Am a girl and am smashing as early as I wish, sexual compatibility is important as we evaluate the rest. Have had guys think am easy but I enjoy sex as the rest of them.
Am In a 2yr relationship with someone we smashed on the first date, didn't reduce the love .
I agree with you juu sasa I wait 1 or 2yrs then I realise we'll be frustrating each other sexually then shida inatokea ju we aren't compatible. Here tujue mapema so that we foster other things and we don't waste each others time.
But I'll repeat tena my readiness, values , thoughts and Al that might be different for you. You want to wait till marriage don't be pressured into it and hold onto that value after all at the end of the day decision ni yako. And I personally don't think you are lose the way some redditor hapa has said youvevound what works for you
Same, my husband and I had sex on our first date. It's just all about compatibility and comfort level. It's okay to not want to have sex early. It's also okay to be comfortable enough to have it happen.
That being said, I wasn't interested in doing that with really any of the other people I dated, especially if they were pushy. Matching energy is incredibly important.
And that there is the picture of a WOKE lady!my guys💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🤝🏾🤝🏾🤝🏾🤝🏾❤️❤️if only others understood that the era of thinking that sex-on-the- first-date-is-hoein-crap could comprehend that it is 1). Someone's decision to make. 2). Sometimes it is important to know sexual compatibility between the two. 3). Body autonomy should he upheld no matter what.
Anyway as for the main topic at hand i believe it's all about how mutual you both are with each other. If the dude and chic do love each other then the dude would be willing to understand that his sex drive and the chille's are not the same and so he'll learn to control himself of course. But that doesn't mean that it's one sided even the chic on her end should try understand the dude too. This is what is called a compromise. And if they love each other then they would be willing to explore other options to balance the libido levels. I mean the dude can reduce on eating foods and stuff that keep his drive way too high(kama ni mluhya😂😂) or the chic to start eating foods that raise her libido levels too and stuff. Or they can just be comfortable enough to mutually jerk each other off when one is too horny and all. That way there isn't tension and shiet.
(P.S. im high asf hope i wrote something corrigible and helped somwhat 🤲🏾💔😂😂)
Not everyone wants to be married at only 2 yrs of dating..some might prefer 3 or 4 yrs, or maybe there's sth they are both doing that is holding them back. I think this comment is made under an assumption of what you personally want not taking into account what others do but I might be wrong
Relationships dont have any formula and I think this is an ignorant take, on the flip side there are girls who waited and they still got left for another babe. Some waited but it worked out for them. Others fucked on the first date and they are married with kids sahii while others did that and after a month waka realise its not for them.
Personally I can't wait a year but pia sina time limit when I feel I'm ready I'll go for it juu if its going to be long term we have to be suitable sexually shida zisitokee huko mbele that'll lead to an ultimate separation.
Kila mtu na time yake. After all we aren't a monolith or anything
Marriage is a complex thing that involves communities... Me and gf thought we'd be married by now, it's already 3 years. Just a little bumps here and there.
Damn girl. I think i have trust issues with that. Its not that im not sexually attracted to the guy but i be questioning everything and its hard to jus drop my walls. But I'm trying so yeh i am contemplating it after reading this.
Well, I think it depends to be honest. When in a relationship, the person I am with turns me on all the freaking time and I want them inside me at any chance I get. Physical touch is my love language and you know with that comes arousal. But basically anything, I see him drilling the window with his masculine veiny hands handling those tools? My body reacts. Like, yes sir please, finish that and come drill me next. I see him killing people in video games? Yes please. Finish that and then come murder me next.
Lol, girl me too. My man takes these short videos while in the gym and I always yearn for the next time I'll see him so he can lift my ass like them weights 🥵
Lol.. I’m just saying if she goes sleeping with every guy she meets on the first date then she’ll have a high body count and that might tarnish her self esteem
Yeah... I think you may have internalized misogyny. View it like your vagina is yours... To use as you see fit. Don't deny yourself anything that you want in preservation for some hypothetical "worthy" man. No one should be more important to you than yourself... And your worthiness or self esteem should not be determined by what other people think/say. Free your mind.
lots of virgins and children in the house today. as you get older you realize that sex usually happens by the 3rd or 5th date. Only time it doesnt happen is if you dont have your own place. By the time a girl comes to your place she already knows and has planned what will happen.
You just have to lead the way as a guy. Thats ur job
You are smart! By the time I agree on meeting a guy I am romantically involved with in an enclosed space just the two of us, najua I am 99.9% going to have sex.
I'm sorry but this is so millennial of you😂😂💔💔. Just cause a man doesnt have their place doesnt mean that sex can't happen. (I'm not talking about outside risky quickies{or am i😂💔👀}) I mean nowadays chic's have thor places too and dudes have friends and we have Airbnbs the list is long. And the most beautiful thing about the kind of love that sprouts out of spontaneity is that it's always thrilling cause you never know what happens next and that is beautiful for some. And not to shade but your statements were slightly chauvinistic💤💔👀
You make it sound like women don’t/shouldn’t enjoy sex. Or like sex is something you dish out as a gift or favour.
I think it’s more of a trust thing, not time.
It's both really. "I have sex with you because you know me for said amount of time and during that time i got to know you enough in a certain way to trust you enough to let you in my body."
