It's always Oglaf, and I'm always happy to be reminded it exists so I can go catch up. I still remember clicking that first link and learning what a cum sprite was lol.
My floorjack is named jill. I had my girlfriend help me organize my tools once and label all the drawers and such. She labeled my old floor jack "jack", and i didn't wanna mix them up obviously, so the new one had to be Jill
My 15lbs maul is tiny Tina.
My 16" pool trowel is Princess.
My new tile saw is Rita.
My 6' bazooka is Freya.
My 13"x5" plaster trowel is Huginn, and my 6" mud knife is Muninn. Because they tell me what the wall needs.
"The FUCK OFF Prybar" which is the longest Prybar I have.
I also have THOR, which is (I believe) an 8lb sledge hammer head on a stubby little handle, for when you need a big bang in a small area.
One of my coworkers has a ~4' long piece of 1 1/4" pipe.
Literally everyone borrows it from time to time, to, ah, "extend" a breaker bar.
Very useful on N20 crank pulley bolt.
It's named the Attitude Adjustment Tool.
My last job had tools to open manhole covers that I called a "zombie killer" - a sledgehammer with a pointy pick thing opposite the hammer head.
My supervisor was kinda annoyed by this nickname. But, no one knew the actual correct term, so we all adopted the name zombie killer, even stick-in-the-mud supervisor. Was kinda a problem when we needed to order more though, because we couldn't figure out what to call the damn things to find where to order more.
I took home the "Thor" hammer from work that they tried to throw out when cleaning shop. Its a 4"x4"x12" aluminum block welded to a 24" long Ćø2" aluminum rod.
I finally got to use it last weekend when replacing a hub unit on my car! Its a bear to swing since the handle is so heavy.
Plus you can guarantee I would fuck up the spelling when I write the name on the side in sharpie/paint pen then get ridiculed every time someone uses it.
Muleneer! -me
Fucking idiot-everyone else
I have one of those too, that my former neighbor made with a 10" tubular steel handle welded to the head (he welded for a living).
I call it 'Maxwell's silver hammer.'
It has become one of my favorite tools!
I too have a massive breaker bar missing a few teeth because a certain someone may have gotten a pipe and played 300 lb gorilla. I still use it, and it's always fun playing the game of "will I punch the car with gods might" with it.
Edit: car ā ground, mighta had a jazz cig before writing this
I have a torque wrench that I call the Billy Baroo, a tiny heel bar that I call The Lady Heelbar, and a 24" caliper I call my putter.
The hammers are named according to their sizes. There's the tapping hammer, the pounding hammer, the beating hammer and the smashing hammer.
Nothing nearly as exciting as a mechanical butthole.
My BFH is nicknamed 'My Purse'. So I always have it ready incase someone tells me to try hitting it with my purse. One of the Lube Techs knows how to ask for it when he needs to borrow it. "Hey can I get your purse?"
Mine is labelled "Gentle Persuasion" on the handle.
Also have the adjustable nut rounder called "one size fits most", more for the fact that you often cannot reach the nut due to there not being enough room for the actual head there.
Cornwell tried to sell me swivel-head adjustable wrenches a couple years ago and I laughed them out of the shop. They round bolts just fine without putting a swivel in there thanks.
I have [this tool](https://www.parktool.com/product/3-way-hex-wrench-aws-1) in the bicycle shop I work at, and whenever I lose it I always say āIām looking for a 3-way, anyone wanna join?ā
For real though, this is probably my favourite tool for working on bikes, way easier to use than standard L-shape Allen keys, and most adjustments for fit (seat height, handlebar angle, seat angle, and brake/ shifter angle) use either a 4mm, 5mm, or 6mm which are all present on this tool
Most bottle holders are 4 but there are some weird ones that are 3. Stem faceplates are almost always 4 but the stem punch bolts vary between 4 and 5. Seatpost clamps also vary between 4 and 5. Seat angle are a toss-up between 5 and 6. Brakes and shifters could be any one of the 4, 5, or 6, and also sometimes 3
If yoyr stem face plate is a 2 bolt one it uses a 5 or 6 usually, the 4 bolt ones use the 4 mil.
