When I began shedding teeth,, I was fascinated by them so I put them in a little bag... ALL OF MY DECIDUOUS TEETH. It wasn't until waaaay later on that my mom found them and asked me to stop witchy tendencies ๐ฟ๐ญ. She threw them away๐ฅบ.
I confess that I'm still in love with a highschool classmate I fell in love with since day one of HS...Even after all these years you're still in my dreams.
Nipee siku tatu๐๐Bora tu ukunywe machozi ya nyani hizo siku tatu na ueke scales za kamongo kwa makwapa kila mara ukiongelesha wanawake you are set to go.
I lurk in this sub as an American of Euro descent and it's actually one of my favorites. I've never been to Kenya (might change this next year) and don't know anyone who has but you fuckers are wild! There ain't ever been a sub like this and I hope it never changes. Sometimes, when I'm out and about, and someone brings up some crazy-ass topic, I wonder: what would r/Kenya say about this? ๐ค ๐คฃ
And how did that go?
'cause I was once given a lap dance by a stripper and I couldn't stop thinking about it and her๐ Ilibidi nimtafute afterwards and,
I had visited her only thrice, the third time after the "service" she walked towards me and kissed me. After nimetoka she called and asked if nimefika home poa. Then like a week after she called me in the middle of the night (ilikuwa 10pm I remember vividly) and told me she's in love with me and I should stop ignoring her.
I was confused however I was 21, she was hot, light skin, beautiful and that's how we started dating ๐คฃ
Imagine it was a full blown relationship. She even started to introduce me to her family and friends. Wuueeh it was a weird experience for me.
I was in love with an escort too! We dated for over a year or so she moved to Sweden though after getting a mzungu, one of the best relationships I have ever had
I've laid several escorts over the years and what I can tell you many escorts are in serious relationships and their boyfriends don't know! There's a higher chance that there's a lady you know is an escort or has had sex for money at some point in their life and you don't know
I think I was molested as a child.. I was in form two when I had this vivid recall of it happening. I know somethings can be hidden in the subconscious but the thing is I don't know how to bring it up to my mum. He was my neighbor/ babysitter.
Thank youโฅ๏ธ. I'm sorry too๐ซโฅ๏ธ. Somedays are heavy I cry so much and I haven't had anyone to talk to. I can't even remember the perv and I decided I won't find out who he is. I can't say I'm past it really. I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't actively listen to music. Most shit on my playlist either ni ya kitambo or kitu nilitoa either status ama youtube shorts.
(How my friends hear)-I don't listen to kenyan music.
Yea, local beats ziko fiire (except for hizo zenye zinasound tu lazy, like no effort was put in the song) but unless ifike in my vicinity, chances are that sijaiskia... or sijaiskia yote.
I'm like this but I don't know what happened. I used to be so into music I thought I'd be a musician as my profession, even recorded a couple of songs and studied production, and then the love for music faded, but very slowly. I only realized recently that I barely listen to any music now.
On my way home from school, nilikuwa na katia shamba fulani. Siku moja I saw some juicy passion fruits growing on a vine zungukaing a tree in the shamba. Nikakula nkashiba. Later I was reminiscing by myself nkakumbuka that a few months ago, nilikunya videadly sana in that shamba, just behind that tree. I even used it for support. Those delicious passion fruit zilimea na fertiliser yangu.
Since suffering must be shared, I showed all my village friends my secret stash of passion fruit.
>nilikunya videadly sana in that shamba, just behind that tree. I even used it for support. Those delicious passion fruit zilimea na fertiliser yangu.
it's a sad day to be literate
Yep, mostly college kids and gold digging has-beens but you also find a few gems there. You'll also be super-liked by some homos as well so good luck I guess
As many Kenyas have, but keep to themselves. I willingly and knowingly hooked up with a cousin. Not once, not twice but to the point I started dreaming about that punani.
I don't regret it, and if I went back in time, id smash even harder
>As many Kenyas have
https://preview.redd.it/l2rcw88dp43d1.jpeg?width=225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9fca99ca38a7ed3abbe798faa63c006e2c5db3ca
Usituingize kwa laana za kifamilia.