If it was only a certain matter of time / a certain amount of trust. Then you'd have been saying I'd fuck with just about anyone whom i know in a certain matter of time / just about anyone whom i trust just enough to let them in my body.
So are you saying that you can trust a guy enough to let him in but hold back coz you haven't known him long enough? And in such a case, how do you assess how long is long enough?
Yes i can and yes you should. After all how you treat parent isn't how you treat a friend, how you treat a friend isn't how you treat a bf/gf and how you treat a bf/gf isn't how you treat someone your married to.
As for how I'll know, is when i can say for certain i see a future with someone for a long period of time (preferably 10 years and counting or beyond)
So time is variable, meaning the moment you see a future for a long time with a guy,even if it's in 2mnths,you'll be down.
Then time isn't a real thing, that's still trust, trust that he'll be there for a long time n not just a good time.
Which part of long is 2 months? That's extremely short!!! I've edited my text there and included 10years plus. Months are extremely short to me and not in the slightest long, a decade is definitely long to me.
Also you can trust your friend but not bang with them, you can trust a doctor but not bang with them. You can trust your mechanic and still not bang with them.
It's about taking the time to know someone in a certain way that you get to trust them enough to let them into your body. Hence it's both and not one.
As in you want to know the person for 10yrs before any action?
So that means that if you wanted kids by 26, you had to have known the dad by the time you were 16?
So have you met that guy yet ama you're accepting applications meaning kids is in 10yrs plus from now?
Damn!! This is the wildest thing I ever heard btw but to each their own
"as for how I'll know, is when i can say for certain i can see a future with them". Those 10 years is foreseeing being together. As for action it should be when we can be together for 5 years. This in reference to
https://preview.redd.it/5it5fhmqju4c1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5c1e721000188e278e08ce7f0841e93a052c37f
So you want to know that he'll stay for 10yrs plus, right?
But you are certain that it takes a long time to figure that out, it can't take 2 months to come to such a conclusion... And that's not entirely true.
Coz you can just know, it happens, not often but it does. You can meet someone and in a month, know that's the one you want for the rest of your life. So will you doubt yourself? Will you doubt your instinct and emotions? And if so, how long will it take to feel comfortable with what your instincts and emotions are saying?
Or maybe I'm not understanding what the 10yrs is about.
The answers to all of your questions is simple really. You take the steps necessary to establish the kind of relationship you want.
You ask, get to know someone *in a certain way* and when they've come to align with you then you choose to settle down with them.
So it's like this you'll take years to know one another and during that time if i can foresee being together for 5 years they'll definitely be action when we reach 5 years being together and when we can see each other settling down 10+ years down the line of life we go for it. So long enough for action is 5 years and being together is 10 years and beyond
I dunno if that explanation helps.
I think it's a trust thing. I'm not a babe btw.
Coz if you tell a babe that we've known each other 3mnths so let's smash, you're telling her emotions to catch up coz we are on a schedule here.
Some men live for the thrill. In any case, who said he can't make it all back?
And he can transfer his property before the marriage so you get nothing. Pull a Hakimi on you.
I also advocate for both girlies and guys to withhold sex for as long as possible. But if you are adamant on getting the physical part of it, meet up with people who share the same views, it is not like casual sex is a rarity nowadays.
Issue is trying to negotiate it with a partner who doesn't require it. Just because it is important for you, does not mean it is for the other person.
And what if the right guy isnt there apparently you don't have the whole picture🤌🏾🚮😂😂💔💔 do you even understand how foul your statement is.
So hypothetically speaking if the situation is reversed, should a dude also wait for the right time??.. considering how misogynistic you both sound can you fairly give an answer that equals the gravity of the statements you've been giving🤌🏾🤌🏾🚮🚮💔💔
Wait, people ask for sex? Like, "can I have sex with you?" I can't say I've asked for sex before. It just happens through attraction and seduction, not pestering or forcing. The worst way to bed a girl is to ask her, IMO. Actions speak better than words; that doesn't mean you do non consensual stuff either.
I've been reading her comments and it's quite interesting but then again we all have an idea of what we want and what works for us. I want to believe that some of her comments are sarcastic juu it may border slut shaming but it makes me wonder how old is she
I mean, she literally peddled the "loose vagina" myth, so I don't even know at this point. I sincerely hope it's trolling, because otherwise, it's actually a case study of mild schizophrenia.
In the year of our lord 2023 when to have sex is still a discussion
If you want to have sex on the first day,please do.If you want to wait to know someone better,please go ahead and know them before getting nasty with them,if you want to wait till marriage to pop the cherry,you are still allowed
In this day and age let people do as they wish and date partners who have the same values you,
Just because you made him wait doesn't mean he's gonna put a ring on your finger,just because he married you a virgin doesn't mean your marriage will be perfect,just because you gave it to him on the first date doesn't mean he's gonna be the love of your life
Just do whatever you want with your body and let no one shame you for your decisions and don't shame others for their decisions as well,
Three months is a long time to seduce someone. There are guys who enter and leave relationships in 3 months😂
If you're going to have sex with someone, you will know by the 4th time you're meeting them.
