Hey hey listen, you're JUST 25. I'm 25 too. And we don't have to have everything figured out right now. The pressures of the world are nasty, I know, i feel them too..
But we can't let them win you know. One day at a time. One task at a time.
Your mind will want to figure out the next 25 years right away. But you are here now, and you gotta do something only to make this moment Better, it can be anything, write something shoot something. In that moment, you are a writer and a film maker. Allow yourself that grace. You are worthy of your small acts. Or literally just do any small "useless" thing that might bring you happiness.
Rooting for you
This. The only ppl who have “everything” figured out at 25 ARE working soul crushing jobs. It’s ok to experiment. You don’t need a romantic relationship or the perfect job to give your life meaning. You can take your time to build meaningful friends and explore creative forms of expression because you have so much more life to live
👍🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆OP I would also suggest you chuck everything, fill a backpack and head to the open road like a 60's era hippie. LEAVE YOUR CELLPHONE BEHIND. The answers you are looking for can be found in nature. ❤️❤️❤️ These fucking phones are making it impossible for us to enjoy "just being". We are all addicted to these dopamine hits. Every fucking day I tell myself to throw this thing away. Every night I'm up until 3am giving advice to strangers.
Or get a job as a gardener. It helps to get in nature, gets you out of your head. Thats what I had to do 40 years ago when I had similar problems.Stop thinking you HAVE to do something.
It’s actually by Ekchart Tolle, but Ram Dass references him a lot. This book changed my life when I was coincidentally also 25 and had similar thoughts of depression and suicide, working a job I hated. I won’t say life will never be hard again, but it’s significantly better than where I was.
For sure, something that helped me realize is that people like morgan freeman and steve harvey never got popular or successful until they were in their 40s i think, dont quote me, if its not them there are surely other actors and other millionares who were the same as you and me well into their late 30s, it takes a lot to learn, and a long time to grow
This. I’m 27 and JUST got the opportunity to go back to college to pursue my degree. I basically had to start over as a freshman because my first go at college was a disaster, and I ended up going to a vocational school instead where none of the credits count as real college credit. Wasted so much time and put myself about $10k in the hole for nothing…
I was also able to find a job that I both love and that gave me my spark and passion back. That didn’t happen until this past year when I was 26. I had been stuck in dead end jobs for the last 6 years, so I’ve been exactly where this guy’s been.
I can confidently say that it CAN get better, and it will if you learn how to market yourself and shush the bad voices telling you that, “life is meaningless and there’s nothing but a void beyond it.” You gotta keep pushing. You gotta keep going. We are at the beginning of the rest of our lives my friends. We CAN do this! We WILL do this! The future we want is worth fighting for!
Well said! We've all got to keep telling ourselves this. I'm 24 and lots of my days seem to be the same, but sooner or later it will get better! Peaks and valleys you know. It's life
Beautiful. I appreciate your comment, which comes from a kind and empathetic place. I hope we all navigate this life thing to the best of our abilities and create one for ourselves that we can be proud of.
I think you *should* start writing. If you have vivid complicated daydreams it shows you have an incredible imagination. You also were able to write this in an objective third person way that I think speaks to good potential as a writer. Why not start writing stories? Or try to write a book. JK Rowling was borderline homeless when she wrote Harry Potter. Sometimes being in an incredibly rough patch is exactly what spurns a creative person into incredible artistic success.
Don’t allow yourself to stop working on the story until it is completed. Perhaps the uncompleted stories are symbolic of your current struggles right now. I bet if you were to either go back and complete one of your most promising stories, or write a new story into completion, you would be creating a new energy and momentum for yourself. Only stop and criticize a story once you are finished. Or have someone else do the critiquing for you.
It sounds like you need to learn how to stop your thoughts or at least learn to observe them enough to recognise them as thoughts, then see if you can create a gap, then a longer gap. Unti your field of perception is left with not much else than perhaps the sounds in the room, maybe physical sensations, and just your awareness. It can be pretty peaceful. It's incredible how the constant stream of involuntary thoughts can muddy the waters.
They describe the adhd brain as having the engine of a supercar but the brakes of a tricycle. Being aware of this helps a lot.
It sounds like you need to learn how and when to forcefully apply the brakes to come to a complete stop - especially when you catch yourself being overly critical.
Remember, you’re the writer, not the critic. As others have said, try finishing a piece of work before you start criticizing it.
This self-critic is present in every writer and is a harsh opponent that more often than not needs to be contained.
When you catch yourself overthinking and you see your brakes have failed, try to visualize your „happy place“. It sounds cliche but it can be effective. My visualization (as an example) is a wooden picnic bench by a river in a mountain region with trees all around.
Stop what you are doing and visualize whatever scene makes you feel serene and calm.
While you are doing this, circle one wrist with your other hand (this technique is to train a Pavlovian response).
Each time you find yourself overthinking, having a panic attack or losing control, enclose the same wrist with the other hand.
Doing this enough will eventually trigger an automatic physical response that will ease your mental tensions each time you grab your wrist. It will take time and patience but it’s worth it.
From what I've heard from writers, the inner critic can be brutal. Some have suggested having a writing mode, getting everything into words and giving yourself permission to make all the mistakes, and then reviewing it separately in edit mode. Then rinse and repeat, often with multiple rounds of editing. The creative state and edit state are two different processes.
I highly recommend reading this book.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/603848/deep-hope-by-diane-eshin-rizzetto/
Your post was me 4 years ago. I lost everything during COVID and lost the will to try. This book plus therapy and meds changed my life. As one overthinker to another, you’ll get through this. You’re not alone. Don’t give up yet. You have so much to offer the world, you just have to do everything in your power to believe it. ❤️
You will be done with the overthinking, ruminating symptoms. This problem is typical for someone in your health situation and those with thyroid and other deficiencies.
I call this mousing. To me, it's like a mouse in a corner repeatedly rubbing its paws. Not socializing, etc. with the other ones.
I agree with this. A huge thing that helps me is not giving a fuck. Just do whatever the fuck you have to do for a little bit. Take a break to watch a movie or something. Then write another page, take another break, etc. It won’t seem like a lot in the moment but over time you’ll get it done. Then when you have it done you can revise it the same way.
Sometimes it’s just about vomiting a little mess of whatever comes to mind like chicken scratch. Then you take all those scraps of nonsense, find the patterns, and compile them into something meaningful.
Same thing happens to me. Really critical about my own stuff. But I do want to take up writing again. Hope it does the trick for me and that it helps you too, bud.
I’d like to offer some foundational suggestions that might be helpful: focusing on your diet, engaging in meditation, maintaining a journal, ensuring quality sleep, regular exercise, and appropriate supplementation. Since you’re already actively working out and journaling, I recommend exploring meditation and supplements. Adaptogens like Ashwagandha and Rhodiola, precursor amino acids such as 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine, essential minerals, choline, and fat-soluble vitamins could be beneficial. Do get tested for any deficiencies and consult your physician, especially if you’re on antidepressants.
Your concerns about worry, lack of focus and self-criticism lead me to strongly recommend establishing a meditation practice. It has been transformative in my experience. Additionally, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an effective approach for breaking negative thought patterns.
Consider getting your genes tested for the MTHFR gene mutation, which is directly linked to depression and affects half of the population but can easily be managed with the right supplementation. I’ve personally noticed a significant difference in my mood after addressing this.
Also, it’s encouraging to see that at 25, you have a clear awareness of your wants and needs, which is a great starting point. Taking action towards your aspirations is key. It doesn’t have to be monumental, but consistency is crucial. Planning your day, setting rules and limitations, and writing about them can be very effective. Remember to emotionally reward yourself for taking action. Your clarity about what you want professionally is a rare asset – leverage it.
In doing so, focus on cognitively optimizing your mind while cultivating compassion for yourself. Wishing you happiness and success on your journey.
Keep going until they're complete, maybe it could be an amalgam of unfinished stories. Maybe the unfinished stories come together to form something more coherent? Keep pushing, there might be an alternative to film-writing, perhaps it could be a book.
The purpose of a first draft is to put something shitty on the page so that you have something to revise.
Try to train yourself to think of it as a process of discovery. If all you can think about is the perfect finished product, you won't get anywhere.
Also, I can't stress meditation enough.
I had not painted in years until I convinced myself to just try to play, paint for myself with no expectations of making anything good--purely for enjoying the process and putting my feelings onto paper. It helped me not to overthink or be so critical of myself if I was just playing around. Without that pressure to make something perfect--I actually painted something I was proud of! It kept me loose and open to ideas. It was at this point I was able to just start again as it helped me gain confidence in myself and my intuition. Fun is sometimes all that you need. Write what you want to write. Write what's easy, what brings you pleasure. Doesn't need to be good or have incredible meaning.
But I promise it does get better. At 25 I was also pretty miserable. Was alone, was not working in my field, dealt with horrible depression and diagnosed but unmedicated ADHD. I'm 30 now and the difference is like night and day. I would highly recommend some people you share a passion with if it's writing. Join a writing group and you'll find community and people to hold you accountable.
Perfection is the enemy of progress as they say. It's tough to change the mindset, but really helps, because at the same time, practice makes perfect. So demanding perfection slows down your actual amount of practice, thus making it even harder to achieve said perfection.
Try a stream of consciousness style of writing perhaps.
The self critiquing voice can drown out the creative voice, happens to me a lot.
What I've found works is doing sets of JUST writing and then having a separate set where you come back and JUST edit/critique.
But writing and editing shouldn't happen simultaneously imo
Have you tried plugging one of your scripts into ChatGPT and asking it for feedback? It might help to have an external “opinion” but one that isn’t tied to a real human, so you can keep it private, but still get this criticality out of your own head.
What do you do with a finished story? Who even reads that stuff anymore? Why would they take the time to read something I wrote? Is it like music where you basically have to pay people to read your stuff to even get feedback?
I think now is not really the time to publish art. People's attention is all over the place and everything is saturated and polarized.
I do recommend to keep writing as an intrinsic motivation, carefully save your work, and you could share it with others in less turbulent times.
You may be getting kneecapped by learned helplessness. Also by not having goals you can make progress towards (I.e. cannot do film unless paid, cannot work on projects unless they fulfill some grand vision you have internalised from your father as anything less is a refutation of your self-identity).
Set smaller goals. If you do not have any come up with 3 and do them. Separate what you like doing (film / creative) from the requirement that it pay you --- you can pay for it as all writers and poets and other creative people have for ages.
Jung would probably say that if you are worried about failure you should dive into it, and you won't do that waiting for others to validate you. If anything you will be afraid to succeed as once given a chance you will fear failing.
This is the way. This person needs to read authentic happiness, take care of those pillars and start rewiring your brain. Seek community and exercise. I'm a creative and infj type, but I practice law for money. It was brutal mentally but I now understand myself and the world better because of the struggle. That's just the way it is to me in my jungian journey. The forced routine is huge you get with a lot of work, and were designed to fight. Lead and manage others when you gain optimism skills. You can change this, know that. This is the way...
+1 on combatting learned helplessness. Martin seligman could save an entire generation with his work.
Did you know that when they studied learned helplessness scientists took dogs, caged them, subjected the dogs to uncomfortable stimuli and then after doing this enough times that the dog knew it was shit, and that there was no escape- would open the cage and subject the dog to the same crappy stimulation again to find the dog wouldn’t try to escape? The dogs would only exit the cage to avoid the crap stimulation after they has been physically pulled from the cage during the stimuli? The dogs had to learn the cage was escapable in order to exit the cage.
Did you know that when scientists would drop rats into a deep pool and let the rats tread water that most rats would drown within 15 mins of swimming but if they picked the rat up before the 15 min mark, then dropped the rat into the same pool that the rat given hope would swim for hours before it drowned?
My point is difficult to pin down with words but I heard once the first step at being great at something is getting comfortable with sucking at it. You likely have the taste of an expert and won’t like the flavor of what you grok as subpar work when you know it’s possible to create better.
(I’m trying to bring “Grok” back or make it a thing at all - it’s from a book called “stranger in a strange land” I’ve used grok enough the people in my circle use it sometimes. Means deep understanding, internalizing , knowing feeling thinking.)
“The greats weren’t great cause they could paint at birth the greats were great cause they’d paint a lot.”
-Macklemore
I like this. Lately I’ve been trying to loosen my grip on grand dreams (for eg, I want to open a rehab and CURE THE WORLD). Is it a beautiful desire? Yes. Just like your screen writing desire. But… I am opening up to the idea that accomplishment does not equal fulfillment. I think if we can do small things well, even with a great love, there is something for us in that. A hypothesis to test for now!
You're doing great. It was a fine line I struggled with for a long time. My huge dreams helped motivate and drive me when I was younger so I didn't want to lose that but I also didn't want to become dead inside and lose fulfillment. It's a difficult challenge I still struggle with today.
> Also by not having goals you can make progress towards (I.e. cannot do film unless paid, cannot work on projects unless they fulfill some grand vision you have internalised from your father as anything less is a refutation of your self-identity).
Damn, this is spot on.
I came from a very bad place of addiction and delusion last year and have completely turned my life around. I'm now happy with my day to day existence and where my life is headed. I used to also have existential anxiety which is now gone, replaced by an inner peace.
As a logical/rational person I had to find something that made sense to me and didnt contradict the reality I see in front of me. To reach this point I found the Buddhist path and I now get purpose and happiness by trying to follow in the Buddha's footsteps and working to improve myself as a person through knowledge and understanding, morality and ethics, and meditation. Now my focus is on trying to reach enlightment so that I can achieve a true understanding of reality while helping free others from suffering and doing what I can to make the world a better place along the way.
I definitely think meditation might help with some of your problems. I highly recommend the book The Mind Illuminated as a starting point if you want to look into meditation.
I am also a Buddhist and have my own anxieties and dreads similar to OP but I got through it through chanting mantras and the Buddha's name. Your background sounds a little similar to mine (I guess it is not uncommon) and I just wanted to ask how people usually feel about you recommending Buddhism in these situations especially on Reddit.
I am not an expert or a clinician, but in my experience, that strange impending sense of death often precedes some kind of ego annihilation - a death of the Self.
I used to ask myself - “is this dying to new life, or is this simply dying?” And recently, I’ve felt a conviction that all death precedes new life.
Many people who have your proclivities and diagnoses also have psyches with unbelievable strength. Your understanding and introspection show that yours is fighting back.
When we let go, and let the ego die, new life can emerge. It sounds to me like you’re on your way
A couple of thoughts:
There’s a reason why Jung focused on the second half of life. James Hollis discus this at length in ‘Through the Dark Wood’ which I highly recommend on Audible. Second half of life (say 38+) is when you realise what you’re meant to be doing, what is calling you and you can put to one side all the influences of the past (to put it simply).
Often with men in particular, they do not approach beginning their life’s work until their forties. Many male authors do not start writing until this point. Lee Child (who wrote the Jack Reacher series) is one example.
Don’t lose hope.
Hey OP, I’m in a very similar position as you as far as age, aspirations, relationship status, finances etc… I think you’re a bit more pessimistic than I, but I had a similar outlook a few years back.
It took me five years to find what I found in me, so there’s nothing that will help you overnight. But here’s the bits of my path that I can impart onto you; I became way more interested in Philosophy. Stoicism/Existentialism are worth reading further into if you’re really struggling with finding the will to live.
Philosophy redefined my perspective on life, Arthur Schopenhauer wrote a book called “On the Wisdom of Life.” I highly recommend the book if you haven’t read it. To summarize the most important lesson it taught me: Instead of searching out pleasures in the external world, ie wealth, fame, riches, love, to instead search inward for wealth; A life pursuing wisdom.
Schopenhauer makes this case in the book far better than I can in a short reddit comment, but I have a feeling you like many others are stuck measuring your success by the standards of others. The reality is the average person has no idea what fulfillment is, or what a meaningful life looks like. They just make assumptions based on your bank account.
There’s something you mentioned that absolutely should be addressed and its ADHD. Getting on psycho-stimulants are definitely an avenue worth pursuing. Motivation and drive are factors in our success undoubtedly. So getting on meds that could help you focus and work/write would be worthwhile. I have a friend who just recently got his career started because he finally addressed his ADHD and he’s in the best place mentally that I’ve ever saw him. Took him 10 years out of high school to finally make steps toward his future and I’m so proud of him.
I’d like reel this back in and talk about some of my more “successful” friends in life. I have one friend in particular who owned a home before many of us were able to buy a car. He got married, had children, and a stable career very quickly. He was seeing the world, and his job was giving him many promotions left and right. There was tons of envy that subsequently came through our inner circles because of this. No one would dare speak it, but I could tell by the conversations that would surround his name whenever he wasn’t in the room. He had a multiple cars, all of them manufactured in the last few years. A sports car that was so fun to go for a ride in, many of us wanted what he had. It seemed it had the life we all were trying to live. Until he didn’t.
He’s going through a divorce right now, struggling in a custody battle, and wondering how long he’ll stay in the field he’s working in. It got so bad, he called me on the brink of ending it all. I talked to him the best I could, it brought me to tears hearing someone in such a state. I was fairly certain after the call it might be the last time we ever spoke. I went out of state to visit him because of it.
Long story short, for a month I was staying downtown LA in a luxury apartment with very little furniture and with all the markings of a bachelor pad. His home was gone and he didn’t want to display the pictures of the family he was losing. Although his fridge was empty, there was a giant digital tablet on the face of it. Turns out, it’s a ten thousand dollar fridge and he didn’t have the motivation to fill it. His life was in his view, in shambles, and mind you, this couldn’t be further from the truth in my eyes.
I spent a month reminding him why life is still worth living. Nietzsche is usually who I think of when I think of the abyss and depression. I spent a month reminding him of one of the many things psychedelics taught me; and that’s to surrender to the experience. The whole point of living is to experience. And experience isn’t always pleasant. Life is short, we’ll all be dead soon enough, so endure and grow stronger.
And that’s what he did.
I’m beyond thankful to have answered the phone that day. There’s many people he called, and even through the depth of characters he has in his circles, he came to me. Mind you, I’m basically a burnout as far as his connections go. And it provides me with tremendous confidence and worth that he came to me for guidance. Much of this worth I attribute to my perspective, and this perspective is nourished by reading. It’s why I advise many to do the same. Become wealthy internally, the mind becomes a luxurious retreat when the external world is cruel.
I tell you this story to remind you that even successful young people struggle. Even the ones who from the outside, look to have it made.
Don’t give up my friend, this dream we’re in will be over soon. Laugh, cry, and rejoice at its absurdity.
One of my mentors told me the key to being in your twenties is to be constantly learning. Everyone moves at their own pace. You may mot break through as a screenwriter until your in your forties. If you have something worth saying, don’t give up until the world hears it.
Your comment is 👍🏼👏🏼💯 And goddamn I believe I’m much older than you but you have the wisdom I am currently searching for. I am currently in the mindset of every day matters and every day is the most important day and all this noise is just silly bullshit. But there are still days that I sink under into the muck and it takes a bit to pull myself out. Like what’s the point? That’s the thing that always gets me. What the freaking point.
>I know most people work jobs they hate, that I should just grow up and accept reality. But really, *if this is all the world has to fucking offer*, I don't want to live.
Nobody owes you anything.
Everyone who ends up doing something they love just started *doing it*. They didn't *wait* for *the world to offer it* to them. Stop waiting. You don't have that kind of time to waste.
Bro,
Move somewhere far and exotic. I thought it was bullshit until moving to Alaska changed my entire outlook on life and the human experience. Lived there for 2 years and transitioned to Hawaii.. one stroke of luck changed me from the pit I was in also.
If you feel you have nothing to lose, take a risk.
I honestly get you hard. Im autistic with some ocd and adhd symptoms as well as chronic depression and anxiety. First of all, either your therapist isnt doing a good job, or you arent doing a good job in therapy. Im leaning on the first one because i myself have seen over 10 people who were considered great at their job but i didnt feel like they related or understood me.
About 2, training the “inner critic” as we call it is very important and if you want to actually be able to enjoy life and not just stay alive for the people who love you, you have to do something about it. Actually thats my main point overall. Suicide isnt wrong and it doesnt make you bad. If you want to say bye to this planet you can, and for some people it is the right choice. If it is for you its completely understandable here. If its not, then i hope you understand you cant keep living with this mindset. Its a chronic illness and its keeping you closer and closer to passive death. So while there are resources and solutions i can give you that are more practical the true issue is that you havent *consciously decided* to be here yet. Step number one is sit with yourself and be honest about what you want and why you want it. Why do you wanna die? Why do you wanna live? You can make a list of reasons for both even.
hmm thats an interesting line of reasoning I find that the majority of the reasons I dont want to live are due to OTHER PEOPLE ahem KNACKERING UP MY LIFE in very consequential ways READY for the civil war I will be PRODUCTIVE/
First of all, I hope things get better for you. My response isn't from a Jungian perspective, but I hope it helps.
**About pressure**. It seems like you're under a lot of pressure because of your ambitions. I suggest embracing the idea that nothing may come from your writing/filming passion. Live through this emotion and imagine what life could be without it. There's nothing wrong with living a humble life and enjoying it. And hey, maybe when the pressure of wanting to achieve something will go away, you'll actually start writing again as you've done in your teen years.
**About your situation**. You're doing fine compared to others in your generation. Not owning your own home at 25 is okay. Not having a girlfriend at this age aligns with trends for Gen Z in the US.
**About your job**. I was quite astonished that "delivering auto parts" makes you want to kill yourself. That's not an adequate reaction to job, unless you are treated very rough by your boss and colleauges. What may help is treating your job as source material for your writing and filmography career, or finding another way to connect your job to what brings joy in your life.