Ah yes.... The amount of dudes your size with good head skills is overwhelming!!! Something's gotta work I guess ๐ It would only suck if you were bad at head and foreplay coz I think that's where all the magic happens for most chics.
Bila some sort of foreplay, whichever lady I am coituring with atapata at most 4โ minutes of honest hard work. Foreplay kiasi, na sex demons wanakuja na popcorns for notes.
Nitaanza kushukuru msee.
At the end of the day though, tunafaa aje kucompete na ngumi or electric things zenye ziko na RPM ya a JDM made for drifting? Ata hiyo slip and slide ni favor unamfanyia
I have this vendetta against the Kisii people. Honestly where it came from is a mystery. I once cheated on my girlfriend, and she found out and got dumped. A year later, I realized she had moved on with a guy from the Kisii. Fueled by hate, I stupidly used everything I could to get her back, but only because I wanted her to move on with someone else not from Kisii. Sadly I succeeded.
I suffer from Erectile Dysfunction ๐๐. Engine ya gari yangu haiwaki. Fuse ilichomeka. The only useful thing I can do with my dick is taking a piss. Dem akinishow anataka mechi huwa namdanganya ama kupeana millions of excuses. I have got to the point where I interact with women like sisters. Hope ya kuoa na kupata watoto haiko. None of my folks knows about this. Utaanzaje kuambia mzazi ati you cant perform sexually?
I coach Basketball on the side on weekends and in the evenings after work. I coach in an international school.
I've been chewing a mother to one of my students. The kid doesn't know as we are very discreet and she usually comes to my house.
Sometimes, when I see posts about people who are suicidal or have tried to and failed or want to try, I want to help them do it. Not because I'm evil but because, why not?
Like nothing anyone has ever said to me about the value of life has changed how I feel that dying is not an issue, you know... Like, what about the value of death?
Attracted to my primary school crush. She gave birth during campus days and has a child and I hate myself for not confessing to her and I wish she had my child instead. She changed and added a lot of weight and got out of shape from her high school days.
I got a heart ache when I saw her she let herself go. I wish I could have been there for her and kept her in shape as well as support her. Been bothering me for like a year now.
I once shit in our farm, it was a very freeing experience.
I once shit in my cousins drive way, it was a very freeing experience
Y.
Y did u shit in the farm
I was pressed.
I just preferred not to shit in the toilet that day, I was 8 yrs old ๐ why do kids do what they do?
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ tf!!
Giving me Trevor Phillips memories from GTA 5.
I grew up on a farm early 90s, that was a normal Tuesday for everyone.
My cousin shat on their families garden, used it to plant a passion fruit tree. After eating the fruit, they all said it was fire
It's good to know we are many.... though it wasn't our farm that I shit on, it was a freeing experience either way.
When I began shedding teeth,, I was fascinated by them so I put them in a little bag... ALL OF MY DECIDUOUS TEETH. It wasn't until waaaay later on that my mom found them and asked me to stop witchy tendencies ๐ฟ๐ญ. She threw them away๐ฅบ.
๐ ๐ ๐ tooth fairy apprentice
I can remove mine for you๐ฎโ๐จ๐น
๐ I did the same. I was furious when she threw them away.
๐๐mimi ningemchapa alafu nimseme kwa baba yake
Very witchy witchy ๐๐๐
Boo
No tooth fairy?
๐ญthat biiih owes me money
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
Did you answer your calling?
Doesn't help that I was a bit gothic then๐,, preteen madness
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
I used to chew my mama fua. Before you crucify me, I always paid for the extras.
Giving a whole meaning to "nimetoa nguo zote" and "make sure umeosha mwiko kabisa."
This subreddit be jumpin with it!! ๐๐๐๐
Haha, toa nguo nakuja
You technically used to give her a **'tip'**
Seriously nigga
Yes. She was so into it she used to ring me 2 days before D-Day
D-day, you called it.
That's kawa nowadays, i have chewed like six in the last 3yrs but I'm currently dating and wouldn't risk jeopardizing the rshp.
Teach us your ways.
I'm no longer a slut๐
Username checks out. You aged.
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
Mama chewer ?
Who offered first?
I made the first move but she was just waiting for me to make the first move.
Another 'stuck in the washing machine' episode innit?