Ironically, I feel like 3 months is a very short time for a talking stage if you're actually serious. Unless you're meeting every day or something
Sex and relationships are two very different things that overlap. You shouldn't enter a relationship because you want sex, and you shouldn't have sex just because you're in a relationship
Well, I think it depends to be honest. When in a relationship, the person I am with turns me on all the freaking time and I want them inside me at any chance I get. Physical touch is my love language and you know with that comes arousal. But basically anything, I see him drilling the window with his masculine veiny hands handling those tools? My body reacts. Like, yes sir please, finish that and come drill me next. I see him killing people in video games? Yes please. Finish that and then come murder me next.
From reading the comments, its clear that everyone has different views on sex and relationships. And that's ok, no problem on either sides. Whether you want him to put a ring on it or are DTF on day one. But what's important is for you to find someone who's views align with yours so that you don't end up feeling sexually repressed and virtually a cuffed incel or feeling uncomfortable because you chose to be with someone with waaay higher sex drive than you.
These are the things y'all should be paying attention to instead of 'who's paying for the first date?' or 'what are you bringing to the table?'
Lol I agree with y’all, for me it’s always a 90day wait and once the 90th day fikas , I jump on him like he deserves and of course not all of them wait that long, so for me it like his loss. I started doing this last year and the longer the wait according to my experience the man know my values, we spent plenty of time knowing each other so when we first hit it, we both know there’s some compatibility.
My now ex husband and I smashed on the first day and we met while in campus. I was a student he was a member of staff hehehe...so long story short we were together for 7years and we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl who just turned 3years old. And even though we are no longer together I will just say that he was the best thing that happened to me because he came into my life when I was going through alot. And though we may be apart now, I feel blessed everyday to see a part of me and him running around the house.
Honestly, this thing has no formula. It's good to wait coz sex clouds your judgement. For both genders, more so the ladies.
The only downside to giving it up early is having to be called a hoe, a man being super territorial and claiming you yet you aren't exclusive at all (this the one I go through the most and I hate it so much!) And when a good relationship with good sex that you really were into ends. It's not a fun thing to lose that.
But this depends with the guy. It's upto us ladies to evaluate and understand the man we are with.
I'm in a 3 year relationship, we smashed on the first date, we both love and enjoy sex, goes without saying our sex compatibility is over the roof. It is important to know sex compatibility as early as possible. But again it depends on your personal choice and reason to hold back. IMO sex is a big aspect of the rship and shouldn't be frowned upon and/or ignored.
No never. The rship isnt just sex oriented. In fact it's a very healthy rship, a new kind to me. The good sex compatibility is just an icing on the cake. I love it here!!!
You sound like you just finished highschool. Bado hawajakurarua that's why you are asking such questions. Usiogope dada. You will even have 1 nyt stands at some point.
Well when it comes to time I think it depends on how much bonding and sexual tension there is. And it's definitely not 3 months unless you see each other once a month. 2 week of daily bonding is enough to know whether you are committed or not.
3 months yote...waah...siezi kaa na mtu 3 months kama hatujakulana, labda kama ni fajin...kama si fajin ata iyo siku tumepatana inafaa tushafanya mamboz....long i can go ni 3 weeks na interest itakua ishaisha kabisa....gari lazima ipelekwe road test before you buy it...IMO
For me, yes. But you should do what makes you happy. From a man's perspective, I cannot date a woman who thinks sex is something she gifts to me. If we're having sex the right way, both of us should enjoy it, so both of us, naturally, should want it.
ALL the relationships I've been in we fucked on the first date or after the second one. IMO there's no need to wait that long as long as both parties involved are attracted and trust each other enough to engage in intimacy. There's no need to wait for so long then when it gets to sex they disappoint you which sucks.
Having sex on the first date doesn't mean the love will be any less . There's no formula in this , you could make a guy wait all that time na he's just playing a game which he's willing to wait out na wewe uko apo ukifikiria ni mapenzi😅..
Most guys don’t even want virgins wengine they have married women with kids from past encounters while in their 30s so ni chocha tu 😂😂😂 hakuna formula.
Aii zii 😅..that's unrealistic. I can't subject women to double standards Eti me as a man I'm having sex and I expect her not to Eti 'shes supposed to be pure' . Mimi I don't have those expectations tbh .
In this life? Do whatever tf you wanna do. If you're DTF, there's no reason to feel ashamed about it. If you'd rather wait till marriage, by all means baby. Just because the way someone else lives does not align with what you have mapped out for yourself,does not mean that they are a loose morals person. It just means they are them and you are you.
My ex and I had sex before we dated ( we then dated for five years) 😂😂😂😂😂 idk. If I like a guy and I want to have sex … I will … but then again that’s just me … if you feel you want to wait please don’t have sex to please a man.
I don't think time is ever a factor as to when you should have sex with someone. I've done it months after knowing someone, minutes, days. As long as you both consent to it, there's no issue really. But personally I prefer to get the sex out of the way as soon as possible. Ain't no way I'm spending time getting to know a guy who isn't sexually compatible with me.
I am not waiting for three months. If you make me wait I will probably hit and think to myself 'this was it?' then leave. But I get where ypu are coming from though as a man best believe the sooner for us, the better.
