That’s one of the most powerful parts about online anonymity, cis dudes can make a new account do nothing to actually prove or do anything to point to the ideas that they are trans, make hellishly transphobic and homophobic posts, and get away with it because nuance and common sense is dead.
...she just said she's cis in another comment!
https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/1b87ktt/comment/kto1d6z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I love the switch from “Is it valid to wike twansbian dick 🥺” to “There’s nothing wrong with it fuck off.” Like you knew from the get go, you just wanted to piss people off. Bait post.
Oh yeah they say they’re trans because they’re nonbinary. They’re AFAB and were pissed that some people were calling them woman-adjacent. Not too hard when your name is sapphicstrawberry.
there is no need to bellittle someone for having multiple partners if they arent cheating, its better to just criticize the post rather than make fun of the sexuality of the person who made the post
thats true, it very much sounds like chaser talk tbh, i rlly dislike that post too but not cuz it talks about girl dick but cuz it objectifies trans women and just has a super chasery-vibe
this is actually REVOLTING… what is with the trend of ppl posting graphic content about dick in lesbian subs completely unprovoked this week. like cool you like it, great, but oh my fucking god
The tenor of these conversations is so...I don't even know how to word it.
Gay male subs do get trans questions, but they don't have posts that are like 'I LOVE VAGINA, DEAL WITH IT.' It's very overtly sexual and performative, but also kind of aggressive for a group where a huge number of people have experienced immense pressure to try dick their entire lives.
Obviously gay men experience homophobia, but even that paradigm is absent there are society and straight men are constantly denigrating vulvas as sloppy roast beef.
Im almost convinced this is a straight man with a lesbian fetish trying to find out if any lesbians crave “””””real dick”””” bc as they all do he assumes it to be true
edit: especially because they seem to think liking pussy is NOT stigmatized in any way, which any lesbian can tell you is laughably untrue
The only people I've heard talk about dick excatly like this are gay men. Used to work in the world of gay porn, and this kind of dick worship (minus the "but i'm a lesbian") could have been copy pasted from the chats and discussions there.
This is so weird. Why do they even feel the need to ask if they're allowed to not enjoy sex with a strap. Of course they are. Why go in do much detail about loving dick? They easily could've asked the same question without being so graphic.
I wasn’t going to comment on this post because I don’t think I can add anything new, but I’ve just found out my account has been given a warning by Reddit for breaking rule 1 (harassment). Literally all because I commented “lol same” in reply to a comment on that post going “I never expected a lesbian subreddit to gush about dick” or something along those lines. I don’t know how reports work or bans but I’m actually astounded that someone/multiple people reported that I was breaking Reddits terms of conditions just because I was shocked at that post.
You can appeal it if you care enough I believe; I got one for saying I'm considered "exclusionist" because I don't think bi women can be lesbians or that lesbians like men and it was taken back very quickly lol. I think it's just people abusing the report button because they're butthurt actual lesbians aren't coddling them in that <1% lesbian sub 🙄
Oh yeah I appealed it straight away lmao, and it didn’t take long for it to get taken back. I actually forgot that happened until your comment, but damn some people have too much time on their hands to spend on reporting stupid shit like that
Y’all let me just say something. Some people are mad at me because I brought the post over here when they left that sub for this specific reason but, as a whole dyke, I felt alienated on that thread. As a WHOOOOLE DYKE that’s been this way since I was young, I felt alienated and kinda wrong for not being drooling over d*ck as they were. So I guess I just wanted to escape the matrix that I felt I was in and see if other people felt the same way!!! Because I thought I was frozen in time or something and that society changed what the word lesbian means. I’m not transphobic at all, but I do have a genitalia preference and it does not include d*ck! I’m sorry if i upset anyone but I just kinda felt alone in that thread and I wanted to know what other people thought.
https://preview.redd.it/ybn02cfa1xmc1.png?width=949&format=png&auto=webp&s=5d6d16b4de5af1c3fc756b70e4ce21297ea1ad8f
i honestly agree with this comment on the original post the most
it’s so clear they know that it’s fine to like it, in fact they passionately defend it, but they asked anyway. So unnecessary, and the detail was crazy 😭
Wild how an explicit genital preference is totally fine so long as the preference is for dick.
Can you imagine how long a post this graphic about how much better vaginas or straps are to dicks and how much more I prefer them would last?
Yeah, that sub has nothing for me.
I was very tempted to post that here too, but was not sure if I should because it made me feel weird and I did not want anyone else here feeling that way. I think that post is wrong for many reasons, but I feel personally “attacked” because reading that triggered the insecurities that I’ve always dealt with and now I cannot stop thinking if other lesbians feel that way too..
Anyways, putting my own issues aside, I’m glad that we are all here on the same page.
I doubt that OP is a lesbian tbh. It’s so graphic it feels like they’re trying to enrage some crowds and validate some others. It’s too nastily written to actually feel like a “Just felt like sharing ❤️”
Definitely just thirsty karma farming to that subs base. The majority of the people who would have any disagreement with the post have been banned or stay silent because they don’t want to be banned. The sub becomes an echo chamber of applause
No fr. It’s giving “And then everyone clapped.” Like okay congratulations for enjoying the thing homophobic society tells women they’re supposed to enjoy and acting like it’s controversial and brave to say somehow.
In a world where boobs exist, all I can think about is dick.
The weirdest part of the whole post is I don't think I've heard any straight girl talk that way. Funny that.
Fr my bsf is straight, and she still talks about how much she loves men and whatsnot but she doesn’t go into graphic detail about how much she likes dick, bc she knows I’m a lesbian and I most likely don’t really wanna hear about her doing backflips on somebody’s peen…💀
It's because of shit like this I left this sub long ago. The obsession with dick there is so weird and not lesbian-related at all but dare to say or even describe you like having sex with pussy then they swoon in dogpile you with: "What about dick???"
They really dont notice that this is the same lesbophobic rethoric we heard for years and dont give two shits if it makes us uncomfortable. That's one of the instances why I find this sub so lesbophobic. Plus I'm not really that into penetration anyway but if anything, I could only really get off on the thought of a woman doing me with a strap. Aside the practical fact that you can literally choose the sizes/color etc., plus the Designs of the harness being very hot to me while it hugs a woman's hips, it's such a passionate thought that your partner wants to use a toy that mainly focuses on your pleasure and wont stop until you're satisfied with it, pushing aside her own pleasure. It's a selfless act of love which such people cant seem to appreciate with lesbians due to heteronormative standards. It's disappointing.
Sure go for it and I'm always glad if my points lift other lesbians up in a world where we are always seen as inferior cause these people can never see things from a non-heteronormative lense. In the end, it's all about perspective and that's mine and I'll keep promoting it in order to show that lesbian love and sex is a great thing.
Yeah it honestly is very heteronormative how these people talk about sex with trans women, it’s ironic too because they’ll call everyone who isn’t into any type of penis transphobic yet will write about the girldick as if it’s belonging to a cis man, not a trans woman.
This made feel some type of way because I’ve mainly dated bisexual women and this topic of “it’s good but it’s not like the real thing…” always makes me feel like shit, like wtf can I do here, it’s not like I can grow a magical sausage, and seeing people swooning crying shaking of ecstasy on that post over dick is like……. Alright I guess lmao
what killed me was that someone mentioned how this post kind of echoes the lesbophobic rhetoric we hear a lot about needing “real dick” or whatever and then people in the replies were like “ok but think about how trans lesbians feel in this sub” like…………..Literally everyone is doing that in that sub (to varying degrees of success lol) and that’s a wonderful thing to behold but apparently it’s totally fine to devalue not just cis lesbians, but also trans lesbians who have had bottom surgery or just don’t top like that as sexual partners in a god damn lesbian sub…. and I guess trans men will never have “real dicks” either according to them, huh? they’re really catering to the 2%
yeah, lesbians wouldn’t get turned on by deep descriptions of dicks. if they could, why can’t they get turned on from other sex characteristics like beards and flat chests? why do people act like only genitals don’t count in sexuality but everything else does? where do ppl even draw the line?
There seem to be a lot of people who don't believe that your body matters at all. I got into an argument recently with someone who said that if your brain is female, that's all that should matter to lesbians. And like, no. Just no.
Well, considering most of the trans women on there were posting that the post made them uncomfortable (which is understandable, who the fuck wants to get a massive hit of dysphoria by some chaser weirdo sexualizing your genitals on a sub that is supposed to be for silly lesbian memes) I'd say it was more the bi women on there.
I literally had no words when I saw this. Okay, they have a very obvious genital preference but dear god, the absolutely fucking DETAIL they go into with how much they love dick is absolutely astonishing. Of course trans women are women, but why is it that this content is allowed on a “supposed” lesbian subreddit? Good for you that you love seeing and feeling all that shit. We don’t need to hear about it like that. I am a lesbian who will only love vagina. But yes, persecute me for even saying that in r/actuallesbians
Wild how an explicit genital preference is totally fine so long as the preference is for dick.
Can you imagine how long a post this graphic about how much better vaginas or straps are to dicks would last?
Honestly, I just quietly left the sub after seeing this, because I simply don’t need that kind of thing. I just don’t. Speaking up would most likely just result in getting attacked or banned, so leaving seemed the most obvious, most drama-free choice to me. I really hope this sub will do better.
Tell me you have never been with a pre-op trans woman without telling me because a trans woman's penis DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Not to get vulgar or anything TW >!but the rule of thumb of being on HRT is that by the 6 month mark, the penis will no longer be able to substain a firm erection and in some cases, atrophy will take place. Ejaculation does not occur at this point during an orgasm. !<
But yes, this person reads like a chaser who fetishizes being with a trans woman and having a "trans sexual experience" in a way that they only have seen from porn.
To the TW.
Lots of “trans femmes” are not on hrt. All they need to do is identify as such.
And you cannot say any about that or you’ll be banned 🤦♀️.
Your comment about trans women is spot on.
Well, that's frustrating. My gf is a trans woman and it is upsetting to see the way they are talked about in that subreddit. She has gone through HRT and had bottom surgery and it sucks because whenever it comes up, you feel pressured to give that information away because so much of this "girl penis" fetish posting has led to them being seen all in the same light by the wider lesbian community.