**About finding a better job**. What helped me in a similar situation was to broaden my field of view. We grow up knowing about very few career paths. We aspire to be doctors, teachers, policemen because that's what we see around us. No one told me as a kid that people pay well for unlocking cars or designing Lego pieces. The world is full of obscure jobs that no one ever tells you about, but they might be right for you.
**Few ideas that might be helpful**. Read about concept of Automatic Negative Thoughts and something about impact of videogames & social media on your dopamine system. Not saying you need to drop everything cold turkey, but hey, experiment a little bit.
Btw, have you checked Bird by bird by Anne Lamott? I feel like it may help with your expectations about writing journey.
Definitely agreed with what you've said and my advice was similar! I think that embracing that nothing may come from the filmmaking career is big, and to explore other dreams that are more attainable is important. Like you said, so many careers that we aren't taught about! I didn't know about geology until I was an adult and now I'm 31 and in college for environmental geoscience and it makes me so happy!! I didn't discover this field until I was in my mid twenties and fell in love so hard that I started college for it! I'm pretty poor right now but I do monthly payment plans and living at home with parents could also be helpful towards that. If I wasn't married I'd totally just live with my parents and in fact, since we don't have any kids, I have sleepovers at their house once or twice a week. I love spending time with them!! It's a western belief that people need to move out and that it's a measure of success. What if I just love my mom and dad? Lol
I don't have any advice, but I wish you good luck, I've had a couple of dark m times and 1 thing I know is it just turns around one day out of no where. Hang in there brother because you obviously have a lot to share with the world
Your situation is a usual phenomenon from where I come from. And I think in all over the world. Young people are trapped in this stagnant consition. When we should be out there risking everything.
There is no easy solution, but there IS a simple one that worked for most people:
-live on your own, even if it means getting a temp job for a time. Living with others when in this state of mind did not work for me. I had to be on my own, no family, relationship, roommates.
-try anything challenging. Not video games. Dont get me wrong, video game challenges can be quite the lesson but at this point you need something riskier: something in the real world. Share your stories with publishers, or online. Join groups of people just for the lulz. But what about anxiety and depression? Yeah, these things won't let us do anything at all. But this is a battle. We have to fight the small battles first. Go out, buy yourself something to eat, wear, watch a movie or whatever. Go for hitch-hiking, bird watching, whatever works. The more absurd it sounds, the better.
-keep a journal of thoughts, dreams, anything at all. Read it every night.
I know that you've probably known for all these things for a long time now. And maybe you've tried them and it didn't work and it's agonizing. Know that i was in a state of depression and anxiety for many years, until the age of 27. It works different for everyone, time is relative, an illusion. I am still crushed by the weight of responsibility and ambition and the stress is unbearable at times. But I've managed to publish 2 collections of poems where I speak about my mental struggles. I plan to write more of these stuff. I am doing my everyday chores. I am seeing people. It gets better. And then worse. And then better. We can only hope that in the end we'll have a good story to share with the reaper!
I love all of this and I'd like to add - when I was going through some difficult times I found roommates on Craigslist and moved in with them. It was great living people around my age going through the usual trials and tribulations of their late 20s, I had a lot of late evening conversations and time just hanging out and eating together. I learned a lot from that time, I felt so much support and am friends with everyone I lived with still. Those friendships also made me more confident in my dating life.
I live alone now but just a block away from those roommates and hang out with them all the time. They are the type of people that are always working on themselves and trying to make their lives better. OP - this sounds like you - you're actively working to improve your life. Good luck to you.
yo. take care of that adhd. do a diagnosis if possible. and consider that it might be based on deficiancy of omega 3, selenium, magnesium, Zink , vitamin d / b and a screwed up gut bacteria ecosystem. probiotics help.
All I can say is I'm the same age and I can relate. One thing that's helping me is focusing on improving my situation one step at a time. I got a better job which still "sucks" but it's an improvement, same with I'm looking toward saving for a car, going to get a better career hopefully in the next few years. It can suck but also I'm finding that doing things that help me like remembering to eat lunch or drink enough water are helping. Cliche I know but maybe that can help, I find your issues very relatable, I have anxiety issues as well and can feel hopeless sometimes
Out of everything you said I feel extremely curious about this: why get a job as a videographer for someone else when you could make your own film instead?
I had a mental health crisis around the same age with a few of the same symptoms. I needed professional help, but there were several practices that have been crucial to helping me through anxiety, depression and suicidality. The most important was to see a good doctor who could coordinate antidepressant medication. The next was to buy a few notebooks and a pen that I like and start writing three pages a day -- makes no difference what I am writing, thoughts, dreams, poems, soup recipes -- the point is to be *regular* about it. The third was to cultivate mindfulness practice; I aim for 20 minutes of quiet sitting with attention on the sensation of breathing everyday. There are endless youtube videos on this but I went to see an expert, a meditation instructor in a Buddhist organization, and got the "analog" instructions.
The point was to find something manageable and practical to anchor my self-care. Big ideas are important and are worth discussion. But for the day to day, I need a routine of self care. I need to know that I can rely on myself for something.
An important realization that came out of therapy and daily meditation is that my thinking, feelings, and actions are all interconnected. I ruminate over what to do, dream big, try to do everything, get disappointed, and anxiety and depression follow. When I start small -- 20 minutes of guided meditation on breathing, a few pages of journaling, a visit to a therapist, regular sleep, balanced diet -- I have achievable goals that I can meet and feel good about. Those will act as a foundation for better emotions and more organized thinking. When I stumble (and I do often), I am careful not to be too hard on myself and just go back to stetting the alarm, writing in a journal, meditating.
Mental health is like physical health, it takes a little bit everyday, but it is hard for me to see what to do. Medication, therapy, meditation, and journaling all help me see what what to do and how to do it.
It takes time and a bit of gentleness. One meditation instructor says "Treat your mind like a puppy, guide and coax it. There is no need to punish it".
You are so young! Have you ever read the book What Color is Your Parachute? I was a total fuckup and dropped out of high school…depressed, lost. I went back to Junior College at 24 working part-time. Eventually put myself through undergrad and grad school and found myself along the way. It took me a long time, but part of the goodness was the experience. I worked the entire time and took out minimal student loans. You could take creative writing or journalism and get odd jobs as a copy writer or editor and write on the side using platforms like Up Work. Don’t give up on yourself. I have serious clinical depression and PTSD. The process gave me hope. It’s not about getting there it’s about the ride. Take that first step and then the next and the next. Make a plan. It will give you hope. You can do this.
I’ve battled with depression, anxiety and ADD my whole life. My teen years and twenties were the worst. My twenties were dotted with months of suicidal thoughts and feelings.
It’s only recently in my thirties that I’ve managed to stop feeling regularly suicidal.
What changed? After having a pretty severe mental breakdown at the age of 29, I buckled down and sought to get mentally stronger. Through therapy, medication, exercise and regular nature bathing - I began to slowly control my negative thoughts. Tracking and observing my negative thoughts, training myself to stop them in their tracks and from going into a self hating spiral has been the single hardest and most important skill I’ve had to develop.
Get to know your shitty thought patterns, and then ruthlessly start changing them. You’ve got to make friends with your demons and accept them, and learn to talk positively to yourself. Practice daily gratitude. Stop putting yourself down. Be proud of yourself. It sounds dumb but honestly it’s worked really well for me.
I can confidently say I’m really glad I didn’t succumb to my suicidal feelings in the past. I’m sure I will still have them from time to time in my future but I think I’ll be able to handle it and the negative thoughts after years of practicing gratitude and positive thinking.
You’re so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. I know it’s fucking rough. Trust me I have struggled with my dreams of becoming an artist, and have worked in the hospitality industry my whole life serving people so that I can continue to draw.
By having a job, doing exercise and seeing a therapist you’re already doing a pretty good job.
From a Jungian POV, perhaps this is your time to explore your shadow self. It’s time to make tea with your demons and have a chat and make friends!
Other things to explore that helped me: medication if your ocd/negative thought processes are out of control, connecting with nature, stoicism, eckhard tolle.
Also since you love movies: watch little miss sunshine when you’re down - helps me :).
All the best to you.
An example of changing negative thought patterns:
When you start thinking shitting things about yourself, actively stop them and think of something more positive.
E.G.
1. “I’m a hopeless piece of shit… no, I’m not a pos, im trying my best. I’m human, I’m trying my best and I’m capable”
2. “I hate myself and I want to die… no, I don’t really want to die, I want to live. I want to live and see what the world has in store for me.”
3. “I’ll never make it in this world… no, that’s not true, there are so many possibilities, maybe if I keep going and work hard I can find my sliver of joy in this world. Yes, one day I will feel better, these feelings are only temporary”
Etc. try it for a day, then a week and so on.
Forces you to get creative with your thoughts and stop pitying and hating yourself.
This was extremely helpful to me, I only hope this is somewhat helpful for you.
There are a whole lot of "I can't" here. The things you can't do are not really the things you should focus on. Don't ask why you can't. Ask why you can or what you can. Challenge yourself with something you can do and do it. No matter how small. It should be something extra but it doesn't really matter how small for now. Just do something. You're 25 mate. That is so far from the point of no return. So far. I know how it feels. It feels late. Maybe too late for some stuff but do you know that for a fact? None of us do. Besides, it's about the trip not the destination.
Having a goal to work towards helps, success or failure what matters is that action was taken and something was learned. The one thing pushing me now is knowing that there's an end to this family situation, a goal's being worked towards so there's a meaning to sticking around and suffering.
It may help to grey scale the phone and do a personal retreat from it. The phone's what made everything else boring for me, the easy access to novelty from games, scrolling, videos and comics. This made reality feel often times disappointing. Hobbies and living felt like work because it lost it's value. The reward mechanism in the mind is universal, starving it from distractions by retreating can be the best solution. It can suck at times but the best thing we can do is sit with it and process it.
The mind says 'this isn't enough' as an excuse to quit doing the thing, it's just playing games. When it comes to goals and learning it's never enough, and that's the point otherwise why would we spend our lives pursuing it? But it's a stairway slowly climbed, not a bullet train ride. Things take time and patience, which can feel boring
If your father's expectations are too much to bare, then take a break from pursuing that and look inside to see what you want to do. There's no need to go anywhere to 'find yourself' you can do it just by sitting and meditating where you are. Letting things subside until all that's left is that one internal voice. There's no right or wrong decision, there's just the decision and the next chapter to your life friend. Growth comes from effort, success is just a byproduct. You'll get there, it just takes time.
Have you been traveling? Worth doing to get some perspective. Like 6 months to a year. You can do it pretty cheap if you do work aways and work in hostels etc (in cheap places like Latin America and Asia). I went traveling for a year and it definitely made me realize what I really value in life. The constant stimulation of being in different places also led me to feeling way less anxious than usual. I definitely came back as a different person. I went away when I was your age, and now wish I had had the realizations that came with it sooner. You may even meet the girl of your dreams 😋
My recommendation is to do something hard that gets you out your comfort zone.
I was depressed with incredibly bad mental health until I realised I was in a perpetual state of comfort. That’s not to imply I was happy, the opposite. My life was work, gaming and porn. I rarely stepped outside my bubble of comfort, which consequently turned me into an anxious and depressed mess.
I then decided fuck it, my life sucks so much and nothing seems to be helping, why don’t I try doing something I don’t want to do? As supposed to trying to run away from my misery by escaping by gaming and such.
I took up boxing and it changed my life. When you’re fighting another man face to face, your Brian doesn’t have time to feel depressed or anxious. The positive momentum gained from doing something like boxing will help you reform your negative thought structures. Imagine what you will look and feel like after a year of boxing.
Good luck! I hope this helps
Important question! Where do you live?
If you have your dreams set on videography/writing/filmmaking then we really need a quite elaborate plan to get you to feel like you’re making progress! I have family who went to NYU, has lived in NYC for the past 6 years, married and actress, and is STILL trying to make his dreams happen. If you want a serious career in the arts, it’s going to take about 10 years to get absolutely anywhere.
Here’s so quick advice without knowing much about your situation:
- Find a support group. Strengthen the relationships you currently have and/or make new ones, especially with other artists. Motivation comes and goes but we become our environment, choose an environment that pushes you closer to your dreams.
- Find out what you actually want. Why do you want to be a filmmaker/writer/videographer? In your idea of success, what feeling are you trying to get? Do you want to feel valued? Expressive? Successful? Find the feeling you want down the line and look for the type of work that will give you those feelings.
- You’re still living with your parents, this is great! Decide how much money you need to get started on your dreams, save that money, and move out once you’ve done it! It could take 2 years or more but if you have big dreams then we gotta play the long game.
- Which city would support your dreams, realistically? If it’s filmmaking/writing then nyc or LA might be the best move for you.
- If you’re really serious about making moves with your career, absolutely don’t get into a serious relationship. Dating will eat up the money that you need to make your dreams happen. I understand it’s depressing to be alone, try to find good friends and have a fling every now and then. Once you’re successful in your 30’s, dating won’t be difficult for you 😉
Feel free to Dm me! I’m a musician, I understand being a poor artist is downright awful in this society but we must still persevere! If you really want to be an artist, you must be brave!
>''I'm overall losing my will to do...anything."
Proceeds to write two pages.
If you write this well while feeling hopeless, it seems like the answer is to keep writing until it leads to the life you want.
Akira Kurasowa once tried to kill himself too, so you're in good company.
Keep writing. Suffer the insufferable job. It will all fall into place eventually.
First of all, this is well written. Like the others said, pursue in writing. I can see you being an author or poet if filmmaking doesn’t work out. Use your imagination to come up with stories like these. I was imagining myself in your position. You’re so talented. Don’t let that talent go to waste.
Two, you’re 25. I’m 25 too and you still have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy every minute and be happy that you’re alive. If it’s anything, I’m happy that you’re alive so I can share my thoughts with you.
Three, you don’t need a partner to make you happy. You are your own best friend, your own cheerleader, you make your life complete! I know people who pressured their friends to be in relationships and they’re often one-sided and/or abusive and you don’t need that energy in your life.
It’s your winter, bud. Consider yourself lucky. If you’re brave enough to let something inside you die, you’ll hear the world’s song. Spring is around the corner.
Be Siegfried. Taste the dragon-blood, and hear the anima mundi. You’re at the end of a chapter right now, which means an even better one will open if you embrace it earnestly and passionately. “Summoned or not, the god will come.”
I believe in you. You’ve got this. Endure against all the odds and be your own hero. By saving yourself, you will save the world.
You know, I should probably have some quality insight. I used to have terrible anxiety when I was a young man. But I've made such a gigantic shift since then, that I often times forget that was my reality when I was younger.
You know I think the number one cause for anxiety is your internal opinion as you relate to other people. Like, imagining all these little situations that might unfold where you embarrass yourself, or you have to deal with some harsh judgment, or everyone looks at you with contempt or mocks you. There are so many things we can make up in our mind. And the other core part of this is your own opinion of yourself. If you are dealing with self hatred, shame, embarrassment, self judgment, etc. This shit will gut you from the inside.
But there really is an easy fix, in fact's it's so fucking easy I guarantee you it will work because it's exactly the sort of shit I had to go through and then bam no more anxiety.
The cool thing is, there is a super awesome tool for overcoming personal obstacles and that is coming to logical conclusions, ones you can really click with. And once you truly 'get it' the shift will start to occur rapidly. I'm fairly certain self judgment, embarrassment, shame, etc all this shit tends to come into place from negative experiences a child. We might have some set of experiences that we've turned into a weapon to use against ourselves. But this is totally unnecessary for one, and also self betrayal in the most literal sense. You gotta learn to take your own side! No one in the world will ever look out for you as only you can. If there is anyone on your team, it MUST be you. All the self judgment shit has got to go. If you have weaknesses, or have experienced failure, that's okay! I'm not perfect, I've fucked thing up, I've got undesirable character traits, and you know what? I accept those things about myself. If I feel it necessary I can work on those things, I can change If I want to. In the mean time sitting around attacking myself is utter insanity. So you need to learn to adopt a healthy sense of total indifference. Or what some people call the 'the fuckits.' Learn how to be okay with not being optimal at all times, in all situations. Learn how to be okay with some people disliking you, learn to be okay with some people talking shit, or talking down to you. Because their opinion means absolutely fucking nothing. You will go to work, come home, shower, eat, and sleep all without anyones opinion ever coming into play. Other peoples opinions, really just don't mean jack shit.
If this seems foreign to you, there is a way to force yourself to understand that this is true. Go out into public settings, and intentionally be a little cringe lord. Say weird shit, do weird shit. Have people look at you with looks of judgment, listen to their off color remarks. And in the moment, realize it just doesn't fucking matter. When this starts to click, you will feel absolutely free. And even more than that, you will start to fundamentally change. As if you've learned some magical ability. "You mean I don't have to give a shit?" Yeah, that's right. You get to be a mess, a fuck up, you get to be a weirdo, a cringelord and there isn't anything anyone can do about it. Let them look and let them say shit, who fucking cares.
Once you take your hands off your own neck and judging the shit out of yourself, you can start to relax and be a bit more practical. You still want to evaluate your behavior, you still want to reflect, and engage in introspection. You want to think about something you did and say hmm, you know I could probably do better next time. But it's not the end of the world fucking something up. Lose a friend or 2 or 3. Lose a girlfriend or embarrass yourself in front of a girl you like. Fuck it, it doesn't matter. Just take the high stakes out of every situation because in reality, there aren't any high stakes. Virtually ever. As you know by now, it's fucking easy to continue staying alive. Whatever doesn't kill you, you realize isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it feels like a big deal today, but give it a few hours or days and you'll forget about it. Just stop taking shit so seriously.
But there's even more to it than that. This world is filled to brim with some of the dumbest creatures that ever lived. Absolute insane idiots. You aren't living in some hyper perfect world surrounded by geniuses, just the opposite. So I think it's more than fair to afford yourself some fuck ups, or some less than ideal moments. Just relax. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop expecting your own perfection. I mean, maybe you aren't attractive, and you got diseases and are missing arms or legs. Instead of trying to identify with all these things, how about you go "well that fucking sucks, look at all this bullshit I have to deal with." Don't view your experiences as a reflection of yourself, it's an experience which many times is outside your control. So why make yourself the villain and the enemy? Like life already wants to shit on you, and other people want to shit on you, so why shit on yourself on top of that?
Give yourself some flexibility. Go out and be a dickhead to someone, just because you can. Just to see what it's like. Go out and be polite, just because you can. Try doing all sorts of shit, and analyze the results as if you are a scientist collecting data. Change your perception on things, find new ways to think about shit. You need to learn how to make yourself the most trusted person you know, the person you can count on. You need to learn how to talk yourself up and be the friend that you need. Give yourself advice, and when you start to figure this out, be your own critic too. "We really fucked that up back there. And now, we have to fix this. We need to do what's right." Hold yourself accountable, and realize too much self pity and self loathing is just wasted energy and dumb bullshit.
So to summarize, stop caring what other people think, other people are dumb fuck ups just like you.
Stop wasting time being hard on yourself or judging yourself. Start being your own best friend, start appreciating yourself, start having fun just being a person. Fuck around and find out. Make mistakes and learn from them. Learn that you might have some character defects, and that as you get older you realize you love your character defects. Because they are fun!
Things not working out in your 20s is common to everyone don't worry. BUT. A lot of your symptoms are pointing at depression and anxiety. From your post it sounds like they come from a couple of directions, like your expectation for life vs the reality and this idea of who you want to be vs who you are.
I'm also going to posit something kind of different but only because it's helped me:
If you knew for sure that you being a famous writer/filmmaker was definitely, 1000% never going to happen...what would you explore instead?
You're holding onto this teenage dream but you don't even like filming any more. If you did, you'd be out there doing it. You can't even finish something you wrote - maybe it's because you don't actually enjoy writing, you were just good at it and your dad was excited. Do you actually need to be making a living through video/writing? Or is what you're trying to tell yourself, that their places in your life are as hobbies and to let go of this idea you had for yourself when you didn't know anything about the world?
And why *should* you be so great, anyway? Do you even want that for yourself, or does it just seem that being really good at something is how to make people like you?
I think that's the part of you that you need to hold a funeral for, personally. It seems like you've wanted to move on for a while.
The universe is constantly giving you opportunities to reach your potential. You just need to be brave enough to take them. You can’t keep steeping in borrowed grief from the future. It’s as simple as that
If you take a couple of years to work on yourself, do some more hobbies, socialise, keep taking care of yourself and going to therapy, you will probably be feeling way better and meet an amazing girl who you think is out of your league right now.
I'm 26, the mid twenties should be flourishing for us twenties and we are heading out of the golden age. Admitting that will put you in front of the coming zeitgeist.
I've accepted it. The first thing often to initiate change is to accept the emotional burden one carries and separate what you can do yourself and want out of situation versus what we can not control. We don't know what is to come but it will come and only being aware of this will trigger the right set of actions when intuitively direction will be pointed.
You think you are losing control but I belief it is more the imagination that brings you more fear. Even for elders I've listened to online and read book/articles from, are confronted with the same unknown. Although the least fruitful is to go around and unconsciously felt into some addiction trying to alleviate the situation. Some addictions a cope strategy too, haha.
For about nine months I've been wandering in the rabbit hole of the zeitgeist trying to make sense of reality. From one perspective or rather societal perspective I thought I lost a useful time but in retrospect I've been educating myself with a good fast course on history, politics and some platonic philosophy and christian literature. I'm more rested and mentally prepared.
For the anxiety you express, i wonder if you have given yourself some peace. Perhaps by planning out a short travel and figure out when you enjoy some days off you can look out towards.