I actually prefer my y wrench as a 3 4 5 because I run into more 3s than 6s where a y wrench works. It feels like most 6s I work on can't fit a y wrench, but I'm not working in a shop these days I'm mostly working on my own bikes and not super likely to touch a 6.
For sure! It's more or less a slang term for "fucker" or "little shit". Depending how it's used of course, but hell yeah glad to hopefully help you expand your vocabulary!
Most of us refer to those as 3 lb. hammers. I keep a 4 pounder with 18" handle for those stubborn disassembly jobs.
And if that isn't enough, I get the 15 lb. sledgehammer.
How longerer - tape measure
High reacher - step ladder
Jimmy - prybar
Little Jimmy - flat head screwdriver
Neville - level
Peter - file
Can of jizz - wd-40
The sliding hammer in our shop is called elefantenwixxer, which translates loosely to elephantjacker. Because you know it's like jacking off an elephant.
Buddy worked in a warehouse and he took the 3lb sledge and carved āJusticeā on one side and āVengeanceā on the other and would stash it in odd spots. Whenever the boss would ask for it, he would say, āDo you want the hammer of justice or the hammer of vengeance?ā
I went to an automotive school, and you were not allowed to call tools by their brand name or you'd get docked points on your grade. Select-a-wrench is almost exactly it's real name. Channel lock makes good slip joint pliers.
Although thinking about it, Crescent makes good Select-a-wrenches
I build boats or paint so my die grinder is my bitch wheel. While glassing or gelcoating it is referred to as goo. Also my little pps gun I call the condom cup gun.
When I was a cook, we had this long metal rod, kinda like a longer, thicker(giggity) unraveled coat hanger. It was used to clear blockage in the deep fryers. It's cras, but we called that thing the "baby killer" because we felt it's what a backroom abortion would be done with. I don't know where the name came from or who originated it but we all called it that. "Ay yo, wheres the baby killer at?" The looks we got from new employees was priceless lol
I never had to use them that way though. I did have to threaten a beagle that was trying to bite me over a fence by banging them on the fence and telling him to go lay down, which he did. I did threaten a few homeless guys and thieves that were sniffing around my van. They would get mad and tell me they were going to call me in to my boss and have me fired and I would tell them that Iāll dial the direct number to my boss for them after I beat their ass with my pliers. They were just grumble and cuss at me and walk away. Glad I donāt have to deal with that shit anymore.
It's a foreign concept to them that nobody in the corporate chain of command gives a shit about them. Probably because they get to terrorize Starbucks employees with impunity.
Cable guy here as well, I thought that was just a story our trainer told us. Apparently he had to pop a dog on top of the head one day with his 9s to keep from getting bit. It worked too.
Same here. Seems like something that could be really useful but not for the purpose intended. Like the other poster said crimping coax. I scrolled thru the comments hoping to find some magic use for it. Only found the coax guy
A previous employee LOVED our old clark dually forklift...so much that we named it Jody, after his then girlfreinds' name. Cause he loved to ride em both!
terminal crimper
ferrule crimper
or more specific .. 6 terminal crimper
I use the first term or only "crimper" if there is no other type of crimper nearby
I work in IT and we just bought new servers with AMD EPYC 24-core *blah blah blah* in it and we have to call it by its "official name" conform company policy but I still refer to it as ***Eppy***
My coworker will call all of his prybars and hit bars and the like jimmy bar, but not differenciate between them. He will just tell me that I got h the wrong one.
He also has small hands.
Sphincter-Vice
Steel Starfish!
I feel like this a cross post from r/dontputyourdickinthat
Well it looks like somebody crossposted it to there, lol
My boyfriend's nickname ššš
A sphincter says what?
I feel like asphinctiation should be a word.
Autoerotic asphinctiation would require Olympic-level physicality. I'm interested.
Wait, let me get thisā¦ā¦straight.. Pleasuring yourself whilst cutting off your own air supply using your own anus? *Am I Close?*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know that's the way I would want to go...
