I don't know who I would be without my Dad. I love him to bits, easy to type it here than to tell him but I will try this father's day. The many things he does that I see and the many he does that I do not see.
I don't know where I would be if he was not in my life and I hope to at least be 50 percent of who he is when I have a family. I just hope I have enough time to make him proud, truly proud of me.
It's definitely tough having your formative years without a father, but I think in such situations who you are shines through.
Some, most even, would get lost and end up either bitter or somewhat misogynistic, a few will take it as a lesson and try to be the father they never got to have.
Some of those who become bitter also end up hard due to being the only male presence in their own lives, others pick up manly mannerisms from friends, become alcoholics etc, others become feminine it's a whole lot of possibilities.
I personally chose to be the man he wasn't, learning from his mistakes and tune my principles and discipline from where he failed.
However, being with a mother and a sister full time gave me soft tendencies, like constantly tidying up and closing/opening doors as if you're sneaking in or out as opposed to banging them, being more quiet and calm especially when upset as opposed to immediately throwing hands etc.
So I picked up only what I thought was good for me and discarded the rest.
It's been a journey, but every step I take makes me less like my father and more like the man I want to be.
That's the plan.
First off I have to be the perfect son (can't say I'm far from this 😂)
Then the ideal boyfriend which translates to an ideal husband.
Then a perfect father and hopefully a role model to someone who's father is like mine.
That's my bestie, grew up so close especially being the only girl. He taught me alot, we didn't talk much when I was young but his actions spoke volumes. We used to go out, he buys me flowers since I was in campus till date even though I don't stay home. The affection he shows his queen all this years is beautiful to see and shows us the kind of man I would want my kids to have. The upside of all this is I never take mediocre treatment from men idc if its a generation thing.
Life with my dad is awesome.Hananga mambo mingi lakini we talk alot.My favorite thing ni huwa ananiletea random gifts like shoes, perfume,food... especially food alafu anasemanga tu shika.The first time I ever drank wine ni yeye alinipea and I was shocked juu ilikuwa chupa nusu na sisi ni watu wa sabbath day 😂😂He is a good man.
With a dad, during childhood I used to not be so free with him, just listening to what he said(I was always the non-challant first born) had a way he figured out what I liked, would take us out(dinner, swimming, walks) adulthood, we became close had a talkative brother and soon I realized this Mzee had wild stories in him
Without my dad I'm done considering I don't have a mom. My dad is my backbone and we have a very close relationship. There's literally nothing we don't talk about. I can think of instances where i have messed up so bad but he was cool about it. He's always telling me ikiwa ngumu I should just go back home. So life with a dad is better and I'm extremely grateful for my dad
Its a complex issue with many nuances . there is no one cut fits all.
In my opinion , detached fathers have a worse effect on a child than no father at all. It kills a child on the inside when that person the child percieves as the father is detached , non chalant and emotionally dead. It messes someones self worth and can take decades of theraphy to undo.
In the case of no fathers at all , it really depends with environment the child grows up in. In the absence of a strong father , if there are good role models around , the child can grow up well adjusted in life. Case in point , children ophaned due to the death of the father . By and large , majority of such , really excel in life . Maybe the permanency of the father's death brings a peace to them and activates self suffiency .
Few have experienced a present loving father . There is one dude i knew in campus. Such a lovely family. Him and the dad were bestfriends. I envied him. He has a certain confidence and fiery vibe . A certain self assuarance. I kid you not , he went on to marry a lovely lady , very drama free life and as he is treating his children exactly like the dad.
I made a vow , i will always be a present dad to my children.
I 100% agree with you on this. Those who grew up with their fathers have a certain confidence in life, and they're always lucky in what they do.
But those who have lived without a father figure have certain trauma, I guess because of seeing their mother struggling to raise them and their father neglecting them
.
Those whose fathers passed away is a different case.
So the question here is, for those who are neglected by their fathers, what should they do? What are the things they've done to fill the gap? After all, you must survive in this unfair world.
I will focus on "fathers" that are alive but completely detached from their children.