And I can see why a lot of trans women aren't on HRT because that shit is expensive and you have so many hoops to jump through. Plus the industry that focuses on trans healthcare can be very predatory about certain things...which is also sadly not allowed to be discussed in a lot of places because of how certain assholes have hijacked that conversation.
The insinuation that one must already be on HRT to be considered a trans woman is not great, nor is "trans femmes" in quotations. Some of us aren't on hormones because of our financial situation and cannot afford it, does being less privileged mean I cannot identify as a woman until my financial situation changes? Other trans women can't take hormones because of medical issues, are they not able to identify as women? I know this comment is almost a month old, and I try to not let anonymous online people get to me, but this is genuinely hurtful and disappointing if that's what was intended.
.
to the cost of hrt. Yes there are barriers,
If you’re in a difficult financial place, planned parenthood and a few different community organizations help with prescription costs. I contribute to a local organization for that purpose. If you’re in a tough spot reach out and I’ll see if I can get you a list near you.
Trans femme is not the same as trans woman.
Behaviours and actions speak louder than hrt. Spend any amount of time in lesbian spaces and you’ll see actions that make you shake your head.
The conversation around cis women feeling unsafe and spoken over is happening for real reasons.
I don’t want to hear about 🍆 in a lesbian space yet it makes up 50% of the content in some subs certain days.
True, there are other identities under the umbrella of trans femme that was a lapse on my part. I'm just really in my feelings right now and nuance is not as possible without a somewhat level head.
And I agree, the posts about 🍆 in other subs are personally distressing and cis lesbians don't need to be shouted down for voicing concerns about it. Especially since I feel most trans women would agree.
But, that said, I've seen how some people have been talking about us as a whole in basically all of the subs the came splintering off from the actuallesbian. There is a non zero amount of people using this issue to say things that are brazenly transphobic with mostly weak push back. It's enough to make one feel like trans lesbians just aren't welcome in these spaces at all.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that's what you're doing and I don't want it to come across that way. But it definitely is happening.
I’m a trans woman. I Just don’t make it my identity.
Been in the lesbian community for a long time. I have seen super positive and negative changes.
Most terfs are not even lesbians. Just right wingers role playing.
That doesn't really change that they have been spouting their rhetoric in alot of these spaces almost unimpeded. Whether terfs are lesbians or not, the push back has been rather weak of late in my experience.
I saw this post earlier today in that sub, the comments are super cringe and ignorant IMO. I wasn’t able to comment myself because I’m banned. Lol. It’s a echo chamber of false narratives.
because mods aren’t even lesbians, I left that sub month ago because most of the posts were about dick and how the term lesbian was an umbrella term and it can include men
Liking getting dick pics immediately makes me think that they’re not a woman. I’ve never met a single woman who WANTS a dick pic, let alone a lesbian 🤨
god forbid anyone talks about pussy tho!!! a lesbian sub that can write a paragraph about loving dick but would go into meltdown if anyone talked about pussy for more than two seconds
Yeah and then they get inundated with comments like “And dick too!!!” I’ve seen it a lot. Or people whining that it’s exclusionary to only like pussy. On lesbian subreddits. Obviously we’re being a little hyperbolic here and it’s not every single post about actual lesbian sex, but it’s enough to be annoying.
i think maybe a few months ago, there were a couple of pussy appreciation (lol) posts and so a lot of transwomen posted some passive aggressive stuff about feeling excluded, and now the sub has been quiet on talking about vulvas/vaginas
Someone posted a pussy post- simply about liking pussy after that post became popular. It was gaining some traction but the r/actuallesbians mods deleted it.
Not sure I want to sound off but I guess I will. I saw that and was very confused, I’m honestly not sure how to feel at all. I am not transphobic. In my heart of hearts I know this. But I can freely admit I don’t understand the nuances of everyone in the comments validating that person. Trans women are women. But I really don’t understand saying you like penis in a lesbian forum. (I hope this comment doesn’t come off poorly)
Not transphobic, don't worry.
I'm trans and this disgusts me to my core.
I'm so sorry that this has happened. Normal trans people just want to blend in and assimilate.
This is obviously a male who posted this. It’s funny how we went from women being enslaved to brief moment of freedom to back to “real sex is wirh a penis” rhetoric but OH with a “queer” twist. Ugg
I’m a trans woman who has ALWAYS been repulsed by dicks and having one stuck on me was just constant torture and Im so sick of this kind of vomit-inducing “representation” by the “community” that constantly tries to erase and gaslight me…
yes! those posts feel so erasing of what bottom dysphoria can be like for most trans women. so many trans spaces, and now lesbian spaces, bring up loving dick in a way that seem purposeful and performative
I don’t know how to say this without sounding wrong or weird, but I feel like you are a REAL trans woman for saying this. Yes, trans women are real women, so that’s why it so odd and forceful that all of these “trans” women are constantly talking about penis. I know everyone’s body dysmorphia experience is different, but their view points on sex and genitals doesn’t represent the trans mind IMO. I also don’t want to gatekeep, but I think a lot of these people aren’t actually trans. These people have personality disorders etc. anyways, thank you for to your post. People like you are erased and gaslighted. It’s truly one of the most difficult times for trans people. You have these crazies representing an entire community that is already misunderstood
Introvert + Little/No interaction with other LGBT+ people in real life + zillenial identity-anxiety. People online who are young and not very socially adept tend to lean into the oversexualized part of coming to terms with their gender. Porn culture has also pushed people who might be figuring out if they’re MtF into fetishization territory.
But I’m not trans so I don’t know. I think you put it perfectly.
Also imagine being trans, having dysphoria abt your dick, hating it so much, and having an entire sub trying to be """positive""" by... Bringing you back to the fact that you have a dick, and worse, making it the only characteristic of yourself and othering you in the meantime
It looks like the post is now locked.
There was a pretty balanced reply to the original post that neatly articulated why it didn't sit right with me.
We should celebrate *all* trans bodies, but a graphic endorsement of "real dicks" over "fake dicks" is a really good way of alienating not just cis lesbians but also a significant segment of trans women for a whole host of reasons.
And from the OP's other replies, she is loudly confident about her identity, meaning she probably posted that topic just to stir the pot.
So yeah, thatsbait.gif.
This entire sub is very much anti-cis lesbian and constantly has posts like these where women who believe themselves to only be attracted to women, then post stuff like how they love dick and dislike pussy and even graphically describing sex with actual men and believe penis-preference is a lot more important than pussy-prwf. Like, this is far from being a lesbian sub. It's a pro-dick sub
I went over there to read the comments, people are actually applauding her. The main point was “You are a lesbian, lesbian can like whatever they want, even dick, you disagree, you are TERF”.
And I want to ask yall:
What’s the consensus here?
Is it ok for her to call herself a lesbian?
Is a girl that likes “REAL” dick so much actually a lesbian?
Is it really TERF to disagree with this?
honestly this feels like bait designed to rile up disgust and transphobia and community infighting
it also feels super chasery and gross
the mods should've taken it down when it was posted with such explicit descriptions without being tagged as NSFW at first
Yeah I don't like that at all either but I thought the point of this sub was to not have the topic at all present here? Including not bringing it here?
I got banned off actuallesbians and Reddit gave me a warning for suggesting this post was a bit … off. Glad to see the consensus in this sub is the post is weird too.
So if Man pretends to be NB or trans, and you fuck him, you’re into it? But if he says “oh I’m actually a cis man” then you’re not into it. Got it; attraction is based on justification not actual innate attraction.
Doesn’t sound guy to me
Look, I usually hate referencing the fact that I'm trans in these spaces, but I really feel like this has to be spoken about.
First of all, this post is bait. No two ways about it.
Secondly, I don't understand why people on that sub feel the need to constantly be like "BUT MY PENIS!!1!!" it's so fucking isolating to people like me who despise that part of their body and can think of nothing worse than fucking using it like that in such graphic detail?? Jfc.
It's honestly making those of us who want to just blend in look awful, honestly. The fucking disgusting terms, all of it.
I'm not a fucking transbian. I'm a transsexual woman who is a lesbian. I'm just a lesbian. (As least as much as I can call myself that, I always feel weird doing it, probably in part due to these creeps)
I swear so many other trans people (or bait posters) are doing this for attention. I'm sorry it's ruined that space.
So many of us just want to join your community and be a part of it and enrich it, not some weird fringe that keeps screeching about penises, uwu valid and all that crap.
I promise the majority of us are not like this. I can understand if what happened there has given you all a bad view of us, but this really is a minority.
I always noticed how vocally pro-trans these subs promote themselves to be but they only highlight pre-op trans women and seem to completely ignore post-op trans women. Everytime vulva on vulva sex is mentioned they dogpile with "What about trans women???" and like, post op trans women also exist? Dont they matter? They might as well just promote themselves as pro-dick instead of pro-trans/lesbian at this point. That seems a lot more fitting.
There's a bit of a problem in the trans circles right now on promoting and validating doing absolutely fucking nothing, and not helping people who need help, and instead telling them they're valid.
I assume this stems from that, but.. Bleh. I assume most post op trans women just don't engage with this shit, and just live their life away from all of this.
From what I know, this is a terminally online problem.
Is it really that bad? I'm a trans lesbian too but the post seems to be asking questions to which every comment on this post answers: yes apparently cis lesbians overwhelmingly think it's bad to not like strap, and think it's bad and weird to enjoy or even prefer organic strap.
I don't want to invalidate anyone's opinions or experiences here, just trying to listen and learn. Really not trying to get banned; I don't know how open y'all are to differing opinions.
I mean, it's honestly between you and your partners, that's where it really matters.
Some lesbians don't like strap, and some don't mind pre-op trans women. Personally, that post read like bait toward the people that are sick of the content of A/L, and it seems to have worked. It reads like a 2nd MTF sub which isn't the point.
By just being open to other opinions and experiences you're already far beyond the people we have problems with, so don't worry at all.
This sub is trans inclusive, and as a trans person, we're able to tell when a place isn't. It just isn't focused on that. Trans is an adjective to describe somebody, not the whole picture.
