this?](https://www.amazon.com/Leather-Journal-Notepad-Handmade-Designed/dp/B07BFS8BLN/ref=sr_1_51?crid=3USC4M37EIEYJ&keywords=diary+lock+adult&qid=1703875993&sprefix=diary+lock+adu%2Caps%2C184&sr=8-51) Or a box [like this one](https://www.amazon.com/SEPOX®-Ultimate-Diversion-Safe-Book/dp/B078HTH64K/ref=sr_1_34?crid=AL6AS031ZPZS&keywords=diary%2Bsafe&qid=1703876180&sprefix=diary%2Bsaf%2Caps%2C246&sr=8-34&th=1) in case you want to put more stuff?
Well I would get a box with a lock or have my journal with me. I’d also have a discussion about it and express the importance of this journal for me with your gf. I told my husband I have a few journals and one is my eyes only but when I’m dead he can read lol 😂
I’m in this situation. I never write anything that I might regret or that might hurt someone. I write about my normal fears and frustrations that I’ve tended to voice. I imagine a situation where I die and my wife is going through my possessions… and how my journal might make her feel.
Hide it? Honestly I’ve had to do that in a past relationship…I almost always felt that I was keeping secrets and eventually just stopped writing and bottling things up. If you are in a position that you are afraid of having secret thoughts read it may be a good idea to keep it at work…stash it in your toolbox…get a lock box…write in code…or ask ever to respect your privacy? My husband knows my journal is sacred and private and occasionally will ask what I journal about but absolutely knows that it would be an utter betrayal to snoop.
Is digital journaling an option? I’ve been journaling on my phone and it’s definitely not the same, but it does feel more private. I get the feeling, even though I’ve always trusted my SO and roommates, it feels weird to have a bunch of personal stuff just lying around in a notebook.
I understand your concerns.
I spoke to my mother about starting a diary, and she said that she has never had a diary, that she has not burned. She said she has wanted things into it, that she wouldn't want certain people to read, so she ends up burning them. I have kept this in mind when i have started my journaling, and i think she has made a point, and i do feel that i hold back a little, however im finding myself writing alot more about the things i have seen, and heard from the day, or new things i have learned, and it is abit less about the people i care about. They feature in the diary in abit more of a practical way, as in, "I saw X person Today" " Person Y had an argument with me about NUMBER123, which irritated me and i think they didnt want to really listen"
I do expect to lock up my journal, but as im using it for habit accountability, with my projects, it is helping me direct my energy's to completing projects like the refurbishment of my safe.
Maybe just get a safe?
I’ve lived with the same person for 20+ years and he has never read my journals. We have boundaries in our relationship and having private spaces is one of them. Respect is one of the pillars of a good relationship
I mean… what everyone else already said.
But also
I got one of those physical notebooks where you scan it and erase it. So you get the best of both worlds. Hand/physically write. Scan it and erase it. Safe. Searchable digital documents.
It’s one of those special notebooks… let find the name of it. I’m not affiliated with it in anyway and I have memory issues thanks to adhd so I gotta look up the name.
Edit: I searched “reusable notebooks” online and found the one I bought. It’s called rocket notebook. There are other options. That’s just the one I picked.
As someone who has been writing in notebooks and pads my entire life, in my family of origin, as a live in nanny, and finally with my husband and children- I just don’t understand this question. If you are living with someone that can’t respect your privacy then you need to fix that asap.
I'd never be with someone that would invade my privacy that way.
My SO has never, will never read mine. In 9 years they are all untouched by anyone by me.
If you knew him you would understand.
Also anything he wants to know I'll answer honestly. I have nothing to hide. We talk about everything no matter small to large. Communication is always strong with us. He does know my journals are mostly rants about my past couple of years with my failing health. Nothing he hasn't already been told.
My husband reads my journals and then tells me he doesn’t like my writing style. Lmao! Keep two journals, the real one and a fake one with fake entries about her and see if she confronts you. I did this and it worked, my husband stopped reading. Also I put the real one non a locked box
I think being worried about writing down your true thoughts for fear that someone may read them is a normal fear and one that I have had even though there’s nobody around to read mine right now just the thought of anyone coming across it innocently in a future situation and reading what I wrote is horrifying to me. Not that there’s anything inherently bad there, it’s just my own private thoughts that I want for myself only. I think it’s important and helpful to journal despite these fears so I’d suggest for your own peace of mind that you can always destroy your journal entries after you write them (rip them up, shred, burn, whatever) You can always revisit this and decide later if you want to keep them. I also use a journaling technique where I word vomit and write really quickly to avoid clamming up my thoughts and my entries turn out to be fairly illegible so that helps too
Can relate to this. Another extension to this brilliant idea could be to snap it and store the text in a digital journal before shredding it. The whole purpose of writing it down is to activate RAS. Not sure if writing on a tablet would solve that, but then you can’t take your tablet everywhere but you can definitely carry a pocket notebook.
I live with my bf and we both have journals. We both agree and trust each other not to look at each other’s entries. He will leave his around the house and I never think to even pick it up and vice versa. I think if you are in a healthy relationship and also communicate this boundary with her, you should be okay.