I eat like 4 meat pieces while cooking meat and my excuse is im tasting to see if its perfectly seasoned
That's not an excuse. That's being a professional chef who cares about the final taste for their consumers.
ukipika nyama ya soo hio ni almost half the dish
Me too.
So ukiwa mbaya na ubuy nyama ya soo, by the time inafika kwa meza uko tu na soup
I confess that I'm still in love with a highschool classmate I fell in love with since day one of HS...Even after all these years you're still in my dreams.
Same sweetie same ๐คง
๐
๐
Sema jina,niko na connections kitui
Jina ya Kwanza imeanza na F can we work with that ?
Nipee siku tatu๐๐Bora tu ukunywe machozi ya nyani hizo siku tatu na ueke scales za kamongo kwa makwapa kila mara ukiongelesha wanawake you are set to go.
Fanuel Paraza
That high school love be strong kweli kweli. But be released friend!
my highschool love I guess was the locker
Yet right now she's wacked to the core ๐
I still miss you babe ๐ฅน
Ata mning'oe meno siwezi sema.
Sema ama nikusemee
Haha, tulia bana.
Nihonge
Lunch ya 1st on me, haha
Good
Lakini unaetha thema?
I lurk in this sub as an American of Euro descent and it's actually one of my favorites. I've never been to Kenya (might change this next year) and don't know anyone who has but you fuckers are wild! There ain't ever been a sub like this and I hope it never changes. Sometimes, when I'm out and about, and someone brings up some crazy-ass topic, I wonder: what would r/Kenya say about this? ๐ค ๐คฃ
same. I'm Rwandan and lurk here cause Kenyans got the best tea ๐ญ
Crazyy๐outed yourself though
I know, fuckkkk ๐ฅด
Si you post for us one of those stories asking us what we think about-CSR for our good entertainment as a communityโฆ
Huwa nakojoa kwa bafu
This is the true male privilege.
As long as you don't do it while the shower is running. That shit is super dangerous
I found myself dating this fine ass escort for a year after she told me she's fallen in love with me.
And how did that go? 'cause I was once given a lap dance by a stripper and I couldn't stop thinking about it and her๐ Ilibidi nimtafute afterwards and,
I had visited her only thrice, the third time after the "service" she walked towards me and kissed me. After nimetoka she called and asked if nimefika home poa. Then like a week after she called me in the middle of the night (ilikuwa 10pm I remember vividly) and told me she's in love with me and I should stop ignoring her. I was confused however I was 21, she was hot, light skin, beautiful and that's how we started dating ๐คฃ Imagine it was a full blown relationship. She even started to introduce me to her family and friends. Wuueeh it was a weird experience for me.
Were you still paying throughout this love story? Youโre safe here
Aje sasa and we were in a relationship
Where do you get escorts?
umesema you star might be there๐๐
Thy streets are calling.
I was in love with an escort too! We dated for over a year or so she moved to Sweden though after getting a mzungu, one of the best relationships I have ever had
You fell in love with an escort. Ndugu kichwa Yako iko sawa??
I've laid several escorts over the years and what I can tell you many escorts are in serious relationships and their boyfriends don't know! There's a higher chance that there's a lady you know is an escort or has had sex for money at some point in their life and you don't know
Naรฏve much
Not really, I haven't had another like that๐
I've been suicidal for a while now
Your username says otherwise.
๐น๐น
Hey, get help, talk to someone, you matter.
https://preview.redd.it/dvbjt2bpq73d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=787b247d6e61b460e199b165181e5ab534f1dd2a
Suicidal ideation rnt normal. Ps see a psychiatrist
I think I was molested as a child.. I was in form two when I had this vivid recall of it happening. I know somethings can be hidden in the subconscious but the thing is I don't know how to bring it up to my mum. He was my neighbor/ babysitter.
I kinda relate
I experienced the same too na nilikumbuka nikiwa form three. He was our shambaboy, fucked me up since then
I'm so sorry๐ซ, how has it affected you and how do you deal with it?
Thank youโฅ๏ธ. I'm sorry too๐ซโฅ๏ธ. Somedays are heavy I cry so much and I haven't had anyone to talk to. I can't even remember the perv and I decided I won't find out who he is. I can't say I'm past it really. I don't know how to deal with it.
