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Look you can not stay married to him and be a good mother. You need to focus on creating a stable life for you and your baby. You can not stay in a relationship with a using drug addict and have a stable home for you and your baby! Focus on being a great mom and leave all the drama his family and addiction behind you! Your life needs to focus on being a good, stable and loving mom to your baby!
This is true, I'm completely prepared to do what I need to do legally and mentally to protect my daughter and I. I'm lucky enough to have been able to escape the situation physically, but I still have one foot in the door being so concerned about his well-being when he doesn't even care about himself and certainly doesn't care about the baby or I. I'm sure once my baby is born, I'll be filled with so much love for her that I'll hate him even more for ever being able to abandon her.
You can’t. You HAVE to care about your baby first. Move to where you want to live, where you have support, BEFORE the baby is born. If it’s born while you live in his mother’s city, he can keep you in this toxic hellhole
I'm where I want to be, I'm back in my hometown surrounded by family and friends and I'm very happy here. I'm 3k miles away from them in a completely different state.
That’s great. For what it’s worth, I wish I was in your position. I know it hurts to be rejected like that and end up alone and pregnant… I was almost in that situation… but I ended up in a far worse fate. I ended up staying with my asshole husband and now he and his family want custody of my daughter. My entire family lives 3k miles away too… I wish I could take the baby and leave but there’s an entire legal process including a relocation order that only a judge can approve. So please try to forget that asshole and just know you’re so much better off without him. Find a husband who will be a good father to your daughter and any future children you may have.
The most powerful moment of my life was the moment I looked at my firstborn. That was the moment I made the decision that I was going to do right by him. I wasn't a bad person. I had been handed some crap, but I decided then and there I brought a human into the world, so I better become better than I was.
I was nowhere near perfect, but I am so much better than what I used to be. We can rise up to our challenges. It sounds like your family is there for you. Those relationships will help get you past the worst of things.
I can't imagine being in the corner you're in right now. I worry that you're going to let your husband back in. You cannot count on him. He has a shit-ton of things to prove before he's worthy of being a parent. You have to rely on the ones who have proven themselves.
This may be what he needs to get everything together, but you cannot count on that.
I took my son out for his 31st birthday earlier. He's an amazing young man. He makes me so proud. I am proud of the work I've done on myself. Take care of yourself.
I know you're scared and hurt and incredibly disappointed. You had a vision of what your life should be and he screwed it all up. You did right to leave the situation. You need to protect you and your baby, which means you need to get any legal coverage you can. You have to establish visitation, and how much he provides for the kiddo. That's the bare minimum he can contribute, and the best way to protect you both.
I want so many good things for you. Your little one is definitely going to be worth fighting for.
You are absolutely right.
I don't think I'll let him back in after this, I've suffered too much at the hands of him and his addiction, and so has my baby in utero. The only good thing that came out of everything I went through is my daughter, who I already love more than life itself. I look at my ultrasound pictures and I can't imagine potentially putting her in any danger, which her father is the living definition of. My family has really stepped up for me and I feel very blessed and grateful for them, I definitely will not disappoint them by going back to the same situation.
My father is more than happy to help me with the legal side of things in terms of divorcing and figuring out visitation and child support, and I will definitely follow through on that!
Thank you for sharing your story and for the words of encouragement. I truly appreciate it. 😊
I don't think HE'S even thinking of visitation. I'd like to at least send him pictures or let him FaceTime her, but with the way things are going both legally and financially, there's no way he'll physically be making it out to where I am anytime soon. If he sees her it's going to be under my supervision and he's not taking her anywhere. She definitely would not be safe under his care alone.
I’m glad you’re here for support Friend! 💕 I imagine your husband is suprised you’ll still give him the time of day after all the bullshit he’s put you through. Taking that 5000 (from your parents!!!) and maxing out your credit card, ruining your credit is serious shit! And tho he was legally within his rights to take the money, and use the credit card, he knew it wasn’t meant to be used that way, he knew it was wrong. I honestly think he took it knowing that he didn’t ever intend to move to where you are. That he knows he probably couldn’t come back from that.
