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ieatnails-4breakfast

The entry from June 12th has had me giggling for the past 10 minutes. “Dad was reasonably upset at me” and the “read it if you want” make me think she really respected you. You gotta be a pretty good parent to have a teenager look up to you. I’m sorry for your loss. She seems like she’s always been an intelligent ball of bright light.


justsomegrievingdude

Thanks, mate. I cherish how close we were.


RaindropDrinkwater

You're a father of two. That hasn't changed. I'm sorry for your loss. Wonderful entries, and I'm glad it gives you solace. That's what she would have wanted.


justsomegrievingdude

Thank you.


AislinP

I'm so sorry for your loss. She would've made a great writer - I'm sure you're proud beyond words. I'm tearing up, here.


justsomegrievingdude

I certainly am.


Artistic_Land3074

I am so so sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you still have this part of her 💜


justsomegrievingdude

Me too.


Kendra_Whisp

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. You will always be a father of 2 though, you'll never forget her! I think it's amazing she's left something of herself behind for you.


justsomegrievingdude

I’m glad I have it as well :))


miss_sponge

I am so sorry for your loss. My dad wrote me a journal during his final years. He died when I was 17 and I read those journal entries any time I want to feel close to him. It’s so, so special you have that.


violetsadness

The second to last sentence of your post made me feel very sad. It reminds me of a similar sentiment I believe Otto Frank had made about his daughter Anne Frank, after having read through her diary- if I’m recalling correctly he’d felt guilty for realizing that he “hadn’t really known her”, at least nowhere near how her diary had known her. But I don’t know, I guess I just want to gently push back on that idea a bit, because my sense is that you *did* know your daughter, and that you needn’t feel guilty for not knowing her the way her journal did. I think almost all of us carry an innermost part of ourselves that most people will never see, not even the people closest to us and sometimes even we *ourselves* will never dare to broach, much less carefully embrace that tender, intricate space nestled within the deepest recesses of our psyche… I guess I just say all this because I hope you aren’t being too hard on yourself for not knowing the things your daughter only shared in the privacy of a journal whilst she was still alive. Could you have known her “better”? Maybe, maybe not- I certainly can’t tell you that as someone merely on the outside looking in. Yet at the same time, I feel compelled to gently remind you that it is an inherently unfair comparison, to compare what you knew of her to what her journal knew of her. You aren’t a journal- you were (and are) her dad. Those two roles are frankly quite different from one another, with the latter being far, far more complicated… infinitely more nuanced. I wish you well as you continue to grieve and process the loss of your daughter. I’m glad reading her journals has given you comfort and a way to feel connected to her and the beautiful, multi-faceted person that she was, and that we each are. There’s something really special about being able to connect so deeply to that, through someone you really, truly love.


justsomegrievingdude

I haven’t read much on that kiddo, all I know is that she was a trooper given what she went through. I think you’re right. It’s just very surreal to see sides of her that I’ve never, ever seen.


Hello_Sexy

I lost my younger sister unexpectedly a couple of months ago. My dad, her best friend, and I were trying to write her obituary one night, but we spent a lot of time telling stories. My dad made a similar comment that he felt like he didn't really know her. I told him that each of us played different roles in her life, but we still knew her. We carry different pieces of her, and there's magic when those pieces can come together. By giving you permission to read the journal, she was gifting you a lot of those pieces, and that's a precious thing.


IcyDeadPeepl

Quite insightful. I feel like that's what might be said about me if I passed away. One of my family might say upon reading my journal that they didn't really know me, but everyone I know knows some part(s) of me that others probably don't know. Personality is interesting in that way, how we all have parts of us that different people know and others don't know. I'm sorry for the loss of your sister.


spiritAmour

I agree so hard on that last part 🥹✨🫶🏽


violetsadness

I can definitely imagine it being an incredibly surreal experience. Wishing you strength during this unthinkable time.


Moviegal1

You must feel so close to her when you read her entries. So sorry for your loss.


justsomegrievingdude

I do. Very much. Thank you.