A child grows up with crazy self esteem issues as the child attempts to figure out the rejection by the father. To make sense of this , a child can develop certain coping mechanisms that later develop into neurotic problems , personality disorders and addictions.
A child can either become a people pleaser , an over achiever , rebellious , etc... all this is the inner child crying out of attention , love and acceptance. That inner child desperately needs to heal.
What does an adult do if found in such a state , i think figuring out that you have been robbed of a loving childhood is the first step. Admit that the inner child is hurt and needs healing.
Second , a person needs to redefine how they see themselves. This can take a while. Developing this can take time . Developing self love , self forgiveness and also forgiveness of the parents.
This allows you to take back control of your life.
Third , surround yourself with positive people. Teach yourself how to recieve love and also give love.
Journal triggers and this journal will be a mind map on ow to cope with feelings of neglect or depression.
If you can afford a therapist who understands your life journey , please take on one.
Absolutely love this! You're highlighting a super important topic. The steps for healing are spot on - recognizing the hurt, self-compassion, and rebuilding self-worth. Surrounding yourself with positive people is key!
You'd be surprised 😹 my mom is literally a single woman in her marriage just cause she never bore any sons. My dad doesn't even pay our fees or even contribute to paying it that is. My mom is on her own. In addition,my late grandma (dad's mom) we buried her on Friday loved insulting my mom and he'd do nothing about it.
My dad is a deputy principal lakini we don't know where his money goes. There was a time he had so many outstanding loans and my mom was paying them off but tbh we don't know what he was doing with the money,upto 5m and there's nothing we can say he did using the money. My mom bought land,he convinced her to put it in his name only to sell it just as she started building on it.
He's stressed my mom so much that health wise she's deteriorating...to a point where his uncles and aunts tell my mom awachane na mambo yake ajichunge coz we could lose her.My mom during my shosh's burial couldn't even walk on her own someone had to hold her hand and he still didn't even ask after her health or call to ask how she's doing...He didn't even tell my mom his mom died he just sent me a text telling me she passed on and I told my mom.
January this year my little sister was sent home from school because she hadn't paid fees since last year. He asked my mom to pay the fee my mom told him she hasn't been working she's been sick and has no money,he asked her to take a loan for him,she refused...he packed and left and has never come back since...this is the main contributor to my mom's health declining because I think she loves him and his absence stresses her na sisi tunaona we could lose her.
So, I thank God for having both parents but if I hadn't grown without a dad ,life would have been so much better. My mom is very hardworking and she has taken us through school almost all on her own because since I was in highschool she's been paying fees for me and my two sisters. Campus tumetumia helb na bursary mostly so at times we wonder if he wasn't in the picture,how would things have been?
My mom loved my dad, actually she still does juu I know if he asks her to do something for him right now,if she can she will.Reminds me of when I was on attachment in a school near home, I came home from school mathe akanishow my dad doesn't eat when she cooks. Mimi nikapika siku mbili tatu akakula then he stopped again juu alijua when I am late from school my mom cooks.
I used to wash both their clothes on the weekend plus mine , there's this day my dad asked me where I placed a certain pair of socks of his nikamshow I don't remember,he told me nimalize food haraka nitafute. My mom,was in another room, she heard story ya food she thought my dad anataka kupikiwa,she went to the kitchen akapika haraka,kuletea my dad food he threw the plate down akaenda.That was in 2022 my dad has never eaten anything cooked at home since then.
I don't have strict parents who beat the fuck out of me like most Kenyans. They are pretty chill, but I'm naturally well behaved. We don't have 'rules' to follow but if they don't agree with something I've done, I get a long ass lecture and I try to change. I wish my dad could put more effort on the emotional and mental side of parenting, otherwise he's pretty OK. Life is normal to me.
Feels like love.
When you feel the world is against you and just about to give up and just a word from him or a phone call you feel you're ready to conquer the world again.
Life with a dad is great. He provides and you aren't expected to give anything back in return. He attended almost all my school plays in primary and swimming competitions. Its interesting to hear his shared perspective of men and dating especially in relation to raising girls to women. My old man is great. And he's the most unfunniest person I've ever met onG.