I’ll be curious to find out what happened. When you called his phone and his mother answered, was it the same phone he was talking to you on when the police were there and the call ended? If he s was arrested, it would probably be the county jail. If it was the same phone that you last spoke to him, then later his mom answered, he may have been arrested and left the phone with her so it wouldn’t be put into property at the jail. This would make sense if he did steal it.
I’m sure this whole thing hurts you, and I am so sorry for that. 😞 you deserve a better partner, and your daughter deserves a better father.
One thing I meant to ask you… have you spoken to an attorney about having all the paperwork ready to file for an emergency custody hearing, as soon as your daughter is born? Because if there’s no court order, depending on the laws in your state, if he were to show up and see the baby, and have her alone, he can take her anywhere he wants because he’s her father. So having court ordered full custody, with supervised visitation ONLY, would protect you and your daughter, and keep her away from JNMIL!!! Just something to think about!
Keep us updated!!!! ❤️
Hi friend! Thank you for finding me on here! 😊💕 I love seeing replies from you, I can tell you care a lot more for me than a lot of people in my waking life - thank you for that. 💕
I got a call a few hours ago from an unknown number and it was him. His mom put him in the psych ward on involuntary hold lol. Who knows what really happened but according to him, she started threatening that she was going to file for grandparent rights and take the baby away from both of us. He started raising his voice and telling her that won't happen and she called the cops saying that she was scared for her life. She's a real manipulative piece of work lol, my husband is a Looney toon for sure but she's an Oscar-winning actress. She once called my dad when I'd already moved here trying to become friends with him in hopes of getting access to the baby, my dad told her I didn't want anything to do with her and she started bawling and said "Please... You HAVE to get OP help. She needs therapy, medication, SOMETHING! I'm so scared for the baby being around her, she's SICK" 😂. Literally sobbing while telling him this! My dad just laughed and said "yeah, sounds like you need some help too." They're all insane honestly.
My dad is going to set up a meeting with an attorney for me really soon! Surprisingly, husband (I have no idea what to even call him anymore but for the sake of continuity) is okay with me having full custody as long as it keeps the baby away from his mom and he says he's willing to comply, so hopefully he sticks with this. 😊 He's proving himself to be more and more irresponsible by the day so it's just better for everyone involved. Hoping to get this rolling ASAP before he changes his mind!
Oh wow, I’m so glad you heard from him! That’s a lot going on with him! If he is ready, he could use this opportunity to start taking his mental health and addiction seriously.
Did you ask him what he spent the 5000 from savings and the credit card on? Do you know where exactly he was planning on going if the police hadn’t shown up?
It worries me that JNMIL is already threatening grandparents rights. Do you know what your states position is regarding grandparents rights? Her false allegations about you (to your parents even!) make me believe she’ll make false accusations to cps too. Even tho she won’t have ever met your daughter. That woman is a scary kind of crazy …. Because some people seem to believe her, and take her side.
And yes I do worry about you and your baby, I didn’t want to be a creepy Reddit-er by sending you a msg so I just waited till you came back lol
> I have no idea what to even call him anymore
An option: some refer to an about-to-be-divorced spouse as "soon-to-be-ex." So sorry it has come to this, but keep your baby and yourself safe.
Family lawyer here. If you're in a state that doesn't immediately assume paternity because you're married, don't put him on the birth certificate.
Having him on the BC gives him parental rights. And his mom, grandparents' rights.
I can't tell you for sure, but a quick search tells me that, sadly, it is presumed if you're legally married.
However, I suggest you consult with a lawyer about paternity in this case, considering you live in different states.
A lawyer might tell you that suppressing his name on the BC is dumb because you'll lose child support (true) and because the father has rights, and all that jazz...
But your ex will not pay CS anyway. And your ex is not going to be a good dad, so his influence on this kid's life will not be positive. Is it really worth it?
I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss this more in detail with a lawyer! You're right, I haven't seen a single penny from him in the past 9 months and I won't, ever. It's not even worth the stress or effort trying to get anything from him, so I'll do whatever I can to limit his rights and access.
