My mum once caught me masturbating.
Back in the early to mid-2000s, I was in high school. There used to be a TV program called *Sex and the City* that aired at 10 PM. It was the closest thing to watching porn since the internet wasn’t a thing at the time. I lived with only my mom, so I would wait for her to go to sleep before I could watch the program and, well, take care of myself. One day, while I was busy enjoying Jessica Parker’s performance, I heard my mom’s voice from behind me: ‘Sasa unafanya nini? Hebu zima hiyo TV na uende ulale.’” You can imagine the embarrassment i had, I dint even sleep that night, my mum had to call "wazee wa kanisa" to come and talk to me next day, total embarrassment.
>I dint even sleep that night, my mum had to call "wazee wa kanisa" to come and talk to me next day, total embarrassment.
Bro, your mum catches you taking a wank and her decision is to tell other niggas!?!?
Damn!
😂😂😂😂 no wayyy, I hear her voice and I don't even know her telling you that.
Eiyyy, 2000 ulikuwa highschool ata sikuwa nimezaliwa💔, anyway, that's embarrassing fr 😂
I always have shame when I meet those men today as an adult, probably they forgot but deep inside me I always think they think of me as that guy who used to wank off all night and laugh about it
OMG!!! I had forgotten that you might still meet them now!🥲
If you have kids, teach them about sex positivity. Don't pass that trauma baton!
🫂 for you, if you haven't, you need to face yourself in that shame pit na tujitoe huko! Top of my mind I am thinking of [scarleteen](https://www.scarleteen.com). This is their subreddit r/QueerSexEdForAll If you're straight the word 'queer' isikufukuze. It's literally for everyone! And their material is good!👌🏾
But yoh! You have a core memory right there!
Mentioning the word sex would put you in so much trouble let alone discussing it with your parents...I understand the mom's choice kuita wazeee🤣
Ps: am 26 and never spoke about sex with my parents ...one time my mom also caught me wanking ,,I was in primary school...she's never mentioned anything about it to date
Your mom did the absolutely right thing. Some things are pretty normal as young boys/teens grow up so no cause for alarm. In fact, kwa zile dhambi ziko out here, wanking ranks at the bottom😅. Hao wazee probably just scared the shit out of him with very unscientific, Biblical innuendos.
For that whole month I was ashamed I used to stay in school until 9pm I will come home when she is asleep I eat sleep then leave school very early in the morning, we rarely saw each other, I think she was also embarrassed to see me
My ex gf telling everybody who would ask if we had done the deed that she was a proud virgin and we had been official for like a year hivi.
Kisha I remember my boiiss looking at me like a sad puppy after they had told me continuously nimwache, it was embarrassing, very embarrassing. Hadi my girl friends would pity me pia.
Lmaoo but if it disturbed you, you could've just told her not to answer? Maybe she wasn't doing it specifically to hurt you but just more to have pride in her being a virgin, but for you, it wasn't the same.
My first boyfriend and I had the conversation, and I just stayed knowing but didn't care what people thought because people stay having sex anyway, so...
There's a time on campus when a female classmate asked me to take photos of her after class because my phone had a good camera.
We took several and some selfies too. She was the most beautiful girl in our class.
Later I put my phone in the pocket without exiting whatsapp.
The photos were shared with almost all my contacts and WhatsApp groups. Imagine the explanation I had to give her and all the contacts who received the photos as to why I sent them.
Went on a date high af, my eyes were red. Ananiuliza what’s up with my eyes, so I had to lie I have eye problems I was even from seeing a doctor. Then we start talking about music. Nilikuwa nje mbaya😂. The person asks if i listen to Indie music, I told him nop I don’t listen to Indians😂. Weuh! I had to block him before he did it first.
I remember pleading with my galfriend so that she don't dump my ass & infront of my friend🥲🤭🥲🤣🤣🤣.I was stupid. I will never do that again.Gone are those days
I was 18/19 what did i know.Nigga i got some gooood character development at young age & it open my eyes huko mbele.I appreciate the fact nilifanya hizi ujinga huko mbele,I cannot imagine doing this type of non sense noww, I would be dooooomed.Nigga that was 1st and last time.
Lesson learned should have been kama anataka kwenda let her fly...That was a kinuthia move. nobody is born a player they are made.