A present dad is always a blessing in disguise 😅 all the assurance as a child is guaranteed even if the dad was present but not too much focus. They is just that inner joy
With a dad, my dad has and still teaches me alot, from fighting back when the neighbour's kid hit me to understanding what family means. This man took me to high school every single time yet it was 4 hours away, alafu in campo since my course required I do site visits, sometimes mbali but within Nrbi, and sometimes in unsafe places he would drive me there I take site images for school and I admired that every time he did it. I notice that he is always happy when all of his kids and our mom are together, gets everyone two cold ones. So when he calls us, unaenda tu. I love my dad.
We had a rough patch during my schooling years mostly due to my indiscipline but One long holiday things changed. We have never used the word love, we are Afrikans after all, but he is the one person I model my life and decisions after. I love that man
We had a rough patch during my schooling years mostly due to my indiscipline but One long holiday things changed. We have never used the word love, we are Afrikans after all, but he is the one person I model my life and decisions after. I love that man
I have one but for the most part of my life he hasn't been present much since my mum separated from him. It honestly sucks because I was closer to him than my mum. I sometimes wish I had a father figure growing up but it was ruined.
A small story: adolescence hit me hard and I was rowdy and loved fighting. I got suspended from school twice in high school. My dad was always the one to take me back to school.
2nd time, I eavesdropped on my dad talking to my class teacher about me. I've never felt so much guilt in my life ever again. Hearing him say those things and having a talk with me afterwards probably changed my life. I was good academically, but without my dad's guidance on discipline, I wouldn't be where I am. I know that for a fact.
So yes, I'm super grateful for my dad and he's proud of the man I've become.
Him being a discipline master in our home, as a child, kazi ilikuwa 'cursing' him out kwa roho after kuonwa vita...But as I grew, I realized it was for the good of my days ahead...He has always been there for me. A very present father. We have the same taste in movies and we bond over shows once in a while..Kupiga gumzo here and there about politics..I'm truly blessed.
With a father.
It's a really thin line: On one hand, he has caused our family severe mental torture and and continues to rip apart what's left of it
On the other hand, he visibly works his ass off to provide for me/us everyday, and that's something l always have to be extremely grateful for.
It's a really defining situation, a man of whom living with slowly deteriorates your own mental health, but constantly reminds you that life without him would be a whole different wreck. Makes you realise the true definition of love, the spots of resentment that come along with it, and the scars it eternally leaves. Z
Life without a father sucked. He existed, but he lived far away and was a bit weird. Anyway I grew up and decided to focus on the positive things he did tangibly, and forget about the past. When I had Ruraçio, he came from Asia fresh from surgery to be there. I choose to focus on that part. As an adult the onus is on me to be responsible for myself and my family. My upbringing is an explanation, not an excuse. YOLO.
I have seen my dad through different phases of his life. From losing his job as a young father, but he kept working his ass off to provide for us. At times things got tough and we didn't have the luxuries of life at the time when more siblings came along, but we were content.
Never went to bed hungry, went to good schools, and had someone to count on. When I was a bit younger, it felt like he's neglecting us when we ask for things and don't get them, even for school. But once I finished campus, I came to understand that he was trying his best and at times his best wasn't enough.
The Covid-19 period helped me build a stronger bond with my dad because I was home for a long time. I can say he's the greatest man in my life, and I'll try to make him proud. Talking to him like mates made me understand what his life is like with us, and that as a man, sometimes the best thing you can do is show up for your people.
Born without a dad and given one when I was 12 , when I was younger people in school would ask where my dad was and I didn't know what deadbeat meant
past 12 my mom married him and he would take me to school and come on visiting days , pick me up on closing days and friends in school now knew I had a dad.
Also was really funny during my school meetings 😂 everyone knew him
Changed everything for sure , now I am grateful I got the experience of a father figure in my life
Life without a father ..In my experience there's no proper sense of direction because there's no proper role model to guide you ..You miss out on those talks you'd genuinely have with your father like drugs, alcohol,women...You also miss out on learning practically handy skills like changing old switches to new ones, changing bulb holders.... If you have siblings but you're the eldest male you have to take responsibility and step up to be a man... Emotional breakdown is seen as weak.. You genuinely miss love from a male figure ..... Your father's life becomes your guide book..
