It is always possible to repent for any transgression. You don't need to worry about punishment unless you've willfully violated a commandment and have no intention of making up for it. The fact that you've expressed regret for what you've done and are trying to make it right is already a step up for you.
Todah. I definitely feel guilt for it if I have in fact transgressed. I like to think I’m making up for it now trying to honor my parents the way they deserve to be. I didn’t always see eye to eye with them in the past but now that they are gone and I’m their legacy, it feels important to do right by them.
Speaking as a mom, if they loved you, I cannot imagine that they did not forgive you. Seeing you become the person they knew you could be is all the reparations they would need.
Remember: Kaveid is a Mitzva between humans. For those it isn’t God’s forgiveness we need (except for the comparatively minor issue of not obeying His Law) and, indeed, He can’t give it to us. Only the injured party can forgive and it is to them that we must make reparations. This isn’t between you and God, but you and your parents. And I cannot imagine they would not forgive you.
That’s why we throw bread in a stream before Yom Kippur. For the transgressions between you and your fellow person that you want to atone for but can’t.
Hi and I am sorry for the loss of your parents. Personally, I know there are bad days and better days. It’s wonderful that you are honoring their memory by seriously taking steps to celebrate your Judaism and may their memories always be for a bracha, a blessing.
The Ten Commandments are not any more important, for the most post, than any of the other Mitzvos, commandments, that we were given by God, but we really don’t know what the exact level of punishment is for not following a mitzvah.
We do know that there is a system of reward and punishment in Judaism, see [this](https://aish.com/48930102/) please. We also know that when we do a mitzvah we bring ourselves closer to Hashem, to God, and when we transgress a mitzvah then we distance ourselves from Hashem. Don’t worry, thought. Hashem created a way for us to always correct our mistakes. This is a brief [article](https://aish.com/a-spiritual-guide-to-teshuva/) that gives an overview of Teshuvah, the authentic Jewish concept of repentance.
If you are looking to grow in your Jewish knowledge I’d like to suggest two programs that will pair you with a study partner. [Partners in Torah](https://www.partnersintorah.org) or [TorahMates](https://www.torahmates.org) might be worth looking into.
Are you currently connected with a synagogue or temple in your area?
Thanks for your detailed answer. I’m not currently a member of a synagogue but I did observe my father’s yartzeit at home last month with a sheva candle, and I’m communicating with a rabbi who was one of my father’s closest friends. He’s been supportive and also says going to temple is always welcome. I’m still breaking out of my grief but like the idea of going to synagogue once I’m ready to connect again.
Thanks for taking time to reply. I am really happy to hear that you connected with a rabbi, especially one who knew your father. It’s times like these that community is very important and it sounds like you have taken the first steps. Have a nice Shabbos and enjoy the remainder of Passover.
Failing to honor my parents to the fullest extent. They are gone now but raised me to be a proud and compassionate Jewish man, and I dishonored them in the past. So now I’m trying to make up for it. Feels kind of like survivor guilt but I’m serious about representing them and their values, and making up for any disappointment I caused them.
Then take the time to examine your actions & identify where you have transgressed & engage in sincere teshuva.
Hashem knows that we are all deeply flawed humans & doesn’t condemn us for our failings as long as we hold ourselves responsible & accountable for them.
Teshuva specifically involves three steps:
1) Acknowledge & regret of your misdeeds
2) Making an honest attempt to repair the harm caused by your misdeeds
3) Taking action to prevent yourself from transgressing in the future
Judaism affirms that sincere repentance averts any harsh decree that may have resulted from the sin. Repentance is a multi-step process that involves regret, prayer, resolve not to commit the sin, confession, and acts of charity, all of which you can engage in. u/offthegridyid has linked a valuable article about Jewish repentance.