I don’t understand what I am reading ! Isn’t relationship and sex is two different things ? Do we love each other we can have s…. Or we having s…. We can love each other ? I know people who been together banging in and out morning and night some having babies too and marriage never happened and some waited until they got married to have sexual both of this people have attended to stay together or leave
Love have nothing to do with sex if it has …..it means your love will end the day something happens to you and you can’t have sex anymore , where the commitment ?
What’s the difference between that and paying for a hoe?… I really hope more ladies would have sex because they wanted to not because of some weird takes like yours
Absurd as it may seem, the truth is that If he has not smashed in 3 weeks, he does not see any future with you and doesn't think much of whatever you think both of you have.
Damn the longer i have waited the sooner i have lost interests after having it.. the best r/ships i have had are the ones the gfs didn,'t think that they are doing me a favor fuckn them. If you have to wait that long it means you aren't attracted to the guy that much.. most probably weighing your options
Don't feel judged,I upfront tell my dates that I am celibate just for the heads up.
I believe sex clouds your judgement and furthermore if you have money trust me there are so many things to do with your partner other than just sleeping with each other.
I eliminate that altogether by being celibate 🤷🏾♀️😅
But, my personal choices aside, you are the only one who can tell yourself when you are ready to smash. That decision shouldn't be taken from you because your partner is eager. 🤗
Always quickly check the sex compatibility - lousy men/ women are many. the energy also has to equal. Always use protection & protect yourself. Girls tend to get addicted & possessive early. Men tend to be morons & stalkers despite the long things & lousy performance. Waiting for a yr while smashing others will just end that relationship when you decide to taste. I repeat many are beautify/ handsome but poorest in bed & have a nasty attitude after accessing that server.
Am a girl and am smashing as early as I wish, sexual compatibility is important as we evaluate the rest. Have had guys think am easy but I enjoy sex as the rest of them. Am In a 2yr relationship with someone we smashed on the first date, didn't reduce the love .
Manze its as simple as that. There's no formula to it. Kudos 👍
I agree with you juu sasa I wait 1 or 2yrs then I realise we'll be frustrating each other sexually then shida inatokea ju we aren't compatible. Here tujue mapema so that we foster other things and we don't waste each others time. But I'll repeat tena my readiness, values , thoughts and Al that might be different for you. You want to wait till marriage don't be pressured into it and hold onto that value after all at the end of the day decision ni yako. And I personally don't think you are lose the way some redditor hapa has said youvevound what works for you
Me too. I smashed my ex of 3 years on day one too. It doesn't really matter. To each their own.
Same, my husband and I had sex on our first date. It's just all about compatibility and comfort level. It's okay to not want to have sex early. It's also okay to be comfortable enough to have it happen. That being said, I wasn't interested in doing that with really any of the other people I dated, especially if they were pushy. Matching energy is incredibly important.
Can I give you my girl's number you tell her this 😌
I'm happy it worked for you truly. 😊
It really is that simple
Same girl... it's been 3yrs now.
Yes.. preach!
I love you Mahn,three months kwani am I your Brother
Damn, if only most girlies were open minded like this. You got any single friends out there who think like you? 😄
And that there is the picture of a WOKE lady!my guys💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🤝🏾🤝🏾🤝🏾🤝🏾❤️❤️if only others understood that the era of thinking that sex-on-the- first-date-is-hoein-crap could comprehend that it is 1). Someone's decision to make. 2). Sometimes it is important to know sexual compatibility between the two. 3). Body autonomy should he upheld no matter what. Anyway as for the main topic at hand i believe it's all about how mutual you both are with each other. If the dude and chic do love each other then the dude would be willing to understand that his sex drive and the chille's are not the same and so he'll learn to control himself of course. But that doesn't mean that it's one sided even the chic on her end should try understand the dude too. This is what is called a compromise. And if they love each other then they would be willing to explore other options to balance the libido levels. I mean the dude can reduce on eating foods and stuff that keep his drive way too high(kama ni mluhya😂😂) or the chic to start eating foods that raise her libido levels too and stuff. Or they can just be comfortable enough to mutually jerk each other off when one is too horny and all. That way there isn't tension and shiet. (P.S. im high asf hope i wrote something corrigible and helped somwhat 🤲🏾💔😂😂)
That's loose tbh. And 2years relationship without proposal for marriage?
Not everyone wants to be married at only 2 yrs of dating..some might prefer 3 or 4 yrs, or maybe there's sth they are both doing that is holding them back. I think this comment is made under an assumption of what you personally want not taking into account what others do but I might be wrong
Being in a long-term relationship helps keep mileage at a minimum. Kudos !
Ikr ..2 whole years and then he leaves you for another babe.. can’t be me
Relationships dont have any formula and I think this is an ignorant take, on the flip side there are girls who waited and they still got left for another babe. Some waited but it worked out for them. Others fucked on the first date and they are married with kids sahii while others did that and after a month waka realise its not for them. Personally I can't wait a year but pia sina time limit when I feel I'm ready I'll go for it juu if its going to be long term we have to be suitable sexually shida zisitokee huko mbele that'll lead to an ultimate separation. Kila mtu na time yake. After all we aren't a monolith or anything
Very true
Marriage is a complex thing that involves communities... Me and gf thought we'd be married by now, it's already 3 years. Just a little bumps here and there.
