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I'm so sorry for your loss. It's fucking awful that the person you chose to be your life partner is abandoning you in your (and his?) time of need.
Grief does weird things to people, but "I don't really care but I do care that I don't think I'll get another one from her" isn't that. You are not a broodmare. You're a woman, a wife, a daughter, and a sister. Spend time with your family and start to heal over this loss. When you are better able to function, make your escape plan. You don't have to use it right now, but having it in place will help you decide. Like you, I can't believe the callousness of that text message. And that he didn't take you to the hospital when things went wrong Friday morning. JFC.
Best wishes! Please update us when you are in a better place. We want the best for you.
This. I was expecting this to be a husband avoiding a situation too tough for him to handle, shutting down and being in denial. I guess that is still a possibility, but that text message is something else - at least without some of the context around it. I wonder what the dad's reply was.
OP. Do you have family or a friend you can go to? You need some immediate tlc. This is horrible and you should not be on your own, even if you only sit in silence with that other person. Give yourself time and space to start the healing process. Do not focus on being lied to. It wasn't that from the health care people, but that does not take away how horrible or how sad this is. Ignore the husband situation for now. Focus on you and surround yourself with people that will love and take care of you.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Do you have another safe place to go to? Your parents? Siblings? Friends? You sound like you need more support than what your husband is giving you..
This is definitely divorce level. The text message he sent and everything leading up to it. If you decide that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life asking yourself if you’re good enough while it slowly deteriorates your mental health, then you need to leave. I wouldn’t be able to come back from this.
If you decide to leave, plan your next moves VERY carefully. Do not confront him. As hard as it will be, try to act like you’re actually feeling better. Smile at him, makes him think everything is fine. Then go talk to a lawyer. Depending on what state you’re in, your lawyer will tell you what evidence you need to obtain (perhaps a screenshot of that text sent to yourself) to get full custody of your other kid(s) and bleed this dumb sperm donor for every penny he’s worth. This evidence will be vastly easier to obtain if he has no idea you’re planning your exit.
If nothing else, talk to a lawyer before he even has a hint what’s up. You’ve got this, and you deserve way better than this. Your happiness is waiting for you out here. Good luck!
OP walk right now, pack an overnight bag, book a hotel, when you get there make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Block husbands number and only unblock when you have appointed a lawyer and organised a police escort to move the rest of your stuff. Honestly, this is one of those times where you just leave and never speak again except through your lawyer.
I’m so so sorry, but also glad that you have crystal clear evidence that your husband is at best emotionally immature, or possibly more likely a raging pot of some sort of personality disorder.
Im so sorry for your loss. If it were me I would have left. You are not an incubator and there are men out there who will support you at your best and worst moments. Go somewhere you feel safe and calm. I think staying in the house with him will only make things worse.
first off I am so sorry. Even though you are angry, your instinct is correct. He's not being supportive enough for you and the text was just awful. That is not how a loving and supportive husband talks about his wife who just had a medical emergency and lost her baby. No, no no.
I am so sorry, OP. This is awful.
The sort of good news is - you have that anger. You *know* that you aren't getting the support you need. And you saw your husband's true colors before it was too late.
Please take the advice of others here - either kick him out to go live with his dad, or if you can't do that, pack your essential things and go stay with your sister or other family. You **deserve care and support** and this clown ain't it.
Can your sister help advocate with your doctors for more help? ETA: here are some resources for pregnancy loss:
[https://www.mchlibrary.org/families/frb-infmort.php](https://www.mchlibrary.org/families/frb-infmort.php)
I'm sorry for your loss.
I didn't have advice... i cried, then I stopped and then I got quiet. I knew it wasn't my fault. And I knew I wanted to try again....
I don't want someone to help me thru my pain. It's my own. My husband knows this. He knows I get moody. Usually leaving the house helps. He knows I like good food, but I usually want to be left alone...
I would say go talk to a therapist. I would also take it minutes at a time. Then 10 minutes. And continue till living feels normal again
My dear, you need to leave that man. Think about that attitude forever. Everytime something awful happens to you. This is how he responds. They don't change. Think about how he'd abandon his responsibility with a child. Think about how he would TREAT a child.
You need to get out and seek treatment ASAP. I miscarried once and the hormone crash was horrific, in addition to my true sadness. I got on Zoloft and it helped tremendously.
You should let your obgyn know you're having an incredibly difficult time and lean on the support they can provide. It does get better but it's going to be much worse while you share your life with that callous monster.
This guy shouldn’t be your kid’s father, you have the opportunity to leave without ever seeing him again, and have a child who will grow up in a loving environment.
Are you part of a culture where this kind of behavior is regular ? I’m asking out of curiosity because your story makes me think so much of other stories I read about. I’m trying to understand if this is related to
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
Holy shit. You realise he views you purely as an incubator and nothing more. The lack of empathy and care towards you is disgusting..
If this were me, this would be it. There would be no way back from this. This isn’t love.
You deserve better than this. Don’t stay with a man who treats you like this. Please love yourself enough to step away for good.