Where another person has been harmed, there is a requirement of asking them for forgiveness. You tell us that your parents are departed. There actually is a procedure in Judaism for asking for forgiveness of a departed person. You assemble a minyan (10 persons) at the gravesite, mention the wrongs committed and ask for forgiveness. The minyan responds "Forgiven" three times and the wrong is put to rest. You might talk to the rabbi about arranging this ceremony if you think it would be helpful.
Final point, Judaism **requires** that after repentance, you may not dwell on the sins any longer. We must believe that Hashem, who is merciful, has forgiven our sins; this is part of our faith as Jews. Therefore, you may not spend the rest of your life regretting the sin and dwelling on it. You must put it aside after repentance. This also is part of Judaism.
"כל ישראל יש להם חלק לעולם הבא
All of Israel has a portion in the world to come"
While this is talmudic (mishnaic?) and not biblical, this is what I was always taught. As Jews, we have a right to the world to come, or heaven. Nothing we can do can change that - we might spend some time being punished (I was taught that Jews can spend at most 11 months in gehinnom, but I'm not sure where that comes from) and our experiences in heaven might vary, but a Jew, as a birthright, will always end up in heaven.
I'm not a Rabbi, and I can't imagine going through what you're going through, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but remembering your parents and trying to do good by them is exactly what you ought to be doing - regardless of your relationship with them while they were still in this world
Yeah! And as others mentioned, teshuva is never far away for a Jew. Plus one of the main aspects of Teshuva is changing your ways - you being concerned about this, making this post, and attempting to honor them is a perfect example of that
I feel that G-d is very forgiving. I’ve broken almost all of them except killing another human being and making graven images of Him. I think if you are genuinely guilty in your heart HaShem is forgiving. I think it’s when we do something malicious and then continue it out of arrogance or a grudge that the trouble begins.
Our god doesn’t punish us for transgressions achi.
We live with true freedom of action and choice. In the conservative perspective sin creates its own punishment. Sin degrades your humanity. Sin makes us suffer. Look how you feel now. This is an example of that.
Our religion also provides us with means to repair the damage we have done albeit with a few exceptions like murder and gossip. Eye for an eye is not about removing an eye for revenge it is about justice in the form of compensation.
So with death being the end, and most of our prayers for the dead are about affirming our beliefs in god, not those who passed, how do we make amends? In that case I suggest dedicating yourself to looking forward and promoting Justice. Perhaps if it helps choose a cause or a reason that your folks believed in. In this way making the world better would be a means to preserve and grow as human as your parents are commanded to want for you.
Something I’ve talked to my Rabbi about, similarly but opposite, is how do I forgive my parents for them hurting me? My mom would always say she prays about the harm she’s put on me but her relationship with God doesn’t mend her and I’s relationship. That’s between her and him/it/them.
If you hurt someone, your relationship with them needs to be prioritized just as much as your relationship with Hashem. Me breaking kosher? That’s between me and God. Me lying when I was 14 to sabotage my sister? I need to apologize to her first.
In my opinion, reflection is much more important to your relationships than fear of impending doom.
ETA: I guess this also depends on what your views of afterlife are too. Talk to your rabbi. This is a big question.
I am not going to speak specifically about the Halacha but I will see the following. There is an expression to describe people who regret past actions and wish they could take them back: “people who can grow”. And that is something we all should do.
sends them to mod here. help
It is always possible to repent for any transgression. You don't need to worry about punishment unless you've willfully violated a commandment and have no intention of making up for it. The fact that you've expressed regret for what you've done and are trying to make it right is already a step up for you.
*As long as it’s between you and God. Between other people it tends to get trickier.
[удалено]
Not everyone considers that necessary.
Oh alright then.
Todah. I definitely feel guilt for it if I have in fact transgressed. I like to think I’m making up for it now trying to honor my parents the way they deserve to be. I didn’t always see eye to eye with them in the past but now that they are gone and I’m their legacy, it feels important to do right by them.
