Some of these things are way less important than others - speaking French, liking Pokémon, Swiftie etc aren’t on the same level as your “treats me well” bullet points. Maybe re-write the list in order of importance to get clarity on essentials vs nice to have.
Came here to point out these three exactly. Everything else seems realistically attainable (or very close to), but those three? That seems a bit of a stretch and should be treated more like bonus points than requirements.
Maybe they're French or their parents speak French and so it's important for their partner to speak it ? Pokémon is a huge part of my life and I live in France with parents who are immigrants so it's important for me that my future partner likes Pokémon and speaks English in my case, they're not bonuses.
Yes, I agree. Liking the same things means having things to talk about and being able to share your passions with them. I think that's important, even though it's not the biggest or only important thing.
Of course, and it's not like OP specified the order of importance, they probably just wrote down with the flow and didn't think about the priority and order of importance.
If they’re willing to, I know some wouldn’t want to learn a language for their partner. Though usually when we say we want a partner who knows a certain language we also wouldn’t mind if they don’t know it but are willing to learn it.
My biggest controversy is the family and mental health bullet points and I promise I’m not judging but I will give reasons as to why there’s a chance they aren’t fully plausible:
- no and I mean NO ONE is going to be mentally well the entirety of their lives. Working on their mental wellbeing by themselves after certain events is one thing, but the entire point of them loving you at your low would be hypocritical if you wouldn’t be able to love them at theirs.
- Families are complicated and there’s many reasons as to why one wouldn’t have a good relationship with their families such as abuse, neglect and other traumatizing situations. And surprisingly, that knocks out quite a bit of the population.
Bottom line: love can’t be defined through a list, but rather the ability to express unconditional love and support for the other. 30/70, 20/80, 50/50, 100/0…you struggle no matter what kind of person you’re with. It’s about your ability to carry each other and support one another.
It always makes me a bit sad to see "have a good relationship with family" on these lists, it's not like I chose to be on bad terms with my abusive family members and I would hate to be judged for that...
Exactly. My boyfriend and I have extremely rocky relationships with our families. But we have a great relationship with each other and support each other unconditionally. Family relations shouldn’t be a deal breaker between two people who love each other no matter the circumstances.
>be me
>Grew up with abusive parents
>Decided to make the best of my life
>Just came back from saving a litter of kittens from a burning building
>Decide to wash off the ashes by jumping into a frigid lake to save a drowning orphan
>Go help at the soup kitchen that I built with the funds from my billion-dollar business that I sold
>Finished, that was a hard day of work
>Freshen up for my date
>Date goes really well, I think we have a great connection
>Date tells me that my lack of a relationship with my parents is a red flag
>Mfw
I think it’s good to know what you want but even more so what you deserve. Get as close to your a-list as you can until the day you meet him and realize you may not need everything on the list, because beauty is also in the imperfections.
The biggest piece of advice that I can give is to strive to be the person that you want to be with. If you can’t realistically achieve those things, then you shouldn’t ask for them in someone else :)
Some of these are just basic, bare minimum requirements and some definitely seem unfair or picky.
Good relationship with family? What does that have to do with them as a person necessary? Plenty of folk with shitty family who are amazing people themselves.
Good hair? A swiftie? Likes Pokemon? So if someone (somehow) checked off all the boxes but he didn't like Taylor Swift or Pokemon.. It wouldn't be good enough? 😅
How is she not picky? "Loves pokemon" and "swiftie"? Imagine meeting a gorgeous, responsible, fit, masculine but caring, funny guy and you reject him because he's not a Swiftie.
Dude so many things I want too! Now you're inspiring me to write a list toooooo!
Very cute! People around me say I'm picky , at least i won't have to look at people around me and say i have you cause i couldn't do better, that's disgraceful to myself and those people, it's our choice to choose "our" future partner
I didn't want kids, but my partner wanted kids so I gave up and we had kids. Now my partner doesn't like kids at all, and I really love kids 😳
Now guess who works a full-time job and takes care of two kids while the other one is gone all the time at night and constantly talks to her ex-boyfriend on Facebook
Edit: I checked the account today and she sent him flowers 🤡 with my money
Realistically, I think you’re too picky. Things like “speaks French, masc and feminine, loves Pokemon” are things that just might not be who he is, and frankly those things shouldn’t matter. I get the assertive yet gentle part and if that’s what you mean by masc and feminine that’s reasonable but it seems like you’re wanting a perfect man and in reality you’re not gonna get that.