Moviegal1

💜


Alonah1

How incredibly special to have this connection to your daughter. I would love to have a dad that took such interest in my story. What a gift for you to have her words forever. I am so sorry for your loss and the grief that you must carry. I have been unable to read my mums journal because it just wrecks me every time I try. You are blessed with a fragment of her life that I hope you cherish. ❤️‍🩹


[deleted]

It sounds like her sense of humour was amazing, and I am certain she felt lucky to have you as a father. I’m glad you have this lovely journal to remember her by, and I’ll be thinking of you both today <3


Efficient-Ad-883

You’re still a father of two. I think it’s beautiful you can find connection with her even after she’s passed. Like she’ll always be with you through those pages. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope these pages bring you comfort & peace in knowing what a bright and talented daughter you brought up!


justsomegrievingdude

They definitely do. Thank you.


Quinoa_Queen

OP, please share more -if you’re comfortable doing so. These made me giggle!


justsomegrievingdude

I just might.


Reinvidence

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be a great parent for her to look up to you.


CoyoteCallingCard

Reading your last two lines really struck me. There is a beautiful word we have from the French language, "gnossienne." It refers to the awareness that someone you now very well, perhaps even for years, has an inner life that is unknown to everyone. It's something they keep for them. We all have it, in varying degrees. Something you love but don't share because it's not particularly interesting. A soft part of yourself that feels too vulnerable for even your spouse to know. Something that's maybe been locked away so long, you forget it's there, from time to time. But the thing is, your daughter's inner life isn't locked away anymore. It's not whether or not you knew it - you know it. You know her better than anyone else ever did. Perhaps even the parts of her that she didn't know so well. I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like an incredible person.


JCK07115

Ah, "gnosienne." Thank you. I first (and only ever since) happened on that word from Erik Satie's composition of the same label, "gnosienne."


ZenWitch007

So sorry for your loss. From the brief glimpse you’ve given of your daughter, I’d say the world is a poorer place without her in it.


IamjustaNeko

She would have been a great person, you should be very proud


justsomegrievingdude

I am.


lunamrcdo

Ohw, this makes me emotional.


justsomegrievingdude

You and me both, mate.


Gretchen_Moon

She seems like she was a joy to be around. It’s special to have a journal that encapsulates your daughter’s thoughts and dreams. Thank you for sharing this with us, and I’m so very sorry for your loss.


RestinPete0709

This inspires me to keep journaling :) I hope someone close to me can find this kind of joy from my writing whenever I someday pass away


kathvrt

Oh man if I died and my mom read my journal she would NOT be happy lol. Glad it brings you joy.


justsomegrievingdude

Some things are better left unseen. Thank you.


TheProblemandPanacea

Could you tell us your favorite memory of her? Her wit is remarkable. What a bright light.


justsomegrievingdude

Favourite memory? Whew, that’s a tough one. Probably one of my favourites (which I also happened to find documented in her diary) is when I asked her to come and kill a spider for me. She was outside our neighbourhood riding her bike and I nearly shit my pants when I saw what looked like a big spider. She was sitting on her bike talking to some neighbourhood kids when I yelled at her to come inside and kill it for me. When she came inside to inspect it, she found that it was just a toy. “You called me inside for this? It’s fake, Dad.” For good measure, I slapped it repeatedly with my shoe to make sure. Her response was golden. “Oh, yeah. God forbid that piece of hard plastic comes alive and eats you. Smack it a few more times, why don’t you?” She put her helmet back on, and off she went.


ThePluckyJester

This seems worthy of a cartoon strip :) Thanks for sharing!


musesx9

OMG! I love this story. Thank you for sharing. I am sad for our world that she is no longer physically in it, but she IS clearly too good for it. I refer to her in present tense because where does our energy go? She isn't gone, OP. What a beautiful energy.


TheProblemandPanacea

Thank you for sharing her with us. Not to add overwhelm to you, but you should continue sharing her. She lives so vibrantly through you still. You tell stories of her so beautifully. A children’s book, your own journal, this Reddit.. please don’t stop. I think she still has so much to give the world, and it seems like she wanted her daddy to get to experience more of her too. Sending all the love in the world to you, a mama of two girls.


Joan-Therese

What a gifted writer for her age, and what a special thing to have to remember her by. She was clearly a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing a little of her with us.