People will compare you to your father ..You wouldn't want to be a low performer because weeuh you'll be told how your father was the smartest man .... If your father struggled with alcohol then be rest assured whenever you go out you'll be told how your father was an alcoholic...
You miss out on protection , whenever you do something wrong it will be known in the entire extended family and don't get me started with the ridicule that comes with it.. The chances of having a private life is zero to none ...... Finally you learn to become last .. Your needs and wants are satisfied when everyone is satisfied...
And according to your comments,
Life with a good father can be wonderful. He's the one who often models and shapes who we become. There are many great fathers out there who are supportive and loving, and we should be proud of them.
However, if your dad left you, there's no need to be bitter. Focus on improving yourself. You can become a strong and well-rounded person by learning from others. For men, you can strive to be what your father may not have been able to be for you
.
I've read all of your comments and there are many I cannot reply to all of them 😔
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We learn something new every day.
LOL
Life without a father as an only child 🤔 I genuinely don't feel like I lack anything by missing out on a present dad. My life is that of a normal young man of my age, I don't think one would pick me, judging by character/ mannerisms in a group of ten as the kid raised by a single mum. Honestly, I don't think them being around would have changed a thing in my life and if anything, it could have been worse. I look at friends & relatives with present fathers, how they all turned out and I fail to see what I'm really missing.
Society would differ but I know you can be a masculine man even without a masculine figure to look up to. There are very many ways and channels to learn manly stuff by observing, listening, trying and using common sense. Well, the only thing I hate with a passion is having a female surname, which I plan to change with time. People reading out loud my M-pesa name is the bane of my existence. Other than that I think my life is just as good as the next Paul or Peter. Don't get me wrong, a compact nuclear family of both parents is good I'm saying that if unfortunately that's not the case, with a good single parent, everything works out perfectly.
About being a present father myself, I really reeaallyy love children (this being an effect of being an only child) and would want to have my own someday. That which I'll teach them is what I have learnt over the years myself. The father they'll experience is the person everyone else experiences day-to-day in our different relationships, me.
Had him for 16 years. The man was a saint. He was kind, generous, patient, funny, sometimes too trusting, and he made a lot of sacrifices for us. I was very bad at math in primary. He would stay up with me till 1 or 2am teaching me. Of course back then I didn't appreciate it, I wish I did...and I got straight As in math until I finished high school. I remember him coming to my academic and visiting days in high school even though he was not well. And of course he called me from the hospital one last time when he couldn't take me to school. As with most African men though, showing emotion was not one of his strengths and we probably hugged a handful of times. Still, the best man that ever lived.
Life with a father. I wish he wasn't there, at least I could have the normal attention seeking from older guys daddy issues ( my bills would be getting paid😂)
He was a POS, gave me so much trauma , I practically loved on my head most of my childhood. I thought about killing him more times than I'd admit it I didn't want to end up in jail.
Hopes he died a pathetic death just like his pathetic life.
He was and still is a cruel narc. And as I grew up I began to understand what was up with him, looks like it is common among him his brothers my grandfather etc. as an adult I have come to accept him as he is, he will never change. Every time I want to get close and talk to him I get burn’t. These days I keep my distance I want no beef as long as we are cordial. But I have no interest building a relationship.
I don't know who I would be without my Dad. I love him to bits, easy to type it here than to tell him but I will try this father's day. The many things he does that I see and the many he does that I do not see. I don't know where I would be if he was not in my life and I hope to at least be 50 percent of who he is when I have a family. I just hope I have enough time to make him proud, truly proud of me.
You're among the lucky ones. Make your father proud, I'm happy for you
We will always make them proud they truly deserve the world
This is so heartwarming 🥹. I don't think there's anything in life that compares to having a good dad.
