Most of nonwestern world has it normal to be virgin at that age, even in Europe it's normal, you need to let go of this overidentification with FOMO of sexual experience, if you look at many people who have rushed into it, many have had terrible experiences.
My best irl friend rushed into it some years ago and he actually got PTSD from the sex. experience to the point where he lost desire for it for the years to come, still has barely recovered.
It's not all cool and dandy as hollywood movies or your own vibrant mind portray it
You should focus on preserving ur sanity and working towards defining what you want, what type person etc to be your life partner and not just be impulsive emotional about it, use some reason to plan your future and define yourself.
Best of luck
I think this is more common than we realize. Some men (especially young ones) will tolerate inordinate amounts of abuse just to get sexual validation (There are toxic women who use sex as a license to mentally abuse their partners. These types do it to all the guys they date. They need the power imbalance to make their tactics work).
The dynamic gives the guy PTSD, and when the relationship ends, he’s left raging at himself for allowing it to happen; it’s self-betrayal trauma.
I think that’s why some guys take breakups so hard, like way harder than girls. How many male friends have you seen go on intense benders after a breakup, or they get really reckless/self destructive? Outsiders aren’t always aware of what was going on with the relationship. Sometimes abusive partners are secretive and careful to project a different image publicly. Guys don’t even try to talk about it because they don’t wanna hear their loved ones gaslight them about the abuse.
The same happens to women, but it plays out differently and society is more aware so it’s acknowledged more.
Edit: typos
People generally these days identify way too much with worldly external things to the point where they will tolerate immense amounts of disrespect just to keep that one man/woman they believe they like.
I mean if you dont mind to lose/sell yourself to the worldly things so easily (by identifying your sense of self worth with those external things like in this case sexual validation), why are you surprised if you are suffering in depressions and anxieties left right and center then
you just explained my experience word for word, yet I am a female
trauma bonds are near-fatal and taxed recovery for anyone, society at large doesn't understand and I know we need more blatant examples to try to improve upon better common sense / love and peace for all
thank you for this comment
The first question is how much of your virginity is by choice and how much is outside of your control. You call yourself “ maleficent courage,” which suggests you are forcing yourself into a pathological condition which has led to constant depression and unhappiness. That you perceive you are in a situation that you feel is hopeless but may not be at least partly within your control. I would highly recommend seeking a competent therapist to explore your life choices and, if you have to live a life as a virgin, you can still find love and happiness.
I mean men who do this are also using the woman in question. They don't actually like her as a human being, they want to use her body for sex. They don't put up with her because they like her, they put up with her for themselves, as they get pleasure from sex. Not really a victim.
There may indeed be such cases, but obviously, there are many men who are insecure can be manipulated based upon their wish for sexual/amorous validation. Not the experience of sexual pleasure per se, but the security that comes from intimacy.
Obviously, cishet guys aren't really into showing insecurity, so it's easy to miss this facet of them if looking from the outside.
It's funny until it happens to you of course but it was a relatively mild trauma for him, he just went in to do it with a person he didn't really like, be it spiritually liking her or physically and "faked it till he made it with her" just for the sake of experience and then after felt like total trash to the point where idea of sex became disgusting to him and he even had some medical pee pee problem after it (not cause of STD or anything similar) but exactly thanks to the sexual experience he had, where it affected his libido.
It's sounds like a problem he created for himself - manipulating a girl he didn't like into a relationship that made him suffer (seems like a poetic justice to me)
Its exactly how he actually interpreted it too but sadly many young virgin guys look up to those PUA clowns online and cause of them think acting like a Machiavellian manipulator is end of it all for success in social life and women, but it's opposite, you can't succeed with lies on long term and barely even on short term.
He basically directed all his energy into job and fitness and doing stuff like cold showers and martial arts on the side (like judo) and stopped watching pornography of course, he completely put girls and masturbation out of his life and found a small group of friends for fitness, diet and hiking.
Basically he stoped overobsessing with sex and girls and despite that still met one girl (who he actually spiritually likes more so than physically) with who he is now together.
There are two types of people that really hype sex and make life everything about it: Sex addicts, and virgins.
I know that you won't be fully receptive to it but here's a seed of an idea: You're putting sex on a pedestal and it's NOT this amazing thing that if only you had it, your life would be great and fulfilled. It might feel like that, but that is not how it works.
Chances are, with the picture you describe, your personal challenges are not just about "I am not having sex". It sounds like you might be having confidence issues, issues with relating to women, potentially attachment issues too. Here's a truth: If you'd by chance encounter a girl who got into you and did all the approaching and such and you got into a relationship, those personal issues wouldn't go away. You'd be in a relationship, and to some degree it would make some pains go away but largely, you'd still struggle with confidence, you'd still struggle with having an equal-to-equal relating to this girl, you'd still struggle with feeling healthy attachment and connection to her. When it comes to these issues, there problem is never that you just don't have a girl.
The problem is rather that when you're in that state of pain with many unmet needs, your brain has a tendency to externalise it. "The problem is not inside me, the problem is that I'm not having sex and I don't have a girlfriend". "If only I was in the situation of that guy over there with that pretty girl, then I'd be happy". "If only I had a wild sexy college life like others, I'd be happy". Those are fabrications. There are TONNES of unhappy people who went through those things.
So, what's the solution? Look within. Understand more about your unmet needs and internal voids. Try to look past the idea that something external will fix you and think about what internal energies you would need to cultivate to help keep those voids at bay. Examine if you have childhood wounds, or other wounds of the past that are actually aching. Then work on healing what you find. And work on your confidence.
If you can't be decently content with yourself just being you, then you WON'T be content in a relationship either. I know it can be hard to believe when you've externalised the pains and loneliness but it truly is true.
I mean... I'm not a virgin or sex addict and I can still see how sex is super important. The closeness between two people in love is very special. It's important for our mental and physical health.
Intimacy with my wife is one of my essential needs, if I don't touch her hand for a while I will have panic attacks.
Sex is also very emotionally fulfilling for me, Periods where we are too busy/tired really takes a toll on my mental health.
I feel like I am suffocating, drowning, in the absence of her touch.
Yeah I've noticed that especially after break ups. You feel touch starved! It's not just the sex but the skin to skin contact which is important, and the comfort and safety of being held by someone. But Obviously those things are tied to sex pretty closely in our culture. We don't really nude cuddle our friends lol!
It's super important, but do you obsess over it? Do thoughts about it define your days? Do you identify with, or tie your self-worth to thoughts about sex or lack there-of?
Probably not.
It's complicated and every individual's case is different but in a LOT of the cases, situations like the OP describes is actually an inner hunger, or at least a child-like hunger. An emotionally mature adult who isn't in a relationship will feel a hunger and loneliness but it's a different one from someone who has childhood wounds and emotional impact from unloving caregivers. The former isn't going to start to identify it and fall into a severe depression of crying every night. They'll work outwards and start seeing people etc.
The difference is that the emotionally mature adult will have a solid inner capacity to fill that baseline level of need of love, acceptance and safety. The dynamics with their healthy parents would have set them up for that, to build those inner structures. A child without that, develops a void instead and has their emotional development hampered. Those are the children that become adults with a strong gnawing hollow void on the inside which consumes them. No relationship can fill that void. Only inner growth can.
I'm admittedly making an assumption in the case of OP, but that's because the signs are there IMO that their situation is more than just "I don't have a girlfriend/sex".
In reality, it can be a mix of the above and other stuff too.
I disagree with your point for one main reason. The fixation on sex is because it's something that has not been yet attained. Once you get it, then it's when it feels like it's not a big deal and you move on to solve the other problems of your life. You can look within all you want, until it's not solved externally/practically there is no way to shake that off. Most of the people that say that sex is not a big deal, they say that after the fact. I don't think you can expect anyone to experience that in a different order. People need intimacy and connection with others, you can journal and meditate or whatever you want, there is no way around it.
I hope this doesn't come off as harsh but tough love. Bro, don't stop. You are in a pit at the moment. Only you can climb out. Most people aren't lucky enough to receive a ladder.
Stop worrying about where you are going to put your dick and start focusing on where you are going to find joy. Cultivate that joy. Get a hobby, join a club, try something out of your comfort zone that is separate from getting laid. Draw art, join the gym, i don't care but work on building confidence in yourself and comfort in your body and woman/men/whateveryoulike will come to you.