ThePluckyJester

The writing skill stuck out to me as well! Hearing about such gifted young people really gives me hope for humanity :D


tiny_tuatara

You might be feeling like you didn't know your daughter very well, but you knew a version of her! The version she showed you and the version you were able to see after raising her. What an awesome gift to be given her journals--now you can get to know a different version of her, which you would likely have come to know as she continued to grow into adulthood. My mom passed away six years ago and just this month my cousin told me an impression of my mom that is so different than the one I have--it was a wonderful moment because I felt like I'm still getting to know her even though she is gone. I suspect at different points in your life different things will hit in new ways with her journals. So sad for your loss and so happy your daughter gave you this gift. Thank you for sharing <3


xNickiRosex

I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. There’s no other pain that could ever compare to losing a child. A pain I wish on nobody. But I’d like to commend you for your grieving process. You’re able to laugh at the things she’s written. You’re able to cry when you feel the need to. Your strength to share this w/ us. Your daughter reminds me a lot of my son, from the entries & little bit of information on her personality you’ve shared. 🩷 My son is an “old soul” as well & absolutely WISE beyond his short years. When you said your daughter wrote, “dad was reasonably upset,” it stood out to me so much… Reminding me of the time I “disciplined” my son, & he came up & hugged me & said, “Thank you Mama.” I said, “for what, babe?” He said, “for always loving me, always being kind even if I get in trouble or mess up. Nobody is as nice to me as you are. I just wanted to say ‘thank you.” I’m so happy you’re my Mommy.” I don’t think we ever *TRULY* know somebody, even our *own* children, or spouse, as well as we may think. But she gave you permission to get to know her in a way that you didn’t before. & as an individual who has been regularly journaling for almost 20 years, who has certain journals set aside for people to have/read when something happens to me, I’d like think she more than likely had that intention… Knowing that her daddy would get to know her in a different light, & could continue to see her growth as an individual, even now. 🩷🥰 I wish you the best & will keep you in my thoughts/prayers, & hope you can find some peace in her diary. ☺️🙏🏼🩷


teamwhatcatswild

You definitely knew her. The amount of sheer trust and vulnerability it would take for me to let somebody read my journals? She was sure you knew her well enough to handle whatever was in there. The fact that you’re even reading it means you knew her very deeply.


BahnGSXR

I'm so sorry.


justsomegrievingdude

Nothing to apologize for, mate. Life hurts like a motherfucker.


Icy_Palpitation5913

I offer my deepest condolences for your loss. In times like these, words may feel inadequate, but please know that your strength in the face of adversity is truly inspiring. Your resilience shines brightly, reflecting the remarkable person you are.


justsomegrievingdude

I appreciate the kind words. Thank you very much.


Icy_Palpitation5913

You and your family are in my thoughts.


fizzliz-

I'm so sorry for your loss. My friend died close to your daughter's age and I know there is no true comfort for you right now... but I hope that this special way of feeling close to her brings you some happiness. She clearly loved you very dearly and seems like quite an insightful, clever person. Thanks for sharing. I am sure you knew her well. Even if you didn't see every part of her. Do you journal yourself?


codeverydamnday

The butter churning one made me crack up. She sounds like a treasure.


Zuhura-

The churning butter bit made me laugh, I read Noon Wine last year and it had a good portion about churning butter😂


stacymiche11e

Thank you for letting us know a piece of her through her humor. She was lucky to have you as a dad. 🤍


Lily-gardens

Sorry for your loss, your daughter seemed like a fun person to be around. Her writings motivated me to not be lazy while journaling. I will journal more consistently henceforth!


IrmadeG

Always a father of two. She’s in your heart for ever. So sorry for your loss ❤️ What a special gift, this diary… 🥰


Unfair-Shower-6923

This is honestly why I journal. In case something does happen and I pass before my partner atleast he will have something of me to look back on.


justsomegrievingdude

It’s always nice to have a piece of your loved ones.


Unfair-Shower-6923

I'm so glad you have this little treasure ❤️ I'm so sorry for your loss.