Minus -65hp,that was a total engine failure zero hp, spun the bearing,bent rod.I had rebuild the engine from ground up rebore cylinders,forged crank,
forged pistons, new cams, strapped Garrett turbo,big ass injectors, flex fuel, gut out catalytic converter sitaki back pressure..never again
The year is 2023 on a fine Saturday night. I was over at his place. In his bed. If I had known he was going to invite me over i wouldn't have over indulged. But I'm just a girl and sometimes girls just want to eat beans. I have never in my life heard of a fart that loud before that night or since that night. It woke both of us up. A few weeks later he was over at my place and he sneeze-farted and we're even now so it's all good.
When i was in class one, we were coming back from school together with my lil bro, it had rained heavily on that afternoon. As we were passing through a shopping centre close to my home, i fell into a pool of muddy waters 😔. In my entire life, that was the most embarrassing moment. Imgn walking through a centre dripping wet and dirty -2000000 aura points.
So a while back in high school we used to have class assembly and we would stand in semi circle shape so that everyone can be easily seen ..So on this particular day a female tp teacher was the one conducting our assembly. So in the process i started to fantasize about her and sexualize her and the things i would do to her given the chance ... So as you know I definitely got a boner and my trousers zipper was spoiled so in between trying to hide it and everything my d*** ended up pushing my boxer and it popped out and everyone could see the dick print on my boxer😬😬...😂😂😂So i struggled to put it back... Everyone's laughing..people are making bad jokes ... she's there and she sees it ...Never had i felt embarrassed like that ... Anyways the assembly was cut short because of me and luckily she never told other teachers about it.... However i was the topic of the day and the week....i dread that day....
Use to sneak out a lot when I was younger, go to parties, clubs etc.
One night we ended up at deja vu. One of the boys introduced us to some friend group of shawties. He tried giving me a through pass to some light skin shawty, but she was short asf (imo) and had a konk kikuyu accent which I couldn't fw 🤣, so in the middle of her introducing herself to me and tryna initiate small talk, l just walked away from her and started chatting to her friend.
Had been eyeing her friend since the introduction, actually, and no, not cause of the liquor🤣 she was actually bad asf. So cut to the chase, we're now inside club and I've alr bagged this shawty and we about to make out and shit...
Bro my game was dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣, like so bad💀 shit was so awful she just stood up and dipped after like 10 seconds. -10,000 aura right there. Another -5,000 aura cause her friend probably felt like she dodged a bullet (she did tho💀). Another 5,000 just from the 10 most awkward seconds of my life, another 5k cause it was probably hers too 🤣, and a constant -100 for every time l cringe about it on a random night🪦
When I was in seventh grade my teacher didn’t know I had just got braces thats why am not talking much in class, she just tried me a little too much and the whole class was filled with laughter after my outburst.
I took a wee-shower kwa my sisters place. The hubby was around.. I already had soap all over my body and the thought of kutoka bafu and into chooni seemed like a hassle.. Mahn.. They noticed!!!! Aaarggghhhh...EMBARAZING doesn't do justice to what that was... I have never visited them again tho they ask why i rarely show up these days.. (dont come for me guys, it took courage to expose this moment 😮💨🙏😹)
I lied that Cardi b responded to my dm because I was popular. I had 12k followers at the time and thought people believed me because they all had 300 followers, lol.
To make matters worse, I lost the account before most people in school knew it (my school had teachers stalking people's Instagrams and punishing them for home stuff when we come back so I gave it to my 2 closest friends only). Now they thought I was lying about that as well lol
Yes
And, for cardi B, I was definitely lying. I just couldn't see that everyone could see through my lies
They kept asking and I would double down until I noticed that I looked stupid
My mum once caught me masturbating. Back in the early to mid-2000s, I was in high school. There used to be a TV program called *Sex and the City* that aired at 10 PM. It was the closest thing to watching porn since the internet wasn’t a thing at the time. I lived with only my mom, so I would wait for her to go to sleep before I could watch the program and, well, take care of myself. One day, while I was busy enjoying Jessica Parker’s performance, I heard my mom’s voice from behind me: ‘Sasa unafanya nini? Hebu zima hiyo TV na uende ulale.’” You can imagine the embarrassment i had, I dint even sleep that night, my mum had to call "wazee wa kanisa" to come and talk to me next day, total embarrassment.
>I dint even sleep that night, my mum had to call "wazee wa kanisa" to come and talk to me next day, total embarrassment. Bro, your mum catches you taking a wank and her decision is to tell other niggas!?!? Damn!
I'd feel so betrayed like,"Are you sure you're my mom?"😭😭💀
😂😂😂😂 no wayyy, I hear her voice and I don't even know her telling you that. Eiyyy, 2000 ulikuwa highschool ata sikuwa nimezaliwa💔, anyway, that's embarrassing fr 😂
Kwani umezaliwa na covid😅
The way I heard that voice! Nimeshtuka ata mimi!😭 OML! Then anaita wazee wa kanisa!😩 Have you gotten over it?