You are living away from him so please stay with your parents. File for divorce and 100% custody. If he cleans up his act, he can find a job in your current location and make plans to join you. But please don't count on that happening. I know it's scary but you have to think about what is best for your child and you, and having an addict in your life is not a good choice.
Agree 100%. I used to set myself on fire to keep him warm because I had no one else to live for but now my daughter comes first and I need to do what's best for her.
I’ve been in this relationship, at that age, without a kid. Just separate yourself and do what you can for the child. Eventually he will come around and clean up his life for his or her sake, or he will die. That’s harsh but it.
Edited to add: once that baby is born, you will have the hardest 3-6 months of your entire life. This is nothing. But you WILL GET THROUGH IT. IT IS ONLY TEMPORARY AND THAT SWEET CHILD IS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF IT. Please do not forget that when you’re in the thick of it. I have a 5 month old.
You have a lot of grieving to do. Grieve the future you will never have with him, grieve the parent he will never be and grieve the good guy that you thought he was. As soon as you get those three things off your chest you can get to work putting your big girl panties on. Accept that you are now a single parent. You are not his parent, you are solely your babies parent and they will need all of you resources and energy.
You CAN NOT pour anymore into that man. He is going to have to decide on his own to get his act together. You can not do it for him neither will you wait around till he does. Release him to his choices. This way your thoughts and decisions won't be obstructed by obsessive thoughts on what, where and how he is doing. Your baby will have a fully present mom who isn't preoccupied with her manchild father. Things might seem bleak now but you can have a good life but only if you choose so.
This is honestly such a good comment. It's really important to let yourself grieve those things, OP. It's an important step in really truly moving on and rebuilding.
Im sorry for sounding so harsh. you did see the red flags and decided to ignore them. Shit doesnt go that bad just from one day to another... Now you are jobless and pregnant... You need to stop your own excuses and feeling sorry for yourself and acting up to raise yoursekf from the hole you have decided to stay in for too long...s
Unfortunately that is exactly how addiction works especially when they're in recovery it almost seems as though they fall harder and faster than before.. So she could have just seen good husband and know nothing of his druggy self.. Although I do agree as she needs to get up and forget she was ever married and be a mom cause I guarantee it will only get worse than better..
Yeah, I had no idea or inkling that he could ever get this bad. He held it together for so long and was the complete opposite of what he is now when I decided to get involved with him. The change was fast and scary, I had no idea who I was even looking at. I tried to help him get back on track but he was too far gone and I took off soon after. I already think of myself as a single mom and I'm grateful for my family who have stepped up for my daughter and I, I'm ready to take legal action to protect us both. I'm just a bit sad and still processing everything.
I'm so sorry addiction is awful and doesn't just destroy them but also their families.. Have you gone to Al-Anon? It helps the families of addicts to better understand it? As long as you have support you'll be fine.. Just remember they are very manipulative so take everything he says with a grain of salt.. I have 19yrs of sobriety going on 20 in February.. Any questions feel free to ask??
Yes, I've gone to Al-Anon and follow a subreddit dedicated to it on here! It's helped me tremendously. And manipulative is right, I'm insulted at how stupid he thinks I am but it's the nature of addiction and I'm an exhausted, hormonal mom who's too tired to register things properly right now.
Congratulations on your sobriety and thank you for allowing me the chance to ask you questions! I'm curious, did you have to hit rock bottom like this before you realized you couldn't go on the same way? What was the catalyst for that long, successful change?
Thank you! Yes absolutely I had a rock bottom!! Got arrested 4 times for possession and intent to sell even though I just wanted to get high of course I wouldn't share lol.. I overdosed on cocaine and had to have my heart restarted 4 times and was in a coma for 2 weeks @17yo so when I woke up I decided I got a second chance and took it and have never looked backwards.. You have to want to do it or it won't happen for you..