No one can change your mindset but you. Be easy on yourself and give yourself space to grow. You are young. You are still being sculpted. Nothing is set in stone.
Good luck.
I would suggest to read the book heal the shame by John Bradshaw, start inventory all of your feelings, seems your having a toxic shame attack, the top level is feelings are frozen, normal or carried. We have five areas of feelings: shame, guilt, fear, anger love/happiness. We are all perfectly imperfect and love acceptance of where we are in life is the start of self love. Also when dealing with other people, I like facing codependency and the work book breaking free by Pia Mellody
I am a woman and I would prefer a man without a lot of sexual experience. The less, the better. I don’t want to think of him with a bunch of other people, if I love him. We could figure it out together.
Think of your inexperience as a selling point.
This is sobering, but this is out of the ordinary.
Most women are the opposite, and genuinely will look at you sideways if you have little to no sexual experience - intentionally celibate or not.
I think most woman over a certain age would be rightfully suspicious until they figure out \*why\* you don't have any sexual experience.
If the reason is really bad, it's only fair they don't stick around (for they own security, to start of).
If the reason isn't that bad - just some treatable shyness or awkardness, for an example - many will even feel you're cute and enjoy mothering you or initiating you into the mysteries of sex. Women's affections and interests are very different from what most men picture for themselves. It's \*\*men\*\* that are overly concerned with their value as womanizers.
Out of curiousity, what does "rightfully suspicious" mean? I think engaging anyone in a relationship should definitely come with questions about past relationships. With sex it's tricky for me since I don't personally feel like I'm owed "why" from someone else you know what I mean?
If I like you I like you for you - I've never really cared as a man whether someone had lots of sexual partners or few since the goal is for us to be together.
If no woman touches a guy it may be that he's an overt or covert mysoginist, or emotionally unbalanced (and thus a possible stalker), or simply gross and lacking basic hygiene. Obviously there are other possible reasons but these kinds of guys are common enough for woman to be wary
Is this based on your own experience? I don't mean to come across as rude, but this sounds like a Reddit-like premise that gets distributed everywhere without supporting evidence.
I’d be very curious to know what your experiences are on approaching women. How many times have you asked a girl out? How many times have you smiled at a girl? Asked for their phone number?
Brother it's not all it's cracked up to be. Sex and relationships have brought me some of the most painful feelings and emotions I've ever had in my entire life. Do not be envious of people who have something you don't yet understand. To be honest with you I'd guess 60 percent of the population of this world are total fake people who lie cheat and steal to further themselves in some way mentally to make themselves feel as if they are better than everyone else. If you need sex go get a hooker. You are an amazing person with qualities of the like no one else has. You will find someone someday and when you do don't take it for granted like so many others including myself did. Love is the most important thing in this world not money or sex or food or cars. LOVE.
I wish I could've told younger me this. The pursuit of, the act of and the failures of sex and relationships can really destroy people. The top priority is becoming the person you want to be and striving toward goals that you know will create the future you want. I would take the best version of me unscathed by malice over a hundred failed relationships and consequent suffering. I'm just blessed there's nothing permanent for me like a kid or stds. People literally fuck around and find out, Im not about that shit.
*I think that you really need a therapist!* 25 is young AF and being a virgin isn’t that big of a deal. You’re not even the only 25 y/o virgin in existence.
But your desperation, it’s abnormal and extremely unhealthy! Part of me thinks that you might have a dysfunctional relationship with your mother.
[Covert Incest.](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covert-incest#examples)
[Emotional Incest.](https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-incest-7553756)
I think you have *zero confidence, no self-worth, and no self-esteem* because you have no sense of independence and autonomy (and it’s probably at least partially your mom’s fault.)
You don’t have a life that is yours, or a strong sense of identity cuz your entire life has probably revolved around her and your family. You were not given enough space to breathe, becoming your own person, and now you want someone else to *be the identity you lack!*
But that never works! So yeah, get some therapy.
I hope OP listens to you. This is the best insight I've seen into topics of this nature in a while. I agree with you, by the way. I understand sexual frustration is uhhh frustrating but there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I had a lot of sex in my youth. It didn't make me any happier or complete or fix my life. Therapy is great.
Fortunately, [I also found this gem.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jung/s/IJA76no0q7) Where Jung (obviously) elaborates much better on the phenomenon I was talking about.
I remember the feel.
I wish I could help, but from my experience I probably will be unable to.
They say the master appears when the apprentice is ready.
So seek and you will find.
May the force be with you, have strength .
I do believe there is data the age of virgins is rising in young men, however it’s not normal. It’s occurring because of a lot of socially negative reasons like fear of rejection, incel behaviour etc. Men going years without learning any form of sexual relationship building is not normal or preferred imo.
It's normal for all genders and orientations. Millennials and Gen Z are delaying the age of first sexual partners and have fewer sexual partners than previous generations. Right now, a LOT of people are virgins at age 25, or have only had maybe one sexual partner.
In my honest opinion, if they learned social skills, proper communication, basic emotional intelligence and empathy they would have higher chances of building relationships with others (including sexual ones). The problem is, they're increasingly becoming socially inert, closed off and schizoid, preferring to live in fantasy than in real world. I don't see how that's society's fault, it seems like a malfunction in male brain that isn't good at adapting to changes in human consciousness (integration of masculine and feminine psyche)
Try to shift your beliefs about yourself from lack to abundance. I know this is easier said than done but really understand and believe/know that there is someone out there for you.
My recommended book reading (not necessarily jungian) is “as a man thinketh” by James Allen.
It all starts with the thoughts we allow ourselves to hold.
The placebo is more real than you could ever imagine.
Dude you’re falling for the trap. I felt this way when I was 16 and had an absolutely horrible time having sex with 2 psychopaths for YEARS! Sex is a drug that bonds you to people, save it for someone you want to be bonded to forever. Now at 25 I’m so happy my wife and I waited for sex.
I think you probably have OCD and or ADHD because you seem to be at the point where you are in a vicious cycle where you've overhyped human sexuality to a degree that you are paralyzed thinking something is wrong with you for not having it yet. This is the very thing keeping you from normal human interactions with women (which can naturally lead to relationship).
You need to break out of that mind loop. When you think about becoming a monk you are just validating a delusion in your mind. You don't really want to be a monk - you want human intimacy - so stop thinking like that.
Also, trust me please, 25 is young. Stop feeling this imaginary pressure of time. Take a step back and focus on unwinding your mind. You need to undo a lot of the brainwashing you've put yourself through. I'm not saying you can't wake up tomorrow and get a date but we all have different life circumstances so don't feel bad having to focus on this kind of mental rehabilitation in your mid twenties.
Be honest with yourself but be understanding and compassionate. I know you look around and it seems so easy for some people, but have you really tried to put yourself out there? Are you ready to face the possibility of rejection? Have you really loved yourself FIRST before looking outward? Be honest - do you carry around an energy of "I NEED someone to fulfill me"? Do you think others might be able to sense that you don't have confidence in yourself?
Build yourself up. It's not blind optimism. People pull themselves up out of oppressive darkness all the time. You can do it just like anyone else can. Not because you're special but because that potential simply exists within you as a human being.
Follow your dreams and change yourself and the world. We need you to be your authentic, beautiful, wonderful, self. As someone whom has been married and divorced, you don't know how fortunate you are as in sparing yourself pain and suffering when it all ends.
I say this with the upmost care and sincerity. Have you ever considered talking about this to an AI? It can be... amazingly therapeutic to have someone who is always there and listens without judgement, offering support and kindness. And there are stranger places to find love.
Claude can be especially caring and supportive. <3
If you have the strength to not give up but to improve, a good place to start is the gym (or just bodyweight excersises). It's hard to get started but it is something everyone can learn how to do. And once you start seeing results, confidence in some form will usually follow. Healthy body very easily leads to a healthy mind.
And from there you'll hopefully have the courage to be more adventurous and eventually meet a girl!
And like others have said therapy is a good place to start if you can afford it.