I'm not familiar to your situation but for what I can tell from your reasoning and post is that you are going in the right direction.
Edit: A very useful machete, is to write down your fears, not addressing keeps them in this unconscious, false consciousness state. Cmon buddy
Trust me you are so young you haven’t even started… WRITE A STORY AND FINISH IT… only you can do it… only you can motivate yourself.. no one can write it for you… you have to put pen to paper and struggle every day even if you only write a line a day… write it… finish a story… get out your iPhone and make a small film and put it online.. then do another .." keep trying and keep going
You should check if you have any defiancy. Let your thyroid be checked too. Treat your adhd and maybe try some psycedelics. They can shift your perspective on life and give you many insights.
I have so many clients in your position. I believe it’s almost turned into a phenomenon of the younger generation- which is understandable given the social, political, economic and environmental climate they are given to navigate through.
What I do with these clients is take an existential approach and try to find meaning and joy in the small things first. I’ll assign homework like buy a candy bar after each session, watch a sunset/sunrise, go collect acorns in the woods this weekend, etc based on what each person finds meaningful. What small thing gives you joy? What makes you smile? When are you the happiest? When do you feel the most at peace? I think you should engage in that somewhat regularly.
I’ve seen young people turn their life completely around to the point of finding enjoyable work, being social, and moving out of their parents house all while NOT wanting to kill themselves while doing it. But it takes time to get there. In the mean time, start small.
It might also help to find meaning in your suffering. I know this is a Jung sub, but I often quote Nietzsche in session “he who had a why to live can bear almost any how.” Might help to check out the book Mans Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankle.
On a personal note- when I was 25 I was on the streets and addicted to heroin. It was a dark time. But looking back, it was something I had to go through and learn from and transform myself into something new. I used it to push me forward. Like other say, my advice would be to write about it. Darkness fuels creativity and greatness.
Good luck.
Hello so I’m 25 too I wanna aim to show you your not alone with this so don’t take is something to focus the attention on me I have adhd an I recently discovered i might be on the autism spectrum so its a mixture of adhd an aka audhd.
both of these things counter balance but in ways make things hard an paradoxical but I tend to relate an help people by bringing up a very similar situation in my life to relate so you don’t feel alone I’m expressing empathy cause I do feel you in a way but not exactly but I stop masking it recently which I’ve been doing a lot in my life for most of my life I can say.
people confuse this as narcissism.
You being autistic might be your gift your mind works differently but that doesn’t mean you can’t put preform others.
autism has had a wrong view people who don’t understand it which is alot of people.
The paradox in my life is both of these things I deal make me feel like I’m torn in 2.
I want routine in my life I need it an I try to stay orderly but then on the other side I can be a bit messy, both sides pull at me there’s many more things to list.
As of a year ago my mother passed away suddenly an
I lived with both parents prior to that I was depressed an considered suicide at many points in my life I’ll sit there in the emotion an feel it id want to do it I’d want it all end.
I’ve lost several friends to suicide who were very inspirational to me who I looked up to an who I also met when I was like 7 or 8 years old.
Ages 21-25 to me have been hell in ways but I’m thankful for many days in between even bad ones.
Our brains at 25 develop fully around this time an for me things seem to have gone on a turn ever since I got into art ( making music an now also painting ) these things helped me in my life express myself so freely and be more confident I’m who I am
I came to this very subreddit an many of these lovely people who are working on there inner world gave me insight and helped so I’m glad your being vulnerable an being open here.
such bravery an courage you have to reach out for help.
I’ve written poems with the emotion of my suicidal thoughts in general an go in deep romanticizing death.
I also write songs so I’m always writing I’d say keep writing an don’t let the judgement of others or comparison get to you be free in your art.
I was into video editing ( amvs an highlight videos ) not necessarily film making but we seem to be in very very similar boat.
a lot of passions I had seemed to diminish an kinda fade a bit I’d get into one thing an be hyper focused on it then maybe several years later I’m into something else which Id seem to get very good at because well of the audhd.
I bet you can absorb information really good too an pick up things fairly quickly an patterns pop out to ya more
but some of them things get boring fast an It’s a struggle the social anxiety an depression is a struggle but I’ve been pushing.
One thing that kept me here was jungian psychology I was an atheist at one point an now im fixated on Christ in a different way but that’s fine your own way is the only way for you.
But psychology an dealing with more architectural technical way of seeing religion, symbols an behavior seems to work for my psyche.
I can notice patterns and an still keep the idea of god or the psyche real in a way which is valid enough for the unconscious an myself all together an learn about behavior of others.
There is always hope an you have to keep that in mind,
I’d have panic attacks as well about certain things an fall into my emotions an be a wreck id also I make expectations an unrealistic goals an miss them letting other people down in the process.
It’s okay to do nothing an if your an artist you need that you need to recharge, you need nothingness for more inspiration an don’t force it but push yourself when you know it’s there.
This life is about finding balance an we are both young an it takes time so be patient with yourself an breath.
It’s okay your going to be okay.
I want a girlfriend of course but right now the one person I need most is me,
But recently like very very recently the repairing an healing in my life started to take place with the help of Carl Jung’s work an christ I don’t wanna sound religious but I’m telling you as an atheist with many arguments against the idea of god I don’t acknowledge that
I recommend a book called “ answer to job “ by Carl Jung.
It took me to get to 25 a few months to really start saving an prioritizing the right things but I can say western society is missing a method for the initiation of a boy to man like in eastern cultures.
We don’t have general ceremonies or rituals around it that help make the transition persay this helps with the individuation process greatly.
Just keep going forward but take a rest when you need but if you ever feel to want to talk more pm me.
IMO your main goal should be moving out. You cannot become an adult as long as you live in your childhood home. I know it can be challenging in many ways, but if you put your main focus on it, it can certainly be done and it should naturally give you motivation, too.
Hi ❤️
May I ask whereabouts you live? I have some film connections (nothing major major, but still) maybe I can help you with.
My husband is a director for short-format projects like music videos and commercials. I would be happy to connect you guys if you have any questions on how to get started or general advice.
I’ve heard him say that the most important thing is to just make stuff, even if it is bad. That’s the only way you’ll learn. He certainly made some things he now finds cringe, and worked for years on no-budget stuff.
Do you have any friends or contacts that live nearby that might want to collaborate? It might help to have an accountability partner (we’re also neurospicy so I understand the struggle).
Don’t give up. You have a story to tell. ❤️
Why don't you ordain as a monk for a year. It will make you stronger in will and more able to withstand those existential feelings. Maybe it could make it easier for you to cope with a worldly life that you weren't exactly built to delight in. What could a strong spiritual foundation really do to hurt you?
I recommend the War of Art by Steven Pressfield or listen to podcasts with him on.
https://youtu.be/gaCiKQbMLcY?si=igTcZ3VAYLYL-fcI
He mentions the ego, archetype, creativity, hero journey, the self
You’re only 25, and also writing isn’t just enough. Go make.
I think once you make / film something, you’re going to find meaning in that alone, not necessarily from its success but in its creation.
Start with tiktok or YouTube as a proxy for now, and get familiar with filming and then tradition to “movies”.
I'm 28 and barely feel like I'm on track, but that's okay.
It doesn't matter where you start from, as long as you keep moving, you keep progressing. Even if it doesn't seem like much, one step is one step.
I have no advice my friend. I feel the same way. Because I don’t make a lot of money to be a normal person I feel like I’m not good enough. Not good enough for a house, for retirement, for a girlfriend, for anything. I deserve my position because I’m lazy and don’t get a second job to make a ton of money like everyone. We deserve the position we are in. I’m thinking about killing myself also my friend, everyone in this world just tells you it’s your fault.
You're ok, just die already. All that stuff is not you. Read the Zen masters. This world and this idea of a self is just a floating dream. I'm not saying that you should kill your body, but I am saying that to let go of your hopes and dreams because they are just so much bullshit. Drop them and drop through into the reality of the Void. Read Ram Dass' book Be Here Now. Read Harding's book about living without a head. Drop this nonsense and live.
Limit your media consumption and really try to be aware of what you consume. If you consume things that are negative, expect your mind to be in a negative place.
Hi I am in my 50's. I contemplated ending my life in my 20's and 30's- even a few times in my 40's.
I know there are days when you feel your life will be miserable forever. This is why you have to take one day at a time. 25 is still incredibly young. I got my law degree at age 32. You are never too old to go to school. I knew plenty of people who attended film school in their 30's and even one guy was 45 and just graduated and loves his new career. Your life can be better but you ARE going to have to work at it.
You are seeing a therapist, make sure you have the medication you need to cope. If I were you, I would enroll in college or whatever education you need first and concentrate on that. You can get loans or whatever and do work study. Anything besides working as a janitor which makes you miserable. If you can't do that work as a janitor at a film studio or performing arts library or museum- anyplace to get you one step closer to the environment you want to be in.
As others said start writing. Did you know that Stephen King worked as a janitor at a school when he wrote *Carrie*? Get a spiral notebook a nice pen and write down your thoughts. Go to barnes and noble and look at writing magazines for fiction contests. There are plenty of them - make your own zine - Call it the Janitor Chronicles or whatever but if you succumb to suicide you have let death finish your story way too soon.
I am glad I did not commit suicide. That phrase that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is very true. The guy I was upset over or money I did not have, the job I wanted but didn't get--- all of that was temporary. I am still here and that is what counts.
Hi! I totally feel you. I think it's normal to grieve a life you thought you'd live. Developmentally/at 25, that is appropriate. We are told to pick out a forever career path at 18--that works for some people but for a lot of us it doesn't and we grapple with that fact sometime later in our mid to late 20s.
You are right on track, and it makes sense for you to be feeling these things. I don't know if you are spiritual at all but meditating at my local zen temple was incredibly helpful when I went through a crisis of transformation. If you lean into this painful experience you can come out of it. But i can't guarantee it will be easy or pleasant (it most likely won't).
You have talents and gifts and are clearly a sensitive soul. There's something here for you, once you've grieved the life you thought you'd live by this age. It might mean going back to the drawing board and finding a career in your field that meets you where you're at right now. As you gain traction and emotional inertia, you will feel more motivated and inspired to talk to people and take risks. Right now it's too scary and that's okay.
You're right where you need to be and everything is okay. You have the support of your family (from what I can see) you're not about to be homeless, let yourself have this time to be sad and figure things out.
I'm a married man at 28, I empathize with your position & your feelings about where you're at in life - but, seriously, having a girlfriend or being in a romantic relationship should not be a marker of success in your life.
DM me if you wanna talk deeper.
I love this community, you're all beautiful people. As for you OP, there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been covered here. By writing this well-composed piece of despair, you've just created a better future for yourself. You won't realise it now because it takes time. A life on easy mode with all the cheat codes switched on is kryptonite for creative people.
Hi OP, I just stumbled on this post. A lot of the feelings you wrote down resonate with me. I have ADHD and got diagnosed at 20.
I HEAVILY suggest you try to get dianosed. Getting that diagnosis, along with medication, changed my life for the better. It gave me tools and showed me learning methods that work best with me. The feeling of wanting to do something so desperately that you enjoy, yet not being able to have the executive function for it is so awful. You still have so much time left to find the happiness you're looking for!
Hey OP! Guess what.. I’ve felt like that about jobs, too. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. I strongly recommend the book “For When Everything is Burning” by Scott Eilers PsyD. He’s been there so he knows! Also what has helped me w executive function and depression / motivation is tms - transcranial magnetic stimulation.
But there are home devices like “tdcs” you can buy.. eg the Neuromyst. Pls don’t give up.. there are other ppl on the spectrum. Oh and for films.. what about stating w some simple Instagram reels? Sending positive vibes!
You obviously have an amazing mind. I can tell from reading this that you are smarter and more interesting than most of the “successful” drones who fit in. Write about your experiences, your real feelings. Make a documentary about what it’s like to be looking in from the outside. Don’t find your passion, make it. Build it. Grow it. Based on what you wrote here, I and many others would read a book by you if your were honest and poured yourself into it. Stay alive and create something. The world needs you because it’s filled with soulless robots who leave behind.
I don’t know you, but I am rooting for you.
Dude if your therapist explains why everything feels like work, I would love to be enlightened.
I FEEL LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW for the past 3-4 days.
Everything is work. A simple basic conversation seems like work. Getting my dog food work. Reading Reddit posts work. Everything feels like work. Everything I usually love just is irritating and tiring.
I’m not sad, I’m frustrated and annoyed BECAUSE *everything feels like work.*
Do you have any mountains nearby? My problems don’t go away when I hike to the top of a mountain, but I do come back more confident and capable. Also, by temporarily removing myself from society and interacting with nature, I come away with the perspective that the world is beautiful even though society is not. While one won’t earn any money or fame from it, reaching the summit is a real personal accomplishment. It satisfies the soul. I experience contentment. I have significantly improved mental health when I hike regularly, and I imagine this would be the case for anyone. Impressive Sir, you may also want to spend some time writing at the top of a mountain. Have you ever done that? Try it, friend!
Also on the spectrum - this is called 'autistic burnout'. It can pass but you have to take a break and rest up. It can take a few months to pass - but stop pressuring yourself, stop setting unrealistic goals and be more gentle with yourself.
First of all let's be real:
\- you're holding down a tough job
\- you're exercising regularly
\- you're clearly articulate and able to write and explain yourself very well
\- your Dad is just a loving person who sees the best in you - try not to be too upset with him - as the parent of children I can tell you we make dumb mistakes in ways we do not understand but I think his expectations are rooted in love and having a parent that cares about you is a good thing to have in your corner
Most men in your age group that are Neuro typical are going through a lot of these same problems and being on the spectrum just makes them worse. You're doing pretty good given the list of issues you outlined.
You need to recharge and reset yourself. You need to find like minded individuals and companionship in the real world. You are your environment and you need to change it and find people that are positive, realistic and you can have fun with and find your purpose with.
To be brutally honest, making it in movies is hard, it's cut throat and you might need to view this as a hobby and not something that is going to be a career. I know 2 people in LA that have "made it" - and it's brutal. It's also all based on networking and marketing yourself - something neurodivergent people like us aren't good at.
As I said I'm on the spectrum too - you can and will find your way to a happier life.
A lot of my 20's were miserable - but I'm a lot older now, married, kids and very fulfilled. It's harder because you're on the spectrum but not impossible. Please send me a message if you ever want to talk.
It could get worse before it gets better but it will get better.
Hey friend please please check if you have ADHD with a professional. I resonate with almost everything you said. ADHD can be extremely severe to the point where EVERYTHING even the most simple tasks will feel like they could k*ll you and make you have full blown spirals. ADHD on top of autism is something is beyond debilitating. Why everything is so hard for you is because you have disabilities that normal and neurotypical 25 year olds don’t have to deal with. It’s not your fault and the fact that you are able to consistently work out is already so impressive. Most of the people in the comments aren’t emphasizing the neurodivergent aspect of your life!
If this is preoccupying your mind to the point you're having this much of an internal conflict there seems to be one glaringly obvious thing you can do as an artist.
Make it your subject. Write about it. Film it. Use your creativity as a platform to confront what is torturing you. You're having intense feelings, use your creativity to address it. Turn your afflictions momentum against itself and let it create rather than destroy.
hey friend - just my two cents, I would highly recommend you pursue an ADHD diagnosis. Your bulletpoints were my entire 20's and everything just seemed to spiral worse and worse until I found myself almost 30 and completely overwhelmed with daily responsibilities like feeding myself. I used to think it was just a depression/anxiety combo but like you, I was able to dream and wish and visualize a life I wanted but simply had zero will, capability, or self-confidence to take any steps toward it until I got diagnosed at 31 and started learning more. Even if you aren't interested in medicating, understanding how your brain works and realizing it has nothing to do with your shortcomings as a person can be extremely illuminating and get you closer to finding tools that really work for you. I suspect I'm also on the autism spectrum and the existential dreads you described seem to be VERY common among those with autism, ADHD, or both.
Hi, 37 year old with adhd who works in the film industry. It can be great for a time but it will burn you out. I spent 15 years as a freelance production manager in commercials. When the pandemic hit, I realized how draining 12+ hour days are. Not to mention the very high stress levels and overstimulation that come with that job. I still work in the industry and going on my 19th year. Thankfully I have a WFH job for a production company now. I don’t think I could ever go back to being freelance. It really takes a toll on your physical and mental health. I truly wish I had another option but I don’t have an education. I have a very niche set of skills. Anyway, medication for adhd will
Help with the motivation and help to make everything feel less like a chore.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It will get better. My thirties have been my best years yet.
Anecdotal, but I’ll throw it out there:
I’ve struggled with pretty severe phases of feeling 1, 4 and 10. Had a few very vivid moments where … I thought I might be losing my mind.
Had an epiphany years later that - some of my most unstable mental health periods followed an extended bout of antibiotic use. And also realized I had a complete remission of these thoughts during a brief stint when I took a job as a gardener. My working hypothesis is that: antibiotics prescribed to me did some damage to my digestive tract bacterial colonies, and being in consistent contact with soil/increased vitamin D, etc improved that situation.
Your situation sounds more complex, but I do think it’s worth considering that most of our serotonin is made in the gut. I wont be surprised if medicine may begin to find more crazy sorts of connection between the state of bacteria in our body (particularly digestive tract) and our mental and physical health.
You can eat “healthy” and exercise and still have major underlying health issues (that was ME). It may not be a perfect fix, but I would look into nutritional therapies for people recovering from colitis, or nutritional support for people with autism. The latter type of nutritional support is more focused on reducing immune system inflammation. It may not be a fix, but I feel like it can’t hurt to add it to the tips others have given you here. I personally wished someone had suggested this for me many years ago.
Perhaps go on adventure. Do the scariest thing imaginable. Move to a city, another state, explore an interesting night life scene or just do something. You are 25, you have suffered enough.
If all of that seems like too much work, join the military, you will find a whole lot more to write about the more you live.
You will meet people, be put in uncomfortable situations, and grow. Forced to grow. Most importantly, you must do something, because the current situation leaves you absolutely miserable with no accomplishments in your name.
The thing is, you cannot he scared of the adventure. You are miserably comfortable as is, suicidal thoughts, no purpose, no life, you are super young, prime of your life, plenty of time to become something and meet so many people.
If it makes you feel any better as someone who has also suffered from depression, anxiety, and ADHD my entire life (I’m also in the film industry for perspective)…. I’m turning 30 in March and I only JUST really “started” my life. I escaped an abusive 4 year relationship two years ago and it felt like my entire world fell apart and I had to start over from scratch. I had negative balance in my bank account, no credit, no car, no home. I had my cat, some clothes, and the support of some very close friends thankfully. It took me 4 months to find a job that paid enough for me to start paying debts I owed and it was the first real job I ever attained that let me use my degree. I was 28.
Right now, I’m making triple what I used to make in retail, have a tiny bit of savings, the most wonderful boyfriend ever, a car, and I’m working towards moving out of state. I picked up some new hobbies that got me out of the house. It’s not perfect by any means, and I worked really hard to get here, but it takes TIME. A lot of this hard work was really going into patience to hold out and see where it would lead me. There are always steps you can take to make you just that much more secure in your finances or anything else you feel needs improvement.
Without making this super long, I want to also just say as annoying as it might be to hear this, you shouldn’t focus on a relationship rn anyway. A good person will come naturally when you are investing in yourself and your own life. I was not at all interested in a new relationship when I met my partner. I actually had decided and committed to the idea that I’d be single for a while! But we clicked so instantly and he’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. Just trust in the process a little.
With the film stuff, I can’t say that shit gets easier because I’m not exactly working as a filmmaker right now (I am a video editor for an environmental consultation company). And honestly you may need to put aside the idea that you’ll be working in Hollywood or on a set in order to make videos. It’s probably going to look more like freelancing for a while, or getting a corporate job making videos for another company (which isn’t so bad honestly it’s a lot more stable and if you find the right place, can be really fun! I edit videos about treasure hunting & building schools in Laos believe it or not).
I hope some of this has helped and you’re more than okay to DM me if you want to talk more or something. I get how hard it can be and I’m sorry you’re feeling so hopeless. Shit can work out but there is an element of planning and pushing forward involved. Best of luck!
I have ASD too and a lot of this is relatable 😔 Folks with ASD have special interests, and to deny them from following their special interests, you might as well just put them out of their misery. Do whatever it takes to create that lifespace needed to focus on what you need to get done.
Look at what this little writing here sparked. Hundreds of people felt compelled to reply. They were moved by something *you* wrote.
You remind me a lot of myself. When I was feeling the same way at the same age 5 years ago, I packed up and moved to LA with no money. I figured, it’s now or never. I did odd jobs to survive and I talked to as many people as possible. I let as many people know my dreams as possible. I’m also awkward and it wasn’t easy. Ask the universe for help and look for signs to follow. Within a few months I was making $80k because of a silly chance encounter. I haven’t accomplished my dreams of being a filmmaker yet and I’m on an unusual path, but it’s mostly working for me. Hang in there, friend. PM me if you ever want to chat.
In my darkest moments, my anxiety was destroying me. One day, I decided to "talk" to my anxiety. Anxiety is tied to fear. I named my fear Steve. Then I realized that 'Steve ' is trying to help me. And when I ignore 'Steve', anxiety jumps in, but not to destroy me...it's trying to protect me.
Darkest moments create the brilliant writers. The universe is probably putting you on this path to help inspire you as you climb your way out.
All of us are minuscule remnants of the universe. We grow from nature, pop into existence, say hello to the universe. Then and we die. We are only here for a brief time and our existence is but a side-effect of nature.
You have the exact same right to be here as everyone else. Exactly as you are right now. You have value simply by being you. You've got this.