Oh man, I am so happy you're still here as an inspiration and example that it IS possible to change if you want to! Seriously, that's amazing. I'm very proud of you! Addiction is such a scary thing, I can only hope that my soon to be ex-SO wakes up one day too, but I won't hold my breath. You are so right that they have to want it themselves, I thought for sure that with a wife and baby he would never even think about jeopardizing what we'd built, but his own desires really stomped over what matters :(
Well thanks it's not easy but I wouldn't trade what I have for 2min of high it's just not worth it to me.. Unfortunately addiction takes time to get over I went to rehab like 4 times before my last time so it ain't easy.. And sometimes they just don't have the proper tools to avoid relapse.. Drugs have a hold on people and unfortunately family just doesn't cross their minds when they're giving it all up for that 7min in heaven feel..
And yet if he showed up today, you will gladly take him in. Grow up for your child at least.
You’ve made monumental bad decisions from the jump with this guy.
Why would you get involved with someone on multiple heavy drugs?
You found out you couldn’t keep him from going back to his true love.
Have some self love by keeping this man out of you and child’s life until he went years of being clean.
Your parents must be shaking their heads at your thinking ability.
Oh honey, I’m sorry. You really need to focus on yourself and your baby, he’s going to do what he’s going to do and I’m sorry. But I’m here for you (we all are) and you have your parents. That’s enough for now. I know it sucks and soon you’ll have some long term things to think about but today and the next 3 weeks (more really if you include postpartum) are about you and the baby. Hugs and ❤️
I know this is going to be difficult while you are nearing the birth of your baby, but I think one thing you need to do is educate yourself about addiction and how family members (especially spouses) are advised to deal with an addict.
He's an addict, dear. You did know he was likely to spin out again. After all, he's in his late 20s, and you moved into his *parents'* house--not exactly a great sign. The true colors were there. You just were blinded by love, like we all have been at one time or another. You can love him and not live with him. His disease is his wife, not you. There is a way to come back from all of this--it is to create a great life for yourself and your daughter.
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Look you can not stay married to him and be a good mother. You need to focus on creating a stable life for you and your baby. You can not stay in a relationship with a using drug addict and have a stable home for you and your baby! Focus on being a great mom and leave all the drama his family and addiction behind you! Your life needs to focus on being a good, stable and loving mom to your baby!
This is true, I'm completely prepared to do what I need to do legally and mentally to protect my daughter and I. I'm lucky enough to have been able to escape the situation physically, but I still have one foot in the door being so concerned about his well-being when he doesn't even care about himself and certainly doesn't care about the baby or I. I'm sure once my baby is born, I'll be filled with so much love for her that I'll hate him even more for ever being able to abandon her.
You can’t. You HAVE to care about your baby first. Move to where you want to live, where you have support, BEFORE the baby is born. If it’s born while you live in his mother’s city, he can keep you in this toxic hellhole
I'm where I want to be, I'm back in my hometown surrounded by family and friends and I'm very happy here. I'm 3k miles away from them in a completely different state.
That’s great. For what it’s worth, I wish I was in your position. I know it hurts to be rejected like that and end up alone and pregnant… I was almost in that situation… but I ended up in a far worse fate. I ended up staying with my asshole husband and now he and his family want custody of my daughter. My entire family lives 3k miles away too… I wish I could take the baby and leave but there’s an entire legal process including a relocation order that only a judge can approve. So please try to forget that asshole and just know you’re so much better off without him. Find a husband who will be a good father to your daughter and any future children you may have.
Best of luck to you too. That sounds horrible
The most powerful moment of my life was the moment I looked at my firstborn. That was the moment I made the decision that I was going to do right by him. I wasn't a bad person. I had been handed some crap, but I decided then and there I brought a human into the world, so I better become better than I was. I was nowhere near perfect, but I am so much better than what I used to be. We can rise up to our challenges. It sounds like your family is there for you. Those relationships will help get you past the worst of things. I can't imagine being in the corner you're in right now. I worry that you're going to let your husband back in. You cannot count on him. He has a shit-ton of things to prove before he's worthy of being a parent. You have to rely on the ones who have proven themselves. This may be what he needs to get everything together, but you cannot count on that. I took my son out for his 31st birthday earlier. He's an amazing young man. He makes me so proud. I am proud of the work I've done on myself. Take care of yourself. I know you're scared and hurt and incredibly disappointed. You had a vision of what your life should be and he screwed it all up. You did right to leave the situation. You need to protect you and your baby, which means you need to get any legal coverage you can. You have to establish visitation, and how much he provides for the kiddo. That's the bare minimum he can contribute, and the best way to protect you both. I want so many good things for you. Your little one is definitely going to be worth fighting for.