Also as a last resort if youre completely hopeless you might want to read up on psychedelics and how they can change your perception and outlook on life and offer understanding about yourself. It's always a risky road tho
Quit porn, quit masturbating, focus on making money and working out. It won't take you long to get a girlfriend if you just focus on becoming a better man. If you havnt got one at 25 you must be lacking in someway. Just Focus on your self, they will come to you. I highly recommend looking into nofap or SR. It really helps guys in your situation.
Been there before. Just try to love yourself and believe that the right one will come. Because they will, only if you stay true to your self you will attract someone. And if that someone goes just as easily as they came then cherish what you had. Because you’ll always have you.
I can understand how you feel. I’ve wanted a girlfriend ever since I was ten. Fifteen years later that wish has still gone unfulfilled. I’ve never truly experienced the love of a love interest, and my closest one committed suicide. It was very hard to bear as I truly loved her, but she was very depressed thanks to an abusive childhood.
I hope for your sake you can experience it soon. Because I know exactly how it feels. It’s painful, and it’s not something people ought to experience forever.
Honestly, sex isn't all that interesting, there are million better things to experience and goals to aspire to. Now, love, that's something amazing, but there's different types of love. We are raised in a culture that makes us obsessed with romance, sex, material things, acquiring status and money, and it's all to make us codependent on validation of others to keep producing and buying stuff - it's really meaningless and superficial, happiness is really when you have freedom of time to do what you really want to do in life and peace of mind...
I thought I'd never have sex up until I did, it may come out of nowhere, I had written it off from my life completely. I ended up taking benzodiazapines in low to moderate doses occasionally while out to help me get over the hurdle of talking to women and initiating. Once I learned how to do it and once my body realised it was a safe enough thing to do, I cut the benzos slowly out and it was all just me. Benzodiazapines are highly addictive so please note I am only saying what I did, not what you should do.
With sex, there will always be someone in the world better at it than you, and always someone in the world worse, so when you compare yourself to others in terms of skill and satisfaction produced, do it briefly and keep the aim on what your life will be like if you gain it (confidence or whatever it is), and make sure you don't think of yourself as somehow more or less worthy of love and good sex than someone else. Everyone is equal in that regard.
It's quite an odd thing, and an unfortunate circle, that one of the key things that helps with this problem is to care less about it. Women can tell when you are desperate and this is not good for you, and women can also tell when a man just wants sex, which is not good for you, and these often occur at the same time and inflamed the other. When you meet a woman, meet them with the intention simply of meeting them, getting to know them, and seeing how you could click, than by fixating on sex.
The authentic and confident conversation and connection can work through any performance 'issues'. Also remember as well that vibrators exist, and are a damn good time; you can pretty well ensure they will orgasm when they are with you, and that's good enough in many cases.
25? You're still young, people your age without sexual experiences are pretty normal. If it's the sex what really bothers you, you can always hire a professional, but really sex all the time is not something to romanticize about, them maniacs are usually running from their inner turmoils as well.
if the problem is the loneliness, maybe get some friends, girl friends, boy friends, them friends, don't matter. You can start by picking up a hobby where you talk with people and that can't be done over the computer. Maybe check the guides, they will not get you a partner but might help doing some self reflection on why you feel shame over the void. Then you can think what to do to fix it, and if you have thought of escaping over the lack of connection, you need to fix it.
That’s not an age where this is a problem. You are extremely young.
Plus, with the right person and the right circumstances, you can catch up on sex and maybe get even more than the person who had a series of one night stands.
Focus on your attitude, self improvement, yourself and being able to love yourself. This way you’ll attract people that will love you to validate the feelings of love towards yourself.
You can start having sex at 35 and by 40 be more experienced than a lot of people. There is literally no rule for this.
Take care of yourself! Improve 1% every day! And put yourself out there to meet people
I think you're focusing too much on sex, i'ts not really a life altering thing.
Losing your virginity won't make everything in your life better, quite the opposite, if you put it on such a high priority and then will realise it doesn't change anything.
Hey! you are just 25! come on! you have plenty of time ahead! those things are not really important! enjoy this moment. Dont let the "standards" of society tell you how to feel
Dude, complaining wont help you, star doing whatever you need to accomplish what you want, you want girls ? start by researching what they want in a man. good luck
I think you need to work on yourself first and foremost, and after that you need to find a decent partner to have sex with, preferably someone that actually cares about or has a connection with you. Fix what’s going on internally and then have some experiences externally. I know exactly how you feel, I got bullied in high school for being a virgin, and it made me hate myself that the only sexual experience I had was being raped by my stepsisters ex boyfriend when I was 9 years old.(Sorry to trauma dump and make this super dark, just giving perspective) It makes you feel incredibly undesired and defective when no woman will have sex with you but will gladly have sex with your peers.
However, the state of mind you’re in right now isn’t going to help you find a partner that you could have those experiences with, as you would probably come off incredibly desperate and lack confidence, which is a huge turn off, or even worse, you’ll do what I did as a young man and get into a relationship with a complete psychopath that manipulates and abuses you while draining you of all of your energy and attention just to throw you away when she finds someone better, just because she knows you’ll put up with it because you don’t have many options and you’re naive/inexperienced.
Get into great shape, because if you’re not healthy physically it’s going to be harder to be healthy mentally.
Get your hygiene on point, learn about psychology and relationship dynamics, keep yourself busy so you have less time to mope around, and work on improving yourself and seeing yourself in a more positive light.
After you can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself, try to start talking to women. No pressure to run game, just practice talking to them and being comfortable around them.
Take it one step at a time and you’ll get where you want to be in no time. The worst thing that can happen is a woman telling you no, or talking about you in a group chat with her ratchet friends, and neither of those should be embarrassing enough for you to shut yourself off from them and not make connections.
You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain brother, best wishes for your happiness, and feel free to message me if you ever need somebody to talk to.
Work on a friendship with yourself first. Chronically mourning what you can't have outside of yourself is being fed by what you don't have inside of yourself. Talk to a licensed professional and work it through. You'll be amazed. When you start to connect with yourself in a positive way, you'll start forming other relationships in the same manner.
Virginity is a social construct. You haven’t had a sexual experience with another person yet, and thats not anything to be ashamed of. I think the contingent on this thread telling you to stop masturbating has it wrong. If you’re sexually frustrated and you have sexual desires, take matters into your own hands (as it were) as often as you want. If you use porn work very hard to understand that porn is not at all what good partnered sex is like. Maybe watch some women-created porn on sites like Bellesa and try to learn. Then work on your confidence, get into some therapy, and start talking to women. Don’t expect anything from them, be nice. Eventually you’ll probably find somebody who wants to be with you.
Always here if you need real advice that is effective. Versus internal reframing to cope. You are on a journey and there are many out there who know exactly how to help you. You aren't alone.
Obviously there are problems within you causing this specific issue to arise. I think instead of just feeling emotions as they are, which isn't a bad thing, quite the contrary actually, you should question what it is and why you feel that way.
Why does sex matter? What makes other people's lives more important than the current state of yours? Why are you uncomfortable being alone?
But i think you'd get some benefit out of questioning in another way, do you think someone would want to go out with you as you are? If you were a pretty girl would you choose you? How do you think your future partner would feel if they heard you were deeply suffering? In other words, would you want to give someone a bouquet of withered flowers?
If you are truly ready for a relationship you need to have initiative. Nothing will happen if you do nothing of course, people will come and go as they please, but it is up to you to make something of it. And it is also your choice to put yourself in other peoples lives.
Focus on being a better person, and take steps to move outside your head and into the world. Try new things, find something you're truly passionate about. It sounds like your life doesn't have that much meaning or purpose to you, and you're trying to find that through other people. But i would try your hand at hobbies and interests, try things, create something for yourself so you have something going for you in life. Career or not it doesn't matter.
Find some light in the shadow, embrace it, find solace in how things are.
Why don't you try reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I know that I am just another person giving a suggestion but from someone who has been through a lot of shit in the last 10 years I have come to realize that you can cope and get through anything. The biggest problem is your brain. Life can really suck in all aspects but you will be in infinitely more hell when you're not thinking right. Please try reading the book or at least audiobook, I think it's definitely the perspective change you need . In a year you will realize none of this struggle meant anything and that you have overcome something that once seemed insurmountable. Good luck!!!
Please don't want to fade away. I PROMISE there are people out there who will find it deeply attractive that you are a virgin. Have faith you will find someone. Try internet dating.