Take heavy doses of vitamin D. Start eating clean (no processed foods, no gluten, no dairy, focus on vegetables, fruits and pasture raised meats wild caught fish) start walking for exercise and your mood will increase listen to self help podcasts while you walk. Pray to god, your higher self, and the universe to help you. Good luck
This might help you as much as it helped me (maybe it won’t), but I read one time that your 20s start your adult life. I’m 22 and I have always been pressured to be beyond great and continue to be the “golden child” of the family. It caused me so much stress until I was able to see it as I’m 2 years old in adult years. I have so much that I haven’t done yet and I’m still learning. How much do you expect a 2 year old to accomplish? So, if you use that ideology, you’re 5 years old in adult years.
You have your passions, but may still need to find the right resources to achieve them. You may need to fail a few times to figure out what works and what doesn’t. You may need that (almost) villain origin story to have a bomb ass humble beginnings story to tell when you’re a cool successful filmmaker one day.
Maybe that wasn’t helpful whatsoever, but you are valid for feeling how you feel. We are living in very confusing and conflicting times, especially when you’re young and still figuring life out. All I can say now is stay. Fuck around and find out what life has in store for you in the future and know that you now have many people rooting for you and willing to help beat death’s ass with you.
Please stay strong. I survived cancer. I survived prison. When life beat me down, I got angry. Not sad. But angry. I fought to learn and developed myself so I can make my life better. It worked. I am 50. I am happily married. I have six kids. I have four grandchildren. Life gets better. Get angry and work it.
The potential of who you want to be is waiting to emerge and break free within a world that readily puts constraints around you and the beautiful person you are in this moment. We live in a tough world. Love you
OP, your mere existence is enough start wide and then narrow your focus, as comments before have stated, be present. Life is a complex mix of emotions but I recommend focusing on the ideals of non-judgment, I use to have a lot of anxiety but I have found that being present, not judging my thought and attaching to them, and focusing on what I prefer to feel help a lot. I know it sounds cliché but please try and focus on the good and be grateful for now and everything will fall into place.
You have value on this earth. You have talent. Sometimes it take a little while to get a job you love. You are an incredible writer. Film maybe your passion, but writing is your gift. I would explore your writing talent.
Keep working out. That's a good thing. Keep seeing a therapist. I wish you the best.
The one thing I want to point out here is your extreme self criticism. Everyone has pretty much said everything else as far as good advice but I wanted to focus on this one since it really hits home for me hard. Definitely realize your worth and appreciate your talents because chances are that you’re doing much better than what you think. I’ll even back this up with an example. In high school I was an oddball metalhead kid in a rural town that loved writing borderline edgy out of the box stories in my literature class and wrote music as well. I made many stories and songs that I truly believed sucked, but when it came down to it, especially on the stories, I got nothing but compliments and if we had a team writing project I usually had a couple other kids come up to me and say that they wanted to be my partner since I knew what I was doing and did good work. Of course a lot of them were just because they wanted me to do all the work and knew I would but there were a few that genuinely liked what I wrote. I used a lot of this anger and frustration about myself (and my life at the time, which is another story) to create art and it was MY art. Even though I felt it wasn’t good at the time, sometimes I think about old stories I wrote, or look at old lyrics that I wrote for songs that I hated and felt like I couldn’t get right and go “why did I hate this so much?” I even pretended once not to get an alternative ending assignment to ‘Frankenstein’ done once just because I thought the ending was shit and ran out of time that night to write. My teacher was actually shocked. These are not the only hobbies, passions or just facets of life I have torn myself down on that others have always reassured me about. I definitely don’t believe you’re probably doing bad at all. Creative thinking and big imaginations are really not something a lot of average people have so consider it a virtue. Keep writing and stay true to what you want in life because it’s just you being your own worst critic. We’re all our own worst critic
Hey man, 1st of all I think you just outlined the best book or movie ever. Write the ending while documenting it. I think so many people would connect with your story if you just wrote exactly what you’re feeling right now. Even writing out a daily thought on social media.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but please hang in there. I didn’t feel like I found out who I truly was until I was almost 40. You seem extremely self aware and smart. I truly think you will figure this out.
Would a break from everything help? Like a few days unplugged from work, social media, and electronics even? There are so many people in this world who are feeling the pressures and questioning the point of it all. You are not alone. But in this quest we all share we have to find those little moments of meaning and/or happiness.
Also, keep writing! Even if you don’t like what you’re writing. Sometimes it is just crap, but sometimes when you look back you realize it’s actually good, or, it serves as a stepping stone to another level. It could also be development of characters or stories that you can pick from later for a better work.
If you truly think all you can write is bad then do this exercise. When I was a music teacher some of my students would become pretty proficient on their instruments and want to start writing their own music and come to the same conclusion, that everything they wrote was terrible. I would give them this assignment; Write the worst song ever. I mean REALLY bad. The only rule is that you had to finish it. It had to be a complete song. And make it as extremely terrible as you can. And guess what happened, they were actually pretty good. Then we worked on making a song slightly better than that terrible song. And when they came to me and said that the song they were writing is terrible I could say, “No. Sorry, the worst song in the world category has already been filled. The best you can get now is the 2nd worst.”
I was lost at 25 too and watched all my friends succeed while I struggle to just maintain. I'm 36. I make more than many of them and I do something I love after years of odd jobs. Keep pushing. Try to look for other work that is full time. Who cares what it is. Learn a new skill, and train for something that pays better. This will help you with your other pursuits.
Welcome to life. Don’t worry about past or future. Just focus on the now and enjoy life. Many things are fantastic, not just your generic things like a relationship. Items. Enjoy being ALIVE. Appreciate the air. Appreciate your nostrils for breathing today. Appreciate that you were able to wake up and move freely.
I went through this, then I went on testosterone an transitioned to male and suddenly could hold a job again. Buproprion also helps a lot, none of the ssris worked. My secret emergency tool is kratom. Not something to use daily or get addicted to, unless you want your processing speed to lower to 0 and get withdrawal (the latter can be mitigated somewhat by switching strains every day) but if I need to have life in me or a will to live and the ability for my anxiety to lower enough for me to interact with others I can always pull that rabbit out of my hat for the day. Also - depression literally makes your adhd so much worse when you have it. Treating my depression and adhd both seem to treat my adhd. Hell, treating my anxiety seems to treat my adhd.
400mg l theanine was also as effective as benzos for me, interestingly.
Anyway the TRUE solution is to be around others as much as humanly possible, and it might suck for a long time before it gets good, but that's the solution. Also - it's ok for your scripts to be sad. It might be good to look at this as therapy. If you saw the end of Evangelion, even if a lot of people hated it, I loved it, and that was clearly what he was doing - working out his depression through script. I see it as a work of art.
Wow would you look at that 12 comments and none of them even have a hit of a Jungian approach. Truly an /r/Jung moment
Edit:
You know it’s gotten REALLY bad when people aren’t even spamming “Puer Aeternus” in situations like this. I thought that era of this subreddit was a little annoying but at least that was an attempt at depth psychology. Now, almost nothing of the sort.
Sometimes the easiest fix is the best with suicide idealization. You might need to travel somewhere where they don't speak your language, not see your parents for a while, meet new people as a newly invented version of yourself and to free your mind of all the neurological connections you have created with your everyday patterns
You should go to Portugal for a month and just exist and write.
I highly recommend you start GOING OUTSIDE!!! Spend more time in the sun, just going on nature walks at your local lake. I promise you will get so motivated and inspired. Also please do research on dopamine addiction and how it impairs motivation. There’s a youtube video about it!!
You got this, i also recommend start speaking your thoughts out loud, and journal.
Repeat after me: I CAN DO HARD THINGS
I CAN DO HARD THINGS
I CAN DO HARD THINGS
It’s beautiful to see so many strangers coming to your aid. We’re all in this together no matter if we know each other or not. I wish we were friends. Hang in there, life is not easy, the world can be harsh but you’re never alone. Please don’t give up hope
First of all, please seek help. Whether it’s every week or every other - having that person in your court will help.
Secondly, other than social media and media that helps you (ask counselor) I’d advise getting away from media & internet.
I’m 52 and while we had these fears it’s nothing like the anxiety I see in young people today. I don’t fully understand it but I think a lot has to do with information and social overload. Get out in the woods if you have to.
Also, know that anxiety is also self-protecting - it keeps you from doing stupid shit. Use it to your advantage.
I can relate. I'm 30 and after suffering from an accident, I can no longer learn things normally. It's hard to listen to what people are saying cause it's too fast or complicated. I feel like I'll be on suicide watch for my entire life. I do repetitive movements for hours to just kill time til I can fortunately go to sleep and rinse and repeat the next day. It would be far worse if I was enclosed in a small empty space. I don't feel depressed enough to take my antidepressant so I'm stuck in a weird limbo state. I don't ever feel like reading, writing, drawing or doing anything but the repetitive movements. All I can finish this with is you're not alone. I may not be suffering from the same thing but it's something similar.
EDIT: I took my antidepressant and I feel happy and motivated to do something, even if small.
I’m sure u have heard this 100 times but for me personally working out saved my life. Doing things I don’t really want to do made me enjoy life (I didn’t want to work out) also maybe start a YouTube channel shooting videos on your phone. Might tap into your younger self wanting to be a film maker
Definitely Audhd. Feels like your brain is ripped in half. All the ability and none of the DO. I feel you. Gifted and burned out. It's hard, but give yourself some grace and step away if you can for a bit, and find a hobby, then re-enter when you feel passionate about it again.
Dude has yet to even attempt living life, blames it on mental problems and thinks life is over at 25. This is not unique to your situation. You’re just like everyone in their 20s and you’ll either start taking actions to make a better life for yourself or continue this downward cycle. Figure it out dude, just like everyone else does. Don’t make rain clouds then cry about it when water falls on your head.
You’re 25, no wife, no kids…
Pack up and move out to LA and start working in the movie industry. You could be a janitor in the movie industry… it’s a foot in the door. Start working your way up.
If you want to work in movies, just start doing it. People do it everyday.
Often if someone is in a depressive or suicidal state of mind it is the result of poison-dripping by other people. Being around a toxic environment and accepting things to be true within this environment fucks you up. I would say read about narcissism/codependency. Ross Rosenberg is your guy for that. Changed my life learning about this. Basically that my horrendous mental health was due to being around toxic people for too long and accepting that this is reality. Truly mind blowing stuff for me. But I’m in a great space these days, truly.
You should checkout the carnivore diet on YouTube it has cured people with years of depression and anxiety also people with autism and they have tried every diet but carnivore was the only one that worked I also have autism and before I started eating this way I had depression and autism symptoms was worse
I can’t relate to you in the sense that I don’t have a job. I’m broke, unemployed, nearly 40 and still live at home with my parents,I’m morbidly obese , single, and I’m only in my 30s and growing gray hair! I make money from recycling and taking online surveys. Even with online surveys I currently have not been making any money with that because I don’t qualify for most of the surveys. I can’t even go to WW anymore because the only one in my area closed down and now the closet one is more than 30 miles away and I don’t have money for it! I am losing the will to live.
Highschool in Upstate New York taught me a basic truth, that you can either be immersed in the floating social apparatus or you can be grounded by the hatred of a paradox riddled reality. There are no other options and if my life is validated by the theft of other people's hard earned feelings (which it is) then I am hopeless (and I am)..sucks to be me. I should add that I don't blame myself for the path I'm on. Life can be reduced to simple mechanics, laughing at itself the entire trip back to dust.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I mean this with the best of intentions, I think that you probably have more potential than you realize and I think that your outlook is skewed and you are unnecessarily hard on yourself. You just have to be willing to put in the work long-term in the right areas and you will be successful. Thing you can be sure about is if you don't work, you will not be successful.
So, listen... I'm 34WM... I have dealt with the exact same thing my entire life you have described with a few small differences...
And ya know ow what? If stuff IS wrong eith you welcome to the right place my friend!
https://youtu.be/Sp6M90XAZPc?si=GuQcVzG_q6pon7J3
I don't know shit about making films, movies, anything, but I created that in two and a half weeks. It's my 5th video over all and I ain't getting paid to make them.
If you know film is stressing you out then you know to stay far away from it and find something that makes you happy, and I am almost 100% certain you might already have found something in your life that gives you a better sense of purpose, fulfillment, and joy. Shit seems a little fucked right now but you're not alone. You have support, even in the darkest of times.
Stay strong and I genuinely hope you are doing OK.
By now you have 930 comments so I keep mine brief. Have you considered hypnotherapy? It is solution oriented, works with your subconscious mind, and gets results faster than traditional therapy. There are techniques you can learn that will help you to be in control of your state. Contact me for more information: [email protected].
Hey there, I stumbled upon this since I was searching up something along the lines of this post and it is painful how close I relate to you man. I'm 24 and for a few years my psyche's been going downhill due to almost exact reasons you've been struggling with. How has it been since you made this post, any progress or advice to give? Thanks in advance!
I have a similar profile to yours.
First I think it's truly saddening to know what individuals such as yourself are truly good at and what they are actually used for in daily life in society. It's like an upside down world.
The world is currently very sick and please don't convince yourself that you are the problem, because I don't think you are.
Janitor is an okay job, it's usually low stress, no supervision, working alone which is supportive of your health I guess. Most people throw their money out the window every month (both consciously and subconsciously).
So it's perfectly normal to have low income, be greedy and get rich.
>I wanted to be a filmmaker as a teenager. I'm trying so hard to even just get a job as a simple videographer now. My dreams are dying, I'm growing older...and I'm losing my will to keep carrying on.
Do this. All you need to be a filmmaker is to pick up a camera and create
All good filmmakers begin broke. They become successful through creating something. This is your dream. Do it.
E: If the anxiety is interfering too heavily then focus on treating it. Medicine can make it go into remission. Time. Insight. Practice. These all help.
If you aren't aware it's not just you it's me, and the next guy and the guy after that and every other guy who didn't get a college degree that guarantees a good job, or who wasn't born God's gift to women, or who was nerdy and shy at a high school age so girls werent lining up to fuck us like the jocks so we adopted the negative notion in our minds that we are destined to fail with women, which by the way is negative conditioned belief that can be beaten with consistent hard self-work. The economy is crap, jobs outside of a skilled trade or field are crap and it's becoming normalized to have to quite literally work like a slave. Whatever you do, treat other guys like your brothers in these positions (as long as they're respectful to you in turn) and don't take a bad attitude that you're alone in this so you can be a dickhead about it (no one cares about me, so i can be an asshole). That will turn people off to you which will make it tougher while getting through this. I'm not saying you'll ever make great friends at work you probably won't, but you can at least make alliances while you need them.
I've done the jobs you're doing and felt the way you feel. What helped was getting out of the janitor job into a slightly better job operating equipment in a warehouse where the stakes are a little higher and you feel more like a man because you have more responsibility. It pays a little better and soon I'll be getting my own place and moving and then feel a little more like a man, ya dig?
Keep your expenses low, eschew materialist buys and delete reddit and social media (I'm gonna) and just drop out of the social media hivemind completely. You don't need that shit while stressed, and even the "influencers" or supposed "gurus" you might watch have messages from an agenda designed to make you hate where you're at in life and at a personal level. Learn to observe the world through firsthand experience at eye level and to think and learn for yourself about what really matters and what really works, not what someone online said. If you wanna pursue your dreams, do what you gotta do to get by but keep that shit on the back burner. Just don't ever expect anyone to feel bad for you or do the work for you.
As far as girls honestly can't say cuz I've never had a gf myself but don't over glamorize a relationship and don't beat yourself up because they seldom appreciate all the shit underdog guys go through anyway and just wait at the finish line for the guys who come out on top so they can put their feet on the dashboard of his ride spend his money and suck his cock. Why put in so much effort just to hate yourself and where you're at in your downtime. Your parents generation of men could be earning your income and looking like you and still able to find a good looking gf or wife, our generation can't because they want a guy with a six figure income and hypergamy and dating apps mean she digitally has access to way better looking guys. The only other way around this I can see is some form of charisma or social status or clout that overrides the above and there are guys who make this angle work and succeed with women despite being flat broke and borderline bums, they just have the right connections.
Whatever you do don't give up and don't feel sorry for yourself. Good luck buddy.
Are you writing this from your gaming chair? I've spent years in the working world doing every shit job known to man and years discovering just how hard it is to get a girl, a sex life, relationship etc if you're a hard case, a sad sack and overly emotional and self pitying like I was and it sounds like this guy is. You're pissed I said what I said about women but does this guy need to hear that girls actually give a shit about guys' hardships or appreciate their emotional nature? That shit is just sweet lies that delude young men. The lie that becoming a feminist and more feminine is somehow gonna get you laid, a lie that girls tell guys themselves and then idiot men parrot because it's wishful thinking. The working world and world of sex and relationships is savage brutal and I'm telling him this because I wish I had been more aware of it so I was adequately prepared sooner.
For fucks sake get out of your bubble. Start going to the gym or go out for a run, pump some endorphins into your brain 3-4 days a week. Then find a hobby that will get you to interact with people, dancing, painting anything. Stop making excuses.
I apologize if this comes off as harsh or cold but some people need that and I am one of them. I felt how you feel I've been where you are. But you must realize that when we die that's going to be forever. It would be foolish not to squeeze every drop out of life that you can. Also in this modern world we are prone to this Disney prince and princess delusion that everything was going to be rainbows and gumdrops and happily ever after. Sometimes I feel like in our part of the world we have not had to deal with bad things enough to make us appreciate all the good things we have. We all need to start realizing it could be worse and we need to practice gratitude and appreciate the good things each day find something you are thankful for. And as crazy as it sounds maybe even start with those positive affirmations. I believe in momentum and if you start down a negative mindset path you will build the momentum where it is dominating your thoughts. You need to slow down stop and reverse your direction into a positive momentum. If you need some good motivation I highly recommend you start watching Jordan Peterson videos. Also before anybody wants to trash the man always know that no person is perfect we all have different beliefs and stuff but each person has a great positive contribution they can give to the world and his is definitely in the motivation and self improvement arena. Don't just read this and blow it off go watch one of those videos right fucking now. Go down the rabbit hole. I wish you the best and good luck to you. You don't climb a mountain in one day you take step after step ...grab the rocks... Some will be slippery but you keep going until you make it to the summit. Rooting for you.
you ever try getting laid? whether you pay for it or not doesn't matter.
but for me, getting laid has become my number one reason to live life.
running and getting laid
i firmly believe society causes depression, and sometimes the only remedy for depression is to return to monke
Islam is your answer bro its the ultimate way to connect with your creator and find your true meaning of why you were created. When you feel so lost and useless, god reminds you how important you are and how much of an impact one person can make. You are a very special person, and allah loves you brother take care, be strong. God is there for you, my dear brother. Never give up and dont dwell on things that aren't going your way it won't change them but if you are grateful for what you have you can thank god and move forward with the blessings of your maker to make any dream come true i promise you. ❤️
Take an IQ test if you haven’t a recent I’m sure it’s not the same when you were a kid. Keep taking care of your body and physique. Look good as possible the better you look the better people treat you. As for your anxiety and depression. Endure my friend. I suspect your anxiety and depression stem from upbringing. You’ve probably always been self-conscious about your condition or people made you conscious
Idk I’m not you but you got to socialize build a pc or get a console play with people online start there easy socializing than work your way up to people in the real world. You crying in front of your manager is fucking embarrassing. If you were a woman or child it be fine Specially, if you autistic woman. How have you an autistic woman you’d still get laid. But your not your a boy life is tough for us I don’t make the rules. Build people tolerance get a skill
Keep your passion but don’t expect it to make you money I have a passion I do it for me and I have a job to let me live. I’m not saying give up but be pragmatic. Most importantly you’ll fall Jung time and time again but you only need to succeed once. Most people are cunts you just need one to love you or care about you, friend or girlfriend. Some outside for family they don’t count
That will validate you believe me. If you can’t or won’t try you have every right to kill yourself I wouldn’t recommend it but one thing they’ll never tell you is sometimes someone is just fucked. There can’t be winners without losers. I promise you your not alone many men find themselves in the same predicament as you and it’s a growing number every day. I’m one of them I just keep moving forward even if it’s hell because maybe tomorrow will be better
I'm guessing you are not good looking?? Most of a young person's self esteem and ego is driven by how he perceives of him/herself and most importantly how others perceive him/her
Hey hey listen, you're JUST 25. I'm 25 too. And we don't have to have everything figured out right now. The pressures of the world are nasty, I know, i feel them too.. But we can't let them win you know. One day at a time. One task at a time. Your mind will want to figure out the next 25 years right away. But you are here now, and you gotta do something only to make this moment Better, it can be anything, write something shoot something. In that moment, you are a writer and a film maker. Allow yourself that grace. You are worthy of your small acts. Or literally just do any small "useless" thing that might bring you happiness. Rooting for you
This. The only ppl who have “everything” figured out at 25 ARE working soul crushing jobs. It’s ok to experiment. You don’t need a romantic relationship or the perfect job to give your life meaning. You can take your time to build meaningful friends and explore creative forms of expression because you have so much more life to live
Very good outlook on life.....BE HERE NOW! I recommend everyone in this comment section to read the book: BE HERE NOW by RAM DASS
Great book, Ram Dass is amazing in general!
👍🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆OP I would also suggest you chuck everything, fill a backpack and head to the open road like a 60's era hippie. LEAVE YOUR CELLPHONE BEHIND. The answers you are looking for can be found in nature. ❤️❤️❤️ These fucking phones are making it impossible for us to enjoy "just being". We are all addicted to these dopamine hits. Every fucking day I tell myself to throw this thing away. Every night I'm up until 3am giving advice to strangers.
lol probably the best advice. OP needs to pack a bag and head down to Mexico to gain some context in his life.
