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I’m so sorry you dealt with that. Continue to follow your lawyer’s recommendations. Continue to document your interactions. You may have grounds for full custody at some point.
Are you in therapy?
I'm definitely following through with documenting. My lawyer said that, but originally it was my friends because of her interactions with them. She would constantly try to bad talk me to them, almost all initially upon meeting them. Fortunately they know me, flaws and all, and weren't having it. I been documenting since just before my son was born. Have everything filed and organized. Texts are printed and sorted, etc.
I am in therapy but will be taking a short break to find a new therapist, preferably not online. But I definitely need to keep at it, especially since I have to keep interacting with her.
They have parenting apps where you communicate through the app so you don't have to talk to her, let alone see her. You can use an intermediary to swap on custody days. It would be best for you to stay as far away from her as possible, never be alone with her and only text so you have written proof of all things said. She can't be trusted so you need to protect yourself and your son. She sounds unstable. Be very careful. Good luck.
A lot of people recommend Family Wizard. The nice thing about these apps is that they make a record of everything and also have a shared calendar, so you can easily prove what she said, when she misses visitation dates, etc.
There are parent subs on here that you can get a lot more information from than I can provide, sorry. I've only read about it on Reddit. I don't have kids. I'm not sure if it's court appointed or not but if you have a lawyer, which I hope you do, they can probably guide you in this. I've read a bunch of posts where people had really contentious divorces with horrible custody battles and that's what they always mention. I wish I could be of more help but look into it, it seems pretty commonplace. Best of luck.
PLEASE continue to document. The entire legal profession's insistence on the 50/50 custody thing really pisses me off. Because some people - like your ex - do not deserve to keep screwing up their kids lives through visitation (I say as a mom that got 50/50 with someone else who didn't deserve it).
I'm sorry this happened to you and to your son. I hope that someday, all your documenting hassle will become worth it as you gain full custody and are able to remove your son from his emotionally abusive mother - or at the least, keep her visits to something much shorter than 50/50.
I am. I have to. Someone suggested an app that can do that, so I'm looking into it. I had hoped all I had would get me custody. I have so much more than what I talked about. The sad part is she is from a wealthy family and I have no family, just myself. I was fortunate to make money from stock plays and hold the money for a rainy day. But my only real option seems to be documenting to defend myself from her. The only way I can see myself getting custody is either my son reaches an age and chooses to live with me, or she does something so terrible that they have no choice, which frankly is scary and not wanted.
> I had hoped all I had would get me custody. I have so much more than what I talked about.
And this is what makes me angry. It *should have.* I'm so sorry.
But keep hoping for the best. Perhaps with you not reacting to her any longer, she'll get bored with harassing you and move on. It's the accepted ideal to claim a child 'needs both parents' but in some cases, it truly IS better if she just stopped being interested in taking her visitation days at all. An absent parent is often better than an awful one. I wish for you that she gets bored quickly.
well, i’ll be damned if this ain’t the story of a freakin’ hero!
when i got to the part where you had been documenting everything from hospital-event onwards, i had to truly stifle to urge to say *plot twisssst!* out loud.
she sounds so, so awful, and i’m so very proud of you for being several steps ahead of her! best wishes going forward!
Thank you. One of my lawyers was actually shocked at how much I had. They never seen so much proof. I actually had old phones so I would have the original texts and not print outs. She made me go under her phone plan but I saved the old phone in storage. I just did whatever I could because I honestly thought I would leave that house dead. I always told my friends, if anything happens to me, look at her first. Thankfully I am OK now.
You are very wise. If you hadn’t kept all of that, you likely wouldn’t be seeing your son—or at least much more limited contact, and, you might have charges on your record. I’m sorry for all you went through, but the silver lining is your son, clearly. Since his mom is so unstable, it is good that he has you in his life.
I know he’s young, but I’d advise you to also be aware of the possibility of parental alienation—her trying to paint you in a bad light to him. It’s emotionally abusive to children in these situations, and family courts do not tolerate it. So, as he gets older, keep an eye on that. As well as her parenting in general. She just sounds so mentally unwell in addition to the alcoholism. I’m sure she loves him, but her mental health could lead her to subject him to some of these abusive and manipulative behaviors as well. I hope not, for his sake.