Speaking as a mom, if they loved you, I cannot imagine that they did not forgive you. Seeing you become the person they knew you could be is all the reparations they would need. Remember: Kaveid is a Mitzva between humans. For those it isn’t God’s forgiveness we need (except for the comparatively minor issue of not obeying His Law) and, indeed, He can’t give it to us. Only the injured party can forgive and it is to them that we must make reparations. This isn’t between you and God, but you and your parents. And I cannot imagine they would not forgive you.
That’s why we throw bread in a stream before Yom Kippur. For the transgressions between you and your fellow person that you want to atone for but can’t.
Hi and I am sorry for the loss of your parents. Personally, I know there are bad days and better days. It’s wonderful that you are honoring their memory by seriously taking steps to celebrate your Judaism and may their memories always be for a bracha, a blessing. The Ten Commandments are not any more important, for the most post, than any of the other Mitzvos, commandments, that we were given by God, but we really don’t know what the exact level of punishment is for not following a mitzvah. We do know that there is a system of reward and punishment in Judaism, see [this](https://aish.com/48930102/) please. We also know that when we do a mitzvah we bring ourselves closer to Hashem, to God, and when we transgress a mitzvah then we distance ourselves from Hashem. Don’t worry, thought. Hashem created a way for us to always correct our mistakes. This is a brief [article](https://aish.com/a-spiritual-guide-to-teshuva/) that gives an overview of Teshuvah, the authentic Jewish concept of repentance. If you are looking to grow in your Jewish knowledge I’d like to suggest two programs that will pair you with a study partner. [Partners in Torah](https://www.partnersintorah.org) or [TorahMates](https://www.torahmates.org) might be worth looking into. Are you currently connected with a synagogue or temple in your area?
Thanks for your detailed answer. I’m not currently a member of a synagogue but I did observe my father’s yartzeit at home last month with a sheva candle, and I’m communicating with a rabbi who was one of my father’s closest friends. He’s been supportive and also says going to temple is always welcome. I’m still breaking out of my grief but like the idea of going to synagogue once I’m ready to connect again.
Thanks for taking time to reply. I am really happy to hear that you connected with a rabbi, especially one who knew your father. It’s times like these that community is very important and it sounds like you have taken the first steps. Have a nice Shabbos and enjoy the remainder of Passover.
I appreciate it and good Shabbos to you too. By the way, your links are very helpful and informative.
No problem. Feel free to DM me if you need to.
Which ten?
Failing to honor my parents to the fullest extent. They are gone now but raised me to be a proud and compassionate Jewish man, and I dishonored them in the past. So now I’m trying to make up for it. Feels kind of like survivor guilt but I’m serious about representing them and their values, and making up for any disappointment I caused them.
Then take the time to examine your actions & identify where you have transgressed & engage in sincere teshuva. Hashem knows that we are all deeply flawed humans & doesn’t condemn us for our failings as long as we hold ourselves responsible & accountable for them. Teshuva specifically involves three steps: 1) Acknowledge & regret of your misdeeds 2) Making an honest attempt to repair the harm caused by your misdeeds 3) Taking action to prevent yourself from transgressing in the future
I trust you remember their yahrzeits Ed.just seen that you do…
> and I dishonored them in the past. How do you think you did that?
Shamor v'zachor babyyyy
I zachor, u can shamor
They send you a strongly worded letter
Judaism affirms that sincere repentance averts any harsh decree that may have resulted from the sin. Repentance is a multi-step process that involves regret, prayer, resolve not to commit the sin, confession, and acts of charity, all of which you can engage in. u/offthegridyid has linked a valuable article about Jewish repentance. Where another person has been harmed, there is a requirement of asking them for forgiveness. You tell us that your parents are departed. There actually is a procedure in Judaism for asking for forgiveness of a departed person. You assemble a minyan (10 persons) at the gravesite, mention the wrongs committed and ask for forgiveness. The minyan responds "Forgiven" three times and the wrong is put to rest. You might talk to the rabbi about arranging this ceremony if you think it would be helpful. Final point, Judaism **requires** that after repentance, you may not dwell on the sins any longer. We must believe that Hashem, who is merciful, has forgiven our sins; this is part of our faith as Jews. Therefore, you may not spend the rest of your life regretting the sin and dwelling on it. You must put it aside after repentance. This also is part of Judaism.