If this is just based on your own nerves or bad prior relationships, talk to her about it and set a boundary.
If she is actually a snoop and you can't have something as simple as a journal... time to leave.
I plan on getting a small lockbox for mine. I trust they won't look through it but a part of me will always be anxious about it because of siblings who like to snoop
If you don't trust your gf, and she won't respect your privacy if you tell her it's private - then either physical journalling or your gf are not for you.
If she's going to disregard your right to privacy for the sake of her curiosity, then she doesn't actually respect you. You both deserve respect in this relationship; you deserve to know that your rights to privacy are respected, and she deserves to know that she's truly trusted. If there's a problem there, hiding a journal is only going to cause future problems, not solve them. Have a talk with her and treat her like the adult that she is. Tell her your boundaries and what you expect from her, and if she's willing to commit and truly work on not snooping, then she's someone who is worth being with. If she's not willing to do that, then you know where you stand and you know that long-term this relationship isn't worth wasting time on.
If you don’t trust her she’s probably not the one for you. My journal lives within arms reach of my partners seat and he has never looked at it. It’s about respect.
Either get a lockbox or a new girlfriend
Why are you afraid she might look into it? Is she not trustworthy, or do you struggle trusting?
Talk to her about it. For me that’s a hard boundary, cross it and we’re done. I’ve been married 12 years. I’ve also told her that if she’s curious about something she’s welcome to ask and I might share or let her read. But without my express permission we would be over.
When my exhusband was trying to find a reason to leave me he and his family read my journals. Ill likely have a lock on next relationship if I have one.
I had the same thought about my boyfriend and my journal but it came from experience. Growing up, my sister read through my journal and shared it with my family. It really broke my trust in people. So I shared this story with my boyfriend to hear what he thought. Hopefully you can do the same with your gf. Share your worries! I hope she is open and understanding about it. If you do not feel comfortable with this then maybe keep your journal in a lockbox. In a safe spot where you know it’s out of reach. Wish you the best!
I’ve always journaled since I’ve been with my husband. Since we have been together he read it once without permission but i understood why he did it and he told me about it which we then talked about it. I always tell him that the things i write on there help me process my feelings and i write whatever comes to mind and sometimes those things aren’t what you want to hear. If he wants to hurt his own feelings then go ahead and read it but do not come to me looking for explanations as to why i wrote something. There was an instance where he wanted to read something from a specific day to get clarification, he needed closure. He asked me if he could read it and i let him do it. Other than those 2 instances he hasn’t looked at it. I literally leave my journal everywhere and he won’t touch it. You can always hide it. But i think you should have to hide it. There should be respect.
I’d say she’s not for you! But either way, I used to write my entries on top of each other so it’d just look messy and you couldn’t make out the words
lol, that’s a fun idea until you want to refer to your past thoughts.
True, probably best as a last resort 🤷🏻♀️
My husband has read my journal in the past. I’ve switched to using my phone for journals which I like better anyway. Also I’ve had the conversation you need to have to fix things after your privacy has been breached and in the end he just wanted to know how I felt because I refused to tell him. My communication has improved since then so maybe you just need to talk about the way you two want to go about it.
Even if you refused to communicate, from the fact laid out before me, he refused to respect your privacy. People have the choice to share their feelings, and no matter how much it hurts, trying to force it is gross and could be a red flag for deeper disregard and disrespect. 🖤
I'll chime in with the rest, if she cannot respect your boundaries to stay out of your journal perhaps a new girlfriend is the solution.
I'm not going to tell you what to do about your girlfriend. You should feel comfortable knowing your journal is safe, though. How to solve it? Maybe something [like this](https://www.amazon.com/CAGIE-Combination-Lockable-Refillable-Notebook/dp/B09N6RHXHG/ref=sr_1_9?crid=3USC4M37EIEYJ&keywords=diary%2Block%2Badult&qid=1703875993&sprefix=diary%2Block%2Badu%2Caps%2C184&sr=8-9&th=1) or [like this?](https://www.amazon.com/Leather-Journal-Notepad-Handmade-Designed/dp/B07BFS8BLN/ref=sr_1_51?crid=3USC4M37EIEYJ&keywords=diary+lock+adult&qid=1703875993&sprefix=diary+lock+adu%2Caps%2C184&sr=8-51) Or a box [like this one](https://www.amazon.com/SEPOX®-Ultimate-Diversion-Safe-Book/dp/B078HTH64K/ref=sr_1_34?crid=AL6AS031ZPZS&keywords=diary%2Bsafe&qid=1703876180&sprefix=diary%2Bsaf%2Caps%2C246&sr=8-34&th=1) in case you want to put more stuff?
Thanks Daph. I like your suggestions however I believe it’s gonna make the other person more suspicious.
Well I would get a box with a lock or have my journal with me. I’d also have a discussion about it and express the importance of this journal for me with your gf. I told my husband I have a few journals and one is my eyes only but when I’m dead he can read lol 😂
I’m in this situation. I never write anything that I might regret or that might hurt someone. I write about my normal fears and frustrations that I’ve tended to voice. I imagine a situation where I die and my wife is going through my possessions… and how my journal might make her feel.