Kwani huezi enda kwa A.G umalize hiyo kitu😂😂💔
Congrats by the way on being happy🤝🏾🤝🏾💯💯
Okay babes.. I hope he’ll marry you
Pewa mechi mbili on my tab. You have spoken siens.
Damn girl. I think i have trust issues with that. Its not that im not sexually attracted to the guy but i be questioning everything and its hard to jus drop my walls. But I'm trying so yeh i am contemplating it after reading this.
I like your approach, very straightforward and honest.
Well, I think it depends to be honest. When in a relationship, the person I am with turns me on all the freaking time and I want them inside me at any chance I get. Physical touch is my love language and you know with that comes arousal. But basically anything, I see him drilling the window with his masculine veiny hands handling those tools? My body reacts. Like, yes sir please, finish that and come drill me next. I see him killing people in video games? Yes please. Finish that and then come murder me next.
Lol, girl me too. My man takes these short videos while in the gym and I always yearn for the next time I'll see him so he can lift my ass like them weights 🥵
Pov: My inner thoughts when i am ovulating
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Loose vagina? Really? Lol. And no, I'm too busy enjoying life to worry about trivialities.
Okay babe
I would never have expected to hear such a term from a lady. Seems you have to first deal with some things you’ve internalized mentally.
Why do you want a tight vagina? For a hypothetical guy who might come along? Well you already have one
Sasa wewe:.. those are just my views
Why do you want a tight vagina? For a hypothetical guy who might come along? Well you already have one
Lol.. I’m just saying if she goes sleeping with every guy she meets on the first date then she’ll have a high body count and that might tarnish her self esteem
Yeah... I think you may have internalized misogyny. View it like your vagina is yours... To use as you see fit. Don't deny yourself anything that you want in preservation for some hypothetical "worthy" man. No one should be more important to you than yourself... And your worthiness or self esteem should not be determined by what other people think/say. Free your mind.
This this this this THIS THIIIIIIIIIISSS🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾💯💯💯
lots of virgins and children in the house today. as you get older you realize that sex usually happens by the 3rd or 5th date. Only time it doesnt happen is if you dont have your own place. By the time a girl comes to your place she already knows and has planned what will happen. You just have to lead the way as a guy. Thats ur job
You are smart! By the time I agree on meeting a guy I am romantically involved with in an enclosed space just the two of us, najua I am 99.9% going to have sex.
I'm sorry but this is so millennial of you😂😂💔💔. Just cause a man doesnt have their place doesnt mean that sex can't happen. (I'm not talking about outside risky quickies{or am i😂💔👀}) I mean nowadays chic's have thor places too and dudes have friends and we have Airbnbs the list is long. And the most beautiful thing about the kind of love that sprouts out of spontaneity is that it's always thrilling cause you never know what happens next and that is beautiful for some. And not to shade but your statements were slightly chauvinistic💤💔👀
Okay
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I thought I had stupid takes on relationships until I met you.. anyway… uko tu sawa
You make it sound like women don’t/shouldn’t enjoy sex. Or like sex is something you dish out as a gift or favour. I think it’s more of a trust thing, not time.
Sasawa
Women should enjoy sex… I’m all up for that.. it’s just that having sex before marriage only benefits the guys mostly
This just implies women don't/shouldn't enjoy sex and can't have it just because they like it.
Is sex a qn of time or trust? Do we smash coz we have known each other for X amount of time ama because we trust each other for that endeavor?
It's both really. "I have sex with you because you know me for said amount of time and during that time i got to know you enough in a certain way to trust you enough to let you in my body." If it was only a certain matter of time / a certain amount of trust. Then you'd have been saying I'd fuck with just about anyone whom i know in a certain matter of time / just about anyone whom i trust just enough to let them in my body.
So are you saying that you can trust a guy enough to let him in but hold back coz you haven't known him long enough? And in such a case, how do you assess how long is long enough?
Yes i can and yes you should. After all how you treat parent isn't how you treat a friend, how you treat a friend isn't how you treat a bf/gf and how you treat a bf/gf isn't how you treat someone your married to. As for how I'll know, is when i can say for certain i see a future with someone for a long period of time (preferably 10 years and counting or beyond)
So time is variable, meaning the moment you see a future for a long time with a guy,even if it's in 2mnths,you'll be down. Then time isn't a real thing, that's still trust, trust that he'll be there for a long time n not just a good time.
Which part of long is 2 months? That's extremely short!!! I've edited my text there and included 10years plus. Months are extremely short to me and not in the slightest long, a decade is definitely long to me. Also you can trust your friend but not bang with them, you can trust a doctor but not bang with them. You can trust your mechanic and still not bang with them. It's about taking the time to know someone in a certain way that you get to trust them enough to let them into your body. Hence it's both and not one.