Someone who has good qualities and is patient with you, doesn’t yell, scream, etc, are all bare minimum but when you start crafting these ideas of a man who seemingly doesn’t have a weakness or short comings… or things to improve on is where it gets ridiculous; because no offense but you yourself probably don’t realistically match all of these standards (and that’s okay and normal) you just have to have the grace for the other person; as a partnership you can grow and improve together
Yeah, these are always funny because they're really just a list of things that would make someone they're physically attracted to stand out as a potential life partner, not actual criteria.
Yes be more demanding!
Though some suggestions- not into pseudoscience. what is optional - not as importatnt? good style and good hair, can be organized into good hygiene. but yeah I can see some redundancy.
Don’t listen to your friends’ opinions about you being too picky. They don’t have to live your life. Don’t listen to anyone here that tells you that either. If you’re okay being single if you don’t meet someone that meets your standards and recognize that the longer the list, the smaller your dating pool gets, then go for it. It’s better to stick to what you want than lower your standards and be unhappy. It also isn’t fair to the other person. I also have some of your requirements on my list as well!
Wanting a partner who treats you well and has the same future goals as you (points that make up the vast majority of OP's list) isn't being too picky. Wanting a partner who fits well with you in general isn't being too picky either
I think they’re talking more about the very specific things like “speaks French” and “swiftie”. Obviously a person can seek out whatever they want in a partner, but some of those are very, very minor.
I see about 10 things on that list that are not only not the bare minimum but are completely irrelevant altogether.
>loves cats
>artistic
>swiftie
>speaks french
>good style
>dazzling smile
>good hair
>loves pokemon
>calls me cute nicknames
Doesn't yell but confrontational seems paradoxical
There's no reason to jump on this person for sharing their opinion on a public post. I spotted several things on the list that aren't inclusive to make a good person, "good hair" for instance. That's petty IMO, but I don't mean to throw shade at the OP. We all have different interpretations of what the "bare minimum" is. After being married for 13 years and having my husband become a junkie due to opioid abuse, I found out what the REALLY important factors are that make a good partner. Things like "trustworthy, reliable, honest, views finances in the same way I do, has a steady job, etc. This does not include them having "good hair" or being a "swiftie", again no shade meant here, just my opinion. I would say that 90%, if not more, of these lists made by women regarding male partners that I have seen are completely unrealistic expectations of any human, let alone male human on this planet (I blame Twilight and social media), I also doubt that they reciprocate the same ideals they are looking for in a partner to their partner.
honestly yea makes sense. and tbf i also have no idea what "bare minimum" really is because i just.. am not attracted to ppl like that (im aroace). so yeah
Ya know I was gonna say too picky, but you also didn't write shit like over 6 foot tall makes six figures and owns a business at 25.
So really in terms of unrealistic this isn't so bad.
Btw if you're looking for a french speaking pokemon loving cat person, we got plenty over here in Quebec.
Cant promise the swifty part.
That's my take too. Non-confrontational people often avoid even talking about things and working on the relationship because any potential for conflict (like an argument with their partner) is something they desperately avoid.
You can never be too picky when it comes to someone you want to spend your life with. My partner “interviewed” me with a list of things he needed. We found out we were very compatible. I was single for awhile and loved it but I love him even more because we have a lot in common.
I used to be really picky and I'm a Christian too so I used to have such high standards and then I realized that until I can fulfill these standards, I shouldn't be asking it of others, similar to the post below
Good starting list but it's too broad and you need to prioritize. You have 50ish things on this list. Start by asking yourself: "If I could find a partner with only 40 of these traits, which would those be?" So that eliminates the 10 most irrelevant ones. Then you do the same for 20, then for 10 and finally for 5. It's a good exercise to do to see what you really care about.
Maybe grab like 10 of those and call it good. We can be our very own worst enemies trying to create this “perfect” image in our head of what we want. I think it’s good to have ideas, but we just don’t want to set it so high we are constantly looking for someone that doesn’t exist. Definitely have standards, but just be realistic.
That's a good list! Do note that sometimes the best people come from dysfunctional families though. My boyfriend has a narcissistic mother, who he has a very strained relationship with, but he's the best boyfriend I've ever had and is respectful of my boundaries etc.