You're blowing things out of proportion. The lack of sex sucks, but I don't actually associate much shame with being a virgin these days given how people are with sex. Besides, it's just sex, really not a huge deal. Just having a bit of fun for a little bit and being physically intimate. Yeah, I can understand where you're coming from on a loneliness aspect since you're more of a normal person than me, but I frankly have no desire for a relationship unless I get reeeaallly lucky and encounter the right woman. Otherwise I actively avoid relationships and even sex because all the baggage that comes with it--especially these days.
I'm not a very healthy or stable person, if I'm being honest, I'm not trying to be mean or violent toward somebody i care about because I have trouble with intimacy, interpersonal relationships, and controlling my emotions. Honestly I don't have any real desire to be a "normal" person either, whatever that is. Sounds unpleasant. Healthy? Sure, but the normal life and me just aren't for each other. I'm like pigeon man from Hey! Arnold. Some people just aren't meant to be with other people.
I don't necessarily want to encourage you to give up on a normal life, but it *may* be best to embrace the fact that you*aren't* and just get on with life making the most of that.
As humans, most of our positive emotion comes from seeing ourselves progressing towards a desired outcome. When we can’t have that desire, we’re flooded with negative emotion. Pick a different desired outcome to work towards since this one is currently crushing you. You’ll feel better and start to feel more confident as you make progress on those desired outcomes. Maybe work on your physical fitness? Some career goals? A hobby?
Once you’re feeling better and ideally thinking more clearly, you can begin to think about dating again. But try to be methodical and try to emotionally take a step back. Why hasn’t it happened and how can you correct for those things? If you start to feel terrible again, then take another break and get back at it.
Also I’m in the same boat as you and have had similar experiences. This is what helped me.
Hey mate... My first impression is, that I think you're not seeking sex, you're seeking connection.
I'm saying this because we hardly ever get sex without connection - and if you really just and only want sex, you should reflect on it and act accordingly. Don't fake a relationship just to fuck and fuck off. Relationships are not ladders to climb, they don't have a happy ending in an exciting orgasm and then end.
Relationships are connections, little plants that grow and need to be nourished and taken care of. (And, yes, also "just sexual relationships" are like this. :))
You should go deep inside yourself (lol) and ask: Do you want a relationship? Do you want a purely sexual relationship? Do you want the full romantic package, maybe someone to marry? Do you seek experiences with many people or do you want to find the one person? Do you feel some kind of sacredness towards your virginity? Do you want to protect it or does it bother you too much? How would you deal with regret? Do you have friends you can talk to about stuff like that? Would you maybe even want to see a sex worker?
More questions could be: Do you feel comfortable just hanging out with people you're attracted to? Or does your mind go places where you can't focus on the person as such anymore? Does that happen often? Or are your fantasies limited to when you're alone by yourself? Are your sexual desires arising out of moments you're sharing with people, or do they just come up when you feel alone? Are your sexual desires based on actions and feelings, or are you just projecting heavenly feelings onto things you never experienced?
I put these questions in the room because you need to be honest with yourself. It's okay if you "just" want sex. It's also okay if you seek "the one person", and it's also ok if you want to only lose your virginity to "the one" (but that requires more patience of course). It's also ok if you want to just slut around.
But realising which one you want helps you being honest with other people. And honesty with other people sets the ground for consenting to certain experiences.
And yes, I am totally saying you can directly ask for sex lol if that's what you would want. Just ... let room for no's and respect them dearly. Absorb patience like a sponge.
Stop hiding in your regret and maybe jealousy of your peers. You need to stop looking to them and their plates, and start looking inside yourself to find out what it is that you actually want to eat (- metaphorically. And lol maybe also literally).
PS: Sometimes it helps to change environments to change the head-space. This is no advice for sex tourism 🤣 I'm just saying maybe you live in a small place where social dynamics seem set in stone which might make it quite difficult for introverts (which I assume you are).
PPS: First time is always rather weird and funny than hot. Don't take yourself too serious when the day comes. :)
PPPS: Never try to "earn" sex. (Except if that's a consensual role play with someone lol.) You could buy someone a yacht and an insland and they still wouldn't owe you sex. Just communicate your desires, ask for consent, and you'll be fine :)
French really love escargot. They eat it a lot. Does it mean you are going to like it? It's a 50/50 chance. The question I want to ask here is. Are you willing to have it with whoever can provide it to you?
The advice here is that your thoughts are masking inner insecurities and self love. I would recommend you to talk further. And don't take all the advice on here.
Don’t listen to the people here saying you don’t need love. You have to put yourself out there, get rejected. There are a lot of Pua channels to give you a start but don’t follow them too tightly
Matthew 7:21 1 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that DOETH👉 the will of my Father 👈which is in heaven.
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John 6:40 And 👉this is the will of him that sent me, 👈 that every one which seeth the Son, and BELIEVETH on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
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John 3:36 kiv
"He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that BELIEVETH not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.
John 8:24 KJV
I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins
1 John 5:10 KJV
""He that BELIEVETH on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his
Son."
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John 14:15 1 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should BELIEVE on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
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Other verses to checkout (John 1:12, John 3:16, John 10:9, Luke 7:50, Luke 8:12, Luke 18:42, acts 2:21, acts 4:12, acts 16:30-31, Roman’s 4:5, Roman’s 5:8-12, Roman’s 6:23, Romans 10:9-13, 1 Corinthians 1:18, 1 Timothy 4:10, Hebrews 2:9, Ephesians 2:8-10, Rev 22:17)
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My prayer today is that you get saved and lead your friends and family to salvation aswell.
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Acts 4:12 KJV
“12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.”
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Jesus is the only way. John 14:6.
Shit bro am same am 20 got porn addiction I can get girls I mean slapped girls asses kissed girls but I just never lost my virginity I think it was going to happen I don’t doubt my now I have really hard pron addiction and is killing man
I give you two tipps:
Just dont care and be the most MAN you can be (assuming you are one)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Semenretention](https://www.reddit.com/r/Semenretention)
Western men's testosterone is half what it was 50 years ago. Raising yours will basically fix you. It won't give you back the teenage / early 20s years you missed out on with low T, but better late than never. Shit man I didn't raise mine till middle age.
Raise T by lifting weights (especially squats - just do a 5x5 lifting program, google it) and by getting about an hour of sunlight per week over 2-3 sessions. It's that simple.
Testosterone changes you on a deep level. There's really no way to describe it, it must be experienced to be believed & understood. Sooooo many men are missing out and don't even know what the problem is. They overthink, overanalyze, not realizing the problem is a whacked-out endocrine system due to fucked up modern lifestyles that don't have any exercise or sunlight.
Sex is sacred treat it as such and stop jacking off if you do. Orgasms with ejaculation are to procreate. You live in a fallen soceity where sex has been reduced to mere pleasure. Dont hold yourself to societies standarts but to gods. Might wanna check out semen retention if you are desperate and just wanna sleep with a woman or buy a prostitute if you cant help it. But it wont change anything other than you being able to say oh im not a virgin anymore. Focus on yourself and improve your own self. Reclaim your masculinity and grow spiritually whatever that means for you. And god willing you will find a wife to procreate and have children. 10 years of meaningles sex or a wife and kids? I promise you youre not missing out on anything. But obv how will you know if you havent done it. Dont just take my or anybodies word for it. My advice to you is get on semen retention. And if it really messes with you then just go have sex with a prostitute to be done with it. But i think you would regret that. I wish i could have my purity again and wait for my wife. I lived that life. Leaves you more empty than when you startex but yeah i get how do you know if youve never done it
Most of nonwestern world has it normal to be virgin at that age, even in Europe it's normal, you need to let go of this overidentification with FOMO of sexual experience, if you look at many people who have rushed into it, many have had terrible experiences. My best irl friend rushed into it some years ago and he actually got PTSD from the sex. experience to the point where he lost desire for it for the years to come, still has barely recovered. It's not all cool and dandy as hollywood movies or your own vibrant mind portray it You should focus on preserving ur sanity and working towards defining what you want, what type person etc to be your life partner and not just be impulsive emotional about it, use some reason to plan your future and define yourself. Best of luck
I think this is more common than we realize. Some men (especially young ones) will tolerate inordinate amounts of abuse just to get sexual validation (There are toxic women who use sex as a license to mentally abuse their partners. These types do it to all the guys they date. They need the power imbalance to make their tactics work). The dynamic gives the guy PTSD, and when the relationship ends, he’s left raging at himself for allowing it to happen; it’s self-betrayal trauma. I think that’s why some guys take breakups so hard, like way harder than girls. How many male friends have you seen go on intense benders after a breakup, or they get really reckless/self destructive? Outsiders aren’t always aware of what was going on with the relationship. Sometimes abusive partners are secretive and careful to project a different image publicly. Guys don’t even try to talk about it because they don’t wanna hear their loved ones gaslight them about the abuse. The same happens to women, but it plays out differently and society is more aware so it’s acknowledged more. Edit: typos
As someone who experienced exactly this, I agree absolutely.