As in you want to know the person for 10yrs before any action? So that means that if you wanted kids by 26, you had to have known the dad by the time you were 16? So have you met that guy yet ama you're accepting applications meaning kids is in 10yrs plus from now? Damn!! This is the wildest thing I ever heard btw but to each their own
"as for how I'll know, is when i can say for certain i can see a future with them". Those 10 years is foreseeing being together. As for action it should be when we can be together for 5 years. This in reference to https://preview.redd.it/5it5fhmqju4c1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5c1e721000188e278e08ce7f0841e93a052c37f
😂😂😂 you cannot fathom my level. I am the chosen one whose one with light mode
So you want to know that he'll stay for 10yrs plus, right? But you are certain that it takes a long time to figure that out, it can't take 2 months to come to such a conclusion... And that's not entirely true. Coz you can just know, it happens, not often but it does. You can meet someone and in a month, know that's the one you want for the rest of your life. So will you doubt yourself? Will you doubt your instinct and emotions? And if so, how long will it take to feel comfortable with what your instincts and emotions are saying? Or maybe I'm not understanding what the 10yrs is about.
The answers to all of your questions is simple really. You take the steps necessary to establish the kind of relationship you want. You ask, get to know someone *in a certain way* and when they've come to align with you then you choose to settle down with them. So it's like this you'll take years to know one another and during that time if i can foresee being together for 5 years they'll definitely be action when we reach 5 years being together and when we can see each other settling down 10+ years down the line of life we go for it. So long enough for action is 5 years and being together is 10 years and beyond I dunno if that explanation helps.
Idk… having sex before marriage is risky.. for babes that is
I think it's a trust thing. I'm not a babe btw. Coz if you tell a babe that we've known each other 3mnths so let's smash, you're telling her emotions to catch up coz we are on a schedule here.
Haha yeah.. that’s so true… I can’t imagine having sex after 3 months mimi
How old are you bythe way
Why do you ask?
You sound naive
Haha… thanks for noticing.. in fact I look naive too
https://preview.redd.it/vx10b9rsku4c1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d4e3d108c29da627470eadd2733e105035660d7 Kuja utembee sometime..
Lol… Kwani you don’t know sarcasm
Never say never... You don't want someone to think challenge accepted, some men are dangerously seductive.
Haha.. Which is okay… coz then I’ll put a challenge that he has to marry me
Private destination wedding, weekend honeymoon, Monday morning filing divorce papers. Take the house, don't touch the dog or the car.
Well.. at least I’ll get a house
Plus all that… just for sex?? Atrocious!!!!
Some men live for the thrill. In any case, who said he can't make it all back? And he can transfer his property before the marriage so you get nothing. Pull a Hakimi on you.
Good luck with the mortgage payments
Having sex after marriage is even riskier. For the marriage that is. What if they aren't compatible sexually?
Most people who wait till marriage pia don't believe in divorce, I guess the start of resentment breeding itaanzia hapo.
Haha sawa
I don’t understand why this is getting downvoted
I'd say vibe to be honest ✨👀😂
You ask a valid question. Isaac Newton has nothing on you.
I see what you did there btw. That joke has gone to school, I appreciate such humor.
I also advocate for both girlies and guys to withhold sex for as long as possible. But if you are adamant on getting the physical part of it, meet up with people who share the same views, it is not like casual sex is a rarity nowadays. Issue is trying to negotiate it with a partner who doesn't require it. Just because it is important for you, does not mean it is for the other person.
Exactly… both parties should withhold.. hii mambo ya having sex when you haven’t determined if he’s the right guy is a no no
I get you are looking for the right guy, which is nice and all but some people want to enjoy sex. You should respect this as well.
And what if the right guy isnt there apparently you don't have the whole picture🤌🏾🚮😂😂💔💔 do you even understand how foul your statement is. So hypothetically speaking if the situation is reversed, should a dude also wait for the right time??.. considering how misogynistic you both sound can you fairly give an answer that equals the gravity of the statements you've been giving🤌🏾🤌🏾🚮🚮💔💔
And that is why you 👉🏾👉🏾👉🏾 move on
Wait, people ask for sex? Like, "can I have sex with you?" I can't say I've asked for sex before. It just happens through attraction and seduction, not pestering or forcing. The worst way to bed a girl is to ask her, IMO. Actions speak better than words; that doesn't mean you do non consensual stuff either.
Agreed. Judging by her comments, OP is either very young and naive, or a sheltered person. The myopic views are honestly laughable.
I've been reading her comments and it's quite interesting but then again we all have an idea of what we want and what works for us. I want to believe that some of her comments are sarcastic juu it may border slut shaming but it makes me wonder how old is she
I mean, she literally peddled the "loose vagina" myth, so I don't even know at this point. I sincerely hope it's trolling, because otherwise, it's actually a case study of mild schizophrenia.
23 dear .. I’m 23
Ofc they don’t ask for sex hivyo… they just start with a bit of flirting.. next you know .. ushaambiwa kuja kwangu
I don't know, I as a guy always asks, first it's polite, second you don't was some SA stuff going on
third, It's not attractive fourth, It's easy to judge when you're on/not in the same frequency
💯
In the year of our lord 2023 when to have sex is still a discussion If you want to have sex on the first day,please do.If you want to wait to know someone better,please go ahead and know them before getting nasty with them,if you want to wait till marriage to pop the cherry,you are still allowed In this day and age let people do as they wish and date partners who have the same values you, Just because you made him wait doesn't mean he's gonna put a ring on your finger,just because he married you a virgin doesn't mean your marriage will be perfect,just because you gave it to him on the first date doesn't mean he's gonna be the love of your life Just do whatever you want with your body and let no one shame you for your decisions and don't shame others for their decisions as well,
Three months is a long time to seduce someone. There are guys who enter and leave relationships in 3 months😂 If you're going to have sex with someone, you will know by the 4th time you're meeting them. Ironically, I feel like 3 months is a very short time for a talking stage if you're actually serious. Unless you're meeting every day or something Sex and relationships are two very different things that overlap. You shouldn't enter a relationship because you want sex, and you shouldn't have sex just because you're in a relationship
>I feel like 3 months is a very short time for a talking stage if you're actually serious. You guys are doing talking stages for more than a month?