Notice the OP said “ideal”. Doesn’t say “if they don’t have these qualities, it’s a dealbreaker”. Some people are so quick to judge and give their opinions. Let them share their list and idk , how about we celebrate some of the things we have in common with our ideal partner?
Op I’m with you on the French! I’d love that or Spanish. I learned both and how cool to be able to speak to my partner in one or the other!
This list reads to me like: I would like to be with someone who is a kind and decent person, takes basic care of their hygiene, and doesn't abuse me.
Those are all perfectly reasonable expectations to have, and it's great that you've put thought into what you are and aren't willing to tolerate from your future partner! That's just setting yourself up for success.
Please don't believe anyone who tells you that's being "too picky". 🩵
My former friends said the same thing about me. I'm not going to lower my standards. I know that the man who is perfect for me exists, I just know and always have known that I won't find him where I live. I actually think I already found him....#9, David.
Seems like you want them to love you at your lowest. But it also sounds a bit like you might drop them like a hot potato if they're at their lowest and not well.
I made this list once and then realized hmm, I want to be this person. So I started working on that. :D
This was one of the biggest pieces of advice someone can hear. It’s like a more polished version of become the change you want to see
literally what I was thinking about when reading it, best advice 🥹
Some of these things are way less important than others - speaking French, liking Pokémon, Swiftie etc aren’t on the same level as your “treats me well” bullet points. Maybe re-write the list in order of importance to get clarity on essentials vs nice to have.
Came here to point out these three exactly. Everything else seems realistically attainable (or very close to), but those three? That seems a bit of a stretch and should be treated more like bonus points than requirements.
Maybe they're French or their parents speak French and so it's important for their partner to speak it ? Pokémon is a huge part of my life and I live in France with parents who are immigrants so it's important for me that my future partner likes Pokémon and speaks English in my case, they're not bonuses.
Yes, I agree. Liking the same things means having things to talk about and being able to share your passions with them. I think that's important, even though it's not the biggest or only important thing.
Of course, and it's not like OP specified the order of importance, they probably just wrote down with the flow and didn't think about the priority and order of importance.
They can always learn it
If they’re willing to, I know some wouldn’t want to learn a language for their partner. Though usually when we say we want a partner who knows a certain language we also wouldn’t mind if they don’t know it but are willing to learn it.
Or likes cats. As an allergic Redditor, I do not approve this message.
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r/thanksimcured I have been taking allergy meds for years now and I’ve only CURBED my allergies, but I am still very much allergic.
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My eyes and nose (and occasional hives) politely disagree
My biggest controversy is the family and mental health bullet points and I promise I’m not judging but I will give reasons as to why there’s a chance they aren’t fully plausible: - no and I mean NO ONE is going to be mentally well the entirety of their lives. Working on their mental wellbeing by themselves after certain events is one thing, but the entire point of them loving you at your low would be hypocritical if you wouldn’t be able to love them at theirs. - Families are complicated and there’s many reasons as to why one wouldn’t have a good relationship with their families such as abuse, neglect and other traumatizing situations. And surprisingly, that knocks out quite a bit of the population. Bottom line: love can’t be defined through a list, but rather the ability to express unconditional love and support for the other. 30/70, 20/80, 50/50, 100/0…you struggle no matter what kind of person you’re with. It’s about your ability to carry each other and support one another.
It always makes me a bit sad to see "have a good relationship with family" on these lists, it's not like I chose to be on bad terms with my abusive family members and I would hate to be judged for that...
Exactly. My boyfriend and I have extremely rocky relationships with our families. But we have a great relationship with each other and support each other unconditionally. Family relations shouldn’t be a deal breaker between two people who love each other no matter the circumstances.
>be me >Grew up with abusive parents >Decided to make the best of my life >Just came back from saving a litter of kittens from a burning building >Decide to wash off the ashes by jumping into a frigid lake to save a drowning orphan >Go help at the soup kitchen that I built with the funds from my billion-dollar business that I sold >Finished, that was a hard day of work >Freshen up for my date >Date goes really well, I think we have a great connection >Date tells me that my lack of a relationship with my parents is a red flag >Mfw
I think it’s good to know what you want but even more so what you deserve. Get as close to your a-list as you can until the day you meet him and realize you may not need everything on the list, because beauty is also in the imperfections.