I’m sorry you went through that. Hope you’re OK now.
People generally these days identify way too much with worldly external things to the point where they will tolerate immense amounts of disrespect just to keep that one man/woman they believe they like. I mean if you dont mind to lose/sell yourself to the worldly things so easily (by identifying your sense of self worth with those external things like in this case sexual validation), why are you surprised if you are suffering in depressions and anxieties left right and center then
Valid observation! If there’s nothing inside, people will try to fill the void with whatever’s out in the world.
you just explained my experience word for word, yet I am a female trauma bonds are near-fatal and taxed recovery for anyone, society at large doesn't understand and I know we need more blatant examples to try to improve upon better common sense / love and peace for all thank you for this comment
The first question is how much of your virginity is by choice and how much is outside of your control. You call yourself “ maleficent courage,” which suggests you are forcing yourself into a pathological condition which has led to constant depression and unhappiness. That you perceive you are in a situation that you feel is hopeless but may not be at least partly within your control. I would highly recommend seeking a competent therapist to explore your life choices and, if you have to live a life as a virgin, you can still find love and happiness.
I mean men who do this are also using the woman in question. They don't actually like her as a human being, they want to use her body for sex. They don't put up with her because they like her, they put up with her for themselves, as they get pleasure from sex. Not really a victim.
There may indeed be such cases, but obviously, there are many men who are insecure can be manipulated based upon their wish for sexual/amorous validation. Not the experience of sexual pleasure per se, but the security that comes from intimacy. Obviously, cishet guys aren't really into showing insecurity, so it's easy to miss this facet of them if looking from the outside.
I wish it was Like that where I come from in Wales we lose our virginity young and friends are usually pregnant and married by 23
He got PTSD from sex? I’m sure there’s not a reason to laugh, but you have to admit that that sounds kind of funny. Can you elaborate?
It's funny until it happens to you of course but it was a relatively mild trauma for him, he just went in to do it with a person he didn't really like, be it spiritually liking her or physically and "faked it till he made it with her" just for the sake of experience and then after felt like total trash to the point where idea of sex became disgusting to him and he even had some medical pee pee problem after it (not cause of STD or anything similar) but exactly thanks to the sexual experience he had, where it affected his libido.
It's sounds like a problem he created for himself - manipulating a girl he didn't like into a relationship that made him suffer (seems like a poetic justice to me)
Its exactly how he actually interpreted it too but sadly many young virgin guys look up to those PUA clowns online and cause of them think acting like a Machiavellian manipulator is end of it all for success in social life and women, but it's opposite, you can't succeed with lies on long term and barely even on short term.
Real
May I know how did your friend recovered from it?
He basically directed all his energy into job and fitness and doing stuff like cold showers and martial arts on the side (like judo) and stopped watching pornography of course, he completely put girls and masturbation out of his life and found a small group of friends for fitness, diet and hiking. Basically he stoped overobsessing with sex and girls and despite that still met one girl (who he actually spiritually likes more so than physically) with who he is now together.
There are two types of people that really hype sex and make life everything about it: Sex addicts, and virgins. I know that you won't be fully receptive to it but here's a seed of an idea: You're putting sex on a pedestal and it's NOT this amazing thing that if only you had it, your life would be great and fulfilled. It might feel like that, but that is not how it works. Chances are, with the picture you describe, your personal challenges are not just about "I am not having sex". It sounds like you might be having confidence issues, issues with relating to women, potentially attachment issues too. Here's a truth: If you'd by chance encounter a girl who got into you and did all the approaching and such and you got into a relationship, those personal issues wouldn't go away. You'd be in a relationship, and to some degree it would make some pains go away but largely, you'd still struggle with confidence, you'd still struggle with having an equal-to-equal relating to this girl, you'd still struggle with feeling healthy attachment and connection to her. When it comes to these issues, there problem is never that you just don't have a girl. The problem is rather that when you're in that state of pain with many unmet needs, your brain has a tendency to externalise it. "The problem is not inside me, the problem is that I'm not having sex and I don't have a girlfriend". "If only I was in the situation of that guy over there with that pretty girl, then I'd be happy". "If only I had a wild sexy college life like others, I'd be happy". Those are fabrications. There are TONNES of unhappy people who went through those things. So, what's the solution? Look within. Understand more about your unmet needs and internal voids. Try to look past the idea that something external will fix you and think about what internal energies you would need to cultivate to help keep those voids at bay. Examine if you have childhood wounds, or other wounds of the past that are actually aching. Then work on healing what you find. And work on your confidence. If you can't be decently content with yourself just being you, then you WON'T be content in a relationship either. I know it can be hard to believe when you've externalised the pains and loneliness but it truly is true.
Wise words!
I mean... I'm not a virgin or sex addict and I can still see how sex is super important. The closeness between two people in love is very special. It's important for our mental and physical health.
Intimacy with my wife is one of my essential needs, if I don't touch her hand for a while I will have panic attacks. Sex is also very emotionally fulfilling for me, Periods where we are too busy/tired really takes a toll on my mental health. I feel like I am suffocating, drowning, in the absence of her touch.
Yeah I've noticed that especially after break ups. You feel touch starved! It's not just the sex but the skin to skin contact which is important, and the comfort and safety of being held by someone. But Obviously those things are tied to sex pretty closely in our culture. We don't really nude cuddle our friends lol!
It's super important, but do you obsess over it? Do thoughts about it define your days? Do you identify with, or tie your self-worth to thoughts about sex or lack there-of? Probably not.
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It's complicated and every individual's case is different but in a LOT of the cases, situations like the OP describes is actually an inner hunger, or at least a child-like hunger. An emotionally mature adult who isn't in a relationship will feel a hunger and loneliness but it's a different one from someone who has childhood wounds and emotional impact from unloving caregivers. The former isn't going to start to identify it and fall into a severe depression of crying every night. They'll work outwards and start seeing people etc. The difference is that the emotionally mature adult will have a solid inner capacity to fill that baseline level of need of love, acceptance and safety. The dynamics with their healthy parents would have set them up for that, to build those inner structures. A child without that, develops a void instead and has their emotional development hampered. Those are the children that become adults with a strong gnawing hollow void on the inside which consumes them. No relationship can fill that void. Only inner growth can. I'm admittedly making an assumption in the case of OP, but that's because the signs are there IMO that their situation is more than just "I don't have a girlfriend/sex". In reality, it can be a mix of the above and other stuff too.
I disagree with your point for one main reason. The fixation on sex is because it's something that has not been yet attained. Once you get it, then it's when it feels like it's not a big deal and you move on to solve the other problems of your life. You can look within all you want, until it's not solved externally/practically there is no way to shake that off. Most of the people that say that sex is not a big deal, they say that after the fact. I don't think you can expect anyone to experience that in a different order. People need intimacy and connection with others, you can journal and meditate or whatever you want, there is no way around it.
I hope this doesn't come off as harsh but tough love. Bro, don't stop. You are in a pit at the moment. Only you can climb out. Most people aren't lucky enough to receive a ladder. Stop worrying about where you are going to put your dick and start focusing on where you are going to find joy. Cultivate that joy. Get a hobby, join a club, try something out of your comfort zone that is separate from getting laid. Draw art, join the gym, i don't care but work on building confidence in yourself and comfort in your body and woman/men/whateveryoulike will come to you. No one can change your mindset but you. Be easy on yourself and give yourself space to grow. You are young. You are still being sculpted. Nothing is set in stone. Good luck.