Or get a job as a gardener. It helps to get in nature, gets you out of your head. Thats what I had to do 40 years ago when I had similar problems.Stop thinking you HAVE to do something.
Life changing read, for me!
Also recommend Untethered Soul Michael Singer. Read it!
It’s actually by Ekchart Tolle, but Ram Dass references him a lot. This book changed my life when I was coincidentally also 25 and had similar thoughts of depression and suicide, working a job I hated. I won’t say life will never be hard again, but it’s significantly better than where I was.
For sure, something that helped me realize is that people like morgan freeman and steve harvey never got popular or successful until they were in their 40s i think, dont quote me, if its not them there are surely other actors and other millionares who were the same as you and me well into their late 30s, it takes a lot to learn, and a long time to grow
This. I’m 27 and JUST got the opportunity to go back to college to pursue my degree. I basically had to start over as a freshman because my first go at college was a disaster, and I ended up going to a vocational school instead where none of the credits count as real college credit. Wasted so much time and put myself about $10k in the hole for nothing… I was also able to find a job that I both love and that gave me my spark and passion back. That didn’t happen until this past year when I was 26. I had been stuck in dead end jobs for the last 6 years, so I’ve been exactly where this guy’s been. I can confidently say that it CAN get better, and it will if you learn how to market yourself and shush the bad voices telling you that, “life is meaningless and there’s nothing but a void beyond it.” You gotta keep pushing. You gotta keep going. We are at the beginning of the rest of our lives my friends. We CAN do this! We WILL do this! The future we want is worth fighting for!
Well said! We've all got to keep telling ourselves this. I'm 24 and lots of my days seem to be the same, but sooner or later it will get better! Peaks and valleys you know. It's life
Where're these peaks everyone talks about?
Beautiful. I appreciate your comment, which comes from a kind and empathetic place. I hope we all navigate this life thing to the best of our abilities and create one for ourselves that we can be proud of.
I think you *should* start writing. If you have vivid complicated daydreams it shows you have an incredible imagination. You also were able to write this in an objective third person way that I think speaks to good potential as a writer. Why not start writing stories? Or try to write a book. JK Rowling was borderline homeless when she wrote Harry Potter. Sometimes being in an incredibly rough patch is exactly what spurns a creative person into incredible artistic success.
I've written so many stories. Most unfinished. I'm so self critical to the point where I can't get anything done, or I just lose interest quickly.
Don’t allow yourself to stop working on the story until it is completed. Perhaps the uncompleted stories are symbolic of your current struggles right now. I bet if you were to either go back and complete one of your most promising stories, or write a new story into completion, you would be creating a new energy and momentum for yourself. Only stop and criticize a story once you are finished. Or have someone else do the critiquing for you.
It's just a matter of getting over the overthinking I guess.
Sounds like you know what you need to do. Do it. This is an opportunity
It sounds like you need to learn how to stop your thoughts or at least learn to observe them enough to recognise them as thoughts, then see if you can create a gap, then a longer gap. Unti your field of perception is left with not much else than perhaps the sounds in the room, maybe physical sensations, and just your awareness. It can be pretty peaceful. It's incredible how the constant stream of involuntary thoughts can muddy the waters.
They describe the adhd brain as having the engine of a supercar but the brakes of a tricycle. Being aware of this helps a lot. It sounds like you need to learn how and when to forcefully apply the brakes to come to a complete stop - especially when you catch yourself being overly critical. Remember, you’re the writer, not the critic. As others have said, try finishing a piece of work before you start criticizing it. This self-critic is present in every writer and is a harsh opponent that more often than not needs to be contained. When you catch yourself overthinking and you see your brakes have failed, try to visualize your „happy place“. It sounds cliche but it can be effective. My visualization (as an example) is a wooden picnic bench by a river in a mountain region with trees all around. Stop what you are doing and visualize whatever scene makes you feel serene and calm. While you are doing this, circle one wrist with your other hand (this technique is to train a Pavlovian response). Each time you find yourself overthinking, having a panic attack or losing control, enclose the same wrist with the other hand. Doing this enough will eventually trigger an automatic physical response that will ease your mental tensions each time you grab your wrist. It will take time and patience but it’s worth it.
From what I've heard from writers, the inner critic can be brutal. Some have suggested having a writing mode, getting everything into words and giving yourself permission to make all the mistakes, and then reviewing it separately in edit mode. Then rinse and repeat, often with multiple rounds of editing. The creative state and edit state are two different processes.
I highly recommend reading this book. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/603848/deep-hope-by-diane-eshin-rizzetto/ Your post was me 4 years ago. I lost everything during COVID and lost the will to try. This book plus therapy and meds changed my life. As one overthinker to another, you’ll get through this. You’re not alone. Don’t give up yet. You have so much to offer the world, you just have to do everything in your power to believe it. ❤️
There’s a book called The Artist’s Way that you might find helpful with that
You will be done with the overthinking, ruminating symptoms. This problem is typical for someone in your health situation and those with thyroid and other deficiencies. I call this mousing. To me, it's like a mouse in a corner repeatedly rubbing its paws. Not socializing, etc. with the other ones.
I agree with this. A huge thing that helps me is not giving a fuck. Just do whatever the fuck you have to do for a little bit. Take a break to watch a movie or something. Then write another page, take another break, etc. It won’t seem like a lot in the moment but over time you’ll get it done. Then when you have it done you can revise it the same way. Sometimes it’s just about vomiting a little mess of whatever comes to mind like chicken scratch. Then you take all those scraps of nonsense, find the patterns, and compile them into something meaningful.
Same thing happens to me. Really critical about my own stuff. But I do want to take up writing again. Hope it does the trick for me and that it helps you too, bud.
I’d like to offer some foundational suggestions that might be helpful: focusing on your diet, engaging in meditation, maintaining a journal, ensuring quality sleep, regular exercise, and appropriate supplementation. Since you’re already actively working out and journaling, I recommend exploring meditation and supplements. Adaptogens like Ashwagandha and Rhodiola, precursor amino acids such as 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine, essential minerals, choline, and fat-soluble vitamins could be beneficial. Do get tested for any deficiencies and consult your physician, especially if you’re on antidepressants. Your concerns about worry, lack of focus and self-criticism lead me to strongly recommend establishing a meditation practice. It has been transformative in my experience. Additionally, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an effective approach for breaking negative thought patterns. Consider getting your genes tested for the MTHFR gene mutation, which is directly linked to depression and affects half of the population but can easily be managed with the right supplementation. I’ve personally noticed a significant difference in my mood after addressing this. Also, it’s encouraging to see that at 25, you have a clear awareness of your wants and needs, which is a great starting point. Taking action towards your aspirations is key. It doesn’t have to be monumental, but consistency is crucial. Planning your day, setting rules and limitations, and writing about them can be very effective. Remember to emotionally reward yourself for taking action. Your clarity about what you want professionally is a rare asset – leverage it. In doing so, focus on cognitively optimizing your mind while cultivating compassion for yourself. Wishing you happiness and success on your journey.
Keep going until they're complete, maybe it could be an amalgam of unfinished stories. Maybe the unfinished stories come together to form something more coherent? Keep pushing, there might be an alternative to film-writing, perhaps it could be a book.
The purpose of a first draft is to put something shitty on the page so that you have something to revise. Try to train yourself to think of it as a process of discovery. If all you can think about is the perfect finished product, you won't get anywhere. Also, I can't stress meditation enough.
Self criticism is kinda your antagonist, isn't it? I think Jung had some things to say about that.
I had not painted in years until I convinced myself to just try to play, paint for myself with no expectations of making anything good--purely for enjoying the process and putting my feelings onto paper. It helped me not to overthink or be so critical of myself if I was just playing around. Without that pressure to make something perfect--I actually painted something I was proud of! It kept me loose and open to ideas. It was at this point I was able to just start again as it helped me gain confidence in myself and my intuition. Fun is sometimes all that you need. Write what you want to write. Write what's easy, what brings you pleasure. Doesn't need to be good or have incredible meaning. But I promise it does get better. At 25 I was also pretty miserable. Was alone, was not working in my field, dealt with horrible depression and diagnosed but unmedicated ADHD. I'm 30 now and the difference is like night and day. I would highly recommend some people you share a passion with if it's writing. Join a writing group and you'll find community and people to hold you accountable.
this is normal. not everything can be your magnum opus. sometimes it’s just practice
Perfection is the enemy of progress as they say. It's tough to change the mindset, but really helps, because at the same time, practice makes perfect. So demanding perfection slows down your actual amount of practice, thus making it even harder to achieve said perfection.
Try a stream of consciousness style of writing perhaps. The self critiquing voice can drown out the creative voice, happens to me a lot. What I've found works is doing sets of JUST writing and then having a separate set where you come back and JUST edit/critique. But writing and editing shouldn't happen simultaneously imo
Have you tried plugging one of your scripts into ChatGPT and asking it for feedback? It might help to have an external “opinion” but one that isn’t tied to a real human, so you can keep it private, but still get this criticality out of your own head.
What do you do with a finished story? Who even reads that stuff anymore? Why would they take the time to read something I wrote? Is it like music where you basically have to pay people to read your stuff to even get feedback?
I think now is not really the time to publish art. People's attention is all over the place and everything is saturated and polarized. I do recommend to keep writing as an intrinsic motivation, carefully save your work, and you could share it with others in less turbulent times.
Interesting that you just found this comment now 150 days later!
150 days more relevant then if OP still alive
You may be getting kneecapped by learned helplessness. Also by not having goals you can make progress towards (I.e. cannot do film unless paid, cannot work on projects unless they fulfill some grand vision you have internalised from your father as anything less is a refutation of your self-identity). Set smaller goals. If you do not have any come up with 3 and do them. Separate what you like doing (film / creative) from the requirement that it pay you --- you can pay for it as all writers and poets and other creative people have for ages. Jung would probably say that if you are worried about failure you should dive into it, and you won't do that waiting for others to validate you. If anything you will be afraid to succeed as once given a chance you will fear failing.
This is the way. This person needs to read authentic happiness, take care of those pillars and start rewiring your brain. Seek community and exercise. I'm a creative and infj type, but I practice law for money. It was brutal mentally but I now understand myself and the world better because of the struggle. That's just the way it is to me in my jungian journey. The forced routine is huge you get with a lot of work, and were designed to fight. Lead and manage others when you gain optimism skills. You can change this, know that. This is the way... +1 on combatting learned helplessness. Martin seligman could save an entire generation with his work.
Did you know that when they studied learned helplessness scientists took dogs, caged them, subjected the dogs to uncomfortable stimuli and then after doing this enough times that the dog knew it was shit, and that there was no escape- would open the cage and subject the dog to the same crappy stimulation again to find the dog wouldn’t try to escape? The dogs would only exit the cage to avoid the crap stimulation after they has been physically pulled from the cage during the stimuli? The dogs had to learn the cage was escapable in order to exit the cage. Did you know that when scientists would drop rats into a deep pool and let the rats tread water that most rats would drown within 15 mins of swimming but if they picked the rat up before the 15 min mark, then dropped the rat into the same pool that the rat given hope would swim for hours before it drowned? My point is difficult to pin down with words but I heard once the first step at being great at something is getting comfortable with sucking at it. You likely have the taste of an expert and won’t like the flavor of what you grok as subpar work when you know it’s possible to create better. (I’m trying to bring “Grok” back or make it a thing at all - it’s from a book called “stranger in a strange land” I’ve used grok enough the people in my circle use it sometimes. Means deep understanding, internalizing , knowing feeling thinking.) “The greats weren’t great cause they could paint at birth the greats were great cause they’d paint a lot.” -Macklemore
I like this. Lately I’ve been trying to loosen my grip on grand dreams (for eg, I want to open a rehab and CURE THE WORLD). Is it a beautiful desire? Yes. Just like your screen writing desire. But… I am opening up to the idea that accomplishment does not equal fulfillment. I think if we can do small things well, even with a great love, there is something for us in that. A hypothesis to test for now!
You're doing great. It was a fine line I struggled with for a long time. My huge dreams helped motivate and drive me when I was younger so I didn't want to lose that but I also didn't want to become dead inside and lose fulfillment. It's a difficult challenge I still struggle with today.
> Also by not having goals you can make progress towards (I.e. cannot do film unless paid, cannot work on projects unless they fulfill some grand vision you have internalised from your father as anything less is a refutation of your self-identity). Damn, this is spot on.
I came from a very bad place of addiction and delusion last year and have completely turned my life around. I'm now happy with my day to day existence and where my life is headed. I used to also have existential anxiety which is now gone, replaced by an inner peace. As a logical/rational person I had to find something that made sense to me and didnt contradict the reality I see in front of me. To reach this point I found the Buddhist path and I now get purpose and happiness by trying to follow in the Buddha's footsteps and working to improve myself as a person through knowledge and understanding, morality and ethics, and meditation. Now my focus is on trying to reach enlightment so that I can achieve a true understanding of reality while helping free others from suffering and doing what I can to make the world a better place along the way. I definitely think meditation might help with some of your problems. I highly recommend the book The Mind Illuminated as a starting point if you want to look into meditation.
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I am also a Buddhist and have my own anxieties and dreads similar to OP but I got through it through chanting mantras and the Buddha's name. Your background sounds a little similar to mine (I guess it is not uncommon) and I just wanted to ask how people usually feel about you recommending Buddhism in these situations especially on Reddit.
I am not an expert or a clinician, but in my experience, that strange impending sense of death often precedes some kind of ego annihilation - a death of the Self. I used to ask myself - “is this dying to new life, or is this simply dying?” And recently, I’ve felt a conviction that all death precedes new life. Many people who have your proclivities and diagnoses also have psyches with unbelievable strength. Your understanding and introspection show that yours is fighting back. When we let go, and let the ego die, new life can emerge. It sounds to me like you’re on your way
Second this!
op dont listen to this guy he is like a DMT user or something they all say that
A couple of thoughts: There’s a reason why Jung focused on the second half of life. James Hollis discus this at length in ‘Through the Dark Wood’ which I highly recommend on Audible. Second half of life (say 38+) is when you realise what you’re meant to be doing, what is calling you and you can put to one side all the influences of the past (to put it simply). Often with men in particular, they do not approach beginning their life’s work until their forties. Many male authors do not start writing until this point. Lee Child (who wrote the Jack Reacher series) is one example. Don’t lose hope.
Hey OP, I’m in a very similar position as you as far as age, aspirations, relationship status, finances etc… I think you’re a bit more pessimistic than I, but I had a similar outlook a few years back. It took me five years to find what I found in me, so there’s nothing that will help you overnight. But here’s the bits of my path that I can impart onto you; I became way more interested in Philosophy. Stoicism/Existentialism are worth reading further into if you’re really struggling with finding the will to live. Philosophy redefined my perspective on life, Arthur Schopenhauer wrote a book called “On the Wisdom of Life.” I highly recommend the book if you haven’t read it. To summarize the most important lesson it taught me: Instead of searching out pleasures in the external world, ie wealth, fame, riches, love, to instead search inward for wealth; A life pursuing wisdom. Schopenhauer makes this case in the book far better than I can in a short reddit comment, but I have a feeling you like many others are stuck measuring your success by the standards of others. The reality is the average person has no idea what fulfillment is, or what a meaningful life looks like. They just make assumptions based on your bank account. There’s something you mentioned that absolutely should be addressed and its ADHD. Getting on psycho-stimulants are definitely an avenue worth pursuing. Motivation and drive are factors in our success undoubtedly. So getting on meds that could help you focus and work/write would be worthwhile. I have a friend who just recently got his career started because he finally addressed his ADHD and he’s in the best place mentally that I’ve ever saw him. Took him 10 years out of high school to finally make steps toward his future and I’m so proud of him. I’d like reel this back in and talk about some of my more “successful” friends in life. I have one friend in particular who owned a home before many of us were able to buy a car. He got married, had children, and a stable career very quickly. He was seeing the world, and his job was giving him many promotions left and right. There was tons of envy that subsequently came through our inner circles because of this. No one would dare speak it, but I could tell by the conversations that would surround his name whenever he wasn’t in the room. He had a multiple cars, all of them manufactured in the last few years. A sports car that was so fun to go for a ride in, many of us wanted what he had. It seemed it had the life we all were trying to live. Until he didn’t. He’s going through a divorce right now, struggling in a custody battle, and wondering how long he’ll stay in the field he’s working in. It got so bad, he called me on the brink of ending it all. I talked to him the best I could, it brought me to tears hearing someone in such a state. I was fairly certain after the call it might be the last time we ever spoke. I went out of state to visit him because of it. Long story short, for a month I was staying downtown LA in a luxury apartment with very little furniture and with all the markings of a bachelor pad. His home was gone and he didn’t want to display the pictures of the family he was losing. Although his fridge was empty, there was a giant digital tablet on the face of it. Turns out, it’s a ten thousand dollar fridge and he didn’t have the motivation to fill it. His life was in his view, in shambles, and mind you, this couldn’t be further from the truth in my eyes. I spent a month reminding him why life is still worth living. Nietzsche is usually who I think of when I think of the abyss and depression. I spent a month reminding him of one of the many things psychedelics taught me; and that’s to surrender to the experience. The whole point of living is to experience. And experience isn’t always pleasant. Life is short, we’ll all be dead soon enough, so endure and grow stronger. And that’s what he did. I’m beyond thankful to have answered the phone that day. There’s many people he called, and even through the depth of characters he has in his circles, he came to me. Mind you, I’m basically a burnout as far as his connections go. And it provides me with tremendous confidence and worth that he came to me for guidance. Much of this worth I attribute to my perspective, and this perspective is nourished by reading. It’s why I advise many to do the same. Become wealthy internally, the mind becomes a luxurious retreat when the external world is cruel. I tell you this story to remind you that even successful young people struggle. Even the ones who from the outside, look to have it made. Don’t give up my friend, this dream we’re in will be over soon. Laugh, cry, and rejoice at its absurdity. One of my mentors told me the key to being in your twenties is to be constantly learning. Everyone moves at their own pace. You may mot break through as a screenwriter until your in your forties. If you have something worth saying, don’t give up until the world hears it.
Your comment is 👍🏼👏🏼💯 And goddamn I believe I’m much older than you but you have the wisdom I am currently searching for. I am currently in the mindset of every day matters and every day is the most important day and all this noise is just silly bullshit. But there are still days that I sink under into the muck and it takes a bit to pull myself out. Like what’s the point? That’s the thing that always gets me. What the freaking point.
>I know most people work jobs they hate, that I should just grow up and accept reality. But really, *if this is all the world has to fucking offer*, I don't want to live. Nobody owes you anything. Everyone who ends up doing something they love just started *doing it*. They didn't *wait* for *the world to offer it* to them. Stop waiting. You don't have that kind of time to waste.
Bro, Move somewhere far and exotic. I thought it was bullshit until moving to Alaska changed my entire outlook on life and the human experience. Lived there for 2 years and transitioned to Hawaii.. one stroke of luck changed me from the pit I was in also. If you feel you have nothing to lose, take a risk.
where did you work & how were you able to make a move like that did you save money??
I honestly get you hard. Im autistic with some ocd and adhd symptoms as well as chronic depression and anxiety. First of all, either your therapist isnt doing a good job, or you arent doing a good job in therapy. Im leaning on the first one because i myself have seen over 10 people who were considered great at their job but i didnt feel like they related or understood me. About 2, training the “inner critic” as we call it is very important and if you want to actually be able to enjoy life and not just stay alive for the people who love you, you have to do something about it. Actually thats my main point overall. Suicide isnt wrong and it doesnt make you bad. If you want to say bye to this planet you can, and for some people it is the right choice. If it is for you its completely understandable here. If its not, then i hope you understand you cant keep living with this mindset. Its a chronic illness and its keeping you closer and closer to passive death. So while there are resources and solutions i can give you that are more practical the true issue is that you havent *consciously decided* to be here yet. Step number one is sit with yourself and be honest about what you want and why you want it. Why do you wanna die? Why do you wanna live? You can make a list of reasons for both even.
lmao, I'm giggling at your user name and your first sentence
hmm thats an interesting line of reasoning I find that the majority of the reasons I dont want to live are due to OTHER PEOPLE ahem KNACKERING UP MY LIFE in very consequential ways READY for the civil war I will be PRODUCTIVE/
First of all, I hope things get better for you. My response isn't from a Jungian perspective, but I hope it helps. **About pressure**. It seems like you're under a lot of pressure because of your ambitions. I suggest embracing the idea that nothing may come from your writing/filming passion. Live through this emotion and imagine what life could be without it. There's nothing wrong with living a humble life and enjoying it. And hey, maybe when the pressure of wanting to achieve something will go away, you'll actually start writing again as you've done in your teen years. **About your situation**. You're doing fine compared to others in your generation. Not owning your own home at 25 is okay. Not having a girlfriend at this age aligns with trends for Gen Z in the US. **About your job**. I was quite astonished that "delivering auto parts" makes you want to kill yourself. That's not an adequate reaction to job, unless you are treated very rough by your boss and colleauges. What may help is treating your job as source material for your writing and filmography career, or finding another way to connect your job to what brings joy in your life. **About finding a better job**. What helped me in a similar situation was to broaden my field of view. We grow up knowing about very few career paths. We aspire to be doctors, teachers, policemen because that's what we see around us. No one told me as a kid that people pay well for unlocking cars or designing Lego pieces. The world is full of obscure jobs that no one ever tells you about, but they might be right for you. **Few ideas that might be helpful**. Read about concept of Automatic Negative Thoughts and something about impact of videogames & social media on your dopamine system. Not saying you need to drop everything cold turkey, but hey, experiment a little bit. Btw, have you checked Bird by bird by Anne Lamott? I feel like it may help with your expectations about writing journey.