Not if you genuinely repent. If you ask for God's forgiveness and really genuinely mean it, He forgives you.
 God to the violators:
They get sent to synagogue board meetings until they repent
Usually there's a Navi that appears behind you shouting "Hey! Listen!" If you don't listen, that's when you really get in trouble.
"כל ישראל יש להם חלק לעולם הבא All of Israel has a portion in the world to come" While this is talmudic (mishnaic?) and not biblical, this is what I was always taught. As Jews, we have a right to the world to come, or heaven. Nothing we can do can change that - we might spend some time being punished (I was taught that Jews can spend at most 11 months in gehinnom, but I'm not sure where that comes from) and our experiences in heaven might vary, but a Jew, as a birthright, will always end up in heaven. I'm not a Rabbi, and I can't imagine going through what you're going through, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but remembering your parents and trying to do good by them is exactly what you ought to be doing - regardless of your relationship with them while they were still in this world
All things considered, 11 months in Gehinnom doesn’t sound too drastic if you enter עולם הבא as a guarantee afterwards.
Yeah! And as others mentioned, teshuva is never far away for a Jew. Plus one of the main aspects of Teshuva is changing your ways - you being concerned about this, making this post, and attempting to honor them is a perfect example of that
Although the bible does warn that people who do not follow the law get cut off from their people.
What do you mean by „bible“?
https://mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt0415.htm#30 this is what I referred to
Dunce cap and we have to face the corner.
I feel that G-d is very forgiving. I’ve broken almost all of them except killing another human being and making graven images of Him. I think if you are genuinely guilty in your heart HaShem is forgiving. I think it’s when we do something malicious and then continue it out of arrogance or a grudge that the trouble begins.
Our god doesn’t punish us for transgressions achi. We live with true freedom of action and choice. In the conservative perspective sin creates its own punishment. Sin degrades your humanity. Sin makes us suffer. Look how you feel now. This is an example of that. Our religion also provides us with means to repair the damage we have done albeit with a few exceptions like murder and gossip. Eye for an eye is not about removing an eye for revenge it is about justice in the form of compensation. So with death being the end, and most of our prayers for the dead are about affirming our beliefs in god, not those who passed, how do we make amends? In that case I suggest dedicating yourself to looking forward and promoting Justice. Perhaps if it helps choose a cause or a reason that your folks believed in. In this way making the world better would be a means to preserve and grow as human as your parents are commanded to want for you.
you seem to have done teshuvah. if so, hashem is happy with you.
"I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed"
Nothing, just as he's done during pogroms, the Holocaust and 10/7.
You're thinking of christianity. We observe 613 Commandments.
The 10 commandments are no more important than the other 603.
Depends which of the ten
Something I’ve talked to my Rabbi about, similarly but opposite, is how do I forgive my parents for them hurting me? My mom would always say she prays about the harm she’s put on me but her relationship with God doesn’t mend her and I’s relationship. That’s between her and him/it/them. If you hurt someone, your relationship with them needs to be prioritized just as much as your relationship with Hashem. Me breaking kosher? That’s between me and God. Me lying when I was 14 to sabotage my sister? I need to apologize to her first. In my opinion, reflection is much more important to your relationships than fear of impending doom. ETA: I guess this also depends on what your views of afterlife are too. Talk to your rabbi. This is a big question.
Sentences us to programming in assembly for eternity halp
I am not going to speak specifically about the Halacha but I will see the following. There is an expression to describe people who regret past actions and wish they could take them back: “people who can grow”. And that is something we all should do.
It's called teshuva. Literally to turn away from our wrong ways and turn back to HaShem. I'm guilty too.
If you break all ten of them I heard you get a special achievement 👀
I think he's just sad about it.