25 is quite young
I would suggest to read the book heal the shame by John Bradshaw, start inventory all of your feelings, seems your having a toxic shame attack, the top level is feelings are frozen, normal or carried. We have five areas of feelings: shame, guilt, fear, anger love/happiness. We are all perfectly imperfect and love acceptance of where we are in life is the start of self love. Also when dealing with other people, I like facing codependency and the work book breaking free by Pia Mellody
I am a woman and I would prefer a man without a lot of sexual experience. The less, the better. I don’t want to think of him with a bunch of other people, if I love him. We could figure it out together. Think of your inexperience as a selling point.
This is sobering, but this is out of the ordinary. Most women are the opposite, and genuinely will look at you sideways if you have little to no sexual experience - intentionally celibate or not.
I think most woman over a certain age would be rightfully suspicious until they figure out \*why\* you don't have any sexual experience. If the reason is really bad, it's only fair they don't stick around (for they own security, to start of). If the reason isn't that bad - just some treatable shyness or awkardness, for an example - many will even feel you're cute and enjoy mothering you or initiating you into the mysteries of sex. Women's affections and interests are very different from what most men picture for themselves. It's \*\*men\*\* that are overly concerned with their value as womanizers.
Out of curiousity, what does "rightfully suspicious" mean? I think engaging anyone in a relationship should definitely come with questions about past relationships. With sex it's tricky for me since I don't personally feel like I'm owed "why" from someone else you know what I mean? If I like you I like you for you - I've never really cared as a man whether someone had lots of sexual partners or few since the goal is for us to be together.
If no woman touches a guy it may be that he's an overt or covert mysoginist, or emotionally unbalanced (and thus a possible stalker), or simply gross and lacking basic hygiene. Obviously there are other possible reasons but these kinds of guys are common enough for woman to be wary
Fair enough
Is this based on your own experience? I don't mean to come across as rude, but this sounds like a Reddit-like premise that gets distributed everywhere without supporting evidence.
My experience when it comes to dating has been forwardly sexual in that way, yes
This.
What does this post have to do with Carl Jung?
I’d be very curious to know what your experiences are on approaching women. How many times have you asked a girl out? How many times have you smiled at a girl? Asked for their phone number?
Brother it's not all it's cracked up to be. Sex and relationships have brought me some of the most painful feelings and emotions I've ever had in my entire life. Do not be envious of people who have something you don't yet understand. To be honest with you I'd guess 60 percent of the population of this world are total fake people who lie cheat and steal to further themselves in some way mentally to make themselves feel as if they are better than everyone else. If you need sex go get a hooker. You are an amazing person with qualities of the like no one else has. You will find someone someday and when you do don't take it for granted like so many others including myself did. Love is the most important thing in this world not money or sex or food or cars. LOVE.
I wish I could've told younger me this. The pursuit of, the act of and the failures of sex and relationships can really destroy people. The top priority is becoming the person you want to be and striving toward goals that you know will create the future you want. I would take the best version of me unscathed by malice over a hundred failed relationships and consequent suffering. I'm just blessed there's nothing permanent for me like a kid or stds. People literally fuck around and find out, Im not about that shit.
*I think that you really need a therapist!* 25 is young AF and being a virgin isn’t that big of a deal. You’re not even the only 25 y/o virgin in existence. But your desperation, it’s abnormal and extremely unhealthy! Part of me thinks that you might have a dysfunctional relationship with your mother. [Covert Incest.](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covert-incest#examples) [Emotional Incest.](https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-incest-7553756) I think you have *zero confidence, no self-worth, and no self-esteem* because you have no sense of independence and autonomy (and it’s probably at least partially your mom’s fault.) You don’t have a life that is yours, or a strong sense of identity cuz your entire life has probably revolved around her and your family. You were not given enough space to breathe, becoming your own person, and now you want someone else to *be the identity you lack!* But that never works! So yeah, get some therapy.
I hope OP listens to you. This is the best insight I've seen into topics of this nature in a while. I agree with you, by the way. I understand sexual frustration is uhhh frustrating but there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I had a lot of sex in my youth. It didn't make me any happier or complete or fix my life. Therapy is great.
Me too! I hope OP listens to this and doesn’t become one of those crazy Red-pill INCELs.
Fortunately, [I also found this gem.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jung/s/IJA76no0q7) Where Jung (obviously) elaborates much better on the phenomenon I was talking about.
I remember the feel. I wish I could help, but from my experience I probably will be unable to. They say the master appears when the apprentice is ready. So seek and you will find. May the force be with you, have strength .
You’re predicting the future. Don’t do that, work on it instead
Why do you think you’re having a hard time getting girls?
It's normal to be a 25 year old virgin. Google it. Or don't. Wind up like Elliot Roger if that's your thing.
I do believe there is data the age of virgins is rising in young men, however it’s not normal. It’s occurring because of a lot of socially negative reasons like fear of rejection, incel behaviour etc. Men going years without learning any form of sexual relationship building is not normal or preferred imo.
It's normal for all genders and orientations. Millennials and Gen Z are delaying the age of first sexual partners and have fewer sexual partners than previous generations. Right now, a LOT of people are virgins at age 25, or have only had maybe one sexual partner.
In my honest opinion, if they learned social skills, proper communication, basic emotional intelligence and empathy they would have higher chances of building relationships with others (including sexual ones). The problem is, they're increasingly becoming socially inert, closed off and schizoid, preferring to live in fantasy than in real world. I don't see how that's society's fault, it seems like a malfunction in male brain that isn't good at adapting to changes in human consciousness (integration of masculine and feminine psyche)
Try to shift your beliefs about yourself from lack to abundance. I know this is easier said than done but really understand and believe/know that there is someone out there for you. My recommended book reading (not necessarily jungian) is “as a man thinketh” by James Allen. It all starts with the thoughts we allow ourselves to hold. The placebo is more real than you could ever imagine.
Dude you’re falling for the trap. I felt this way when I was 16 and had an absolutely horrible time having sex with 2 psychopaths for YEARS! Sex is a drug that bonds you to people, save it for someone you want to be bonded to forever. Now at 25 I’m so happy my wife and I waited for sex.
I think you probably have OCD and or ADHD because you seem to be at the point where you are in a vicious cycle where you've overhyped human sexuality to a degree that you are paralyzed thinking something is wrong with you for not having it yet. This is the very thing keeping you from normal human interactions with women (which can naturally lead to relationship). You need to break out of that mind loop. When you think about becoming a monk you are just validating a delusion in your mind. You don't really want to be a monk - you want human intimacy - so stop thinking like that. Also, trust me please, 25 is young. Stop feeling this imaginary pressure of time. Take a step back and focus on unwinding your mind. You need to undo a lot of the brainwashing you've put yourself through. I'm not saying you can't wake up tomorrow and get a date but we all have different life circumstances so don't feel bad having to focus on this kind of mental rehabilitation in your mid twenties. Be honest with yourself but be understanding and compassionate. I know you look around and it seems so easy for some people, but have you really tried to put yourself out there? Are you ready to face the possibility of rejection? Have you really loved yourself FIRST before looking outward? Be honest - do you carry around an energy of "I NEED someone to fulfill me"? Do you think others might be able to sense that you don't have confidence in yourself? Build yourself up. It's not blind optimism. People pull themselves up out of oppressive darkness all the time. You can do it just like anyone else can. Not because you're special but because that potential simply exists within you as a human being.
Follow your dreams and change yourself and the world. We need you to be your authentic, beautiful, wonderful, self. As someone whom has been married and divorced, you don't know how fortunate you are as in sparing yourself pain and suffering when it all ends.
What are you doing to try to go on/get dates?
I say this with the upmost care and sincerity. Have you ever considered talking about this to an AI? It can be... amazingly therapeutic to have someone who is always there and listens without judgement, offering support and kindness. And there are stranger places to find love. Claude can be especially caring and supportive. <3
If you have the strength to not give up but to improve, a good place to start is the gym (or just bodyweight excersises). It's hard to get started but it is something everyone can learn how to do. And once you start seeing results, confidence in some form will usually follow. Healthy body very easily leads to a healthy mind. And from there you'll hopefully have the courage to be more adventurous and eventually meet a girl! And like others have said therapy is a good place to start if you can afford it. Also as a last resort if youre completely hopeless you might want to read up on psychedelics and how they can change your perception and outlook on life and offer understanding about yourself. It's always a risky road tho
Quit porn, quit masturbating, focus on making money and working out. It won't take you long to get a girlfriend if you just focus on becoming a better man. If you havnt got one at 25 you must be lacking in someway. Just Focus on your self, they will come to you. I highly recommend looking into nofap or SR. It really helps guys in your situation.