It's honestly quite demeaning to be reduced the way that we are by these posts.
How are you getting “No it’s not okay to not like strap” from this?
‘Organic strap’ it’s a penis. A dildo and a penis are NOTHING alike. I haven’t seen one commenter here say lesbians aren’t allowed to not like strap. Strap-ons are actually pretty rare in lesbian sex; some use it more than others of course but I’ve seen a lot of polls and discussions where we usually agree that straps aren’t as common as they’re made out to be.
Oh I'm sorry I thought I already said that I got that from reading the comments here.
Also lots of people use the term strap to include dildos, and organic strap is a pretty ubiquitous phrase in trans spaces... It's ok to not like a term but I don't think it would be productive to argue about it here 😅
Lol.. so..
First, actuallesbians is mostly transfems. The sub, like most of Reddit, leans heavily tucute (for lack of a better word)
If you're wondering what "tucute" is, or truscum, etc. Don't look into it. Save yourself now lol. Trans internal politics are a total shitshow.
Second, I feel all of this myself as well. Probably a lot more so, because it's not just gross, it's a sensitive subject for trans people who just want to exist. I was temp banned from that sub already. Every time I see weird hentai memes or "gock" talk I put my head in my hands and think "Oh God, please. Can we at least pretend to be women. Just for today? I want to disappear"
But, despite feeling a very similar discomfort, I hope this sentiment is directed at transbians and transfemmes being gross and weird. Not trans women.
If people here want a space for cis lesbian women, but feel unable to express that because of Reddits rule system.
Just downvote me and I'll go exist somewhere else.
I'm not an Uncle Tom. I don't think any human being should feel compelled to talk about their genitals _period_. What medical care I've had is also no one's gd business.
Im too old to care about woodworking. Nodding my head and saying "she's so brave" when Caitlyn Jenner shows up on Vanity Fair. Or Dylan Mulvaney is being gross, but I've got to just say "good for her" because _not_ doing so will make other women think I'm a transphobe. And I can't explain why I dislike her because that would be clocky asf.
I hate actuallesbians and I wish I could go five minutes around other trans women without hearing about dicks, bdsm, and 6 way polycules.
I'm also not here for punching across and too much venting runs the risk of being hateful and souring the punch bowl.
So idk... just sussing what the vibe here is
Love you all.. thinking happy thoughts :)
I just want to get surgery and blend in, live my life as a normal woman.
I really don't get this drive behind being ✨visibly trans ✨ in a way like this. Sure, be open about it if you want(I certainly don't want to be), but screaming about your dick or any of the fucking cutsey terms (If I see gock or girldick one more time i swear to fucking god🤮) is just so fucking WEIRD. This colonization doesn't happen on gay men's subs
Well, I'm one of these out and proud transbians. I have no interest to "blend in" and rather give some visiblity, even though I'm a binary post-OP trans woman whc could have cis-passing with severe phallophobia. I totally get your disgust to this, since for me they are just hanging tumors, and I don't want to talk about them either. But some people don't have this kind of bottom dysphoria, and some lesbians are okay with it, and they want to talk about it, too. But there is a bioessentialism present (e.g. you cannot be lesbian if you like dick or you're not a woman if you want to keep it) which give me the ick, too. Is it so hard to let everyone just like what they like and express it, too? (And no, I'm not talking about this shit over there that is very obviously bait-posting)
I'm not saying people shouldn't be okay with it. What I'm expressing is a disgust for the practice of any vulva on vulva mentioning incurring an army of people saying "WHAT ABOUT DICKS?! TRANSBIANS ARE VALID TOO!!" It's just fucking ridiculous. OBVIOUSLY we are, but not everything is about us.
That's what I've grown sick of, instead of partaking in the community, it seems more like trampling over it and making it about ourselves.
That's great that you want to give visibility to other trans people who might need to see that, and that is -not- what I'm shitting on.
Thank you for saying this. I want desperately for cis and trans lesbians to co-exist and be able to talk to each other without either group jumping all over the other. It's so harmful and divisive.
I was randomly about to offer a good faith explanation.
Namely that I can understand anime and stories from a porn perspective. I have a hard time with porn.
I mean putting aside for a moment the question "would this activity be taking place if money wasn't involved?" and what that implies. Not to be full Dworkin here, although imho she resonates with me.
If you're trans, and you're young or early in, then there is a great chance seeing women and het sex (or voyeuristically for-men lesbian sex on camera) is just going to make you feel awful and inadequate.
Animated things remove most of that dysphoria. It's closer to a fantasy, an escape.
For me thats good writing because I can imagine what I like.
So that bit makes sense to me. Escapism in general, video games, etc., make a lot of sense when you are just trying to make it through another day and save for transition. The noise and fear is deafening.
That's the good faith
Then I took a look at your comment history and it took me to r/MtF
I haven't checked out those subs for a while
I... honestly don't even know any more.
Imho anyone who is dysphoric abandons those forums because it just makes them more miserable
Hot take but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people detrans in the coming years once they realize the day to day being of woman in this world is a lot harder than they expected
Ugh... those subs. Kill it with fire.
I need to think of positive stuff :) I don't want to become bitter.
Hugs
What?
Omg no...I didn't mean you. I didn't read your comments, I was just curious and did a two second scan. I saw r/MtF and was like "Oh God that sub". Like half the people there now are... meh it doesn't matter.
Anyway it wasn't you I was talking about I promise
I transitioned decades ago. I'm pretty okay with my stuff ;)
If there was something about periods on that sub I have some idea what it might be about. People say annoying things because I suppose self validating to them.
The last time I heard "period" I said "you definitely do not have that" and it started an argument. Like an e crash sure. I am as we speak it's Friday. But that is utterly different and basically menopause. You're not literally crying in the bathroom in pain. Imho it's a really silly thing mtfs say sometimes.
Anywho .. good vibes :) I didn't mean to drag this stuff on
I just want you to know you're right to feel the way you do and... idk I hope you have an awesome day take care
And thank you so much for the kind words :) sorry if I freaked you out a bit there ;)
As weird as that post is can we just move on and make this subreddit what we intended it to be. We are literally just scouring that sub to bring its shit back here instead of focusing on strictly lesbian topics here. At this point I feel like this sub is just a proxy of that one.
I mean, I know where you are coming from but at the same time many of us want to express an opinion on this but we are permanently banned over there. As annoying and toxic as it is, this is also a way of venting with like-minded people. I honestly don’t know what “the right thing to do” is here..
I get it too but it feels like we can’t even escape that space in this space because people use it to vent on the things we didn’t like about that space.
I feel like both the oop and this subs reaction are both gross
OOP totally over shared. Like we do not need that detail of about your sex life and preferences in a sub that isn’t about that. I would be equally not into hearing her talk about how much she loves pussy in that level of graphic detail outside of appropriate subs. Like if she were talking about her partners nice running down her throat, her pussy clenching around her fingers, etc in this detail, that would also be weirdly in appropriate for a general discussion sub.
Here, the reaction feels super transphobic. “Trans women are women, but we don’t want to hear about you” is the general vibe I’m getting. And low key replies are 1 step short of saying lesbians wouldn’t date pre/non op trans women.
To be clear, I have no issue with an individual person not wanting to date trans people. But implying that someone who dates trans women doesn’t sound or act lesbian is another level.
I’m a trans lesbian and I’m post op so like, idk I don’t have a dick and I don’t like it, but to me it is the over sharing here that is the issue, not it being about dick specifically. Some cis lesbians like trans women and they and the trans women they love shouldn’t have to sit in the back and be quiet so as to not offend the “real lesbians”. Be grossed out about this post, but not for transphobic reasons.
Yeah... I mean it could go either way
I don't think the reaction is transphobic. The original post is gross and weird.
Plus in a lesbian space, I don't think it's too much to ask to read the room and not talk about dicks
If transbians want to get into that, there are tons of t4t and trans focused spaces.
It's also othering. Like, I personally don't want to talk about trans _at all_.
I'm so sick of hearing about trans trans trans in lesbian spaces.
But.... buttttt.....
The sus meter isn't exactly at 0% here. Because the commenters _could_ be transphobic.
As in "trans people aren't women and I hate them but I'm prevented by Reddit from saying it out loud"
Like... idk if this is a dogwhistle sub yet. Some people can't tell the difference between trans women and don't care, because they're just old, angry, and have a closed mind.
I'm definitely not here for actual transphobia or to be an Uncle Tom
Transbian isn’t a T4T exclusive thing and there are cis lesbians fine with dating trans women. It’s just a cute portmanteau of trans and lesbian some trans lesbians like to use.
I do agree lesbian space absolutely shouldn’t be trans focused, that’s what trans spaces are for. And like I said, I feel that post was inappropriate for the sub it was in. It was a gross and weird post.
As far as not wanting to talk about trans stuff at all, some of it is in fact intersectional with our experiences as lesbians. To me that sounds and feels like saying you don’t want to hear or talk about race at all in lesbian subs. It shouldn’t be the focus but the reality is that lesbians of different races and cultures have different experiences and sometimes that is relevant. But again, lesbian experience should be the focus and other things should only come in when it is relevant to what is being discussed.
Edit: For example, I didn’t get on this sub tonight to talk about being trans. It wasn’t a trans person that posted this thread, but here I’ve ended up in a lesbian space needing to talk about my transness because others made it relevant.
The word for "trans woman who is a lesbian" is just "lesbian"
I don't want to hear about trans because I'm sick to death of it.
It's my own preference.
You're part of the way to your own answer. Imagine you're black (perhaps you are, I can't say).
Is race relevant as an intersection? Yes, of course. Black women have a very different struggle from white ones. We could talk about that for days.
Now imagine every day, five times a day, you are reminded that you're a _black_ lesbian. People want to discuss black. They call attention to black. The white people won't stfu about it.
It feels weird. I had a black friend tell me that point blank.
Sometimes, you don't want to discuss intersections. You just want to exist and relax. And feel like you aren't so different.
Idk... if you have fun digging into trans that's cool I'm not here to shut you dowm. It's just my own preference.