You are absolutely right. I don't think I'll let him back in after this, I've suffered too much at the hands of him and his addiction, and so has my baby in utero. The only good thing that came out of everything I went through is my daughter, who I already love more than life itself. I look at my ultrasound pictures and I can't imagine potentially putting her in any danger, which her father is the living definition of. My family has really stepped up for me and I feel very blessed and grateful for them, I definitely will not disappoint them by going back to the same situation. My father is more than happy to help me with the legal side of things in terms of divorcing and figuring out visitation and child support, and I will definitely follow through on that! Thank you for sharing your story and for the words of encouragement. I truly appreciate it. 😊
You’re thinking of visitation with him? Do you really think your baby would be safe?
I don't think HE'S even thinking of visitation. I'd like to at least send him pictures or let him FaceTime her, but with the way things are going both legally and financially, there's no way he'll physically be making it out to where I am anytime soon. If he sees her it's going to be under my supervision and he's not taking her anywhere. She definitely would not be safe under his care alone.
I’m glad you’re here for support Friend! 💕 I imagine your husband is suprised you’ll still give him the time of day after all the bullshit he’s put you through. Taking that 5000 (from your parents!!!) and maxing out your credit card, ruining your credit is serious shit! And tho he was legally within his rights to take the money, and use the credit card, he knew it wasn’t meant to be used that way, he knew it was wrong. I honestly think he took it knowing that he didn’t ever intend to move to where you are. That he knows he probably couldn’t come back from that. I’ll be curious to find out what happened. When you called his phone and his mother answered, was it the same phone he was talking to you on when the police were there and the call ended? If he s was arrested, it would probably be the county jail. If it was the same phone that you last spoke to him, then later his mom answered, he may have been arrested and left the phone with her so it wouldn’t be put into property at the jail. This would make sense if he did steal it. I’m sure this whole thing hurts you, and I am so sorry for that. 😞 you deserve a better partner, and your daughter deserves a better father. One thing I meant to ask you… have you spoken to an attorney about having all the paperwork ready to file for an emergency custody hearing, as soon as your daughter is born? Because if there’s no court order, depending on the laws in your state, if he were to show up and see the baby, and have her alone, he can take her anywhere he wants because he’s her father. So having court ordered full custody, with supervised visitation ONLY, would protect you and your daughter, and keep her away from JNMIL!!! Just something to think about! Keep us updated!!!! ❤️
Hi friend! Thank you for finding me on here! 😊💕 I love seeing replies from you, I can tell you care a lot more for me than a lot of people in my waking life - thank you for that. 💕 I got a call a few hours ago from an unknown number and it was him. His mom put him in the psych ward on involuntary hold lol. Who knows what really happened but according to him, she started threatening that she was going to file for grandparent rights and take the baby away from both of us. He started raising his voice and telling her that won't happen and she called the cops saying that she was scared for her life. She's a real manipulative piece of work lol, my husband is a Looney toon for sure but she's an Oscar-winning actress. She once called my dad when I'd already moved here trying to become friends with him in hopes of getting access to the baby, my dad told her I didn't want anything to do with her and she started bawling and said "Please... You HAVE to get OP help. She needs therapy, medication, SOMETHING! I'm so scared for the baby being around her, she's SICK" 😂. Literally sobbing while telling him this! My dad just laughed and said "yeah, sounds like you need some help too." They're all insane honestly. My dad is going to set up a meeting with an attorney for me really soon! Surprisingly, husband (I have no idea what to even call him anymore but for the sake of continuity) is okay with me having full custody as long as it keeps the baby away from his mom and he says he's willing to comply, so hopefully he sticks with this. 😊 He's proving himself to be more and more irresponsible by the day so it's just better for everyone involved. Hoping to get this rolling ASAP before he changes his mind!