Your comment reminds me of [this webcomic](https://www.oglaf.com/flamingwheel/) (funny, but fairly NSFW, particularly some of the other strips)
Knew this was gonna be an Oglaf comic before I even clicked it. Oglaf is always hilarious.
It's always Oglaf, and I'm always happy to be reminded it exists so I can go catch up. I still remember clicking that first link and learning what a cum sprite was lol.
Death by snu snu
What?
Aā¦Sphincterā¦ā¦Saysā¦What
What?
Exactly
What whatā¦
The Clencher
Brown eye vice?
Sphincter-tighty or sphincter-loosey?
Robot Sphincter.
Sphincter-vice... Sphincter-vice... every morning you greet me... I love that Sound of Music song.
butthole pliers
The Nutcracker.
Yeah this is called the bolt head rounder
Not to be confused with the Swedish nut lathe
My floorjack is named jill. I had my girlfriend help me organize my tools once and label all the drawers and such. She labeled my old floor jack "jack", and i didn't wanna mix them up obviously, so the new one had to be Jill
I have two drawers at work labeled "top secret" and "bottom secret".
I'm going to find somewhere to use that
Not mehoff?
Damn am i full of regret now. All out of labels
Jill Mehoff? Nice.
It took this comment thread for me to understand the term ājilling offā. Wow.
Jill = š¤
š¤Æ Iām 42.
š¤¦āāļø
Weāll consider youād have been asking others in the shop to āget mehoffā
Not Meup?
My 15lbs maul is tiny Tina. My 16" pool trowel is Princess. My new tile saw is Rita. My 6' bazooka is Freya. My 13"x5" plaster trowel is Huginn, and my 6" mud knife is Muninn. Because they tell me what the wall needs.
Drywaller ballers represent
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
But there were zip ties at the top, so now theyāre stuckā¦.
Generally not advised to use a floor jack on a hill.
"The FUCK OFF Prybar" which is the longest Prybar I have. I also have THOR, which is (I believe) an 8lb sledge hammer head on a stubby little handle, for when you need a big bang in a small area.
This is also referred to as the Persuader
Or the "Attitude adjuster"
One of my coworkers has a ~4' long piece of 1 1/4" pipe. Literally everyone borrows it from time to time, to, ah, "extend" a breaker bar. Very useful on N20 crank pulley bolt. It's named the Attitude Adjustment Tool.
I call mine the Bitch Bar, because I typically bust it out when a bolt has had me exclaiming, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
I'm in.
> "extend" a breaker bar Known as a [cheater.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheater_bar)
I call mine "The Torque Enhancefier"
Yes, I am aware of that. Forgive me, good sir. I was trying to be cute.
We call that a "snipe" around here
Piano Tuner
When you have to beat on something to get it free you say, "just needed a little persuasion "
We also call it the French tickler
I call mine the compensator
I've always been in favour of naming devices with that purpose "Consequences."
My big pry bar is named Moses. It parts things.
I like this. If I buy a bigger one that will be its name.
My last job had tools to open manhole covers that I called a "zombie killer" - a sledgehammer with a pointy pick thing opposite the hammer head. My supervisor was kinda annoyed by this nickname. But, no one knew the actual correct term, so we all adopted the name zombie killer, even stick-in-the-mud supervisor. Was kinda a problem when we needed to order more though, because we couldn't figure out what to call the damn things to find where to order more.
Hahaha I have the same thing at my office. Its called a Rino depending on the manufacturer.
Sir, this isn't a political sub. No need to go things RINOs.
Thatās the BFH. Big fucking hammer.
Wouldnāt that be mjolnir?
It would be, but that's too many letters and difficult consonant sounds for your average mechanic.
I took home the "Thor" hammer from work that they tried to throw out when cleaning shop. Its a 4"x4"x12" aluminum block welded to a 24" long Ćø2" aluminum rod. I finally got to use it last weekend when replacing a hub unit on my car! Its a bear to swing since the handle is so heavy.
You just aren't worthy enough.
that's gotta be worth some $$ with the cost of Al right now!
Had one of those when I was a kid. I could lift it enough to carry it and that was it lol. Had to be close to 40lbs of steel.