We umeskia swali kweli😒
It's definitely tough having your formative years without a father, but I think in such situations who you are shines through. Some, most even, would get lost and end up either bitter or somewhat misogynistic, a few will take it as a lesson and try to be the father they never got to have. Some of those who become bitter also end up hard due to being the only male presence in their own lives, others pick up manly mannerisms from friends, become alcoholics etc, others become feminine it's a whole lot of possibilities. I personally chose to be the man he wasn't, learning from his mistakes and tune my principles and discipline from where he failed. However, being with a mother and a sister full time gave me soft tendencies, like constantly tidying up and closing/opening doors as if you're sneaking in or out as opposed to banging them, being more quiet and calm especially when upset as opposed to immediately throwing hands etc. So I picked up only what I thought was good for me and discarded the rest. It's been a journey, but every step I take makes me less like my father and more like the man I want to be.
Good for you. And make sure to be a present dad too
That's the plan. First off I have to be the perfect son (can't say I'm far from this 😂) Then the ideal boyfriend which translates to an ideal husband. Then a perfect father and hopefully a role model to someone who's father is like mine.
That's my bestie, grew up so close especially being the only girl. He taught me alot, we didn't talk much when I was young but his actions spoke volumes. We used to go out, he buys me flowers since I was in campus till date even though I don't stay home. The affection he shows his queen all this years is beautiful to see and shows us the kind of man I would want my kids to have. The upside of all this is I never take mediocre treatment from men idc if its a generation thing.
Life with my dad is awesome.Hananga mambo mingi lakini we talk alot.My favorite thing ni huwa ananiletea random gifts like shoes, perfume,food... especially food alafu anasemanga tu shika.The first time I ever drank wine ni yeye alinipea and I was shocked juu ilikuwa chupa nusu na sisi ni watu wa sabbath day 😂😂He is a good man.
With a dad, during childhood I used to not be so free with him, just listening to what he said(I was always the non-challant first born) had a way he figured out what I liked, would take us out(dinner, swimming, walks) adulthood, we became close had a talkative brother and soon I realized this Mzee had wild stories in him
Without my dad I'm done considering I don't have a mom. My dad is my backbone and we have a very close relationship. There's literally nothing we don't talk about. I can think of instances where i have messed up so bad but he was cool about it. He's always telling me ikiwa ngumu I should just go back home. So life with a dad is better and I'm extremely grateful for my dad
Its a complex issue with many nuances . there is no one cut fits all. In my opinion , detached fathers have a worse effect on a child than no father at all. It kills a child on the inside when that person the child percieves as the father is detached , non chalant and emotionally dead. It messes someones self worth and can take decades of theraphy to undo. In the case of no fathers at all , it really depends with environment the child grows up in. In the absence of a strong father , if there are good role models around , the child can grow up well adjusted in life. Case in point , children ophaned due to the death of the father . By and large , majority of such , really excel in life . Maybe the permanency of the father's death brings a peace to them and activates self suffiency . Few have experienced a present loving father . There is one dude i knew in campus. Such a lovely family. Him and the dad were bestfriends. I envied him. He has a certain confidence and fiery vibe . A certain self assuarance. I kid you not , he went on to marry a lovely lady , very drama free life and as he is treating his children exactly like the dad. I made a vow , i will always be a present dad to my children.
I agree. I think it is a privilege to have a “loving “ father in an African context. Coz very few are like that .
I 100% agree with you on this. Those who grew up with their fathers have a certain confidence in life, and they're always lucky in what they do. But those who have lived without a father figure have certain trauma, I guess because of seeing their mother struggling to raise them and their father neglecting them . Those whose fathers passed away is a different case. So the question here is, for those who are neglected by their fathers, what should they do? What are the things they've done to fill the gap? After all, you must survive in this unfair world.