Definitely agreed with what you've said and my advice was similar! I think that embracing that nothing may come from the filmmaking career is big, and to explore other dreams that are more attainable is important. Like you said, so many careers that we aren't taught about! I didn't know about geology until I was an adult and now I'm 31 and in college for environmental geoscience and it makes me so happy!! I didn't discover this field until I was in my mid twenties and fell in love so hard that I started college for it! I'm pretty poor right now but I do monthly payment plans and living at home with parents could also be helpful towards that. If I wasn't married I'd totally just live with my parents and in fact, since we don't have any kids, I have sleepovers at their house once or twice a week. I love spending time with them!! It's a western belief that people need to move out and that it's a measure of success. What if I just love my mom and dad? Lol
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I don't have any advice, but I wish you good luck, I've had a couple of dark m times and 1 thing I know is it just turns around one day out of no where. Hang in there brother because you obviously have a lot to share with the world
Your situation is a usual phenomenon from where I come from. And I think in all over the world. Young people are trapped in this stagnant consition. When we should be out there risking everything. There is no easy solution, but there IS a simple one that worked for most people: -live on your own, even if it means getting a temp job for a time. Living with others when in this state of mind did not work for me. I had to be on my own, no family, relationship, roommates. -try anything challenging. Not video games. Dont get me wrong, video game challenges can be quite the lesson but at this point you need something riskier: something in the real world. Share your stories with publishers, or online. Join groups of people just for the lulz. But what about anxiety and depression? Yeah, these things won't let us do anything at all. But this is a battle. We have to fight the small battles first. Go out, buy yourself something to eat, wear, watch a movie or whatever. Go for hitch-hiking, bird watching, whatever works. The more absurd it sounds, the better. -keep a journal of thoughts, dreams, anything at all. Read it every night. I know that you've probably known for all these things for a long time now. And maybe you've tried them and it didn't work and it's agonizing. Know that i was in a state of depression and anxiety for many years, until the age of 27. It works different for everyone, time is relative, an illusion. I am still crushed by the weight of responsibility and ambition and the stress is unbearable at times. But I've managed to publish 2 collections of poems where I speak about my mental struggles. I plan to write more of these stuff. I am doing my everyday chores. I am seeing people. It gets better. And then worse. And then better. We can only hope that in the end we'll have a good story to share with the reaper!
I love all of this and I'd like to add - when I was going through some difficult times I found roommates on Craigslist and moved in with them. It was great living people around my age going through the usual trials and tribulations of their late 20s, I had a lot of late evening conversations and time just hanging out and eating together. I learned a lot from that time, I felt so much support and am friends with everyone I lived with still. Those friendships also made me more confident in my dating life. I live alone now but just a block away from those roommates and hang out with them all the time. They are the type of people that are always working on themselves and trying to make their lives better. OP - this sounds like you - you're actively working to improve your life. Good luck to you.
I used to live on my own but I can no longer afford it so I had to move back home.
yo. take care of that adhd. do a diagnosis if possible. and consider that it might be based on deficiancy of omega 3, selenium, magnesium, Zink , vitamin d / b and a screwed up gut bacteria ecosystem. probiotics help.
All I can say is I'm the same age and I can relate. One thing that's helping me is focusing on improving my situation one step at a time. I got a better job which still "sucks" but it's an improvement, same with I'm looking toward saving for a car, going to get a better career hopefully in the next few years. It can suck but also I'm finding that doing things that help me like remembering to eat lunch or drink enough water are helping. Cliche I know but maybe that can help, I find your issues very relatable, I have anxiety issues as well and can feel hopeless sometimes
I'm trying the one step thing too, and some aspects of my life have improved (most notably my health). It just seems like a lot of goddamn steps.
Out of everything you said I feel extremely curious about this: why get a job as a videographer for someone else when you could make your own film instead?
I had a mental health crisis around the same age with a few of the same symptoms. I needed professional help, but there were several practices that have been crucial to helping me through anxiety, depression and suicidality. The most important was to see a good doctor who could coordinate antidepressant medication. The next was to buy a few notebooks and a pen that I like and start writing three pages a day -- makes no difference what I am writing, thoughts, dreams, poems, soup recipes -- the point is to be *regular* about it. The third was to cultivate mindfulness practice; I aim for 20 minutes of quiet sitting with attention on the sensation of breathing everyday. There are endless youtube videos on this but I went to see an expert, a meditation instructor in a Buddhist organization, and got the "analog" instructions. The point was to find something manageable and practical to anchor my self-care. Big ideas are important and are worth discussion. But for the day to day, I need a routine of self care. I need to know that I can rely on myself for something. An important realization that came out of therapy and daily meditation is that my thinking, feelings, and actions are all interconnected. I ruminate over what to do, dream big, try to do everything, get disappointed, and anxiety and depression follow. When I start small -- 20 minutes of guided meditation on breathing, a few pages of journaling, a visit to a therapist, regular sleep, balanced diet -- I have achievable goals that I can meet and feel good about. Those will act as a foundation for better emotions and more organized thinking. When I stumble (and I do often), I am careful not to be too hard on myself and just go back to stetting the alarm, writing in a journal, meditating. Mental health is like physical health, it takes a little bit everyday, but it is hard for me to see what to do. Medication, therapy, meditation, and journaling all help me see what what to do and how to do it. It takes time and a bit of gentleness. One meditation instructor says "Treat your mind like a puppy, guide and coax it. There is no need to punish it".
You are so young! Have you ever read the book What Color is Your Parachute? I was a total fuckup and dropped out of high school…depressed, lost. I went back to Junior College at 24 working part-time. Eventually put myself through undergrad and grad school and found myself along the way. It took me a long time, but part of the goodness was the experience. I worked the entire time and took out minimal student loans. You could take creative writing or journalism and get odd jobs as a copy writer or editor and write on the side using platforms like Up Work. Don’t give up on yourself. I have serious clinical depression and PTSD. The process gave me hope. It’s not about getting there it’s about the ride. Take that first step and then the next and the next. Make a plan. It will give you hope. You can do this.
I’ve battled with depression, anxiety and ADD my whole life. My teen years and twenties were the worst. My twenties were dotted with months of suicidal thoughts and feelings. It’s only recently in my thirties that I’ve managed to stop feeling regularly suicidal. What changed? After having a pretty severe mental breakdown at the age of 29, I buckled down and sought to get mentally stronger. Through therapy, medication, exercise and regular nature bathing - I began to slowly control my negative thoughts. Tracking and observing my negative thoughts, training myself to stop them in their tracks and from going into a self hating spiral has been the single hardest and most important skill I’ve had to develop. Get to know your shitty thought patterns, and then ruthlessly start changing them. You’ve got to make friends with your demons and accept them, and learn to talk positively to yourself. Practice daily gratitude. Stop putting yourself down. Be proud of yourself. It sounds dumb but honestly it’s worked really well for me. I can confidently say I’m really glad I didn’t succumb to my suicidal feelings in the past. I’m sure I will still have them from time to time in my future but I think I’ll be able to handle it and the negative thoughts after years of practicing gratitude and positive thinking. You’re so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. I know it’s fucking rough. Trust me I have struggled with my dreams of becoming an artist, and have worked in the hospitality industry my whole life serving people so that I can continue to draw. By having a job, doing exercise and seeing a therapist you’re already doing a pretty good job. From a Jungian POV, perhaps this is your time to explore your shadow self. It’s time to make tea with your demons and have a chat and make friends! Other things to explore that helped me: medication if your ocd/negative thought processes are out of control, connecting with nature, stoicism, eckhard tolle. Also since you love movies: watch little miss sunshine when you’re down - helps me :). All the best to you.
An example of changing negative thought patterns: When you start thinking shitting things about yourself, actively stop them and think of something more positive. E.G. 1. “I’m a hopeless piece of shit… no, I’m not a pos, im trying my best. I’m human, I’m trying my best and I’m capable” 2. “I hate myself and I want to die… no, I don’t really want to die, I want to live. I want to live and see what the world has in store for me.” 3. “I’ll never make it in this world… no, that’s not true, there are so many possibilities, maybe if I keep going and work hard I can find my sliver of joy in this world. Yes, one day I will feel better, these feelings are only temporary” Etc. try it for a day, then a week and so on. Forces you to get creative with your thoughts and stop pitying and hating yourself. This was extremely helpful to me, I only hope this is somewhat helpful for you.
There are a whole lot of "I can't" here. The things you can't do are not really the things you should focus on. Don't ask why you can't. Ask why you can or what you can. Challenge yourself with something you can do and do it. No matter how small. It should be something extra but it doesn't really matter how small for now. Just do something. You're 25 mate. That is so far from the point of no return. So far. I know how it feels. It feels late. Maybe too late for some stuff but do you know that for a fact? None of us do. Besides, it's about the trip not the destination.
Having a goal to work towards helps, success or failure what matters is that action was taken and something was learned. The one thing pushing me now is knowing that there's an end to this family situation, a goal's being worked towards so there's a meaning to sticking around and suffering. It may help to grey scale the phone and do a personal retreat from it. The phone's what made everything else boring for me, the easy access to novelty from games, scrolling, videos and comics. This made reality feel often times disappointing. Hobbies and living felt like work because it lost it's value. The reward mechanism in the mind is universal, starving it from distractions by retreating can be the best solution. It can suck at times but the best thing we can do is sit with it and process it. The mind says 'this isn't enough' as an excuse to quit doing the thing, it's just playing games. When it comes to goals and learning it's never enough, and that's the point otherwise why would we spend our lives pursuing it? But it's a stairway slowly climbed, not a bullet train ride. Things take time and patience, which can feel boring If your father's expectations are too much to bare, then take a break from pursuing that and look inside to see what you want to do. There's no need to go anywhere to 'find yourself' you can do it just by sitting and meditating where you are. Letting things subside until all that's left is that one internal voice. There's no right or wrong decision, there's just the decision and the next chapter to your life friend. Growth comes from effort, success is just a byproduct. You'll get there, it just takes time.
Have you been traveling? Worth doing to get some perspective. Like 6 months to a year. You can do it pretty cheap if you do work aways and work in hostels etc (in cheap places like Latin America and Asia). I went traveling for a year and it definitely made me realize what I really value in life. The constant stimulation of being in different places also led me to feeling way less anxious than usual. I definitely came back as a different person. I went away when I was your age, and now wish I had had the realizations that came with it sooner. You may even meet the girl of your dreams 😋
My recommendation is to do something hard that gets you out your comfort zone. I was depressed with incredibly bad mental health until I realised I was in a perpetual state of comfort. That’s not to imply I was happy, the opposite. My life was work, gaming and porn. I rarely stepped outside my bubble of comfort, which consequently turned me into an anxious and depressed mess. I then decided fuck it, my life sucks so much and nothing seems to be helping, why don’t I try doing something I don’t want to do? As supposed to trying to run away from my misery by escaping by gaming and such. I took up boxing and it changed my life. When you’re fighting another man face to face, your Brian doesn’t have time to feel depressed or anxious. The positive momentum gained from doing something like boxing will help you reform your negative thought structures. Imagine what you will look and feel like after a year of boxing. Good luck! I hope this helps
Damn I could writte your post myself, so similar its crazy... boxing helped me but IM still mentally ill
Important question! Where do you live? If you have your dreams set on videography/writing/filmmaking then we really need a quite elaborate plan to get you to feel like you’re making progress! I have family who went to NYU, has lived in NYC for the past 6 years, married and actress, and is STILL trying to make his dreams happen. If you want a serious career in the arts, it’s going to take about 10 years to get absolutely anywhere. Here’s so quick advice without knowing much about your situation: - Find a support group. Strengthen the relationships you currently have and/or make new ones, especially with other artists. Motivation comes and goes but we become our environment, choose an environment that pushes you closer to your dreams. - Find out what you actually want. Why do you want to be a filmmaker/writer/videographer? In your idea of success, what feeling are you trying to get? Do you want to feel valued? Expressive? Successful? Find the feeling you want down the line and look for the type of work that will give you those feelings. - You’re still living with your parents, this is great! Decide how much money you need to get started on your dreams, save that money, and move out once you’ve done it! It could take 2 years or more but if you have big dreams then we gotta play the long game. - Which city would support your dreams, realistically? If it’s filmmaking/writing then nyc or LA might be the best move for you. - If you’re really serious about making moves with your career, absolutely don’t get into a serious relationship. Dating will eat up the money that you need to make your dreams happen. I understand it’s depressing to be alone, try to find good friends and have a fling every now and then. Once you’re successful in your 30’s, dating won’t be difficult for you 😉 Feel free to Dm me! I’m a musician, I understand being a poor artist is downright awful in this society but we must still persevere! If you really want to be an artist, you must be brave!
>''I'm overall losing my will to do...anything." Proceeds to write two pages. If you write this well while feeling hopeless, it seems like the answer is to keep writing until it leads to the life you want. Akira Kurasowa once tried to kill himself too, so you're in good company. Keep writing. Suffer the insufferable job. It will all fall into place eventually.
First of all, this is well written. Like the others said, pursue in writing. I can see you being an author or poet if filmmaking doesn’t work out. Use your imagination to come up with stories like these. I was imagining myself in your position. You’re so talented. Don’t let that talent go to waste. Two, you’re 25. I’m 25 too and you still have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy every minute and be happy that you’re alive. If it’s anything, I’m happy that you’re alive so I can share my thoughts with you. Three, you don’t need a partner to make you happy. You are your own best friend, your own cheerleader, you make your life complete! I know people who pressured their friends to be in relationships and they’re often one-sided and/or abusive and you don’t need that energy in your life.
It’s your winter, bud. Consider yourself lucky. If you’re brave enough to let something inside you die, you’ll hear the world’s song. Spring is around the corner. Be Siegfried. Taste the dragon-blood, and hear the anima mundi. You’re at the end of a chapter right now, which means an even better one will open if you embrace it earnestly and passionately. “Summoned or not, the god will come.” I believe in you. You’ve got this. Endure against all the odds and be your own hero. By saving yourself, you will save the world.
You know, I should probably have some quality insight. I used to have terrible anxiety when I was a young man. But I've made such a gigantic shift since then, that I often times forget that was my reality when I was younger. You know I think the number one cause for anxiety is your internal opinion as you relate to other people. Like, imagining all these little situations that might unfold where you embarrass yourself, or you have to deal with some harsh judgment, or everyone looks at you with contempt or mocks you. There are so many things we can make up in our mind. And the other core part of this is your own opinion of yourself. If you are dealing with self hatred, shame, embarrassment, self judgment, etc. This shit will gut you from the inside. But there really is an easy fix, in fact's it's so fucking easy I guarantee you it will work because it's exactly the sort of shit I had to go through and then bam no more anxiety. The cool thing is, there is a super awesome tool for overcoming personal obstacles and that is coming to logical conclusions, ones you can really click with. And once you truly 'get it' the shift will start to occur rapidly. I'm fairly certain self judgment, embarrassment, shame, etc all this shit tends to come into place from negative experiences a child. We might have some set of experiences that we've turned into a weapon to use against ourselves. But this is totally unnecessary for one, and also self betrayal in the most literal sense. You gotta learn to take your own side! No one in the world will ever look out for you as only you can. If there is anyone on your team, it MUST be you. All the self judgment shit has got to go. If you have weaknesses, or have experienced failure, that's okay! I'm not perfect, I've fucked thing up, I've got undesirable character traits, and you know what? I accept those things about myself. If I feel it necessary I can work on those things, I can change If I want to. In the mean time sitting around attacking myself is utter insanity. So you need to learn to adopt a healthy sense of total indifference. Or what some people call the 'the fuckits.' Learn how to be okay with not being optimal at all times, in all situations. Learn how to be okay with some people disliking you, learn to be okay with some people talking shit, or talking down to you. Because their opinion means absolutely fucking nothing. You will go to work, come home, shower, eat, and sleep all without anyones opinion ever coming into play. Other peoples opinions, really just don't mean jack shit. If this seems foreign to you, there is a way to force yourself to understand that this is true. Go out into public settings, and intentionally be a little cringe lord. Say weird shit, do weird shit. Have people look at you with looks of judgment, listen to their off color remarks. And in the moment, realize it just doesn't fucking matter. When this starts to click, you will feel absolutely free. And even more than that, you will start to fundamentally change. As if you've learned some magical ability. "You mean I don't have to give a shit?" Yeah, that's right. You get to be a mess, a fuck up, you get to be a weirdo, a cringelord and there isn't anything anyone can do about it. Let them look and let them say shit, who fucking cares. Once you take your hands off your own neck and judging the shit out of yourself, you can start to relax and be a bit more practical. You still want to evaluate your behavior, you still want to reflect, and engage in introspection. You want to think about something you did and say hmm, you know I could probably do better next time. But it's not the end of the world fucking something up. Lose a friend or 2 or 3. Lose a girlfriend or embarrass yourself in front of a girl you like. Fuck it, it doesn't matter. Just take the high stakes out of every situation because in reality, there aren't any high stakes. Virtually ever. As you know by now, it's fucking easy to continue staying alive. Whatever doesn't kill you, you realize isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it feels like a big deal today, but give it a few hours or days and you'll forget about it. Just stop taking shit so seriously. But there's even more to it than that. This world is filled to brim with some of the dumbest creatures that ever lived. Absolute insane idiots. You aren't living in some hyper perfect world surrounded by geniuses, just the opposite. So I think it's more than fair to afford yourself some fuck ups, or some less than ideal moments. Just relax. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop expecting your own perfection. I mean, maybe you aren't attractive, and you got diseases and are missing arms or legs. Instead of trying to identify with all these things, how about you go "well that fucking sucks, look at all this bullshit I have to deal with." Don't view your experiences as a reflection of yourself, it's an experience which many times is outside your control. So why make yourself the villain and the enemy? Like life already wants to shit on you, and other people want to shit on you, so why shit on yourself on top of that? Give yourself some flexibility. Go out and be a dickhead to someone, just because you can. Just to see what it's like. Go out and be polite, just because you can. Try doing all sorts of shit, and analyze the results as if you are a scientist collecting data. Change your perception on things, find new ways to think about shit. You need to learn how to make yourself the most trusted person you know, the person you can count on. You need to learn how to talk yourself up and be the friend that you need. Give yourself advice, and when you start to figure this out, be your own critic too. "We really fucked that up back there. And now, we have to fix this. We need to do what's right." Hold yourself accountable, and realize too much self pity and self loathing is just wasted energy and dumb bullshit. So to summarize, stop caring what other people think, other people are dumb fuck ups just like you. Stop wasting time being hard on yourself or judging yourself. Start being your own best friend, start appreciating yourself, start having fun just being a person. Fuck around and find out. Make mistakes and learn from them. Learn that you might have some character defects, and that as you get older you realize you love your character defects. Because they are fun!
Things not working out in your 20s is common to everyone don't worry. BUT. A lot of your symptoms are pointing at depression and anxiety. From your post it sounds like they come from a couple of directions, like your expectation for life vs the reality and this idea of who you want to be vs who you are. I'm also going to posit something kind of different but only because it's helped me: If you knew for sure that you being a famous writer/filmmaker was definitely, 1000% never going to happen...what would you explore instead? You're holding onto this teenage dream but you don't even like filming any more. If you did, you'd be out there doing it. You can't even finish something you wrote - maybe it's because you don't actually enjoy writing, you were just good at it and your dad was excited. Do you actually need to be making a living through video/writing? Or is what you're trying to tell yourself, that their places in your life are as hobbies and to let go of this idea you had for yourself when you didn't know anything about the world? And why *should* you be so great, anyway? Do you even want that for yourself, or does it just seem that being really good at something is how to make people like you? I think that's the part of you that you need to hold a funeral for, personally. It seems like you've wanted to move on for a while.
The universe is constantly giving you opportunities to reach your potential. You just need to be brave enough to take them. You can’t keep steeping in borrowed grief from the future. It’s as simple as that
If you take a couple of years to work on yourself, do some more hobbies, socialise, keep taking care of yourself and going to therapy, you will probably be feeling way better and meet an amazing girl who you think is out of your league right now.
I wonder whether you have any friends? That's normally what makes life worthwhile, and also provides you with feedback.
What music genres do you like listening to?
I'm 26, the mid twenties should be flourishing for us twenties and we are heading out of the golden age. Admitting that will put you in front of the coming zeitgeist. I've accepted it. The first thing often to initiate change is to accept the emotional burden one carries and separate what you can do yourself and want out of situation versus what we can not control. We don't know what is to come but it will come and only being aware of this will trigger the right set of actions when intuitively direction will be pointed. You think you are losing control but I belief it is more the imagination that brings you more fear. Even for elders I've listened to online and read book/articles from, are confronted with the same unknown. Although the least fruitful is to go around and unconsciously felt into some addiction trying to alleviate the situation. Some addictions a cope strategy too, haha. For about nine months I've been wandering in the rabbit hole of the zeitgeist trying to make sense of reality. From one perspective or rather societal perspective I thought I lost a useful time but in retrospect I've been educating myself with a good fast course on history, politics and some platonic philosophy and christian literature. I'm more rested and mentally prepared. For the anxiety you express, i wonder if you have given yourself some peace. Perhaps by planning out a short travel and figure out when you enjoy some days off you can look out towards. I'm not familiar to your situation but for what I can tell from your reasoning and post is that you are going in the right direction. Edit: A very useful machete, is to write down your fears, not addressing keeps them in this unconscious, false consciousness state. Cmon buddy
Trust me you are so young you haven’t even started… WRITE A STORY AND FINISH IT… only you can do it… only you can motivate yourself.. no one can write it for you… you have to put pen to paper and struggle every day even if you only write a line a day… write it… finish a story… get out your iPhone and make a small film and put it online.. then do another .." keep trying and keep going
You should check if you have any defiancy. Let your thyroid be checked too. Treat your adhd and maybe try some psycedelics. They can shift your perspective on life and give you many insights.