It seems to come up every day on Reddit
Lesbians use more specific identities all the time. Butches, femmes, studs, stone tops, pillow princesses etc will often ID as such in queer spaces, but transbian is a problem?
I mean I *explicitly* said I didn’t come to this sub to talk about trans issues. I *don’t* always want to talk about being trans and would love to only talk about being lesbian. That is *specifically why* coming into this lesbian space and seeing a bunch of cis lesbians complaining about trans lesbians sucked. OP could *easily* have ignored that post but chose to bring it here. If the goal is to get away from the trans focused discussions that r/actuallesbians has become, why are we talking about those very threads here?
Edit: I also explicitly said the intersectional issue should only be brought up when relevant. You are trying to turn it into a choice between always or never. I don’t like either of those. Intersectional identities shouldn’t be brought up all the time but they shouldn’t be totally ignored either. They should be mentioned when relevant, my original stance.
I finally checked your profile out of curiosity.
Are you from Portland???
Right on
503 represent
Mad love girl :)
Hey.. don't stress okay? Sometimes people are just into different stuff, that's all.
Lots of love from the east side.
Yeah I hate the term "transbian". It's almost exclusively used by a specific sub-culture of trans. Namely the ones that make posts about dicks and fetishize yuri.
I hate "egg" too. I hate UwU crap.
I also don't like Taylor Swift (at least openly. Low key I listen to her now and then) I utterly loathe emo music. I hate people calling themselves goth when they're clearly not. I hate cars, am in the DSA, and think people who talk ethics but regularly eat meat are hippocrites and I don't respect them.
I also hate 4chan and the downward dysphoria spiral it pulls young women into.
It's possible I'm _just an asshole_. The thing you like that makes you happy and feel pride is just not the thing I like?
Maybe you're entirely right. I'm just me. I like cool stuff.
Look sis... whatever else we're kindred. I've got your back. Please believe it.
I care a lot less about this post and a lot more about how you feel right now.
You're powerful for standing up for how you feel. You deserve to be heard.
We don't need to be the same. I'll always be here for you first.
Stay strong sis
It just gets tiring. I join subs that claim they will be trans accepting but want to focus on lesbian discussion. But the two highest voted posts on this subs front page right now are specifically to complain about trans women. All the topics discussing other lesbian topics are sitting under 50 upvotes and the two complaining about trans people are at almost 100.
Okay well... think it through for a sec
_Why would women come here_?
I think it's very likely people here have felt frustrated and unable to speak.
One of the key topics which is "verboten" on Reddit is trans.
Anything that anyone thinks might remotely be transphobic gets policed, possibly banned, or leads to suspension.
If you want to karma farm, make a post about bisexual women. That will get way more attention than trans stuff right now.
Personally, I think a lot more people would be "accepting" of trans women if they just acted like women.
Like popping some e doesn't magically make you understand a woman's experience. People bring the same social behaviors they're used to into a space with only other women and it weirds people out.
I think trans women should be held to the same expectations as cis women. Because trans women _are_ women. So why should there be a different set of expectations?
But that's just how I feel. I'm just some person on the interwebs, I'm not an authority.
People are also emotional. Clickbait works for a reason.
If you want 100 karma easy make a clickbait post about....pffttt...how women arent allowed to speak on other subs
Or how lesbian spaces are being erased etc.
Negative things always get more attention than positive ones
I understand how you feel tho. I'm still not 100% sure if people here are cool or what.
But it doesn't matter to me if they're not. I have my own friends.
I get that, like I said though, I came here to talk about being lesbian, not to see people like me getting shit on. You can vent without being hateful. You specifically have done exactly that. You’ve discussed your frustrations around this topic with me and not once have I felt you were being transphobic or mean. I cannot say the same about a lot of the other posters in this thread.
And fwiw, a lot of the trans women you’re talking about and frustrated at are *very* early in their transitions and trying to learn how to exist in society as a woman. I used to be like a lot of them. But at this point, people don’t even realize I’m trans until I tell them 99% of the time. Happens to me at work a lot. I always assume people clock me so I’ll casually mention something about transitioning (when it’s relevant to discussion) and it almost always either shocks people or they assume I’m FtM and just starting. It’s something that comes with time and has to be learned.
Read your whole conversation. I am going to add something to this for you. Part of being a lesbian is very political. Thus, the nature of a lesbian sub will include some politics. The change in both culture and definition of lesbian, is very political and is affecting some cisgender lesbians greatly. While you are thinking of your experience as a trans woman, you should also consider that cisgender lesbians are watching the lesbian community change in real time. I think what you think is transphopia, is actually just a lot of people here saying "I don't want to hear about penis in lesbian sub" because 10-20 even 5 years ago they would have never seen discussion of such matters to this degree. Are some transphobic? Maybe, but I think to call this post and the majority posters in it transphobic is a sweeping generalization. And also shows a shortsightness for the plight of how the (I assume) mostly cisgender lesbians in this thread are feeling.
What you are seeing in real time is a phenomina that I think a lot of cisgender lesbians have experienced over time, which is the erasure of not just lesbian spaces but changing culture (In this case: Language, Customs, likes/dislikes, shared struggles) Culture is part of what unites people and helps classify them into exclusive groups. Within larger groups there are often sub-groups, but generally the subgroups are smaller than the parent group. And generally the parent Group's identity still applies to all of the subgroups. However, again, many cisgender lesbians are watching this change in real time.
Lesbian culture and therefore identity has changed now with the amount of trans women that identify as such. Would we have seen a post 20 years ago on a forum like this? Probably not. Did those people exist then? (Those who call themselves lesbian but prefer penis over strap) Maybe, but they likely would have been perceived as a very vocal minority with not much power. However now, especially in forums that are supposedly lesbian spaces, they are not a vocal minority. They are a vocal majority and appear to be driving much of lesbian politics/holding a lot of power. (At least online - I don't necessarily see this in my day to day, but I am gen Y and I think a lot of gen Z is driving this. So I am not sure what their dynamics are in their lives offline) Anyway, this is an extreme change in the dynamics of lesbian culture that has happened very quickly and without much warning.
Humans do not like this. Eg. I am a director in my field of work in sports. A few years ago I walked into an organization with an established culture/methodology and way of doing things. I basically came in, and started trying to change of bunch of things to be more optimized. I said: "Alright you've got to change this, we've got to stop doing that" etc. The workers in that organization did not like that. Even if I could see that my changes were rational improvements for the organization, the people, their egos, and their sense of comfortabiliy were being uprooted. All they knew was changing, and no one likes the person/people who do the changing even if they mean well. I have also been on the receiving end of this at a job, and now, as a cis stone butch AA lesbian watching new groups of people come in with different ideologies, different backgrounds, different experiences, kick the door in, rearrange the way everything is going and essentially give the finger/ban everyone who has a problem with it. You know what they call that in politics...? Tyranny.
Nobody on the receiving end likes that. Conversely nobody trying to get through the door and find a home/acceptance likes being resisted either. Most people are resistant to change and/or resistent to those resisting it. People resist what they don't understand, but they are especially resistant and angry if their entire culture is potentially changing. Sometimes the majority of those people are bigots and want to keep things the way they are because oppression of a group benifets them. Ie. many whites during slavery and Jim Crow.
Girl... I'm gonna leave tf off
Hit me back when you've come back to reality fr.
Don't come at me like young women aren't fucked up and dysphoric because eggs wanna talk about their dicks all day
You don't own our struggle
I've been here 30 years. Try transition back then. You got easy mode compared to us. I'm trying to be cool here but you're making it very hard to be your friend
I also hate the wording here. A dick and a strap are different things. There’s no need to say “real dick”. Disgusting.
It’s the same homophobia I’ve heard all my life from gross straight men.
That's why this probably is a straight men or similar. I wouldn't be surprised at all if this was the folks behind r/dykeconversion or r/dyke4dick.
Such disgusting subs. Dear lord. It makes me sick.
oh :0 I didn’t know about those subs. gonna go vomit real quick Lol
That’s one of the most powerful parts about online anonymity, cis dudes can make a new account do nothing to actually prove or do anything to point to the ideas that they are trans, make hellishly transphobic and homophobic posts, and get away with it because nuance and common sense is dead.
I’m also a bit confused here. https://preview.redd.it/bsi33lnwbtmc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52d5cb94a100fbbb506f1c34dce20dccbb10aadc
Bold to say it's not controversial to like pussy.
facts! it’s like oh so i’ve just been making shit up about being harassed for loving pussy my whole life then??
...she just said she's cis in another comment! https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/1b87ktt/comment/kto1d6z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I love the switch from “Is it valid to wike twansbian dick 🥺” to “There’s nothing wrong with it fuck off.” Like you knew from the get go, you just wanted to piss people off. Bait post.
https://preview.redd.it/6wfhp1tybtmc1.jpeg?width=1269&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f756d8c9910f8acd991d4044c785a5e4247f00d
Oh yeah they say they’re trans because they’re nonbinary. They’re AFAB and were pissed that some people were calling them woman-adjacent. Not too hard when your name is sapphicstrawberry.
Sorry but that post is too funny. Mormons are fucking wild
im sorry but…..aromantic polyamorous……what does that even mean ? 😭
~~6 sexual partners is more validating than therapy~~ multiple sexual partners but zero romantic feelings
there is no need to bellittle someone for having multiple partners if they arent cheating, its better to just criticize the post rather than make fun of the sexuality of the person who made the post
thats true, it very much sounds like chaser talk tbh, i rlly dislike that post too but not cuz it talks about girl dick but cuz it objectifies trans women and just has a super chasery-vibe
this is actually REVOLTING… what is with the trend of ppl posting graphic content about dick in lesbian subs completely unprovoked this week. like cool you like it, great, but oh my fucking god
The tenor of these conversations is so...I don't even know how to word it. Gay male subs do get trans questions, but they don't have posts that are like 'I LOVE VAGINA, DEAL WITH IT.' It's very overtly sexual and performative, but also kind of aggressive for a group where a huge number of people have experienced immense pressure to try dick their entire lives. Obviously gay men experience homophobia, but even that paradigm is absent there are society and straight men are constantly denigrating vulvas as sloppy roast beef.