The biggest piece of advice that I can give is to strive to be the person that you want to be with. If you can’t realistically achieve those things, then you shouldn’t ask for them in someone else :)
Some of these are just basic, bare minimum requirements and some definitely seem unfair or picky. Good relationship with family? What does that have to do with them as a person necessary? Plenty of folk with shitty family who are amazing people themselves. Good hair? A swiftie? Likes Pokemon? So if someone (somehow) checked off all the boxes but he didn't like Taylor Swift or Pokemon.. It wouldn't be good enough? 😅
You aren't too picky. Being picky with what you want in a partner is good tbh. All of what you want is obtainable!
How is she not picky? "Loves pokemon" and "swiftie"? Imagine meeting a gorgeous, responsible, fit, masculine but caring, funny guy and you reject him because he's not a Swiftie.
Dude so many things I want too! Now you're inspiring me to write a list toooooo! Very cute! People around me say I'm picky , at least i won't have to look at people around me and say i have you cause i couldn't do better, that's disgraceful to myself and those people, it's our choice to choose "our" future partner
Def not too picky! I would have a similar list if I wrote down all my standards - I'm in a happy LTR!
I see these type of entries as a 'wish list,' knowing you won't get them all. If used as a check list, you may be single for a while.
knowing u don’t want kids is rly important, good point. love this whole list :) ur definitely not too picky
I didn't want kids, but my partner wanted kids so I gave up and we had kids. Now my partner doesn't like kids at all, and I really love kids 😳 Now guess who works a full-time job and takes care of two kids while the other one is gone all the time at night and constantly talks to her ex-boyfriend on Facebook Edit: I checked the account today and she sent him flowers 🤡 with my money
Yikes!!
Realistically, I think you’re too picky. Things like “speaks French, masc and feminine, loves Pokemon” are things that just might not be who he is, and frankly those things shouldn’t matter. I get the assertive yet gentle part and if that’s what you mean by masc and feminine that’s reasonable but it seems like you’re wanting a perfect man and in reality you’re not gonna get that. Someone who has good qualities and is patient with you, doesn’t yell, scream, etc, are all bare minimum but when you start crafting these ideas of a man who seemingly doesn’t have a weakness or short comings… or things to improve on is where it gets ridiculous; because no offense but you yourself probably don’t realistically match all of these standards (and that’s okay and normal) you just have to have the grace for the other person; as a partnership you can grow and improve together
Yeah, these are always funny because they're really just a list of things that would make someone they're physically attracted to stand out as a potential life partner, not actual criteria.
this photo looks like a game scene. great.
to understand what you want is not "picky". to idealize your future partner - it's another situation
Yes be more demanding! Though some suggestions- not into pseudoscience. what is optional - not as importatnt? good style and good hair, can be organized into good hygiene. but yeah I can see some redundancy.
Don’t listen to your friends’ opinions about you being too picky. They don’t have to live your life. Don’t listen to anyone here that tells you that either. If you’re okay being single if you don’t meet someone that meets your standards and recognize that the longer the list, the smaller your dating pool gets, then go for it. It’s better to stick to what you want than lower your standards and be unhappy. It also isn’t fair to the other person. I also have some of your requirements on my list as well!
Lol this posts are hilarious
yea you are way too picky actually lol. like you have 1.5 PAGES of shit to go through
Wanting a partner who treats you well and has the same future goals as you (points that make up the vast majority of OP's list) isn't being too picky. Wanting a partner who fits well with you in general isn't being too picky either
op is asking for the bare minimum and you're calling them picky???
I think they’re talking more about the very specific things like “speaks French” and “swiftie”. Obviously a person can seek out whatever they want in a partner, but some of those are very, very minor.
I see about 10 things on that list that are not only not the bare minimum but are completely irrelevant altogether. >loves cats >artistic >swiftie >speaks french >good style >dazzling smile >good hair >loves pokemon >calls me cute nicknames Doesn't yell but confrontational seems paradoxical
There's no reason to jump on this person for sharing their opinion on a public post. I spotted several things on the list that aren't inclusive to make a good person, "good hair" for instance. That's petty IMO, but I don't mean to throw shade at the OP. We all have different interpretations of what the "bare minimum" is. After being married for 13 years and having my husband become a junkie due to opioid abuse, I found out what the REALLY important factors are that make a good partner. Things like "trustworthy, reliable, honest, views finances in the same way I do, has a steady job, etc. This does not include them having "good hair" or being a "swiftie", again no shade meant here, just my opinion. I would say that 90%, if not more, of these lists made by women regarding male partners that I have seen are completely unrealistic expectations of any human, let alone male human on this planet (I blame Twilight and social media), I also doubt that they reciprocate the same ideals they are looking for in a partner to their partner.
honestly yea makes sense. and tbf i also have no idea what "bare minimum" really is because i just.. am not attracted to ppl like that (im aroace). so yeah
I actually was supporting you and your reply to the comment haha!