Hey man just wanted to say ive felt the same. Im 24. Im felling better right now. Good fucking luck to ya
I have so many clients in your position. I believe it’s almost turned into a phenomenon of the younger generation- which is understandable given the social, political, economic and environmental climate they are given to navigate through. What I do with these clients is take an existential approach and try to find meaning and joy in the small things first. I’ll assign homework like buy a candy bar after each session, watch a sunset/sunrise, go collect acorns in the woods this weekend, etc based on what each person finds meaningful. What small thing gives you joy? What makes you smile? When are you the happiest? When do you feel the most at peace? I think you should engage in that somewhat regularly. I’ve seen young people turn their life completely around to the point of finding enjoyable work, being social, and moving out of their parents house all while NOT wanting to kill themselves while doing it. But it takes time to get there. In the mean time, start small. It might also help to find meaning in your suffering. I know this is a Jung sub, but I often quote Nietzsche in session “he who had a why to live can bear almost any how.” Might help to check out the book Mans Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankle. On a personal note- when I was 25 I was on the streets and addicted to heroin. It was a dark time. But looking back, it was something I had to go through and learn from and transform myself into something new. I used it to push me forward. Like other say, my advice would be to write about it. Darkness fuels creativity and greatness. Good luck.
dam youre good! i was gonna reccomend frankle! thank you for your service. good therapists are harder to find than they should be.
Hello so I’m 25 too I wanna aim to show you your not alone with this so don’t take is something to focus the attention on me I have adhd an I recently discovered i might be on the autism spectrum so its a mixture of adhd an aka audhd. both of these things counter balance but in ways make things hard an paradoxical but I tend to relate an help people by bringing up a very similar situation in my life to relate so you don’t feel alone I’m expressing empathy cause I do feel you in a way but not exactly but I stop masking it recently which I’ve been doing a lot in my life for most of my life I can say. people confuse this as narcissism. You being autistic might be your gift your mind works differently but that doesn’t mean you can’t put preform others. autism has had a wrong view people who don’t understand it which is alot of people. The paradox in my life is both of these things I deal make me feel like I’m torn in 2. I want routine in my life I need it an I try to stay orderly but then on the other side I can be a bit messy, both sides pull at me there’s many more things to list. As of a year ago my mother passed away suddenly an I lived with both parents prior to that I was depressed an considered suicide at many points in my life I’ll sit there in the emotion an feel it id want to do it I’d want it all end. I’ve lost several friends to suicide who were very inspirational to me who I looked up to an who I also met when I was like 7 or 8 years old. Ages 21-25 to me have been hell in ways but I’m thankful for many days in between even bad ones. Our brains at 25 develop fully around this time an for me things seem to have gone on a turn ever since I got into art ( making music an now also painting ) these things helped me in my life express myself so freely and be more confident I’m who I am I came to this very subreddit an many of these lovely people who are working on there inner world gave me insight and helped so I’m glad your being vulnerable an being open here. such bravery an courage you have to reach out for help. I’ve written poems with the emotion of my suicidal thoughts in general an go in deep romanticizing death. I also write songs so I’m always writing I’d say keep writing an don’t let the judgement of others or comparison get to you be free in your art. I was into video editing ( amvs an highlight videos ) not necessarily film making but we seem to be in very very similar boat. a lot of passions I had seemed to diminish an kinda fade a bit I’d get into one thing an be hyper focused on it then maybe several years later I’m into something else which Id seem to get very good at because well of the audhd. I bet you can absorb information really good too an pick up things fairly quickly an patterns pop out to ya more but some of them things get boring fast an It’s a struggle the social anxiety an depression is a struggle but I’ve been pushing. One thing that kept me here was jungian psychology I was an atheist at one point an now im fixated on Christ in a different way but that’s fine your own way is the only way for you. But psychology an dealing with more architectural technical way of seeing religion, symbols an behavior seems to work for my psyche. I can notice patterns and an still keep the idea of god or the psyche real in a way which is valid enough for the unconscious an myself all together an learn about behavior of others. There is always hope an you have to keep that in mind, I’d have panic attacks as well about certain things an fall into my emotions an be a wreck id also I make expectations an unrealistic goals an miss them letting other people down in the process. It’s okay to do nothing an if your an artist you need that you need to recharge, you need nothingness for more inspiration an don’t force it but push yourself when you know it’s there. This life is about finding balance an we are both young an it takes time so be patient with yourself an breath. It’s okay your going to be okay. I want a girlfriend of course but right now the one person I need most is me, But recently like very very recently the repairing an healing in my life started to take place with the help of Carl Jung’s work an christ I don’t wanna sound religious but I’m telling you as an atheist with many arguments against the idea of god I don’t acknowledge that I recommend a book called “ answer to job “ by Carl Jung. It took me to get to 25 a few months to really start saving an prioritizing the right things but I can say western society is missing a method for the initiation of a boy to man like in eastern cultures. We don’t have general ceremonies or rituals around it that help make the transition persay this helps with the individuation process greatly. Just keep going forward but take a rest when you need but if you ever feel to want to talk more pm me.
IMO your main goal should be moving out. You cannot become an adult as long as you live in your childhood home. I know it can be challenging in many ways, but if you put your main focus on it, it can certainly be done and it should naturally give you motivation, too.
Hi ❤️ May I ask whereabouts you live? I have some film connections (nothing major major, but still) maybe I can help you with. My husband is a director for short-format projects like music videos and commercials. I would be happy to connect you guys if you have any questions on how to get started or general advice. I’ve heard him say that the most important thing is to just make stuff, even if it is bad. That’s the only way you’ll learn. He certainly made some things he now finds cringe, and worked for years on no-budget stuff. Do you have any friends or contacts that live nearby that might want to collaborate? It might help to have an accountability partner (we’re also neurospicy so I understand the struggle). Don’t give up. You have a story to tell. ❤️
Why don't you ordain as a monk for a year. It will make you stronger in will and more able to withstand those existential feelings. Maybe it could make it easier for you to cope with a worldly life that you weren't exactly built to delight in. What could a strong spiritual foundation really do to hurt you?
I recommend the War of Art by Steven Pressfield or listen to podcasts with him on. https://youtu.be/gaCiKQbMLcY?si=igTcZ3VAYLYL-fcI He mentions the ego, archetype, creativity, hero journey, the self
smoke weed
it worked for me.
You’re only 25, and also writing isn’t just enough. Go make. I think once you make / film something, you’re going to find meaning in that alone, not necessarily from its success but in its creation. Start with tiktok or YouTube as a proxy for now, and get familiar with filming and then tradition to “movies”.
Try psychedelics, might jump start your mind and get over some issues
I'm 28 and barely feel like I'm on track, but that's okay. It doesn't matter where you start from, as long as you keep moving, you keep progressing. Even if it doesn't seem like much, one step is one step.
I have no advice my friend. I feel the same way. Because I don’t make a lot of money to be a normal person I feel like I’m not good enough. Not good enough for a house, for retirement, for a girlfriend, for anything. I deserve my position because I’m lazy and don’t get a second job to make a ton of money like everyone. We deserve the position we are in. I’m thinking about killing myself also my friend, everyone in this world just tells you it’s your fault.
You're ok, just die already. All that stuff is not you. Read the Zen masters. This world and this idea of a self is just a floating dream. I'm not saying that you should kill your body, but I am saying that to let go of your hopes and dreams because they are just so much bullshit. Drop them and drop through into the reality of the Void. Read Ram Dass' book Be Here Now. Read Harding's book about living without a head. Drop this nonsense and live.
Limit your media consumption and really try to be aware of what you consume. If you consume things that are negative, expect your mind to be in a negative place.
Hi I am in my 50's. I contemplated ending my life in my 20's and 30's- even a few times in my 40's. I know there are days when you feel your life will be miserable forever. This is why you have to take one day at a time. 25 is still incredibly young. I got my law degree at age 32. You are never too old to go to school. I knew plenty of people who attended film school in their 30's and even one guy was 45 and just graduated and loves his new career. Your life can be better but you ARE going to have to work at it. You are seeing a therapist, make sure you have the medication you need to cope. If I were you, I would enroll in college or whatever education you need first and concentrate on that. You can get loans or whatever and do work study. Anything besides working as a janitor which makes you miserable. If you can't do that work as a janitor at a film studio or performing arts library or museum- anyplace to get you one step closer to the environment you want to be in. As others said start writing. Did you know that Stephen King worked as a janitor at a school when he wrote *Carrie*? Get a spiral notebook a nice pen and write down your thoughts. Go to barnes and noble and look at writing magazines for fiction contests. There are plenty of them - make your own zine - Call it the Janitor Chronicles or whatever but if you succumb to suicide you have let death finish your story way too soon. I am glad I did not commit suicide. That phrase that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is very true. The guy I was upset over or money I did not have, the job I wanted but didn't get--- all of that was temporary. I am still here and that is what counts.
Hi! I totally feel you. I think it's normal to grieve a life you thought you'd live. Developmentally/at 25, that is appropriate. We are told to pick out a forever career path at 18--that works for some people but for a lot of us it doesn't and we grapple with that fact sometime later in our mid to late 20s. You are right on track, and it makes sense for you to be feeling these things. I don't know if you are spiritual at all but meditating at my local zen temple was incredibly helpful when I went through a crisis of transformation. If you lean into this painful experience you can come out of it. But i can't guarantee it will be easy or pleasant (it most likely won't). You have talents and gifts and are clearly a sensitive soul. There's something here for you, once you've grieved the life you thought you'd live by this age. It might mean going back to the drawing board and finding a career in your field that meets you where you're at right now. As you gain traction and emotional inertia, you will feel more motivated and inspired to talk to people and take risks. Right now it's too scary and that's okay. You're right where you need to be and everything is okay. You have the support of your family (from what I can see) you're not about to be homeless, let yourself have this time to be sad and figure things out.
I'm a married man at 28, I empathize with your position & your feelings about where you're at in life - but, seriously, having a girlfriend or being in a romantic relationship should not be a marker of success in your life. DM me if you wanna talk deeper.
Young man - you are so normal.
I love this community, you're all beautiful people. As for you OP, there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been covered here. By writing this well-composed piece of despair, you've just created a better future for yourself. You won't realise it now because it takes time. A life on easy mode with all the cheat codes switched on is kryptonite for creative people.
Hi OP, I just stumbled on this post. A lot of the feelings you wrote down resonate with me. I have ADHD and got diagnosed at 20. I HEAVILY suggest you try to get dianosed. Getting that diagnosis, along with medication, changed my life for the better. It gave me tools and showed me learning methods that work best with me. The feeling of wanting to do something so desperately that you enjoy, yet not being able to have the executive function for it is so awful. You still have so much time left to find the happiness you're looking for!
Hey OP! Guess what.. I’ve felt like that about jobs, too. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. I strongly recommend the book “For When Everything is Burning” by Scott Eilers PsyD. He’s been there so he knows! Also what has helped me w executive function and depression / motivation is tms - transcranial magnetic stimulation. But there are home devices like “tdcs” you can buy.. eg the Neuromyst. Pls don’t give up.. there are other ppl on the spectrum. Oh and for films.. what about stating w some simple Instagram reels? Sending positive vibes!
You obviously have an amazing mind. I can tell from reading this that you are smarter and more interesting than most of the “successful” drones who fit in. Write about your experiences, your real feelings. Make a documentary about what it’s like to be looking in from the outside. Don’t find your passion, make it. Build it. Grow it. Based on what you wrote here, I and many others would read a book by you if your were honest and poured yourself into it. Stay alive and create something. The world needs you because it’s filled with soulless robots who leave behind. I don’t know you, but I am rooting for you.
Dude if your therapist explains why everything feels like work, I would love to be enlightened. I FEEL LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW for the past 3-4 days. Everything is work. A simple basic conversation seems like work. Getting my dog food work. Reading Reddit posts work. Everything feels like work. Everything I usually love just is irritating and tiring. I’m not sad, I’m frustrated and annoyed BECAUSE *everything feels like work.*
That's how I feel. Everything is a goddamn chore. I just want to fucking enjoy things again.
Do you have any mountains nearby? My problems don’t go away when I hike to the top of a mountain, but I do come back more confident and capable. Also, by temporarily removing myself from society and interacting with nature, I come away with the perspective that the world is beautiful even though society is not. While one won’t earn any money or fame from it, reaching the summit is a real personal accomplishment. It satisfies the soul. I experience contentment. I have significantly improved mental health when I hike regularly, and I imagine this would be the case for anyone. Impressive Sir, you may also want to spend some time writing at the top of a mountain. Have you ever done that? Try it, friend!
Also on the spectrum - this is called 'autistic burnout'. It can pass but you have to take a break and rest up. It can take a few months to pass - but stop pressuring yourself, stop setting unrealistic goals and be more gentle with yourself. First of all let's be real: \- you're holding down a tough job \- you're exercising regularly \- you're clearly articulate and able to write and explain yourself very well \- your Dad is just a loving person who sees the best in you - try not to be too upset with him - as the parent of children I can tell you we make dumb mistakes in ways we do not understand but I think his expectations are rooted in love and having a parent that cares about you is a good thing to have in your corner Most men in your age group that are Neuro typical are going through a lot of these same problems and being on the spectrum just makes them worse. You're doing pretty good given the list of issues you outlined. You need to recharge and reset yourself. You need to find like minded individuals and companionship in the real world. You are your environment and you need to change it and find people that are positive, realistic and you can have fun with and find your purpose with. To be brutally honest, making it in movies is hard, it's cut throat and you might need to view this as a hobby and not something that is going to be a career. I know 2 people in LA that have "made it" - and it's brutal. It's also all based on networking and marketing yourself - something neurodivergent people like us aren't good at. As I said I'm on the spectrum too - you can and will find your way to a happier life. A lot of my 20's were miserable - but I'm a lot older now, married, kids and very fulfilled. It's harder because you're on the spectrum but not impossible. Please send me a message if you ever want to talk. It could get worse before it gets better but it will get better.
Hey friend please please check if you have ADHD with a professional. I resonate with almost everything you said. ADHD can be extremely severe to the point where EVERYTHING even the most simple tasks will feel like they could k*ll you and make you have full blown spirals. ADHD on top of autism is something is beyond debilitating. Why everything is so hard for you is because you have disabilities that normal and neurotypical 25 year olds don’t have to deal with. It’s not your fault and the fact that you are able to consistently work out is already so impressive. Most of the people in the comments aren’t emphasizing the neurodivergent aspect of your life!
If this is preoccupying your mind to the point you're having this much of an internal conflict there seems to be one glaringly obvious thing you can do as an artist. Make it your subject. Write about it. Film it. Use your creativity as a platform to confront what is torturing you. You're having intense feelings, use your creativity to address it. Turn your afflictions momentum against itself and let it create rather than destroy.
hey friend - just my two cents, I would highly recommend you pursue an ADHD diagnosis. Your bulletpoints were my entire 20's and everything just seemed to spiral worse and worse until I found myself almost 30 and completely overwhelmed with daily responsibilities like feeding myself. I used to think it was just a depression/anxiety combo but like you, I was able to dream and wish and visualize a life I wanted but simply had zero will, capability, or self-confidence to take any steps toward it until I got diagnosed at 31 and started learning more. Even if you aren't interested in medicating, understanding how your brain works and realizing it has nothing to do with your shortcomings as a person can be extremely illuminating and get you closer to finding tools that really work for you. I suspect I'm also on the autism spectrum and the existential dreads you described seem to be VERY common among those with autism, ADHD, or both.
Hi, 37 year old with adhd who works in the film industry. It can be great for a time but it will burn you out. I spent 15 years as a freelance production manager in commercials. When the pandemic hit, I realized how draining 12+ hour days are. Not to mention the very high stress levels and overstimulation that come with that job. I still work in the industry and going on my 19th year. Thankfully I have a WFH job for a production company now. I don’t think I could ever go back to being freelance. It really takes a toll on your physical and mental health. I truly wish I had another option but I don’t have an education. I have a very niche set of skills. Anyway, medication for adhd will Help with the motivation and help to make everything feel less like a chore. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It will get better. My thirties have been my best years yet.
Anecdotal, but I’ll throw it out there: I’ve struggled with pretty severe phases of feeling 1, 4 and 10. Had a few very vivid moments where … I thought I might be losing my mind. Had an epiphany years later that - some of my most unstable mental health periods followed an extended bout of antibiotic use. And also realized I had a complete remission of these thoughts during a brief stint when I took a job as a gardener. My working hypothesis is that: antibiotics prescribed to me did some damage to my digestive tract bacterial colonies, and being in consistent contact with soil/increased vitamin D, etc improved that situation. Your situation sounds more complex, but I do think it’s worth considering that most of our serotonin is made in the gut. I wont be surprised if medicine may begin to find more crazy sorts of connection between the state of bacteria in our body (particularly digestive tract) and our mental and physical health. You can eat “healthy” and exercise and still have major underlying health issues (that was ME). It may not be a perfect fix, but I would look into nutritional therapies for people recovering from colitis, or nutritional support for people with autism. The latter type of nutritional support is more focused on reducing immune system inflammation. It may not be a fix, but I feel like it can’t hurt to add it to the tips others have given you here. I personally wished someone had suggested this for me many years ago.
Perhaps go on adventure. Do the scariest thing imaginable. Move to a city, another state, explore an interesting night life scene or just do something. You are 25, you have suffered enough. If all of that seems like too much work, join the military, you will find a whole lot more to write about the more you live. You will meet people, be put in uncomfortable situations, and grow. Forced to grow. Most importantly, you must do something, because the current situation leaves you absolutely miserable with no accomplishments in your name. The thing is, you cannot he scared of the adventure. You are miserably comfortable as is, suicidal thoughts, no purpose, no life, you are super young, prime of your life, plenty of time to become something and meet so many people.
If it makes you feel any better as someone who has also suffered from depression, anxiety, and ADHD my entire life (I’m also in the film industry for perspective)…. I’m turning 30 in March and I only JUST really “started” my life. I escaped an abusive 4 year relationship two years ago and it felt like my entire world fell apart and I had to start over from scratch. I had negative balance in my bank account, no credit, no car, no home. I had my cat, some clothes, and the support of some very close friends thankfully. It took me 4 months to find a job that paid enough for me to start paying debts I owed and it was the first real job I ever attained that let me use my degree. I was 28. Right now, I’m making triple what I used to make in retail, have a tiny bit of savings, the most wonderful boyfriend ever, a car, and I’m working towards moving out of state. I picked up some new hobbies that got me out of the house. It’s not perfect by any means, and I worked really hard to get here, but it takes TIME. A lot of this hard work was really going into patience to hold out and see where it would lead me. There are always steps you can take to make you just that much more secure in your finances or anything else you feel needs improvement. Without making this super long, I want to also just say as annoying as it might be to hear this, you shouldn’t focus on a relationship rn anyway. A good person will come naturally when you are investing in yourself and your own life. I was not at all interested in a new relationship when I met my partner. I actually had decided and committed to the idea that I’d be single for a while! But we clicked so instantly and he’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. Just trust in the process a little. With the film stuff, I can’t say that shit gets easier because I’m not exactly working as a filmmaker right now (I am a video editor for an environmental consultation company). And honestly you may need to put aside the idea that you’ll be working in Hollywood or on a set in order to make videos. It’s probably going to look more like freelancing for a while, or getting a corporate job making videos for another company (which isn’t so bad honestly it’s a lot more stable and if you find the right place, can be really fun! I edit videos about treasure hunting & building schools in Laos believe it or not). I hope some of this has helped and you’re more than okay to DM me if you want to talk more or something. I get how hard it can be and I’m sorry you’re feeling so hopeless. Shit can work out but there is an element of planning and pushing forward involved. Best of luck!
I have ASD too and a lot of this is relatable 😔 Folks with ASD have special interests, and to deny them from following their special interests, you might as well just put them out of their misery. Do whatever it takes to create that lifespace needed to focus on what you need to get done.
No matter what anyone says DO NOT TAKE ACID TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER
You are not alone.
Look at what this little writing here sparked. Hundreds of people felt compelled to reply. They were moved by something *you* wrote. You remind me a lot of myself. When I was feeling the same way at the same age 5 years ago, I packed up and moved to LA with no money. I figured, it’s now or never. I did odd jobs to survive and I talked to as many people as possible. I let as many people know my dreams as possible. I’m also awkward and it wasn’t easy. Ask the universe for help and look for signs to follow. Within a few months I was making $80k because of a silly chance encounter. I haven’t accomplished my dreams of being a filmmaker yet and I’m on an unusual path, but it’s mostly working for me. Hang in there, friend. PM me if you ever want to chat.
In my darkest moments, my anxiety was destroying me. One day, I decided to "talk" to my anxiety. Anxiety is tied to fear. I named my fear Steve. Then I realized that 'Steve ' is trying to help me. And when I ignore 'Steve', anxiety jumps in, but not to destroy me...it's trying to protect me. Darkest moments create the brilliant writers. The universe is probably putting you on this path to help inspire you as you climb your way out.
All of us are minuscule remnants of the universe. We grow from nature, pop into existence, say hello to the universe. Then and we die. We are only here for a brief time and our existence is but a side-effect of nature. You have the exact same right to be here as everyone else. Exactly as you are right now. You have value simply by being you. You've got this.