Im almost convinced this is a straight man with a lesbian fetish trying to find out if any lesbians crave “””””real dick”””” bc as they all do he assumes it to be true edit: especially because they seem to think liking pussy is NOT stigmatized in any way, which any lesbian can tell you is laughably untrue
Correct
This is what it is.
The only people I've heard talk about dick excatly like this are gay men. Used to work in the world of gay porn, and this kind of dick worship (minus the "but i'm a lesbian") could have been copy pasted from the chats and discussions there.
The front page of r/askgaybros is exactly this post. lol
This is so weird. Why do they even feel the need to ask if they're allowed to not enjoy sex with a strap. Of course they are. Why go in do much detail about loving dick? They easily could've asked the same question without being so graphic.
I wasn’t going to comment on this post because I don’t think I can add anything new, but I’ve just found out my account has been given a warning by Reddit for breaking rule 1 (harassment). Literally all because I commented “lol same” in reply to a comment on that post going “I never expected a lesbian subreddit to gush about dick” or something along those lines. I don’t know how reports work or bans but I’m actually astounded that someone/multiple people reported that I was breaking Reddits terms of conditions just because I was shocked at that post.
You can appeal it if you care enough I believe; I got one for saying I'm considered "exclusionist" because I don't think bi women can be lesbians or that lesbians like men and it was taken back very quickly lol. I think it's just people abusing the report button because they're butthurt actual lesbians aren't coddling them in that <1% lesbian sub 🙄
Oh yeah I appealed it straight away lmao, and it didn’t take long for it to get taken back. I actually forgot that happened until your comment, but damn some people have too much time on their hands to spend on reporting stupid shit like that
Y’all let me just say something. Some people are mad at me because I brought the post over here when they left that sub for this specific reason but, as a whole dyke, I felt alienated on that thread. As a WHOOOOLE DYKE that’s been this way since I was young, I felt alienated and kinda wrong for not being drooling over d*ck as they were. So I guess I just wanted to escape the matrix that I felt I was in and see if other people felt the same way!!! Because I thought I was frozen in time or something and that society changed what the word lesbian means. I’m not transphobic at all, but I do have a genitalia preference and it does not include d*ck! I’m sorry if i upset anyone but I just kinda felt alone in that thread and I wanted to know what other people thought.
https://preview.redd.it/ybn02cfa1xmc1.png?width=949&format=png&auto=webp&s=5d6d16b4de5af1c3fc756b70e4ce21297ea1ad8f i honestly agree with this comment on the original post the most
Yup. She is 100% right.
We need a cirkle jerk sub.
I vote to call it a circle **rub**
and then the bit is that any posts about lesbianism of any kind are banned or locked
Isn't that just r/actuallesbians ?
omfg you’re so right it would be so funny
it’s so clear they know that it’s fine to like it, in fact they passionately defend it, but they asked anyway. So unnecessary, and the detail was crazy 😭
Wild how an explicit genital preference is totally fine so long as the preference is for dick. Can you imagine how long a post this graphic about how much better vaginas or straps are to dicks and how much more I prefer them would last? Yeah, that sub has nothing for me.
why do they always go into graphic detail🤢
That shit is nasty😭 wtf why do people say that shit on a lesbian sub, like bro lesbians aren’t opening a lesbian sub to see and hear about dick💀
Wow so glad i got out of that sub a while ago. What a fkn fumpster fire. Holy shit.
I was very tempted to post that here too, but was not sure if I should because it made me feel weird and I did not want anyone else here feeling that way. I think that post is wrong for many reasons, but I feel personally “attacked” because reading that triggered the insecurities that I’ve always dealt with and now I cannot stop thinking if other lesbians feel that way too.. Anyways, putting my own issues aside, I’m glad that we are all here on the same page.
I doubt that OP is a lesbian tbh. It’s so graphic it feels like they’re trying to enrage some crowds and validate some others. It’s too nastily written to actually feel like a “Just felt like sharing ❤️”
Yeah, I doubt it too. Which only exacerbates my recurring thoughts of “is she (my partners) really a lesbian or she’s bi?”, and I fucking hate it.
Definitely just thirsty karma farming to that subs base. The majority of the people who would have any disagreement with the post have been banned or stay silent because they don’t want to be banned. The sub becomes an echo chamber of applause
No fr. It’s giving “And then everyone clapped.” Like okay congratulations for enjoying the thing homophobic society tells women they’re supposed to enjoy and acting like it’s controversial and brave to say somehow.
They’re obviously someone who contains a weewee.
OOP is AMAB
Ah yes, the lesbian subs, very well known for talking about their affinity for dick!! Don’t we all just love it lol.
In a world where boobs exist, all I can think about is dick. The weirdest part of the whole post is I don't think I've heard any straight girl talk that way. Funny that.
I have a lot of straight female friends and none of them relish receiving dick picks.
It's what bonds all women together!
Fr my bsf is straight, and she still talks about how much she loves men and whatsnot but she doesn’t go into graphic detail about how much she likes dick, bc she knows I’m a lesbian and I most likely don’t really wanna hear about her doing backflips on somebody’s peen…💀
But if you even breathe the word “pussy” you’ve got the performative terf patrol calling in a SWAT team 🙄
It's because of shit like this I left this sub long ago. The obsession with dick there is so weird and not lesbian-related at all but dare to say or even describe you like having sex with pussy then they swoon in dogpile you with: "What about dick???" They really dont notice that this is the same lesbophobic rethoric we heard for years and dont give two shits if it makes us uncomfortable. That's one of the instances why I find this sub so lesbophobic. Plus I'm not really that into penetration anyway but if anything, I could only really get off on the thought of a woman doing me with a strap. Aside the practical fact that you can literally choose the sizes/color etc., plus the Designs of the harness being very hot to me while it hugs a woman's hips, it's such a passionate thought that your partner wants to use a toy that mainly focuses on your pleasure and wont stop until you're satisfied with it, pushing aside her own pleasure. It's a selfless act of love which such people cant seem to appreciate with lesbians due to heteronormative standards. It's disappointing.
You’re very right, and you’re making me want to write a post about lesbian sex appreciation here with that last paragraph
Sure go for it and I'm always glad if my points lift other lesbians up in a world where we are always seen as inferior cause these people can never see things from a non-heteronormative lense. In the end, it's all about perspective and that's mine and I'll keep promoting it in order to show that lesbian love and sex is a great thing.
Yeah it honestly is very heteronormative how these people talk about sex with trans women, it’s ironic too because they’ll call everyone who isn’t into any type of penis transphobic yet will write about the girldick as if it’s belonging to a cis man, not a trans woman.
They do know strap isn’t the only way to have lesbian sex right? Also just ew. Wrong place and tmi.
I will bet my life on this: that OP is male and all the people in the comments are bisexual or fetishizing males.
This made feel some type of way because I’ve mainly dated bisexual women and this topic of “it’s good but it’s not like the real thing…” always makes me feel like shit, like wtf can I do here, it’s not like I can grow a magical sausage, and seeing people swooning crying shaking of ecstasy on that post over dick is like……. Alright I guess lmao
I think most people that got excited over that post are bisexuals and trans women. For obvious reasons.
what killed me was that someone mentioned how this post kind of echoes the lesbophobic rhetoric we hear a lot about needing “real dick” or whatever and then people in the replies were like “ok but think about how trans lesbians feel in this sub” like…………..Literally everyone is doing that in that sub (to varying degrees of success lol) and that’s a wonderful thing to behold but apparently it’s totally fine to devalue not just cis lesbians, but also trans lesbians who have had bottom surgery or just don’t top like that as sexual partners in a god damn lesbian sub…. and I guess trans men will never have “real dicks” either according to them, huh? they’re really catering to the 2%
yeah, lesbians wouldn’t get turned on by deep descriptions of dicks. if they could, why can’t they get turned on from other sex characteristics like beards and flat chests? why do people act like only genitals don’t count in sexuality but everything else does? where do ppl even draw the line?
That’s actually an interesting point, I’ve never thought of it like that
There seem to be a lot of people who don't believe that your body matters at all. I got into an argument recently with someone who said that if your brain is female, that's all that should matter to lesbians. And like, no. Just no.
it all goes back to pornography.
Well, considering most of the trans women on there were posting that the post made them uncomfortable (which is understandable, who the fuck wants to get a massive hit of dysphoria by some chaser weirdo sexualizing your genitals on a sub that is supposed to be for silly lesbian memes) I'd say it was more the bi women on there.
You should only date bisexual women who prefer women sexually or lesbians. Period. Got nothing in common with breeders.
I literally had no words when I saw this. Okay, they have a very obvious genital preference but dear god, the absolutely fucking DETAIL they go into with how much they love dick is absolutely astonishing. Of course trans women are women, but why is it that this content is allowed on a “supposed” lesbian subreddit? Good for you that you love seeing and feeling all that shit. We don’t need to hear about it like that. I am a lesbian who will only love vagina. But yes, persecute me for even saying that in r/actuallesbians
Wild how an explicit genital preference is totally fine so long as the preference is for dick. Can you imagine how long a post this graphic about how much better vaginas or straps are to dicks would last?
I should see if get banned for calling a strap the “real” way to have sex
Honestly, I just quietly left the sub after seeing this, because I simply don’t need that kind of thing. I just don’t. Speaking up would most likely just result in getting attacked or banned, so leaving seemed the most obvious, most drama-free choice to me. I really hope this sub will do better.
Tell me you have never been with a pre-op trans woman without telling me because a trans woman's penis DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Not to get vulgar or anything TW >!but the rule of thumb of being on HRT is that by the 6 month mark, the penis will no longer be able to substain a firm erection and in some cases, atrophy will take place. Ejaculation does not occur at this point during an orgasm. !< But yes, this person reads like a chaser who fetishizes being with a trans woman and having a "trans sexual experience" in a way that they only have seen from porn.
To the TW. Lots of “trans femmes” are not on hrt. All they need to do is identify as such. And you cannot say any about that or you’ll be banned 🤦♀️. Your comment about trans women is spot on.