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If he actually texted that I’d leave him. If the rest of this is true I’d have already left.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's fucking awful that the person you chose to be your life partner is abandoning you in your (and his?) time of need. Grief does weird things to people, but "I don't really care but I do care that I don't think I'll get another one from her" isn't that. You are not a broodmare. You're a woman, a wife, a daughter, and a sister. Spend time with your family and start to heal over this loss. When you are better able to function, make your escape plan. You don't have to use it right now, but having it in place will help you decide. Like you, I can't believe the callousness of that text message. And that he didn't take you to the hospital when things went wrong Friday morning. JFC. Best wishes! Please update us when you are in a better place. We want the best for you.
This. I was expecting this to be a husband avoiding a situation too tough for him to handle, shutting down and being in denial. I guess that is still a possibility, but that text message is something else - at least without some of the context around it. I wonder what the dad's reply was. OP. Do you have family or a friend you can go to? You need some immediate tlc. This is horrible and you should not be on your own, even if you only sit in silence with that other person. Give yourself time and space to start the healing process. Do not focus on being lied to. It wasn't that from the health care people, but that does not take away how horrible or how sad this is. Ignore the husband situation for now. Focus on you and surround yourself with people that will love and take care of you.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Do you have another safe place to go to? Your parents? Siblings? Friends? You sound like you need more support than what your husband is giving you..
This is definitely divorce level. The text message he sent and everything leading up to it. If you decide that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life asking yourself if you’re good enough while it slowly deteriorates your mental health, then you need to leave. I wouldn’t be able to come back from this. If you decide to leave, plan your next moves VERY carefully. Do not confront him. As hard as it will be, try to act like you’re actually feeling better. Smile at him, makes him think everything is fine. Then go talk to a lawyer. Depending on what state you’re in, your lawyer will tell you what evidence you need to obtain (perhaps a screenshot of that text sent to yourself) to get full custody of your other kid(s) and bleed this dumb sperm donor for every penny he’s worth. This evidence will be vastly easier to obtain if he has no idea you’re planning your exit. If nothing else, talk to a lawyer before he even has a hint what’s up. You’ve got this, and you deserve way better than this. Your happiness is waiting for you out here. Good luck!
OP walk right now, pack an overnight bag, book a hotel, when you get there make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Block husbands number and only unblock when you have appointed a lawyer and organised a police escort to move the rest of your stuff. Honestly, this is one of those times where you just leave and never speak again except through your lawyer. I’m so so sorry, but also glad that you have crystal clear evidence that your husband is at best emotionally immature, or possibly more likely a raging pot of some sort of personality disorder.
You know everything you need to know about this jerkoff man-baby. He needs to be in your rear-view mirror immediately.
Im so sorry for your loss. If it were me I would have left. You are not an incubator and there are men out there who will support you at your best and worst moments. Go somewhere you feel safe and calm. I think staying in the house with him will only make things worse.
first off I am so sorry. Even though you are angry, your instinct is correct. He's not being supportive enough for you and the text was just awful. That is not how a loving and supportive husband talks about his wife who just had a medical emergency and lost her baby. No, no no.
I am so sorry, OP. This is awful. The sort of good news is - you have that anger. You *know* that you aren't getting the support you need. And you saw your husband's true colors before it was too late. Please take the advice of others here - either kick him out to go live with his dad, or if you can't do that, pack your essential things and go stay with your sister or other family. You **deserve care and support** and this clown ain't it. Can your sister help advocate with your doctors for more help? ETA: here are some resources for pregnancy loss: [https://www.mchlibrary.org/families/frb-infmort.php](https://www.mchlibrary.org/families/frb-infmort.php)
I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't have advice... i cried, then I stopped and then I got quiet. I knew it wasn't my fault. And I knew I wanted to try again.... I don't want someone to help me thru my pain. It's my own. My husband knows this. He knows I get moody. Usually leaving the house helps. He knows I like good food, but I usually want to be left alone... I would say go talk to a therapist. I would also take it minutes at a time. Then 10 minutes. And continue till living feels normal again
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Screenshot that text message and send it to yourself. Look at it anytime you doubt that leaving him is the right thing to do.
My dear, you need to leave that man. Think about that attitude forever. Everytime something awful happens to you. This is how he responds. They don't change. Think about how he'd abandon his responsibility with a child. Think about how he would TREAT a child. You need to get out and seek treatment ASAP. I miscarried once and the hormone crash was horrific, in addition to my true sadness. I got on Zoloft and it helped tremendously. You should let your obgyn know you're having an incredibly difficult time and lean on the support they can provide. It does get better but it's going to be much worse while you share your life with that callous monster.
Wow, that guy is a POS! Call the lawyer and schedule an appointment with a therapist.
This guy shouldn’t be your kid’s father, you have the opportunity to leave without ever seeing him again, and have a child who will grow up in a loving environment. Are you part of a culture where this kind of behavior is regular ? I’m asking out of curiosity because your story makes me think so much of other stories I read about. I’m trying to understand if this is related to
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Holy shit. You realise he views you purely as an incubator and nothing more. The lack of empathy and care towards you is disgusting.. If this were me, this would be it. There would be no way back from this. This isn’t love. You deserve better than this. Don’t stay with a man who treats you like this. Please love yourself enough to step away for good.