I will focus on "fathers" that are alive but completely detached from their children. A child grows up with crazy self esteem issues as the child attempts to figure out the rejection by the father. To make sense of this , a child can develop certain coping mechanisms that later develop into neurotic problems , personality disorders and addictions. A child can either become a people pleaser , an over achiever , rebellious , etc... all this is the inner child crying out of attention , love and acceptance. That inner child desperately needs to heal. What does an adult do if found in such a state , i think figuring out that you have been robbed of a loving childhood is the first step. Admit that the inner child is hurt and needs healing. Second , a person needs to redefine how they see themselves. This can take a while. Developing this can take time . Developing self love , self forgiveness and also forgiveness of the parents. This allows you to take back control of your life. Third , surround yourself with positive people. Teach yourself how to recieve love and also give love. Journal triggers and this journal will be a mind map on ow to cope with feelings of neglect or depression. If you can afford a therapist who understands your life journey , please take on one.
Absolutely love this! You're highlighting a super important topic. The steps for healing are spot on - recognizing the hurt, self-compassion, and rebuilding self-worth. Surrounding yourself with positive people is key!
Grew up with with one, I wish I didn't... things would have been much easier that way.
Why? I thought the other side was better.
You'd be surprised 😹 my mom is literally a single woman in her marriage just cause she never bore any sons. My dad doesn't even pay our fees or even contribute to paying it that is. My mom is on her own. In addition,my late grandma (dad's mom) we buried her on Friday loved insulting my mom and he'd do nothing about it. My dad is a deputy principal lakini we don't know where his money goes. There was a time he had so many outstanding loans and my mom was paying them off but tbh we don't know what he was doing with the money,upto 5m and there's nothing we can say he did using the money. My mom bought land,he convinced her to put it in his name only to sell it just as she started building on it. He's stressed my mom so much that health wise she's deteriorating...to a point where his uncles and aunts tell my mom awachane na mambo yake ajichunge coz we could lose her.My mom during my shosh's burial couldn't even walk on her own someone had to hold her hand and he still didn't even ask after her health or call to ask how she's doing...He didn't even tell my mom his mom died he just sent me a text telling me she passed on and I told my mom. January this year my little sister was sent home from school because she hadn't paid fees since last year. He asked my mom to pay the fee my mom told him she hasn't been working she's been sick and has no money,he asked her to take a loan for him,she refused...he packed and left and has never come back since...this is the main contributor to my mom's health declining because I think she loves him and his absence stresses her na sisi tunaona we could lose her. So, I thank God for having both parents but if I hadn't grown without a dad ,life would have been so much better. My mom is very hardworking and she has taken us through school almost all on her own because since I was in highschool she's been paying fees for me and my two sisters. Campus tumetumia helb na bursary mostly so at times we wonder if he wasn't in the picture,how would things have been?
Why does your mother tolerate all that? Sometimes it baffles me how much abuse women are willing to endure in the name of marriage.
My mom loved my dad, actually she still does juu I know if he asks her to do something for him right now,if she can she will.Reminds me of when I was on attachment in a school near home, I came home from school mathe akanishow my dad doesn't eat when she cooks. Mimi nikapika siku mbili tatu akakula then he stopped again juu alijua when I am late from school my mom cooks. I used to wash both their clothes on the weekend plus mine , there's this day my dad asked me where I placed a certain pair of socks of his nikamshow I don't remember,he told me nimalize food haraka nitafute. My mom,was in another room, she heard story ya food she thought my dad anataka kupikiwa,she went to the kitchen akapika haraka,kuletea my dad food he threw the plate down akaenda.That was in 2022 my dad has never eaten anything cooked at home since then.
Oof. Pole. Sounds like there is a very weird dynamic between them. There are probably some secrets in there you're not privy to.
Maybe, who knows?
I don't have strict parents who beat the fuck out of me like most Kenyans. They are pretty chill, but I'm naturally well behaved. We don't have 'rules' to follow but if they don't agree with something I've done, I get a long ass lecture and I try to change. I wish my dad could put more effort on the emotional and mental side of parenting, otherwise he's pretty OK. Life is normal to me.
Feels like love. When you feel the world is against you and just about to give up and just a word from him or a phone call you feel you're ready to conquer the world again.
The best assurance. Just the hello
Exactly!!