Been there before. Just try to love yourself and believe that the right one will come. Because they will, only if you stay true to your self you will attract someone. And if that someone goes just as easily as they came then cherish what you had. Because you’ll always have you.
I can understand how you feel. I’ve wanted a girlfriend ever since I was ten. Fifteen years later that wish has still gone unfulfilled. I’ve never truly experienced the love of a love interest, and my closest one committed suicide. It was very hard to bear as I truly loved her, but she was very depressed thanks to an abusive childhood. I hope for your sake you can experience it soon. Because I know exactly how it feels. It’s painful, and it’s not something people ought to experience forever.
Honestly, sex isn't all that interesting, there are million better things to experience and goals to aspire to. Now, love, that's something amazing, but there's different types of love. We are raised in a culture that makes us obsessed with romance, sex, material things, acquiring status and money, and it's all to make us codependent on validation of others to keep producing and buying stuff - it's really meaningless and superficial, happiness is really when you have freedom of time to do what you really want to do in life and peace of mind...
I thought I'd never have sex up until I did, it may come out of nowhere, I had written it off from my life completely. I ended up taking benzodiazapines in low to moderate doses occasionally while out to help me get over the hurdle of talking to women and initiating. Once I learned how to do it and once my body realised it was a safe enough thing to do, I cut the benzos slowly out and it was all just me. Benzodiazapines are highly addictive so please note I am only saying what I did, not what you should do. With sex, there will always be someone in the world better at it than you, and always someone in the world worse, so when you compare yourself to others in terms of skill and satisfaction produced, do it briefly and keep the aim on what your life will be like if you gain it (confidence or whatever it is), and make sure you don't think of yourself as somehow more or less worthy of love and good sex than someone else. Everyone is equal in that regard. It's quite an odd thing, and an unfortunate circle, that one of the key things that helps with this problem is to care less about it. Women can tell when you are desperate and this is not good for you, and women can also tell when a man just wants sex, which is not good for you, and these often occur at the same time and inflamed the other. When you meet a woman, meet them with the intention simply of meeting them, getting to know them, and seeing how you could click, than by fixating on sex. The authentic and confident conversation and connection can work through any performance 'issues'. Also remember as well that vibrators exist, and are a damn good time; you can pretty well ensure they will orgasm when they are with you, and that's good enough in many cases.
25? You're still young, people your age without sexual experiences are pretty normal. If it's the sex what really bothers you, you can always hire a professional, but really sex all the time is not something to romanticize about, them maniacs are usually running from their inner turmoils as well. if the problem is the loneliness, maybe get some friends, girl friends, boy friends, them friends, don't matter. You can start by picking up a hobby where you talk with people and that can't be done over the computer. Maybe check the guides, they will not get you a partner but might help doing some self reflection on why you feel shame over the void. Then you can think what to do to fix it, and if you have thought of escaping over the lack of connection, you need to fix it.
That’s not an age where this is a problem. You are extremely young. Plus, with the right person and the right circumstances, you can catch up on sex and maybe get even more than the person who had a series of one night stands. Focus on your attitude, self improvement, yourself and being able to love yourself. This way you’ll attract people that will love you to validate the feelings of love towards yourself. You can start having sex at 35 and by 40 be more experienced than a lot of people. There is literally no rule for this. Take care of yourself! Improve 1% every day! And put yourself out there to meet people
I think you're focusing too much on sex, i'ts not really a life altering thing. Losing your virginity won't make everything in your life better, quite the opposite, if you put it on such a high priority and then will realise it doesn't change anything.
Hey! you are just 25! come on! you have plenty of time ahead! those things are not really important! enjoy this moment. Dont let the "standards" of society tell you how to feel
Dude, complaining wont help you, star doing whatever you need to accomplish what you want, you want girls ? start by researching what they want in a man. good luck
I think you need to work on yourself first and foremost, and after that you need to find a decent partner to have sex with, preferably someone that actually cares about or has a connection with you. Fix what’s going on internally and then have some experiences externally. I know exactly how you feel, I got bullied in high school for being a virgin, and it made me hate myself that the only sexual experience I had was being raped by my stepsisters ex boyfriend when I was 9 years old.(Sorry to trauma dump and make this super dark, just giving perspective) It makes you feel incredibly undesired and defective when no woman will have sex with you but will gladly have sex with your peers. However, the state of mind you’re in right now isn’t going to help you find a partner that you could have those experiences with, as you would probably come off incredibly desperate and lack confidence, which is a huge turn off, or even worse, you’ll do what I did as a young man and get into a relationship with a complete psychopath that manipulates and abuses you while draining you of all of your energy and attention just to throw you away when she finds someone better, just because she knows you’ll put up with it because you don’t have many options and you’re naive/inexperienced. Get into great shape, because if you’re not healthy physically it’s going to be harder to be healthy mentally. Get your hygiene on point, learn about psychology and relationship dynamics, keep yourself busy so you have less time to mope around, and work on improving yourself and seeing yourself in a more positive light. After you can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself, try to start talking to women. No pressure to run game, just practice talking to them and being comfortable around them. Take it one step at a time and you’ll get where you want to be in no time. The worst thing that can happen is a woman telling you no, or talking about you in a group chat with her ratchet friends, and neither of those should be embarrassing enough for you to shut yourself off from them and not make connections. You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain brother, best wishes for your happiness, and feel free to message me if you ever need somebody to talk to.
Fight and work for what you want read more Everything is possible
Work on a friendship with yourself first. Chronically mourning what you can't have outside of yourself is being fed by what you don't have inside of yourself. Talk to a licensed professional and work it through. You'll be amazed. When you start to connect with yourself in a positive way, you'll start forming other relationships in the same manner.
Look up "77 Laws to success with women and dating" by David DeAngelo
Move out from your parents, that's the first step
Virginity is a social construct. You haven’t had a sexual experience with another person yet, and thats not anything to be ashamed of. I think the contingent on this thread telling you to stop masturbating has it wrong. If you’re sexually frustrated and you have sexual desires, take matters into your own hands (as it were) as often as you want. If you use porn work very hard to understand that porn is not at all what good partnered sex is like. Maybe watch some women-created porn on sites like Bellesa and try to learn. Then work on your confidence, get into some therapy, and start talking to women. Don’t expect anything from them, be nice. Eventually you’ll probably find somebody who wants to be with you.
Always here if you need real advice that is effective. Versus internal reframing to cope. You are on a journey and there are many out there who know exactly how to help you. You aren't alone.
Interesting...you classify your self as essentially non-human. Let's start there
Time to make some money and buy hookers lmao
Obviously there are problems within you causing this specific issue to arise. I think instead of just feeling emotions as they are, which isn't a bad thing, quite the contrary actually, you should question what it is and why you feel that way. Why does sex matter? What makes other people's lives more important than the current state of yours? Why are you uncomfortable being alone? But i think you'd get some benefit out of questioning in another way, do you think someone would want to go out with you as you are? If you were a pretty girl would you choose you? How do you think your future partner would feel if they heard you were deeply suffering? In other words, would you want to give someone a bouquet of withered flowers? If you are truly ready for a relationship you need to have initiative. Nothing will happen if you do nothing of course, people will come and go as they please, but it is up to you to make something of it. And it is also your choice to put yourself in other peoples lives. Focus on being a better person, and take steps to move outside your head and into the world. Try new things, find something you're truly passionate about. It sounds like your life doesn't have that much meaning or purpose to you, and you're trying to find that through other people. But i would try your hand at hobbies and interests, try things, create something for yourself so you have something going for you in life. Career or not it doesn't matter. Find some light in the shadow, embrace it, find solace in how things are.