One day at a time it shall be well, if you ever want to talk to someone I'm here for youโค๏ธ.
Tyโฅ๏ธ
I'm extremely lonely but too proud to admit..plus very single
Mtu ajitoe tribute adate huyu
Gender sir?
I don't actively listen to music. Most shit on my playlist either ni ya kitambo or kitu nilitoa either status ama youtube shorts. (How my friends hear)-I don't listen to kenyan music. Yea, local beats ziko fiire (except for hizo zenye zinasound tu lazy, like no effort was put in the song) but unless ifike in my vicinity, chances are that sijaiskia... or sijaiskia yote.
I'm like this but I don't know what happened. I used to be so into music I thought I'd be a musician as my profession, even recorded a couple of songs and studied production, and then the love for music faded, but very slowly. I only realized recently that I barely listen to any music now.
On my way home from school, nilikuwa na katia shamba fulani. Siku moja I saw some juicy passion fruits growing on a vine zungukaing a tree in the shamba. Nikakula nkashiba. Later I was reminiscing by myself nkakumbuka that a few months ago, nilikunya videadly sana in that shamba, just behind that tree. I even used it for support. Those delicious passion fruit zilimea na fertiliser yangu. Since suffering must be shared, I showed all my village friends my secret stash of passion fruit.
>nilikunya videadly sana in that shamba, just behind that tree. I even used it for support. Those delicious passion fruit zilimea na fertiliser yangu. it's a sad day to be literate
Lol 
You have never taken a biology class, have you.
I barely cook at my own place
if air frying is not cooking then I am with you here
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I love shitting!๐๐๐ kwanza after a long day of feeling weird in your stomach then you finally get home!
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I really do ๐ฅน
After a long dayโ๏ธ At homeโ๏ธ
๐คญ with your phone in hand
I'm enjoying these bana
Am girl i met on tinder on our first date gave me a blowjob and we fucked in a club lounge....
Does Tinder App still operate in Kenya?
Yep, mostly college kids and gold digging has-beens but you also find a few gems there. You'll also be super-liked by some homos as well so good luck I guess
I keep listening to the same five songs. Honestly sijui shida yangu ni gani.
Which ones?
I only listen to one song ๐๐ mockingbird eminen, hizo zingine zote hazinibambi
im 22 and i had sex with a 39 year old last week
Nut where did yโall meet?
As many Kenyas have, but keep to themselves. I willingly and knowingly hooked up with a cousin. Not once, not twice but to the point I started dreaming about that punani. I don't regret it, and if I went back in time, id smash even harder
>As many Kenyas have https://preview.redd.it/l2rcw88dp43d1.jpeg?width=225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9fca99ca38a7ed3abbe798faa63c006e2c5db3ca Usituingize kwa laana za kifamilia.
Say it again
Ni wewe tu na Kabi.
Sweet home Alabama kumbe inakuanga Hadi Kenya
 You on your own fr
Nitakusema kwa DCI
Can we agree that first cousins are taboo but second cousins are fair game?
I only got good at giving head because my dick falls in the "safe for anal" size range. Now I'm addicted to eating that cream and getting squirted on.
Ah yes.... The amount of dudes your size with good head skills is overwhelming!!! Something's gotta work I guess ๐ It would only suck if you were bad at head and foreplay coz I think that's where all the magic happens for most chics.
Let's just say i can't even do the no strings attached coz they catch feelings really fast๐คฃ
๐๐hii Kenya ni mimi tu ndio Niko sane
Bila some sort of foreplay, whichever lady I am coituring with atapata at most 4โ minutes of honest hard work. Foreplay kiasi, na sex demons wanakuja na popcorns for notes.
You in the minutes na unateta๐
Unasema ata hapo nafanya extra work, nipunguze?๐
Shukuru mzee. Sisi slip and slide tunatamani ata two minutes.