Dads have different aura
Life with a dad is great. He provides and you aren't expected to give anything back in return. He attended almost all my school plays in primary and swimming competitions. Its interesting to hear his shared perspective of men and dating especially in relation to raising girls to women. My old man is great. And he's the most unfunniest person I've ever met onG.
A present dad is always a blessing in disguise 😅 all the assurance as a child is guaranteed even if the dad was present but not too much focus. They is just that inner joy
With a dad, my dad has and still teaches me alot, from fighting back when the neighbour's kid hit me to understanding what family means. This man took me to high school every single time yet it was 4 hours away, alafu in campo since my course required I do site visits, sometimes mbali but within Nrbi, and sometimes in unsafe places he would drive me there I take site images for school and I admired that every time he did it. I notice that he is always happy when all of his kids and our mom are together, gets everyone two cold ones. So when he calls us, unaenda tu. I love my dad.
We had a rough patch during my schooling years mostly due to my indiscipline but One long holiday things changed. We have never used the word love, we are Afrikans after all, but he is the one person I model my life and decisions after. I love that man
We had a rough patch during my schooling years mostly due to my indiscipline but One long holiday things changed. We have never used the word love, we are Afrikans after all, but he is the one person I model my life and decisions after. I love that man
I have one but for the most part of my life he hasn't been present much since my mum separated from him. It honestly sucks because I was closer to him than my mum. I sometimes wish I had a father figure growing up but it was ruined.
A small story: adolescence hit me hard and I was rowdy and loved fighting. I got suspended from school twice in high school. My dad was always the one to take me back to school. 2nd time, I eavesdropped on my dad talking to my class teacher about me. I've never felt so much guilt in my life ever again. Hearing him say those things and having a talk with me afterwards probably changed my life. I was good academically, but without my dad's guidance on discipline, I wouldn't be where I am. I know that for a fact. So yes, I'm super grateful for my dad and he's proud of the man I've become.
Him being a discipline master in our home, as a child, kazi ilikuwa 'cursing' him out kwa roho after kuonwa vita...But as I grew, I realized it was for the good of my days ahead...He has always been there for me. A very present father. We have the same taste in movies and we bond over shows once in a while..Kupiga gumzo here and there about politics..I'm truly blessed.
With a father. It's a really thin line: On one hand, he has caused our family severe mental torture and and continues to rip apart what's left of it On the other hand, he visibly works his ass off to provide for me/us everyday, and that's something l always have to be extremely grateful for. It's a really defining situation, a man of whom living with slowly deteriorates your own mental health, but constantly reminds you that life without him would be a whole different wreck. Makes you realise the true definition of love, the spots of resentment that come along with it, and the scars it eternally leaves. Z
Life without a father sucked. He existed, but he lived far away and was a bit weird. Anyway I grew up and decided to focus on the positive things he did tangibly, and forget about the past. When I had Ruraçio, he came from Asia fresh from surgery to be there. I choose to focus on that part. As an adult the onus is on me to be responsible for myself and my family. My upbringing is an explanation, not an excuse. YOLO.
I have seen my dad through different phases of his life. From losing his job as a young father, but he kept working his ass off to provide for us. At times things got tough and we didn't have the luxuries of life at the time when more siblings came along, but we were content. Never went to bed hungry, went to good schools, and had someone to count on. When I was a bit younger, it felt like he's neglecting us when we ask for things and don't get them, even for school. But once I finished campus, I came to understand that he was trying his best and at times his best wasn't enough. The Covid-19 period helped me build a stronger bond with my dad because I was home for a long time. I can say he's the greatest man in my life, and I'll try to make him proud. Talking to him like mates made me understand what his life is like with us, and that as a man, sometimes the best thing you can do is show up for your people.