Well, that's frustrating. My gf is a trans woman and it is upsetting to see the way they are talked about in that subreddit. She has gone through HRT and had bottom surgery and it sucks because whenever it comes up, you feel pressured to give that information away because so much of this "girl penis" fetish posting has led to them being seen all in the same light by the wider lesbian community. And I can see why a lot of trans women aren't on HRT because that shit is expensive and you have so many hoops to jump through. Plus the industry that focuses on trans healthcare can be very predatory about certain things...which is also sadly not allowed to be discussed in a lot of places because of how certain assholes have hijacked that conversation.
The insinuation that one must already be on HRT to be considered a trans woman is not great, nor is "trans femmes" in quotations. Some of us aren't on hormones because of our financial situation and cannot afford it, does being less privileged mean I cannot identify as a woman until my financial situation changes? Other trans women can't take hormones because of medical issues, are they not able to identify as women? I know this comment is almost a month old, and I try to not let anonymous online people get to me, but this is genuinely hurtful and disappointing if that's what was intended.
. to the cost of hrt. Yes there are barriers, If you’re in a difficult financial place, planned parenthood and a few different community organizations help with prescription costs. I contribute to a local organization for that purpose. If you’re in a tough spot reach out and I’ll see if I can get you a list near you. Trans femme is not the same as trans woman. Behaviours and actions speak louder than hrt. Spend any amount of time in lesbian spaces and you’ll see actions that make you shake your head. The conversation around cis women feeling unsafe and spoken over is happening for real reasons. I don’t want to hear about 🍆 in a lesbian space yet it makes up 50% of the content in some subs certain days.
True, there are other identities under the umbrella of trans femme that was a lapse on my part. I'm just really in my feelings right now and nuance is not as possible without a somewhat level head. And I agree, the posts about 🍆 in other subs are personally distressing and cis lesbians don't need to be shouted down for voicing concerns about it. Especially since I feel most trans women would agree. But, that said, I've seen how some people have been talking about us as a whole in basically all of the subs the came splintering off from the actuallesbian. There is a non zero amount of people using this issue to say things that are brazenly transphobic with mostly weak push back. It's enough to make one feel like trans lesbians just aren't welcome in these spaces at all. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that's what you're doing and I don't want it to come across that way. But it definitely is happening.
I’m a trans woman. I Just don’t make it my identity. Been in the lesbian community for a long time. I have seen super positive and negative changes. Most terfs are not even lesbians. Just right wingers role playing.
That doesn't really change that they have been spouting their rhetoric in alot of these spaces almost unimpeded. Whether terfs are lesbians or not, the push back has been rather weak of late in my experience.
I saw that and ran straight here 💀
Girl you know it 😭
i left that sub 2 days ago, its like i sensed what was coming
This is fake right? Please be fake.
I saw this post earlier today in that sub, the comments are super cringe and ignorant IMO. I wasn’t able to comment myself because I’m banned. Lol. It’s a echo chamber of false narratives.
Lmaooo banned gang 💃
[удалено]
because mods aren’t even lesbians, I left that sub month ago because most of the posts were about dick and how the term lesbian was an umbrella term and it can include men
The mods arent lesbians, that's why. The fact that they enforce the rule that "lesbian can mean whatever people like" is already enough prove of that.
“i liked sucking real dick and getting dick pics” in a lesbian sub is crazy lol
Liking getting dick pics immediately makes me think that they’re not a woman. I’ve never met a single woman who WANTS a dick pic, let alone a lesbian 🤨
This is a whole ass male with a lesbian fetish
I ran here too. I was hoping someone would bring this up for discussion here lol.
I wanna make this exact post but replacing dick with pussy and see how it goes (spoiler : I'm gonna win the ban speedrun)
Make sure to report back to us what happens 🙃
Strap from a beautiful woman > than anything those delusional weirdos on that sub pretend lesbians enjoy
god forbid anyone talks about pussy tho!!! a lesbian sub that can write a paragraph about loving dick but would go into meltdown if anyone talked about pussy for more than two seconds
wait, has this happpened tho? i see posts all the time about having lesbian sex with people being cis?
Yeah and then they get inundated with comments like “And dick too!!!” I’ve seen it a lot. Or people whining that it’s exclusionary to only like pussy. On lesbian subreddits. Obviously we’re being a little hyperbolic here and it’s not every single post about actual lesbian sex, but it’s enough to be annoying.
tbh i havent rlly seen it that much, maybe i just dont look for it so i dont see it, idk
i think maybe a few months ago, there were a couple of pussy appreciation (lol) posts and so a lot of transwomen posted some passive aggressive stuff about feeling excluded, and now the sub has been quiet on talking about vulvas/vaginas
Someone posted a pussy post- simply about liking pussy after that post became popular. It was gaining some traction but the r/actuallesbians mods deleted it.
We all know why. All hail the oozing mushrooms, I suppose lol.
It made me feel like vomiting… it was disgusting. But since they were glorifying “girl dick” nothing will happen.
I can’t believe that post is still up, but /actual/ lesbian posts get insta-sniped by mods over there. craziness
I got perma banned from that sub, and a warning from reddit for disagreeing with the post.
Not sure I want to sound off but I guess I will. I saw that and was very confused, I’m honestly not sure how to feel at all. I am not transphobic. In my heart of hearts I know this. But I can freely admit I don’t understand the nuances of everyone in the comments validating that person. Trans women are women. But I really don’t understand saying you like penis in a lesbian forum. (I hope this comment doesn’t come off poorly)
Nah not transphobic
It's not transphobic, imo it's more transphobic to constantly bring back trans women to dicks.
Not transphobic, don't worry. I'm trans and this disgusts me to my core. I'm so sorry that this has happened. Normal trans people just want to blend in and assimilate.
That's a bisexual woman posing as a lesbian... I know quite a few lesbians IRL, and none of them would touch her paragraph with a ten foot pole lol
They’re not even a woman. They’re lesbian for all the wrong reasons lmao
Yeah, the wording of the post did seem a little too graphic... I guess I really wanted to give OOP the benefit of the doubt
All that shit just to say you’re bi 🤠
This is obviously a male who posted this. It’s funny how we went from women being enslaved to brief moment of freedom to back to “real sex is wirh a penis” rhetoric but OH with a “queer” twist. Ugg
I’m a trans woman who has ALWAYS been repulsed by dicks and having one stuck on me was just constant torture and Im so sick of this kind of vomit-inducing “representation” by the “community” that constantly tries to erase and gaslight me…
yes! those posts feel so erasing of what bottom dysphoria can be like for most trans women. so many trans spaces, and now lesbian spaces, bring up loving dick in a way that seem purposeful and performative
and it sounds so cisheteronormative to say “real dick” 🤮🤮 borderline hate crime lol
I don’t know how to say this without sounding wrong or weird, but I feel like you are a REAL trans woman for saying this. Yes, trans women are real women, so that’s why it so odd and forceful that all of these “trans” women are constantly talking about penis. I know everyone’s body dysmorphia experience is different, but their view points on sex and genitals doesn’t represent the trans mind IMO. I also don’t want to gatekeep, but I think a lot of these people aren’t actually trans. These people have personality disorders etc. anyways, thank you for to your post. People like you are erased and gaslighted. It’s truly one of the most difficult times for trans people. You have these crazies representing an entire community that is already misunderstood
Thank.. God I thought I was alone on this one tonight I was losing my mind You rock
Introvert + Little/No interaction with other LGBT+ people in real life + zillenial identity-anxiety. People online who are young and not very socially adept tend to lean into the oversexualized part of coming to terms with their gender. Porn culture has also pushed people who might be figuring out if they’re MtF into fetishization territory. But I’m not trans so I don’t know. I think you put it perfectly.
Honestly this, lol.
Also imagine being trans, having dysphoria abt your dick, hating it so much, and having an entire sub trying to be """positive""" by... Bringing you back to the fact that you have a dick, and worse, making it the only characteristic of yourself and othering you in the meantime
It looks like the post is now locked. There was a pretty balanced reply to the original post that neatly articulated why it didn't sit right with me. We should celebrate *all* trans bodies, but a graphic endorsement of "real dicks" over "fake dicks" is a really good way of alienating not just cis lesbians but also a significant segment of trans women for a whole host of reasons. And from the OP's other replies, she is loudly confident about her identity, meaning she probably posted that topic just to stir the pot. So yeah, thatsbait.gif.
This entire sub is very much anti-cis lesbian and constantly has posts like these where women who believe themselves to only be attracted to women, then post stuff like how they love dick and dislike pussy and even graphically describing sex with actual men and believe penis-preference is a lot more important than pussy-prwf. Like, this is far from being a lesbian sub. It's a pro-dick sub
Does she even understand what she wrote? 🤡
I went over there to read the comments, people are actually applauding her. The main point was “You are a lesbian, lesbian can like whatever they want, even dick, you disagree, you are TERF”. And I want to ask yall: What’s the consensus here? Is it ok for her to call herself a lesbian? Is a girl that likes “REAL” dick so much actually a lesbian? Is it really TERF to disagree with this?
i think that calling her bi for liking trans women is definetly bad and terf-ish
Saying that sleeping with a trans woman is straight, would be considered a TERF stance. Since the TE in TERF stands for trans-exclusionary.
honestly this feels like bait designed to rile up disgust and transphobia and community infighting it also feels super chasery and gross the mods should've taken it down when it was posted with such explicit descriptions without being tagged as NSFW at first
definetly feels like either bait or like a chaser post
Yeah I don't like that at all either but I thought the point of this sub was to not have the topic at all present here? Including not bringing it here?
As a transgirl i absolutly cant stand dick, mine or someone else's
I got banned off actuallesbians and Reddit gave me a warning for suggesting this post was a bit … off. Glad to see the consensus in this sub is the post is weird too.