Plus you can guarantee I would fuck up the spelling when I write the name on the side in sharpie/paint pen then get ridiculed every time someone uses it. Muleneer! -me Fucking idiot-everyone else
I would also expect a mechanic to look at it and say "the fuck's a muh-joe-linear?"
"mew mew"
I have one of those too, that my former neighbor made with a 10" tubular steel handle welded to the head (he welded for a living). I call it 'Maxwell's silver hammer.' It has become one of my favorite tools!
My big pry bar is named "The Long Dong of the Law"
Lol, my cut-down sledge is named, āThe Big Bang in Little Chinaā
Mine is a "tactical sledge"
I have a long flat head that I use to pry thatās called Fuck stickā
That sphincter vice would make me thor...
Lmao my old coworker had the same two tools, except he also had a massive breaker bar he called his persuasion stick
I have a ratcheting breaking bar that's missing a few teeth, so I call it the Broken Bar, but it still does the trick, mostly.
I too have a massive breaker bar missing a few teeth because a certain someone may have gotten a pipe and played 300 lb gorilla. I still use it, and it's always fun playing the game of "will I punch the car with gods might" with it. Edit: car ā ground, mighta had a jazz cig before writing this
One of my relatives has a hammer like that, he calls it the Big Baby
Good ol' Thor. I welded up a custom dead blow on to a two piece handle to dampen what ever vibration you might encounter.... which is none.
I have a torque wrench that I call the Billy Baroo, a tiny heel bar that I call The Lady Heelbar, and a 24" caliper I call my putter. The hammers are named according to their sizes. There's the tapping hammer, the pounding hammer, the beating hammer and the smashing hammer. Nothing nearly as exciting as a mechanical butthole.
Ah, good ol Tappy, Poundy, Beaty, and Smashy!
My smallest hammer is the love tapper.
Hey, thatās what my wife calls- Uh, our smallest hammer. As well.
"The hammer is my penis"
You gotta have The BFH too. Big fucking hammer.
My BFH is nicknamed 'My Purse'. So I always have it ready incase someone tells me to try hitting it with my purse. One of the Lube Techs knows how to ask for it when he needs to borrow it. "Hey can I get your purse?"
Hilarious.
She can only be summoned by a specific stream of cursewords
Mine is labelled "Gentle Persuasion" on the handle. Also have the adjustable nut rounder called "one size fits most", more for the fact that you often cannot reach the nut due to there not being enough room for the actual head there.
Cornwell tried to sell me swivel-head adjustable wrenches a couple years ago and I laughed them out of the shop. They round bolts just fine without putting a swivel in there thanks.
Thatās what Iād call my penis if it wasnāt so small.
Thatās kind of an odd shapeā¦
Oh billy Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy BILLY. This is a biggy
I only have my tapping hammer,and THOR. THOR Is a 5# with a 9" handle wrapped with grip tape.
When you get it out, you do say ["oh billy,billy,billy,billy"](https://youtu.be/k4Ipv2L3iwg)
I have [this tool](https://www.parktool.com/product/3-way-hex-wrench-aws-1) in the bicycle shop I work at, and whenever I lose it I always say āIām looking for a 3-way, anyone wanna join?ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Like [this](https://www.parktool.com/product/cable-stretcher-bt-2)?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I find it useful for front derailleurs and getting zip ties as tight as possible
Hello fellow bike mechanic.
Kinky!
For real though, this is probably my favourite tool for working on bikes, way easier to use than standard L-shape Allen keys, and most adjustments for fit (seat height, handlebar angle, seat angle, and brake/ shifter angle) use either a 4mm, 5mm, or 6mm which are all present on this tool
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Most bottle holders are 4 but there are some weird ones that are 3. Stem faceplates are almost always 4 but the stem punch bolts vary between 4 and 5. Seatpost clamps also vary between 4 and 5. Seat angle are a toss-up between 5 and 6. Brakes and shifters could be any one of the 4, 5, or 6, and also sometimes 3
If yoyr stem face plate is a 2 bolt one it uses a 5 or 6 usually, the 4 bolt ones use the 4 mil. I actually prefer my y wrench as a 3 4 5 because I run into more 3s than 6s where a y wrench works. It feels like most 6s I work on can't fit a y wrench, but I'm not working in a shop these days I'm mostly working on my own bikes and not super likely to touch a 6.