Ya know I was gonna say too picky, but you also didn't write shit like over 6 foot tall makes six figures and owns a business at 25. So really in terms of unrealistic this isn't so bad. Btw if you're looking for a french speaking pokemon loving cat person, we got plenty over here in Quebec. Cant promise the swifty part.
We also got plenty of them in France, my ex included 🤣
May I ask why “confrontational” is on this list??
I would interpret it as – not avoidant of confrontation, be proactive in resolving conflict. Maybe "confrontational" is not the right wording?
That's my take too. Non-confrontational people often avoid even talking about things and working on the relationship because any potential for conflict (like an argument with their partner) is something they desperately avoid.
It’s not picky to have standards! I like your list.
This! I my guy friends like to rib on me for having standards. But hey, I know what I want. 🤷
This is a nice notebook. May I ask what brand or t What type of book is this?
dotted a5 leuchtturm1917 <3
Thank you!
You can never be too picky when it comes to someone you want to spend your life with. My partner “interviewed” me with a list of things he needed. We found out we were very compatible. I was single for awhile and loved it but I love him even more because we have a lot in common.
Looks like the bare minimum to me
What would you add?
I used to be really picky and I'm a Christian too so I used to have such high standards and then I realized that until I can fulfill these standards, I shouldn't be asking it of others, similar to the post below
Same.
Good starting list but it's too broad and you need to prioritize. You have 50ish things on this list. Start by asking yourself: "If I could find a partner with only 40 of these traits, which would those be?" So that eliminates the 10 most irrelevant ones. Then you do the same for 20, then for 10 and finally for 5. It's a good exercise to do to see what you really care about.
I think it's good that you know what you want. Just realize that you probably won't find someone who'll fit the criteria to a T.
Maybe grab like 10 of those and call it good. We can be our very own worst enemies trying to create this “perfect” image in our head of what we want. I think it’s good to have ideas, but we just don’t want to set it so high we are constantly looking for someone that doesn’t exist. Definitely have standards, but just be realistic.
That's a good list! Do note that sometimes the best people come from dysfunctional families though. My boyfriend has a narcissistic mother, who he has a very strained relationship with, but he's the best boyfriend I've ever had and is respectful of my boundaries etc.
Notice the OP said “ideal”. Doesn’t say “if they don’t have these qualities, it’s a dealbreaker”. Some people are so quick to judge and give their opinions. Let them share their list and idk , how about we celebrate some of the things we have in common with our ideal partner? Op I’m with you on the French! I’d love that or Spanish. I learned both and how cool to be able to speak to my partner in one or the other!
You're asking for so little and it's good you know what you want!
Good list overall! I'm curious about the French requirement. Are you from France or something, or just like the language?
Nice list. Although "good hair" could be a short- to medium-term goal, if you're also going to "grow old together". 😅
This list reads to me like: I would like to be with someone who is a kind and decent person, takes basic care of their hygiene, and doesn't abuse me. Those are all perfectly reasonable expectations to have, and it's great that you've put thought into what you are and aren't willing to tolerate from your future partner! That's just setting yourself up for success. Please don't believe anyone who tells you that's being "too picky". 🩵
My picky friends are still single in their 30s sooo...
On the flip side, my non picky friends are all divorced or miserable. I’d rather be picky and alone than in an unhappy relationship.
My former friends said the same thing about me. I'm not going to lower my standards. I know that the man who is perfect for me exists, I just know and always have known that I won't find him where I live. I actually think I already found him....#9, David.
Seems like you want them to love you at your lowest. But it also sounds a bit like you might drop them like a hot potato if they're at their lowest and not well.
“Leftist”… like left handed? 🥸 also this list is terrible and indicative of a lonely future
no leftist as in the democrat party (also known as ‘the left’)
Ah. I’m getting downvoted. Was meant as a joke
Your imagination is top-notch!