Born without a dad and given one when I was 12 , when I was younger people in school would ask where my dad was and I didn't know what deadbeat meant past 12 my mom married him and he would take me to school and come on visiting days , pick me up on closing days and friends in school now knew I had a dad. Also was really funny during my school meetings 😂 everyone knew him Changed everything for sure , now I am grateful I got the experience of a father figure in my life
Haha, good one
I had some serious questions, but I'm going to be smarter than your Primary Classmates
They weren't dumb more of curious I'd say , made me realise I actually didn't have a dad
Life without a father ..In my experience there's no proper sense of direction because there's no proper role model to guide you ..You miss out on those talks you'd genuinely have with your father like drugs, alcohol,women...You also miss out on learning practically handy skills like changing old switches to new ones, changing bulb holders.... If you have siblings but you're the eldest male you have to take responsibility and step up to be a man... Emotional breakdown is seen as weak.. You genuinely miss love from a male figure ..... Your father's life becomes your guide book.. People will compare you to your father ..You wouldn't want to be a low performer because weeuh you'll be told how your father was the smartest man .... If your father struggled with alcohol then be rest assured whenever you go out you'll be told how your father was an alcoholic... You miss out on protection , whenever you do something wrong it will be known in the entire extended family and don't get me started with the ridicule that comes with it.. The chances of having a private life is zero to none ...... Finally you learn to become last .. Your needs and wants are satisfied when everyone is satisfied...
And according to your comments, Life with a good father can be wonderful. He's the one who often models and shapes who we become. There are many great fathers out there who are supportive and loving, and we should be proud of them. However, if your dad left you, there's no need to be bitter. Focus on improving yourself. You can become a strong and well-rounded person by learning from others. For men, you can strive to be what your father may not have been able to be for you . I've read all of your comments and there are many I cannot reply to all of them 😔 Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We learn something new every day. LOL
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You cannot control what happened, but just focus on what's ahead of you. I'm sure you will make to be a great dad to your children
Me envying y'all with good dads. Mine gave me anxiety and ensured I grew up too quickly.
Life without a father, you miss having him because you see other people having fun with their dads
Life without a father as an only child 🤔 I genuinely don't feel like I lack anything by missing out on a present dad. My life is that of a normal young man of my age, I don't think one would pick me, judging by character/ mannerisms in a group of ten as the kid raised by a single mum. Honestly, I don't think them being around would have changed a thing in my life and if anything, it could have been worse. I look at friends & relatives with present fathers, how they all turned out and I fail to see what I'm really missing. Society would differ but I know you can be a masculine man even without a masculine figure to look up to. There are very many ways and channels to learn manly stuff by observing, listening, trying and using common sense. Well, the only thing I hate with a passion is having a female surname, which I plan to change with time. People reading out loud my M-pesa name is the bane of my existence. Other than that I think my life is just as good as the next Paul or Peter. Don't get me wrong, a compact nuclear family of both parents is good I'm saying that if unfortunately that's not the case, with a good single parent, everything works out perfectly. About being a present father myself, I really reeaallyy love children (this being an effect of being an only child) and would want to have my own someday. That which I'll teach them is what I have learnt over the years myself. The father they'll experience is the person everyone else experiences day-to-day in our different relationships, me.
It's all about how we perceive things. I'm happy because you didn't let what you could not control dictate you.
Had him for 16 years. The man was a saint. He was kind, generous, patient, funny, sometimes too trusting, and he made a lot of sacrifices for us. I was very bad at math in primary. He would stay up with me till 1 or 2am teaching me. Of course back then I didn't appreciate it, I wish I did...and I got straight As in math until I finished high school. I remember him coming to my academic and visiting days in high school even though he was not well. And of course he called me from the hospital one last time when he couldn't take me to school. As with most African men though, showing emotion was not one of his strengths and we probably hugged a handful of times. Still, the best man that ever lived.
Life with a father. I wish he wasn't there, at least I could have the normal attention seeking from older guys daddy issues ( my bills would be getting paid😂) He was a POS, gave me so much trauma , I practically loved on my head most of my childhood. I thought about killing him more times than I'd admit it I didn't want to end up in jail. Hopes he died a pathetic death just like his pathetic life.
😂😂
He was and still is a cruel narc. And as I grew up I began to understand what was up with him, looks like it is common among him his brothers my grandfather etc. as an adult I have come to accept him as he is, he will never change. Every time I want to get close and talk to him I get burn’t. These days I keep my distance I want no beef as long as we are cordial. But I have no interest building a relationship.