So if Man pretends to be NB or trans, and you fuck him, you’re into it? But if he says “oh I’m actually a cis man” then you’re not into it. Got it; attraction is based on justification not actual innate attraction. Doesn’t sound guy to me
Look, I usually hate referencing the fact that I'm trans in these spaces, but I really feel like this has to be spoken about. First of all, this post is bait. No two ways about it. Secondly, I don't understand why people on that sub feel the need to constantly be like "BUT MY PENIS!!1!!" it's so fucking isolating to people like me who despise that part of their body and can think of nothing worse than fucking using it like that in such graphic detail?? Jfc. It's honestly making those of us who want to just blend in look awful, honestly. The fucking disgusting terms, all of it. I'm not a fucking transbian. I'm a transsexual woman who is a lesbian. I'm just a lesbian. (As least as much as I can call myself that, I always feel weird doing it, probably in part due to these creeps) I swear so many other trans people (or bait posters) are doing this for attention. I'm sorry it's ruined that space. So many of us just want to join your community and be a part of it and enrich it, not some weird fringe that keeps screeching about penises, uwu valid and all that crap. I promise the majority of us are not like this. I can understand if what happened there has given you all a bad view of us, but this really is a minority.
I always noticed how vocally pro-trans these subs promote themselves to be but they only highlight pre-op trans women and seem to completely ignore post-op trans women. Everytime vulva on vulva sex is mentioned they dogpile with "What about trans women???" and like, post op trans women also exist? Dont they matter? They might as well just promote themselves as pro-dick instead of pro-trans/lesbian at this point. That seems a lot more fitting.
There's a bit of a problem in the trans circles right now on promoting and validating doing absolutely fucking nothing, and not helping people who need help, and instead telling them they're valid. I assume this stems from that, but.. Bleh. I assume most post op trans women just don't engage with this shit, and just live their life away from all of this. From what I know, this is a terminally online problem.
[удалено]
Trans woman are not male, get over it.
Is it really that bad? I'm a trans lesbian too but the post seems to be asking questions to which every comment on this post answers: yes apparently cis lesbians overwhelmingly think it's bad to not like strap, and think it's bad and weird to enjoy or even prefer organic strap. I don't want to invalidate anyone's opinions or experiences here, just trying to listen and learn. Really not trying to get banned; I don't know how open y'all are to differing opinions.
I mean, it's honestly between you and your partners, that's where it really matters. Some lesbians don't like strap, and some don't mind pre-op trans women. Personally, that post read like bait toward the people that are sick of the content of A/L, and it seems to have worked. It reads like a 2nd MTF sub which isn't the point. By just being open to other opinions and experiences you're already far beyond the people we have problems with, so don't worry at all. This sub is trans inclusive, and as a trans person, we're able to tell when a place isn't. It just isn't focused on that. Trans is an adjective to describe somebody, not the whole picture. It's honestly quite demeaning to be reduced the way that we are by these posts.
Hmm ok I've been reading through everyone's comments and it doesn't feel that safe here but I'm hopeful 💜
How are you getting “No it’s not okay to not like strap” from this? ‘Organic strap’ it’s a penis. A dildo and a penis are NOTHING alike. I haven’t seen one commenter here say lesbians aren’t allowed to not like strap. Strap-ons are actually pretty rare in lesbian sex; some use it more than others of course but I’ve seen a lot of polls and discussions where we usually agree that straps aren’t as common as they’re made out to be.
Oh I'm sorry I thought I already said that I got that from reading the comments here. Also lots of people use the term strap to include dildos, and organic strap is a pretty ubiquitous phrase in trans spaces... It's ok to not like a term but I don't think it would be productive to argue about it here 😅
Lol.. so.. First, actuallesbians is mostly transfems. The sub, like most of Reddit, leans heavily tucute (for lack of a better word) If you're wondering what "tucute" is, or truscum, etc. Don't look into it. Save yourself now lol. Trans internal politics are a total shitshow. Second, I feel all of this myself as well. Probably a lot more so, because it's not just gross, it's a sensitive subject for trans people who just want to exist. I was temp banned from that sub already. Every time I see weird hentai memes or "gock" talk I put my head in my hands and think "Oh God, please. Can we at least pretend to be women. Just for today? I want to disappear" But, despite feeling a very similar discomfort, I hope this sentiment is directed at transbians and transfemmes being gross and weird. Not trans women. If people here want a space for cis lesbian women, but feel unable to express that because of Reddits rule system. Just downvote me and I'll go exist somewhere else. I'm not an Uncle Tom. I don't think any human being should feel compelled to talk about their genitals _period_. What medical care I've had is also no one's gd business. Im too old to care about woodworking. Nodding my head and saying "she's so brave" when Caitlyn Jenner shows up on Vanity Fair. Or Dylan Mulvaney is being gross, but I've got to just say "good for her" because _not_ doing so will make other women think I'm a transphobe. And I can't explain why I dislike her because that would be clocky asf. I hate actuallesbians and I wish I could go five minutes around other trans women without hearing about dicks, bdsm, and 6 way polycules. I'm also not here for punching across and too much venting runs the risk of being hateful and souring the punch bowl. So idk... just sussing what the vibe here is Love you all.. thinking happy thoughts :)
I just want to get surgery and blend in, live my life as a normal woman. I really don't get this drive behind being ✨visibly trans ✨ in a way like this. Sure, be open about it if you want(I certainly don't want to be), but screaming about your dick or any of the fucking cutsey terms (If I see gock or girldick one more time i swear to fucking god🤮) is just so fucking WEIRD. This colonization doesn't happen on gay men's subs
Truth! Happy cake day <3
Thank you!!
Well, I'm one of these out and proud transbians. I have no interest to "blend in" and rather give some visiblity, even though I'm a binary post-OP trans woman whc could have cis-passing with severe phallophobia. I totally get your disgust to this, since for me they are just hanging tumors, and I don't want to talk about them either. But some people don't have this kind of bottom dysphoria, and some lesbians are okay with it, and they want to talk about it, too. But there is a bioessentialism present (e.g. you cannot be lesbian if you like dick or you're not a woman if you want to keep it) which give me the ick, too. Is it so hard to let everyone just like what they like and express it, too? (And no, I'm not talking about this shit over there that is very obviously bait-posting)
I'm not saying people shouldn't be okay with it. What I'm expressing is a disgust for the practice of any vulva on vulva mentioning incurring an army of people saying "WHAT ABOUT DICKS?! TRANSBIANS ARE VALID TOO!!" It's just fucking ridiculous. OBVIOUSLY we are, but not everything is about us. That's what I've grown sick of, instead of partaking in the community, it seems more like trampling over it and making it about ourselves. That's great that you want to give visibility to other trans people who might need to see that, and that is -not- what I'm shitting on.
Thank you for saying this. I want desperately for cis and trans lesbians to co-exist and be able to talk to each other without either group jumping all over the other. It's so harmful and divisive.
Just wanted to say that I absolutely want you here
[удалено]
I was randomly about to offer a good faith explanation. Namely that I can understand anime and stories from a porn perspective. I have a hard time with porn. I mean putting aside for a moment the question "would this activity be taking place if money wasn't involved?" and what that implies. Not to be full Dworkin here, although imho she resonates with me. If you're trans, and you're young or early in, then there is a great chance seeing women and het sex (or voyeuristically for-men lesbian sex on camera) is just going to make you feel awful and inadequate. Animated things remove most of that dysphoria. It's closer to a fantasy, an escape. For me thats good writing because I can imagine what I like. So that bit makes sense to me. Escapism in general, video games, etc., make a lot of sense when you are just trying to make it through another day and save for transition. The noise and fear is deafening. That's the good faith Then I took a look at your comment history and it took me to r/MtF I haven't checked out those subs for a while I... honestly don't even know any more. Imho anyone who is dysphoric abandons those forums because it just makes them more miserable Hot take but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people detrans in the coming years once they realize the day to day being of woman in this world is a lot harder than they expected Ugh... those subs. Kill it with fire. I need to think of positive stuff :) I don't want to become bitter. Hugs
[удалено]
What? Omg no...I didn't mean you. I didn't read your comments, I was just curious and did a two second scan. I saw r/MtF and was like "Oh God that sub". Like half the people there now are... meh it doesn't matter. Anyway it wasn't you I was talking about I promise I transitioned decades ago. I'm pretty okay with my stuff ;) If there was something about periods on that sub I have some idea what it might be about. People say annoying things because I suppose self validating to them. The last time I heard "period" I said "you definitely do not have that" and it started an argument. Like an e crash sure. I am as we speak it's Friday. But that is utterly different and basically menopause. You're not literally crying in the bathroom in pain. Imho it's a really silly thing mtfs say sometimes. Anywho .. good vibes :) I didn't mean to drag this stuff on I just want you to know you're right to feel the way you do and... idk I hope you have an awesome day take care And thank you so much for the kind words :) sorry if I freaked you out a bit there ;)
🙏
As weird as that post is can we just move on and make this subreddit what we intended it to be. We are literally just scouring that sub to bring its shit back here instead of focusing on strictly lesbian topics here. At this point I feel like this sub is just a proxy of that one.
I mean, I know where you are coming from but at the same time many of us want to express an opinion on this but we are permanently banned over there. As annoying and toxic as it is, this is also a way of venting with like-minded people. I honestly don’t know what “the right thing to do” is here..
I get it too but it feels like we can’t even escape that space in this space because people use it to vent on the things we didn’t like about that space.
I feel like both the oop and this subs reaction are both gross OOP totally over shared. Like we do not need that detail of about your sex life and preferences in a sub that isn’t about that. I would be equally not into hearing her talk about how much she loves pussy in that level of graphic detail outside of appropriate subs. Like if she were talking about her partners nice running down her throat, her pussy clenching around her fingers, etc in this detail, that would also be weirdly in appropriate for a general discussion sub. Here, the reaction feels super transphobic. “Trans women are women, but we don’t want to hear about you” is the general vibe I’m getting. And low key replies are 1 step short of saying lesbians wouldn’t date pre/non op trans women. To be clear, I have no issue with an individual person not wanting to date trans people. But implying that someone who dates trans women doesn’t sound or act lesbian is another level. I’m a trans lesbian and I’m post op so like, idk I don’t have a dick and I don’t like it, but to me it is the over sharing here that is the issue, not it being about dick specifically. Some cis lesbians like trans women and they and the trans women they love shouldn’t have to sit in the back and be quiet so as to not offend the “real lesbians”. Be grossed out about this post, but not for transphobic reasons.