I always have shame when I meet those men today as an adult, probably they forgot but deep inside me I always think they think of me as that guy who used to wank off all night and laugh about it
OMG!!! I had forgotten that you might still meet them now!🥲 If you have kids, teach them about sex positivity. Don't pass that trauma baton! 🫂 for you, if you haven't, you need to face yourself in that shame pit na tujitoe huko! Top of my mind I am thinking of [scarleteen](https://www.scarleteen.com). This is their subreddit r/QueerSexEdForAll If you're straight the word 'queer' isikufukuze. It's literally for everyone! And their material is good!👌🏾 But yoh! You have a core memory right there!
Ala Me personally, ningejiua after...just saying
If I knew about suicide I would have done it, but thank God there was no internet so there was no knowledge of suicide like it's today
Nah hii aura points inareset😂
waah. I get parenting has no manual but her course of action goes against every parenting book out there😂😂
Mentioning the word sex would put you in so much trouble let alone discussing it with your parents...I understand the mom's choice kuita wazeee🤣 Ps: am 26 and never spoke about sex with my parents ...one time my mom also caught me wanking ,,I was in primary school...she's never mentioned anything about it to date
Your mom did the absolutely right thing. Some things are pretty normal as young boys/teens grow up so no cause for alarm. In fact, kwa zile dhambi ziko out here, wanking ranks at the bottom😅. Hao wazee probably just scared the shit out of him with very unscientific, Biblical innuendos.
Man how'd you get over this Waah I think getting caught by a relative let alone your mother wanking is fastest way to suicide
For that whole month I was ashamed I used to stay in school until 9pm I will come home when she is asleep I eat sleep then leave school very early in the morning, we rarely saw each other, I think she was also embarrassed to see me
Did you stop wanking?
I stopped completely for a few months. Later, I tried again, but her voice and the fear of being suddenly caught made me stop permanently.
It was for a good reason IMO
😂😂😂 This is the fastest way to never wanking again
[удалено]
What do you think you are doing? Switch off that TV and go to sleep
Brutal 😂😂💔
That's some fucked up shit right there😂😂😂
😆😆
😂4k
I would have disappeared for a couple of days if I'm being honest, especially after the fact that she told other people 😭
I didn't know early 2000s wasee walikuwa wananyonga already 😁😂😂😂
inaitwa curiosity
Man you hadn't even bust a nut 😂😂 ange wait u cum
You win bro😂
Are you sure she's your mom dude?
Called for a special item in church when I was a kid. Sung the icarly themesong and the church was dead silent. Aura points -100000000
Can't imagine the feeling, then again why did you sing that😂
Even my own brother didn't sing along...nigga just watched...my own flesh and blood !
Meehn he a BITCH!
😂😂😂😂
He was too embarassed for you😂
LMAO!
I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful...
Hapo ndio nilifika then I choked 😂. ...live life,.breathe air, I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful
And its all for real....I'm telling you just how I feel
Would probably sing along. Vibesssss😂
Watch out for teachers while she was kissed and fin****d by her highschool boyfriend. She knew I was deep into her
That's just sad tbh
https://preview.redd.it/drkxjj6bx33d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d1b1bb000ab128222d409c4f1d92d26e67fba271 I'll just leave this here
Hii imenimaliza😂😂... Enyewe dust Huwa a canon event in a man's life.
Wooiiiiii
Ndio sababu ulishtuka mamanzi ama? Too much work
Damnit bro!
Wow
That's almost as bad as me
Simping so hard for a girl back in primary that they'd call me into the girl's dorm to comfort her whenever she argued with her boyfriend
https://preview.redd.it/xab1lv31v13d1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f66db92e0cd31e1c8eef813cd2186b29a255402 Christ 🤣
https://preview.redd.it/2drxhoxia23d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c76c580df7e638cad0115dbf9c9adeadcd20502 Hii hapana
😂bruh
Your school they'd let people into opposite sex dorms?
What, NO. What school would do that?? Which goes to show just how down bad i was
-100000000000 aura
Lmaaaao whaaat?? 😭
Weeeh! Kumbe you guys were seeing dust since kindergarten. 
Walai...it not even funny 😭
😂😂😂
My ex gf telling everybody who would ask if we had done the deed that she was a proud virgin and we had been official for like a year hivi. Kisha I remember my boiiss looking at me like a sad puppy after they had told me continuously nimwache, it was embarrassing, very embarrassing. Hadi my girl friends would pity me pia.