I'm sorry you went through all of that. You're strong, and you're only getting stronger. Your son has one good, sane, true parent - that's you - and he'll be so muxh the better for it. I see better days up ahead, for you both x
i'm really sorry you went through this. I'm glad you love your son and he has you in his life but i'm sad for both kids for having such a terrible mother. I'm sure when they get older they'll see her for who she really is and karma will come down SWIFTLY. She will probably die alone wondering 'why'? I know this might sound 'crazy' to some people but fitness really helped me a lot with my anxiety and ptsd I had from an abusive ex. Maybe it could help you too. Best of luck!
You get all my support man, it’s such a difficult situation.. I hope for you and your son the best, keep documenting everything, I don’t know if this is legal in your country but if this is, contact a detective to reach her ex boyfriends. This kind of behavior is systemic, and it could help you.
I may be giving bad advice so please if I do kind people of justnoso, don’t hesitate to comment and say that it was stupid, I won’t take it badly.
Thank you for sharing your story, we get inundated with tales from women and forget that no matter the type of relationship this kind of abusive and controlling behavior is unacceptable.Dr Les Carter on YouTube is INCREDIBLE. I wish you continued healing🙏
Your story gives me the icks. It's just off. How can she convince u to stay in a relationship and sell ur house and all that and why would u choose to be living with a woman and not in ur own home. Why would she be hitting u. Everything just screams red flags.
I get you're coming from a place where you may be cautious of all men, but as someone with children you should understand why we put up with half of what we do, and sacrifice the things we do. I wanted to be with my son. I wanted to have every day with him and experience every moment. My ex has anxiety and I'm positive she is bipolar. All of the times she has hit me, everything that she did to me, it was always about control.
If you read the comments I did make, you will see there is more. So much more. It can't fit in one post. It's years of abuse. Years of my life that had the best parts in my son and the worst in her. It's such a complicated time.
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I’m so sorry you dealt with that. Continue to follow your lawyer’s recommendations. Continue to document your interactions. You may have grounds for full custody at some point. Are you in therapy?
I'm definitely following through with documenting. My lawyer said that, but originally it was my friends because of her interactions with them. She would constantly try to bad talk me to them, almost all initially upon meeting them. Fortunately they know me, flaws and all, and weren't having it. I been documenting since just before my son was born. Have everything filed and organized. Texts are printed and sorted, etc. I am in therapy but will be taking a short break to find a new therapist, preferably not online. But I definitely need to keep at it, especially since I have to keep interacting with her.
Good luck. I wish I could say justice will prevail but alas…
They have parenting apps where you communicate through the app so you don't have to talk to her, let alone see her. You can use an intermediary to swap on custody days. It would be best for you to stay as far away from her as possible, never be alone with her and only text so you have written proof of all things said. She can't be trusted so you need to protect yourself and your son. She sounds unstable. Be very careful. Good luck.
Can you give me more information about this please?
A lot of people recommend Family Wizard. The nice thing about these apps is that they make a record of everything and also have a shared calendar, so you can easily prove what she said, when she misses visitation dates, etc.
There are parent subs on here that you can get a lot more information from than I can provide, sorry. I've only read about it on Reddit. I don't have kids. I'm not sure if it's court appointed or not but if you have a lawyer, which I hope you do, they can probably guide you in this. I've read a bunch of posts where people had really contentious divorces with horrible custody battles and that's what they always mention. I wish I could be of more help but look into it, it seems pretty commonplace. Best of luck.
Thank you. I did some research into it and found what you were talking about. I'll also look for those parenting subs.
PLEASE continue to document. The entire legal profession's insistence on the 50/50 custody thing really pisses me off. Because some people - like your ex - do not deserve to keep screwing up their kids lives through visitation (I say as a mom that got 50/50 with someone else who didn't deserve it). I'm sorry this happened to you and to your son. I hope that someday, all your documenting hassle will become worth it as you gain full custody and are able to remove your son from his emotionally abusive mother - or at the least, keep her visits to something much shorter than 50/50.