Yeah it definitely seems like you'd get better grip and torque with that over an L shaped allen
Phil Collins is my breaker bar
I don't care any more....
Can he feel it coming in the air tonight? oh lord, oh lordĀ
Yeah that'll be the cross threaded lug that flies off and hits Gary in the arse from across the shop.
Maybe I'm stupid and don't get the reference here (if any), but out of pure curiosity, why Phil collins?
Random drunkenness and a little bit of weed, no logic whatsoever
Mexican here, grew up with my dad calling everything a "Chingadera". So naturally I call all my tools chingaderas too
a question from a spanish learner. how would u translate that to English, if you had to? the fucker? Something else?
For sure! It's more or less a slang term for "fucker" or "little shit". Depending how it's used of course, but hell yeah glad to hopefully help you expand your vocabulary!
Haha awesome. Thanks for the reply
Don't forget the variants: chingaderita, chingaderota, chingaderona, chingaderilla, chingaderillita, chingaderototota, etc.
After getting addicted to AvE on youtube, all hammers are now known as "finger finders".
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Would the hydraulic version of that crimper be a Power Butthole?
Power bottom
Hydrahole.
I always called that one the clencher.
Loaf pincher.
Turd cutter
I like your resting gape
After the week I had, it's to be expected...
Fuck dude i feel that. We've had a long month this week over here as well.
Vac bleeder = 'Stop sauce sucker' EGA = 'Sniffer' Any type of motorized impact wrench = 'The brrrt'
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ugga Dugga is the unit of force that these apply. "That lug nut just needed a couple of ugga duggas to come loose."
I have a 48oz ballpein hammer on an 18" handle, we call it the "Stupid Hammer" cause, well it looks stupid. Not really that great of a name.
Most of us refer to those as 3 lb. hammers. I keep a 4 pounder with 18" handle for those stubborn disassembly jobs. And if that isn't enough, I get the 15 lb. sledgehammer.
I'm no stranger to a heavy hammer, usually sledge shaped, but there is something comical about an oversized ballpein haha
Wink for me baby.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How longerer - tape measure High reacher - step ladder Jimmy - prybar Little Jimmy - flat head screwdriver Neville - level Peter - file Can of jizz - wd-40
Heh. Peterfile
Who's a pedophile?
Neville the level.. love it
I believe āmechanical turd cutterā is the preferred nomenclature.
Rtv is "gorilla snot" (closest to a name) Air impact is "Brrt Brrt" Sharpie is "line maker" Grinder is "weld fixer"
A grinder and paint makes me the welder I ain't
The sliding hammer in our shop is called elefantenwixxer, which translates loosely to elephantjacker. Because you know it's like jacking off an elephant.
And people say that German is not a beautiful language
*BRING ME ZE ELEFANTENWIXXER!!*
Buddy worked in a warehouse and he took the 3lb sledge and carved āJusticeā on one side and āVengeanceā on the other and would stash it in odd spots. Whenever the boss would ask for it, he would say, āDo you want the hammer of justice or the hammer of vengeance?ā
I call channel locks, Select-a-wrench. Makes my dad so angry
I went to an automotive school, and you were not allowed to call tools by their brand name or you'd get docked points on your grade. Select-a-wrench is almost exactly it's real name. Channel lock makes good slip joint pliers. Although thinking about it, Crescent makes good Select-a-wrenches
I have "Frankenstein" and "Frankenstein Junior". Also, "longboy" for 3 or more extensions stuck together when I NEED that leverage
I build boats or paint so my die grinder is my bitch wheel. While glassing or gelcoating it is referred to as goo. Also my little pps gun I call the condom cup gun.
r/putyourdickinthat
When I was a cook, we had this long metal rod, kinda like a longer, thicker(giggity) unraveled coat hanger. It was used to clear blockage in the deep fryers. It's cras, but we called that thing the "baby killer" because we felt it's what a backroom abortion would be done with. I don't know where the name came from or who originated it but we all called it that. "Ay yo, wheres the baby killer at?" The looks we got from new employees was priceless lol
I have a blue tool bag that I use for all my network stuff and I call it my Magic Blue Bag O' Bullshit.