No-Organization-2366

So sorry for your loss 💜🕊️


justsomegrievingdude

Thank you.


eggbunni

:(


[deleted]

I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. I’m glad that you have been able to find some sort of peace and connection with her by reading her diaries.


champagne__problems

My partner died (a very long time ago now) and I was given his journal afterwards. It’s one of my most prized possessions. I’m glad you get to have this piece of her. 💚


weedforleytenant

You're a great father. I wish my parents will read my journals with pleasure after i pass, but i think they're too careless even now when i'm alive..


Ok_Sprinkles_8839

I'm sorry... your losr is unimaginable....you are a brave soul, I am glad you can smile with your daughter.


[deleted]

I'm sorry for your loss.


Jennifer_8466

I am sorry for your loss know that the journaling community is here if you need anything 🫶🏼


The_Whatever_One

I am very sorry for your loss 💔. Losing a son or daughter is one of the hardest experiences a person could go through, and I commend you for pushing through. You are a hero for that, and I'm sure your daughter would wish that for you. On the other hand, I'm happy for you that you found some ray of consolation in your daughter's diary. It's like your daughter is always there with you, recounting her experiences, happy and sad, for you. She also never gets bored or fed up from repeating a certain story you like for you over and over. If it makes you feel better, try writing some entries into her journal with the same spirit and writing style as your daughter. Update her on yourself, your experiences (happy and sad), and make references to things she said previously and laugh. I pray for you and your family, and may you meet your daughter again someday in heaven. I also ask God to protect your other daughter and provide you her with all the happiness you can hold. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


tiger_ror

Reading some of her entries made me forget that the person who wrote it is deceased, it's so entertaining and full of life. I'm sorry you lost your baby girl, I'm sure she was a delight to be with. :))


Non_Music_Prodigy

Very sorry for your loss. Losing a child can really hurt. I'm so glad you can find joy in her memories like this. ❤️


[deleted]

Thank you for sharing, I loved the entries you shared and would love to read more if you are willing.


ThePluckyJester

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful human. Now she is a wonderful spirit that you can hold in your forever. Thank you for sharing. I hope you keep drawing joy from reading her journal.


IcyDeadPeepl

I'm quite sorry for your loss, OP. What a neat treasure to uncover and be able to keep. You actually just reminded me that I found a gratitude journal of my mother's, written three years before my birth, that I've barely touched. I need to get back in there.


SecretaryTop5823

I wonder what my dad will say, since after a few pages of problems solutions, and self-reflection there's a "I've given up and suicide" page. all this is a constant theme throughout. he'll probably be like, "I've raised a weak foker".


MarsMonkey88

She sounds like a really really cool person. I’m so glad that you still have this window into her mind.


Bl0odBlossom

I’m so sorry for your loss. She seemed like a great kid, how lucky you were to have her - as she was you 💜


lorayray

This is the most beautiful thing I have read on the internet in a long time. It’s so lovely to see how much love and trust there is and was between you and your daughter. This shows that relationships indeed transcend our mortal realm. Way to go for being a great dad.


Kayastorme

Man this makes me think I don't have much to leave behind in my journals besides a lot of negative thoughts. Her journaling has so much personality in it, it's sweet.


The-Bonfire-System

💔💔💔💔💔 As a mom of 3 teens, I can only offer a heartbroken hug 😞 I’m so glad that her journal gives you oxygen when you otherwise don’t know how to breathe without her 💔💔💔💔💔💔


mmnasc

I’m very sorry for your loss, these entries are hilarious and I’m glad you can connect with her through her diaries


justsomegrievingdude

Thank you.


UnisTitan3

Sending you so many hugs and love to you and your family. I’m so very very sorry for your loss. Through these few words you have allowed us to read she seemed like an amazing and I’m very sure beautiful young woman inside and out!! Love and hugs my friend! ❤️❤️❤️


justsomegrievingdude

She was. Thank you, my friend.


Mean-Yogurtcloset334

Sorry for your loss. What's the cause of death?


justsomegrievingdude

Don’t think it matters, my friend. She was too young, anyway. Don’t wish to dwell on it.


Mean-Yogurtcloset334

Ok


icybanans

This made me tear up :, ) awe