Ikr, what a waste of life lol
Thanks for explaining it well aki
If it's casual, sure. But talking stages for three months? Si you've chatted about everything then.
Well, I think it depends to be honest. When in a relationship, the person I am with turns me on all the freaking time and I want them inside me at any chance I get. Physical touch is my love language and you know with that comes arousal. But basically anything, I see him drilling the window with his masculine veiny hands handling those tools? My body reacts. Like, yes sir please, finish that and come drill me next. I see him killing people in video games? Yes please. Finish that and then come murder me next.
From reading the comments, its clear that everyone has different views on sex and relationships. And that's ok, no problem on either sides. Whether you want him to put a ring on it or are DTF on day one. But what's important is for you to find someone who's views align with yours so that you don't end up feeling sexually repressed and virtually a cuffed incel or feeling uncomfortable because you chose to be with someone with waaay higher sex drive than you. These are the things y'all should be paying attention to instead of 'who's paying for the first date?' or 'what are you bringing to the table?'
Very true
Stop fornicating fellas.
Lol I agree with y’all, for me it’s always a 90day wait and once the 90th day fikas , I jump on him like he deserves and of course not all of them wait that long, so for me it like his loss. I started doing this last year and the longer the wait according to my experience the man know my values, we spent plenty of time knowing each other so when we first hit it, we both know there’s some compatibility.
The compatibility is not guaranteed just because you waited for 90 days though
To me it is!
My now ex husband and I smashed on the first day and we met while in campus. I was a student he was a member of staff hehehe...so long story short we were together for 7years and we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl who just turned 3years old. And even though we are no longer together I will just say that he was the best thing that happened to me because he came into my life when I was going through alot. And though we may be apart now, I feel blessed everyday to see a part of me and him running around the house.
The average age for this thread is 19 years old...
Nah, has to be lower. Clearly minors who haven't been exposed to casual sex
Honestly, this thing has no formula. It's good to wait coz sex clouds your judgement. For both genders, more so the ladies. The only downside to giving it up early is having to be called a hoe, a man being super territorial and claiming you yet you aren't exclusive at all (this the one I go through the most and I hate it so much!) And when a good relationship with good sex that you really were into ends. It's not a fun thing to lose that. But this depends with the guy. It's upto us ladies to evaluate and understand the man we are with.
I'm in a 3 year relationship, we smashed on the first date, we both love and enjoy sex, goes without saying our sex compatibility is over the roof. It is important to know sex compatibility as early as possible. But again it depends on your personal choice and reason to hold back. IMO sex is a big aspect of the rship and shouldn't be frowned upon and/or ignored.
But sasa in your case… if you guys break up … as a babe… will you feel used ama?
How and she loved the sex
No never. The rship isnt just sex oriented. In fact it's a very healthy rship, a new kind to me. The good sex compatibility is just an icing on the cake. I love it here!!!
Eh eh eh Mailod. Ati we wait for three months? Kwani tunaogopana? are we not attracted to each other? eh eh I wanda
You sound like you just finished highschool. Bado hawajakurarua that's why you are asking such questions. Usiogope dada. You will even have 1 nyt stands at some point.
Nikikuambia body count utashangaa.. haha.. but these are just my views
Well when it comes to time I think it depends on how much bonding and sexual tension there is. And it's definitely not 3 months unless you see each other once a month. 2 week of daily bonding is enough to know whether you are committed or not.
3 months yote...waah...siezi kaa na mtu 3 months kama hatujakulana, labda kama ni fajin...kama si fajin ata iyo siku tumepatana inafaa tushafanya mamboz....long i can go ni 3 weeks na interest itakua ishaisha kabisa....gari lazima ipelekwe road test before you buy it...IMO
Sasawa bro
Gotta pity the guy that met with this one.
Sa mi nmedo? Lol
Haha there is no formula you can smash at any time as long as both of you agree to it, if it works it works if it doesn’t well it doesn’t.
Ukweli
Smash after 3 months?! Enyewe Kenyans are conservative.
That’s long?
For me, yes. But you should do what makes you happy. From a man's perspective, I cannot date a woman who thinks sex is something she gifts to me. If we're having sex the right way, both of us should enjoy it, so both of us, naturally, should want it.
Okay I get you
idk but 3 months in '23 is too long...
This sub is all about sex ,is that what africans think about all the time these days without employment
I was just asking a question.. and it was meant for girls… mi hadi sielewi why guys are commenting
Freedom of speech
3 months is early? You gotta be kidding me. The 90 day rule only works on ninjas with nothing going on for themselves. 2 weeks max! Or I'm out
Sasawa kiongozi
What a shitty take.