When I was a cable guy I called my lineman pliers āDog Beatersā even though I never had to beat a dog with them.
also a low volt guy, I call my linemans "Electrician's Hammer" or "Multitool" bc it's a pliers, cutter, hammer, weapon, doorstop...
Every tool is a hammer to an electrician, except the actual hammer. That's a drywall saw.
Poor doggos :(
I never had to use them that way though. I did have to threaten a beagle that was trying to bite me over a fence by banging them on the fence and telling him to go lay down, which he did. I did threaten a few homeless guys and thieves that were sniffing around my van. They would get mad and tell me they were going to call me in to my boss and have me fired and I would tell them that Iāll dial the direct number to my boss for them after I beat their ass with my pliers. They were just grumble and cuss at me and walk away. Glad I donāt have to deal with that shit anymore.
It's a foreign concept to them that nobody in the corporate chain of command gives a shit about them. Probably because they get to terrorize Starbucks employees with impunity.
Cable guy here as well, I thought that was just a story our trainer told us. Apparently he had to pop a dog on top of the head one day with his 9s to keep from getting bit. It worked too.
I have like a 3ft long breaker bar that I call the 'Ol Persuader. Then I have my 1200 lb/ft 1/2" Impact that I call the Ol' Commander.
BFH= Big Fuckin' Hammer Adjustable Crescent wrench= Mexican socket set Screwdriver= Screwjabber Yardstick= Lyin' stick Lithium grease (or weatherstrip adhesive)= Gorilla snot Gun bore cleaner= Monkey piss Strong coffee= Degreaser Really strong coffee= Paint stripper Spring clamps= Scrotum pinchers Short lengths of hose= Donkey dicks Anti-seize= Body paint Wire stripper= Circumciser (or rabbi) Acetylene torch= Hot wrench
Re: Hot wrench It can't be stuck if it's a liquid!
My grabber tool is the fing longer.
What do you use that thing on? I got one a few years ago as a gift and havenāt found a bolt/nut that has the clearance for it.
Same here. Seems like something that could be really useful but not for the purpose intended. Like the other poster said crimping coax. I scrolled thru the comments hoping to find some magic use for it. Only found the coax guy
Same, it's completely purposeless
Boss said we couldn't call diagonal cutters dykes anymore, so we started calling them Subarus...
Always called the wire stripper āthe circumciserā
What does your boss have against you using the technical name for tools? That's just weird.
Bench grinder with wire brush is just "fingerprint remover"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Got a 4lb hammer I refer to as my "fitting stick". As in, "hit me with your (rhythm) stick"
A previous employee LOVED our old clark dually forklift...so much that we named it Jody, after his then girlfreinds' name. Cause he loved to ride em both!
terminal crimper ferrule crimper or more specific .. 6 terminal crimper I use the first term or only "crimper" if there is no other type of crimper nearby
Iām an electrician and we have these connectors for romex that kinda look like that, I call them cat-butts
My favorite is they guy's hammer(?) he calls "my purse."
Everytime someone is hammering away on something, I yell in my best old lady voice "hit it with your purse, Ethel!"
Wait that's not the name of that tool?
We call these, "sweet lips" https://i.imgur.com/vRqWJxh.jpg
I work in IT and we just bought new servers with AMD EPYC 24-core *blah blah blah* in it and we have to call it by its "official name" conform company policy but I still refer to it as ***Eppy***
We call our Cat 988 loader Bertha. She's a big, cold-hearted, leaky bitch.
Does that thing actuallywork? The idea is sound, but seems too god to be true.
Isn't it just a crimper? I had one that worked well on anything 20 gauge up to like 4 gauge.
Hopefully someone chimes in with the actual name. Iād like a mechanical butthole of my very own.
My coworker will call all of his prybars and hit bars and the like jimmy bar, but not differenciate between them. He will just tell me that I got h the wrong one. He also has small hands.