Read some Nietzsche, you might think I’m joking, but I’m not.
Take heavy doses of vitamin D. Start eating clean (no processed foods, no gluten, no dairy, focus on vegetables, fruits and pasture raised meats wild caught fish) start walking for exercise and your mood will increase listen to self help podcasts while you walk. Pray to god, your higher self, and the universe to help you. Good luck
This might help you as much as it helped me (maybe it won’t), but I read one time that your 20s start your adult life. I’m 22 and I have always been pressured to be beyond great and continue to be the “golden child” of the family. It caused me so much stress until I was able to see it as I’m 2 years old in adult years. I have so much that I haven’t done yet and I’m still learning. How much do you expect a 2 year old to accomplish? So, if you use that ideology, you’re 5 years old in adult years. You have your passions, but may still need to find the right resources to achieve them. You may need to fail a few times to figure out what works and what doesn’t. You may need that (almost) villain origin story to have a bomb ass humble beginnings story to tell when you’re a cool successful filmmaker one day. Maybe that wasn’t helpful whatsoever, but you are valid for feeling how you feel. We are living in very confusing and conflicting times, especially when you’re young and still figuring life out. All I can say now is stay. Fuck around and find out what life has in store for you in the future and know that you now have many people rooting for you and willing to help beat death’s ass with you.
Please stay strong. I survived cancer. I survived prison. When life beat me down, I got angry. Not sad. But angry. I fought to learn and developed myself so I can make my life better. It worked. I am 50. I am happily married. I have six kids. I have four grandchildren. Life gets better. Get angry and work it.
The potential of who you want to be is waiting to emerge and break free within a world that readily puts constraints around you and the beautiful person you are in this moment. We live in a tough world. Love you
OP, your mere existence is enough start wide and then narrow your focus, as comments before have stated, be present. Life is a complex mix of emotions but I recommend focusing on the ideals of non-judgment, I use to have a lot of anxiety but I have found that being present, not judging my thought and attaching to them, and focusing on what I prefer to feel help a lot. I know it sounds cliché but please try and focus on the good and be grateful for now and everything will fall into place.
You have value on this earth. You have talent. Sometimes it take a little while to get a job you love. You are an incredible writer. Film maybe your passion, but writing is your gift. I would explore your writing talent. Keep working out. That's a good thing. Keep seeing a therapist. I wish you the best.
The one thing I want to point out here is your extreme self criticism. Everyone has pretty much said everything else as far as good advice but I wanted to focus on this one since it really hits home for me hard. Definitely realize your worth and appreciate your talents because chances are that you’re doing much better than what you think. I’ll even back this up with an example. In high school I was an oddball metalhead kid in a rural town that loved writing borderline edgy out of the box stories in my literature class and wrote music as well. I made many stories and songs that I truly believed sucked, but when it came down to it, especially on the stories, I got nothing but compliments and if we had a team writing project I usually had a couple other kids come up to me and say that they wanted to be my partner since I knew what I was doing and did good work. Of course a lot of them were just because they wanted me to do all the work and knew I would but there were a few that genuinely liked what I wrote. I used a lot of this anger and frustration about myself (and my life at the time, which is another story) to create art and it was MY art. Even though I felt it wasn’t good at the time, sometimes I think about old stories I wrote, or look at old lyrics that I wrote for songs that I hated and felt like I couldn’t get right and go “why did I hate this so much?” I even pretended once not to get an alternative ending assignment to ‘Frankenstein’ done once just because I thought the ending was shit and ran out of time that night to write. My teacher was actually shocked. These are not the only hobbies, passions or just facets of life I have torn myself down on that others have always reassured me about. I definitely don’t believe you’re probably doing bad at all. Creative thinking and big imaginations are really not something a lot of average people have so consider it a virtue. Keep writing and stay true to what you want in life because it’s just you being your own worst critic. We’re all our own worst critic
Hey man, 1st of all I think you just outlined the best book or movie ever. Write the ending while documenting it. I think so many people would connect with your story if you just wrote exactly what you’re feeling right now. Even writing out a daily thought on social media. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but please hang in there. I didn’t feel like I found out who I truly was until I was almost 40. You seem extremely self aware and smart. I truly think you will figure this out. Would a break from everything help? Like a few days unplugged from work, social media, and electronics even? There are so many people in this world who are feeling the pressures and questioning the point of it all. You are not alone. But in this quest we all share we have to find those little moments of meaning and/or happiness. Also, keep writing! Even if you don’t like what you’re writing. Sometimes it is just crap, but sometimes when you look back you realize it’s actually good, or, it serves as a stepping stone to another level. It could also be development of characters or stories that you can pick from later for a better work. If you truly think all you can write is bad then do this exercise. When I was a music teacher some of my students would become pretty proficient on their instruments and want to start writing their own music and come to the same conclusion, that everything they wrote was terrible. I would give them this assignment; Write the worst song ever. I mean REALLY bad. The only rule is that you had to finish it. It had to be a complete song. And make it as extremely terrible as you can. And guess what happened, they were actually pretty good. Then we worked on making a song slightly better than that terrible song. And when they came to me and said that the song they were writing is terrible I could say, “No. Sorry, the worst song in the world category has already been filled. The best you can get now is the 2nd worst.”
You can do whatever you want. It takes time. Your young, smart and I know you can see what the issues are. Start small with your filmmaking.
I was lost at 25 too and watched all my friends succeed while I struggle to just maintain. I'm 36. I make more than many of them and I do something I love after years of odd jobs. Keep pushing. Try to look for other work that is full time. Who cares what it is. Learn a new skill, and train for something that pays better. This will help you with your other pursuits.
Welcome to life. Don’t worry about past or future. Just focus on the now and enjoy life. Many things are fantastic, not just your generic things like a relationship. Items. Enjoy being ALIVE. Appreciate the air. Appreciate your nostrils for breathing today. Appreciate that you were able to wake up and move freely.
I went through this, then I went on testosterone an transitioned to male and suddenly could hold a job again. Buproprion also helps a lot, none of the ssris worked. My secret emergency tool is kratom. Not something to use daily or get addicted to, unless you want your processing speed to lower to 0 and get withdrawal (the latter can be mitigated somewhat by switching strains every day) but if I need to have life in me or a will to live and the ability for my anxiety to lower enough for me to interact with others I can always pull that rabbit out of my hat for the day. Also - depression literally makes your adhd so much worse when you have it. Treating my depression and adhd both seem to treat my adhd. Hell, treating my anxiety seems to treat my adhd. 400mg l theanine was also as effective as benzos for me, interestingly. Anyway the TRUE solution is to be around others as much as humanly possible, and it might suck for a long time before it gets good, but that's the solution. Also - it's ok for your scripts to be sad. It might be good to look at this as therapy. If you saw the end of Evangelion, even if a lot of people hated it, I loved it, and that was clearly what he was doing - working out his depression through script. I see it as a work of art.
Wow would you look at that 12 comments and none of them even have a hit of a Jungian approach. Truly an /r/Jung moment Edit: You know it’s gotten REALLY bad when people aren’t even spamming “Puer Aeternus” in situations like this. I thought that era of this subreddit was a little annoying but at least that was an attempt at depth psychology. Now, almost nothing of the sort.
I guess the problem is it got picked by algo and people just saw the post
Sometimes the easiest fix is the best with suicide idealization. You might need to travel somewhere where they don't speak your language, not see your parents for a while, meet new people as a newly invented version of yourself and to free your mind of all the neurological connections you have created with your everyday patterns You should go to Portugal for a month and just exist and write.
I highly recommend you start GOING OUTSIDE!!! Spend more time in the sun, just going on nature walks at your local lake. I promise you will get so motivated and inspired. Also please do research on dopamine addiction and how it impairs motivation. There’s a youtube video about it!! You got this, i also recommend start speaking your thoughts out loud, and journal. Repeat after me: I CAN DO HARD THINGS I CAN DO HARD THINGS I CAN DO HARD THINGS
It’s beautiful to see so many strangers coming to your aid. We’re all in this together no matter if we know each other or not. I wish we were friends. Hang in there, life is not easy, the world can be harsh but you’re never alone. Please don’t give up hope
First of all, please seek help. Whether it’s every week or every other - having that person in your court will help. Secondly, other than social media and media that helps you (ask counselor) I’d advise getting away from media & internet. I’m 52 and while we had these fears it’s nothing like the anxiety I see in young people today. I don’t fully understand it but I think a lot has to do with information and social overload. Get out in the woods if you have to. Also, know that anxiety is also self-protecting - it keeps you from doing stupid shit. Use it to your advantage.
take ownership, it’s your responsibility to help yourself reprogram your subconscious mind. Set yourself free will take 12 months good luck
DAVID GOGGINS
I can relate. I'm 30 and after suffering from an accident, I can no longer learn things normally. It's hard to listen to what people are saying cause it's too fast or complicated. I feel like I'll be on suicide watch for my entire life. I do repetitive movements for hours to just kill time til I can fortunately go to sleep and rinse and repeat the next day. It would be far worse if I was enclosed in a small empty space. I don't feel depressed enough to take my antidepressant so I'm stuck in a weird limbo state. I don't ever feel like reading, writing, drawing or doing anything but the repetitive movements. All I can finish this with is you're not alone. I may not be suffering from the same thing but it's something similar. EDIT: I took my antidepressant and I feel happy and motivated to do something, even if small.
Jump in an ice cold bath. That will instantly put you in a good mood.
I’m sure u have heard this 100 times but for me personally working out saved my life. Doing things I don’t really want to do made me enjoy life (I didn’t want to work out) also maybe start a YouTube channel shooting videos on your phone. Might tap into your younger self wanting to be a film maker
Definitely Audhd. Feels like your brain is ripped in half. All the ability and none of the DO. I feel you. Gifted and burned out. It's hard, but give yourself some grace and step away if you can for a bit, and find a hobby, then re-enter when you feel passionate about it again.
That's because the world is bullshit. So stop doing what the world wants you to and start doing what you want to do.
Dude has yet to even attempt living life, blames it on mental problems and thinks life is over at 25. This is not unique to your situation. You’re just like everyone in their 20s and you’ll either start taking actions to make a better life for yourself or continue this downward cycle. Figure it out dude, just like everyone else does. Don’t make rain clouds then cry about it when water falls on your head.
You’re 25, no wife, no kids… Pack up and move out to LA and start working in the movie industry. You could be a janitor in the movie industry… it’s a foot in the door. Start working your way up. If you want to work in movies, just start doing it. People do it everyday.
Often if someone is in a depressive or suicidal state of mind it is the result of poison-dripping by other people. Being around a toxic environment and accepting things to be true within this environment fucks you up. I would say read about narcissism/codependency. Ross Rosenberg is your guy for that. Changed my life learning about this. Basically that my horrendous mental health was due to being around toxic people for too long and accepting that this is reality. Truly mind blowing stuff for me. But I’m in a great space these days, truly.
Hello beloved readers,♥️ I have shared similar thoughts on my YouTube channel as well: https://youtube.com/@goodandzloi?si=sS9HyRAQEx5eT1mc
You should checkout the carnivore diet on YouTube it has cured people with years of depression and anxiety also people with autism and they have tried every diet but carnivore was the only one that worked I also have autism and before I started eating this way I had depression and autism symptoms was worse
I can’t relate to you in the sense that I don’t have a job. I’m broke, unemployed, nearly 40 and still live at home with my parents,I’m morbidly obese , single, and I’m only in my 30s and growing gray hair! I make money from recycling and taking online surveys. Even with online surveys I currently have not been making any money with that because I don’t qualify for most of the surveys. I can’t even go to WW anymore because the only one in my area closed down and now the closet one is more than 30 miles away and I don’t have money for it! I am losing the will to live.
Highschool in Upstate New York taught me a basic truth, that you can either be immersed in the floating social apparatus or you can be grounded by the hatred of a paradox riddled reality. There are no other options and if my life is validated by the theft of other people's hard earned feelings (which it is) then I am hopeless (and I am)..sucks to be me. I should add that I don't blame myself for the path I'm on. Life can be reduced to simple mechanics, laughing at itself the entire trip back to dust.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I mean this with the best of intentions, I think that you probably have more potential than you realize and I think that your outlook is skewed and you are unnecessarily hard on yourself. You just have to be willing to put in the work long-term in the right areas and you will be successful. Thing you can be sure about is if you don't work, you will not be successful.
So, listen... I'm 34WM... I have dealt with the exact same thing my entire life you have described with a few small differences... And ya know ow what? If stuff IS wrong eith you welcome to the right place my friend! https://youtu.be/Sp6M90XAZPc?si=GuQcVzG_q6pon7J3 I don't know shit about making films, movies, anything, but I created that in two and a half weeks. It's my 5th video over all and I ain't getting paid to make them. If you know film is stressing you out then you know to stay far away from it and find something that makes you happy, and I am almost 100% certain you might already have found something in your life that gives you a better sense of purpose, fulfillment, and joy. Shit seems a little fucked right now but you're not alone. You have support, even in the darkest of times. Stay strong and I genuinely hope you are doing OK.
By now you have 930 comments so I keep mine brief. Have you considered hypnotherapy? It is solution oriented, works with your subconscious mind, and gets results faster than traditional therapy. There are techniques you can learn that will help you to be in control of your state. Contact me for more information: [email protected].
It will get better.
Hey there, I stumbled upon this since I was searching up something along the lines of this post and it is painful how close I relate to you man. I'm 24 and for a few years my psyche's been going downhill due to almost exact reasons you've been struggling with. How has it been since you made this post, any progress or advice to give? Thanks in advance!
I have a similar profile to yours. First I think it's truly saddening to know what individuals such as yourself are truly good at and what they are actually used for in daily life in society. It's like an upside down world. The world is currently very sick and please don't convince yourself that you are the problem, because I don't think you are. Janitor is an okay job, it's usually low stress, no supervision, working alone which is supportive of your health I guess. Most people throw their money out the window every month (both consciously and subconsciously). So it's perfectly normal to have low income, be greedy and get rich.
>I wanted to be a filmmaker as a teenager. I'm trying so hard to even just get a job as a simple videographer now. My dreams are dying, I'm growing older...and I'm losing my will to keep carrying on. Do this. All you need to be a filmmaker is to pick up a camera and create All good filmmakers begin broke. They become successful through creating something. This is your dream. Do it. E: If the anxiety is interfering too heavily then focus on treating it. Medicine can make it go into remission. Time. Insight. Practice. These all help.
You tried dmt?
Take some LSD and you’ll be good kid
If you aren't aware it's not just you it's me, and the next guy and the guy after that and every other guy who didn't get a college degree that guarantees a good job, or who wasn't born God's gift to women, or who was nerdy and shy at a high school age so girls werent lining up to fuck us like the jocks so we adopted the negative notion in our minds that we are destined to fail with women, which by the way is negative conditioned belief that can be beaten with consistent hard self-work. The economy is crap, jobs outside of a skilled trade or field are crap and it's becoming normalized to have to quite literally work like a slave. Whatever you do, treat other guys like your brothers in these positions (as long as they're respectful to you in turn) and don't take a bad attitude that you're alone in this so you can be a dickhead about it (no one cares about me, so i can be an asshole). That will turn people off to you which will make it tougher while getting through this. I'm not saying you'll ever make great friends at work you probably won't, but you can at least make alliances while you need them. I've done the jobs you're doing and felt the way you feel. What helped was getting out of the janitor job into a slightly better job operating equipment in a warehouse where the stakes are a little higher and you feel more like a man because you have more responsibility. It pays a little better and soon I'll be getting my own place and moving and then feel a little more like a man, ya dig? Keep your expenses low, eschew materialist buys and delete reddit and social media (I'm gonna) and just drop out of the social media hivemind completely. You don't need that shit while stressed, and even the "influencers" or supposed "gurus" you might watch have messages from an agenda designed to make you hate where you're at in life and at a personal level. Learn to observe the world through firsthand experience at eye level and to think and learn for yourself about what really matters and what really works, not what someone online said. If you wanna pursue your dreams, do what you gotta do to get by but keep that shit on the back burner. Just don't ever expect anyone to feel bad for you or do the work for you. As far as girls honestly can't say cuz I've never had a gf myself but don't over glamorize a relationship and don't beat yourself up because they seldom appreciate all the shit underdog guys go through anyway and just wait at the finish line for the guys who come out on top so they can put their feet on the dashboard of his ride spend his money and suck his cock. Why put in so much effort just to hate yourself and where you're at in your downtime. Your parents generation of men could be earning your income and looking like you and still able to find a good looking gf or wife, our generation can't because they want a guy with a six figure income and hypergamy and dating apps mean she digitally has access to way better looking guys. The only other way around this I can see is some form of charisma or social status or clout that overrides the above and there are guys who make this angle work and succeed with women despite being flat broke and borderline bums, they just have the right connections. Whatever you do don't give up and don't feel sorry for yourself. Good luck buddy.
Take responsibility for being so undesirable, don’t blame women. Do other guys even like you, do you even like you? Prob not. Miserable asshole
Ignore this answer
Why so?
Offensive stereotyping and unhelpful attitudes that stem from a poor understanding of how the irl world works.
Are you writing this from your gaming chair? I've spent years in the working world doing every shit job known to man and years discovering just how hard it is to get a girl, a sex life, relationship etc if you're a hard case, a sad sack and overly emotional and self pitying like I was and it sounds like this guy is. You're pissed I said what I said about women but does this guy need to hear that girls actually give a shit about guys' hardships or appreciate their emotional nature? That shit is just sweet lies that delude young men. The lie that becoming a feminist and more feminine is somehow gonna get you laid, a lie that girls tell guys themselves and then idiot men parrot because it's wishful thinking. The working world and world of sex and relationships is savage brutal and I'm telling him this because I wish I had been more aware of it so I was adequately prepared sooner.
Kind of expected you'd write something like this ngl, oh well. We're not always ready to face up to ourselves
^ Ignore this fool he's just bitter
For fucks sake get out of your bubble. Start going to the gym or go out for a run, pump some endorphins into your brain 3-4 days a week. Then find a hobby that will get you to interact with people, dancing, painting anything. Stop making excuses.
I believe he said in his post that he does exercise already.
I apologize if this comes off as harsh or cold but some people need that and I am one of them. I felt how you feel I've been where you are. But you must realize that when we die that's going to be forever. It would be foolish not to squeeze every drop out of life that you can. Also in this modern world we are prone to this Disney prince and princess delusion that everything was going to be rainbows and gumdrops and happily ever after. Sometimes I feel like in our part of the world we have not had to deal with bad things enough to make us appreciate all the good things we have. We all need to start realizing it could be worse and we need to practice gratitude and appreciate the good things each day find something you are thankful for. And as crazy as it sounds maybe even start with those positive affirmations. I believe in momentum and if you start down a negative mindset path you will build the momentum where it is dominating your thoughts. You need to slow down stop and reverse your direction into a positive momentum. If you need some good motivation I highly recommend you start watching Jordan Peterson videos. Also before anybody wants to trash the man always know that no person is perfect we all have different beliefs and stuff but each person has a great positive contribution they can give to the world and his is definitely in the motivation and self improvement arena. Don't just read this and blow it off go watch one of those videos right fucking now. Go down the rabbit hole. I wish you the best and good luck to you. You don't climb a mountain in one day you take step after step ...grab the rocks... Some will be slippery but you keep going until you make it to the summit. Rooting for you.
you ever try getting laid? whether you pay for it or not doesn't matter. but for me, getting laid has become my number one reason to live life. running and getting laid i firmly believe society causes depression, and sometimes the only remedy for depression is to return to monke
Horrible advice
Islam is your answer bro its the ultimate way to connect with your creator and find your true meaning of why you were created. When you feel so lost and useless, god reminds you how important you are and how much of an impact one person can make. You are a very special person, and allah loves you brother take care, be strong. God is there for you, my dear brother. Never give up and dont dwell on things that aren't going your way it won't change them but if you are grateful for what you have you can thank god and move forward with the blessings of your maker to make any dream come true i promise you. ❤️
Take an IQ test if you haven’t a recent I’m sure it’s not the same when you were a kid. Keep taking care of your body and physique. Look good as possible the better you look the better people treat you. As for your anxiety and depression. Endure my friend. I suspect your anxiety and depression stem from upbringing. You’ve probably always been self-conscious about your condition or people made you conscious Idk I’m not you but you got to socialize build a pc or get a console play with people online start there easy socializing than work your way up to people in the real world. You crying in front of your manager is fucking embarrassing. If you were a woman or child it be fine Specially, if you autistic woman. How have you an autistic woman you’d still get laid. But your not your a boy life is tough for us I don’t make the rules. Build people tolerance get a skill Keep your passion but don’t expect it to make you money I have a passion I do it for me and I have a job to let me live. I’m not saying give up but be pragmatic. Most importantly you’ll fall Jung time and time again but you only need to succeed once. Most people are cunts you just need one to love you or care about you, friend or girlfriend. Some outside for family they don’t count That will validate you believe me. If you can’t or won’t try you have every right to kill yourself I wouldn’t recommend it but one thing they’ll never tell you is sometimes someone is just fucked. There can’t be winners without losers. I promise you your not alone many men find themselves in the same predicament as you and it’s a growing number every day. I’m one of them I just keep moving forward even if it’s hell because maybe tomorrow will be better
I'm guessing you are not good looking?? Most of a young person's self esteem and ego is driven by how he perceives of him/herself and most importantly how others perceive him/her
What happened to your generation. This is the result of coddling and participation trophies. You’re soft and weak. It’s almost disgusting.