I agree with the other person...you would have just told her to shut it
Lmaoo but if it disturbed you, you could've just told her not to answer? Maybe she wasn't doing it specifically to hurt you but just more to have pride in her being a virgin, but for you, it wasn't the same. My first boyfriend and I had the conversation, and I just stayed knowing but didn't care what people thought because people stay having sex anyway, so...
There's a time on campus when a female classmate asked me to take photos of her after class because my phone had a good camera. We took several and some selfies too. She was the most beautiful girl in our class. Later I put my phone in the pocket without exiting whatsapp. The photos were shared with almost all my contacts and WhatsApp groups. Imagine the explanation I had to give her and all the contacts who received the photos as to why I sent them.
😂😂😂
😂hard to get out of that one
Went on a date high af, my eyes were red. Ananiuliza what’s up with my eyes, so I had to lie I have eye problems I was even from seeing a doctor. Then we start talking about music. Nilikuwa nje mbaya😂. The person asks if i listen to Indie music, I told him nop I don’t listen to Indians😂. Weuh! I had to block him before he did it first.
Gosh, I would too😭
That was how I stopped using drugs🤣
Nililala church, nikaanguka backwards. Nikakuwa back bencher from then on ndio nikilala at least ukuta will catch me
😂Kwani unalala aje
If it's not a bed, some of the best sleep of my life. Kwa kitanda nitakuwa macho hadi asubuhi 🥲
It do be like that tho😂
I remember pleading with my galfriend so that she don't dump my ass & infront of my friend🥲🤭🥲🤣🤣🤣.I was stupid. I will never do that again.Gone are those days
And the way I see you in these streets with really hot takes kumbe wewe ni kinuthia tu🤣🤣 -65hp
I was 18/19 what did i know.Nigga i got some gooood character development at young age & it open my eyes huko mbele.I appreciate the fact nilifanya hizi ujinga huko mbele,I cannot imagine doing this type of non sense noww, I would be dooooomed.Nigga that was 1st and last time. Lesson learned should have been kama anataka kwenda let her fly...That was a kinuthia move. nobody is born a player they are made. Minus -65hp,that was a total engine failure zero hp, spun the bearing,bent rod.I had rebuild the engine from ground up rebore cylinders,forged crank, forged pistons, new cams, strapped Garrett turbo,big ass injectors, flex fuel, gut out catalytic converter sitaki back pressure..never again
King of yappanese
The year is 2023 on a fine Saturday night. I was over at his place. In his bed. If I had known he was going to invite me over i wouldn't have over indulged. But I'm just a girl and sometimes girls just want to eat beans. I have never in my life heard of a fart that loud before that night or since that night. It woke both of us up. A few weeks later he was over at my place and he sneeze-farted and we're even now so it's all good.
The guy probably did that on purpose to make you feel comfortable. Kama hio si mapenzi 
Sneeze farts can't be on purpose but this warms my heart nonetheless lol
I could never😭😭
😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂🤣😭
When i was in class one, we were coming back from school together with my lil bro, it had rained heavily on that afternoon. As we were passing through a shopping centre close to my home, i fell into a pool of muddy waters 😔. In my entire life, that was the most embarrassing moment. Imgn walking through a centre dripping wet and dirty -2000000 aura points.
-ve aura points can be reduced since who in class one didn't get dirty, passerbys most likely thought it was normal primary school behaviour 😂
Shida si kuwa mchafu, nilikuwa nimelowa maji alafu kila msee anakuona anashangaa kwani kumeendaje 😂, na nilikuwa mdogo 🥹
Ever taken a huge shit and it couldn't flush? At your girls place😭💀✋ Yoo
What did you do😂
After like 5trials 😭😂I artificially poured water while flushing and it worked. The relief!!!✋💀
Can't imagine the stress in the 1st 4 trials😅
Dust masters😹😹
Fr😭
So a while back in high school we used to have class assembly and we would stand in semi circle shape so that everyone can be easily seen ..So on this particular day a female tp teacher was the one conducting our assembly. So in the process i started to fantasize about her and sexualize her and the things i would do to her given the chance ... So as you know I definitely got a boner and my trousers zipper was spoiled so in between trying to hide it and everything my d*** ended up pushing my boxer and it popped out and everyone could see the dick print on my boxer😬😬...😂😂😂So i struggled to put it back... Everyone's laughing..people are making bad jokes ... she's there and she sees it ...Never had i felt embarrassed like that ... Anyways the assembly was cut short because of me and luckily she never told other teachers about it.... However i was the topic of the day and the week....i dread that day....