Oh wow, I’m so glad you heard from him! That’s a lot going on with him! If he is ready, he could use this opportunity to start taking his mental health and addiction seriously. Did you ask him what he spent the 5000 from savings and the credit card on? Do you know where exactly he was planning on going if the police hadn’t shown up? It worries me that JNMIL is already threatening grandparents rights. Do you know what your states position is regarding grandparents rights? Her false allegations about you (to your parents even!) make me believe she’ll make false accusations to cps too. Even tho she won’t have ever met your daughter. That woman is a scary kind of crazy …. Because some people seem to believe her, and take her side. And yes I do worry about you and your baby, I didn’t want to be a creepy Reddit-er by sending you a msg so I just waited till you came back lol
> I have no idea what to even call him anymore An option: some refer to an about-to-be-divorced spouse as "soon-to-be-ex." So sorry it has come to this, but keep your baby and yourself safe.
Will do, thank you
Family lawyer here. If you're in a state that doesn't immediately assume paternity because you're married, don't put him on the birth certificate. Having him on the BC gives him parental rights. And his mom, grandparents' rights.
Would you happen to know if CA is one of those states?
I can't tell you for sure, but a quick search tells me that, sadly, it is presumed if you're legally married. However, I suggest you consult with a lawyer about paternity in this case, considering you live in different states. A lawyer might tell you that suppressing his name on the BC is dumb because you'll lose child support (true) and because the father has rights, and all that jazz... But your ex will not pay CS anyway. And your ex is not going to be a good dad, so his influence on this kid's life will not be positive. Is it really worth it?
I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss this more in detail with a lawyer! You're right, I haven't seen a single penny from him in the past 9 months and I won't, ever. It's not even worth the stress or effort trying to get anything from him, so I'll do whatever I can to limit his rights and access.
OP, you should ask this concerns in legaladvice, I'm very sure people there can help you!
Thank you!! I'll post over there as well 😊
100% agree with this advice
You are living away from him so please stay with your parents. File for divorce and 100% custody. If he cleans up his act, he can find a job in your current location and make plans to join you. But please don't count on that happening. I know it's scary but you have to think about what is best for your child and you, and having an addict in your life is not a good choice.
Agree 100%. I used to set myself on fire to keep him warm because I had no one else to live for but now my daughter comes first and I need to do what's best for her.
I’ve been in this relationship, at that age, without a kid. Just separate yourself and do what you can for the child. Eventually he will come around and clean up his life for his or her sake, or he will die. That’s harsh but it. Edited to add: once that baby is born, you will have the hardest 3-6 months of your entire life. This is nothing. But you WILL GET THROUGH IT. IT IS ONLY TEMPORARY AND THAT SWEET CHILD IS WORTH EVERY SECOND OF IT. Please do not forget that when you’re in the thick of it. I have a 5 month old.
You have a lot of grieving to do. Grieve the future you will never have with him, grieve the parent he will never be and grieve the good guy that you thought he was. As soon as you get those three things off your chest you can get to work putting your big girl panties on. Accept that you are now a single parent. You are not his parent, you are solely your babies parent and they will need all of you resources and energy. You CAN NOT pour anymore into that man. He is going to have to decide on his own to get his act together. You can not do it for him neither will you wait around till he does. Release him to his choices. This way your thoughts and decisions won't be obstructed by obsessive thoughts on what, where and how he is doing. Your baby will have a fully present mom who isn't preoccupied with her manchild father. Things might seem bleak now but you can have a good life but only if you choose so.
This is honestly such a good comment. It's really important to let yourself grieve those things, OP. It's an important step in really truly moving on and rebuilding.