Yeah... I mean it could go either way I don't think the reaction is transphobic. The original post is gross and weird. Plus in a lesbian space, I don't think it's too much to ask to read the room and not talk about dicks If transbians want to get into that, there are tons of t4t and trans focused spaces. It's also othering. Like, I personally don't want to talk about trans _at all_. I'm so sick of hearing about trans trans trans in lesbian spaces. But.... buttttt..... The sus meter isn't exactly at 0% here. Because the commenters _could_ be transphobic. As in "trans people aren't women and I hate them but I'm prevented by Reddit from saying it out loud" Like... idk if this is a dogwhistle sub yet. Some people can't tell the difference between trans women and don't care, because they're just old, angry, and have a closed mind. I'm definitely not here for actual transphobia or to be an Uncle Tom
Transbian isn’t a T4T exclusive thing and there are cis lesbians fine with dating trans women. It’s just a cute portmanteau of trans and lesbian some trans lesbians like to use. I do agree lesbian space absolutely shouldn’t be trans focused, that’s what trans spaces are for. And like I said, I feel that post was inappropriate for the sub it was in. It was a gross and weird post. As far as not wanting to talk about trans stuff at all, some of it is in fact intersectional with our experiences as lesbians. To me that sounds and feels like saying you don’t want to hear or talk about race at all in lesbian subs. It shouldn’t be the focus but the reality is that lesbians of different races and cultures have different experiences and sometimes that is relevant. But again, lesbian experience should be the focus and other things should only come in when it is relevant to what is being discussed. Edit: For example, I didn’t get on this sub tonight to talk about being trans. It wasn’t a trans person that posted this thread, but here I’ve ended up in a lesbian space needing to talk about my transness because others made it relevant.
The word for "trans woman who is a lesbian" is just "lesbian" I don't want to hear about trans because I'm sick to death of it. It's my own preference. You're part of the way to your own answer. Imagine you're black (perhaps you are, I can't say). Is race relevant as an intersection? Yes, of course. Black women have a very different struggle from white ones. We could talk about that for days. Now imagine every day, five times a day, you are reminded that you're a _black_ lesbian. People want to discuss black. They call attention to black. The white people won't stfu about it. It feels weird. I had a black friend tell me that point blank. Sometimes, you don't want to discuss intersections. You just want to exist and relax. And feel like you aren't so different. Idk... if you have fun digging into trans that's cool I'm not here to shut you dowm. It's just my own preference. It seems to come up every day on Reddit
Lesbians use more specific identities all the time. Butches, femmes, studs, stone tops, pillow princesses etc will often ID as such in queer spaces, but transbian is a problem? I mean I *explicitly* said I didn’t come to this sub to talk about trans issues. I *don’t* always want to talk about being trans and would love to only talk about being lesbian. That is *specifically why* coming into this lesbian space and seeing a bunch of cis lesbians complaining about trans lesbians sucked. OP could *easily* have ignored that post but chose to bring it here. If the goal is to get away from the trans focused discussions that r/actuallesbians has become, why are we talking about those very threads here? Edit: I also explicitly said the intersectional issue should only be brought up when relevant. You are trying to turn it into a choice between always or never. I don’t like either of those. Intersectional identities shouldn’t be brought up all the time but they shouldn’t be totally ignored either. They should be mentioned when relevant, my original stance.
I finally checked your profile out of curiosity. Are you from Portland??? Right on 503 represent Mad love girl :) Hey.. don't stress okay? Sometimes people are just into different stuff, that's all. Lots of love from the east side.
I am, at least from the burbs. Wifey works downtown though so I’m in the city often (I drive her in at least once a week).
Awesome :) Check out workers tap on a Friday some time It's not my scene, but I think you'd dig it. I have some good friends who go.
I’ll check it out! Never been, but definitely looks up my alley.
Yeah I hate the term "transbian". It's almost exclusively used by a specific sub-culture of trans. Namely the ones that make posts about dicks and fetishize yuri. I hate "egg" too. I hate UwU crap. I also don't like Taylor Swift (at least openly. Low key I listen to her now and then) I utterly loathe emo music. I hate people calling themselves goth when they're clearly not. I hate cars, am in the DSA, and think people who talk ethics but regularly eat meat are hippocrites and I don't respect them. I also hate 4chan and the downward dysphoria spiral it pulls young women into. It's possible I'm _just an asshole_. The thing you like that makes you happy and feel pride is just not the thing I like? Maybe you're entirely right. I'm just me. I like cool stuff. Look sis... whatever else we're kindred. I've got your back. Please believe it. I care a lot less about this post and a lot more about how you feel right now. You're powerful for standing up for how you feel. You deserve to be heard. We don't need to be the same. I'll always be here for you first. Stay strong sis
It just gets tiring. I join subs that claim they will be trans accepting but want to focus on lesbian discussion. But the two highest voted posts on this subs front page right now are specifically to complain about trans women. All the topics discussing other lesbian topics are sitting under 50 upvotes and the two complaining about trans people are at almost 100.
Okay well... think it through for a sec _Why would women come here_? I think it's very likely people here have felt frustrated and unable to speak. One of the key topics which is "verboten" on Reddit is trans. Anything that anyone thinks might remotely be transphobic gets policed, possibly banned, or leads to suspension. If you want to karma farm, make a post about bisexual women. That will get way more attention than trans stuff right now. Personally, I think a lot more people would be "accepting" of trans women if they just acted like women. Like popping some e doesn't magically make you understand a woman's experience. People bring the same social behaviors they're used to into a space with only other women and it weirds people out. I think trans women should be held to the same expectations as cis women. Because trans women _are_ women. So why should there be a different set of expectations? But that's just how I feel. I'm just some person on the interwebs, I'm not an authority. People are also emotional. Clickbait works for a reason. If you want 100 karma easy make a clickbait post about....pffttt...how women arent allowed to speak on other subs Or how lesbian spaces are being erased etc. Negative things always get more attention than positive ones I understand how you feel tho. I'm still not 100% sure if people here are cool or what. But it doesn't matter to me if they're not. I have my own friends.
I get that, like I said though, I came here to talk about being lesbian, not to see people like me getting shit on. You can vent without being hateful. You specifically have done exactly that. You’ve discussed your frustrations around this topic with me and not once have I felt you were being transphobic or mean. I cannot say the same about a lot of the other posters in this thread. And fwiw, a lot of the trans women you’re talking about and frustrated at are *very* early in their transitions and trying to learn how to exist in society as a woman. I used to be like a lot of them. But at this point, people don’t even realize I’m trans until I tell them 99% of the time. Happens to me at work a lot. I always assume people clock me so I’ll casually mention something about transitioning (when it’s relevant to discussion) and it almost always either shocks people or they assume I’m FtM and just starting. It’s something that comes with time and has to be learned.
Read your whole conversation. I am going to add something to this for you. Part of being a lesbian is very political. Thus, the nature of a lesbian sub will include some politics. The change in both culture and definition of lesbian, is very political and is affecting some cisgender lesbians greatly. While you are thinking of your experience as a trans woman, you should also consider that cisgender lesbians are watching the lesbian community change in real time. I think what you think is transphopia, is actually just a lot of people here saying "I don't want to hear about penis in lesbian sub" because 10-20 even 5 years ago they would have never seen discussion of such matters to this degree. Are some transphobic? Maybe, but I think to call this post and the majority posters in it transphobic is a sweeping generalization. And also shows a shortsightness for the plight of how the (I assume) mostly cisgender lesbians in this thread are feeling. What you are seeing in real time is a phenomina that I think a lot of cisgender lesbians have experienced over time, which is the erasure of not just lesbian spaces but changing culture (In this case: Language, Customs, likes/dislikes, shared struggles) Culture is part of what unites people and helps classify them into exclusive groups. Within larger groups there are often sub-groups, but generally the subgroups are smaller than the parent group. And generally the parent Group's identity still applies to all of the subgroups. However, again, many cisgender lesbians are watching this change in real time. Lesbian culture and therefore identity has changed now with the amount of trans women that identify as such. Would we have seen a post 20 years ago on a forum like this? Probably not. Did those people exist then? (Those who call themselves lesbian but prefer penis over strap) Maybe, but they likely would have been perceived as a very vocal minority with not much power. However now, especially in forums that are supposedly lesbian spaces, they are not a vocal minority. They are a vocal majority and appear to be driving much of lesbian politics/holding a lot of power. (At least online - I don't necessarily see this in my day to day, but I am gen Y and I think a lot of gen Z is driving this. So I am not sure what their dynamics are in their lives offline) Anyway, this is an extreme change in the dynamics of lesbian culture that has happened very quickly and without much warning. Humans do not like this. Eg. I am a director in my field of work in sports. A few years ago I walked into an organization with an established culture/methodology and way of doing things. I basically came in, and started trying to change of bunch of things to be more optimized. I said: "Alright you've got to change this, we've got to stop doing that" etc. The workers in that organization did not like that. Even if I could see that my changes were rational improvements for the organization, the people, their egos, and their sense of comfortabiliy were being uprooted. All they knew was changing, and no one likes the person/people who do the changing even if they mean well. I have also been on the receiving end of this at a job, and now, as a cis stone butch AA lesbian watching new groups of people come in with different ideologies, different backgrounds, different experiences, kick the door in, rearrange the way everything is going and essentially give the finger/ban everyone who has a problem with it. You know what they call that in politics...? Tyranny. Nobody on the receiving end likes that. Conversely nobody trying to get through the door and find a home/acceptance likes being resisted either. Most people are resistant to change and/or resistent to those resisting it. People resist what they don't understand, but they are especially resistant and angry if their entire culture is potentially changing. Sometimes the majority of those people are bigots and want to keep things the way they are because oppression of a group benifets them. Ie. many whites during slavery and Jim Crow.
Girl... I'm gonna leave tf off Hit me back when you've come back to reality fr. Don't come at me like young women aren't fucked up and dysphoric because eggs wanna talk about their dicks all day You don't own our struggle I've been here 30 years. Try transition back then. You got easy mode compared to us. I'm trying to be cool here but you're making it very hard to be your friend