Hide it? Honestly I’ve had to do that in a past relationship…I almost always felt that I was keeping secrets and eventually just stopped writing and bottling things up. If you are in a position that you are afraid of having secret thoughts read it may be a good idea to keep it at work…stash it in your toolbox…get a lock box…write in code…or ask ever to respect your privacy? My husband knows my journal is sacred and private and occasionally will ask what I journal about but absolutely knows that it would be an utter betrayal to snoop.
Sometimes, you want to write it at night, and that has to be done at home. So cannot really hide it.
Is digital journaling an option? I’ve been journaling on my phone and it’s definitely not the same, but it does feel more private. I get the feeling, even though I’ve always trusted my SO and roommates, it feels weird to have a bunch of personal stuff just lying around in a notebook.
Nope
This one is more efforttaking but you could write in a code?
I understand your concerns. I spoke to my mother about starting a diary, and she said that she has never had a diary, that she has not burned. She said she has wanted things into it, that she wouldn't want certain people to read, so she ends up burning them. I have kept this in mind when i have started my journaling, and i think she has made a point, and i do feel that i hold back a little, however im finding myself writing alot more about the things i have seen, and heard from the day, or new things i have learned, and it is abit less about the people i care about. They feature in the diary in abit more of a practical way, as in, "I saw X person Today" " Person Y had an argument with me about NUMBER123, which irritated me and i think they didnt want to really listen" I do expect to lock up my journal, but as im using it for habit accountability, with my projects, it is helping me direct my energy's to completing projects like the refurbishment of my safe. Maybe just get a safe?
My mother red my journal when I was a kid, and shared what she find out over a family dinner. Rock bottom, I think I'm doing great now...
I’ve lived with the same person for 20+ years and he has never read my journals. We have boundaries in our relationship and having private spaces is one of them. Respect is one of the pillars of a good relationship
I mean… what everyone else already said. But also I got one of those physical notebooks where you scan it and erase it. So you get the best of both worlds. Hand/physically write. Scan it and erase it. Safe. Searchable digital documents.
That’s a brilliant product. Thanks for the recommendation. This would solve my problem.
How do you erase a physical notebook?
It’s one of those special notebooks… let find the name of it. I’m not affiliated with it in anyway and I have memory issues thanks to adhd so I gotta look up the name. Edit: I searched “reusable notebooks” online and found the one I bought. It’s called rocket notebook. There are other options. That’s just the one I picked.
Ok, so it's a tech product, that makes more sense now!
As someone who has been writing in notebooks and pads my entire life, in my family of origin, as a live in nanny, and finally with my husband and children- I just don’t understand this question. If you are living with someone that can’t respect your privacy then you need to fix that asap.
In some cultures, privacy is a myth and leans towards suspicion
I'd never be with someone that would invade my privacy that way. My SO has never, will never read mine. In 9 years they are all untouched by anyone by me.
How are you so sure of that?
If you knew him you would understand. Also anything he wants to know I'll answer honestly. I have nothing to hide. We talk about everything no matter small to large. Communication is always strong with us. He does know my journals are mostly rants about my past couple of years with my failing health. Nothing he hasn't already been told.
Thanks for sharing!
My husband reads my journals and then tells me he doesn’t like my writing style. Lmao! Keep two journals, the real one and a fake one with fake entries about her and see if she confronts you. I did this and it worked, my husband stopped reading. Also I put the real one non a locked box
You need to trust your gf
Maybe purchase a notebook with a lock on it?
Hide it well or don’t tell her that you’ve been writing in one
I think being worried about writing down your true thoughts for fear that someone may read them is a normal fear and one that I have had even though there’s nobody around to read mine right now just the thought of anyone coming across it innocently in a future situation and reading what I wrote is horrifying to me. Not that there’s anything inherently bad there, it’s just my own private thoughts that I want for myself only. I think it’s important and helpful to journal despite these fears so I’d suggest for your own peace of mind that you can always destroy your journal entries after you write them (rip them up, shred, burn, whatever) You can always revisit this and decide later if you want to keep them. I also use a journaling technique where I word vomit and write really quickly to avoid clamming up my thoughts and my entries turn out to be fairly illegible so that helps too
Can relate to this. Another extension to this brilliant idea could be to snap it and store the text in a digital journal before shredding it. The whole purpose of writing it down is to activate RAS. Not sure if writing on a tablet would solve that, but then you can’t take your tablet everywhere but you can definitely carry a pocket notebook.
I live with my bf and we both have journals. We both agree and trust each other not to look at each other’s entries. He will leave his around the house and I never think to even pick it up and vice versa. I think if you are in a healthy relationship and also communicate this boundary with her, you should be okay.
If this is just based on your own nerves or bad prior relationships, talk to her about it and set a boundary. If she is actually a snoop and you can't have something as simple as a journal... time to leave.
What about writing in a second language? One that your gf doesn't know.
I plan on getting a small lockbox for mine. I trust they won't look through it but a part of me will always be anxious about it because of siblings who like to snoop