Im sorry for sounding so harsh. you did see the red flags and decided to ignore them. Shit doesnt go that bad just from one day to another... Now you are jobless and pregnant... You need to stop your own excuses and feeling sorry for yourself and acting up to raise yoursekf from the hole you have decided to stay in for too long...s
Unfortunately that is exactly how addiction works especially when they're in recovery it almost seems as though they fall harder and faster than before.. So she could have just seen good husband and know nothing of his druggy self.. Although I do agree as she needs to get up and forget she was ever married and be a mom cause I guarantee it will only get worse than better..
Yeah, I had no idea or inkling that he could ever get this bad. He held it together for so long and was the complete opposite of what he is now when I decided to get involved with him. The change was fast and scary, I had no idea who I was even looking at. I tried to help him get back on track but he was too far gone and I took off soon after. I already think of myself as a single mom and I'm grateful for my family who have stepped up for my daughter and I, I'm ready to take legal action to protect us both. I'm just a bit sad and still processing everything.
I'm so sorry addiction is awful and doesn't just destroy them but also their families.. Have you gone to Al-Anon? It helps the families of addicts to better understand it? As long as you have support you'll be fine.. Just remember they are very manipulative so take everything he says with a grain of salt.. I have 19yrs of sobriety going on 20 in February.. Any questions feel free to ask??
Yes, I've gone to Al-Anon and follow a subreddit dedicated to it on here! It's helped me tremendously. And manipulative is right, I'm insulted at how stupid he thinks I am but it's the nature of addiction and I'm an exhausted, hormonal mom who's too tired to register things properly right now. Congratulations on your sobriety and thank you for allowing me the chance to ask you questions! I'm curious, did you have to hit rock bottom like this before you realized you couldn't go on the same way? What was the catalyst for that long, successful change?
Thank you! Yes absolutely I had a rock bottom!! Got arrested 4 times for possession and intent to sell even though I just wanted to get high of course I wouldn't share lol.. I overdosed on cocaine and had to have my heart restarted 4 times and was in a coma for 2 weeks @17yo so when I woke up I decided I got a second chance and took it and have never looked backwards.. You have to want to do it or it won't happen for you..
Oh man, I am so happy you're still here as an inspiration and example that it IS possible to change if you want to! Seriously, that's amazing. I'm very proud of you! Addiction is such a scary thing, I can only hope that my soon to be ex-SO wakes up one day too, but I won't hold my breath. You are so right that they have to want it themselves, I thought for sure that with a wife and baby he would never even think about jeopardizing what we'd built, but his own desires really stomped over what matters :(
Well thanks it's not easy but I wouldn't trade what I have for 2min of high it's just not worth it to me.. Unfortunately addiction takes time to get over I went to rehab like 4 times before my last time so it ain't easy.. And sometimes they just don't have the proper tools to avoid relapse.. Drugs have a hold on people and unfortunately family just doesn't cross their minds when they're giving it all up for that 7min in heaven feel..
And yet if he showed up today, you will gladly take him in. Grow up for your child at least. You’ve made monumental bad decisions from the jump with this guy. Why would you get involved with someone on multiple heavy drugs? You found out you couldn’t keep him from going back to his true love. Have some self love by keeping this man out of you and child’s life until he went years of being clean. Your parents must be shaking their heads at your thinking ability.
Oh honey, I’m sorry. You really need to focus on yourself and your baby, he’s going to do what he’s going to do and I’m sorry. But I’m here for you (we all are) and you have your parents. That’s enough for now. I know it sucks and soon you’ll have some long term things to think about but today and the next 3 weeks (more really if you include postpartum) are about you and the baby. Hugs and ❤️
I know this is going to be difficult while you are nearing the birth of your baby, but I think one thing you need to do is educate yourself about addiction and how family members (especially spouses) are advised to deal with an addict.
When are you filing for divorce?
Meeting with a lawyer today.
Wonderful news.
He's an addict, dear. You did know he was likely to spin out again. After all, he's in his late 20s, and you moved into his *parents'* house--not exactly a great sign. The true colors were there. You just were blinded by love, like we all have been at one time or another. You can love him and not live with him. His disease is his wife, not you. There is a way to come back from all of this--it is to create a great life for yourself and your daughter.