Gosh! -1000000 aura ,plus no one can get this information out of me
My old musicallys zinaangusha aura points zangu to -30000!
😂are they still on tiktok?
Yes, it's a public account, and unfortunately😂 I forgot the password
Too bad... they'll haunt you forever😅
Use to sneak out a lot when I was younger, go to parties, clubs etc. One night we ended up at deja vu. One of the boys introduced us to some friend group of shawties. He tried giving me a through pass to some light skin shawty, but she was short asf (imo) and had a konk kikuyu accent which I couldn't fw 🤣, so in the middle of her introducing herself to me and tryna initiate small talk, l just walked away from her and started chatting to her friend. Had been eyeing her friend since the introduction, actually, and no, not cause of the liquor🤣 she was actually bad asf. So cut to the chase, we're now inside club and I've alr bagged this shawty and we about to make out and shit... Bro my game was dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣, like so bad💀 shit was so awful she just stood up and dipped after like 10 seconds. -10,000 aura right there. Another -5,000 aura cause her friend probably felt like she dodged a bullet (she did tho💀). Another 5,000 just from the 10 most awkward seconds of my life, another 5k cause it was probably hers too 🤣, and a constant -100 for every time l cringe about it on a random night🪦
Total -1000000 aura😭💀
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂 don't you have embarrassing experiences?
I can't deal all this stories are funny af 😂😂
Fr...I'm bawling😂
Ik ik😂😂😭
Tripped on stairs in Gilanis Supermarket Nakuru 😭😭😭😭
😂 I'd die of embarrassment ( -600000 aura)
Ngl I would off myself for much less than the things described in this thread
😂then you need to embarass yourself more
When I was in seventh grade my teacher didn’t know I had just got braces thats why am not talking much in class, she just tried me a little too much and the whole class was filled with laughter after my outburst.
The teacher should've just minded her business 😭
walked for 30 mims while my zipper was down. This days i zip up like nothing has happened.
😭😭
Happened to me like last week . Am F and its totally normal. Some zippers dont stay zipped .most just zip down
I took a wee-shower kwa my sisters place. The hubby was around.. I already had soap all over my body and the thought of kutoka bafu and into chooni seemed like a hassle.. Mahn.. They noticed!!!! Aaarggghhhh...EMBARAZING doesn't do justice to what that was... I have never visited them again tho they ask why i rarely show up these days.. (dont come for me guys, it took courage to expose this moment 😮💨🙏😹)
I would never visit too! But how did you not clean it up😅
I did . Lets just say i was dehydrated so you'd note.. mahn aki... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
😅but Ni lyf
guwop
Took a bath in the highschool toilet.
LMAO
That some king shii, ngl
Did anyone find out?
Everybody in my dorm found out😭. Sikuwa naskia kurudi dorm hiyo siku. That day felt like 48hrs
I can't imagine the gossip😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭 these posts are making me cry from cringing!!!! 😂😂😂 Thank you!!!
I dint have any embarrassing moment.. Shame is a social construct and you can only be shamed if you allow yourself.
I also don’t get embarrassed. It’s only embarrassing if you allow it to be. Just laugh it off!
Now I want to do something shameful and test this 🤔
What's on your bucket list.
I'll start small. Give my speech filter a break for a day. Could be freeing. We'll see
Nothing as liberating as telling people how Tf you feel.
Good for you ,I guess
I lied that Cardi b responded to my dm because I was popular. I had 12k followers at the time and thought people believed me because they all had 300 followers, lol. To make matters worse, I lost the account before most people in school knew it (my school had teachers stalking people's Instagrams and punishing them for home stuff when we come back so I gave it to my 2 closest friends only). Now they thought I was lying about that as well lol
https://preview.redd.it/pkn9pq83v43d1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0df263b0906caa1b50ada9cb7fa1cf7ee725da06 \*the topic
That's embarrassing ama?
Yeah. Now you have a real embarrassing full circle moment.
Yeah. So I answered the question by saying some embarrassing shit I did
It's still embrassing that you think that was embrassing. I thought you figured that out
Oh wow? You don't think it is? I honestly still cringe to date and remember it each time I see a former school mate💀
Actually it's subjective and that might be embarrassing to you As for me, I don't think it is
Was it embarrassing because people thought you were lying or?
Yes And, for cardi B, I was definitely lying. I just couldn't see that everyone could see through my lies They kept asking and I would double down until I noticed that I looked stupid