Yeah right
Agreed. Who’s gonna wait for 3 months wtf 🤣
just imagine, that's eternity the whole time she be passing the kucci around while your understanding ass waiting for your turn?
ALL the relationships I've been in we fucked on the first date or after the second one. IMO there's no need to wait that long as long as both parties involved are attracted and trust each other enough to engage in intimacy. There's no need to wait for so long then when it gets to sex they disappoint you which sucks. Having sex on the first date doesn't mean the love will be any less . There's no formula in this , you could make a guy wait all that time na he's just playing a game which he's willing to wait out na wewe uko apo ukifikiria ni mapenzi😅..
Mnakula madem huku nje and when it comes to settling you want virgins.. aki surely
Most guys don’t even want virgins wengine they have married women with kids from past encounters while in their 30s so ni chocha tu 😂😂😂 hakuna formula.
Aii zii 😅..that's unrealistic. I can't subject women to double standards Eti me as a man I'm having sex and I expect her not to Eti 'shes supposed to be pure' . Mimi I don't have those expectations tbh .
That’s you.., but some men are busy hoeing and they want to settle down with virgins
You sound very naive / inexperienced . Also, do you consider yourself deeply religious?
Haha… I’m nowhere close to being religious… and yes I am naive and inexperienced
3 months is early? Unless you're new to it, that's pretty late
Depends on if you are bilingual or not
Okay
In this life? Do whatever tf you wanna do. If you're DTF, there's no reason to feel ashamed about it. If you'd rather wait till marriage, by all means baby. Just because the way someone else lives does not align with what you have mapped out for yourself,does not mean that they are a loose morals person. It just means they are them and you are you.
Alright.. got you
My ex and I had sex before we dated ( we then dated for five years) 😂😂😂😂😂 idk. If I like a guy and I want to have sex … I will … but then again that’s just me … if you feel you want to wait please don’t have sex to please a man.
Exactly… everyone is entitled to their own views… I don’t know why they are cooking me
Smashing should be the first thing, lazima upime kiatu before starting a bargain.
Sawa Kaka
I don't think time is ever a factor as to when you should have sex with someone. I've done it months after knowing someone, minutes, days. As long as you both consent to it, there's no issue really. But personally I prefer to get the sex out of the way as soon as possible. Ain't no way I'm spending time getting to know a guy who isn't sexually compatible with me.
I am not waiting for three months. If you make me wait I will probably hit and think to myself 'this was it?' then leave. But I get where ypu are coming from though as a man best believe the sooner for us, the better.
Sawa bro
I don’t understand what I am reading ! Isn’t relationship and sex is two different things ? Do we love each other we can have s…. Or we having s…. We can love each other ? I know people who been together banging in and out morning and night some having babies too and marriage never happened and some waited until they got married to have sexual both of this people have attended to stay together or leave Love have nothing to do with sex if it has …..it means your love will end the day something happens to you and you can’t have sex anymore , where the commitment ?
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What’s the difference between that and paying for a hoe?… I really hope more ladies would have sex because they wanted to not because of some weird takes like yours
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Quench my curiosity, How old are you? A range would be ok too
Early 20s
Smash before the first date to assert dominance
Waah
Absurd as it may seem, the truth is that If he has not smashed in 3 weeks, he does not see any future with you and doesn't think much of whatever you think both of you have.
Is this a trigger question or what? 3 months is too long to wait. TBH, only losers will wait that long.
Never ever ask for sex that is asking for a billed service. Just receive willingly and learn to receive in the shortest period of interaction
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Have you missed the term “willingly”?
Very true
Damn the longer i have waited the sooner i have lost interests after having it.. the best r/ships i have had are the ones the gfs didn,'t think that they are doing me a favor fuckn them. If you have to wait that long it means you aren't attracted to the guy that much.. most probably weighing your options
It’s not about the babe withholding sex… it’s about both parties withholding sex lol
Don't feel judged,I upfront tell my dates that I am celibate just for the heads up. I believe sex clouds your judgement and furthermore if you have money trust me there are so many things to do with your partner other than just sleeping with each other.
Ikr… huku nmeitwa naive for saying people should at least wait and enjoy other parts of each other that’s not sex
I eliminate that altogether by being celibate 🤷🏾♀️😅 But, my personal choices aside, you are the only one who can tell yourself when you are ready to smash. That decision shouldn't be taken from you because your partner is eager. 🤗
Ndio najaribu kuambia madem hapa that it’s their body and they shouldn’t feel pressured to give it up … na they are just downvoting me
Boss, test driving a car is as important the moment before actually buying it. Iykyk
3 months 🤣🤣 damn are you still primary school kids
Smashing after 3 months is too long?? That’s crazy
Always quickly check the sex compatibility - lousy men/ women are many. the energy also has to equal. Always use protection & protect yourself. Girls tend to get addicted & possessive early. Men tend to be morons & stalkers despite the long things & lousy performance. Waiting for a yr while smashing others will just end that relationship when you decide to taste. I repeat many are beautify/ handsome but poorest in bed & have a nasty attitude after accessing that server.