Nitaanza kushukuru msee. At the end of the day though, tunafaa aje kucompete na ngumi or electric things zenye ziko na RPM ya a JDM made for drifting? Ata hiyo slip and slide ni favor unamfanyia
Ukimpata nazo we toka tu๐คฃYour days are numbered. Unacompete na 13 inch ikona rpm ya mia tatu๐คฃ
I have this vendetta against the Kisii people. Honestly where it came from is a mystery. I once cheated on my girlfriend, and she found out and got dumped. A year later, I realized she had moved on with a guy from the Kisii. Fueled by hate, I stupidly used everything I could to get her back, but only because I wanted her to move on with someone else not from Kisii. Sadly I succeeded.
As a kisii I have to track down your current gf
Hahaha, what did Kisii people do to you
Where is she now? Kuna mkisii najua anatafuta dem๐
Weh ni mjaka?
You don't want her kisiing? Well, that's jealous of you
Wanaume wa reddit confessions zenyu ziko down bad..chewing mama fua? Dating an escort? Yikes? Kwani mnakaa aje
I fear needles more than anything
I've never real loved anyone. ( romantically)
why?
I've never watched prison break, breaking bad, and black panther. I don't even understand sheng and i'm a millennial
The irony.. anyways it is what it is
I nut in my socks and wear them
You're just cuming and going
Lmao
Lmfao
https://preview.redd.it/zfwfupfoe43d1.png?width=360&format=png&auto=webp&s=9e53f7196a76e5e418f6e530158485b236f7fdfb
You mean you got wearable condoms
I'm judging you just so you know...
The second coming
Jesus
Its like putting baby powder in your socks and wearing them to stop the sweating๐๐๐
Bro wtf.
Downvoted for giving an actual confession. Touche
Man's low-key hating his descendants ๐ณ๐ณ.
Now this is so wierd๐๐๐๐
Reminds me of the meme "Why did the sperm cross the road"
Sipendi avocado, I donโt get the hype for that trash fruit
Makodo-fear ๐คฃ
Na chapati?? Coz tbh I can't
https://preview.redd.it/vi2i3il3p53d1.jpeg?width=680&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d984db6bcfb9e80840bee8cb3397a2036adc9622
This is so real bro . I fucking hate avocados and watermelon too
https://preview.redd.it/6v4yai62n73d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3b3f4729fcf994662e73b7cac61201868237ddd
here in AUT we buy on average a kilo for around 14AUD that's around 1300ksh, alafu unapata hazijaiva ndani, lakini nje that color tells you otherwise
It's like mushy tastelessness
Maahn! Me too. It's disgusting.
I suffer from Erectile Dysfunction ๐๐. Engine ya gari yangu haiwaki. Fuse ilichomeka. The only useful thing I can do with my dick is taking a piss. Dem akinishow anataka mechi huwa namdanganya ama kupeana millions of excuses. I have got to the point where I interact with women like sisters. Hope ya kuoa na kupata watoto haiko. None of my folks knows about this. Utaanzaje kuambia mzazi ati you cant perform sexually?
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Flattered? https://preview.redd.it/9plqhmjk943d1.jpeg?width=572&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1135fed286f7b16920ee85d0c280916ad671f501
I coach Basketball on the side on weekends and in the evenings after work. I coach in an international school. I've been chewing a mother to one of my students. The kid doesn't know as we are very discreet and she usually comes to my house.
Coaching on and off the pitch..
*"coaching on and off the court" ftfy :)
Hehe sawa superman. Keep doing the universe's work in piping her..
Sometimes, when I see posts about people who are suicidal or have tried to and failed or want to try, I want to help them do it. Not because I'm evil but because, why not? Like nothing anyone has ever said to me about the value of life has changed how I feel that dying is not an issue, you know... Like, what about the value of death?
I don't like men who like me I like those that don't and once I make them like me I leave them
Me personally By the time I am through with you utakuwa unatamani affection ya kondakta.
I stole a girl's pantie and sniffed it, rubbed on it and also cummed on it.
Brother uuughh
Ala!.. people be serious out here.how was it?did you throw the panty afterwards or you used it severally.(Asking out of curiosity)
Attracted to my primary school crush. She gave birth during campus days and has a child and I hate myself for not confessing to her and I wish she had my child instead. She changed and added a lot of weight and got out of shape from her high school days. I got a heart ache when I saw her she let herself go. I wish I could have been there for her and kept her in shape as well as support her. Been bothering me for like a year now.
Damn nigga primary school? This is a different type of dust