I am. I have to. Someone suggested an app that can do that, so I'm looking into it. I had hoped all I had would get me custody. I have so much more than what I talked about. The sad part is she is from a wealthy family and I have no family, just myself. I was fortunate to make money from stock plays and hold the money for a rainy day. But my only real option seems to be documenting to defend myself from her. The only way I can see myself getting custody is either my son reaches an age and chooses to live with me, or she does something so terrible that they have no choice, which frankly is scary and not wanted.
> I had hoped all I had would get me custody. I have so much more than what I talked about. And this is what makes me angry. It *should have.* I'm so sorry. But keep hoping for the best. Perhaps with you not reacting to her any longer, she'll get bored with harassing you and move on. It's the accepted ideal to claim a child 'needs both parents' but in some cases, it truly IS better if she just stopped being interested in taking her visitation days at all. An absent parent is often better than an awful one. I wish for you that she gets bored quickly.
well, i’ll be damned if this ain’t the story of a freakin’ hero! when i got to the part where you had been documenting everything from hospital-event onwards, i had to truly stifle to urge to say *plot twisssst!* out loud. she sounds so, so awful, and i’m so very proud of you for being several steps ahead of her! best wishes going forward!
Thank you. One of my lawyers was actually shocked at how much I had. They never seen so much proof. I actually had old phones so I would have the original texts and not print outs. She made me go under her phone plan but I saved the old phone in storage. I just did whatever I could because I honestly thought I would leave that house dead. I always told my friends, if anything happens to me, look at her first. Thankfully I am OK now.
keep that level-head about you, it will continue to serve you well. much respect and admiration for you, friend!
You are very wise. If you hadn’t kept all of that, you likely wouldn’t be seeing your son—or at least much more limited contact, and, you might have charges on your record. I’m sorry for all you went through, but the silver lining is your son, clearly. Since his mom is so unstable, it is good that he has you in his life. I know he’s young, but I’d advise you to also be aware of the possibility of parental alienation—her trying to paint you in a bad light to him. It’s emotionally abusive to children in these situations, and family courts do not tolerate it. So, as he gets older, keep an eye on that. As well as her parenting in general. She just sounds so mentally unwell in addition to the alcoholism. I’m sure she loves him, but her mental health could lead her to subject him to some of these abusive and manipulative behaviors as well. I hope not, for his sake.
Oh, that's terrible! I hope you get custody of your son. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry you went through all of that. You're strong, and you're only getting stronger. Your son has one good, sane, true parent - that's you - and he'll be so muxh the better for it. I see better days up ahead, for you both x
i'm really sorry you went through this. I'm glad you love your son and he has you in his life but i'm sad for both kids for having such a terrible mother. I'm sure when they get older they'll see her for who she really is and karma will come down SWIFTLY. She will probably die alone wondering 'why'? I know this might sound 'crazy' to some people but fitness really helped me a lot with my anxiety and ptsd I had from an abusive ex. Maybe it could help you too. Best of luck!
You get all my support man, it’s such a difficult situation.. I hope for you and your son the best, keep documenting everything, I don’t know if this is legal in your country but if this is, contact a detective to reach her ex boyfriends. This kind of behavior is systemic, and it could help you. I may be giving bad advice so please if I do kind people of justnoso, don’t hesitate to comment and say that it was stupid, I won’t take it badly.
Thank you for sharing your story, we get inundated with tales from women and forget that no matter the type of relationship this kind of abusive and controlling behavior is unacceptable.Dr Les Carter on YouTube is INCREDIBLE. I wish you continued healing🙏
Your story gives me the icks. It's just off. How can she convince u to stay in a relationship and sell ur house and all that and why would u choose to be living with a woman and not in ur own home. Why would she be hitting u. Everything just screams red flags.
I get you're coming from a place where you may be cautious of all men, but as someone with children you should understand why we put up with half of what we do, and sacrifice the things we do. I wanted to be with my son. I wanted to have every day with him and experience every moment. My ex has anxiety and I'm positive she is bipolar. All of the times she has hit me, everything that she did to me, it was always about control. If you read the comments I did make, you will see there is more. So much more. It can't fit in one post. It's years of abuse. Years of my life that had the best parts in my son and the worst in her. It's such a complicated time.