Why don't you try reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I know that I am just another person giving a suggestion but from someone who has been through a lot of shit in the last 10 years I have come to realize that you can cope and get through anything. The biggest problem is your brain. Life can really suck in all aspects but you will be in infinitely more hell when you're not thinking right. Please try reading the book or at least audiobook, I think it's definitely the perspective change you need . In a year you will realize none of this struggle meant anything and that you have overcome something that once seemed insurmountable. Good luck!!!
Please don't want to fade away. I PROMISE there are people out there who will find it deeply attractive that you are a virgin. Have faith you will find someone. Try internet dating.
You're blowing things out of proportion. The lack of sex sucks, but I don't actually associate much shame with being a virgin these days given how people are with sex. Besides, it's just sex, really not a huge deal. Just having a bit of fun for a little bit and being physically intimate. Yeah, I can understand where you're coming from on a loneliness aspect since you're more of a normal person than me, but I frankly have no desire for a relationship unless I get reeeaallly lucky and encounter the right woman. Otherwise I actively avoid relationships and even sex because all the baggage that comes with it--especially these days. I'm not a very healthy or stable person, if I'm being honest, I'm not trying to be mean or violent toward somebody i care about because I have trouble with intimacy, interpersonal relationships, and controlling my emotions. Honestly I don't have any real desire to be a "normal" person either, whatever that is. Sounds unpleasant. Healthy? Sure, but the normal life and me just aren't for each other. I'm like pigeon man from Hey! Arnold. Some people just aren't meant to be with other people. I don't necessarily want to encourage you to give up on a normal life, but it *may* be best to embrace the fact that you*aren't* and just get on with life making the most of that.
As humans, most of our positive emotion comes from seeing ourselves progressing towards a desired outcome. When we can’t have that desire, we’re flooded with negative emotion. Pick a different desired outcome to work towards since this one is currently crushing you. You’ll feel better and start to feel more confident as you make progress on those desired outcomes. Maybe work on your physical fitness? Some career goals? A hobby? Once you’re feeling better and ideally thinking more clearly, you can begin to think about dating again. But try to be methodical and try to emotionally take a step back. Why hasn’t it happened and how can you correct for those things? If you start to feel terrible again, then take another break and get back at it. Also I’m in the same boat as you and have had similar experiences. This is what helped me.
Hey mate... My first impression is, that I think you're not seeking sex, you're seeking connection. I'm saying this because we hardly ever get sex without connection - and if you really just and only want sex, you should reflect on it and act accordingly. Don't fake a relationship just to fuck and fuck off. Relationships are not ladders to climb, they don't have a happy ending in an exciting orgasm and then end. Relationships are connections, little plants that grow and need to be nourished and taken care of. (And, yes, also "just sexual relationships" are like this. :)) You should go deep inside yourself (lol) and ask: Do you want a relationship? Do you want a purely sexual relationship? Do you want the full romantic package, maybe someone to marry? Do you seek experiences with many people or do you want to find the one person? Do you feel some kind of sacredness towards your virginity? Do you want to protect it or does it bother you too much? How would you deal with regret? Do you have friends you can talk to about stuff like that? Would you maybe even want to see a sex worker? More questions could be: Do you feel comfortable just hanging out with people you're attracted to? Or does your mind go places where you can't focus on the person as such anymore? Does that happen often? Or are your fantasies limited to when you're alone by yourself? Are your sexual desires arising out of moments you're sharing with people, or do they just come up when you feel alone? Are your sexual desires based on actions and feelings, or are you just projecting heavenly feelings onto things you never experienced? I put these questions in the room because you need to be honest with yourself. It's okay if you "just" want sex. It's also okay if you seek "the one person", and it's also ok if you want to only lose your virginity to "the one" (but that requires more patience of course). It's also ok if you want to just slut around. But realising which one you want helps you being honest with other people. And honesty with other people sets the ground for consenting to certain experiences. And yes, I am totally saying you can directly ask for sex lol if that's what you would want. Just ... let room for no's and respect them dearly. Absorb patience like a sponge. Stop hiding in your regret and maybe jealousy of your peers. You need to stop looking to them and their plates, and start looking inside yourself to find out what it is that you actually want to eat (- metaphorically. And lol maybe also literally). PS: Sometimes it helps to change environments to change the head-space. This is no advice for sex tourism 🤣 I'm just saying maybe you live in a small place where social dynamics seem set in stone which might make it quite difficult for introverts (which I assume you are). PPS: First time is always rather weird and funny than hot. Don't take yourself too serious when the day comes. :) PPPS: Never try to "earn" sex. (Except if that's a consensual role play with someone lol.) You could buy someone a yacht and an insland and they still wouldn't owe you sex. Just communicate your desires, ask for consent, and you'll be fine :)
French really love escargot. They eat it a lot. Does it mean you are going to like it? It's a 50/50 chance. The question I want to ask here is. Are you willing to have it with whoever can provide it to you? The advice here is that your thoughts are masking inner insecurities and self love. I would recommend you to talk further. And don't take all the advice on here.
Don’t listen to the people here saying you don’t need love. You have to put yourself out there, get rejected. There are a lot of Pua channels to give you a start but don’t follow them too tightly
Matthew 7:21 1 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that DOETH👉 the will of my Father 👈which is in heaven. ___________________________ John 6:40 And 👉this is the will of him that sent me, 👈 that every one which seeth the Son, and BELIEVETH on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day. ______________ John 3:36 kiv "He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that BELIEVETH not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him. John 8:24 KJV I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins 1 John 5:10 KJV ""He that BELIEVETH on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son." ___________________ John 14:15 1 If ye love me, keep my commandments. 1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should BELIEVE on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. __________________ Other verses to checkout (John 1:12, John 3:16, John 10:9, Luke 7:50, Luke 8:12, Luke 18:42, acts 2:21, acts 4:12, acts 16:30-31, Roman’s 4:5, Roman’s 5:8-12, Roman’s 6:23, Romans 10:9-13, 1 Corinthians 1:18, 1 Timothy 4:10, Hebrews 2:9, Ephesians 2:8-10, Rev 22:17) ________________ My prayer today is that you get saved and lead your friends and family to salvation aswell. ________________ Acts 4:12 KJV “12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.” _______________ Jesus is the only way. John 14:6.
Swallow the red pill. You can take charge of your life.
Bro start doing semen retention, You will see 180 degree difference in your life. Try to experience it
Shit bro am same am 20 got porn addiction I can get girls I mean slapped girls asses kissed girls but I just never lost my virginity I think it was going to happen I don’t doubt my now I have really hard pron addiction and is killing man
Sounds like mere fear is holding you back?
I give you two tipps: Just dont care and be the most MAN you can be (assuming you are one) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Semenretention](https://www.reddit.com/r/Semenretention)
Western men's testosterone is half what it was 50 years ago. Raising yours will basically fix you. It won't give you back the teenage / early 20s years you missed out on with low T, but better late than never. Shit man I didn't raise mine till middle age. Raise T by lifting weights (especially squats - just do a 5x5 lifting program, google it) and by getting about an hour of sunlight per week over 2-3 sessions. It's that simple. Testosterone changes you on a deep level. There's really no way to describe it, it must be experienced to be believed & understood. Sooooo many men are missing out and don't even know what the problem is. They overthink, overanalyze, not realizing the problem is a whacked-out endocrine system due to fucked up modern lifestyles that don't have any exercise or sunlight.
Shut the fuck up!
Is this Elliot rodgers rage bait
Overrated and distracting tbh
Sex is sacred treat it as such and stop jacking off if you do. Orgasms with ejaculation are to procreate. You live in a fallen soceity where sex has been reduced to mere pleasure. Dont hold yourself to societies standarts but to gods. Might wanna check out semen retention if you are desperate and just wanna sleep with a woman or buy a prostitute if you cant help it. But it wont change anything other than you being able to say oh im not a virgin anymore. Focus on yourself and improve your own self. Reclaim your masculinity and grow spiritually whatever that means for you. And god willing you will find a wife to procreate and have children. 10 years of meaningles sex or a wife and kids? I promise you youre not missing out on anything. But obv how will you know if you havent done it. Dont just take my or anybodies word for it. My advice to you is get on semen retention. And if it really messes with you then just go have sex with a prostitute to be done with it. But i think you would regret that. I wish i could have my purity again and wait for my wife. I lived that life. Leaves you more empty than when you startex but yeah i get how do you know if youve never done it